I've looked into FFS, but it seems it probably still won't solve my issues really. I have a very very large head, it measures 23.7 inches around and all that...all the measurements I've done of it (off wig measuring sites) confirm it's in the large category. I also think my face looks really big too...like when I notice most people their ears are closer to their faces (corners of eyes) but with my face and people with very large heads (only male celebrities I've noticed) their ears are further back, because their faces are so prominent and large:
http://imgur.com/a/XQkS4
It looks enormous like this:
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FXmA5Gs4l.jpg&hash=b8a833b1645dbb872b2aa5be7d783a9b2500cb14)
As opposed to something like this, which could work in female ranges easily/work longer hair and a variety of female hairstyles:
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FhzwjrX5l.jpg&hash=2bb6d273032c0685a516a1fb3d844ede5c71037b)
Even Caitlyn Jenner fell somewhere in this range, because she's able to rock different hairstyles and not have a head that looks off/male for her body.
Yet I measured from ear to ear (sideburn to sideburn across face over the nose, whatever you want call it) and it's the same measurement most people would have, man or woman. (11 inches) My head always makes me look awful in most women's clothes because it stands out like a sore thumb, not to mention I can't wear longer hair. (a wig would make my head and face look even bigger and stand out more) Wondering if anyone else has these issues and have made it wrk...I've yet to find anyone...
My head is as big as yours... I had FFS with Dr. Zukowski.. and I have long hair..
There are a lot of women that are pretty that have bigger heads. like me :)
I am only 5-6 but I am stocky but in shape..
Keri
You are fine girl.. People really look at the whole package.. I am 5-6 ish.. but am thick... so my head face and hair go with my body..If my head was smaller I might not look as good.
I am a thick girl and I love it.. ... your going to be fine.. seriously.
Sometimes we over think things and body image is an issue for trans girls.. we seem to pick at everything.. My therapist said when is good enough.. and I was like never.. kind of kidding.. so I have been treated for that body image thing.. I pass and I look better than the average girl.. so who cares if you a little bigger..
Good luck kiddo hope I have encouraged you
Keri
Quote from: Keri - formerly known as Dodie on October 15, 2015, 03:55:51 PM
My head is as big as yours... I had FFS with Dr. Zukowski.. and I have long hair..
There are a lot of women that are pretty that have bigger heads. like me :)
I am only 5-6 but I am stocky but in shape..
Keri
Yeah I've heard of enough cis and passing trans women with my head size or bigger....but none of them look like me...their bodies all seem to balance out and look proper...mine doesn't generally though...only when i wear a bandana that holds my hair down or a ski hat.
Well, my head is even bigger than your. I can't even fit large lids. With a correct clothing and make up people tend to think that I get a tiny head.
Quote from: liz on October 16, 2015, 09:36:41 AM
Well, my head is even bigger than your. I can't even fit large lids. With a correct clothing and make up people tend to think that I get a tiny head.
Elaborate.
Also this is what I mean by big head. My gf and I have the same sized head around but hers is thinner/not as bulky of a shape as mine all over: (I'm on the right)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FMpshsbAl.jpg&hash=9fbc3ada93a8877938ac66f13d47ea49d3d4d2e2)
I'm not sure I understand the issue? I see two pretty girls in that photo... We are all our worst critics and often see flaws that aren't actually there.
Quote from: HeatherR on October 16, 2015, 09:31:28 PM
I'm not sure I understand the issue? I see two pretty girls in that photo... We are all our worst critics and often see flaws that aren't actually there.
The problem is that lemons has some issues with her body image that no amount of cheerleading from the people here can help with. At this point, professional help would be the best option.
Quote from: kelly_aus on October 16, 2015, 09:36:29 PM
The problem is that lemons has some issues with her body image that no amount of cheerleading from the people here can help with. At this point, professional help would be the best option.
Without sounding in any way mean because I'm truly not that kind of person, I totally agree with Kelly
My head looked "bulky" pre-transition also. I also can only wear large-sized wig caps.
I will say if you are that concerned about your head shape, there are many things I did to create the illusion of a "smaller" head. I find losing 5-10 pounds helped tremendously in feminizing my face. When buying human hair wigs make sure to opt for 80% hair density, as hair systems thicker than that tends to "widen" my face. Also always opt for a longer length cut.
