I was viewing a tape about a trans girl showing her vagina to a gay guy. It was two people that had two different YouTube shows and she was showing his reaction to seeing her created vagina. The thing is she's very pretty and her body , face and voice are beautiful. I was watching and started going into my normal mental routine of getting mad at myself for taking so long to find the path to transitioning. Then while that is going on in my mind the other things start creeping in . Things like never being able to look as good or sound as good. I mean I'm happy that I'm doing this , but darn, looking at these girls makes you go insane. Then for me the added curse is my time left to be myself on this planet. It's like 1 step forward then 1 step backward. Do you let other transitions affect you or do you have the ability to ignore and move on.
I try to find inspiration in everyone's stories. I have loved watching your changing profile picture over this past year. You are so beautiful and seem to be so free and happy, you also ask so many interesting and deep questions. They and the responses they elicit have helped me along my path. There is no hope in what could have been, but so long as there is a future there is a possibility for joy in being.
" Wow , thanks so much. I really am thankful for the kind words. I really love helping in any way I can. The thing though is that if it wasn't for Susan and her great Idea I'd be floundering in a sea of confusion. This place has helped me in countless ways ." -stephaniec
Yeah, I definitely washed up on these shores last February scared and alone. Y'all welcomed me in and helped me from the get go. I meant every word, although our posts seem to have merged, that kinda makes sense. I wasn't just being kind, that was honesty.
Thank you so much , I really truly appreciate it. I love helping when I can. I think the big thumbs up goes to Susan for this great idea she created. Susan has given me a much needed platform to help in a small way and I thank her for that Plus I would of been wandering in solitude if I hadn't found this place.
Knowing that I had the chance to fully transition when I was 24 and didn't until another 24 years went past I try to avoid any opportunity to throw myself a pity party, that includes comparing myself to other transwomen.
I think I made of boo boo.
Quote from: stephaniec on November 29, 2015, 11:30:48 PM
I think I made of boo boo.
I was trying to figure out how that happened!? I tried to make it clearer... :laugh:
It might have something to do with the void between universes
Yay! Reaching into the void and finding a friendly hand. ;)
I avoid it, at this time it deepens the GD with a factorial growth.
The causes are on my end. The root cause is that I am going to be held for year(s) before I get into HRT, let alone surgeries. All I want is a fair shot to develop my own beauty and I don't have that privilege. It is the system here that makes it incredibly slow.
If I had a humane access to HRT and other treatment to know I am getting all help that is available, I wouldn't mind. Once I get HRT, I won't celebrate. Everything about health care for transgenders here has a very bitter taste.
What if I had?
Is a statement I hear often from my patients. What if I hadn't worked asbestos, what if I hadn't smoked, what if I hadn't etc etc. Would I still have contracted cancer?
No idea.
What I do know is that what if doesn't change the past or help with the present or the future.
What if Stephanie had transitioned at an early age and lived her wonderful life?
I would not have met her. She would not have helped all the people on the Forum she has helped. She would not have inspired another person to take a step to change their life.
She would not be receiving this post!!
Love you Honey.
Don't worry about what if, think instead of;
I'm alive, I have friends who love me, I am a really important person who has done a lot of good in her life.
Cindy
Thanks Cindy, I had a wonderful experience last Friday. A member of Susan's from California was visiting her girl friends parents and made it a point of treating me to lunch. First real live person from Susan's I ever met and it was great. If it wasn't for me transitioning now I would of never searched for a place like this and am totally grateful for all the wonderful people I never would of known.
Nothing makes me hate myself more than seeing a trans woman who is completely unquestionably cisnormative in voice and appearance, having the unchanged voice and cute childish facial features that I've always longed for so much.
Where people comment on her videos and are like "you're TRANS? What?" People who never have to worry about being "passable" or not, never have to question whether people see them as a woman or not, they simply are, and can enjoy their lives body-dysphoria-free.
I'm so sick of having to deal with that particular mental battle, and I'm overwhelmed with jealousy when I see someone who doesn't.
Honestly... I do not feel envy for cisgender women. I feel pity and miserable for myself but theres no point in hating people who have never done anything to me.
I cant get inspired by something someone was born with; beauty. Maybe thats why I idolize Marilyn Monroe because shes all hocus pocus and make up tricks and illusions and smoke mirrors. Maybe its her tragic tale? Maybe its because she never found love... And all she wanted was to be a housewife and have babies... I dont know.
I had a pity-party-make-myself-happy weekend. I binge, felt like crap, vodka, salty bloody mary, suicide thoughts pop in, and now the bloated truth is in the mirror. I look at myself really well.... Well...
Im not going there right now. Maybe after the bloat.
Im alive... And thats about I can do right now.
....
It does no good to compare yourself to other women. Even cisgender beautiful women deal with this.... Theres always a new better younger version.
I feel like we got an ugly hand dealt at life... But its no different than cancer victims or other suffering people....
