Susan's Place Transgender Resources

So yesterday was a massive day for me. I visited my local GP bright and early in the morning armed with my half completed referral form and some information which could help my conversation with the GP. I went in guy mode because I'm not comfortable with walking into my local town centre in girl mode just jet (I've lived here all my life so would likely bump into somebody I know!).

I saw a lovely female GP and told her I needed a referral to Northampton GIC because I am transgendered. I showed her the form and the protocol flow chart and she agreed that all she needed to do for me was to fill in the blanks, get the form stamped and write a covering letter. Within 20 minutes I had in my hand a completed and stamped (OMG) referral letter, along with covering letter and my patient history. I posted it that afternoon, first class so it will be with the GIC on Monday!

The waiting list (according to their website) is around 12 weeks as of August 2015, so hopefully I'll have an appointment within a few months. I want to go to my first appointment in girl mode, and in the next couple of months will be practicing my voice, booking myself in for laser hair removal on my face and getting a proper wig sorted (mine is a £15 from ebay jobbie).

I wonder if anybody else is on the waiting list for Northampton GIC and if so, how long have you been waiting? Also, if anybody is currently seeing therapists at the Northampton GIC, how are they? Any tips or recommendations?

I just wanted to share my excitement with all the lovely folk on Susans as this officially marks the start of my journey to womanhood! Woop woop!

Emily x

Congratulations, glad it went smoothly for you.

Congratulations, and well done. Hope you hear soon. Oh, and keep us posted.
Sophie

I've had two appointments at the Northampton GIC now and so far they've been pretty great.

My referral was sent off on the 20th of May and my first appointment was on the 18th of August. So it took 90 days (12 weeks 6 days) from the referral being sent and me sitting in the clinic.

So my first appointment was quite scary, I was nervous as can be and was presenting androgynously.
I saw Dr Khoosal who was nice, made lots of jokes and made me feel quite comfortable. He asked me a bunch of questions about my background and and stuff, some of them I felt were quite hard to answer but he was patient.
At the end of the appointment he asked me to write a "life story" 2 pages long that contains a list of points in my life I felt were relevant towards my dysphoria and to start working on changing my name.

From there, it was 85 days until my second appointment on the 11th of November with Dr Timmins. He was an absolute babe, super friendly. The appointment went pretty much the same way with him asking me the same questions but ended with him giving me a letter to get 8 course of laser on the NHS with a selection of laser clinics (I'm planning to go to SKN in Northampton town). And a consent form for me to sign after 4 weeks and for me to bring into my next appointment, which he said would be 4-6 weeks (half the time between my last two appointments).

I hope this helps, waiting sucks but we're lucky really, the Daventry clinic has some of the lowest waiting times in the country. If you've got any more questions I'd be happy to answer, feel free to PM me! :)

Thanks Jessica, all good info for those of us watching the letterbox for that appointment letter.

Disappointing that you didn't get the LHR letter until your second appointment, I was hoping that and voice would be forthcoming on the first visit but i suppose its inline with them having to see us be dysphoric for three months for them to give a diagnosis,  heaven forbid they take our word for it or even give us credit for the time between telling out GP and them. 

Did they give you any option on the laser, i was thinking maybe pay for laser then get the electrolysis sessions off them to finish up.

Glad the third appointment isn't such a long wait, i guess you get access to the magic beans in that one, do you think you may have got them quicker if you had gone more feminine to the first appointment or is that just their way,  I'm struggling to decide how to present for the first one,  I know femme will be best but its going to be a stressful day as it is without the added stress of presenting.

Thanks for the info Jessica!

That looks like a fairly average time for Daventry, like you say we are lucky that it's the closest for us :)

I have actually already got some Laser appointments for my face booked starting in a week and a bit. Voice therapy is what I'm really after, and of course the magic beans. That is a very long time between appointments but I'm not in too big a rush. My aim is to get on HRT by my 30th birthday in August 2016. And get my voice and facial hair sorted in the meantime.

Thanks again, your input is really useful. I do actually already have a couple of pages of my trans history written, and also have a list of things which I believe make me trans (experiences, feelings, thoughts etc). I'm planning on going full girl for the appointment. When I say full girl I don't mean a party dress and tiara, will probably involve skinny jeans and woolly top but I will be wearing a wig and makeup.

Would be great to hear any more news on progress from both of you! I'll keep you in the loop on mine :)

Would also be interested to know if either of you attend any local support groups?

Quote from: Debbie55 on November 19, 2015, 03:36:28 PM
Did they give you any option on the laser, i was thinking maybe pay for laser then get the electrolysis sessions off them to finish up.

do you think you may have got them quicker if you had gone more feminine to the first appointment or is that just their way?

Yes the letter I had was just a list of the laser and electrolysis clinics that are partnered with the NHS, you could have either, wherever you want.

I don't think it would have made a difference if I dressed more femininely, the waiting would still be the same. I've got an FtM friend who's also going to Daventry, and he's been presenting male full time for several months before his first appointment, and it seems like I'm going through the hoops faster than he is.

I recently had my laser consultation on the 27th, and it took 3 days for my funding request to go through, I've got my first laser appointment booked for the 29th of December. Can't wait!

Meanwhile I've got my diagnosis letter from Dr Timmins and have got to have some blood tests, I've had my next appointment letter arrive a few days ago too! It's on the 5th of January, which is 7 weeks 3 days from my second appointment. I'm hoping I'll get the go ahead and can start hrt then!

I don't go to any support groups, although I'm open to going to one if its close enough, I can't travel far.

Great news Jessica,  I guess they have a bit of a delay due to xmas,  Still watching out for the postman each morning afternoon. but all he brings are bills.

I need to get restarted on laser, I had 4 sessions with a soprano laser last winter but it wasn't doing much so i got a refund on the last two and referred to somewhere else with an Nd-YAG/Alex laser, but with summer and a late holiday I'm still in sun exposure time and not looking forward to starting zapping again.

Hey There,

Just wanted to find out if either of you had got any further through the hoops yet. I'm still waiting for my first appointment letter.

Also, Jessica I was wondering if you were asked to get your name change and social transition done before you could start on HRT? I didn't think that was currently a requirement in WPATH.


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I didn't want to post before xmas because i didn't want to put a downer on the festive period for any of you, but xmas was yesterday now, but if you want to prolong the festivities a bit longer, maybe come back and read the next two paragraphs later and skip ahead for the good news now.

I was expecting to have received my appointment letter by dec 24th, a date 6 weeks before the 18week time limit they said they were conforming to when i spoke to them in October and the 6 weeks they said they would send the letter before the appointment.  Well as I have been watching the post for this letter and my ear rings i ordered on amazon which turned out to be on a slow boat from china, neither of which have turned up yet so who knows if either, or both have gone missing or not  I figured on Tuesday I should call in an check on the waiting list,  Well i didn't get far, don't think they even asked for my name to look anything up, but just said for a first appointment it was a 6 month wait and i would get my letter when it was time.  Well i was a little taken aback and queried the 6 months as I was told 18 weeks and all they said was, well the waiting lists have exploded and i will hear from them, So that was that and i hung up the phone and had my own emotional explosion.  :'(

So it would seem the short waiting lists for Northampton are no more, (ok still shorter than most but still...) and I was pretty bummed that where i though i was about to get my appointment letter, in actual fact i am now only reaching the point of waiting that I thought i was at when i joined the queue back in oct, all this time and I feel like I'm back at square one.

But on a more positive note, I have been getting out more, for months i have been getting depressed for chickening out of taking the opportunity to do the weekly food shop as myself rather than him,  I angst over it for ages and figured maybe we would go to another supermarket for the first time where no one would recognize us.  Well it didn't happen that way,  I took the plunge but time and a need to stop in for xmas shopping on the way meant a combination of standing around in Argos,  deep breath and shopping in a toy shop surrounded by trans kriptonite children and then the weekly shop in our usual weekly supermarket, so i am out to them now!! Well that was nov 19 and i have not set foot in the place as him since, only as her,  I even went on Monday on my own when it was packed out and fought for my turkey with all the other woman in front of the bored once a year husbands standing around watching, ok so it wasn't quite hair pulling and nails but just busy like you'd expect the week before xmas and I was rocking my confidence and didn't care, and best of all no one else seemed to either.  And i have been getting out a bit more as well, all my xmas shopping and a few errands,  I'm trying my best to do girl mode unless there is a particular reason not to rather than just taking the easy option and each time the list of things i though i could never do as a woman gets shorter and my confidence stronger.

Quote from: byanyothername on December 26, 2015, 08:29:02 AM
Hey There,

Just wanted to find out if either of you had got any further through the hoops yet. I'm still waiting for my first appointment letter.

Also, Jessica I was wondering if you were asked to get your name change and social transition done before you could start on HRT? I didn't think that was currently a requirement in WPATH.

I haven't heard anything more yet. My first laser appointment is in a few days, and I've got my next clinic appointment soon on the 5th, I'll let you all know how they go! I'm so excited to finally begin zapping the manliness from my face!

I was asked if i could start looking into my name change, but I don't think that's a requirement.
My FTM friend (who also went to the Daventry clinic) has been on testosterone for several months now and still hasn't completed their name change (although they have started it). So I wouldn't worry about that.
My guess is that they like to make the whole thing feel 'real', by legally changing your name you're declaring to everyone that you're transgender, for me, the thought of "omg this is actually going to happen" was quite scary and gave me a new perspective on the whole issue, of course it hasn't stopped me, but that's why they take it so slow, to make sure that it's what you really really want.

They're pretty flexible in terms of how everything is done, they understand that transitioning can be scary and disrupt our lives quite a lot if we're not ready for it, or our situation is more difficult in some areas (a boss at work/family member who could make your life even more difficult because of it, or haven't completely come out yet to everyone or any other reason).

The NHS doesn't actually follow the WPATH guidelines, they used to but then made their own. Don't worry though, they're pretty similar!
Dr Khoosal at the Daventry clinic had a part in writing the guidelines for England. (He'll likely tell you that himself, he seemed quite proud of having a part in it.)
Here's a PDF of the guidelines they use. (http://"https://www.england.nhs.uk/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/int-gend-proto.pdf")

BTW, I love your new avatar Emily, you look very cute and feminine, I'm jealous!


And Debbie,

I wouldn't worry about the initial waiting period - if you're on the list you can assume you'll get a letter soon enough, don't forget the christmas period will be slower than any other time of the year.
They're doing the best that they can with the resources they have (if you want to blame anyone blame the fat cats at the top of the ladder making the decisions).
The staff at the clinic really are a nice, hard working bunch!
I've ended up having small-talk conversations with the receptionists on both of my visits, and I'm the type of introvert that never talks to anyone more than they have to!


I'm wondering if you gals would be up for some kind of get-together, since we're all in Northampton? I'd love to do something with some fellow girls, unfortunately I don't have that many friends!

Hiya,

Thanks for the quick replies, and thank you Jessica for your lovely compliment. I'd really love to get together for a bit of social time, I don't have many friends either, and none who I can be myself around so it would be nice to make one or two. I live in between Cambridge and Northampton but I'd be happy to travel over your way. Send me a PM and we'll get something organised :-D

I've got my first laser appointment very soon too, at Cambridge Skin and Laser. Very excited to start getting rid of that stubble!

Luckily I wasn't really expecting to get a therapy appointment until Feb/March anyway so that's around 6 months from my referral. I obviously set myself some low expectations and now I'm glad I had! Thanks for sharing your findings Lisa (PS have you changed your chosen name?), and I'm glad you are embracing the world as your true self. It's something I will be doing more and more over the coming months too. I guess it's like a snowball rolling downhill once it starts, my main fear is being recognised because I've lived here for so long, but at some point I've just got to come out and stop caring if someone from my school days clocks me.

The Doctors and staff at Daventry sound great, and I'm glad there is no requirement to do a name change straightaway because although I understand the gravity of what I'm seeking to do, I won't be ready for a full social transition until I've been on HRT for a little while. Mainly due to workplace stuff which should go OK but I need the timing to be correct.

Anyway, thanks for the updates and hopefully speak to you both soon!

Em x

Hi Debbie here, well now Lisa anyway,  I chose Debbie as a name online a long time ago,(shortly after signing up for AOL!) subsequently my cousin married one and another moved into my small neighborhood, none of that mattered when it was all a secret but throw in my partner wasn't 100% keen on the name when i finally told her and the potential awkwardness when i tell others it was time to open up the selection process again.  I am still fond of Debbie and will likely use it as my middle name though.

As for meeting up, I'm not actually very local to Northampton, I'm down in surrey but travel time to Northampton is probably not much longer than getting into London and back out to hamersmith or the hassle of driving in and parking, plus there's the CHX wait list and other personal reasons to avoid CHX  (not GIC or trans related), I had been considering Exeter as my first choice but their wait list exploded last year when the word got out that it was short, the same thing that is happening to NH now

Em, good luck with the getting out and about, starting to wonder if the snowballs turning into an avalanche, probably a couple of critical coming out events still holding it back but once they are out of the way i think the whole mountain will come down hopefully to reveal the girl underneath.

Quote from: byanyothername on December 27, 2015, 06:44:40 PM
Thanks for the quick replies, and thank you Jessica for your lovely compliment. I'd really love to get together for a bit of social time, I don't have many friends either, and none who I can be myself around so it would be nice to make one or two. I live in between Cambridge and Northampton but I'd be happy to travel over your way. Send me a PM and we'll get something organised :-D

I've got my first laser appointment very soon too, at Cambridge Skin and Laser. Very excited to start getting rid of that stubble!

I guess it's like a snowball rolling downhill once it starts, my main fear is being recognised because I've lived here for so long, but at some point I've just got to come out and stop caring if someone from my school days clocks me.

The Doctors and staff at Daventry sound great, and I'm glad there is no requirement to do a name change straightaway because although I understand the gravity of what I'm seeking to do, I won't be ready for a full social transition until I've been on HRT for a little while. Mainly due to workplace stuff which should go OK but I need the timing to be correct.

Emily,

You're very welcome! I'll PM you when I can - I don't post often, haven't got the privilege yet!

Yes speaking of laser I just got back from my first session!
It was a lot more painful than I expected it to be, trying to gauge from the patch test during my consultation.
But that didn't prepare me for my chin/upper lip areas - it's really thick around there and hurt like hell!
Thankfully I only had to endure about 10 minutes, it's really quick!

It's a little sore now but should be fine in a couple of days, can't wait to start seeing the effects!
Got my next appointment in about 4 weeks (can't remember the exact date although I have written it down somewhere...)

I've got the same fears, it really is terrifying going outside as Jess at first.
But since I only own Jess' clothes now I don't have much of a choice, and I'm getting quite used to it.
My situation is easier than most though, I currently work from home, self employed, so I've got a comfortable space to be myself in a lot of the time.
But frankly it doesn't seem like anyone even cares, of course there's the odd person but there's not much to be done about that apart from walking away.

Quote from: Lisa55 on December 29, 2015, 02:40:25 PM
Hi Debbie here, well now Lisa anyway.

As for meeting up, I'm not actually very local to Northampton, I'm down in surrey.

Lisa,

Oh I must say that your name change had me confused, I had thought I got your name wrong in one of my previous posts! Silly me :')

I do think I prefer Lisa, though! Good choice, it suits you!

That's too bad that you're not local. :(

So I thought I'd post a little update, I had my third GIC appointment today with Dr Timmins.

Not really much progress this time, I've been asked to get checked for the BRCA gene, since my mother has had breast cancer.

He was having trouble with the network and couldn't use his laptop, and they were quite understaffed so could not complete my physical examination.
He took my Deed Poll and HRT consent form, and will hand it back next time I see him.

In a few weeks I should have another appointment, which if I'm clear of this gene I'll get the go-ahead to start HRT!

Sorry to hear your appointment wasn't as productive as hoped for, hopefully your test is clear and the next appointment is soon, 

Still watching the letterbox here

Hello ladies, sorry for the bump but thought it would be nice to update this thread of the Northampton GIC letterbox watchers.

Well i have been sitting at the bottom of the stairs watching the letterbox for 6 months.  Last week i made contact with them to be told September referrals were being processed for June appointments so a few more months sitting on the stairs waiting.  But I was watching the letterbox this Tuesday so intensely I nearly didn't hear it.  My phone ringing, a private number, great another PPI call.  I tentatively answer expecting to tell them where to go, but no, it was Northampton on line one, asking if i was busy on Thursday.  Dr Timmins had a change of plans and was running a short notice clinic on Thursday so they were just working their way through the waiting list calling numbers to see who answered and who was free. OMG of course i was free, I didn't even have the time to get stressed out, barely had time for the plaster i troweled onto my face to dry.

So yesterday off i went purse in hand, clicking my heels all the way to Daventry to see Dr Timmins.  We sat down and had a chat about resources available to me, my history, my future, my blood work (i had tests from this month) apparently for some reason my E is already up there in the low female range and he asked me if i had been licking anyone elses pills which i assured him i hadn't, but yeah me. It was a nice chat very informal with no deeply personal or probing questions, Just getting to know each other.

I had a great day, I feel really positive for once.

TLDR:  If your waiting for a GIC appointment, don't ignore unknown numbers on your phone, and don't sweat that first appointment.

Great news Lisa!
I'm glad for you :)

I forgot to post here with my updates!

On the 10th of February I had my 4th appointment with Dr Timmins and after a physical examination, he approved for me to start my hormone therapy :D

I had also asked about voice therapy and he said he'd sort it out for me - I just had to wait for a letter to arrive with my appointment confirmation.

After about a month after the 4th appointment, I received my letter informing my GP that I had been approved for HRT! This was on the 7th of March.
I rang up my GP immediately and got a them to write my prescription, needless to say I ran to the pharmacy and picked them up as soon as I could!

A few days ago I got my letter for my first voice therapy session at Northampton General.

So far, things are going great!

Congratulations, ladies! Still waiting for my first appointment at Daventry. Hopefully I'll hear from them soon.