As far as FFS goes, my hairline was lowered significantly, thus reducing the size of my forehead and hence the face. I also had my buccal fat pads removed around my cheek area, thinning my face out even more.
As it stands though, your head doesn't really look large at all. Remember we are often our own worst critics.
My head is 23.5" around after FFS. :-\ I can't fit in any regular-sized women's hats. I have nipple-length long hair, and very little of it covers my forehead. But I pass almost all the time now. If you do get FFS your head will end up looking much smaller than mine.
I always had self-image issues with the size of my head vs body, even as a guy, and also with the size of my ears. In the end, I was being unnecessarily hard on myself because it wasn't as 'big' an issue as I imagined. Forehead prominence can play a big part, although when I look around now at other people I'm seeing a lot of cis women with prominent brows. In my case it was partially FFS and the rest doing the best I could to polish off my image and all the other subtle cues that have tipped the balance in my favour.
I work in retail, so I get hundreds of interactions in a day where customers are verbally identifying me in conversation. Our uniform is a bit 'de-feminizing' so I get a lot of people calling out 'sir' to my back but then correcting themselves when I turn around and they see my face. Even with my 6'1" height I'm rarely getting gendered wrong face-on.
I actually don't mind causing people a little confusion because if it forces them to think about it then it might actually help expand their perceptions of what constitutes a 'normal' female. In the weird retail power dynamic between staff and customer it actually gives my the upper hand in an interaction because any uncertainty the customer might have throws off their confidence in trying to talk down to me. It makes my confidence look stronger than their's. I must say though that the change in how nice people are to me, now that I present and am seen as a woman, has been dramatic.
Just be yourself and live your life. We all have body dysphoria and we have to accept that we are not built like a cis woman. Improve what you can and accept the things you can't change.
April xo
Also this is what I mean by big head. My gf and I have the same sized head around but hers is thinner/not as bulky of a shape as mine all over: (I'm on the right)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FMpshsbAl.jpg&hash=9fbc3ada93a8877938ac66f13d47ea49d3d4d2e2)
[/quote]
I just see a picture of two women.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Yeah, if you hadn't said "I'm on the right", I'd never have been able to figure out which one was you. The picture looks like two women.
lemons,
I'm going to be the voice that you won't like to hear but you absolutely need to.
Your main problem isn't anything physical. It's pure lack of self acceptance.
All of your pictures look FINE. It seems as though you are worrying about a lot of nothing.
Your expectations seem to be unrealistically high. You want to be a small petite girl with a small head. Not happening. Some people are just different sizes. I have met a few trans girls who are tall and big and they seem fine to me. Like 6'7" Sydney_NYC who seems to pass without effort as I've never heard her being referred to as "sir" or any male pronouns. Ever.
I rock it, I pass and even if I don't, I don't care. I'm a woman 24x7 every day, and I carry it. I will never be 100% happy with myself but who is?
Go for FFS if you want, there may be a few things that can be improved but learn to accept. There are other things besides your appearance that can get you clocked. Voice, for example. The way you walk. The way you carry yourself. etc etc. I don't know what applies to you or not but I think your passing issues go beyond your appearance because you look pretty good to me.
Quote from: KayMc on October 17, 2015, 02:55:56 PM
Yeah, if you hadn't said "I'm on the right", I'd never have been able to figure out which one was you. The picture looks like two women.
Absolutely this.
Quote from: iKate on October 17, 2015, 03:48:40 PM
lemons,
I'm going to be the voice that you won't like to hear but you absolutely need to.
Your main problem isn't anything physical. It's pure lack of self acceptance.
All of your pictures look FINE. It seems as though you are worrying about a lot of nothing.
Your expectations seem to be unrealistically high. You want to be a small petite girl with a small head. Not happening. Some people are just different sizes. I have met a few trans girls who are tall and big and they seem fine to me. Like 6'7" Sydney_NYC who seems to pass without effort as I've never heard her being referred to as "sir" or any male pronouns. Ever.
I rock it, I pass and even if I don't, I don't care. I'm a woman 24x7 every day, and I carry it. I will never be 100% happy with myself but who is?
