For me personally the more the estrogen binds to my brain the more I love the idea of being trans . Don't get me wrong I am female first , but the idea of being uniquely trans is incredibly exciting to me . The possibility of being part of a movement and cutting edge social experience is quite interesting. I grew up riding the tail end of the Hippie movement. The hippies went underground for the most part when the war that was never admitted to being a war ended . I somewhat died when the movement died, but never stopped being a hippie. I've always been trans , but until recently through transition I was in denial and basically underground. For me being trans now was like when I chose to be a hippie. I'm free at last dear God free at last. I know there is a great diversity in the feeling of being trans from love to angst . I guess no matter how far the movement achieves acceptance there will always be that angst of being trans which is totally understandable. I don't know what it is in me that makes me enjoy being trans , I think it has some to do with the factors that made me love being a hippie or was it the desire to be trans that made me a hippie , I don't know. What triggered this excitement has been the experience of strangers and my therapist wanting for some reason to make sure they gender properly. Tonight sitting in Starbucks a lady called me ma'am. Being called ma'am is happening on a scale I never in my wildest dreams thought would happen. A waitress a couple of days ago wanted to make sure she was using the right pronouns. Even though I have nothing I'm finding I have everything. I'm having a great day today just because strangers want to gender me proper and because I'm trans. Sorry I got carried away.
Your not get carried away at all Stephanie! You deserve the love and respect.
As for me, I am very very happy and comfortable with being trans, post-trans, female whatever. I just like being me - and I'm amazed that I can say that after so many years of hiding.
Some words that make being trans great. Inner peace, acceptance, freedom, self love. Being Born a girl woulda
been great .... but this is the next best thing. After years of denial and all the negativity I finally have all of the above.
I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy. I'm the luckiest unlucky girl in the world for having survived it and somehow I now get to live happily ever after. My life is pretty much an extended WTF moment at times, but I'm starting to find that my "now what?" groove is finally taking.
Most of the time I don't think about it too much. There's aspects to my personality which I like which most likely may never have been had I been born a genetic cis female. Who's to say my life would have been any better? I'll never know! The only thing I really don't like about being trans is the sheer douchbaggery of people who discriminate and hate against trans people - even though I'm fairly free of that at the moment I know it affects the majority of us.
Honestly I think it's hard. It's hard and unfair. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
It promises a bright future of self actualization. But so far it's just an existential nightmare of doubt, regret, loneliness and self loathing.
I wonder why me? What did I do to deserve this? Nothing, It just happens sometimes, sorry no easy life of self assurance and comfort for you. You get to be afraid. You get to be sad. All the time.
And honestly, that's what I think of being Trans. It freaking sucks. I'm proud of being Trans because I'm going through all that and I still haven't taken a long walk of a short bridge. I'm proud of being Trans because I've been subject to a unique experience and have probably examined myself deeper and more profoundly than most cis people ever will.
But none of that changes the fact that, for me at least (and most I suspect) It is hard, it is unfair and it sucks.
Sorry to vent all over your thread.
I love being trans and wouldn't have it any other way.
It's such an interesting and exciting life experience on so many levels; cis people don't get to really live the different aspects of being treated as both genders, the strength it has taken to step up to the reality of my identity has made me a more rounded, deeper thinking person with a significant increase in confidence from earlier in my life.
It's made it clear that the people I have surrounded myself with throughout life are as completely excellent as I'd previously imagined and, whilst there are always going to be idiots that shout things in the street, overwhelmingly people in general have been wicked, filling me with a sense of the public at large being a fairly decent lot.
Really having to work to figure out my identity has meant I've picked aspects of myself and things that I'd taken for granted about myself apart to get to the core of my being....these stones would've been left unturned had I not been trans and I'm pretty sure I'd not be as happy and balanced a person now as a result.
Yeah, it's been a difficult, weird, isolating rollercoaster, but I wouldn't change it for the world.
I, too, love being trans. Every day, I thank my stars I wasn't a cis male. I do chafe at the fact that I'm not a cis female (especially when I look at my empty inbox on the online dating site I frequent), but I don't think life would have been peaches and cream had I been. My life was the one I was given. I won't get another, so I'm doing my best to savor the one I've got.
I used to have a difficult time being trans but only recently started embracing it. I wanted so badly to be cis. But Stephanie is right. We are inherently unique and societal interest in people like us is currently at its peak. I feel the past year has been great when it comes to social acceptance for trans people. We still have a long way to go, but because there is a huge "PC" movement going on right now, it's become way easier for us.
I feel being trans is why people are drawn to me now. And I love it!
I like the simple life.
Being trans complicates my simple life.
Being trans does keep me grounded - I'd hate to think how much of an egotistical person I'd be if I wasnt.
I hate being trans. If I have to do this again in another life, I will slit my own throat. I'm tired of fighting for everything.
You asked.
The relief at being no longer identified as male is beyond description, but the journey to getting free of that assigned at birth curse has been absolute hell. After 25 years I can honestly say that I'm glad that I'm Trans, but I wouldn't wish the journey on anyone. I remember when my AMAB daughter at age 14 told me she was trans too I wept, not because I had any kind or problem with her being trans, but because I was afraid for her that she was going to suffer the same kind of pain and distress that I'd gone through with my transition. And she did (sigh) and there wasn't a thing I could do about it.
I once told a jeering pack of youths that I hoped that when they had children one of them would be just like me. An unusual kind of curse I know, but I absolutely meant every word of it. It's easy to jeer at someone else when your life hasn't been touched by the same circumstance. Nobody would willingly want to be Trans and nobody 'chooses' to be Trans, but because I am I'm proud and unashamed of being Trans.
There's another Transwoman here in town who is around my own age and like me she transitioned years ago. Just recently we met in the local chemists while waiting for our prescription to be filled. So what did we talk about? - Our aches and pains, what our respective doctors were doing for our various aliments, our concern and worries about our aging parents........ Yeah, - we sounded exactly like a couple of old ciswomen having a chat. I noticed a couple of guys staring our way and I couldn't have cared less. I don't think my friend gave a fig either as what was going on in their tiny minds. It's moments like that when I know the journey was absolutely worth it because I'm completely ME and all the insults, fists and hate and thrown stones weren't enough to stop me.
