i feel very bad admitting that i do often, mainly because it just feels like a wrong thing but i'm not really sure what to make of it. my self esteem is usually damaged when i see someone who is very passable and then i feel guilty for having my self image hurt just because someone else looks good. they're just very lucky and i get sad that im not as much so lol
Envy, I'd say. I see such beauty and courage here. But I don't feel bad. It actually inspires me. I don't know where your self image arises from. but perhaps you can try to focus on other things about yourself that make you feel good about yourself.
Please dont feel bad about this,
I will also ADMIT that I too feel like this at times. exspecially with pre puberty transitioners. But more for just having hawt bodies and those realy curvy hips.
I read somthing somewhere, that the girl all the guys want, is the girl all the girls want to be. Ok i know its not exacly accurat but..
envy, is somthing that everybody has in various degrees, over variouse things, people get jelouse of other people all the time.
Dont feel bad about somthing that every human exsperiences, you ARE HUMAN after all.
No. They got dealt a crappy hand in life just like I did. There are transwomen out there that are richer, prettier, better proportioned, thinner, post-op, have thicker hair and have perfect breasts, but I wouldn't trade my hand for any of theirs because I have a lot going for me that I would never give up.
Of course, have you seen Carmen Carrera? :)
Pretty much any one of the young teens who are out in this day & age.
When I was their age transgendered people were freaks for shows like Jerry Springer, these days its just amazing how great it is for them.
yes theres still hate, but a lot more love than hate
I feel a lot of other jealousy to other trans people. Usually in these cases:
* When they have an avatar pic that's more pretty than I could even dream to be.
* When they live in stealth like any other woman and have the female life I wish I could have.
* When they have the guts to get FFS (which I don't) so that every square inch of their bodies look exactly like it was born that way.
* When they have the post-op O's that I can't seem to achieve.
* When they are petite, cute, and have impeccable fashion sense.
* When they fall in love and have long term relationships.
* When they have close friends and an active social life.
However, I know how jealousy can eat someone up. There will always be someone who has what I don't. Better to look at the good things about my life (financially comfortable, love my kids, live in a supportive community, great job, opportunity to give back to wonderful places like Susan's).
I havn't met many trans sisters in real life, one who I did meet for coffee and I really enjoyed meeting her, I thought she was so pretty. Then she de friended me.
I asked our mutual stunning cis female friend what happened and she said just being around me makes her feel crap because I progressed further than her. I felt it very unfair that she will happily hang around the stunning cis girl but not me.
So in that regard I don't understand it, if we are going wish we were born someone else we might as well wish we were cis.
The only trans woman I'm jealous of is Stevie Clayton, because she got to have a hawt sex scene with Freema Agyeman (Martha Jones from Doctor Who) in Sense8. So, soooooo jealous.
(I love you, Freema!!!)
Quote from: Ms Grace on July 22, 2015, 06:28:07 AM
The only trans woman I'm jealous of is Stevie Clayton, because she got to have a hawt sex scene with Freema Agyeman (Martha Jones from Doctor Who) in Sense8. So, soooooo jealous.
(I love you, Freema!!!)
jamie clayton? (looking on imdb) played the trans woman on sense8 (I really liked that show, seemed a really good portrayal to me, understanding though with the wachowski's making it)
oh yeah, her... :icon_redface: :icon_redface: :icon_redface: :icon_redface: :icon_redface:
Quote from: Nicole on July 22, 2015, 02:59:40 AM
Pretty much any one of the young teens who are out in this day & age.
Pretty much this, but on the other hand they can't have biological kids. I wouldn't trade that for anything.
Yes, often times I find myself envious/jealous. Especially if they're post-op, or people who are visibly comfortable with their appearance. I think it comes from a lot of internalizing and what it means to be beautiful to "pass."
Quote from: Nicole on July 22, 2015, 02:59:40 AM
Pretty much any one of the young teens who are out in this day & age.