Go for FFS if you want, there may be a few things that can be improved but learn to accept. There are other things besides your appearance that can get you clocked. Voice, for example. The way you walk. The way you carry yourself. etc etc. I don't know what applies to you or not but I think your passing issues go beyond your appearance because you look pretty good to me.
Thank you for the complement iKate :)
Lemons,
iKate is right, self acceptance and I'm going to add confidence is what you need. Let HRT do it's magic before before determining if you need FFS. Cis-women come in all sizes and shapes and I wouldn't stress about your head size. It really looks fine and proportions will change more with HRT. The proportions and shape of you face are what is going to determine how your face will seen, not the size. You have a lot of other features that help, like no visible Adam's Apple and your hairline looks really good to start and will improve with HRT.
We are also our worst critics and sometimes we get worked up over nothing. At 3 months HRT I didn't think I looked feminine enough to pass as female, but I started getting gendered female and funny looks in the men's room wearing a sweatshirt and jeans. Even when I went full time and constantly gendered female, it took another 6 months for me to see it in the mirror. It's kind of like when you gain or lose weight you don't see it right away. The same thing happens with us on HRT.
Give it time and patience and don't stress too much. I would wait at least 18-24 months before thinking about FFS, it takes that long for most of the facial changes to complete. You can see my changes here at 22 months (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,168444.msg1758913.html#msg1758913). Sometimes after an Orchi or GCS, the lack of a testosterone factory, can bring even more changes that the production being suppressed by HRT.
I have to agree with all the comments above.
Lemons, you regularly come onto the forum with the same concerns (this is too big, that is too big) and you get the same responses - "you look great", "cis women are that way too", "it's in your head", etc, etc.
You ask "what can I do" and, in all honesty since the bones in your head aren't going to shrink no matter how long you are on HRT, there is only one course if you want to continue on the path of transition and that is to find a way to look past your perceived "imperfections", stop obsessing over them, learn to love yourself and live your life. :)
Well, I've never seen a photo of myself with another cis woman where I was anywhere close to their size. Which leads me to believe I'm massive, even only at 6 feet tall.
In every photo where I'm standing I look massive. And my build just isn't right for a cis woman. Might head might be proportionate for my body, but it's a distinct male body that I really feel can't just blend in as tall female.
Quote from: Sydney_NYC on October 17, 2015, 05:13:07 PM
Thank you for the complement iKate :)
Lemons,
iKate is right, self acceptance and I'm going to add confidence is what you need. Let HRT do it's magic before before determining if you need FFS.
Gaaaaaah....I've bene on hormones for over 3 years!!!!
You want to know the difference between you and any other 6 foot tall woman walking down the street? Confidence... Just be confident in the package you put together.
I just flat out don't see what you're talking about in that photo above... before I read "me on the right" I was sure you were the one on the left just by going by your original post. Seriously, it's the contents of your head, not the size of it that is causing this image you are seeing.
Quote from: lemons on October 17, 2015, 08:29:52 PM
Well, I've never seen a photo of myself with another cis woman where I was anywhere close to their size. Which leads me to believe I'm massive, even only at 6 feet tall.
In every photo where I'm standing I look massive. And my build just isn't right for a cis woman. Might head might be proportionate for my body, but it's a distinct male body that I really feel can't just blend in as tall female.
Lemons, let me tell you something that I know you don't want to hear. I was stuck in this same "woe is me, I'm so much bigger than cis women, I'll never be a real woman because I'm so big" mindset for a long time.
Don't listen to those self-hating voices.
Yes, you may be bigger than most cis-women, even possibly bigger-built than any cis women you'll ever see.
That doesn't mean that you're not female.
Is there some written law that all women have to be a certain size? Is there really some law that says that you can't have long hair if your head happens to be bigger than a certain size, and do you really think that people are going to say "no, sorry, your head's too big" before they decide what to gender you?
No.
It took me a long time to internalize this. I am NOT in the range of measurements for any cis "normal" measurements. My face is angular, my shoulders are wide, I barely have any boobs, my head is huge, and I have a receded hairline in a male pattern. Plus I don't have a face that is anywhere near as feminine as yours. In every single picture I take with other women, I stick out like a sore thumb because of how big I am.
And guess what.