Hello there :-)

I called a little while back and got told that the waiting period has now gone up to 6 months, but if they are processing September referrals for June, that means I probably won't get appointment number 1 until July! That makes me very sad :-( I guess the thing that is frustrating me is that I'm having to pay for the hair removal and voice therapy out of my own pocket because I don't want to wait for the 2nd or 3rd appointment to get started!

Glad to hear you got yourself a last minute appointment Lisa, do you think it's worth getting some blood work done prior to the first appointment then? I assume you just went to your GP and asked them for it? I'd be fascinated to know what my E levels are like at the moment!

Hope E is treating you well Jessica :-)

Emily x

Hi Emily

I got my blood-work done as after being told the 6 month thing and the thought that there would be at least 3 months on top of that for HRT i decided to go to Dr Webberley. Its frustrating that laser and HRT is costing me money and a bit irritating to be told by the GIC to save my money as they will provide all that. my thoughts were something like,  errr well YOUR NOT YET and you have made no commitment to either......ironically I paid my initial fees to Dr Webberley the day before i got the call from the GIC and i initially doubted I had done the right thing, but given i was told at the GIC my second appointment would be in 5 or 6 weeks and i got the letter for it a few days ago for the end of August I'll hopefully have a good start by the time i go to my next GIC appointment. Fingers crossed i'll get something out of Dr Webberley this week.

But yeah i just went to my GP and asked for a combination of the tests DR Webberly said in her initial contact and the guidelines for CHX,  Frustratingly i later decided to put some "stuff" in the freezer and so had to get more blood tests for infection screening, so if you thinking of doing that also then get all the tests lined up in one go

Hello everyone,
I referred myself to the Northampton in January. The doctor didn't know what he was doing so I had to show him the GP guidelines, write my own referral and then keep chasing him to post it. Took him 2 weeks! Got the acknowledgment and agreement for shared care a few weeks later.

The practice I go to has several different GP's and the booking system usually gives you a random doctor based on an available timeslot so you never really know who you're getting. None of them has any experience with transgendered people so they rely on me telling them what bloodwork to order and how to interrupt the results.
When I called the GIC in March I was told that my first appointment would be in September. I am transitioning later in life and like Lisa I found Dr Webberley and am working with her.

I've posted an introduction if you would like to know a little more about me.

Holly

Hey Holly and welcome to the waiting room! I had to do the same thing with my doctor. She was cool though and took it all in her stride. I also took the signed letter and posted it myself which was a nice moment for me!

Your story is such a common one, in 20 years people will look back and be gob smacked at what we had to deal with.

I wrote another post about an informational guide which I created for friends and family. You might find it useful, I'll find a link to it and post it here for you :-)

Edit: here is the link: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php?topic=206318

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Hi Holly

Welcome another letterbox watcher.  Your GP sounds like a bit of a drama not knowing who you will get, I can sympathize a little as my main GP just went on Maternity leave so i now have to try out some of the other GP's in the practice, but at least they have the system set up so i can choose which one i see rather than lucky dip.  I have started taking notes on them and ranking them of which are more interested/supportive than others so i can remember who to pick down the line.

Hopefully though when my GP comes back from maternity leave I may be in a position to introduce her to her name sake, not that i named myself after her, its just an awkward coincidence.

Anyway I too did the take along all the documents and pre-filled the referral form, I didn't get to post mine myself though, that must have been a profound moment, dropping that letter in the post box Emily.

I really like your presentation too, it says all the right things and in a positive way.  I have been looking for something like that to give to my family but find most of the guides start off well but always get bogged down in negative aspects which i feel aren't helpful at the early stage as it may reinforce fears, yours really doesn't do that and is about the right amount of info for an introduction. It looks like we share a style of writing and humor too. I wont share yours though with your personal information in it unless that is what you intended by posting it.

This new advice from the GMC for GP's may be of use to some struggling with GP's and waiting

http://www.gmc-uk.org/guidance/ethical_guidance/28852.asp

I notice though that it doesn't always go through to the useful page, so if you only see a couple of paragraphs and links,  Find the tiny link at the bottom above all the twitter and Facebook links and click the Begin reading link for the good info.

Woop! I got my letter :-) my appointment is on the 11th May, 6 months to the day after my referral was sent. I'm so happy!!

I have actually started hormones now, on a very low dosage of estrogen only, and hopefully the NHS doesn't penalise me for it. It's going to be good to get moving on the NHS system :-)


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yeah, congratulations,  11th may isn't far away now

Hello,

Sorry for the late reply and thanks for all the info. Emily, I was wondering whether you would allow me to post your link on my Facebook page at a later date when I do make my big announcement?

Quite a lot has happened since my last post, mostly good.

I met up with a transwoman in the company I work for who has just returned to work after 10 weeks following SRS. She's a senior project manager with direct contact with the MD, lead for 'Diversity & Inclusion' and all transgender related company information. She told me about her experiences, both personally and professionally and we ended up taking for nearly 3 hours. It was really nice meeting someone who understands and even nicer being able to give her a hug instead of shaking hands. Some advice she gave me was that in her experience it was better to tell people early about changing as she felt that she missed out on a lot of support from her friends in her in the early days. We are both the same age so I could relate to her quite easily. I feel more comfortable about who knows now so I have started to tell my wider circle of friends and even changed my Facebook picture. You are all welcome to join my old self on Facebook. You'll find that name under 'Contact' at galaxytv.co.uk, which Facebook will recognise. Trust me there's no way you'll get the wrong person!

I went to see my GP last week and he said that he wanted to talk about my medication. Don't know what his idea of a discussion is as he told me straight that he will not issue me with a bridging prescription despite clear guidelines in WPATH, RCS and GMC documents I sent to him. He only offered to write to Dr Timmins to tell him what I was doing and, in the circumstances would he make my appointment sooner. Sooner than what? I still don't have a date yet. He then brought up my bloodwork and told me that he didn't understand what he was looking at, so I sat beside him and went through it with him. Unfortunately, I can't go into any detail due to the forum rules but I can say that my blood is now in the best shape it's been in the past 5 years.

All 6 of the female staff at the surgery seem a little friendlier and more talkative towards me now. They all know me by sight and I don't even have to give them any details when I walk in. They obviously know about me because one of them typed up my referral notes, but I try not to think about that part too much because there was some embarrassing detail in there! The only thing they don't know is my new name, but that's probably just a matter of time.

It was my birthday on Tuesday and amongst the usual cards with my old name on was one for Holly. My partner had actually sent me TWO birthday cards, one with each name. Holly's card had a lovely message saying how my partner would support me no matter what and picture of a dark haired young woman on the front. I have very dark brown hair and I've told her that I want to go blonde in 2 years' time so Holly's card also read 'dark haired women are just as beautiful'. My partner has long blonde hair and blue eyes!

See you all soon,
Holly

Hey Holly,

Sounds like things are going really well for you! Great news and happy birthday :-) you are welcome to link to my presentation, just send me a PM if you need some of the wording changed and I can provide you with a custom link!

The GP stuff is really interesting. I'll be going to see mine soon to get my blood work done and will take lots of documentation along with me!


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Hello there,

So yesterday was the day of my appointment with the GIC and I'm happy to say that it went really well!

I got a few firsts in that day; first time wearing a dress outdoors (although it rained on me!) and first time going into the ladies bathroom (at the service station - it was so clean!).

I arrived for the appointment which ended up about 45 minutes late (seems pretty standard really). The new doctor (Dr. Hasit I think) came out and dead named me straightaway which was a bit depressing. I had put my desired name on the form and everything :-( He was a funny character to be honest, very slow on the keyboard and quite formal at first. But he opened up later on.

He started off by just asking lots of questions about my life (parents, siblings and the like) and then asking questions about things like my sexuality, when I first knew something was wrong, stuff like that.

I had also written a 3 page autobiography which I gave to him to put in my file, apparently they ask for this so I kinda beat them to it :-)

I told him I was self medding and he didn't have a problem with it: he told me to get my blood work done by my GP and bring it into my next appointment which is awesome! He also told me that I pass quite well already which is great for my self esteem! I feel over the moon to have got started on the NHS pathway now, and to finally be getting the estrogen my body craves.

All is good in the world of Emily! I started this thread back in October last year and it's lovely that is Northampton-ish girls have come together to keep eachother up to date on the workings of our lovely GIC. Thanks for participating :-)


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Here's a cheeky selfie I took on my way out of the GIC xx

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fuploads.tapatalk-cdn.com%2F20160512%2F347298e60ea15af63f7c1b6dc34f486a.jpg&hash=8028a879f78e83a8409a4270d0b243d211220d6e)


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Glad you had a good day and no grief about the self meds.

The smile in your photo says it all

I'm glad that everything went so well for you, but using your past name IS deeply unprofessional.
Shame I can't discuss the self-medicating with you (due to the rules).
Nice to see you so happy!

I've just called the GIC. They told me that there is now a 10 month waiting list and wouldn't give me a date for my first appointment, so I'm now looking at October / November. I also mentioned my GP refusing to give me a bridging prescription and was told to send them an email to see if there was anything they could do.

On a more positive note, one of my old customers has asked me to film her presentation show so at least I should get enough money from it to start my laser treatment.

Emily, I did snd you and email. Hope you got it.

See you all soon.

Quick update - just got my 2nd appointment date...26 October!! Over 5 months after my first appointment!


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Sounds inline with mine.  March > August.  If you haven't already received it, chase up your first appointment outcome letter,   Thought mine had come and it was my 2nd appointment letter, waited a few more weeks knowing these things are a bit $@!&, eventually phoned up and it was all done and confusion on why I hadn't got it so  they re-sent it, when it turned up it was dated 2 weeks after my appointment and said I had declined  copy!

Weird! I got my report along with my appointment luckily :-)


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I had an appointment with my doctor on Monday to review my blood test results and he still refuses to give me a bridging prescription. He did say that he had asked the Warwickshire Trust for advice and their reply was, as they had no one qualified to advise him he should do nothing, which is what he's very good at. Basically the entire county of Warwickshire has no transgender support!

Today was a lot more positive as I got a phone call from Dr Timmings. Still no appointment but he said that they would now call me immediately if they have any cancellations because I have no support from my GP. Ironically he was able to talk to me because he had a cancellation. I talked him through my medication and he said that I had been following 'old' advice and that the current thinking was that you now only need Estradiol at the right dosage as Oestradiol will naturally shut down most of the T production. T blockers are now only used if T remains high. He was said that I could lower my dose of Estradiol a little due to my age as the excess is simply being wasted and that a lower dosage would also slow down breast development so growth would not be too obvious in public in 'boy mode'. Oops, too late for that! Size A already and in need of constant support. Interestingly he said that very high Oestradiol levels in older patents could result conical shaped breasts. Anyone want to look like Madonna?

Even better though, Dr Timmings is now contacting my GP about a bridging prescription, so I should be soon popping into the chemist, just as my own tablets are running out.

Be in touch soon.

You got a phone call from Dr Timmins?!? Incredible.

Also strange what he said about hormones because I know somebody who is prescribed through that GIC and blockers were prescribed straightaway. I think he might just be saying that to reduce risk for you (T blockers are the ones which usually carry a health risk).

Great to hear they will help with a bridging prescription though, my doctor didn't suggest such a thing at my appointment when I told him I was self medicating.


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Yes, It was really Dr Timmings. I was at work when my desk phone rang and the caller asked for Holly. He paused for a second and said 'Holly Fox'. I work in a IT company with 20,000+ employees in the UK and only 2 transwomen in the company know my new name in full so to hear a male voice asking for Holly completely caught me off-guard. My office has about 200 people in it, none of whom knows that I am transitioning, so it made our conversation a little awkward to start with so he eventually called me back on my personal mobile.

I did think the information on not needing T blockers was a bit strange, especially when he then seemed to contradict himself later on by telling me about some patients receiving T blocking injections costing thousands, which would be beyond most people's finances. He said that if I ended up having to get a private prescription then my order of priority would be Estradiol, Finasteride and then Spironolactone and also told me to finish the medication that I had and not simply stop. Reading between the lines I think he's just trying to reduce my health risks until the clinic takes over my medication because he said that they have had 3 near fatalities in the past 20 years due to the side-effects of the T blockers. People of my age are many more times at risk of heart attacks, heart failure, liver and kidney disease, or complete failure, blood clots, DVT and other nasties.

All the way through talking to me he was asking questions about my bloodwork, saying that he was unable to open the pdf attachment in my email. I think that he was really just testing me to see if I knew what I was talking about and I was able to answer all but one of his questions, which was what was my GFR level. This apparently is an artificial 'guess' at the efficiency of the kidney function. I do have slight kidney problems so it does make sense given my creatinine level. Maybe it was large amount of detail in my email to him that caught his attention and prompted him to call me.

Another area he covered was my appearance. He said that by now I would now have quite obvious facial changes, which were not so obvious to adults but would cause a reaction with toddlers and very young children. I haven't really notice much difference myself and neither has my 6-year-old granddaughter but I do seem to get toddlers looking at me and smiling, and this did happen in the doctor's waiting room on Monday morning. At work some people have said that I appear to be looking younger and at home my partner told me that I'm acting more like a 15-year-old girl! She's being sarcastic because she says that I don't act my age. She'll do some gardening and I'll be watching Glastonbury. She'll watch Jeremy Kyle and I'll be at the gym. She'll watch the grandkids at the park and I'll be on the rides with them!

My triathlon suit should be arriving today so I'll finally be able to go swimming again after 15 years.

See you soon.

Thanks so much for the update Holly :-) I'm noticing some very subtle changes in my face (although it's only been a month and a bit) and my Mum said I look different.

It is scary going through the risks of self medication because GPs are unwilling/untrained to help, and GICs are so back logged. Luckily I'm young and in good shape, although I did smoke for a long time. I still need to be very careful.

It will be over a year from sending my referral letter to getting through my second opinion appointment, and it will likely take 3-6 months after that to get my prescription. I do t blame GICs but it is frustrating.

It's really lovely to be seeing changes in how I look and feel. I could never go back to having testosterone in my system now!


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Holly

Is your GP a lost cause or just lost? 

The GMC guidelines for GP's tells them to contact the GIC's for help with bridging HRT rather than just rely on others in their trust who have no better idea.

http://www.gmc-uk.org/guidance/ethical_guidance/28851.asp

The guide also has a link to GP online training for gender variance.

http://elearning.rcgp.org.uk/course/info.php?popup=0&id=169

So if he is willing to learn and try then there are resources out there he can use,  not so useful if he's an ostrich with his head in the sand though! 

Glad your both getting on well with the meds,  some changes here too, boobies are defiantly a bit tender and subtle changes in the face, not sure how much of that is laser or HRT but i see her more in the mirror without extreme thicknesses of make-up.  My make-up remover wipe use is now down to only one and even that isn't saturated orange when done!!

I'm having a bit of a full time trial at the moment as I'm on vacation and have been Lisa full time for three weeks while here and its a massive confidence boost, even been going to the beach in my tankini and cute swim skirt, got to loose that weight though for the real bikini experience.  I'll admit make-up three times a day is a bit of a chore but getting it down to manageable time spent now and not really having any problems out and about, everyone has been real nice and keep calling us ladies and we get weird questions about splitting the restaurant check which we never did as a hetro couple or even when we have travelled with my dad.  I joke with her that they probably think I'm paying her to take me out lol

Anyway i hear the beach calling....

Slightly off-topic, but I was wondering whether anyone will be going to Pride in London next Saturday?

Got a call from the clinic at 9:45 this morning on my work desk phone. "We've had a cancellation. Can you come and see us at 11:30?" A frantic rush from Birmingham to Daventry and I'm now sat in the waiting room ready to meet Dr Timings. Absolutely incredible!

Hope it goes well Holly!

Did you just call the gender clinic and ask to be on a cancellation list or something?


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Emily, My exact wording on the email was "I will take any cancelled, short notice or same day appointment, just give me about 90 minutes to get to you".

Like everyone else has said he is a very nice man and calls you by your new name like you've always had it.

We started off by going through my blood work, which he was happy about and I pressed him further about his comments about not needing T blockers. How he described it was that they would initially prescribe Androgen blockers to get the T level down to a low value. Mine is at 0.3 nome/L, which in his own works is pretty non-existent. He said that now I have been at that level for a while the Estradiol would effectively continue to suppress T and that I would now only need a monthly injection, of androgen blocker which would later become every 3 months. This is also something my GP can administer so no need for a clinic appointment.

Next came the family history and the details of my referral. We didn't dwell on that long because there was not much to question me about since I had written my own referral.

Then came the part he could see I was apprehensive about, the physical examination. As he put on his rubber gloves he asked me why I was nervous. I told him that I was worried where he was going to stick his finger! He said that he didn't need to do a prostate examination but I would have to strip off to underwear. He then examined my feet and pushed and prodded all over. Before he got his stethoscope out. He found a hear beat, which is always a reassuring sign, but it was in the wrong place (on my right). I asked him if I was actually a time-Lord with 2 hearts but disappointingly it was just the body cavities throwing the sound. He wasn't able to hear some heart valve momement, which completely dumbfounded him and said that this had only ever happened to him once in 20 years. I now need to have angiogram and spirometers tests because of a family history of heart disease. Despite my health crashing down in December to a point where I couldn't walk more than a few steps, he says that I'm now in very good shape and that I have very strong legs, and would make a goody rugby player. What he giveth he taketh away! Now the really embarrassing bits. Checked my breast development and was quite surprised how advanced they were and told me that I really needed to tell all my work colleagues now because it was only the excess fat that was hiding both my facial and body changes and as that as disappears it will be impossible to hide. Then he asked me how large my testicles were. I didn't really have an answer to that, except 'not as big as they used to be'. I was then expecting the worst but instead he handed me what looked like a necklace with elongated beads. "Top end of the scale or bottom end?". At least all I had to do was point. Apparently my hips have also grown quite a bit, but I haven't noticed that myself.