When I think about myself, I've started to not hate myself 24h a day ever since I started accepting myself and my true gender, and I've learned to be more spontaneous.
That being said, being trans under my current conditions suck. I'm not completely independent yet, and my super-comservative father is doing a lot to kill my self-expression.
That and the 24/7 dysphoria keep making everyday a challenge, and I've been trying very hard not to slip into depression.
The happy messages and posts in this forum, alongside with the support of some precious friends is what gives me hope that I'll be ok.
I hate it. Hate it hate it hate it hate it.
Mostly because I wish I could have a husband and children with him and be a mommy and live a simple life.
I debate going stealth constantly with myself.
I dread the surgeon's knife but I know I have at least two more.
I hate that I couldn't go to a girl's school as a teenager and have that social bond with other women.
And I hate that my BC will laugh at me and always say male.
I really don't mention Trans anything on Facebook on my own status. Some people know but a lot of them don't. I delete posts that mention my Trans status in an obvious way.
In real life I'm a woman with 3 kids. End of story.
What I do have as a woman of transgender experience:
People calling me by all manner of feminine pronouns and references. Even the b word and c word at times.
The ability to be admired by men and envied by some women.
No constant nagging by myself that I am in the wrong body.
The ability to wear (mostly) what I want.
What I don't have:
The ability to get pregnant and bear children. This kills me to the core. To me I don't really see myself as having the full 100% experience as a woman unless I have a uterus. I mean my gender dysphoria is managed to a good degree but it is not 100% gone.
Full social acceptance as a woman. Only if I don't tell people I'm trans do they fully treat me like a woman, fully. So I try not to make it the first thing people know about me.
The ability to have a normal family. Look, some people like being queer, loud and proud. That's great. I love those people. But that is not me. I really don't like the queer label at all. I just want to be done and over with transition so I can get on with my life and try to pick up the pieces.
The ability to be in a relationship with any man I want to. The dating pool is pretty small for me. I mean I get guys interested in me and I genuinely believe they are not trans attracted but I am not ready to date yet and I think that when I disclose most men will run far away. Either that or they will view me with an asterisk... there are encouraging signs like Keanu Reeves rumored to be dating a trans woman etc but I don't really know how it would work out for me.
So yeah that's how it is for me... I can try to live with it but I don't know, honestly.
This may sound weird, but I've never identified as being transsexual (simply as female), although technically from a physical standpoint, that is what I am. Getting to know other individuals who have experienced 'real' transitions makes me aware of my uniqueness in the world. And I am beginning to somewhat understand and embrace that 'trans' word and all it means. Some of the meaning I can identify with and some of it is like a stranger in my life I am curious about. One thing is for certain, if given the choice I would not choose it. What was I thinking going into this body when my soul was being reincarnated. Definitely a note to self moment for next time.
trans bad
I would agree that I don't identify as trans, but at the same time my 55 years of life have been happy, fulfilled, and interesting in ways they probably would not have been if I had not chosen at the age of five to become an explorer in the dimension of gender.
True my explorations ended many decades ago, but the experience I gained has enabled me to live life to the full, and become far greater than I would have been if I had been conventionally female. I probably would never have been entirely orthodox, as almost all of my family have been pioneers in one way or another, but I could easiy have settled for far less than I've had.
Not just one but three fascinating high profile careers with famous organisations.
A relationship that lasted 25 years with another just starting.
Fostering children.
Living in a luxury home, with pool, private cinema, and grounds with electric gates.
Attending college four times and university/medical school three times.
Rubbing shoulders with many movers and shakers of the world.
Most of this I simply would not have thought to pursue, so my journey has consistently taught me one thing. The impossible is only really impossible if you are fool enough to believe that it is! So the smart person always aims higher, and never settles for less.
Hi Stephanie,
My body doesn't match my brain, I despise what society has put me through because of this. I despise the societal norms that says I just can't be me and I have to play my gender role according to certain rules.
I'm transgender with major body and testosterone dysphoria. If I could I would change my body in a second. I don't have a problem being me. I have a real problem with society's view of me.
So basically I hate the idea of gender but have no problem with being transgender.
Does that make any sense?
Paige :)
The short answer is I really wish I wasn't.
I have been struggling with it my whole life and it would have been so much simpler if I was cis.
Maybe my opinion will change on the other side of the bridge but I'm still at the long waiting period of a year to even see the GIC for the first time.
There is something that keeps me going and that is the small pushes to transition socially have really eased dysphoria a bit. I at least have a taste of what it might be like later when I can actually pass.
Maybe once I'm on the other side of transition i might feel proud of it or whatever, but at the moment it seems like a long uphill struggle. i did enter into it with hope because the alternative is worse, but that doesn't make it enjoyable to be this way.
Quote from: Paige on October 21, 2015, 11:30:14 AM
So basically I hate the idea of gender but have no problem with being transgender.
Does that make any sense?
Paige :)
It makes sense to me... If there were less social constructs around gender it would be a lot less stressful for me. socially i think i've always identified as gender neutral (i don't understand the idea of 'male' activities or 'female' activities) and want to continue that way, whereas physically and personally i ID differently. but it's like if you don't want to transition socially (cis) people don't believe you
The joy of discovering my true self is slowly being overshadowed by reality. Overall it's better than the alternative. I totally get the jealousy of cis women. I would give anything to have what you have seems to be on a loop in my brain.
That's an open question as being trans means different things to different people.
When I first realized what it was I had become, I asked myself, "why me? why now?" at least a hundred times a day. At the time I had the love of a woman, thought I was happy but something was missing from my life. Eventually, I discovered what it was through counselling with a good therapist.
The why me stuff continued but has since gone. I have accepted who I am and I'm a lot happier now than I ever was. I no longer grapple with the 2 distinct personalities that had lived inside of my head as I am now at peace inside my head. I wasn't born a woman but she had been there for all of my life, I just didn't know what it was. It explained why I liked the softer, feminine side of things, fashions and preferred female company over males even for conversation.