Oh yes, I'm a big bowl of giggling jelly, lol. I got a wig recently in the mail, and it is very nice, but I look more like Kevin Sorbo in it than a cute girl, lol.
So yeah, I get a lot of fear, and worry that is hugely demotivating. Those perfect transgirls though, almost certainly don't see themselves that way, and also have worries, and often only see what they think to be their flaws when they look in a mirror too. They almost always (I think) aren't as sure of themselves as I am sure of them when I look at them.
I don't care though, nearly as much, about being seen as the hottest girl in the world, as I am about just being seen as a girl.
I have some good qualities though, I have small slender hands, that I've heard many times look like girl's hands, so I doubt that anyone would pick me out for having big hands at least! Lol.
I think that you easily pass, stephaniec.
thanks
It's wonderful and motivating.
Unless she has a piece that should totally be in my closet instead ;D
Am I allowed in this topic? :rolleyes:
If I compared myself to other trans women that are younger/prettier/wealthier/luckier than me then yeah, it would bother me a lot. It's certainly not too hard to think of examples of those kinds of people.
But I choose not to do that. One of the life lessons that I have learned is that life is not fair - there will always be people that are better off than me, and there will always be people that are worse off than me. My time is far better spent enjoying my life as best I can and being thankful for the things I have been given, and not worrying about the things that I can't do anything about.
One of those things I could regret is when I transitioned. When I was about 20 I was far more petite than I am now, and more feminine looking too - it would have been the perfect age to transition. But I didn't have the knowledge that I have now, and the times were different. I transitioned when it was right for me and that happened at 51, not 20. Ce la vie :)
Comparing myself to others that I consider better off than me only leads me to a bad, dark place. It's better simply not to dwell on such things.
I find it to be inspiring. I have the chance to get the inside information about what they did, avoiding the same mistakes they did, and adjust my schedules accordingly. It's only making my own journey easier.
I wouldn't be of mind to compare myself to them. Envying their life and luck would do nothing for me. Behind every transition, there are more hardships than I'd care to endure in the "grass is always greener" scenarios.
I have found that if I look back objectively, there's a lot of good things and life experiences that I'd miss out on from trading places. Just as I've had more life experiences than I would have, had I transitioned earlier. They made me who I am; for better or worse.
I cherish my history and friendships more than I covenant their money and looks.
Successfully transitioned trans people are an inspiration, not something to envy. At least, that is how I view it.
Quote from: Carrie Liz on November 30, 2015, 12:27:31 AM
Nothing makes me hate myself more than seeing a trans woman who is completely unquestionably cisnormative in voice and appearance, having the unchanged voice and cute childish facial features that I've always longed for so much.
Where people comment on her videos and are like "you're TRANS? What?" People who never have to worry about being "passable" or not, never have to question whether people see them as a woman or not, they simply are, and can enjoy their lives body-dysphoria-free.
I'm so sick of having to deal with that particular mental battle, and I'm overwhelmed with jealousy when I see someone who doesn't.
I'm so with you on this post when it comes to voice. When I hear a trans girl with a voice that sounds like a cis girl I get so jealous because I know I will probably never sound like that. I know some trans girls whose voices just never dropped. I tell myself I should aim to sound "husky" but I'm afraid I just sound like a gay man lol.
I look at it as an inspiration of what's possible. I am happy for them too. We're all going through a lot, so why should I participate in begrudgement? (Hat tip to Jenny boylan)
Sent from my iPhone, inspected and certified by the NSA
Its funny because as a TG (should be a full girl by Apr '16) I get looks from GGs. They think that I'm a GG. Altho my voice is a bit on the low side. Not a foghorn LOL. Could be higher. As a GM I sounded like a GG.
QuoteHow hard is it to view another trans that has great sucess in transitioning
I think thats my biggest problem of all. For myself i feel unfairness because i was fighten more than the most other girls and had less or no results in summary. Successfull transitioning is driven mostly by random factors, you cant have much influence. Its on your genes.
All in all i really sad about that and i dont want to walk over this planet as longer as nessecary.
Galaxy I know you have problems seeing the good stuff. Your face is truly very pretty. I have tons I wish were different , but that's a curse we humans face.
My face is natural born, no result of any hormones. With short hair i would look like before. (see picture in the thread)
Although in many ways i have been transitioning a long time, i too kicked it into high gear at a somewhat advanced age (ahem) I marvel at girls that transition early and at teens that figure it out so quick. Had i been a teen now with the info that is available, i am positive i would be there.
I do find myself being envious but much more often i find it inspiring. The feminization i have achieved and will achieve yet is partially, the result of others setting the bar so high.
Quote from: galaxy on November 30, 2015, 10:57:24 AM
My face is natural born, no result of any hormones. With short hair i would look like before. (see picture in the thread)
I've seen it , I know what your referring to , your natural looks , but there is a big difference do to hormones. My face is quite different , but I have a terrible time seeing it.