He weighed me and measured my height saying that it was just a myth that you can shrink when taking hormones and doesn't actually happen. He then calculated the probability of death by taking hormones as you are then 20x more at risk. Fortunately as I have good blood and my health is improving all the time the risk for me is very small, so he will start me 'officially' on hormone treatment. At this point he handed me a few sheets of A4 for me to read through and send back. These are consent forms with an explanation of the treatment and asking you not to blame the clinic if you die. I wasn't able to sign there because they enforce a 4 week 'cooling-off' period, so in less than 6 weeks I should getting my first legal prescription and my first injection of Androgen blockers. At the same time I should be able to book my first laser hair removal - the NHS gives you 800 pounds of credit for this so I'll be off to SKN in Birmingham ASAP.

Hope this helps anyone wanting to know what's in store for them.

Thanks for the write up Holly, some good info about what happens in the physical. I still have that to come as he didn't have a chaperone on the day I saw him so I get a double appointment in Aug for Dr T to look at my bod and Dr K to look at my head!

Sounds like your skipping along on fast track now!  Congratulation for getting one foot on the step to HRT.  Do you mind if I ask if you have done your name change yet,  Are they letting you on HRT without it?

On the subject of T blockers, it sounds as if he is being a bit accurate and we are all a bit layman's in our wording.   From what he described he is putting you on is the standard NHS GnRHa implant to kill the T which is a monthly or three monthly injection.  Its effect is to over stimulate the pituitary gland which controls hormone levels.  Doing this ultimately causes the production of testosterone to stop.   

On the other hand Spiro and Cypro act to block the receptors and Fin stops the conversion to DHT, so are blockers whereas the GnRHa is more of a stopper so there is nothing to block.

Something to be aware of is that when starting GnRHa it causes a spike in testosterone during the over stimulation phase so you need to be on a blocker for the first couple of weeks or hold on for a wild ride, so make sure your GP prescribes a couple of weeks of Cypro at the same time.

The GnRHa implants are quite expensive and need a nurse to do them which is why no one self meds with them, they are also pretty much only really used by the NHS.

Lisa, thank you for the information about the injection. I hadn't really looked into that side because I thought that you were offered a choice and I would choose tablets, so that was never part of my research. Thanks to you I now know better and can start to understand them.

I am still living under my old name and still present myself as male. Unlike you and Emily I do not look remotely female yet, despite what Dr Timmings says, so my body transition is likely to take 2 years before I'm happy that I have changed enough to present as female. I say 2 years but at the rate Dr Timmings says that I'm changing it could be much sooner. I'm not one of those people who can just dress up, go out and not care about what anyone else thinks. I will be running with a duel identity for a year or two and will receive my prescription under my old name.

I got my official letter from Dr Timmings to my GP this morning and it basically tells my GP to provide a bridging description of Estradiol and Finasteride. Spironolactone is being dropped. As this letter was based on a 30 minute phone conversation with Dr Timmings on Thursday I expect that a second letter wil arrive shortly now that I have now had my appointment. This is the first official document that I have received addresses to: old name (Holly Fox) and the first time that anyone has written about me using 'she' and 'her'. I have to admit that part of me is a bit scared and very excited at the same time. Seeing it all in black & white has really brought home that everything I have ever known is changing for real and nothing will ever be the same again. It's like the film 'When World Collide'. You leave behind everything you have ever known and embrace the unknown. Just like the end of the film, the future is bright and exciting and I just can't wait to get there.

Mode Edit:Dosage

Just a few little odds and ends that I've remembered about the physical examination. Let's start with the knees. First they will get tapped by a rubber hammer with and without clenched teeth to test your reactions, the soles of your feet will be quickly brushed by the pole size of the hammer for your reaction (I nearly jumped off the couch!). Next part is with a tuning fork. This will be tapped and placed on each knee to see if you can feel the vibration. One side of the fork I then warmed and you will be asked to close your eyes and say whether your legs are being touched by the warm of cold side. Then you will be asked to hold out your arms and he will then gently pull at your fingers and ask you to close your eyes before getting you to touch your nose with a pointed finger from each hand. Your eyes will also be examined with a lit magnifying tool (can't remember the actual name) so that he can look at the blood vessels in the back of your eye. Another eye test was spacial awareness. Look at a cross on the wall while he puts his fingers in each corner of your field of view and you tell him when he is waggling his fingers. You will do this separately for each eye. Finally came the cough test where he puts his fingers on the edge of the pubic area and gets you to cough. I understand that this is to check for hernias but I believe that an addition test of coughing while pressing below the sack and possible a scan is done in the lead up to SRS, a few years down the line. You will also get your blood pressure measured.

If I remember any really significant I'll make another post but I think that's about it. NOT looking forward to the psychiatric interview whenever that's going to happen. I had enough trouble with voices in my head for years before taking Estradiol and I don't need someone rattling the cage to see if anything is going to happen. My other self also agrees. DAMN! Who said that?  ;D

I could really do with trying to get myself on this fast track! With my current rate of progress I can't see myself getting on prescribed HRT until next year!

Thank you Lisa and Holly for all the information, it's all very useful to have! I've got myself booked in for my first blood tests now so that's something!


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Emily,
Just keep pushing hard. I pretty much bombarded the clinic with every detail I had; drugs, dosage, blood results, my interpretation, what levels I was working to, how I arrived at that conclusion and why I had varied the dosage of some drugs based historical data, some of which went back 3 years before I started my medication. Example, my Potassium level has been increasing over the past 3 years without any drugs, well before I started medicating. I did not have this fact until 2 weeks ago until went through the historical data with my GP. Knowing this now allowed me to make a judgement call and reduce the level of one drug to lessen the overall risk. My potassium has never been outside the normal range, but it was appraching the top end of normal. Dr Timmings confirmed that this is exactly what he would have done in both approach and action. I think this just shows that specialist love detail!

How are you contacting them? Via email?


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Emily

Everything was done via email to the standard email address (genderclinic@nhft.nhs.uk) and replied to by Gian (pronounced Jan) Seamark, Gender Clinic Nurse Manager. He passed on my 2 page email, plus updates to Dr Timmings once he was back from paternity leave. That's what prompted the initial phone call. Don't attach anything to any emails you send as this gets stripped out automatically by their email system

Thank you so much Holly :-)


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Looking back through my posts I don't seem to have properly acknowledged Lisa's help so I want to make a point now of saying thank you Lisa for everything that you've done to help me.

I've now scanned the forms that I got from the clinic on Friday, one is the consent for Oestragen treatment and the other is about registering for laser hair removal and a list of approved places. If anyone reading this thread would like a pdf copy please send me a personal message.

Dr Timmings also reccomended a support website, which has never come up on any of my Google searches and said that the section 'Knowledge is Power' is particularly useful: http://genderedintelligence.co.uk (http://genderedintelligence.co.uk)

Holly x

FRUSTRATION!

I finally got round to calling SKN this morning for a consultation about laser hair removal. They told me that they wouldn't even see me without confirmation from the NHS that my treatment would be paid for. The guidelines I got from Dr Timmings basically say that you have a consultation first, then the provider comes up with a treatment cost and emails the quote to NHS England, where they wait for funding confirmation before treament starts.

Why persist with SKN? Reccomendations from two of my trans friends about how your treated, looked after during treatment and after care support. The fact that SKN run promotions of up to 40% off (when they had extra stuff done under private bookings) had nothing to do with their judgement!

Emailed Dr Timmings and just waiting for a reply. Let you know when I hear back.

Holly x

That sounds rather frustrating Holly, a bit of a catch 22.  I need to go through the same process to start electrolysis but i think i will probably self fund a session or two the be sure i am happy with the practitioner before asking the NHS for funding, My theory being its going to be hard enough to set up so I don't want to change it if I don't get on with the person doing it.  Now thinking it may also help if i am already a patient, it may make them more interested in keeping me by doing the NHS bit.   But then at the rate I am moving on setting something up I may be at the end of my enforced laser hiatus anyway and may just get another round or two of light beams.

Glad you got the HRT without the name change, i'm in the same boat as you, i need some of their effects before i can go full time.  Yeah i just did three weeks but the make-up was still more than i hope to need in the long run and the stewardess on our flight home made it clear i haven't reached male fail from the front yet as she quickly backtracked from hello ladies when she saw me from the front!  Was super nice the rest of the flight though even if she did keep reinforcing Sir and MR ....If only i had just a tiny bit more courage to fly pretty, maybe next time!

Oh and sorry for not posting sooner in response to your special acknowledgement, can I claim jet lag?  But don't worry about it, we're all in this together and all sharing valuable info.  What to expect in the physical and that you didn't need name change for HRT has been super reassuring to me, thanks

Hi everyone,

Another milestone reached today. Had my appointment with my GP this morning to discuss my meds. He printed out a letter from the clinic where Dr Timmings discusses my medication. It shows very clearly that my GP got very confused quoting my dosage with what effect it had on my horemone levels, again not understanding. Dr Timmings politely pointed out to the GP that in order to get those results from my blood I couldn't posibly have been taking that particular dosage. Anyway, it came down to my GP asking me what he should prescribe for me, at what dosage and for how long. I told him that funding for my injections had to be secured from NHS England and that the clinic estimated around 6 weeks. He then printed out a 3 month prescription. He asked me if I needed anything else and I told him that I would need a 10 band ECG every 6 months starting this month and the rseults sent to the clinic, so back to the surgery on Monday morning for this.

I then went to visit a friend of mine in Coventry I hadn't seen for a long time, but had been keeping up to date with me on Facebook and told face to face that I am transitioning. She didn't flinch and told me that one of her dance students, who is now 11, is also transgender. Fortunately her birth name is Charlie so that'll make things a bit easier. Big hugs then followed, which I seem to be getting everywhere now and I'm enjoying every one of them!

On the way home I when to the chemist with my prescription. The GP told me to speak directly to the pharmacist in a private room away from the other staff, so when I arrived I asked for the pharmacist and spoke to her in front of  the staff and showed her the letter my GP had given me earlier, which she read every word. I told her that I didn't care if the staff knew but she told me that 'they don't need to know' and dealt with me personally.

As you've probably guessed I'm done with hiding who I am.

Holly x

Good for you Holly! Thanks for the update :-) so happy that you've worked your way around the beautocracy! I'm getting my blood tests done today by my GP, and I've got a letter from the GIC requesting it which should make thing s easier!


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Must be vampire week.  Had my three month blood test on Tuesday.   It does seem to bemuse GP's when the patient comes in knowing what they want and telling the GP what to do! At least so far all the ones i have seen have gone along with it (to a point) Having said that they are taking extreme measures to avoid me,  one is on maternity and the other is retiring, so I have to break in another GP!

My GP was super awesome and said they would prescribe me bridging hormones if I got the GIC to approve it :-)


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4 weeks on and I'm still no further forward with the laser treatment. I emailed the GIC, which replied a few days later and their reply went to SKN. So far nothing. I should have made a bit more effort to get SKN to reply but I got side-tracked with the corporate roller coaster ride I found myself on in the last few weeks, starting with going on the Pride in London march, which lead to joining the company's Diversity & Inclusion community, which then lead on to monthly trans inclusion meetings, which then lead to me getting involved in shaping the next revision of the trans HR guidelines for managers; and last week I put in my first public appearance by name as Holly (just below 3rd full picture):

blog.uk.fujitsu.com/responsible-business/pride-in-london-2016-solidarity-empowerment-and-inspiration

Even on the group photo I ended up being pushed to the front when I tried to hide. Is there some sort of conspiracy going on to always keeping me visible?

Anyway, I'll soon be starting my monthly injections so it'll be goodbye Finasteride and hopefully goodbye to the constant tiredness it causes me.

Holly x

Wow, sounds like you had a really good experience at pride and getting involved in trans policy at such a company is excellent.

It's great to hear that things are going well for you at work Holly! I came out to my HR manager a couple of weeks back and he was so great about everything. It's nice to see we are all making steps in the right direction :-)

I've had some blood tests too which went well, although my T is a little higher than I'd like (5.4) and my estrogen is also a bit high (450).

I change my name by deed poll in a couple of weeks which is super exciting too! I almost can't believe this is actually happening :-)

I've been looking at flats recently and called up an estate agents yesterday. Without any prompting she asked me if I was Miss, Mrs or Ms. Safe to say I was fist punching and incredibly happy!


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Had the nurse take another vial of blood today to see how my T is doing,  Dr W upped my E a couple of weeks ago as my T was still at 7.6 nmol/L and E at 293 pmol/L so with an extra 1/2 a booby badge stuck to my butt (hope that's ok with the dosage rules) I'm keen to see what effect its having or if I need to push for AA's

But the big news is I'm officially Lisa now.  Well that's what the bit of paper says anyway.  Cant really believe i have done it,  For so long I felt I wasn't ready and didn't need to do it yet, but its been cutting me up worrying about doing it and what NH may say if I hadn't, plus there was outing myself officially to the neighbours, as getting on with life waiting to be caught hasn't worked so far.  So today i bit the bullet and went over for a chat and took my deed poll with me, they were overwhelmingly supportive and honoured that I asked them to be part of such a significant moment. 

So now onto planning who I want/need to tell and in what order,  I guess there is no best way and something is bound to hit a wall or screw up somewhere when i think about all the interconnections with banks, credit reference agencies etc, so i guess i better start a list and work out who depends on who.

But yay I'm Lisa now

Quote from: byanyothername on August 09, 2016, 04:58:28 AM

I've been looking at flats recently and called up an estate agents yesterday. Without any prompting she asked me if I was Miss, Mrs or Ms. Safe to say I was fist punching and incredibly happy!

I guess that voice training's going well then, well done. That's the other thing I feel terrible about as i haven't done anything in that respect beyond watching some YouTube and feeling awkward to try anything.

Hi & Well done to both of you. Really pleased that it is going so well. I've not had another blood test since the GIC told me to drop the spiro and reduce the Finasteride so I have no idea what my levels are but I do have a funny feeling that my T has gone up a little.

Like you Lisa, I've done very little with my voice training, even though I have the EVA app - just can't find anywhere I can practice on my own in private. I really need to start doning something soon because I do have a very deep voice. All I've managed so far is singing along to my music in the car on the way to work. Love the Chvrches and it's great to sing along with Lauren at her pitch.

I changed my name on Facebook to get people used to my new name but it's confusing my friends as to what to call me now. I told them to call me by the name that they feel comfortable with and that they would change in time because they just see my new name all the time and when I've changed enough their brain would just switch. I kept my old name as a nickname because some friends were having to go to my profile to look up who I was!

At work we're also dealing with how HR handles name changes and how managers should handle transgender employees. Did you know that if a place of work doesn't or won't update their records they are breaking the law under the can be prosecuted under a variety of acts including data protection and gender equality?

Love to both of you (and anyone else reading this thread).

Holly x

Yay for us all! I had my 30th birthday party on Saturday. I completed my Deed Poll about an hour before my party. I'm now officially Emily Rose Coates! So happy :-D

Party was amazing and I got lots of compliments on my dress and figure :-D

I turn 30 on Wednesday and have lots of very girly looking presents sat next to me ready to be opened. Everybody was great with using my new name, including my Dad which is great. He is a photographer and during one of his model shoots he put together a composition with my transition in mind.

Like you Lisa I'm just overwhelmed at the moment. I can't believe this is all happening.


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Oh and for voice training what I did mostly was to practice in my car by reading license plates, signs and suchlike out loud. I also recorded myself reading newspaper articles so I could hear what sounded right and what didn't. I found that very useful. Unfortunately I still have to be David at work until November 1st (my own choice) so it's going to be a weird few months as I don't present male out of work at all anymore.


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Happy Birthday Emily, hope those pressies were as girly as you hoped for.


For me though its been a long day, up at 6 to get ready for the rush hour slog up the M1,  Yep 2nd appointment day.

I wasn't sure what to expect from a second appointment this time with Dr Khoosal, but i don't think that was it.  Quite a quick appointment, ran through a few points from my previous chat with Dr Timmins, not really any probing of my noggin, more just a progress report and a little about me.  Passed over my deed poll and some supporting docs where i had changed my name, he went off to get a copy made of those.  Then it was the consent form which i signed there and then and finally a chat about voice where he said he would write to my GP to get a referral to somewhere local for some help. All said and done I was out and sitting back on those Hard sloping chairs in 20 mins.

Well I was back in the waiting area as I also had my physical with Dr Timmins afterwards.  That was pretty much as Holly described so it was nice to know what to expect, thanks Holly.  He seemed to think I was feminising well and said my boobies are Tanner 3 already.  We discussed the HRT I was on and he will pretty much keep it as it is because its working but with the addition of the GnRH to kill off my T properly.  He even went through the whole injection process so that I would know what to expect but I think it was more likely so I know if they are doing it right.

So now it's back to waiting for the letters and try and mobilise my GP.

Hello, just seen your thread, wow all these lovely people also at Daventry.
  Yep I am another Dav' girl.  I've had my first 2 appointments and medical there so far. 

Could any of you give me a list of the Blood work requirements, I got told off because I hadn't given them before this latest appointment.

Hi Laura Ann

Welcome to our little club.

I haven't seen any definitive requirements or guidelines from Daventry and the test results i have taken to them have been as a result of my treatment via Dr Webberley.  But Dr Timmins has been quite happy with what I have given him so far which has been a combination of what Dr Webberley asked for and what I added in from various GIC prescribing guidelines (linked below)

But for my three month review I just asked my GP for Devon GIC's list of tests which were.

Estradiol, Testosterone, prolactin, FSH, LH, Liver Function, Full Blood Count and a fasting glucose and lipid profile.  plus Blood Pressure

For my first set I also had Kidney function, PSA, Hight, Weight and BMI, and the HbA1c instead of the fasting glucose.

