I could use some advice I'm getting a lot of attention on websites like Facebook were people keep telling me I'm hot despite me feeling ugly, they have asked me out and some wanting to set me up with their friends. It's a bit much for me could it be the make up ?, I noticed it started after I had a make up lesson. Im getting friend request from people I don't know who then ask me these questions.
I don't mind being looked up in streets but I seem be pulling some unwanted attention.
I don't think i feel ready for a relationship yet, im still funding my self.
It's going to happen regardless, especially if you're hot like you are.
I just politely decline. Telling people I'm married seems to help... but I'm guessing you're not.
Complete strangers I just ignore.
Hi, yes, it's a bit unnerving at first... it's still a little odd a year after it started happening..
On social media, girl, you have the control, so use it. Just because people are there doesn't mean that you need to allow them to pressure you.
As Kate said, make up a plausible story... that you are married, or if you clearly are out and about your town in an "unmarried" kind of way, say that you're recently divorced, living with some girlfriends, and really not ready for a relationship. Most people leave you alone if you smile and say it firmly.
Good luck
Julia
its a little uncomfortable, ill just tell them I'm not interested just wanted to know if this is normal, i don't think I'm pretty at all.
Quote from: ChristineShearing on June 16, 2015, 11:23:42 AM
its a little uncomfortable, ill just tell them I'm not interested just wanted to know if this is normal, i don't think I'm pretty at all.
Girlfriend, banish the self-doubt! You may consider yourself to be a work-in-progress, but there are beautiful androgynous faces out there, yours is one of them, and there are many men who like such faces, just because it's a look that they like.
My advice, when you're ready, is to embrace your transness and enjoy it. Relish the new experiences and be proud of yourself!
Before I had my FFS I got stopped a few times in the street by guys. They weren't creeps, and strangely enough, I get stopped far less often now after FFS.
xxx
J
Quote from: Julia-Madrid on June 16, 2015, 11:29:41 AM
Girlfriend, banish the self-doubt! You may consider yourself to be a work-in-progress, but there are beautiful androgynous faces out there, yours is one of them, and there are many men who like such faces, just because it's a look that they like.
My advice, when you're ready, is to embrace your transness and enjoy it. Relish the new experiences and be proud of yourself!
Before I had my FFS I got stopped a few times in the street by guys. They weren't creeps, and strangely enough, I get stopped far less often now after FFS.
xxx
J
At least I know it's normal now thank you, I'm just not used to being told I'm pretty etc, that never happened to me before I came out and I guess I'm so shy just not used to it.
My wip is going well.
My electrolysis is going great, the lady today is wonderful she did a much better job compared to the other girls, she didn't even hurt me and got a lot more done in the hour. She said I'm much better at make up after Rebecca gave me the make up session , and she saw the after photo said I looked very pretty. If any one lives near Ely I recommend chic and body salon they are so helpful.
Of course, if you look at it in a balanced light, your work-in-progress is probably going pretty well. I tend to liken the first 6-8 months of my transition to having training wheels, but after a while you realise that it is totally unnecessary and you've outgrown those little wheels.
I do totally understand how you feel... I was a totally unremarkable person in my former gender - certainly not used to flirting and being flirted at. Now, I find it just so much more agreeable to feel comfortable on both sides of the flirting thing. You'll get there, and it will take much less effort than you think.
Hugs
Julia
If they are random strangers on fb then change your privacy settings.
You are beautiful, so it will happen. Pretty soon you will get used to deleting, blocking and ignoring requests on facebook, just like any other hot girl ;)
I'm shocked at the random friend requests I get from people completely unknown, and they do not leave a message. I'm surprised they think they have a chance.
I had a cab driver say " hey good looking ", just enjoy the ride and protect yourself
Quote from: stephaniec on June 16, 2015, 05:36:40 PM
I had a cab driver say " hey good looking ", just enjoy the ride and protect yourself
How lovely that's really nice, it's the online ones that creep me out.
You are very pretty so I see why you are having these problems. Women have to deal with this kind of attention all of the time unfortunately.