NONE of those things mean that I'm not a woman. And they don't mean that you're not a woman either.
Dysphoria sucks. I'm not going to lie. We all wish we could look more "normal." But at some point you just have to decide that you're not going to let your own inadequacies control your life, that you are who you know you are, and you deserve to be you, whether you fit into these norms or not.
Quote from: Carrie Liz on October 17, 2015, 08:39:33 PM
Lemons, let me tell you something that I know you don't want to hear. I was stuck in this same "woe is me, I'm so much bigger than cis women, I'll never be a real woman because I'm so big" mindset for a long time.
Don't listen to those self-hating voices.
Yes, you may be bigger than most cis-women, even possibly bigger-built than any cis women you'll ever see.
That doesn't mean that you're not female.
Is there some written law that all women have to be a certain size? Is there really some law that says that you can't have long hair if your head happens to be bigger than a certain size, and do you really think that people are going to say "no, sorry, your head's too big" before they decide what to gender you?
No.
It took me a long time to internalize this. I am NOT in the range of measurements for any cis "normal" measurements. My face is angular, my shoulders are wide, I barely have any boobs, my head is huge, and I have a receded hairline in a male pattern. Plus I don't have a face that is anywhere near as feminine as yours. In every single picture I take with other women, I stick out like a sore thumb because of how big I am.
And guess what.
NONE of those things mean that I'm not a woman. And they don't mean that you're not a woman either.
Dysphoria sucks. I'm not going to lie. We all wish we could look more "normal." But at some point you just have to decide that you're not going to let your own inadequacies control your life, that you are who you know you are, and you deserve to be you, whether you fit into these norms or not.
Well, it does when it contributes to passing and blending in. Otherwise, I can't have a fulfilling life as myself.
Also i've seen your videos and your body is not even half as bad as mine. If I didn't know you were trans, your body would read as cis female, even in the ones you fret about.
I also doubt you stick out as badly as I do with other women. Here is me pre transition on the far right.
Yes I had gained a few pounds, but it's not like my frame changed or anything. And again I'm only 6 feet tall.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FQOADwE9l.jpg%3F1&hash=ce0e933b6545d0be36d60a9d8d32b667d88f4601)
So lemons, I read over some of the posts you've made here over the past year, and I can't help but notice that nearly all of them are about your body dysphoria. This is obviously something that causes you a great deal of stress, but you've been coming here asking the same questions and getting the same answers for so long, I don't know what else I can say that would help. How are things in your life in general? Any particular hopes, or dreams that are not in any way related to your transition? Do you have any hobbies? Favorite song/movie/game? Anything else you want to talk about at all that isn't dysphoria related?
Edit: Also, that is one of the most clear before pictures I've seen of you, and if that guy on the right really is you, you have made amazing progress. Don't let the amazing progress you have made be diminished by the few remaining issues that you can't do anything about. :(
Lemons, you may not like what I have to say but baby you need some help in re-aligning your mental/emotional well being and your perception of your body. As everyone have said in this forum, you look like a typical girl.
However, we must accept the reality that some or most of us cannot be petite girl with a 24 waistline and can fit a size 0. You are a tall girl (6ft) I would not want to see a tall girl with a small head - it's all about proportion.
You have a wonderful gf and she loves you for you!
So stop worrying and start living. This is not a size of your head competition - this is life. It's going to continue without us whether we like it or not.
Sending you good vibes!
April
I've posted on here with similar concerns about my feet before. For you it's your head, for me my feet. It's that thing that I convince myself is stopping me from ever being considered female.
The other day work had a big party to celebrate being in business for 5 years. I had decided to wear a dress and sandal wedges, but was terrified that people would see my feet and instantly read me. I got so worked up about it that I nearly backed out. Various friends/family rallied around me to convince me that my foot issues were in my head, and I ended up going, wearing the dress, with feet on full display. And guess what; nothing bad happened. In fact, I just got compliments. I saw one guy who knew the old me and didn't know I transitioned; he didn't read me as trans, and so didn't recognise me.
I'd spent so long worrying about my feet I'd lost sight of the progress I'd made, ignored the positives in my appearance and most importantly let my insecurities put limits on my life. That's exactly what you are doing now.