Mostly I'm envious of a fresh start without all the social baggage like a marriage and life history. There is also the issue of having transition financed by parents or the Government and even living in a country where being trans is not looked down upon with shame.
I struggled hard to get where I am, and I'm very proud of where I am.
I had to leave my birth country (I didn't do it for transition reasons though) and I am lucky in that this country (USA) fully accepts and accommodates me, at least federally and in the state I live.
But would I have liked to have it easier? In a heartbeat. Who wouldn't?
Would I have liked to have started young like Jazz or the trans kids who are popping out of the woodwork now? Sure, who wouldn't?
But you can't go back and re-do the past, you can just move on.
Quote from: RachelsMantra on November 30, 2015, 09:40:19 AM
I'm so with you on this post when it comes to voice. When I hear a trans girl with a voice that sounds like a cis girl I get so jealous because I know I will probably never sound like that. I know some trans girls whose voices just never dropped. I tell myself I should aim to sound "husky" but I'm afraid I just sound like a gay man lol.
Don't beat yourself up over voice. It is one of the easiest things to fix. Even surgery is not that expensive these days and provides good results.
Even without surgery, voice can be trained.
I do alright with voice at least as I'm concerned Its just when I cough or clear my throat or get startled .it's a little embarrassing .
One of the girls I help with voice training was telling me about the different jealousies she's had towards trans and cis women. She said she felt that way about me at one point too and that she felt horrible about it but she later realized the farther she gets with her transition, the less and less she feels that way.
I used to feel this way a lot and never really discussed those feelings openly. It's tough now to try to remember what was going through my head back then. Anyways like my friend, it all just kind of went away gradually after everything finally came together for me transition wise.
My transition has gone pretty good, it's just the age thing that is the sticking point now. Yea, hopefully I'll be able to get over it , but its hard. When you hit the upper level of the life span things get more pronounced as far as using the time left in the most quality of ways. Transition for me is the absolute most beneficial way to spend the time left, but it comes with the cost of looking at the past. It's a natural problem I just need to totally enjoy my progress and keep moving. I still need to go out to a boutique of really nice dresses and splurge on one then go out to my favorite bar and forget the past, It's kind of my next goal.
I can't imagine what that's like dealing with the age thing :(, HUGS! I see my parents struggling with age stuff right now since they're getting into their later years.
You got this Stephanie! Splurge away!! :laugh:
interesting question, Stephanie :)
For me this has been a long long road of self discovery and introspection. My transition began just not too long ago, but this is just the result of years and years of strengthening my soul and coming to terms with myself.
This means that, while I have always been a woman, I want to be a woman for me, not for people to look at me. I mean, I love to feel pretty and to be complmented: Who doesn't?
But do I suffer when I don't get complmented? No, not really. I am beautiful inside and that's what matters to me. If somebody wants to tell me that I look pretty, it makes me smile genuinely and it truly makes me feel better, but if they don't, it's not the end.
When I see other trans girls who look pretty I think that they are fascinating. I wish that we all make it and we all get to a place where we feel super comfy and happy about ourselves. Makes sense?
It has never been a challenge to me in the first place. I don't expect (nor want) to be miss universe, I truly want that we all make it. Only another trans girl knows the struggle. We've come a long way to be where we are now.
big hugs
- Clara
Ok, so, I've been right there with you at one point or another, even now when I look at myself, there are still more things I wish I could change then there are things I don't need to. One of my dysphoria triggers are thongs, I want to wear them, but I cant, they just don't make thongs that I can fit anything into, another trigger is babies, because I want to carry one inside me more than anything.
The other day I made a topic, (which got locked for some bickering) at some point someone brought up the phrase "passing privilege" this was new to me, but I understood the premise, I am 5,6 and I weigh 135 lbs soaking wet, I don't "pass" I simply look like a girl in every way. Even when I started i didn't get made much.
Having said that, it doesn't matter how much you pass or don't for dysphoria, or body dismorphic issues to creep in and ruin your life. I've had 2 friends kill themselves in the last year, 1 his name was ash, and he was a handsome guy. He walked infront of oncoming traffic.
The point is, being jealous of others, wishing you had started sooner...this is all based online what you think society tells you you are supposed to look like. You no what, even vs models arnt good enough for vs. They body shop the he'll out of those pics.
Will you ever stop being jealous of other peoplr? Probably not, but, you can stop comparing yourself to others. This idea of a sliding scale when it comes to beauty is bull->-bleeped-<- meant to sell you only something that never existed in the first place. Be you, be your authentic you. And screw everyone else. You look fabo girl, now go to shake your ass and walk like you got it. Cause confidence is sexy as ->-bleeped-<-!
I get jealous of pretty trans girls who look, sound, and seem perfect. I just try to focus on what is positive about me. It is hard sometimes.