I did "macho" things to try and keep my female side in check and it was successful until about 2009 when I began to experience severe inner turmoil. Each time I let her out to play, it was more and more difficult to put the genie back in the bottle. My former friends used to see a pretty woman and want to get her into bed, I just wanted to BE her!
Today, I don't have 2 personalities vying to be number one. I am me and I am a woman. The man inside of me has gone and he's never coming back nor would I want to be a man again.
I have surgically changed my body and I feel better looking in a mirror now. I enjoy choosing a day's clothing and accessories to make me look and feel special. I have unlimited freedom to dress as I please, to mix and match clothes that I could not have had as a man.
Is it easy? Hell no! At almost 6 feet, I endure stares, sometimes verbal hostility although rarely. I had one man ask his wife, "Did you see that? What the f*** was that?" That was on board a cruise liner but I do understand he was in his 70's, maybe 80's. At a car show a fellow looked at my chest and joked, "Forget your bra today?" I just said yes and let it go. I find older people seem to have difficulty accepting trans people but I'd never go back! I can't go back.
Being trans isn't for everyone. One has to be certain because coming out makes it so much harder to go back.
My life has changed a lot. The woman I love is my friend now. All long term plans scrapped, friends have abandoned me, some won't even look at me. I was forced to leave a volunteer position I enjoyed due to a disguised voice telling me not to return on my answering machine. If I knew who it was I would have confronted him but better to retreat and fight again another day when you can. I hate running scared from a coward but felt no option. It reminded me of the hell I endured in grade school at the hands of bullies.
Is it all worth it? yes, to me it is. It is my life now and I am more content than ever even considering what it has become.
I am thankful I discovered who I was before it was too late.
Love,
Clare
What do I really think? I thought this would be easier. I never thought people could be so ignorant and cruel. I never though the opinions of others would mean so much to me.
I thought this would make me happy. I thought this would make things better. I thought this would heal my past wounds and fill the hole in my heart. I thought I'd stop thinking of suicide everyday.
I thought wrong.
I still contemplate suicide, because I'm depressed and mentally unhealthy. I'm still unhappy about what I don't have, because I'm a human. I still carry my past wounds, because they've scarred over, and scars don't heal. I still have a hole in my heart because I'm an addict. No amount of love or family or happy living situation can change that.
What do I think about being trans? I think it won't change who you are. I think it changes nothing but your appearance. I may look pretty now, but I'm still ugly on the inside.
What do I think? I think it's worth it. After everything, and even though I have all my same problems, I at least like the way I look. Everytime I see the stares, or overhear the comments, I have a voice, a woman's voice, loud and defiant in my head screaming "You didn't do this for them, honey!"
Transition doesn't change much. It can be the shove you need to switch which societal team you play for, but it's still up to you to make the life you want for yourself
It is not for everyone. It takes grace, courage and a strong mind to be trans. Yes, after a year of HRT I am still doubting my decision to transition and there's no day where I'm pondering to stop it all together.
Honestly? It sucks. All I want is a simple life, but my karma keeps throwing complications at me. And being trans is one big complication. It doesn't help that all this stuff is buried under decades of brainwashing and cis-training, and I have to dig to unearth it. And even then, I have to check each piece of evidence to see it it is the real me or some delusion.
If I make it out the other side still sane, it will be a sweet victory, but in the meantime...whew!
Blah blah blah, wisdom and perspective and knowledge of gender that is so unique, cis people can never hope to understand it.
I have no doubts or regrets and most of my unhappiness is unrelated to gender.
However, being trans is one of the few things that i would wish on all my enemies as the old saying goes.
......
......
......
But yeah, it sucks.
it blows......
Quote from: iKate on October 21, 2015, 07:48:27 AM
I hate it. Hate it hate it hate it hate it.
Mostly because I wish I could have a husband and children with him and be a mommy and live a simple life.
I debate going stealth constantly with myself.
I dread the surgeon's knife but I know I have at least two more.
I hate that I couldn't go to a girl's school as a teenager and have that social bond with other women.
And I hate that my BC will laugh at me and always say male.
I really don't mention Trans anything on Facebook on my own status. Some people know but a lot of them don't. I delete posts that mention my Trans status in an obvious way.
In real life I'm a woman with 3 kids. End of story.
What I do have as a woman of transgender experience:
People calling me by all manner of feminine pronouns and references. Even the b word and c word at times.
The ability to be admired by men and envied by some women.
No constant nagging by myself that I am in the wrong body.
The ability to wear (mostly) what I want.
What I don't have:
The ability to get pregnant and bear children. This kills me to the core. To me I don't really see myself as having the full 100% experience as a woman unless I have a uterus. I mean my gender dysphoria is managed to a good degree but it is not 100% gone.
Full social acceptance as a woman. Only if I don't tell people I'm trans do they fully treat me like a woman, fully. So I try not to make it the first thing people know about me.
The ability to have a normal family. Look, some people like being queer, loud and proud. That's great. I love those people. But that is not me. I really don't like the queer label at all. I just want to be done and over with transition so I can get on with my life and try to pick up the pieces.
The ability to be in a relationship with any man I want to. The dating pool is pretty small for me. I mean I get guys interested in me and I genuinely believe they are not trans attracted but I am not ready to date yet and I think that when I disclose most men will run far away. Either that or they will view me with an asterisk... there are encouraging signs like Keanu Reeves rumored to be dating a trans woman etc but I don't really know how it would work out for me.
So yeah that's how it is for me... I can try to live with it but I don't know, honestly.
Mostly, I feel the same way.
Being trans is complete bs. Gender goes to the level of a spiritual or religious experience. To be trans is to be soul sick.
Hate it. I would rather be a cis man than a trans woman.