Its a lot of vials you need to fill (4-5) so be prepared for a vampire encounter.  Dr Timmins also asked for a 12 lead ECG in my first appointment and letter to my GP so I also had that done and took the results to my second appointment and medical check.

Links to guides

CHX   http://uktrans.info/attachments/article/447/HRT-info-for-Trans-Women.pdf
Devon http://uktrans.info/attachments/article/332/PG12-GenderDysphoriav20.pdf
Tyne  http://www.northoftyneapc.nhs.uk/wp-content/uploads/sites/6/2012/03/Gender-Dysphoria-Feminising-Hormones-November-2014.pdf
RCP http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/files/pdfversion/CR181_Nov15.pdf

Lisa, thank you. Will have a good read of the links.

Having the medical there was an interesting experience  :o

  Next appointment which I think will be October will be my third. I can wait, wish they were closer together.

Congratulations Emily on your name change and happy birthday. Welcome Laura-Ann.

I'm considering legally changing my name In January, about a year before going full time, to give my friends, family and work colleagues time to to get used to it and hopefully avoid any slip-ups when I finally do present as female. I now things delivered at work addressed to Holly and I've removed my old name from Facebook. Sadly though the outside world still calls me Mr or Sir, so there's still a very long way to go.

Everyone stay well and I'll be back with more when my T blocking injections start next week.

Holly x

Hi Holly

Scary how Facebook works as you popped up in my suggested friends list I was looking through today, so i shot you over a request.  Cant quite decide how to handle FB, His account has loads of ex work colleagues who i don't want to cast adrift but equally its not really necessary for them to know.  Mind you there is a good chance you may know some of them too...... But my account under Lisa is a bit lacking on freinds

Good luck with the injection.  Be interesting to know how it goes as its something that worries me a little bit and Ive not seen any account of what its like.  Did you get the walk-through from Dr Timmins?  He showed me the procedure with one of the special syringes it uses so that i would know if they are doing it wrong.  Not sure how successful i'd be telling them how to do their job though, but the highlights were

Make sure they don't over plunge when they mix the two components as then you loose some out the needle.
Then make sure they shake it well to mix or it will be grainy.
Lastly get them to inject it intramuscular rather than into a fatty bit as it retains the medication better, leaking of the liquid afterwards is not good.

I think that's assuming its prostap

Hi Lisa,

I completely understand your reluctance with Facebook, especially if you need to separate work from your personal life. My way of dealing with things, by making everything public, is not for everyone and it's probably only worked for me because of the wonderful support that I have got from my partner, family, friends and work colleagues. Here's a brief look at my timeline:

When I started my journey on the second week of January this year I had only told my partner & GP, but because I was doing so badly at work, facing the first stages of dismissal, I was forced to tell my line manager, but I made it clear to her that she must not tell ANYONE. This bought me some time by forcing her to put me through the occupational health route.

March, I made contact by email with two trans colleagues, who were both enormously encouraging. As time went on I found the secrecy was suffocating me because the person inside was screaming to come out but I could do nothing because of the way I looked, so I decided to chip away my old self a little at a time and started to drop hints on what was to come. I removed my photo from Facebook and replaced it with a group of Transformers, which became Chromia, with TRANS FORMER in very large letters a few days later.

April, I allowed my line manager to involve HR and changed the lock screen of my work laptop to Chromia, so everyone in the office would see.

May, I had met Charlotte who had just returned from GRS, and spoke to her for 3 hours. She persuaded my to take part in Pride in London as she said it would boost my confidence and told me that the support friends makes a big difference, so shortly afterwards I then told some of my friends and work colleagues I was transitioning. This was really the point where everything started to open up.

June, I took part in Pride in London march and was introduced to some senior company managers and representatives from the company's LGBT+ community.

July, some of us who went on the London march were interviewed by a media company connected to Pride and some of my comments appeared on the company's global blog. I also joined the company's LGBT+ portal and was invited to take part in shaping the company's trans HR policy.

18th July, I told my work colleagues in a team meeting, but as they had pretty much worked things out for themselves it came as no surprise. The area manager only said one word, 'cool!'.

1st August, I officially told my 155 Facebook friends and changed my displayed name and gender. The support was overwhelming. A week later I replaced Chromia with my Holly avatar against the trans flag and 2 weeks later removed my old name completely. My work lock screen also changed to my avatar.

I suppose what I tried to do was get everyone used to the idea of something happening, rather than just a sudden announcement. Many still hadn't worked out what was changing right up to the last minute but at least they were all prepared for 'something'. When they did know many told me that they weren't supprised, even though they had never thought of me that way in the past, so my 'preparation plan' seems to have worked and I've gained 5 new friends.

Thanks for the insight about the injections. In the letter both me and my GP received from Dr Timmings there was no mention as to how to prepare or administer these injections, so I'll take these details with me when I see my GP next week.

Holly x

LOL, Facebook.  I came out on there in one mega post, and changed my name and marker.  I was so happy when I got my first appointment letter for Daventry that I just got so excited that my life was changing for the good, I just posted a picture of part of my letter and all the feelings along with it, and the fact that I was transitioning. 

I didn't think who would be able to see it, so did cause a few hard questions.   BUT, I haven't lost friends, and some that I did then worry about have be so nice, having private messages from them offering me support.

Look me up if you like, not to hard to find, Laura-Ann Caryl Peters


  Who did you girls ask to sign your name change letters?  I'm not sure who's best to ask.

Hi Laura-Ann,

You're right, you weren't difficult to find on Facebook. What's really spooky is that everyone I'm getting to know lives really close to me so I suppose that it's only a matter of time before I bump into somebody who knew me before!

I thought about going down the agency route to change my name. It's more expensive but it seems to quicker, involve less people and doesn't need former and new name from being made public. Still plenty of time yet.

Holly x

On the name change, I just got two close friends to sign it. It's also worth pointing out that you do not need to enroll your deed poll. The Passport Office and other governmental departments do not require this to be done as proof of name change, so all those agencies are making money out of nothing.

I used a free website to generate my deed poll (just google "free deed poll"), and then printed 4 copies onto thick 180gsm paper and got them all completed at the same time. This is also perfectly legal.

When you send your change of name and deed poll to the Passport Office, you can also request a change of gender on your passport, and there are no special requirements for changing your gender marker on your passport.

Hope this helps!


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Just received my first 'official' appointment with Dr Khoosal on 21st December. It's taken just over 11 months! The brief letter tells me that I can bring someone with me if I want to so it sounds like it's the initial mind-probing appointment that all you went through and is the one I wanted to avoid. As you may remember previously, Dr Timmings told me that the 'noise' in my head that I used to get before I started medicating was a form of schizophrenia and now that it's gone neither myself or I want it to come back!

I also had my echocardiogram this morning, ordered by Dr Timmings, because he could't hear some of my heart valves during my physical examination. Colleagues at work said I don't have a heart and am just one of the walking dead. I told them if that's the case I'll being going hungry because there's certainly a lack of brains around the place!

Laura Ann I did the free deed poll too.  Added in the wording to change my title from Mr to Miss as well, although its not necessary as titles have no standing anyway unless they are protected ones, but I thought it might make it easier to get that changed over too. 

and likewise I printed 4 and signed and witnessed them all at the same time (printed 5 but the 5th one came out a mess!!), for witnesses I decided to have that chat to one of my neighbours as 10 months of expecting to get caught and commented to hadn't happened yet!. Turns out nobody had noticed but the news soon shot around the neighbourhood. 

So far i have only had a little pushback from three mobile phone when using my deed poll as they said it needed to be signed by a solicitor or court,  Challenged them on what grounds they were requiring such and eventually got handed over to a supervisor who caved in immediately.  Electoral register didn't even ask for the deed poll!

A little addition to Emilys advice on passports, they have just last month introduced a new requirement for supporting name changes via deed poll and you may need to include supporting evidence of use, its all detailed in this doc and not mentioned in the guide for trans people

Guide on names
https://www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/548220/Annex_A_passports_August_2016.pdf

Guide for trans people
https://www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/251703/Applying_for_a_passport_additional_information.PDF


Holly,  seems weird they are saying its a first appointment,  Did you already get your letter from Dr Timmins with your diagnosis, I'm guessing so as you have the recommendation for HRT, so if its a second opinion appointment then if its anything like mine, your head will spin, not from the probing but from the speed your in and out.  It really wasn't any more than a follow up and cross check of what had already been talked about with Dr Timmins. But he had read my file thoroughly and started off asking about freezing my stuff and IVF as Dr Timmins was insistent I strongly considered it in my 1'st appointment, so fortunately I just had to say "All done" and that was that.  So Just keep her quiet for a few mins and you will be fine I'm sure.

Emily, wow to the new profile pic, those little pills are working on you girl.  your face is really feminising well.

Awww thanks! That makes me feel good, I just wish the damn hair removal process was quicker!

Thanks for the Passport info too, looks like a bank statement is sufficient which is good :-)


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Another frustrating visit to the doctor!
About 3 weeks ago my GP called to ask me to book an appointment with him for my GnRH injection (leuprorelin acetate - mods, you can't buy this!) but unfortunately my legs and feet had ballooned and I ended up down at the hospital with suspected DVT. He asked me again whether I wanted to still go ahead and I told him it was better to sort out the swelling first so that we don't introduce something new into the picture which may affect the results of the investigation. It turned out to be water retention and I was given a course of water tablets and told to reduce my salt intake.

Three weeks later I managed to get an appointment for my injection and was told this morning to collect it from my local chemist. The pharmacist told me that because this type of injection was so rare they don't carry it in stock and would have to order it in, which could take 2 or 3 days. I asked them to do this. I went for my appointment and quizzed the doctor about my injection. He immediately grabbed for his medical journal, found the drug, but it didn't tell him how to administer it. I then slowly pushed a peice of paper containing words of wisdon from Lisa towards him. He the agreed to let the resident nurse handle it, except that she was away until next week! I have now booked an appointment for next Tuesday. I also got my latest bloodwork and was alarmed to see that my T has shot up from 0.3 to 6! So much for being told by Dr Timmings that my Oestrogen level had shut down my T production! I felt something wasn't right shortly after my medication was changed but followed what I had been told to do. I'm now splitting the T blocker and taking half twice a day instead of one a day as I know the blocking effect lasts around 8 hours, so hopefully that will sort things out.

I do want to finish on a positive note....
Being the shy and retireing type I am helping with stage management for a production of "One Man, Two Guvnors" (the play that gave James Cordon his break) at my local theatre. Before starting anything, I was introduced to the entire cast and crew as Holly. A few puzzled expressions but only from a those who knew me from before under a different name.

I have also taken on the Aspire Channel Swim 2016, swimming the distance of the Channel over 12 weeks to raise money for spinal cord injured people. I'll be making a new forum post about this but if anyone would like to check my progress or contribute you can find me here: http://www.aspirechannelswim.co.uk/user/u/10070 (http://www.aspirechannelswim.co.uk/user/u/10070)

Holly x

My limited understanding of leupro is that it causes a huge T spike for 1-2 weeks before it crashes, then stays that way for as long as you keep having injections.

Quote from: Holly2016 on September 06, 2016, 07:08:13 AM
I then slowly pushed a peice of paper containing words of wisdon from Lisa towards him. He the agreed to let the resident nurse handle it,

:o  I feel I need to add a disclaimer now and in the voice-over at the end of Brooklyn  nine-nine "not a doctor" lol

I'm sure there are variations but here is a university of youtube video of preparing a prostap injection which pretty much was what Dr Timmins was showing me,  There is a little passage on the side of the syringe where the liquid flows between the chambers when you push the plunger, The middle bung moves forward until the passage is open, then the rear bung pushes the liquid through until it meets the middle bung and then they both go to the blue line and close off the passage again, then you mix it to make sure all the graininess is gone.

The only other thing with the video is she is doing it subcutaneous in the belly and Dr T said intramuscular as it holds better so probably in the leg or arm.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4TsgcSqvBUw

Warning not for the squeamish if you watch to the end as she does the injection on herself (i didn't watch that bit and covered the screen lol) and it all looks a bit scary!!!

Sorry to hear about the feet though and it putting a delay on, you should have told him to give you some spironolactone, that would get you pissing out all that retained water sharpish and solve the need to cut down on salt.

T levels may have been high if you had the draw in the morning vs afternoon as they drop throughout the day, and yeah prostap will probably give you a higher spike for a few weeks as well due to the way it works.

Oh injections, if I end up going that way I will find a friendly nurse who can do it for me, I'd probably pass out before even getting it in. lol

I finally got my injection on Thursday. I was apprehensive, especially about about the 2 inch long neadle, thinking this was going to hurt as it was going into muscle. I had a coffee with a frind a couple of weeks ago and she peeled of her plaster and showed me the 'hole' that this neadle had made on the lower half of her chest and described how how painful it had been, how some of the injection had come out again and how the wound it had bled. So with this in mind I was more than a little nervous. Fortunately my nurse is very experienced with intramuscular injections. She knew how to properly prepare it, taking care everyhing was well mixed, told me to bend over, and spiked me in the bum. No pain, no blood and no plaster! I could feel where the neadle had been for a few hours afterwards but nothing bad. Four days later and I've had no side-effects at all.


In June I approached SK:N Birmingham about facial hair removal and they were NOT friendly and NOT helpful, even refusing to have a consultation with me until the NHS had agreed to blindly fund everything BEFORE they were prepared to make a treatment quote. The 'senior' consultant I spoke to didn't seem to care what guidelines the NHS had laid down for funding partners, that SK:N nationally had agreed to, and just wanted things done their way. The GIC even emailed SK:N with a copy of the guidelines, but that was just ignored and they never replied.

On 13th Sepetember I went over for a consultation about facial hair removal with Penny Turver (http://hairremovalspecialist.co.uk (http://hairremovalspecialist.co.uk)), having emailed her a few days before, and she was a complete contrast to SK:N. She was friendly, listened to what I had to say, looked at my skin and talked about what treatments she could offer. She even made me a very nice cup of tea! Her business is at her home in Solihull and I felt very comfortable there. Yesterday (25th) she emailed me to say that my NHS funding had been approved and was able to offer me 2 IPL sessions and 8 x 1 hour electrolysis sessions. I've made some progress on my face with my own home IPL gun, which is probably why I'm only down for 2 IPL sessions so she can concentrate on my lighter hairs. My first treatment is next Saturday and I'll let you all know how I get on.

Yeah go team holly.  Glad the injection wasn't as bad as feared, I'm still bricking it though, hope i get a nurse as experienced, but I've still got to get my GP to prescribe it first so fingers crossed they wont give me any grief.

Hope everything goes well for the hair removal and everting else you've got going on.

hi everyone, I'm Alexa, I'm still waiting to hear about a first appointment at Daventry got my letter in may and been placed on the waiting list, it would be nice to make some friends, however I'm still very new to this site so everything still new here.

good luck everyone :)

Alexa

Hi Alexa,

Welcome on-board. You are in for a really wild and exciting ride!
I've read through your posts and I can understand what it's like to have your mind jumping all over the place. I was anxiious, frustrated and apparently suffered from schizophrenia (diagnosed by Dr Timmings) which was with me from the minute I woke up until the minute I went to bed. For me, HRT was my salvation. After 1 week my schizophrenia completely disappeared and, as my T levels dropped, I became very calm and was able start thinking clearly for the very first time. Hopefully the same will happen to you.

Confusion over your sexual orientation is simply because you don't know who you are at the moment, but as you discover yourself this will sort itself out. Dr Timmings went through sexual preference with me and, while he said that the hormones themselves would not change who I am attracted to, but that my 'optons' would increase. In his experience, curiosity after transitioning often lead to encounters and relationships that would have been impossible before. I personally DO believe that HRT may affect sexual preference as the oestragen is certainly changing the way I think and feel. While I am only attracted to women now, I have to accept that in the future my 'female brain' may have other ideas. I don't think HRT will force you one way or the other (or bi), it will simply allow you to accept what is and be comfortable with yourself.

It's always good to talk to someone about your feelings, hopes and fears. I drew great strength from my partner and friends knowing that I could be completely honest with them. Getting involved with my company's Diversity & Inclusion and Transgender community also helped me meet and understand people from across the whole LGBT spectum and I played a part creating the company's national managers and HR guides for dealing with transgender employees. For me, work, friends and social media have been my 'support network', a vital lifeline, and I'm glad that you have chosen us to be part life.

You can always send me a personal message.

Holly x

thank you holly, I'm glad you are feeling better within yourself, I've already been diagnosed with anxiety and PTSD due to holding my self back all theses year, rather that letting my true self out. i don't know if anxiety gets better or worse but I've been told to treat it before my HRT by different people others have said that it may get better, i went to my local gym today to start a membership as i think this may keep my mind occupied to continue quiting smoking and also help my PTSD plus keep myself fit as well, i hope everything goes well for you, i'm not sure how to private message as when i click on any account apart from my own it says i'm not able to view it or anything.

Alexa x

Hey Alexa :-)

Welcome to the Northants clan! Anxiety is a bitch and something we all struggle with, but some more than others. I'd be more than happy to have a chat online or meet up for tea/coffee/cake. The road ahead is often less complicated than you might think :-)


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Oh you need to have 15 posts to use PM I believe :-)


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thank you, 'byanyothername' I'd be more than happy to meet up sometime for a coffee/tea I'm not too far from Northampton its self without giving too many details out as i know to be careful online i have a FB account if this makes it easier to message, i find my anxiety to be another issue preventing me from socially transitioning, not to mention i feel as though i'm a passenger in my male body that sounds very strange i know but thats how i feel on a day to day basis, being in fear of how others my perceive me, which i know is silly but i find myself a worry box in other situations in my life, however so far joining this forum has help me not to feel so alone and has enabled me to express my feelings and thoughts i have spent a long time suppressing, i don't have many friends around here and that's mainly because i feel that they may figure out everything without me telling them in my own time, hear says horrible and i've been a victim of it once before. anyway wishing you all the best and thank you for the welcome message. https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100012133110382


Alexa

Hi Alexa,

Sorry a bit late with the welcome mat, but welcome anyway.   Reading your above post and I had a poke around your other posts too and I see a lot of how i felt/feel in there.  Its surprising how we can move forward though just by little steps at a time and then look back in amazement at what we have achieved.