I know that feeling. It's not a good feeling. I feel the exact same way whenever I see a younger, attractive, cis-passing trans girl on a trans forum or youtube. It usually ends with me feeling like crap. Lately, I've been turning that pain into anger ,and I use that anger to push myself to be better. I'm going to make my idles my rivals. >:-)
Quote from: stephaniec on November 29, 2015, 10:51:10 PM
myself on this planet. It's like 1 step forward then 1 step backward. Do you let other transitions affect you or do you have the ability to ignore and move on.
If you could go back in time before I had ever gone under the knife and undertook a gender transition and told me what my future was I wouldn't believe you. I remember when I was first starting off and I wanted good solid advice on electrolysis. I met this girl who was just shy of getting her srs surgery and I couldn't help but think, holy crap, she's beautiful! I'll never come out as good as that. I wasn't jealous as much as I was impressed out of my mind. She even shared with me a picture of her before her transition and I was like, no way that's you. Eventually after having gone under the knife myself, electrolysis, voice training, etc etc etc I had people said they felt inspired by me, and my thought was "me? what's so inspiring about me?"
Just remember that some day, some one will meet you and be inspired by your life as well and how you turned out. You're journey is still in motion so choose people who inspire you to do better.
Quote from: Eva Marie on November 30, 2015, 02:31:50 AM
One of the life lessons that I have learned is that life is not fair -
I would doubt that... what goes around comes around...
good deeds come back to you its possible it was simply not time yet....
or you got it back in another category...
joy shared imo is one of the things that can easily multiply... so feeling joyful with the results of others comes back to people imo...
*hugs*
Pretty trans girls have problems 2, just sayin.
There will always be someone who is better at something than you are. Someone prettier, someone wealthier. Just have to concentrate on your own strengths and be the best version of yourself you can be. If you have made mistakes or bad choices in the past use that experience to avoid making similar mistakes in the future.
Anybody; boy, girl, pretty or ugly, who becomes obsessed with looks are putting themselves up for a life of misery.
Looks are subject to decay over time, but if you are beautiful inside, that will last forever. I would rather live this life focusing on becoming beautiful inside and feeling complete than spending a ton of money and time on cosmetic things that will not last and will never fullfill me.
Quote from: clarabrown on November 30, 2015, 08:50:35 PM
Anybody; boy, girl, pretty or ugly, who becomes obsessed with looks are putting themselves up for a life of misery.
Looks are subject to decay over time, but if you are beautiful inside, that will last forever. I would rather live this life focusing on becoming beautiful inside and feeling complete than spending a ton of money and time on cosmetic things that will not last and will never fullfill me.
^ This
Although, I can completely relate to the feeling of jealousy when I see gorgeous trans girls with boyfriends or husbands or simply living life to the fullest. It's like a bitter pill that's very hard to swallow sometimes.
However, I always remind myself that I transitioned for me and not for anyone else. I strive to be happy with anything I have and looking at life half full.
xo
Stephanie I think I know what video you are talking about ;) for me I am 21 and started hormones at 20, I have still had times where I hated myself for not doing it earlier to. But I feel like every transgender person has felt guilt for bad for not doing it earlier no matter how young they have started! Let's keep in mind that passable transgender people like the one in that particular video still have problems being transgender as well. I have a friend who is 18 and starting a transition, I have been helping her starting hormones. I brang her to my endo a few weeks ago and help/guide her with anything else she needs to live normally as the girl she is. One time I kind of felt jealous that she started before me and is getting a head start but at the end of the day I feel like I have to put my regrets to the side because we are all in this together. Yes I would of rather started at 18 but I still feel the need to do what's right and help this girl with her transition because I wish someone did it for me and made me realize what and how to do. Every time I see a beautiful transgender woman it's normal to get jealous but I am more proud than anything because it shows how far we have come as a community knowing that as time goes on we will have all the resources we need to transition.
Don't hate me because I'm beautiful. Any other reason is OK though.
Seriously, I love a good success story. Failure stories are cool too. Also, "trans" is not a noun.
yea, I'm starting to think I'm going to try to get to know the youth at the LGBT center
My main problem is that transition couldnt take the body dysphoria from me. Maybe, ive some little boobs and a noevagina, but a very masculine shape and it dominantes the whole look. My face is the only little feminine thing - but in the second look you will also see the masculine features and wondering about my bad hair. Sure, its my age and i began much, much too late and the other side is my body - the bad hormon balance with its defects.
In my case transition was not there to change my body in the right direction. It was the time where i should learn who to accept my male body. But aceepting means to give a up a dream, not to fight anymore. And thats the war in my head.
Having transitioned at 38 I certainly regret that I didn't do it when I was younger, but then 25 years ago things were enough of a primitive medical wasteland as it was and if I had 'come out' as a younger person I most probably would have got my brains fried with ECT for my trouble. Overall I have to accept that I did transition at the right time and it's no good getting depressed and upset about it. The other thing is if I had transitioned earlier my children wouldn't be here and there is no way I wouldn't want them in my life.