A tormented existence that has caused me mental anguish, time fighting my inner demons, lots of money, legal changes and headaches, physical punishment on a barbaric level of medication, surgeries, and electronic hair removal. Yeah, what's not to like? :icon_punch:
Plus now that I have been thrust into womanhood, I now experience guys staring at me, bittersweet I guess. I seem to have the look that they like. Although on the bright side, people are way nicer to me now that I look like an innocent young woman rather than a miltant hoodlum. But yes there is a bright side. After my first phase of FFS things magically changed from being just OK to having an overwhelming sense of peace.
But I'll tell ya what, trans people are some of the toughest goddamn individuals I have ever met. Who else has their skulls ground down (me), throats sliced (me), chests flattened, genitals reworked, just to have that peace? There's a price to being trans, some pay more than others though.
It is the most interesting thing about me.
Surviving it is my proudest acomplishment.
Thriving in spite of it is the blessing I am most thankful for in this life.
I can't be intimidated because I look everybody I meet straight in the eye and realize they could never have survived what I did.
Losing almost everything taught me I need nothing from anybody.
Getting most of it back showed me that hope against impossible odds is not futile.
I am lucky. I know it. I take time every day to acknowledge and be thankful for the immense privileges that have allowed my to life turn out this way. I think a lot these days about how I can make it easier for people that have been burdened with this thing that almost broke me. I see so much misery in this thread and I know I can't fix it, but I want to know how I can make it better.
ditto
Right now, Being Trans, or a better way to put it, wanting TO become trans, has opened my eyes in a lot of ways to becoming more comfortable to myself, in mind at least. Physically I've noticed I'm critiquing myself to every single fault, and I never realised how much I hate it all.
I'm unlucky to live in a small city with not much support structure, so what I thought would be easy to start slipping in to has become more of a fruitless search.
The thing I'm most scared of is how other people will percieve me, especially those I love most. I think being transgender is going to hurt for awhile, until the dust settles
It feels great that I can be myself, even if I can't be all of the time. Without knowing it for years, suppressing that side of me made me very unhappy (though it's definitely not the only source of my anxiety) and it's not surprising I felt much more confident when I came out to myself.
On the flipside, society has a patently ->-bleeped-<-ty way of treating people like us. It seems to be getting better, but there's a long way to go and sometimes peoples cruelty gets to me.
Quote from: Paige on October 21, 2015, 11:30:14 AM
Hi Stephanie,
My body doesn't match my brain, I despise what society has put me through because of this. I despise the societal norms that says I just can't be me and I have to play my gender role according to certain rules.
I'm transgender with major body and testosterone dysphoria. If I could I would change my body in a second. I don't have a problem being me. I have a real problem with society's view of me.
So basically I hate the idea of gender but have no problem with being transgender.
Does that make any sense?
Paige :)
I have to agree
"Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because transgender!"
Essentially, the whole notion of being trans is a punchline in my world. I find it more amusing than good/bad.
Also, not trying to be all Freudian up in this thread, but I believe the people who 'hate' being trans would find some fault in themselves anyway, and the people who 'love' being trans are carefree, happy individuals regardless. Loving yourself (especially being trans!) is a full-time job, folks.
Good thread as always, Ms. Stephanie!
Most of the time I don't really see anything that great about being trans. It can be expensive, painful, scary, and tiring. And after all the suffering and effort you put in to being brave and living your truth someone will slip up with your pronouns and you suspect that no one really sees you as you see yourself anyway.
That being said being trans is a million times better than pretending to be a gender that you aren't. There is great freedom and liberation in casting away the gendered roles and definitions society has given you and just being yourself, that is the best. Seeing my body change makes me happy, being able to wear a new dress down the street makes my heart skip a beat.
Whether you're cis or trans we all have suffering and obstacles to overcome. Everyone has baggage and struggles. Maybe none of it is good or bad. It's just stuff that can break us or help us to grow. Idk.
All my life I saw it as a curse, I saw my body as a curse, I saw my brain damage as a curse, I saw the lies my family told be as a curse. I had been diagnosed since I was 7, but my family tried so hard to FIX me, to HEAL me, but there was no healing that could be done, I knew I could transition and have surgery by the age of 10, but back then they only talked about adults so I thought I had to try and survive until I was 18. And as the years came by and my parents tried to fix me more and more and I learned how much they had lied to me, how many secrets they had kept from me, I felt cursed, isolated, unloved.
When I came out of the closet for the final time when I was 18, their torture and abuse rose to new heights. It made me ashamed of being trans, it made me feel cursed and inherently a bad person for being trans, but transition was the only way to survive and when even the trans community turned on me they pushed me in the arms of Truescums and I became Queen Bee of the Truescums for many years.
I was so deeply stealth that I forgot to love myself, forgot to accept myself, feel pride for myself. Being trans was something that had to be kept secret, for the World would never love me, they'd abuse me, try to kill me, hate me, not give me equal chances in life. Being trans was a curse and no one was ever allowed to know about it.
But ever since I live in Brisbane (I'm 27 now) and started going out in Gay clubs and some of my new best friends are Drag Queens, they've taught me to love myself, to have pride about myself, to be happy about everything I achieved in life. I even walked in the Brisbane Gay Parade with a trans pride flag. Being Trans isn't a curse anymore, it's not something bad anymore, it's not something I have to hide at all times anymore. I am beautiful, my body is beautiful, my personality is beautiful and I deserve to be and to be loved and people do love me, not because I'm cis, not because I'm trans, but because I am who I am.
Life is music and all we need to do is dance xxx
I embrace being trans. My male life was full of pain trauma and addiction. My journey started 7 years ago when I got sober. I thought that was the answer but it just let me feel my feelings for the first time. So jump ahead to 1 year ago I opened up about one of the traumas in my life and that lead to the admitting who I was. While being transsexual isn't easy I've been through worse so I know I can make it. Plus its making me admit to parts of my person that have kept me stuck and is making me fix them. So I not only get to be the real me but a better me. So that's why I choose to embrace it.
Each day is bringing new joys about being trans. Today I was in the coffee shop I go to and this older woman who I only know from seeing her at the coffee place , but never have talked to her referred to me as a woman even though she's seen me long before transitioning.