And I understand the discomfort you mentioned too. Like Julia I was very unremarkable looking in my previous life and soon after I went full time I got majorly hit on and it made me *very* uncomfortable because I never expected something like that to happen, it took me totally by surprise, I wasn't prepared for it, and I didn't know how to handle it. It gave me new respect for what women have had to put up with.
You might want to buy a fake wedding ring to deter some pick up attempts, and work out a plausible excuse/story for the guys that will ignore the ring.
I get tones of requests from guys on facebook and Skype. Some I have flat denied the request and others have there requests siting to never be responded too. 13 of them right now. I wouldn't let it get to you. If they make you feel uncomfortable, then I would block them or at least deny the request. Hugs
Mariah
Quote from: Eva Marie on June 17, 2015, 09:05:31 AM
You are very pretty so I see why you are having these problems. Women have to deal with this kind of attention all of the time unfortunately.
And I understand the discomfort you mentioned too. Like Julia I was very unremarkable looking in my previous life and soon after I went full time I got majorly hit on and it made me *very* uncomfortable because I never expected something like that to happen, it took me totally by surprise, I wasn't prepared for it, and I didn't know how to handle it. It gave me new respect for what women have had to put up with.
You might want to buy a fake wedding ring to deter some pick up attempts, and work out a plausible excuse/story for the guys that will ignore the ring.
I like the idea of that might just give that a try.
That's basically happening to me it has took me for surprise and now I feel sorry for women who get this all the time. When you read a lot online you don't really come across this so did not expect it. I'll take it as a complement then , just feels so strange.
Quote from: Mariah2014 on June 17, 2015, 09:51:48 AM
I get tones of requests from guys on facebook and Skype. Some I have flat denied the request and others have there requests siting to never be responded too. 13 of them right now. I wouldn't let it get to you. If they make you feel uncomfortable, then I would block them or at least deny the request. Hugs
Mariah
I'll have get a Facebook guide on how to block them lol, I'll start ignoring unknown people.
It happens a lot.. I never friend someone who is not friends with many of mine. that way I can check them out with other ladies.
There will come a time when a sincere relationship can happen.. did to me and its been so fun and I am putting him off until after GRS ... and if we meet will be in a safe neutral place.. be careful
Whats fun is you get used to being flattered and also flirting and it makes you feel more feminine.. like totally. If you do find a guy who seems really serious check him out .. google his or her name.. does their employment match.. where they live match.. and even then they can be ->-bleeped-<-s and using someone's identity.
You will find ways to test them.. Are pics sent in real time.. match them.. that kind of thing.. just be damn careful.. if they are real and care they will do what you want when it comes to meeting..
Dodie
Go with the flow.
It's not any more abnormal for someone to have eyes for me, than it is for me to fancy somebody.
Or did that just come out all wrong ...
I had this happen to me a couple of times. I changed my Facebook privacy settings to be as strict as possible, and I haven't had an issue since.
Had another one today who would not take no for answer, had my brother block him for me.
Welcome to the club Christine. With all the attendant rights, privileges, and objectification there is an adjustment or learning curve.
I assume you know the term "trolls" for those special online stalkers who drool on their keyboards?