Aging certainly is a challenge and that is a transition we all have to make. Beauty is fleeting. I've lived long enough in this little rural town to have seen attractive local women in their prime enter middle age and get well and truly mauled by the passing years. I'm not doing too bad looks wise for my age, but then my great aunt looked like she was only 50 when she was 93 so I should be alright for a while longer. My health though is where aging is biting me though, so it is for that reason that I want to cheer from the sidelines when a young person makes a good and successful transition and goes on to live a rich and fulfilling life. Youth and beauty is fleeting so enjoy it, go out and make the best of yourself that you can be.
I haven't met that many trans women yet but of the ones I have, each had something that I would liked to have had.
Some were downright beautiful, others a lovely voice, some had better makeup techniques but generally nothing I couldn't hopefully have for myself.
However, all of us had a common quality and that was one of self-acceptance and dignity in who we are. I can't be them and they can't be me but we can be ourselves.
Love,
Clare
I would like to think that I have been at least somewhat lucky in my transition. I'm not the most attractive girl in the world, but I pass well enough that I can live me life without feeling like everyone is constantly clocking me. My voice especially is an area where I lucked out, because I know most people who transition after there voice changes have a lot of trouble sounding the way they'd like to. It takes effort for me, but at least I can do it.
But let me tell you, with all the other things I've had to deal with in my life, there are few people who would be better off if they traded places with me. I suffer from constant back pain and muscle spasms from scoliosis, I lost ten years of my life to social anxiety and a rare sleep disorder, I have to constantly watch what I eat to keep my weight down (I was pre-diabetic at the age of 24), I still need tens of thousands of dollars to finish my transition to the point where I would consider it complete, you get the point... And the worst part is knowing that even with all these problems there are people here who have it much worse than I do.
Gender dysphoria has a way of giving you tunnel vision. While you are dealing with it, it often seems like nothing else matters. But it's important not to lose perspective and think about your life's value only in terms of your success in transition. There will always be someone more passable and/or attractive than you, which is just as true for us as it is for cisgendered people. Most of us have a lot of baggage about our appearance due to the impact it's had on our lives and how people have perceived us, but in the end the way you look is just a means to an end. What's important is that you can find a way to be happy with who you are, and that you can live in a place where people accept you and treat you the way you'd want to be treated. Looking a certain way can make that easier, but it's just one piece of the puzzle.
In other words, the grass is always greener, and be happy for what you have, because things could always be worse. ;)
In my view it's all about bravery and confidence anyway. Personally, I just find it extremely difficult to find the confidence to try really hard. I am going to therapy now, and trying to get the medical stuff in order, but I've never even attempted to wear girl's cloths, and only tried make-up like twice, with super low quality stuff.
Don't want to put in all of that effort, and fail, as the cliche goes. All of my family knows though, and my Dad is okay with it, when it comes to family acceptance, at least of my parents, I have it better than most, I think, and I'm not even as convincing as most!
I find the confidence, and efforts of everyone here hugely inspiring. I am really socially anxious, and awkward, so that makes it really difficult too, but places like this make me feel normal, and a lot less shame.
I don't take jealousy as a negative thing, unless it makes you a self or other hater, but can be motivating. It's better though, and good to feel solidarity with some really amazing, and beautiful people with regards to a deep personal struggle, to which we all relate. What matters is being happy, and true to yourself. Everyone that does that inspires me, and I think inspires everyone. Heroes of authenticity!
I think whether we're cis or trans, there's always going to be somebody who we look at and who makes us feel like a lowly ant by way of their ridiculous levels of beauty or luck. I just remind myself such people are kind of rare anomalies compared to most people who are just trying to get through life... and even for them life is probably plagued with problems of a different kind. I know lots of people who covet the lifestyles of rich or famous people, but then when you hear many of these rich and famous people turned out to have miserable depressed lives, or were addicts, or beaten or abused, suicidal, etc. you realize perfection does not exist. Happiness is something everybody is trying to find no matter how successful at something they seem to be.
I can get pretty jealous towards good looking transgirls as well. But me and my boyfriend always reason this with the fact that you should be happy with being who you are as an individual. Rest assured that very few people reach the status of photo model, trans or not. :)
I too know of which video you are talking about. I love both youtubers.
I'm a bit confused as all who have said on this thread that they are jealous of cis normative trans women, look cis themselves, pass with flying colors, and some are even people I drew inspiration from for my own transition when I was all new to this a year and a half ago.
I think we all have to remember that we are our own worst critics. Cliche saying but it's true. We will always compare ourselves to others. I am like some in this thread who have said that seeing a successfully transitioned trans girl gives me nothing but inspiration.
Quote from: Elsa Delyth on December 02, 2015, 07:34:27 AM
In my view it's all about bravery and confidence anyway. Personally, I just find it extremely difficult to find the confidence to try really hard. I am going to therapy now, and trying to get the medical stuff in order, but I've never even attempted to wear girl's cloths, and only tried make-up like twice, with super low quality stuff.