When I was their age transgendered people were freaks for shows like Jerry Springer, these days its just amazing how great it is for them.
yes theres still hate, but a lot more love than hate
This is something I struggle with quite a bit. I'm finally at a point in life where soon I can take concrete steps but I'm old and feel like it's too late in many respects. It's too late to enjoy so many of the things I wanted to do, I will never have the life I wanted for decades. For me the bright promise was Renee Richards that gave me a name for what I was and the hope that "this can be fixed". Watching gay rights click right along and and getting some of the side benefits, I've always been pegged as a butch dyke, but still knowing I was a fraud even there because I'm really a straight man inside so I've not been part of that community.
So yeah, a lot of envy that all these young guys get the life I've wanted so badly. It's ridiculous and I want the best for them, but sometimes it's hard to watch. Always from the sidelines...
I do know where I'm lucky, I live in the US, white, financially okay, and I do have a chance to be myself at least in part for a while. Still have to wrestle the green-eyed monster though.
I've had to take time off from speaking to transmasculine friends who I've seen figure themselves out when I was trying and failing to be full-time while pre-everything, and who transitioned right past me while I was repressing myself. I just couldn't handle it.
I've gotten over it, but there's always that moment where I feel like I've been punched in the gut.
For me it's been a constant battle with envy. For 6 years now I've seen newbies come to our TG Support group meeting and within months usually saying "F' It Full time for me" while I still try to hold my two words together
The majority really.
But I guess that's the iceberg effect, I only see the positive sides, how good they look, not all the struggle and pain behind it.
If you asked a cis woman if she's ever been jealous of another woman's appearance, they would all laugh at you and say "you mean there's women who haven't?"
It's not particularly healthy, but in terms of being normal, unquestionably so.
Absolutely. Most of it is about people I haven't actually met, like Princess Jules. She's so beautiful and has an amazing body. While I've lost a lot of weight, I still have a belly and my thighs have ugly stretch marks.
There is one I've known in person for about a year and I found out that she was super emotional during months 3 and 4 and she went through 2 boxes of tissues crying so much. I told her I was jealous of her experience because its still hard for me to cry, although not as much. I told her during that same time period I was super giddy and almost too happy. She told me she was jealous of me over that. So I guess we're jealous of each other.
Quote from: iKate on July 22, 2015, 08:39:54 AM
but on the other hand they can't have biological kids. I wouldn't trade that for anything.
Agree.That's why I postponed my transition.
I'm also jealous of those born in states where they can change every last document including their birth certificate.
Both Swayallday and Carrie Liz have nailed it pretty well.
Absolutely I have felt that. Then I have a little pity party. Then I remember how depressed I was 7 months ago not knowing why this has been like this my whole life. Just thinking something was wrong with me. Thinking I was just a pervert.
Now, I am barely on my journey but can put a name to it and define why I have felt so out of everything my whole life. I am so much easier to be around (my wife says so with a little trepidation) and I can approach life in a happier way. Just that. Not trying to get to happy but being happy as I continue. However it turns out. I still have moments of pitying myself when I see all you pretty things and knowing how far I have to go and that I can't go back 30 or 40 years...
But it is better. I can see alternatives to darkness now that I couldn't before.
Wishing you all smooth journeys,
Joanna
My jealousy mainly centered around the points of someone transitioning and my not being in a position to at one point. Then after starting of those who were on hormones while I had to wait to see the Endo to get on them. As others have said, I think we all do get jealous of others it's a fairly natural response. Hugs
Mariah
Undoubtedly I have envy towards those who transition at a younger age and/or look more "passable", I also however have envy towards Cis women for being able to have children, curves, etc. Like it was mentioned before, It is perfectly normal to have envy no matter if you are tran, cis, male, female, etc. I have met some ladies who I envy and I am sure that I am a focus of someone's else envy. The key is for it not to limit you or let it harm how your live. Let it push you but don't let it dictate what you should be like. We are all unique, like who you are. :)
Absolutely and it is 100% normal.
Sometimes I envy Jazz Jennings. I wish I could have transitioned as a child, with enlightened parents and the somewhat tolerant society we have now (as opposed to dark ages of the 1970's and 1980's that I grew up in).
I don't know that it would be a lot of fun to be a transgender teen girl even in today's society, but it would have to have been better than the actual teenage years I lived, being picked on by everybody, having this huge black ball of sadness and loneliness welled up inside me, and not even knowing the reason why.