Yesterday I was anxious about going to the GP today as I felt i should/wanted to go as Lisa but didn't think I would be up to sitting there in the waiting room and then they would call me in by <dead name> I resigned myself to going as him.  This morning I woke up and thought WTH and painted my nails, did my make-up and got dressed, time ticked away until too late to change back now, so off I went.  Sat there with butterflies on how the call in would go, and yep <dead name> followed by Wow "I didn't recognise you" end result I got my bits of paper for my NHS E and Prostap and a note on my file to call me in as Lisa.

Likewise a few months ago I was so wound up about telling my first neighbour I burst into tears as they fully accepted me,  This past Sunday I casually brought my transition up with one of my other neighbours who had heard the jungle drums but I hadn't spoken to yet and it was almost a nonchalant as discussing the weather.  All of it absolutely unthinkable not very long ago, and many of those steps forward have seemed huge and too much right up until the deep breath and foot forward moment and now they are just little everyday steps of normal life.

I also found all those things I would dwell on and over think, E and the way I have grown and adapted mentally as I have taken steps forward have had a way of changing my perspective massively.  I cant really recall ever having such a shift in the way I look at the world and how I feel about things than since I started this journey.  A lot of things I stressed about and spent so long figuring out really don't matter to me any more, and things I used to think were unimportant now seem critical.  Its hard to explain but things I though in the past, even things I wrote down for my counselling earlier this year, I look back at now and don't really recognise them as my thoughts.

And on that note with your posts on sexuality,  I detect a concern you may turn out liking Guys, I can see how it may bother someone who hasn't before and has always had an eye for the female form.  But if you do end up liking guys I bet you it will be something where your outlook will naturally shift to accommodate such that it wont be a big deal any more, after all if you end up liking guys then it will be because you enjoy liking them.  Just keep an open mind and let it adapt as it wants to.

thank you for your prospective and also sharing some of you're own experiences Lisa, really.. it helps me to understand that theses are not alone feelings, when i first approached my GP, i went in male mode but still has very slight changes that i felt comfortable to go out in society as, without feeling that fear of rejection or more of 'everyone looking at me and pointing' kind of situation, i told my GP how i felt and anticipated how i would explain it without first completely breaking down as i felt i would do this. i didn't breakdown but came close to it. in regards to my sexuality, at this time i couldn't picture being with another guy but the root of that problem may be that my outside self reflects a totally different person to who is inside of me which is why i often feel a passenger that being said i can adapt to changes, i've spent a lot of my life adapting to change some being exciting others not so, without saying too much i was involved in care from the age of 4 till i was 18 which put a massive block on my inner gender and personality, i found it difficult as a result of this as lots of safe guarding and risk assessments are involved in care for the protection of there young people so social transition in this kind of place would be deemed inappropriate, granted care also helped me get the right help as they have to be seen to be doing there job properly. i know i have gone on abit and thank you for your comments oh and thank you for the facebook add.

all the best

Alexa :)

All is not rosy with Team Holly, but I'll get to that in a minute. First my experience with professional IPL.

Before we got started I handed Penny a treatment card that I had completed earlier. This contained questions such as current medication, asking whether I have, or had a list of skin problems, moles, pigments, etc. There was also a scale as to how easily I tanned or burnt in the sun and this, together with skin colour and facial hair thickness & colour, was the baseline for the IPL machine. She went through what she was going to do before laying me down me down on the couch and handing me some goggles. She then put some cooling gel on my face, which I think was Alo Vera, and went to work with the 'gun'. I was warned that I may feel a little discomfort, but the reality was like being shot in the face nail gun full of pins! Yes, it hurt. Penny kept asking me if I was OK (seeing me flinching all the time) and whether I wanted the level reducing. I told her to cary on as the pain meant that more hair roots would get killed, so less hair would grow back -  she didn't disagree with me! She moved to serveral areas around my face, chin and neck and after 15 minutes it was all over (I think that this was a patch test rather than the first full treatment). I was then given a tube of Alo Vera gel to use on my face if it became hot, irritated or dry and booked me in for my next session in 4 weeks time. She told me that IPL could only be done every 4 weeks, but I could start my electrolysis in the meantime, so I'll probably be alternating between the two every 2 weeks.

On the way home my face was a little warm so I was glad of the gel because it was soothing, especially as I couldn't use any moistureiser, creams or oils after I shaved before treatment. Next day I was back using my moistureiser, creams and oils and my skin hasn't reacted at all.

Now we get to some problems that I have been having over the past couple of months. When I was taken off my own medicine and given a bridging prescription I was told by Dr Timmings that the Estradiol in my system would suppress my T, that I did not need spiro and only a lower dose of Fin. WRONG! Within a couple of weeks I felt a little strange and slightly agitated. Two weeks after that I was also a little anxious, regular mild headaches. my scalp became itchy and I noticed that I was shedding a lot more hair. When it came to my blood test, the results confirmed what I had suspected, my T was 20x higher and just below the lowest 'male' value. I did nothing because my injection was due in a few days. Two weeks later I finally had my injection and my physical health was starting to deteriorate. I caught a virus, got laryngitis and wasn't able to swim or get to the gym. My voice still hasn't recovered fully but the virus has left it me with a lower pitch and wiped out 7 months of voice training. As you all know leuprolide acetate takes time to work and you get a T spike in the first month. Unfortunately as my T level increases my mental health deteriorates and at the weekend the first signs of my schizophrenia reappeared. I now tired all the time, slightly confused, no concentration and my head feels like it's in a vice. My weight has also started to go up - it's like going back into the dark shadows of the past before my overdose. I've emailed the GIC but had no response yet so I've gone back onto what's left of my own medication, which will only last a week. I never expected T poisioning to have such a big effect on me at this stage.

Holly x

With all the stuff with my medication last week, by Thursday I was pretty despondent. In the morning I went swimming and a nice elderly couple cheerfully said "Good morning young man" (they could only see my head above the water), so my mind is spinning round with negative thoughts about how, after 9 months of medication, I still looked the same. That was, until 2.30pm when something quite unexpected happened. I dressed in semi-boy mode with a ponytail and went off to work.

Where I work is split into 3 separate areas, each connected by a long corridor with separate toilets, so the room containing the teams that you work with don't really mix with the other two sections. On this particular day the toilets in my section were being cleaned, so I went to another area where I don't really know anyone. I walked into the male toilets and there were 5 guys in front of me, four facing the washbasins one facing towards me. He looked me up and down and slowly curved his elbow and gestured in a sideways pointing motion before quietly saying 'Ladies toilets next door". I couldn't stop the smile on my face as I entered the nearest cubicle and that smile lasted all day. I think you could call it positive misgendering!

Today (Sunday) I went with my partner to a charity shop at a recycling centre. Again, I dressed pretty conservatively, everyone there is friendly enough but the volunteer staff are all no-nonsense, hard grafters who say exactly what they think. I noticed a few of them looking at me briefly as I entered before they carried on with what they were doing. As we browsed, me and my partner heard a voice behind us "Excuse me ladies" and one of the staff moved past us to put something on one of the shelves.

At home I look in the mirror and still see the same male face, but maybe, finally, something is beginning to happen. The one thing I really can't hide now are the bobs, even with baggy T-shirts, so that may have something to do with what's starting to happen.

Positive misgendering twice in three days - bloody brilliant!

Holly x

Sorry we were not here for you last week Holly, I've been busy on vacation so haven't checked in here for a while until I saw your FB post.  Hang in there until things get better and the GnRH starts its good work rather than bad, on the plus side its doing something, they didn't give you the placebo.

Really not looking forward to the first few weeks of GnRH and the strongest AA I have is Finasteride.

BTW its not misgendering when they think your a woman!   Sounds like we are at about the same stage,  I started the week on cloud nine,  Picking up the rental car they asked us if dead-name was there to pick up the car and fell over themselves with apologies when i identified myself,  the same when we exited at the gate and the lady even asked me if I preferred female pronouns and then used miss from that point.  Had the same checking into a few hotels and felt myself relaxing into Lisa for a bit and just getting on with life and vacation rather than being on guard for being read.  Sadly as a week of intense driving passed and I got tired my confidence was knocked by a few looks and some bad service,  culminating in overhearing someone comment "where's Caitlyn" as I was walking around Boston and with my feet in tatters I ended up detransitioning to tackle the TSA and Flying to Florida, so that will have to be a milestone for another day.   On the flip side I was alert for those strange looks and misgenderings whist presenting sort of boy mode.  Well I'm pretty sure we got a couple of ladies and the cabin crew who was addressing everyone Sir or Ma'am had a "oh ->-bleeped-<-" look on their face when they got to me and just avoided using anything gendered.

Well a bit more rested and a day on the beach looking like <---- and some confidence is back.

Hi Lisa,

I know the term positive misgendering is not right but I didn't know any other way of describing it. I was in boy mode and dressed plainly, so I didn't think I was trying to present anything but male. Whatever you call it, I like it and want more of it! At work we're deciding on where we are going to have our Christmas party and at the moment we're looking at the NEC with their tribal themed night. But, there's a dress code; smart clothes only, no jeans, T-shirts or trainers. I told my work colleague organising the night that this would be a problem as I no longer have any trousers or shirts that fit. "Why don't you come dressed up?" he said, meaning full female mode. I do now have more female clothes than male clothes and I could put together an outfit with heels. I never expected to be at this stage by now, so December 7th? Maybe, just maybe.

I'm glad that you're enjoying your holiday but it does show how some people haven't progressed beyond the caveman mentality and I can really feel for you when you heard that spiteful comment. People don't understand that when they say something hurtful about our gender it has a far deeper impact than calling someone an idiot.

I got a call from Dr Timmings this morning at 9:40 and we discussed my situation. He looked at my blood work, said that my T was far too high and confirmed that the 20x increase was definitely responsible for me going out of my head as I had high levels of both sex hormones. He also said that it was possible that the injection may have spiked my T on top of the 20x T increase and agreed that I had taken the right course of action by going back on my 'own' medication. With everything that's been going on I lost track of when my second injection was due (turns out that it is next Thursday), so with it so close, Dr Timings wants me to stop my spiro and Fin by then, have my injection and send him the results of my next blood test, just before my third injection. He went onto say that my T level with the injection should be around 0.3 and certainly no higher than 1.5. and said that if I feel that I was having problems again and felt that I needed to continue on Spiro & Fin then he would support the decision and order my GP to give it to me if he won't prescribe it willingly.

Saturday I start my electrolysis and I'll let you know what happens.

My first electrolysis went OK on Saturday and was a lot less painful than my IPL. It felt like a pin-prick each time a hair got zapped and for a while it was fine, but after 30 minutes the area of my face that was being worked on got quite sensitive. I asked Penny to carry on the other side of my face for the rest of the session. Afterwards the areas she had worked on were a little red and still sensitive but felt very smooth. Unlike IPL, where it hurt a lot more while I was having it but nothing afterwards, electrolysis was the opposite and the redness and sensitivity has gone on for several days. The treatment areas also puffed-up a little but this is now going. So now I'm 1/8th completed and ready  for my next session on 1st November.

My Facebook friends may also have seen my post last week about my theatre staff ID card, where I am now Holly Fox.
As soon as I can sort out some free picture hosting I'll start going through my previous posts and add pictures.

Holly x

Hello!

I thought I'd post as I had my 2nd GIC appointment on Wednesday and got nothing but good news!

I met with Dr Timmins and the appt lasted about 2 hours. We talked at length about various things such as my self medication (he was curious to find out where I was buying my spiro) and my mental health history and general history of trans-ness. I also received a full physical (never had one before) and was declared to be fit and healthy :-)

I was surprised at this but he has given me my letter for NHS HRT and less surprisingly my Laser/electro letter. He is also going to put a letter in the post so that I can get the gender changed on my passport.

He is a very lovely doctor and really made me feel at ease. I have just gone full time and am so happy to have my official script for HRT, and I've been treating myself by getting lots of new clothes for work along with my ears and navel pierced!

One thing which may interest you is that HRT is no longer something which they have to wait to prescribe, it seems like Daventry operate a more sensible procedure of doing it when they feel it is right.

My favourite part of the appointment was when I walked into the consultation room and Dr Timmins said "well somebody has been on the estrogen haven't they?" Made my day that did.

After my appointment I went to see FacialTeam for a consultation in London which was great too. It's free and I highly recommend it for anybody thinking about FFS!

Emily x




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Hey Holly, hope your feeling a bit better by now, and Emily, great news on the second appointment and your handbag full of paperwork.

Not sure if i'm full time or not yet, but congrats to you.  I was full time on vacation with the exception of my flights.  I had to really wrestle with myself if I was going to try flying home or not.  I really wanted to but realistically I have another round of facial hair growth coming in, not as bad as it used to be a long way but still there.  So whilst I thought I could handle check in, TSA etc, I was less certain how i would look arriving in heathrow and having to wrestle the suitcases onto the bus to pick up the car 20 hours later.   So pragmatically I took the nail varnish off and didn't put on the make-up or worry about my voice.  In hindsight it was the right decision as by the time we got home we had negotiated with HERTZ who were over charging us, spent 40 mins sorting out the mess the self service check in kisok made to our bag tags.  Had a 1h40 flight delay sat on the aircraft.  10 minute connection sprint only to see our international flight push back three gates away and subsequent resolve how to get home,  possible lost bags due to the rebooking as the airline couldn't find them until 10 mins before we boarded, and the bit I had been worrying about had I done girl mode,  Got on the carpark bus at LHR, we were the only ones!

But the best bit was the TSA in Florida.   Well I say I de-transitioned for flying, what I wore was my skinny jeans woman's plaid shirt (and those boobies are starting to show!), pink trimmed trainers and hair down.
So I get to the TSA screening and she called me into the nudeo scanner and seemed a little less sure what she was doing than they usually do.  Asked me if I had anything in my pockets, then told me to put my hands up as they do.  Then more uncertainty as she asked again if I was sure there was nothing in my pockets, nope I said as I tried to steal a glance to see if she pushed the pink or blue button.  Scan done and she calls her male college over still flustered, seeming way less confident and self assured than TSA agents usually are.   I figured I was getting a pat down from the male agent.  But no I was called forward and taken to the pat down area where she checked my arm/wrist area.   Then the cracker, your free to go sir (doh) ma'am (yeah/WTF), so I don't know, is it important which order they fumble it out in?

We then spent 20 mins sitting in a restaurant just past security and I could see the same TSA handling the other passengers and back to the usual self assured TSA attitude!  I wonder now if the whole thing about the pockets was trying to figure out if the contents of my skinny jeans were my car keys/cell phone or the dreaded TSA "alarm" as they like to refer to our version of lady bits.

Anyway probably boring you by now, but full time or not is the question, well a big blocker for me had been my father who hadn't really spent any time with me as Lisa, well he came with us on vacation and was thrown in at the deep end. He did really well, is struggling with my name and pronouns as he uses my name way more than he thinks he does and is realising that now.  But he is really trying and he cares when he gets it wrong, so all good.  But getting him to this point breaks down a major barrier to full time.   But I am also thinking what is my full time.   I'm not putting on make-up if I don't leave the house, but i still consider that as Lisa, but even if I do go out without make-up, like my flight home, I'm still wearing clothes from the woman's department, and importantly I'm still me, maybe full time is just a shift in viewpoint that I need to make, and now my dad is up to speed that opens up a good chunk of my away from home time that I had been feeling boy mode for.   Maybe I'll just measure it on if I have to remove my nail varnish because its chipped or because I don't want it seen, IDK.

On the medical front,  I had a GP appointment just before I went away as my prescription letter from the GIC came through, So I have had my bit of paper for a while now, but wasn't about to take a prostrap shot just as I headed off on my hols. But I also setup some blood tests ready for when I got back (now) but the GP admin team seem to have missed that part and have been chasing me to make an appointment.  Well I spoke to them on Thursday after missing their call again and they asked if I could come in for my blood test that evening, err well I was going to get my prostrap at the same time I say.  no problem we can do that too, but I haven't filled the prescription, when else can you do it.  not for nearly three weeks was the answer.  Well my GP had already told me they tend to have a few prostrap's in the cupboard which they can use if the patients prescription has been "cashed"   So I spend the afternoon running around to get to the chemist, then we had planned to do the grocery shop and now I have an appointment. Busy..  Well the chemist didn't have prostrap in stock but could get it next day, no good for me but maybe now they will let me use one from the cupboard, so I keep my appointment, no joy, they only had the 3 month injection, so I only got my bloods taken, but as I was speaking directly to the nurse she was able to add me in as an extra appointment next Tuesday. so all being well I'll be on the roller-coaster of T starting next week.   Not sure I'm looking forward to it mind, especially in light of Holly's experience. 

Anyway I just hit preview and wow that's a wall of text, sorry, best add a photo or two from my travels.

One of the many covered bridges in Vermont,  I think I'm ok on the weight limit, but I'll stand on the pavement to be sure.

(https://c5.staticflickr.com/6/5498/29994251004_d2bd05f66a.jpg)

View into the clouds atop Mt Washington New Hampshire,  well at least it wasn't another record breaking wind speed day, not sure that skirt would stand up to 231 mph winds
(https://c8.staticflickr.com/6/5578/29992363023_5b48da4163.jpg)

A Lake on the Kancamagus Highway NH
(https://c7.staticflickr.com/6/5496/30590016246_9f29f05cbd.jpg)

some views in NH
(https://c2.staticflickr.com/6/5629/30538128881_69e20bc7d4.jpg)

(https://c4.staticflickr.com/6/5466/29992637203_c67f46ab63.jpg)

Get out of the road you silly tart
(https://c3.staticflickr.com/6/5513/30326368690_7004c6bff2.jpg)

Acadia National Park
(https://c5.staticflickr.com/6/5521/30326110020_bb734be7fc.jpg)

Photographer becomes the subject (again)
(https://c2.staticflickr.com/6/5721/30625941705_8ee7c36ba8.jpg)

Well done to both Emily & Lisa, I'm glad that it's going so well for you.