Don't want to put in all of that effort, and fail, as the cliche goes. All of my family knows though, and my Dad is okay with it, when it comes to family acceptance, at least of my parents, I have it better than most, I think, and I'm not even as convincing as most!
I find the confidence, and efforts of everyone here hugely inspiring. I am really socially anxious, and awkward, so that makes it really difficult too, but places like this make me feel normal, and a lot less shame.
I don't take jealousy as a negative thing, unless it makes you a self or other hater, but can be motivating. It's better though, and good to feel solidarity with some really amazing, and beautiful people with regards to a deep personal struggle, to which we all relate. What matters is being happy, and true to yourself. Everyone that does that inspires me, and I think inspires everyone. Heroes of authenticity!
If only there were a 'like' button on this forum.. :)
Edit: Duh, like button under our forum avatars.
I would say I have had great success transitioning, so this may affect my feelings, but I just feel happiness for them, and warmth in my soul.
I think everyone has great success in transitioning, it's just not necessarily the kind of success they are looking for...
As a tall naturally muscular guy, I learned that nothing is impossible. Doesn't matter what you used to look like. Anything can be changed. Be it through hard work or surgery (which is still hard work in some ways). For that reason, seeing naturally more feminine/successful trans never bothered me as I will get there in time. Furthermore some were inspirational and gave me the energy to start and that's priceless (even if none were as muscular as I am [except Janae Marie Kroc])
I feel torn about whether I am "allowed" to feel dysphoria and jealousy towards other trans girls. I've been told that I am one of the "prettiest" girls in my support group and this makes me feel good but then I go on the internet and see a prettier trans girl or hear their voices I get insanely jealous and feel like crap. So on the one hand I feel like I am just whining relative to my support group but then I compare myself to trans girls on the internet and I feel much different.
Quote from: Elsa Delyth on December 02, 2015, 07:34:27 AM
In my view it's all about bravery and confidence anyway. Personally, I just find it extremely difficult to find the confidence to try really hard. I am going to therapy now, and trying to get the medical stuff in order, but I've never even attempted to wear girl's cloths, and only tried make-up like twice, with super low quality stuff.
Don't want to put in all of that effort, and fail, as the cliche goes. All of my family knows though, and my Dad is okay with it, when it comes to family acceptance, at least of my parents, I have it better than most, I think, and I'm not even as convincing as most!
I find the confidence, and efforts of everyone here hugely inspiring. I am really socially anxious, and awkward, so that makes it really difficult too, but places like this make me feel normal, and a lot less shame.
I don't take jealousy as a negative thing, unless it makes you a self or other hater, but can be motivating. It's better though, and good to feel solidarity with some really amazing, and beautiful people with regards to a deep personal struggle, to which we all relate. What matters is being happy, and true to yourself. Everyone that does that inspires me, and I think inspires everyone. Heroes of authenticity!
You may find that as you explore and express your femininity, you will gain confidence and in time be more confident and happy than your male self. It takes time, but you'll feel better.
Sent from my iPhone, inspected and certified by the NSA
There's not too many trans girls in my neighborhood, but I've decided I'm going to finally get that sexy dress I've wanted like forever and go to my favorite lounge inside the towns movie theater and see how I compare to the other girls there. There is a huge mirror across the wall opposite the bar so I can get a good look at myself. Maybe I can get a free drink too.
Quote from: RachelsMantra on December 02, 2015, 02:22:40 PM
I feel torn about whether I am "allowed" to feel dysphoria and jealousy towards other trans girls. I've been told that I am one of the "prettiest" girls in my support group and this makes me feel good but then I go on the internet and see a prettier trans girl or hear their voices I get insanely jealous and feel like crap. So on the one hand I feel like I am just whining relative to my support group but then I compare myself to trans girls on the internet and I feel much different.
Rachel I completely 100% feel the same way you do. I voice out dysphoria issues to friends and family members only to be shunned and told I shouldn't be feeling the way I do, simply because I'm "pretty" and already "passable." This is the reason I am afraid to be a part of the local trans community and haven't gone to any more support group meetings despite constant plans to do so.
I remember staying at a recovery house in Mexico a couple months ago when I was getting a minor surgery done. I had already gotten FFS at this point. There were a few trans girls at this place, as it was a trans community surgery house. One of the women there said that "young, pretty Asian trans girls" like me were a "huge middle finger" to the predominantly white and non-passing trans community in the US. I'm sure she meant it more as a compliment than anything, but it certainly put a sour taste in my mouth as to how I could possibly be viewed and treated if I were to continue attending support groups here in San Diego. I had only gone to a support group once and was the youngest and only non-white person there.
Anyway, how do you find these support groups and have they helped you, despite the status women there have given you?
Quote from: Roni on December 02, 2015, 08:48:42 AM
If only there were a 'like' button on this forum.. :)
Edit: Duh, like button under our forum avatars.
