I'm in a rut. It's been almost three years on hrt and I still have trouble passing for the most part.
My voice is decent, makeup is ok, etc...., but something is missing and I think it's because hrt didn't do much for me. So I ask how just accept I'll never be passable?
There are many not passable women. It all depends what your goals are. You can be not passable woman and still be able to have a partner, job and so on. It is matter of accepting yourself for who you are. As long you are able to love yourself for who you are you will be able to live not passing. If passing is the only thing you can accept than surgery can help. Still there are many women who don't pass and many women and men find them attractive and many are well integrated into the society. It's a matter of personal preference ;)
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If everything is in place as you say it is then the only thing left is attitude. If you are the least bit uncomfortable in public, you will draw attention. They may not read you but they will watch you. I go out without makeup in a T shirt and shorts but I never draw a look because I know I belong and I am comfortable I belong. The only way to develop this attitude is to move around in public. If possible, do it with a friend because another person will help distract you from the public.
I developed attitude pretty early but what really drove it home for me was a couple of years post surgical I was out with my future roommate who was just starting to transition and she had a bad case of nerves. I saw attention being drawn to us like I never seen it before and I knew it was only because of her nerves as I was still calm on the inside.
Quote from: Angieisalone on July 28, 2015, 10:58:04 AM
I'm in a rut. It's been almost three years on hrt and I still have trouble passing for the most part.
My voice is decent, makeup is ok, etc....,
Hi, I am going to be a bit blunt so bear with me.
Are these your own opinions or did someone else tell you they are OK?
Often the way we perceive ourselves is quite different from reality.
Independent feedback is always important. My mom has provided an invaluable amount of that for me, and as a result I made a lot of changes and coupled with my new voice I can pass effortlessly.
Also, are you getting clocked as trans or are people simply misgendering you?
Projecting a genuine feminine energy can do amazing things.
Quote from: Angieisalone on July 28, 2015, 10:58:04 AM
I'm in a rut. It's been almost three years on hrt and I still have trouble passing for the most part.
My voice is decent, makeup is ok, etc...., but something is missing and I think it's because hrt didn't do much for me. So I ask how just accept I'll never be passable?
Some of the happiest trans women I know are not passable. Being transgender is nothing to be ashamed of. It's a part of your history, and therefore part of who you are. Not being passable just means that your past is on display. This is true of many other people - people with scars, limps, or visible marks from past injuries, for example. Part of the battle is accepting who you are and being comfortable having people know it.
Passability brings a certain amount of anxiety - you never know what people know about you.
I hope this helps. I am being honest when I say that my non-passable friends seem happier with their transitions than my passable ones.
Quote from: possessed on July 28, 2015, 11:09:50 AM
There are many not passable women. It all depends what your goals are. You can be not passable woman and still be able to have a partner, job and so on. It is matter of accepting yourself for who you are. As long you are able to love yourself for who you are you will be able to live not passing. If passing is the only thing you can accept than surgery can help. Still there are many women who don't pass and many women and men find them attractive and many are well integrated into the society. It's a matter of personal preference ;)
As some have told me, surgery won't help because my face is too masculine and the best surgery will do is make me andro.
Quote from: suzifrommd on July 28, 2015, 12:36:31 PM
Not being passable just means that your past is on display.
And having people know my past makes me very uncomfortable.
Quote from: iKate on July 28, 2015, 12:07:11 PM
Also, are you getting clocked as trans or are people simply misgendering you?
I'm getting constantly clocked left and right
Come on surgery won't help. You just need to find an aggressive doctor.
Quote from: Angieisalone on July 28, 2015, 01:59:43 PM
As some have told me, surgery won't help because my face is too masculine and the best surgery will do is make me andro.
And having people know my past makes me very uncomfortable.
I'm getting constantly clocked left and right
I don't know what you are doing wrong but I went back and look at your past posts and you are gorgeous as a woman.
It isn't your face and if I looked like that I wouldn't let a surgeon anywhere near me. People are either admiring you or you are giving off some other body signal they are picking up on. Don't forget that an attractive woman draws attention and you can misinterpret it as being clocked.
I just saw your pictures. You already pass as a woman and surgery can make you more feminine but you don't need
any.
Mod Edit- Messages that belittle or ridicule a poster are against TOS 5.
I do need some surgery, mainly in the forehead and lip area as you can see in this pic http://imgur.com/cvtlzoY
:police:
Ok folks lets please be mindful of how we respond to the issues people have. They may not seem big or important to us, but them they are. So belittling or ridiculing them is against TOS and is not appropriate. Thanks
Mariah
Quote from: Angieisalone on July 28, 2015, 05:49:25 PM
I do need some surgery, mainly in the forehead and lip area as you can see in this pic http://imgur.com/cvtlzoY
The Trans Fairy already gave you beautiful eyes, nose and lips.