Quote from: bibilinda on July 23, 2015, 11:52:34 AM
Interesting topic, I appreciate it!
Everyone grows old one day inevitably, unless one dies at a young age of course :(. So when I see by "forced mistake" on Utube for example, a video thumbnail of any of those very young MTFs that do actually look even prettier than beautiful cis women of a similar age, I just think that their beauty is a temporary thing, which will probably last maybe just a decade or so and then it will start inevitably fading away, but the REAL BEAUTY is in one's soul. BTW I didn't always think this way. I am finally starting to mature, in great part thanks to finding love with my BF almost for three years now and realizing that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and there is MUCH MORE to offer and share than just physical appearance. There's inner beauty as well. And now, I appreciate both, which I didn't do in the past. I really was shallow as heck when I started transitioning six years ago. I almost acted like I was in a competition to look better than others, both trans and cis, which was pathetic and futile in hindsight. I no longer feel that way, I just care about being seen, treated and accepted as a woman, which is hard enough in itself, specially with people who knew me before presenting as female, to be even worrying about looking better than other trans people which I'm sure they also have their own issues and hang-ups as well.
But to be honest, there is ONE SINGLE thing that, being realistic, I really do envy from other transwomen: THE VOICE. There are very few that both have a very beautiful speaking and singing voice. I have struggled A LOT to develop a nice one and I will never give up on that, but clearly I wasn't blessed with "good pipes genes" like very few others have been. There's not even a single one good singer in my whole family that I know of, so I hope to be able to fill that gap one day ;)
Cheers
Bibi B.
Yes, in the soul! To answer the op's question, yes I have felt jealousy. I would get jealous of transgender girls, that in my opinion were not as feminine as I am.
I associate beauty with femininity most of the time, and there were some people that naturally were in a situation where they were at the part of their life where they were living as women and transitioned/transitioning, though still were tomboyish or whatever.
It was like having a gift that was denied. I eventually matured though. I eventually learned that my own personal happiness needed to be the number one priority.
Who I am is who I want to be. Whether I was transitioned or not, I always was. It is like that for everyone.
Quote from: Andre87 on July 23, 2015, 02:51:29 PM
Agree.That's why I postponed my transition.
That said, kids have never crossed my mind until the last few months.
I didn't bank anything other than cash, but know there are other options out there if needed.
No, not at all. I'm happy with who I am. Whether I pass or not isn t important.
:)
I didn't think I wanted any kids at all and didn't hesitate to just start without freezing a sample. Lately as my maternal instincts have been starting I'm started wondering if I made the right decision. Ultimately I'm not a huge fan of babies, so instead of no kids ever I think adoption might someday be a better option for me.
Quote from: Nicole on July 24, 2015, 09:43:40 AM
That said, kids have never crossed my mind until the last few months.
I didn't bank anything other than cash, but know there are other options out there if needed.
I think it also has to do a lot while you're waiting to start hormones/you're pre-op if you want to go further with medical transitioning, it's like... waiting for food at the restaurant and the waiters are serving others really:) You're not really jealous, but you want your food xD
At least that's how it is for me, I get mostly sad that I'm not on hormones yet but it's more of a sadness than envy.
Quote from: awilliams1701 on July 24, 2015, 10:45:41 AM
I didn't think I wanted any kids at all and didn't hesitate to just start without freezing a sample. Lately as my maternal instincts have been starting I'm started wondering if I made the right decision. Ultimately I'm not a huge fan of babies, so instead of no kids ever I think adoption might someday be a better option for me.
The only reason kids have crossed my mind lately is my best friend is having a baby.
I've spent more on that child already than Charlotte and "its" not due for another 4 months
I am basically gynephilic, and like a beauty. Whether she is cis or -trans does not matter here. Actually I have sometimes been attracted to pretty and feminine young guys (I do not think they were transgender).
I tend to regard people of natural beauty. I have no reason to envy women who underwent plastic surgery including FFS or HRT, whether they are cis or trans.
I feel companionship with many transgender or androgynous celebrities, especially Stav Strashko.
barbie~~