Leave em under the bridge and find yourself in real time. :D
I still don't feel petty despite people hitting on me :(
So I went shopping today to buy some clothes to cheer me up was wondering how they look along side a photo from yesterday in my dem jacket
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi12.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fa244%2FChristine_Shearing%2FMobile%2520Uploads%2F20150619_150903_003_zpskdy1pa74.jpg&hash=7f8e79e76ed2f5283bc6f990bc0a9464bf756f82) (http://s12.photobucket.com/user/Christine_Shearing/media/Mobile%20Uploads/20150619_150903_003_zpskdy1pa74.jpg.html)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi12.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fa244%2FChristine_Shearing%2FMobile%2520Uploads%2F20150619_151904_zps4wns5buv.jpg&hash=a0dfa69c31055ae4597dce94357aaf89f84775df) (http://s12.photobucket.com/user/Christine_Shearing/media/Mobile%20Uploads/20150619_151904_zps4wns5buv.jpg.html)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi12.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fa244%2FChristine_Shearing%2FMobile%2520Uploads%2F20150619_151503_zpselzuacef.jpg&hash=f0c7313526b00fdbe482ac2c5337fe0897cbc8aa) (http://s12.photobucket.com/user/Christine_Shearing/media/Mobile%20Uploads/20150619_151503_zpselzuacef.jpg.html)(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi12.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fa244%2FChristine_Shearing%2FMobile%2520Uploads%2F20150618_124927_009_01_zpsuasucipp.jpg&hash=cccde1cc7d6b1a09ce55d82be060e1598ae0b1eb) (http://s12.photobucket.com/user/Christine_Shearing/media/Mobile%20Uploads/20150618_124927_009_01_zpsuasucipp.jpg.html)(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi12.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fa244%2FChristine_Shearing%2FMobile%2520Uploads%2F20150619_153058_zpsyosrocfz.jpg&hash=0f597ba5246cab190204e3d6a46827ac3f452823) (http://s12.photobucket.com/user/Christine_Shearing/media/Mobile%20Uploads/20150619_153058_zpsyosrocfz.jpg.html)
Quote from: ChristineShearing on June 19, 2015, 02:23:02 PM
I still don't feel petty despite people hitting on me :(
So I went shopping today to buy some clothes to cheer me up was wondering how they look along side a photo from yesterday in my dem jacket
You look absolutely FABULOUS.
Quote from: iKate on June 19, 2015, 03:04:06 PM
You look absolutely FABULOUS.
Thank you , do you think that silver belt works well with the red/black/white dress ?
Quote from: ChristineShearing on June 19, 2015, 03:15:57 PM
Thank you , do you think that silver belt works well with the red/black/white dress ?
I think so. It doesn't seem to clash but brings out your waistline nicely.
The red/black/white dress photo is my favorite :) The silver belt works very well with it. You need some red shoes to go with it...or silver shoes would be cool too ;)
Another vote for the stripey dress and I think red shoes would set it off nicely :)
I think you look pretty good.
I'm looking forward to this happening to me even if I don't like guys. I'm not quite there yet. However I recently got someone to do my eye makeup (its in my avatar, but the picture doesn't do it justice compared to how it looked in real life) and I wanted to jump the girl in the mirror. I looked that good. Unfortunately I haven't been able to duplicate the results on my own and most days I don't wear makeup since I already have a hard enough time getting to work by 9 anyway.
Quote from: awilliams1701 on June 19, 2015, 03:43:50 PM
I think you look pretty good.
I'm looking forward to this happening to me even if I don't like guys. I'm not quite there yet. However I recently got someone to do my eye makeup (its in my avatar, but the picture doesn't do it justice compared to how it looked in real life) and I wanted to jump the girl in the mirror. I looked that good. Unfortunately I haven't been able to duplicate the results on my own and most days I don't wear makeup since I already have a hard enough time getting to work by 9 anyway.
Oh I I could not go aday with out my make up, even when I don't go out for a day.
Thank you everyone for such kind words, my mission over the next 2 weeks to find red shoe's :).
I'm love shopping for clothes my only problem is I can't seem to find day dresses lol
Quote from: iKate on June 19, 2015, 03:25:36 PM
I think so. It doesn't seem to clash but brings out your waistline nicely.
Thank you , I find skate skirts and dresses help bring out a waist line.
I can't wait until my hormones kick in so I don't have to fake the top half , some face changes would be nice too.
Even though I'm not into men, getting hit on by them is affirming, especially when they do it in front of your wife. I once had one guy continue to hit on my after telling him I'm happily married to my wife (who was standing right beside me.) I've also been hit on my other woman and enjoyed that. Unfortunately about 70% of the time, when it's a guy they creep me out. The last guy that hit on my the other day coming out of the subway station was actually very gentleman like and charming. (Commenting on how he noticed me in the crowded subway car.) It was a nice change from many that is just short of a cat-call.