I used to think it was something to be celebrated, but now I realize it's a medical condition, unlike for example being gay. I'm sure one day medical science will have a better treatment, and flip some switch in the brain to help it match the gender of your chromosomes and body. But for now, seriously, who would wish to be trans?
Quote from: mfox on October 22, 2015, 11:55:53 AM
I used to think it was something to be celebrated, but now I realize it's a medical condition, unlike for example being gay. I'm sure one day medical science will have a better treatment, and flip some switch in the brain to help it match the gender of your chromosomes and body.
I'm very afraid of that since I would make a horrible man any way you take it.
What do I think about being trans? Well, I don't think about it very much. Many times when I'm here on the board, I am forced to think about it but don't really distill it to my own life unless I bring up some painful memory.
I don't intend on having any more relationships. I think the single life is best for me with my new puppy. So, I don't have to worry about that.
I have wonderful supportive friends. When I publicly came out last week, I told them all before my FB announcement at a special breakfast and they said, almost in unison, "So?"
In the beginning, I wanted nothing but a nice quiet stealth life. Now, I suppose I'm on the opposite end of that sentiment. Do I like it? Not really. Does it hurt? Not really. Life is what it is now and I am grateful for every new day.
I am thrilled to see so many young adults come out on Youtube. I'm amazed at their audacity and lack of concern for the consequences we all face. But that is exactly what we need. Exposure of the positive. As people get to know us, we shall become a non threat. And we will be loved/liked/admired for who we are, not what we are.
So, that's what I think.
Quote from: mfox on October 22, 2015, 11:55:53 AM
I used to think it was something to be celebrated, but now I realize it's a medical condition, unlike for example being gay. I'm sure one day medical science will have a better treatment, and flip some switch in the brain to help it match the gender of your chromosomes and body. But for now, seriously, who would wish to be trans?
I think your'e very much in the right area. I don't understand gender fully, but I definitely feel it's more of a medical condition. In fact, going along the lines of what you're saying, I used to get SOOOOOO upset because I couldn't be a boy. I was so different to the other boys and when I reached puberty I just wanted to be a man. I used to observe other guys a lot of the time to try and mimic their behaviour - much of my teen years was spent doing that and writing in my diary to understand them. At the time I'd never realised I was female, I was soleyl focused on the fact of how defected I was. Then when for the first time I saw someone transgender I knew they were like me on the inside and it hit me like a pang of guilt. It was like I knew the truth all the time, but suddenly I was aware at that moment and I knew it. Thus I began my journey...
Quote from: Cindi Jones on October 22, 2015, 12:28:47 PM
What do I think about being trans? Well, I don't think about it very much. Many times when I'm here on the board, I am forced to think about it but don't really distill it to my own life unless I bring up some painful memory.
I don't intend on having any more relationships. I think the single life is best for me with my new puppy. So, I don't have to worry about that.
I have wonderful supportive friends. When I publicly came out last week, I told them all before my FB announcement at a special breakfast and they said, almost in unison, "So?"
In the beginning, I wanted nothing but a nice quiet stealth life. Now, I suppose I'm on the opposite end of that sentiment. Do I like it? Not really. Does it hurt? Not really. Life is what it is now and I am grateful for every new day.
I am thrilled to see so many young adults come out on Youtube. I'm amazed at their audacity and lack of concern for the consequences we all face. But that is exactly what we need. Exposure of the positive. As people get to know us, we shall become a non threat. And we will be loved/liked/admired for who we are, not what we are.
So, that's what I think.
One week ago you came out publicly? Wow...u look like you've been living trans for yearrrrs. Even if you have and you mean you just told your friends, hurrah! I hope you celebrated :)
Having socially and medically transitioned I dont really give the idea of being trans much thought.I think we're all what we identify as so I could see some folk having a very strong trans identity or a queer identityThats not me..This forum is my only link with the trans community and it does through some thought provoking questions out which is really great..Mostly I'm just getting on with my day to day life and facing the same problems,oppressions etc. that are part of being a woman in the world-albeit one who accepts she has a degree of privilege due to education,job,skin colour etc.Those things affect my life more directly than having a trans history. Would I have been happier not being trans.I have no idea.From my perspective as a woman then even with it's percieved social advantages I really wouldnt want to be male.But do I say that from the awareness of what it was like trying to be male and really not getting it.I really dont know.It's a sort of Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle for gender!Maybe the most honest answer is that I like who I am now,I'm a better,more open person but that getting here was hard,that there was a cost but that cost was sooo worth paying.
Quote from: mfox on October 22, 2015, 11:55:53 AM
I used to think it was something to be celebrated, but now I realize it's a medical condition, unlike for example being gay. I'm sure one day medical science will have a better treatment, and flip some switch in the brain to help it match the gender of your chromosomes and body. But for now, seriously, who would wish to be trans?
At my 16 when I learned that me being transsexual is because of my brain damage I asked myself this very important question: "If there'd be a pill to cure me of my transsexuality, would I take it?" and the answer is simple: "NO", because this person, with her brain damage, this beautiful cheerful girl that enjoys life and backpacks around the World and does so many amazing things and has experienced so many amazing things, deserves to live. That guy that would be born if that pill exists might have the same memories, but he isn't that girl, and that girl is already alive, and she deserves to live <3 <3 <3
Honestly?
Next step decision will be suicide for me.
Quote from: galaxy on October 22, 2015, 06:48:13 PM
Honestly?
Next step decision will be suicide for me.
That really really sucks. I'm sorry.
All I can say is that you're most likely a wonderful person and you deserve to be around. Being trans isn't so bad that you should die. And you should distract yourself with all the other beautiful things around you. My inbox is always open if you need a friend <3
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Quote from: kitten_lover on October 22, 2015, 12:46:24 PM
I think your'e very much in the right area. I don't understand gender fully, but I definitely feel it's more of a medical condition. In fact, going along the lines of what you're saying, I used to get SOOOOOO upset because I couldn't be a boy. I was so different to the other boys and when I reached puberty I just wanted to be a man. I used to observe other guys a lot of the time to try and mimic their behaviour - much of my teen years was spent doing that and writing in my diary to understand them. At the time I'd never realised I was female, I was soleyl focused on the fact of how defected I was. Then when for the first time I saw someone transgender I knew they were like me on the inside and it hit me like a pang of guilt. It was like I knew the truth all the time, but suddenly I was aware at that moment and I knew it. Thus I began my journey...