Thanks a lot! I don't think that everyone would be as mean as that person was that said that you were a "huge middle finger". Everyone needs community. I haven't really gone to any support groups either, even though I keep planning to, too afraid. I need to do it too.
I didn't reply earlier because I guess I don't take compliments well, but after seeing what you wrote, I don't want you to think I feel negatively towards you or anything. I very much appreciate you liking my post!
Quote from: Gertrude on December 02, 2015, 08:32:28 PM
You may find that as you explore and express your femininity, you will gain confidence and in time be more confident and happy than your male self. It takes time, but you'll feel better.
Sent from my iPhone, inspected and certified by the NSA
I really hope so! I'm working on it, just gotta work harder, and not think negatively! Thanks a lot!
Quote from: Roni on December 03, 2015, 02:31:23 AM
Rachel I completely 100% feel the same way you do. I voice out dysphoria issues to friends and family members only to be shunned and told I shouldn't be feeling the way I do, simply because I'm "pretty" and already "passable." This is the reason I am afraid to be a part of the local trans community and haven't gone to any more support group meetings despite constant plans to do so.
Yeah, this is why I generally feel alienated from the rest of the trans community, even here. I got lucky in almost all aspects of my transition and I feel this cloud of guilt over me for it. And especially with the trans girls that have befriended me as their 'mentor'.. I want to help, but I know some of them won't be as lucky, so I try to caution them that their transition may not go the same way that mine went... :/ Plus, threads like this come up and make me feel worse... I have my problems too, but I feel like they end up not mattering compared to others.
Quote from: Roni on December 03, 2015, 02:31:23 AM
Anyway, how do you find these support groups and have they helped you, despite the status women there have given you?
I found the support group through a local trans-run organization called Missouri Trans Umbrella Group, which is a great resource for the local St Louis trans community.
Honestly, I'm not sure how the support group has really helped me. I've made a few friends but we're not that close. I don't know what I get out of the meetings. I don't relate to a lot of the girls in the group. In the meetings people are usually talking about things I don't care about. I guess I go because it's only 5 minutes from my house and I have nothing else to do and it is an opportunity to socialize afterwards. I go maybe because I want to be part of the local trans community. But I don't really go there because I need "support" in any way.
Quote from: Elsa Delyth on December 03, 2015, 03:22:16 AM
Thanks a lot! I don't think that everyone would be as mean as that person was that said that you were a "huge middle finger". Everyone needs community. I haven't really gone to any support groups either, even though I keep planning to, too afraid. I need to do it too.
I didn't reply earlier because I guess I don't take compliments well, but after seeing what you wrote, I don't want you to think I feel negatively towards you or anything. I very much appreciate you liking my post!
Aww thanks Elsa! Don't worry about it! It didn't bother me at all that you hadn't replied. Plenty of people don't reply to posts, and I don't think my comment warranted a reply anyway. Just wanted to let you know I enjoyed reading your post! Thank you for what you said though and I am certain there are nice trans people all around. :) Haven't gone to too many trans meetings but I am sure the women at my local support group are just as nice as the women on Susans!
Quote from: Ashey on December 03, 2015, 05:08:29 AM
Yeah, this is why I generally feel alienated from the rest of the trans community, even here. I got lucky in almost all aspects of my transition and I feel this cloud of guilt over me for it. And especially with the trans girls that have befriended me as their 'mentor'.. I want to help, but I know some of them won't be as lucky, so I try to caution them that their transition may not go the same way that mine went... :/ Plus, threads like this come up and make me feel worse... I have my problems too, but I feel like they end up not mattering compared to others.
I am certain this thread meant no animosity towards women who are further along in their transition; just an interesting topic started to understand many in the community who are dealing with dysphoria. I think it is crucial to hear from both sides of the community---from girls like you and Rachel who are on the receiving end of "jealousy" (if we can call it that, I really just think it is dysphoria all around that we've all experienced at one point or another), and girls who aren't as far into transition and hearing about how they feel as well.
I'm with you though. You are right in saying that when it comes to transition, each experiences their own journey and it is damaging to expect one will end up exactly as the other has. But I certainly think there is no harm in drawing inspiration from others. You should be so flattered people look up to you as their mentor! :)
Quote from: RachelsMantra on December 03, 2015, 09:28:35 AM
I found the support group through a local trans-run organization called Missouri Trans Umbrella Group, which is a great resource for the local St Louis trans community.
Honestly, I'm not sure how the support group has really helped me. I've made a few friends but we're not that close. I don't know what I get out of the meetings. I don't relate to a lot of the girls in the group. In the meetings people are usually talking about things I don't care about. I guess I go because it's only 5 minutes from my house and I have nothing else to do and it is an opportunity to socialize afterwards. I go maybe because I want to be part of the local trans community. But I don't really go there because I need "support" in any way.
That is partly my dilemma. I don't know how much these meetings will actually help in "supporting" my personal problems other than providing a strong network of people who are similar to me in identity. I guess for many that is more than enough though.