Quote from: Sydney_NYC on June 19, 2015, 04:46:37 PM
Even though I'm not into men, getting hit on by them is affirming, especially when they do it in front of your wife. I once had one guy continue to hit on my after telling him I'm happily married to my wife (who was standing right beside me.) I've also been hit on my other woman and enjoyed that. Unfortunately about 70% of the time, when it's a guy they creep me out. The last guy that hit on my the other day coming out of the subway station was actually very gentleman like and charming. (Commenting on how he noticed me in the crowded subway car.) It was a nice change from many that is just short of a cat-call.
I find it affirming but it's just an annoyance now. It's not even nice men my age it's older ones who I have zero interest in
Honestly, this is often no more than online street harassment. People who do it--in my case, almost entirely men--are often simply responding to what they perceive to be a pretty face and/or body, and they then--since we are so often simply sexual objects waiting for their male attention in their minds--attempt to hit on us. With older men who do this, there is also sometimes an element of the men attempting to prove they still got game, which is why such men tend to go after women who appear significantly younger than they are, usually in their late teens to late twenties, and often women who also are pretty and give off some vibe of vulnerability or availability (in their mind), both of which usually simply mean femininity but can also connote shyness, aloneness, nervousness, etc. Indeed, I have been harassed disproportionately so far by older men, and it is usually exacerbated by how I have presented myself--most harassment comes when I am wearing overtly feminine clothing and noticeable makeup. None of this means, obviously, that looking like that grants them a reason to harass you, since they should not, but I know that how I choose to go out or how my Facebook/Twitter profile looks like will determine, to a degree, how much I am likely to be harassed. But I am proud to look the way I want to look, as should a pretty woman like yourself, so I simply accept this as a fact of life in the real world and online.
So, take it as a positive in that you are clearly pretty to them (and you are!). Harassment can be affirming in an ironic way, at times, even as it is more often than not also demeaning, sexist, and even endangering. But also always be aware of yourself. You are under no obligation to respond to these random strangers at all. Responding can give them power over you even if you say no. Ignore them unless you feel compelled to shut one down for rudeness.
Quote from: awilliams1701 on June 19, 2015, 03:43:50 PM
I'm looking forward to this happening to me even if I don't like guys. I'm not quite there yet. However I recently got someone to do my eye makeup (its in my avatar, but the picture doesn't do it justice compared to how it looked in real life) and I wanted to jump the girl in the mirror. I looked that good. Unfortunately I haven't been able to duplicate the results on my own and most days I don't wear makeup since I already have a hard enough time getting to work by 9 anyway.
Be careful what you wish for. Yes, the attention can be affirming. I used to think it was mainly complimentary at first. But then I experienced how terrifying and power-denying it can be to be harassed, especially when you are alone and when your unpassable voice is not your friend, since revealing you are trans* can get you in physical danger from the very man who approached you. Moreover, harassment, once it begins, really doesn't end very easily. It can be overwhelming--men saying demeaning things to you down this block, that block, that block, etc. And when you are unable to move because you are at a traffic intersection or against a wall or in an enclosed space and you are being propositioned by someone much larger than you--all of which I have experienced--you may not be enjoying it anymore.
It can be affirming--but it can be much, much more. Just be careful, since we trans* girls are almost always more at risk in these situations.
I feel your pain... Though do to the fact that I have a anonymous pictureless Facebook account most of my getting hit on comes in person. so at first I was somewhat flattered.... But it puts me in a dangerous and awkward situation. If the guy tries to get me to talk to him and I speak to him with MY voice he is gonna find out the woman that he is harassing is trans, and how is he gonna react with when he finds out (if he didn't know already know) that I am trans.
I do have some experience with online stuff (okcupid)x but I put only queer people could see my profile so there isn't many bi guys in the area and only a handful of then have tried to get with me.
I tell my housemate that I get catcalled all the time and they don't believe me, then I went to an ice cream place and got catcallled while he was with me.
I'm totally aware I could end up hating it. For now it would be nice. I haven't felt desirable in years.