I'm pretty much in the same boat but met someone who is trans when I was still still in primary school and went... Oooh so that explains a lot. I was quite envious of guys and how they acted yet when I done the same things, it felt weird and inconsistent.
I suppose that being trans and being alive is better than being who I once pretended to be and on the way to a date with a pine box.
Being trans comes with a steep price tag. There are the medical expenses and the associated indignities we have to go through, there is society's judgment of us, and there are the people that walk away from us. There is condemnation from many religious organizations, and persecutions from the bigoted politicians that try to push through laws to legislate us out of existence or regulate where we pee. There is the implied association between being trans and being a child molester or a pervert. There is society's pressure upon those that don't pass well.... and so on.
All of these things are hard. No one would "choose" this for themselves.
There are some good things too. Having lived as both genders gives us a very unique perspective on people and of things. Dealing with the stuff above makes us more empathetic toward the problems that others are dealing with. My own faith has been deepened by the challenges and the losses I have faced gong through this.
Currently we are in a golden age where people are curious about us and great strides are being made toward acceptance of us. This has been made possible by the brave trans people that came before us such as Silvia Rivera and Marsha P. Johnson. The stigma has lessened but there is still plenty left.
You know, it's the only life i'm going to have so I choose to make the best of it in spite of the difficulties. Transition is a hard road and even though I survived the process it changed a lot of things about me. I think it put me in the best place I could have gotten to considering the circumstances.
C'est la vie :)
Quote from: kitten_lover on October 22, 2015, 12:49:37 PM
One week ago you came out publicly? Wow...u look like you've been living trans for yearrrrs. Even if you have and you mean you just told your friends, hurrah! I hope you celebrated :)
This +1. Wow, - I thought you'd been out forever Cindi :D
Quote from: mfox on October 22, 2015, 11:55:53 AM
I used to think it was something to be celebrated, but now I realize it's a medical condition, unlike for example being gay. I'm sure one day medical science will have a better treatment, and flip some switch in the brain to help it match the gender of your chromosomes and body. But for now, seriously, who would wish to be trans?
The thought of that happening is absolutely terrifying for me :o :eusa_hand:
Yeah, as much as being trans is kind of a lifelong pain the thought of someone tinkering with my brain to erase me is a horrifying thought.
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Being trans sucks. I would wish it on my own worst enemy, because I'm just that petty and mean.
Dysphoria sucks. Transphobia sucks. Pretty much everything about it is crap. The only benefits are the same you could get by any other awful life circumstance: community, perspective, strength — maybe some of those, if you're lucky. It's not the worst thing in the world, not by a long shot, but everything about it is at least a little bit awful.
Transitioning, on the other hand, is fantastic: It makes being trans suck about 1000 times less.
My biggest problem with being trans was to be found out. Grade school , high school , college and work. It really doesn't matter to me anymore and I really like when someone asks what pronouns I prefer. It was quite funny today at the hospital when I had to say my name because it hasn't been legally changed .they seemed a little surprised when I say a male name.
Doubt i will ever come out and just stick to dressing androgynously, living in a first world asian nation, and being 5"9 i am taller than most men in my country.
Honestly?!! A CURSE! AN ABOMINATION!! A HASSLE!!!
Quote from: galaxy on October 22, 2015, 06:48:13 PM
Honestly?
Next step decision will be suicide for me.
Trans Lifeline can be reached at 877-565-8860. For LGBT youth (ages 24 and younger) contemplating suicide, the Trevor Project Lifeline can be reached at 1-866-7386. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 can also be reached 24 hours a day by people of all ages and identities.
An expensive joke I can't afford and it's not even funny either
I hated being trans until I accepted it and began transition. Now I have wholeheartedly embraced it and love it. When I get to fill in my own gender on a form now I always put trans woman. I am finally free! If I had a chance to change anything in my life, I wouldn't. If I get another go at being human after this trip through life and I get to pick my gender I will ask for trans again. I have learned so much in life because of who I am and what I have been through. I can't wait to find out what I will learn next.
Transness is truly a gift and a blessing, and lest we forget most true blessings can feel like a curse at first.
To paraphrase Jen Richards...me happy trans! :) !
I love it! I mean all the nights of despair and suffering, all the days of seeing cis-girls walking down the street and dying with jealously, all the years of wishing I could play with Barbies, faeries and pink things, well it has all culminated in the most outrageously, sublimely and beautiful experience one could ever go through... to be able to turn around the ultimate gender dichotomy is the greatest privilege I could have ever had bestowed upon me. If only the Christian God was real so that I could one day tell Him how wrong he was about the virtues of being trans.
Quote from: mfox on October 22, 2015, 11:55:53 AM
I used to think it was something to be celebrated, but now I realize it's a medical condition, unlike for example being gay. I'm sure one day medical science will have a better treatment, and flip some switch in the brain to help it match the gender of your chromosomes and body. But for now, seriously, who would wish to be trans?
'cause that won't be abused haha
i know that's not what you meant but it just makes me think of the use of prefrontal lobotomies as a cure for depression ._. scary
I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy... Even terrorists, Hitler and Putin doesn't deserve to be it. It's very unfair and just hard. I doesn't see any advantages being transgender. It's just something you're born into against your will.
I have enough problem. I'm very sensitive at smells. So I can notice smells easier and react at them. So perfume, sweating etc. at school is something I experience everyday. And people using my sexuality as swearing is another problem. They shout the f and g-word everywhere. :/ And I belong to a couple of minority... so being trans' make it just worse.