You are already very pretty.
Just my opinion, but I think FFS would have dramatic and beautiful results if the surgeon concentrates on the brow bossing and jawbone.
Other than that, it's all attitude. Clothes and makeup can help, but if you watch enough drag shows, you will notice that the audience treats drag performers as if they were women, even when they know they are men. And they do it even though the performers do not look like a woman you would ever meet on the street. They do it because of the performer's confidence, sass and attitude.
You are very pretty. If you were to do anything it would be upper lip length. However, you are pretty and HRT has done a lot.
I don't think surgery will help me.
I have a lot more problems with myself and people because people tend to live in a delusion and it bothers me.
I can answer your question by noting that we all pass as our self. Our physical manifestation is not all we are but only a temporary image. I once had a beard but I certainly passed as the pre HRT person I was then. Passing is oversold IMO, and is way too heavy on appearance vs character. I now pass as a transgender person and that is the truth about passing for me.
I do wish you the best in finding happiness but wishing ain't fishing and I guess you will find a better place to drop your line. ;D ;D ;D
That really doesn't help.
I want to pass as a cis person, not a trans person.
Best of luck with that. I have heard a smile goes a long way too ;D
I think my smile is the thing that helps me pass more than anything. That and having the attitude that I am comfortable with myself.
Quote from: Tessa James on August 01, 2015, 12:57:16 AM
Best of luck with that. I have heard a smile goes a long way too ;D
Regrettably there are some things surgery just cannot fix (or at least not 100% and/or not without many thousands of $$$), this is true. There are things I know would prefer be different about my physical presentation if I could simply click my fingers and have it done, but either it can't be done or is extremely expensive or I'm not prepared to go through that much trauma for potentially negligible results, so I just make do. And I guess that is the bottom line for most of us. We'd like to look completely genetic, but where we can't we need to figure out a way to let our personality and presence take us the rest of the way so we can actually live and enjoy our lives.
there is a girl I've seen in my neighborhood for the past 20 years. I think she started transitioning when I first saw her when I moved to the neighborhood . When I first saw her it was quite obvious she had just started her journey. I have always been very impressed by her determination to be herself. She was full time from day one. She's built like a tackle on the universities football team. She works at the University I live across the street from. To be honest her looks were quite male. She's made a lot of progress in the 20 years. The thing is she is who she is like the great Janis Joplin was who she was. She not the Greta Garbo type she just a normal woman . She facing her flaws and winning. I respect her a lot even though I've never talked to her. I'm pretty sure she knows I'm transitioning because we see each other all the time in passing on the street. She is one gutsy lady. I've seen her in mini skirts going to work. I think even after 20 years most people would probably guess she's trans. Some people just have anatomy's that don't change a lot , but she is continuing to change and soften, but its very incremental . I'd like to talk to her some time and I think if I stay around here, which I plan to I probably will. She has obviously gone through a lot in her transition and has obviously a strength deep with in her to overcome the many obstacles of being true to your self.
Angieisalone, quite a few cis women don't fit that well with what society thinks a woman should look like either. I live in a small country town in a farming district and there are women I see most days around town who could be considered to be of indeterminate gender. Speaking for myself after it being over twenty years since my transition I couldn't care less what anyone thinks of my ability to 'pass' (whatever that is). I'm fairly plain faced, my hair is grey and I don't wear makeup unless it's a special occasion, - and then it will only be moisturiser and lipstick.
The things that made the greatest difference for me was getting my facial hair zapped and being on HRT. Once that was done I considered myself to be no longer of male appearance. Not for one moment would I have considered FFS and I certainly wouldn't now despite having inherited my grandmother's 'coal barge' jaw and having facial scaring on my left cheek. As a social worker I was constantly face to face with other people and apart from two minor incidents in my career where clients outright rejected me I was fine. It's all about owning who you are and not letting others define who you are. And yes I know it's not always easy, but either you simply roll up your sleeves and get on with it or else you stay at home for the rest of your life hiding in your bedroom.
Going by your photo I can see plenty for you to work with btw. You have really nice clear skin for a start.
Quote from: Angieisalone on July 31, 2015, 11:29:55 PM
That really doesn't help.
I want to pass as a cis person, not a trans person.
I feel your pain and I've said the exact same thing at a transgender support group.
Are there times when you do pass? Even just for an hour?
Quote from: brianna1016 on August 01, 2015, 06:45:35 AM
I feel your pain and I've said the exact same thing at a transgender support group.
Are there times when you do pass? Even just for an hour?
It's about an 80 : 20 ratio with male being the 80%
Quote from: Angieisalone on August 03, 2015, 08:02:59 PM
It's about an 80 : 20 ratio with male being the 80%
What are you doing differently when you do pass?