I'm very interested in FFS, as quite frankly, I need all the help I can get. I'll see if I can talk to someone about it when I go down on 21st December with my appointment with Dr Khoosal.

Lisa, my problems were caused by being taken off my own medication 2 months before my first injection. I ignored my body clearly telling something was wrong early on. My advice would be to go straight back onto your old medication if you don't feel right. 3 months on and my voice still hasn't recovered and shows no sign of doing so either. Great pictures from your holiday and I am so pleased that your father is trying so hard and wants to be part of your life. I have not seen either of my parents or brother for over 25 years but heard through another family member that my 'father' has now decided that I don't exist, was never even born and forbidden anyone from speaking my name (old or new), oh yes, I have also been removed from all wills as well.

I know the TSA was a big worry for you but it sounds more like they simply don't know how to react. Glad you had no problems.

I've now reached the point where I can't hide my boobs whatever I wear, so I just don't bother now. Black skinny jeans or jeggings, fitted t-shirt with my hair in a ponytail and pinned is where I'm at, whether I'm at work or out in public. I am not blessed with a feminine face and probably never will be but I need push ahead and get my confidence as I believe that the more uncomfortable you feel, the more unnatural you will act and the more likely you are to draw attention. So, boobs presented to the world I spent 4 nights as part of the stage crew and mixed with the public at the my local theatre filled with 250 people all pushing past me, all knowing me as Holly (because it was publicly announced) and no one paid any attention, except for the rather tall trans lady who looked me up and down and pretended not to be watching me while I was milling about.

I'm thinking about getting my ears pierced. Anyone had this done, or is thinking about it?

Holly x

Yeah Holly you got a double whamy from coming off your AA and the T spike.  I'm only on Fin as AA so maybe not so sever and I'll probably continue it while stocks last anyway.   I'm fairly sure i am quite sensitive to hormonal fluctuation at the moment, or possibly lack of sleep, not sure which is coming first.  I had a few swings into being quite tearful and feeling hopeless recently, interestingly I seem to go downhill gradually over a few days to a climax that seems to be just before a patch change, and then back to normal once changed.  So not sure if one bum cheek isn't working quite so well (i alternate where i put the patch) or if i have a few dodgy patches mixed into my stock or its a complete coincidence.

I'm really sorry about your father, you know what they say, you cant pick family, but it must still be hard to hear that on the grapevine.   

I think full time for me wont be a "next Thursday" thing, but rather one day i will look back and think well looks like i have been full time for a month or two without realising it.  Hell it may have already started lol.  Went out to fireworks tonight, very crowded but i felt real comfortable (OK so I had the cover of dark!)  Saw my first trans sister in the supermarket on Thursday too,  Tried not to stare honestly.... Barely even got a look at her, heard her voice mainly and her partner got a good look at me with a bit of a oh ->-bleeped-<- look on her face, but i just carried on to pick up my loaf of bread and moved on with a quiet comment to my partner that I wasn't alone.  Felt a bit bad not saying Hi but then not sure that's the etiquette thing to do (probably get a whack and told their CIS) I was in a rush anyway as i had that nurses appointment to get to.  Maybe I'll compliment her on her shoes or something if I see her again, ask her where she got them as we may have the same shoe size issue or something subtle!

It all defiantly gets easier when you shift from "oh its a big deal, who's looking at me" to just getting on with your day.  I felt myself starting to really make that shift on holiday, its not always the case but if i'm feeling fresh and energized then i have much more of a cant give a * approach and am starting to learn the head held high stare back look when people are paying too much attention.

I've heard a lot of good things about facial team on FB and ->-bleeped-<-,  My original FB friend (from another forum and the one who hasn't posted here so I'm sure you can find her!) went to them with her partner and they both had some work done. They both seem to be helping promote facial team also now.

As for Ear's.  Yeah its been a year now for me.  I got them done this time last year on vacation. I got a DIY kit from walmart and enlisted my partner to do the job.   I wasn't out to anyone but her then so I got clear plastic retainers to use for the flight home and whenever I was out with family/friends. They were a bit traumatic to swap in and out with the gold studs for a while as i was not really following the healing requirements correctly and at the time i couldn't contemplate changing them myself.  When I came out no one had noticed them so i guess they worked!   

My god that all makes me realise how far have I come in those 12 months!

I got my ears done a week ago, I love it!

Dr Timmins told me to keep taking my normal dose of Spiro for the first month of Prostrap, half it for the second month of Prostrap and then stop at the beginning of the 3rd month :-) hopefully that helps!


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I guess I'm gauging the full time thing by my presentation at work. It's a smart office wear environment so there is no in between as far as gender presentation goes. I had to set a date and make the change. As far as the rest of my life has been for the last couple of months, I've been purposefully presenting very female outside of work for a couple of months now. It's been weird but worth it as far as my comfort / confidence goes :-)


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Well the prostrap is in......now my arm aches!   The injection wasn't as bad as I had worked myself up for.  My nurse did point out that the needle may look big, but its not really that big and the one they use for drawing blood is bigger anyway, so that put my mind at ease.  End of the day, yeah not comfortable but not a patch on laser hair removal!  Let the roller coaster begin.   T has already got a head start as its slightly up from my last test, but E is up there where it needs to be.

Yeah corporate environments like to see clear lines, I recall my last corporate work place I had a peek at their trans policy and it was pretty much, you can change but its a one time deal, you go home as him come back as her, explicitly forbid any dress down Friday as dress up Friday.  Not sure how it would have coped with non binary etc. But then it wasn't many years previous they relented and allowed woman to wear trousers.

Well the full time streak continues today, as i said I had my prostrap this afternoon which was going to be a Lisa affair as they now have me down with that name for calling in etc.  Online booking system has me as Mr Lisa though which is a bit of a pain.  What I hadn't realised when I made the appointment is I double booked myself today as I had an errand to run with my dad, so I ended up doing all that as well, we also have a standing dinner arrangement on Tue, so in for a penny in for a pound.  Everting going great until the waitress went to take my order, my partner got a Miss, I got a Sir! FFS the stupid woman just sat us at the table, me in full make-up, cleavage on show, big shiny earrings 4" heal boots and the skirt pictured above. WTF.    Oh well, it was still a good day.

Lisa, I'm glad that your injection was better than you had expected but the neadle point does sting a little for a few hours afterwards. I've had to go back onto my Fin only 2 weeks after my second injection because I was feeling that something wasn't right again. Going to see what happens over the week.

I seem to be quite lucky at work. Although they do have a 'smart' dress code, there is a 'dress-down Firday' and attitudes to what you can wear at other times is quite relaxed. This has really encouraged me to starting changing the way I dress. I now wear smart casual all female clothes with the odd male T-shirt and what I present varies from androgynous (baggy T-shirt with no bumps showing) to female (fitted T-shirt with no mistaking what's there!). With BB cream and my hair in a ponytail and pinned up I'm begining to confuse a few people.

On top of everything else I have now been diagnosed with asthma. I go and pick up my prescription and the assistant behind the counter looks at me, turns to her colleagues and says 'hold on a minute, I have a lady to serve'. Then came the embarrassing part when I had to sign using my old name. So, I've decided to legally become Holly Charlotte Fox on 5th November and all of details at work will change in a week or two.

Being seen as female is still very rare but it got me thinking. If the occasional person is seeing me as female in just jeans and T-shirt and without any makeup, then maybe a little war paint may help so later this week at work I'm going to try a little mascara and tinted lip gloss to see what sort of reaction I get.

Holly x

 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

I wondered what all the celebrations and fireworks were about on Saturday. The whole country seemed to be celebrating the birth of Holly.

Congratulations

PS I love your avatars, do you do them yourself?

Hi Lisa,

It truely feels like every a celebration to me and every day just keeps getting better. It's like seeing everything for the first time all over again. I spent my day 'celebration' back at the theatre rehearsing the Madness musical Our House where I get to play with dry ice for a whole week!

My avatar was created here: https://www.bitmoji.com/ (https://www.bitmoji.com/) and I photoshopped backgrounds and other body parts to get what what I wanted.

Work, my GP and car insurance accepted my Deed Poll without any problem but the bank would not. They said that they do not consider this to be a legal document because it wasn't signed ny a solicitor and will only change my details with a photo ID driving license. They had to call their head office for advice because they had never dealt with a trans woman before. I was hoping to avoid getting a new driving license for a while to give my face more time to change but it seems like I have no choice.

Holly x

That's surprising, my banks (Lloyds and Barclays) were fine about it. The lady in Lloyds was expecting a stamp from a solicitor but I told her to send it off anyway and the bank accepted it.


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I'm putting off photo ID too for a chance of a pic i will be happy with for the next 10 years, I had the same solicitors stamp requirement from three mobile.  The whole sigh up process for them was entirely voluntary and self declared (PAYG), but try and change your name and brick walls all over the place.  They accepted my deed poll in the end with an apology as a special exception! Barclaycard were fine along with electoral register and gas and electric.  Not tackled banks yet, seems the done thing is if you get problems then just try another branch and they will probably be fine (not much use for online only though). I have been sitting on further name changes for a bit though,  waiting for that "everything is in colour" and the world is great feeling.  Glad you are starting to feel it Holly, I'm hoping the prostrap will bring it to me soon. I can feel its changing how i feel but not sure what i make of it yet as T is defiantly on the rise!. I never got it fully suppressed though so there is a lot riding on how i feel when T drops to nothing.

Same here Lisa, I think the lowest my T has ever been was 7.0 which is outside of normal male range but also outside of normal female range! I get my first Prostap injection on Friday and I'm quite excited and nervous about it. I'm a bit scared about my libido being completely destroyed, I don't mind it reduced significantly but I still want something!

I almost went and got my passport photo done yesterday but just wasn't brace enough. Need to get it done before Christmas really.

Weirdly enough the only things I'm having name change problems with are PayPal and Blizzard!


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Glad to hear all this good news from you lovely ladies.

  I am still stalling on my name change as I am still signed off sick ( since June ) and at the moment can't even think much about my life other than trying to get back to work so I can earn some money  >:(

I'm keeping tabs on how you are all getting on with banks, phones etc.

Laura x

Time for a bit of a catch-up.

After legally changing my name, the first visible sign of of my new identity was at my GP's surgery and on 24th November. It was an exciting feeling seeing my name for the first time.


Then onto a conference London on 1st December, where I made the journey as Holly. Everything was OK except when I bought my underground ticket - 'Thank you Sir'. It was the first time that my London Colleagues had seen me since the Pride March in July and they told me that I had changed a lot.

My biggest challenge was going to our Christmas party at the NEC on 7th December, where I wore a skirt for the first time in pulic.


Again, it was all going very well and no one was staring at me. Couldn't have been better until I asked one of the staff where the toilets were - 'They're over there Sir'. Those words didn't have an immediate impact on me but I did start feeling more awkward as the night went on. All of my work colleagues disappearing and leaving me on my own for over 2 hours didn't help either. At the end of the night I left on my own, got home and wished I hadn't out in the first place. Despite what my London colleagues say, my facial features haven't changed.

The experiences of the past 2 weeks have left me very unsettled and the face I see in the mirror looks less like Holly each day. Just glad I've got a week at the theatre to occupy my mind.

Holly x

Holly,

Don't despair, I know exactly how you feel and it will change. It doesn't take much to set off a feeling of uneasiness which grows inside you. For me it can just be looking in a mirror when I'm in the bathroom and feeling like I don't belong there.

These feelings become less and less over time, I probably have one or two bad days in 7 at the moment and although I think my face hasn't changed at all, people tell me otherwise. I've started getting "miss" and "lady" from people with no prompting and i can promise you it feels amazing when you get there. Because we see and study our faces every day, it makes any change imperceptible but it's happening!

Stay strong and try to love yourself. If you manage it without too much self doubt, tell me how you did it!

One thing I've noticed by chatting to women is that every woman has something they don't like about them self and they focus on it. Just like us. We are not alone!

Take care,

Emily


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December 2016 catch-up:

Shortly after my last post I began helping out at my local theatre as stage crew for their December pantomime. Their performances were going well, I hadn't messed up and the auditorium was full every night. I normally use the disabled toilets between the first and second half but on this particular night there were queues on all of the public toilets and I had to be back in position in 5 minutes. I am one of the theatre's committee members and another was with me and suggested that I use the rehearsal room toilets upstairs. He said that there was another group in but that they wouldn't mind. So I went upstairs, used the ladies toilets (which were empty from the moment I entered to the moment I left) and got on with the second half of the show.
The following evening I was approached by two committee members who told me that they had received some complaints from some parents that they had seen a man going into the ladies toilets, bothering their children and that they had reported the matter to the child protection officer. I was in complete shock. I asked one of them what he had said in reply to the complaint and was told that they had apologised and said that 'he would be told not to use the ladies toilets in future'. I was not only in shock but angry and couldn't quite get the right words out, except that preventing me from using the ladies toilets was probably illegal. I hardly spoke a word for the rest of the week, didn't use any toilet, when I pasted people who were queuing I'm wondering whether they are looking at me because I'm simply passing by, are curious, or whether I imagined that mother pulling her daughter closer to her because of something she had heard. By the end of the last performance ran from the building in tears and have not gone back.
We roll on a few days, a few emails, and some offer to have a meeting to discuss what has happened. I did manage to finally get my mind back together enough to say that this had not been handled appropriately and that the complainants should have been told straight away that I had been involved with the theatre for nearly 10 years, that I was a serving committee member, that I was security checked and safe to work with children and vulnerable adults and that I am really transgender under the care of a gender clinic. Even 2 weeks I don't believe that the complainants have been contacted in any way and are probably warning other parents to be on their guard about the transvestite prowling the theatre bothering their children and using the ladies toilets. The theatre is now a no-go area for me.

A few days later I was out shopping on my own and got verbal abuse from some young teenagers, who thought that it was also hilarious to try and block me into a corner with shopping trolleys but with 10 bags of coal in my trolley there empty ones were no match.

On the 21st I had my first appointment with Dr Khoosal (gender psychiatrist) as the GIC insist on a second opinion to make sure that you really trans and not just confused about your gender. It was a very underwhelming experience and that part of the assessment only lasted a couple of minutes when he saw the way that I dressed and my new photo ID during license. He was short, direct, but never rude. It was obvious that he hadn't read any of my notes and asked me to talk about my life as I was growing up. He kept cutting me short, asking for 'just a few words', then onto what lead up to me beginning my transition, again cutting me off, and finally how I felt now. I explained what had happened in London, work Christmas party and the problems I had at the theatre, the only time he actually listened to the whole story. He started to tell me about the legislation, which I cut him short because I know already. He them asked me to go and see a hair removal specialist. Again I cut him short because he was beginning to irritate me because yet again, he hadn't read my notes. I told him that I had 4 sessions and that there was no noticeable difference. He then quickly commented that the NHS would only pay for 8 sessions before asking me how I felt. I said that I was very unsettled by recent events and that I am now very conscious about my appearance. He then cut me short again and said that he was only interested in gender related issues, that I should see a speech therapist, and that he would be writing to my GP to get me referred to a psychiatrist and speech therapist. I noticed that his notes about me, my life, thoughts, feelings, medication and recommendations were confined to less than a quarter page of A4. I had a few documents with me, including my Deed Poll, which I passed onto the receptionist to get my details changed, another place crossed off my list.

The following day I had my first quarterly injection. Everything looked the same, but unlike the lower dosage, one week on I can still feel where the needle has been and there is a small bump on my skin which is a little tender. No other side-effects.

The 23rd is when I was due to have my 5th electrolysis session but just as I was leaving I got a phone call from my partner. She had been in a car accident, hit by on oncoming earth-moving truck that hadn't stopped. She was OK but badly shaken. My 14 year old silver Peugeot 206 car was a write-off.

Christmas eve, we set out the presents to unwrap the next morning I saw one that had no name, except for who had sent it. It turned out to be by step-daughter, who is having a hard time accepting my new identity. Not only will she not say my name, but she couldn't bring herself to write it either.

Christmas Day, I woke up in tears and couldn't stop crying until mid-day but it didn't take much to set me off again. She went to see her daughter's family and I said that I would like to come with her. 'Dress-down a bit' I was told, 'don't wear anything...' I know what she meant, shapeless, androgynous clothing that would 'cover things up'. The tears came back and I took myself to bed at 3pm. My partner told me later that I had spoilt the day for her.

Boxing Day I went to a family party. My partner had done my hair and I was wearing more shapely clothing. My step-daughter and her daughter were also there and after a bottle of wine and half a bottle of Disaronno I sat with my step-daughter and we began to talk to each other. Tears, hugs and two very drunk people later we had made some progress. Everyone at the party called my Holly.

28th I found out that I had been scammed and had 200 pounds taken from my bank account. Be VERY careful about getting sample products from websites because their 'samples' can suddenly become expensive re-occurring orders at extortionately high cost. The bank has blocked any future payment requests.

The first thing that you're advised to do when you transition is to set up a support network of people and safe places to help you through. In just one month my support network has been shattered sending my mind into free-fall. I'm questioning whether I really know some of the people I 'thought' I knew, whether my 'safe places' are just an illusion and whether I will ever be truly 'accepted'. All my facial IPL and electrolysis treatment has failed. ALL treated areas have grown back and new dark areas have appeared that were never even there to begin with, body hair in some areas has started to grow again and my voice is cracked and broken. December has been horrible month and I look to next year with trepidation rather than excitement, not knowing when or where the next punch will be heading in my direction.