Quote from: Kellam on October 23, 2015, 09:11:11 AM
I hated being trans until I accepted it and began transition. Now I have wholeheartedly embraced it and love it. When I get to fill in my own gender on a form now I always put trans woman. I am finally free! If I had a chance to change anything in my life, I wouldn't. If I get another go at being human after this trip through life and I get to pick my gender I will ask for trans again. I have learned so much in life because of who I am and what I have been through. I can't wait to find out what I will learn next.
Transness is truly a gift and a blessing, and lest we forget most true blessings can feel like a curse at first.
To paraphrase Jen Richards...me happy trans! :) !
That's very inspirational, thanks.
Whilst it's very easy to get fixated on the major things that trans prevents us from doing and having - we have to remember the joy, in coming out, in living our lives, what we've learned about ourselves, that we are free - although it feels like we are trapped. We are free, and we wouldn't dissuade people from transitioning, because we know the true freedom that you get from it - if you are the gender inside which isn't congruent with what your born with.
Thanks for your message today :)
Quote from: Swayallday on October 23, 2015, 01:35:34 AM
An expensive joke I can't afford and it's not even funny either
Off topic - where is your profile picture from? I really love it.
Quote from: kitten_lover on October 23, 2015, 12:17:48 PM
Off topic - where is your profile picture from? I really love it.
wallpaperswa.com/thumbnails/detail/20140331/gunnm%20battle%20angel%20alita_wallpaperswa.com_29.jpg
Being transgender has been true for my entire life but is not something I could fully accept until about 3 years ago. Being trans has helped me to make sense of my past and choose a better future by embracing this basic truth and transitioning.
Being trans and living a closeted, repressed and hopeless existence, relative to that truth, was slowly killing me. Being trans and transitioning has been a dream come true vs the nightmares, I imagined, that were mostly unfounded.
Being trans is unique for each of us and allows us insights to gender, sexuality and culture few will ever experience or understand. And yes, being trans with or without self acceptance can extract costs we are wise to consider.
Being trans is simply the truth and the truth can set us free.
For me. its a fluid and a evolving answer...
I started this journey recently after 40 years of struggling.. At the beginning I was filled with major self hatred and would have given anything to not be Trans..
Now, after 6 months of hormones, a good therapists, and a surprising amount of supportive people ( to be fair, I define anybody who doesn't spray me with mace as supportive ), I am almost Proud to call myself Trans.. its getting there.
I think trans fits well because I really don't think I am a woman, But I definitely don't think I am a male..
Time will tell how it will all shake out.
But I am happier now than I have been in a long time.. So I think I will proudly call myself a Transwoman..
Quote from: kitten_lover on October 23, 2015, 12:13:26 PM
Whilst it's very easy to get fixated on the major things that trans prevents us from doing and having....
I don't think being trans prevents anyone doing or having anything. I think that if people feel that it will prevent them doing the things they want to do then they aren't going to be able to do them.
As with most things in life, it's about the attitude people have towards the situation they find themselves in. We make our own reality, so if we expect limitations then we'll find them. Granted, being trans does sometimes take over a bit and can cause emotional lows that make functioning in society a bit more of a challenge than it would for a cis person (maybe....I don't really have any experience of being cis, which undoubtedly comes with it's own issues!), but in itself it doesn't prevent an individual from doing what they want.
I still go to the places I did when I was presenting in my assigned gender and still do the things I used to do....these things include running half marathons, going to the same job, attending and occasionally playing at underground raves and free/squat parties, going out for food, shopping, festivals, taking the car to the mechanic, literally everything I want or need to do.
Admittedly, there are some places where I get a few looks and
very occasionally there will be someone mouthing off, but these things aren't my issues, they're the problem of the other person and I don't let it concern me....it's only by allowing it in does it become my reality. And I don't want that sort of nonsense in my life.
I don't know I'm having a lot of fun with it. Growing up it was hell. Living in denial was hell. Coming out and being me has been like riding on sunbeams across the sky. I met a waitress a couple of weeks ago when she started working at the restaurant I go to. I told her about me being trans and she totally accepted me. She's got a boyfriend that's trying to figure out where he fits under the umbrella and another friend who's trying to figure out if he's MTF or CD.
I love it how the word 'free' repeats all over the posts. <3
Free. Free to live a life full of depth, complexity and meaning.
For me, I just started on this journey, per se. But ordinary things such as enjoying a cup of tea with your special one, or just staring at the sunset through the window, suddenly turn into fabulous experiences.
Living the dreammmmmmm. Lol.
Clara.
Quote from: Ⓥ on October 22, 2015, 04:08:17 AM
"Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because transgender!"
Essentially, the whole notion of being trans is a punchline in my world. I find it more amusing than good/bad.
Also, not trying to be all Freudian up in this thread, but I believe the people who 'hate' being trans would find some fault in themselves anyway, and the people who 'love' being trans are carefree, happy individuals regardless. Loving yourself (especially being trans!) is a full-time job, folks.
Good thread as always, Ms. Stephanie!
I disagree. Being trans is one of 2 sucky things about my life. I live life on the road as an over the road truck driver. I'm happy where I am :)
Quote from: Ⓥ on October 22, 2015, 04:08:17 AM
Also, not trying to be all Freudian up in this thread, but I believe the people who 'hate' being trans would find some fault in themselves anyway, and the people who 'love' being trans are carefree, happy individuals regardless.
Totally disagree. I don't hate or even dislike myself. As a guy, I did pretty well in all departments. Being trans put a huge damper on things. Although I have to admit that how I feel about being trans varies from day to day.
Quote from: Rainbow Dash on October 25, 2015, 03:32:04 AM
I disagree.
Quote from: Autumnleaf on October 25, 2015, 06:04:33 AM
Totally disagree.
I certainly understand your disagreement! My wording wasn't the greatest!
Like, I myself am not too thrilled about not being able to have kids, limiting the dating pool by a large margin (or deal exclusively with ->-bleeped-<-s), taking meds till I'm dead to feel normal, the money of multiple surgeries, having to justify my existence to the religious minded and such, etc.. etc.. etc.. on and on. No one in their right mind would
love this aspect of being trans. So perhaps you guys are saying that you can hate this, but still love yourself?? I agree with you if that's it.