I'm 5'8" and my head is 59cm, so only a tiny bit smaller than yours. I've never considered it to be a problem. If I started comparing that measurement with averages, obsessing over how my head looks etc, with the way my brain works I'm pretty sure I would quickly convince myself its a huge issue. You have essentially trained your brain to see things a certain way, so that to you, your head looks huge and you probably can't understand how no-one else can see it. Even when it's pointed out that it's the same size as some other person who passes fine, you are finding reasons why your situation is so much worse.
You need to start to address this, and seek professional help if needs be. From the photos not only do you look female, and perfectly normally proportioned, but you've made huge progress since those before photos were taken.
I'm never going to have the dainty feet I want, and you are never going to be small, but it doesn't mean you or I won't or can't pass. After I've recovered from my GRS I'm planning on seeking counselling for my body issues. I strongly suggest you do too. Above all, start trying to live your life rather than looking for reasons why you can't. You've had the strength to get this far; you have the strength to get past this as well.
Incidentally, motorcycle helmets are sold in sizes up to 3XL, which is made to fit a head that measures between 65-66cm. So you are a way off those sizes!!
Well, I have a fat head too. I gave up worrying about body issues a long time ago. What made me happy about myself was losing some weight. Now my shoulders look narrower, so the fat head looks fine.
I remember the first time I bought a bunch of stuff as an adult and put it on. I took some pictures with a camera to see if I could ever pass. There was no freakin way I'd ever pull it off. I was 100 percent positive of that. You know what? Most people don't even notice you unless you are a quivering scared wreck trying to hide in the corner. If you think you stand out in a line, get behind someone who stands out more. There's always someone.
I have always told people the same thing. After all you can do, the best thing you can do is establish confidence in yourself. Learn to exude it. Let it pour from your speech, your actions, your very being. People won't even notice.
Chin up.
Cindi
Lemons, woman come in all shapes and sizes and as much I know we have repeated that message so many times to others it bears repeating again. For me my first transition go around I got hung up on my head and the hair that was falling out. I let other peoples comments on it get under my skin too. Yet, woman face this problem too and there are solutions for that issue. The point is we all come in different shapes and sizes most people are never like the image that we have had painted in our heads by television and other media publications. In the pictures, you can see you have had a beautiful transformation so far. I know it is hard to over come these sticking points which is why as others have pointed out to therapy really could be beneficial for you, but when your ready. Hugs
Mariah
Quote from: Squircle on October 18, 2015, 04:50:49 PM
You need to start to address this, and seek professional help if needs be. From the photos not only do you look female, and perfectly normally proportioned, but you've made huge progress since those before photos were taken.
Listen well to Squircle - she's one of the most straight-talking, commonsensical people I've ever known, whether on these forums or otherwise.
Quote from: lemons on October 15, 2015, 03:48:27 PM
I've looked into FFS, but it seems it probably still won't solve my issues really. I have a very very large head, it measures 23.7 inches around and all that...all the measurements I've done of it (off wig measuring sites) confirm it's in the large category. I also think my face looks really big too...like when I notice most people their ears are closer to their faces (corners of eyes) but with my face and people with very large heads (only male celebrities I've noticed) their ears are further back, because their faces are so prominent and large:
http://imgur.com/a/XQkS4
It looks enormous like this:
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FXmA5Gs4l.jpg&hash=b8a833b1645dbb872b2aa5be7d783a9b2500cb14)
As opposed to something like this, which could work in female ranges easily/work longer hair and a variety of female hairstyles:
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FhzwjrX5l.jpg&hash=2bb6d273032c0685a516a1fb3d844ede5c71037b)
Even Caitlyn Jenner fell somewhere in this range, because she's able to rock different hairstyles and not have a head that looks off/male for her body.
Yet I measured from ear to ear (sideburn to sideburn across face over the nose, whatever you want call it) and it's the same measurement most people would have, man or woman. (11 inches) My head always makes me look awful in most women's clothes because it stands out like a sore thumb, not to mention I can't wear longer hair. (a wig would make my head and face look even bigger and stand out more) Wondering if anyone else has these issues and have made it wrk...I've yet to find anyone...
I only read what you said and not others so if I missed a mention, I apologize but have you considered getting bangs? It can help and make a huge difference on some people.