I did manage to get another car, a 15 year old silver Peugeot 206.

Holly, I was so sad to see all of this.  That theater response to you was just horrible, throwing you under the bus to placate some transphobic parents.   That doctor sounds like the very definition of a gatekeeper, there to make sure all the boxes are properly checked, and the forms are all correct, no concern for the human being sitting there in front of him. 

The holidays are hard.  I was accused of 'ruining' a family event last summer, although the only person who was upset was my (ex)partner who thought I had violated one of her myriad of mandates.  Finding real, accepting support seems so hard.  I was constantly surprised at how fragile I felt when I was starting transition and just coming out, after spending so many years being the stoic manly man.  I don't know how I would have made it without my therapist and support group.

You've at least got the folks at Susan's Place, not much I know, but you can at least vent here and get a sympathetic ear.  Don't let the darkness drag you down.  Things WILL get better over time.

I really hope you and your step-daughter can find an ongoing connection.  Look at how well that party went, correctly named, and talking with your step-daughter.  There's hope. 

There is always hope.


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Oh Holly such a traumatic month.

I knew from FB something had happened in your theatre group, but didn't like to pry, but that is truly awful and so badly handled, it sounds very much like ignorance on the part of the committee on how to handle the matter, but that doesn't make it hurt any the less and whilst we must be strong and stand up for ourselves, some times it can just be to much ask of us and we have to retreat to protect ourselves.  I hope they reach out to you again or that you can find it in yourself to contact them with some info on how it should have been handled.  Maybe the LGBT guys at your work could provide some literature you could send them,  if all else fails there are some government guides i could find and post which may help with education.

The end of the day though you have to protect yourself, we can be so venerable especially as our hormones are playing up, so there is no shame in walking away if that's the best for you for now.

Your Dr K comments don't seem foreign to me, I think i had a better experience than you but I defiantly see where your experience comes from, I just re-read my post from my 2nd appointment and I could have prepared you better in hindsight, maybe at the time i thought it was just me and time being short, but there was similar shortness in my appointment, When i gave him my deed poll and showed him i had credit card statements and utility bill's to support the change, he took them to make a copy at which I protested they had personal banking details on them, something he paid no heed to and carried on to run them through the copier whilst i tried to read the HRT consent form before i signed it. He returned as I had read the signature side and put my x on the spot when i realised it had two sides, as i tried to read the first page before handing it over I was told it was a bit academic as i was already on HRT anyway and he took it off me. To this day I'm not 100% sure what that first page said and I consented to!!  There was also no doubt about when my time was up as he held the door open whilst I forced in a couple more questions.

TBH though I have spent a bit of time around busy specialist Dr's over the past few years and Dr K is not our of the norm and i don't think he means ill, its just a contrast to the few like DR T who cant stop talking even when bouncing off the walls.

Well i have my third appointment in Jan with Dr Vaidya, no idea what I am in for with them.

Oh and family and Christmas,  It sounds, like me, you had high hopes for your first Christmas as you, but the reality did not live up to expectations.  I didn't have such a torrid time as you but there were definite lows where i had hoped for highs, and it all erodes that one thing i am desperately holding onto, hope.   There are signs of progress though for you with your step daughter, so just hold onto this quote from your post

Quote from: Holly2016 on December 29, 2016, 08:46:21 AM
December 2016 catch-up:

after a bottle of wine and half a bottle of Disaronno I sat with my step-daughter and we began to talk to each other. Tears, hugs and two very drunk people later we had made some progress. Everyone at the party called my Holly.

Stay safe and do what you have to do to protect yourself and remember, it is often the love they have for you that makes it hard for some family. but they do still love you even if they have a funny way of showing it at times.

Its the end of 2016 which has been a big year for us and looking back we have all come so far.  When i have a bad time and doubts creep in which is not uncommon, I now think back to the end of 2015 when i made that GP appointment.  The ->-bleeped-<- stuff now is nothing compared to what i was doing to myself in my head back then.  So whilst it seems awful and too hard at times, as i cry myself to sleep with hope seeming like a memory, those 2015 memories come back and remind me where I have been before and some hope returns.   Today i find it hard to see what life will be like when i am done and how i will get there, but back then I couldn't even imagine I would get to where i am today.  So its probably better if i give up thinking about things,  easy eh!!!!

Here's to a Happier new year, and hold on to the hope.

Lisa

Holly and Lisa,

   I think it's Dr K's normal 2nd appointment manor, as I had a very short and direct meeting with him for mine.  I will find out as my next is on the 25th January.

Hope everyone has a nice New Year

Laura xx

don't want to but in on your post but having trouble finding UK friends , just went to GP for referral so as live near Malvern possibly Nottingham. Wish I could get some HRT now and I sympathize with the face comments , 61 bald and a blokey build and will never pass but then the face in the mirror is not the one in my head.

trying to find information on uk ,peeps to talk to ect, just started my journey to be Davina . looks like a long road ahead.Near Malvern, worcs so don't know best gic to go to.

Hi Davina .  I'm down in Bedfordshire.  The GenderGP service can provide HRT while you wait for the GIC at a cost...

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Hi Davina

I'm down south and drive 2h to Daventry GIC, unless I'm mistaken Northampton is practically on your doorstep so have a read and settle in.

Welcome

So sorry you've been through a catalogue of horrible events Holly, but pleased you managed to speak with your step-daughter over Christmas and make a small step in the right direction with her. Sending a virtual <<<hug>>> and you know where I am if there is ever anything I can do (including just being a sounding board if you want to let off steam!!). In the not so positive times remind yourself that you are the Fabulous Holly Fox, and that's how I and others see you.

Hi Davina,

Welcome to our group. I looked through the forums for experiences with Nottingham GIC and Northampton GIC and found more people liked Northampton GIC (which is actually in Daventry). At that time it also had the shortest waiting list, at 3 months, free parking and was the closest to me. I'm in Warwickshire, so it's just a short trip down the A5.

As Megan said, you could try the GenderGP service https://gendergp.co.uk/ (https://gendergp.co.uk/) (Dr Webberley). I had some dealings with her (or, at least I thought it was her), which you can read about in one of my early posts.

You are certainly much further forward than I was when I told my partner. I still wore male clothes for 6 months after that, even at home and gradually changed the way I dressed and presented over 9 months to get everyone used to the new me. Losing weight is helping with my appearance. Just over 12 months ago I was 16.5 stone and at 5' 6" I just looked like a blob. I managed to lose 3 stone on my own and joined Slimming World a couple of months ago to help me get down to my target weight of 10 stone.

At work I'm helping to support a 64 year old MtF, who came out last year. Sadly, it was only when her wife died that she was finally able to start on her journey.

Holly x

Here is an extract from a feature published in The Times newspaper yesterday. The interview actually took place over the phone on 13th September 2016 and was only meant to be part of an internal company blog.

Very interesting,  thank you Holly.  I'm working towards a similar effort as part of the LGBT network at my own employer (also a large multinational).

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Yea Holly

All so true.

so how long do you think I will have to wait before GIC get in touch,3 weeks and nowt yet. I know it will be 2 years min before full transition and cant wait that long.

Hi Davina,

In my experience, the GIC took 6 weeks to send out a letter confirming that they had received my referral and 'officially' 11 months before I got my first appointment. If you've read some of my past posts you'll see that I wasn't prepared to wait and when I joined this forum I had already been looking after myself for a couple of months, having put in a 2 solid weeks of research about the drugs, dosage, effects, dangers, side effects, warning signs and how to understand the basics of my bloodwork before I started any form of medication.

I kept sending emails to the GIC with my medical details and blood test results, discussing dosage, its effects and what I was trying to achieve. The amount of detail and analysis I put in seemed to catch the attention of Dr Timmins and he phoned me at work in June; that I suppose was my first official, but unofficial appointment. A week or so later he called me again and asked me if I could get to the GIC that day as he had a cancellation.

I would suggest going down the Dr Webberley route. You would at least start hormone treatment in about a month and would have someone overseeing you until you get to the GIC.

While it is possible to achieve full transition in 2 years, it is very, very unlikely. Sadly as you get older the hormones have much less of an effect and work much more slowly. At 46, it will take me around 2 to 3 years for me to look reasonable and up to 10 years to see the final result. Sadly my genetics are fighting me every step of the way and it's likely I will have to find £15,000 for facial surgery, but you my get lucky. You will only be considered for GRS after living and working as a female for 2 years (not the date you first taking hormones). The start date is determined by the GIC, but if you have been living full time prior to any appointment then this will be taken into account. In exceptional circumstances the 'Real Life Experience' may be shortened to 1 year.
So, you've done your RLE and you're ready for GRS. You will have attend a special appointment at the GIC, where 2 psychiatrists and up to 2 medical gender specialists will be present. They will discuss your medical and your mental fitness with you in depth. All being well you will get their approval and move onto a waiting list for GRS. The waiting list is around 12 months. Exactly what happens from that moment onwards is still a little fuzzy at the moment as I've not spent a great deal of time looking into it, but you will at some point meet the surgeon who will perform your GRS to discuss options, your expectations, what can realistically be achieved, and aftercare. It's likely this will be at Charring Cross, London. The one thing that does put the fear of God into me is the rectal prostate examination that will happen at this time. The less said about that the better.

Holly x

Hi Davina

As Holly said, I too got a confirmation letter sometime around the six week mark, phoned them up a few times after that as back in those days they were saying thinks like 18 weeks to see them, but each time I wasn't getting any closer.  That's when I went with Dr W and also on the basis I was at a point I would not have taken no for an answer WRT HRT so what did I have to loose.  So I put my stake in the ground and paid Dr W and the next day answered the phone to an unknown number.  A week later I was sitting in my first appointment due to an extra clinic being run at short notice,  for four of us who 1) answered their phone and 2) dropped everting to be there. (not a lot in my case lol)


Anyway, its already the end of Jan so a quick update from me.  Been a busy month so far,  I have my frequent flyer gold card at the GP and they know me by name as soon as I walk through the door and even if I phone them up lol.  Combination of pro strap injections, Blood tests and getting fresh prescriptions, Plus I asked them to update/create my new NHS record, so there has been some back and forth for that too.

I also had my third GIC appointment,  Not sure what to say about that, mainly because there was not a lot too it, but give me a second and I'll climb on my soap box and have a moan about the 6.5 hour round trip for 15min of Dr time.  10 min that was spent deciding that because my E is 301 pmol/L and they want 300-600, so its good enough, no explanation why its fallen from 580 before the prostap, but just an, it varies, go away and have another test in 8 weeks after being on the 3 month prostap for a while.  GRRRRR

It really was just a "Hi your still coming back, so I suppose we better look at the blood results and check your not dead already"   I had a few questions of my own which dragged out another few minutes, that's not to say I got any answers and was just asked to email my questions in.

On a more positive note, I got myself motivated to sort out some voice therapy, and in a last ditch search before the GIC and my GP sent me for the local hospital clinic to have a go I found a voice coach locally with experience of feminisation.  So I have been seeing her once a week since the start of the month.  Its slow going with exercises to build muscle and breath support, but I'm doing well and cracking through the exercises so fingers crossed I'm on my way.

All in all, looking back I seem to be Full time since October and I did manage to convince the GIC of that via some questionable questions so hopefully my countdown clock is ticking so something good did come of it!

Personally I feel I'm a bit behind on where i want to be by now but cant speed up how my body reacts i suppose and the time taken to find and sort voice has put me a bit behind.  I have had a bit of a set back with facial hair too,  I was on an enforced break from the laser due to my vacation, but when i went to start again I found my clinic had been sold off to another chain,  So with the 4th price hike (300%) in a year it was too far and I haven't been back.  With Xmas and starting voice my face got pushed to the back burner, but it's starting to bug me again now with regrowth so I am going to have to bite the bullet and figure out how to fit Electrolysis in.

Oh well that pretty much sums up my transition news, Chuck in starting IVF with my partner and its been a bit busy, oh what a wild roller coaster this is,  Fortunately the emotional ups and downs seem to be smoothing out but time will tell if that lasts.

thanks for replies, not had good internet so sorry for late post. moved into flat so when dave comes home Davina will cook ect Plan to come out proper October after Racing seasons finishes so 6+ months on HRT might help.

so things not looking good for appointment times , looks like years just to get first one. Will push my GP for HRT .

I've got appointment number 3 at Daventry on Wednesday - this time with Dr. Khoosal.
The 1st was with Mel Wiseman-Lee and the 2nd with Dr,Timmins.
Stlll no hormones!

Had a blood test for liver function and not had chance to get back to GP but if OK looks like I should get HRT.

Rikki,

For me it was the third appointment when I got the Okay for hormones, fingers crossed for you hon.   Oh and as has been said before Dr K is a direct person, not much for small talk, likes direct answers.

Quote from: rikki.1969 on March 20, 2017, 02:42:24 PM
I've got appointment number 3 at Daventry on Wednesday - this time with Dr. Khoosal.
The 1st was with Mel Wiseman-Lee and the 2nd with Dr,Timmins.
Stlll no hormones!

rikki,

Welcome to the site.

It's hard to be patient and wait. However, the whole process is a big waiting game. Hang in there.

I also want to share some links with you. They are mostly welcome information and the rules that govern the site. If you have not had a chance to look through them, please take a moment:

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)	Standard Terms & Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html)	News posting & quoting guidelines (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html)	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866)

Once again, welcome to Susan's. Look around, ask questions and join in.

With warmth,

Joanna

Well just got my first letter back from Nottingham GIC , 2 year wait for first appointment so if I get HRT from my GP will be well on my way!!!!

Well as you said  Laura_Ann I  signed the consent form for hormones today. The consent form was also supposed to be for Dr T's medical which I had 6 weeks ago! Was also given the letter for facial hair removal and my GP will be contacted re. voice therapy and hormones.  :)
Dr K was OK - he made a few jokes and I kept to the point when he asked me anything.
Unfortunately he said that they are unable to access my GP records online so has to be a letter which are taking 6 to 7 weeks. I had the foresight to take a copy of bloods with me when I saw Dr T 6 weeks ago so Dr K told those will not need to be done until just before my next appointment. Whew - So  will be (soon) up and running at long last!
Rikki

QuoteJoanna wrote:
Welcome to the site.

Thanks for the welcome and the guidelines.
Rikki x

I can't believe that there haven't been any new posts since 22nd March! Here's what's been going on since then.

March
On the 25th I got blonde highlights, posted the first 'real' picture of me on Facebook and openly celebrated Trans Visibility Day.

April
Relations between me and my step daughter brake down completely and I find out from my partner that I am banned from vising her as I am considered a 'threat' to her children. Attempts by my partner to smooth things over failed and my step son jumps on the bandwagon accusing her of 'choosing HIM over your own children'. My partner publicly shows her support for me and trans people on Facebook.
22nd I go completely blonde.

May
I got my ears pierced on the 13th by a gay guy who couldn't understand a trans woman only being attracted to other women. Err, I thought that's what being a lesbian was all about, but the next major step came on the 17th. I wore just a swimsuit at the pool, instead of covering up with a T-shirt, and my first dress at work. This was also the same week some creepy guy left his phone number on my car windscreen, I was told that an old work colleague was getting turned on seeing me in a dress and on reaching my teenage years because my partner now tells me that all my dresses are too short!
On 19th I filmed my first boxing match as Holly at a working man's club. If I'm going to be outed it will be here, so I make sure I've got my silicone chicken wings in. I am not misgendered once. Success!
27th I filmed my first wedding at Letchworth Hall Hotel in Essex. I had to stand by the bride & groom where everyone could see me and I was wearing a black lace dress with high heels. I knew a couple people there who said that they couldn't believe how much I had changed.
The next day I had to go shopping in my local town to pick up a few bits ready for work the following day and I pass a mother and daughter. 'Mummy, is that girl? No, that a boy pretending to be a girl'.

June
On the 2nd I finally get rid of all my dark roots and lighten my hair a little more and I update my profile picture on Facebook and on this forum. The following day I was cutting the grass at home when another mother and daughter pass me. The daughter stares at me but says nothing. A little further down the road I hear the mother telling her that 'it was a man'.

So, it seems that just when you thing you're making progress, reality comes along and kicks you in the face.

Despite my best efforts I am not recognised as female when I'm on the phone. It always goes the same way. If I'm making a business call to someone who knows my name, but doesn't know me, I always get a long pause followed by a load of security questions to check my identity. The other calls I make or receive I'm always get called 'Sir' and the conversation is awkward. I've tried the Eva app, training courses by Deep Stealth and whatever I could find on YouTube but I haven't done very well, so on Dr Khoosal's recommendation to my GP, I got a referral to start speech therapy on 21st June. My first appointment was simply an opportunity for the department manager and therapist to get to know me and find out about my history and experiences. Part of the session was also went through things that could affect your voice, such as smoking, excessive alcohol, caffeine, breathing and gastric problems. Unfortunately I fall into the last two categories as I have breathing problems and get acid reflux. We then moved on to getting a baseline to judge my progress against. I was reluctant to do this because I would have to use my old voice and told them that I didn't really want to lower my pitch. 'Pitch isn't everything' I was told and I gave in. The two of them looked quite astonished when I finished speaking and going that low after such a long time started me coughing.
My first 'real' appointment starts on 5th July.

July 14th is my 3rd GIC appointment, and will be my first with Dr Tickle!

Anyone else got any updates that they would like to share?

Holly x

Not much of note here Holly,

Got my next appointment on 28th July with Dr Tickle, all I can think of is the Mister Men cartoon now  :laugh:

Been enjoying my patches and blocker injections, I've got the latter next week.
I've been seeing a speech therapist for a while now and I am struggling to get my pitch to change, seem to loose my voice or go horse  :embarrassed:

Only semi plus side is I am back at work at last, but not sure for how long, think I need a new job FAST  :(

My GP referred me to Northhamton (long wait at Nottingham) and we filled in there forms and sent them off but not had a reply yet,2 1/2 months now so might have to rattle there cage. Thinking of drawing out some pension so I can get some HRT , still planning on end of October to come out, well to start RLE as not been hiding any thing so far.