So, obviously for me (and most of us I think), being trans is far from optimal, but that doesn't make me a self-loathing b*tch now. I was happy pre, I'm happy now, and quite positive I'll be happy post and I'm okay with being trans BECAUSE I'm happy no matter what.
So check it out, here's an analogy: Replace -trans- with something the majority of people wouldn't be happy with, say, -no thumbs-
Would life be easier being cis? Yes
Would life be easier with thumbs? Yes
Would anyone truly
want to be trans, given a choice? Probably not
Would anyone truly
want to have no thumbs, given a choice? Probably not
I still believe a positive, happy person put in the situation of having no thumbs would always PREFER to have thumbs, but they'll be okay with not having thumbs and still love themselves. Happy people will make the best of their situation; that's what they do! This is what I meant when people who love being trans are probably happy people in general.
A sad, self-loathing person would probably curse God and wish to die if they didn't have thumbs and blame most of their problems on only having eight fingers, but would probably still be a sad, self-loathing person even if they did indeed have their thumbs and find some other fault in themselves regardless, because nothing will make them happy!
I mean, I've seen a good chunk of stories both here and on /r/asktransgender of sad people who stay sad, even during or after transition. They still find fault in themselves and their lives :(
I guess this is what I was going for in my OP. I'm so sorry if I over-generalized!
Quote from: Ⓥ on October 25, 2015, 07:47:36 AM. So perhaps you guys are saying that you can hate this, but still love yourself??
And that sums it up perfectly. You are what you are and what you have always been. Once you accept and love who you are then the rest just follows no matter what path that might take.
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I was in so much pain, denial, self loathing, wondering why I felt so compelled to be the way I was then finally realized its just who I am and moved on.
QuoteSo honestly let it all out, what do you really think about being trans?
Together with many other things, it is a part of who and what I am.
It offers me opportunities and creates challenges, it makes me contemplate life, society, gender, sex, happiness, purpose, duty, freedom, limits, friendship and love.
Being trans has given me both the chance and the responsibility to choose between extremely different paths, to make decisions with huge consequences.
It has made me find my willpower and realize that I can overcome seemingly insurmountable adversity.
I have found a happiness through my new life and my new body that is unknown to cis people who just take it for granted.
Quote from: BunnyBee on October 23, 2015, 12:36:23 AM
Trans Lifeline can be reached at 877-565-8860. For LGBT youth (ages 24 and younger) contemplating suicide, the Trevor Project Lifeline can be reached at 1-866-7386. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 can also be reached 24 hours a day by people of all ages and identities.
I didnt say that i want jump from the roof right now. But sucide would be sometime a logical future step to me. I need an FFS but dont have the money. I need a hair transplant too. Even with saving money i will need years. It all makes no sense to me. I lost so much friends, my band, my partner ... HRT failed ... i lost more then i won.
Sorry you feel so much hopelessness , I wish I had answers , But I don't . I was lucky in that I've gotten to a better place. I wish my breasts were bigger, my face was more feminine , my hips were bigger, etc. I don't have any money either and live basically on the threshold of poverty. I am lucky though that my breasts have grown a bit and my face has changed even though I wish it were a lot more. The thing is my mental state is so much better. I so remember one day back around 1970 I was sitting next to a girl I knew and she pulled out her estrogen pills and I thought about grabbing them and running Its probably part of why I'm happy just being on estrogen because it took so long to get here. I really hope you can find a way to be happy.
QuoteQuoteSo honestly let it all out, what do you really think about being trans?
Together with many other things, it is a part of who and what I am.
It offers me opportunities and creates challenges, it makes me contemplate life, society, gender, sex, happiness, purpose, duty, freedom, limits, friendship and love.
Being trans has given me both the chance and the responsibility to choose between extremely different paths, to make decisions with huge consequences.
It has made me find my willpower and realize that I can overcome seemingly insurmountable adversity.
I have found a happiness through my new life and my new body that is unknown to cis people who just take it for granted.
Magically changing me so that I would never have been trans would take all that away from me, and I would not exist as the person I am.
There was and still is much pain and grief in my life, but I would not change a single thing.
the only thing I regret is not transitioning in 1st grade.
I wish I could have transitioned before puberty but I couldn't. That would have been a whole other life. Would it have been better or worse? I don't know. I can imagine it being either way.
But other than the passing thought I don't dwell on that. It's an unknown past that cannot be recovered. And other than the dysphoria.my life has been pretty good. I have done things and been places most others only dream of.
My therapist asked how I would feel about a male past if I transitioned. I replied I would feel about it just as I feel about it now. It's mine, not to be forgotten or hidden away. All of those things in life contribute to who I am just as much as the ever present dysphoria. So, I am me, unique and unlike anyone else. :-)
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Quote from: stephaniec on October 25, 2015, 02:32:15 PM
Sorry you feel so much hopelessness , I wish I had answers , But I don't . I was lucky in that I've gotten to a better place. I wish my breasts were bigger, my face was more feminine , my hips were bigger, etc. I don't have any money either and live basically on the threshold of poverty. I am lucky though that my breasts have grown a bit and my face has changed even though I wish it were a lot more. The thing is my mental state is so much better. I so remember one day back around 1970 I was sitting next to a girl I knew and she pulled out her estrogen pills and I thought about grabbing them and running Its probably part of why I'm happy just being on estrogen because it took so long to get here. I really hope you can find a way to be happy.
I had SRS now and the left hope was gone with that. Not because the result - its excellent, whenever a painfull experience until 2 month postOP for now - but i hoped the get a better hormone status after that. In summary i need CPA (Androcur) like the years before. Thats really hard - maybe ive to take that poison for a lifetime. I'm really angry about the whole body development. Sometimes it makes me more angry, and more angry. I had 3 surgeries and hate my body. It makes no sense to me at all to. Ive a ship - and my transsexuality is directing it against the next iceberg.