Thanks for the bump Holly and the updates.  I have drifted away from Susans a little recently but have been stalking following you all on FB.

Like Laura-Ann there is a lot of calender watching going on for me.  Likewise I started Speech therapy and have been going since Jan.  I seem to be doing great in my sessions and getting things right but struggling to use it in everyday life especially around people I am familiar with, but hopefully I'll get there with a bit more practice and confidence.

As far as Northampton is concerned, not sure what's happening with them,  Glad to hear there are still there lol.  I had my brief appointment in Jan and did my bloods a few months later to send in, only to get an appointment booked for the following week to discuss them.  Well not being keen on another seven hour round trip to be only be told they were OK I called up and we cancelled the appointment they had fitted in and told me they would write if anything needed to change.  Well that was three months ago and the last I have heard from them.  Hopefully I will hear something more soon but they did say after the third appointment they scale back the appointments as things are just ticking along,  Hopefully that's true and I will hear more at some stage.

Personal life has been up and down and I can sympathise with you Holly in interactions with people.  I had a big ding dong with Natwest over my name change, well not so much the name but the title, which ended up in a couple of months of complaints process while they sent me incorrectly titled post and all sorts of combinations of wrong titles and initials on paying in books etc.   In the end it was sorted and they sent me a hamper and £100 compensations.  Nice but didn't really reflect the emotional distress they caused which was pretty bad at one point so the whole thing left a sour taste and I have not bothered tackling any name changes since, but I'll get to them when they become important enough to me to be up to facing doing some more.

But on a more positive note,  I pre-empted TDOV by a day or so and came out to the last groups of friends I intend to take with me by making a post on my old Facebook account and inviting them to friend my new one.  Well that was a roller coaster, initially a few came over then I caved and sent some requests out followed by some uncertainty and a few nudges.  Most came over, some are a little unsure and there are still some outstanding requests with people I haven't seen in a while, a little disappointed with those but unsure what the situation is but hope things may improve with them at some stage in the future.

That was more or less all to my car club friends, and a week or so before our first big event  (I still wont post on here what the car is though as its pretty identifiable).  Well I had pretty much resigned myself to being the person they knew for that event, but enough of them encouraged me (and challenged) on chat, that I went to the event as Lisa and it all went really well.

We were also invited to a neighbours big birthday party which was a bit of a question mark if we would go or not as it would be the fist time out in front of some of the neighbours, including some that have been a bit lukewarm to the whole idea.  But in the end I put my best frock on and deep breath and held my head high.  Again everything went well except for when everyone at our table decided to have a go on the dance floor.  Well that was too big of a challenge for me to be out there the centre of attention in the room so i stayed put and ended up feeling just as self conscious sitting there on my own feeling like the centre of attention. So that was a bit of a low moment with me hating my cowardice, but on the plus side by the end of the night and as the room thinned out a bit after midnight, I took the plunge and when they all got up for another turn on the floor I got up too and broke about a 20+ year absence from the dance floor.  Well I don't think I exactly set it alight, but nobody else seemed to want to burn it down either.

Physically things are changing slowly, but surely, Where i used to hide behind my hair and a pony tail was a sure way to uncover him in the mirror, I'm starting to see her more that way now and getting more comfortable that she shines through with hair tied back rather than him now.

Anyway look at me rambling with not much going on!

Ramble away girl, helps to get it out and share. Car club yes as I do hot rods and dragracing and so far no bother. I think its the modifying set of mind makes it ok??????

Although I'm a CX girl,  I hope you'll be happy to have me on this thread [emoji5].
I hope Holly doesn't mind me saying it was great to meet up at the event I ran at work last month *waves*.
I'm almost 6 weeks into my HRT,  and more than three months into RLE. The HRT has certainly had some effects already,  but all positive to me.
It's all going well (rather boringly). My two young children are both still trying to adapt to my change,  but work and life in general is good.
My next GIC appointment is in November,  in the meantime,  following a pause,  I'm resuming my hair removal courtesy of the NHS funding finally coming through.
Always happy answer any questions, I've done massive weight loss,  hair transplants,  hair removal,  abdominoplasty and more...
Megan X

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Quote from: meganjames2 on August 11, 2017, 01:06:36 PM

I'm almost 6 weeks into my HRT,  and more than three months into RLE. The HRT has certainly had some effects already,  but all positive to me.
It's all going well (rather boringly).

  Hi Megan,

    I just want to jump in here to say I love the difference I see in your new avatar and that I am happy things are moving along albeit a bit slowly. It is good to hear things are going well for you.

Hugs,
   Laurie

Tnx Laurie. It's been almost three years since I first contacted a good therapist and started tumbling down the rabbit hole. It took so long for me to figure out who and what I am,  I'm probably  a rare case that the legendarily slow NHS process worked in my favour.

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It was great to finally meet you Megan, albeit briefly. One of your colleagues seemed to be rather taken with me and kept me talking for over 45 minutes! I can also see some very positive differences in your picture even since we last met. You are looking great!

My trip to the GIC to see Dr Tickle on 14th July was a very downbeat affair. Firstly the appointments were running 2 hours late and nobody at reception had thought that it would be a good idea to let everyone know until they had arrived. I was told that I could go home and come back later. I think that my expression told them exactly what they could do with that idea, so I sat in the cafe for an hour catching up with my email and Facebook. After 2 hours I went back to reception and they still weren't ready, but I did have a nice conversation with Loretta, who was also waiting for her appointment. Finally it was my turn.

He had a student with him called Rebecca and I suppose that she was just expecting the same old story that she had heard all day, that everything was going well and these are my future plans. WRONG. Things are NOT going well. Dr Tickle confirmed that 2 years is usually when most of the major facial changes will have taken place for someone of my age. I have been on hormones for 18 months and what I'm seeing is almost no change in my face. He kept telling me that that what people see is 'subjective' but struggled to actually justify his comments because, being from an analytical engineering background, I deal with provable facts and reproducible results. I could simply dismiss his comments from my negative real-world experiences and photograhic evidence that I had taken. He then tried changing tactics and went on about how the hormones were really 'changing the operating system'. Fine, but hardware hasn't changed and the growing difference is now causing major incompatibility problems and I am no longer able 'patch' my operating system. Upgrades are not possible due to failing hardware, failed procedures and finance. The only option available is a graceful shutdown through an exit plan. He then asked me if I had a choice between getting my face done and 'downstairs' surgery which I would pick. I told him my face, because no one can see your 'downstairs' but everyone sees your face; and the NHS will not fund facial surgery and I can hide the 'downstairs' until I could get it sorted out. Unfortunately I have extremely strong facial dysmorphia, that's just how my operating system is.

Look, I didn't start this stupid conversation about operating systems, but for anyone reading the last paragraph, here is the translation:

Things are not going well because my experiences up to last week have proved that. Photographic evidence also backs this up. I want to change but my biology will not let me. The graceful shutdown we'll get to later.

I have had several bad experiences with misgendering that have send my mind reeling. Each time something goes wrong I think that things will get better a little later when my face has changed more, but after 18 months it hasn't. I have done my own photoshop comparisons to prove that. My physical health has started to deteriorate as I can't exercise due to a knee problem and it's only a matter of time before my weight starts going up again. Electrolysis has failed completely and my debts are spiralling. My take home pay has only increased by £400 since 2001 so there is no possibility of ever being able to afford facial surgery. I have exhausted all of my options and this realisation has resulted in a rapid deterioration of my mental health.

The GIC notes were posted to me after about 2 weeks with a recommendation to my Doctor that I am referred to a psychologist asap and that I will be getting another GIC appointment in about 3 months.

The exit plan is a document that I started putting together when I first began transitioning in case everything goes horribly wrong. It's basically a list of things that need to be completed to protect my partner in the event that I am no longer around. If, after I had completed my 2.5 year transition plan, that I decide my transition has failed, the exit plan will start, taking around 6 months to complete. The exit plan is NOT a de-transition document.

I have been signed off work by my Doctor for the next 2 weeks. I am so very tired of everything.

Honey, I hope you're not talking about suicide. Please forgive me if I leapt to the wrong conclusion.

Hugs, Devlyn

Holly,  I'm sorry you're in a low place [emoji853], you seemed to have a real spark when we met.
We're always our toughest judge,  and I didn't know you before,  but for what it's worth,  I think you look great,  and I was extremely jellous of you when we met.
I've been in that 'exit plan' place before, so I'm not going to get preachy,  but I do hope some professional support will help you improve your outlook.
I've struggled with my weight and health most of my life, after growing up using food as my escape from unhappiness.
I don't know your exact situation,  but could swimming be a possible low-impact exercise you could look at?
I've recently started to pressure the relevant channels at my employer to improve the health coverage for Trans* employees,  without this I'm starting to look at second jobs to help cover future costs.
Please PM me if you want to talk,  and focus on keeping yourself well.  X

Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk

Holly,

I am not in a place to give advice. I, like meganjames, am on a pretty slow transition myself. I think we all reach these spots. I am sorry how hard it all is. I have to admit, when I saw your avatar, I thought, wow she's lucky. She has a cis shaped face.

I will argue about the hardware analogy. Neurons paths can be re-mapped. Bodies are always changing. However, by all means, if you can afford the surgery do it. Especially since your face is a trigger. Me too but I can live with it. As long as I keep getting those little hairs zapped off, I will make it through that part.

I hope things start to look up for you. Bad and good things seem to come in groups. Like they don't want to be separated. Persevere, and look at low impact exercises. You have come this far but it's not been that long. Take a breath, curse at me(if it helps), talk to some friends in person; cry, get some sleep then re commit and shift focus. Deadlines are there to break. Get yourself to a small step that is scheduled earlier.

I have to stop because if I gave myself that advice as a stranger, I would probably be angry. However, as part of my journey. If I wrote it down and it doesn't break rules I have promised myself to stop over editing. I think too much and back track. Don't be like me.

Good luck. I hope is smooths out.

Sincerely,
Jacqueline

Devlyn, everything that I have ever done in my life has always gone wrong and for once, just once, I hoped that I would be allowed to become me. I will never achieve anything, I will never change anything, I will never be part of history, just a forgotten nobody, but a nobody that was able to find themselves and that is all that matters. But I can't even have that so what's the point? Over the years I have come to realise that life, or reality, has a consciousness. Some call it fate, others destiny and others Gods, but however you think about it, there is a consciousness watching, overseeing, and controlling our actions by 'circumstance'. I have fought against 'destiny' for over 40 years trying to make my life better and it ALWAYS goes wrong. I am so tired that I just can't fight any more. I no longer see death as the end, just a transition in its own right to re-birth. I'm sure that 'destiny' will carry on kicking me me as long as it can until the time is right when I finally take control.

You've achieved alot,  you've become Holly. Being out and working towards improving the support and experience for those who may follow you is also a really important and valuable contribution, don't underestimate the positive difference you have made,  and can continue to make.
Sometimes we forget the journey we've already taken to get to where we are. The commitment,  bravery,  focus,  physical and emotional effort is huge; you've achieved something many only ever dream of,  don't sell yourself short. X

Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk

Hi Holly

Please stay with us and don't start that exit plan.  You have come a long way and we are all here to support each other.  Its not true that you are not making an impact on the world,  you are having an impact on us and countless others who have read this thread but not posted.

2 years is complete bull->-bleeped-<- like a lot of what the GIC has to say.  For a start it doesn't matter if your trans or CIS your face and looks change your whole life and I have looked at enough trans timelines to know 2 years is only the start.  For some its a dramatic start but for us its more subtle.  But believe me you have changed.  You also say you have been on HRT for 18 months, but you have not been stable on that HRT for 18 months, your not long into your prostap so T is only really just getting under control and all the time those little T factories are still there there is a fight in our operating systems going on.  We are running virtual femme at the moment on hardware designed to run only the host OS, once we get the OS on the bare metal it runs a lot better.  Performance is below par until then.

There are countless stories of post op women who say their transition really started after surgery, once those T factories were gone and they could settle into themselves,  That once they were gone there were other more dramatic changes in how the body shapes itself and how they feel about it. 

And back to the 2 year thing,  We are about 13yr old girls now.  Yeah between 13 and 15 there are a lot of changes to a cis girl,  we wont see those changes to the same degree.  But there are also massive differences between a 15yr old and 18 yr old, even bigger ones to 25.  A standard puberty lasts a decade or so, so giving up after 18 months to 2 years is too early.

You are not alone in how you feel either,  I have had some of my darkest times since starting transition,  not in the same way as before which was from a place of fear and expectation of failure and loss, but more from a place of hopelessness.  The thing that kept me going before was something that was once said by a trans woman, which was in essence, may as well try transitioning as if it doesn't work i can kill myself afterwards.  That was one of the things that kept me from the pill cabinet.   But now I have started transitioning it has no meaning to me.  If I get in a dark place now what is to stop me, after all if I have tried this being a woman thing and failed, and I have had those thoughts,  I have them every day, I have them most when I get my bank account locked because they thought i sounded male.  When I think how much I have spent on speech therapy and that still happens.  When I shy away from changing my name or opening an account at another bank for fear of it happening there too.  When I look at my passport and realise to travel to the USA I have no hope of making it all the way as Lisa so will have to be him for the journey.  When i sit in front of the mirror and cry because it doesn't take cis women 30 minutes of markup to go to the supermarket or even set foot out the front door. All these things make me feel fake and it shouldn't have to be this hard to be me.  But I have to believe, even against all the evidence that things will get better,  even though they show little to no signs to me so far.

I had a plan for my transition that was supposed to see me at a certain place at the end of last year, that was nearly 9 months ago and I see no chance of meeting that goal any time soon,  I just got to make new goals as I learn what I can achieve, I will get to that goal one day. My income and survival depends on it, just not today or last year even.

You are not alone, we can do this together and we have barely started.

XX Lisa

Quote from: Holly2016 on August 11, 2017, 05:23:47 PM
Devlyn, everything that I have ever done in my life has always gone wrong and for once, just once, I hoped that I would be allowed to become me. I will never achieve anything, I will never change anything, I will never be part of history, just a forgotten nobody, but a nobody that was able to find themselves and that is all that matters. But I can't even have that so what's the point? Over the years I have come to realise that life, or reality, has a consciousness. Some call it fate, others destiny and others Gods, but however you think about it, there is a consciousness watching, overseeing, and controlling our actions by 'circumstance'. I have fought against 'destiny' for over 40 years trying to make my life better and it ALWAYS goes wrong. I am so tired that I just can't fight any more. I no longer see death as the end, just a transition in its own right to re-birth. I'm sure that 'destiny' will carry on kicking me me as long as it can until the time is right when I finally take control.

I felt that way at various points in my life. Realizing there wasn't going to be a Nobel prize was a crushing moment for me. I think you've slipped into counting what you don't have rather than what you do have. That includes a loving partner, many concerned people here, an absolutely impish grin, and let's not forget, one of Megan's colleagues who "seemed to be rather taken with me and kept me talking for over 45 minutes!"

You have a fan club, and a family you can talk to right here. If things get too much, there are professionals who can help you get through the darkness. We lose too many friends, please rethink this. Please?

Hugs, Devlyn

I am looking at 4years and that's when I retire so a slowish transition but still planning RLE from end of Oct even if I still look like a bloke in a wig with t*ts (breast forms) . I know at my age things wont happen fast, worst for me is my hair or rather lack off and will never be able to do anything about it. So chin up and join the scenic route as you will get there. Sent the form off to get my pension (miniscule ) fund so when it lands will be getting Gender GP to do there thing,hope fully soon. Looks like Northamptons on 2 years now . Well onward we go through the dark days, always a bright day to follow.

Oh right, got my own referral there sorted out during my little hiatus here. Just need to play the waiting game now.

Hey Ladies,

Hope you have all survived the supposed festive season. 

How are you all getting on with Daventry now?    I am getting a bit disheartened as due to the amount of new referrals they are spreading appointment times.  My last appointment was in July and I had to send them my blood results at the end of October, but I've heard nothing since, no appointment date or anything :-( 

Yeah, they are pretty swamped.  Dr Khosal and Timmins seem to be only doing initial assessments and surgery referrals now.  Tick-over and HRT meetings are handled by Dr Tickle and Dr Vaidya.   I had a meeting in Jan last year and they asked me to send more bloods in a few months later which i did in April,  this triggered another meeting which i was not keen on spending the day to attend just to be told all was ok so i called up and it was left that they would call me if there was any changes needed to my HRT, I heard nothing more until I sent another see to bloods in off my own back at the start of October which triggered another appointment.   I got my moneys worth of time in the appointment but only because Dr Tickle could not see my file so recapped all my history!! The great thing was though I also got to meet Holly while i was there and we had a great chat.

I'm due another blood test soon at Dr Tickles request and am supposed to get an appointment off the back of it so we will see.

I think once we are stable on HRT they don't want to see us much, but it would be nice if they were more proactive in monitoring us and providing some quick feedback.  Dr Webberley gets lots of criticism but she looked at and asked for my blood tests far more than NH have and i was with her for a 1/4 of the time.   I feel far more like i'm on my own in the NHS system.

Laura,  if its been three months then i'd be inclined to get a new set of bloods and send them in, see what happens.  Who knows if we time it right we might get to have a coffee this time.

Quote from: Laura_Ann on January 09, 2018, 10:10:25 AM
Hey Ladies,

Hope you have all survived the supposed festive season. 

How are you all getting on with Daventry now?    I am getting a bit disheartened as due to the amount of new referrals they are spreading appointment times.  My last appointment was in July and I had to send them my blood results at the end of October, but I've heard nothing since, no appointment date or anything :-(

If it's been that long you may want to contact them. Email is best: genderclinic@nhft.nhs.uk. I had my first appointment at the end of August and my second one at the start of December so it's worth chasing up.