Hi Roni,
You are so grounded and down to earth, a genuine sweetheart. :)
Quote from: kittenpower on December 03, 2015, 10:51:55 AM
Hi Roni,
You are so grounded and down to earth, a genuine sweetheart. :)
I appreciate the kind words girl! And hi! :)
For me there's only ONE question left:
I was very unhappy with my life as a "man" and i'm very unhappy with my life now, because my body didnt change enough for beeing a lucky women now. I solved some of my old problems and got dozen of new ones. So, in summary it makes no difference what i am and what i do. It all will flow into unhappiness. I never had a chances to get lucky and thats the point of unfairness. I never got these chance.
Most of all my crappy hair is making me sad every day. No matter if your face is a bit nice or not - ->-bleeped-<-ty makes you an ugly person. I tried so much to find a solution, spend really much money and a wig is in my late 30's no way for me. It would be so a big shame ... so, this life is nothing more than hoping of a new better one, when we will shuffle the cards a next time.
I'm so sorry Galaxy I truly wish I had the words to help you. My transition is going good even though my time left on the planet won't make up for all the pain I've suffered through out my life for being so wrong. I'm very happy that the dream I had 44 years ago of taking estrogen finally came through, I am pretty pissed at this one psychologist I saw for a long time at a crucial point in my life for not sharing the path of transition with me, but I can't change that so I move forward and dream of my next adventure in a beautiful dress at my favorite bar/movie theater. I just deal with what I got which is a hell of a lot better than I had before transitioning, except the days I had with my beautiful Belgium German Shepard .
Quote from: galaxy on December 04, 2015, 10:08:25 AM
For me there's only ONE question left:
I was very unhappy with my life as a "man" and i'm very unhappy with my life now, because my body didnt change enough for beeing a lucky women now. I solved some of my old problems and got dozen of new ones. So, in summary it makes no difference what i am and what i do. It all will flow into unhappiness. I never had a chances to get lucky and thats the point of unfairness. I never got these chance.
Most of all my crappy hair is making me sad every day. No matter if your face is a bit nice or not ->-bleeped-<-ty makes you an ugly person. I tried so much to find a solution, spend really much money and a wig is in my late 30's no way for me. It would be so a big shame set ... so, this life is nothing more than hoping of a new better one, when we will shuffle the cards a next time.
I think happiness is a state of mind mostly, you will find happy people living in the most dire circumstances, and depressed sad people living in the lap of luxury. There are many things that each of us can be grateful for, but if we only focus on negativity, we are giving into darkness. HRT = win; living full time as our true selves = win; FFS = win; BA = win;SRS = win; looking towards the future and planning to make positive changes and just enjoying life = win; that's some serious winning IMHO. Best wishes 🎉
Quote from: galaxy on December 04, 2015, 10:08:25 AM
For me there's only ONE question left:
I was very unhappy with my life as a "man" and i'm very unhappy with my life now, because my body didnt change enough for beeing a lucky women now. I solved some of my old problems and got dozen of new ones. So, in summary it makes no difference what i am and what i do. It all will flow into unhappiness. I never had a chances to get lucky and thats the point of unfairness. I never got these chance.
Most of all my crappy hair is making me sad every day. No matter if your face is a bit nice or not - ->-bleeped-<-ty makes you an ugly person. I tried so much to find a solution, spend really much money and a wig is in my late 30's no way for me. It would be so a big shame ... so, this life is nothing more than hoping of a new better one, when we will shuffle the cards a next time.
There isn't a next time. Happiness comes. From the inside. Find your true self and love that person
Sent from my iPhone, inspected and certified by the NSA
Quote from: galaxy on December 04, 2015, 10:08:25 AM
For me there's only ONE question left:
I was very unhappy with my life as a "man" and i'm very unhappy with my life now, because my body didnt change enough for beeing a lucky women now. I solved some of my old problems and got dozen of new ones. So, in summary it makes no difference what i am and what i do. It all will flow into unhappiness. I never had a chances to get lucky and thats the point of unfairness. I never got these chance.
Most of all my crappy hair is making me sad every day. No matter if your face is a bit nice or not - ->-bleeped-<-ty makes you an ugly person. I tried so much to find a solution, spend really much money and a wig is in my late 30's no way for me. It would be so a big shame ... so, this life is nothing more than hoping of a new better one, when we will shuffle the cards a next time.
There isn't a next time. Happiness comes from the inside. Find your true self and love that person
Sent from my iPhone, inspected and certified by the NSA
Quote from: Ashey on December 03, 2015, 05:08:29 AM
Yeah, this is why I generally feel alienated from the rest of the trans community, even here. I got lucky in almost all aspects of my transition and I feel this cloud of guilt over me for it. And especially with the trans girls that have befriended me as their 'mentor'.. I want to help, but I know some of them won't be as lucky, so I try to caution them that their transition may not go the same way that mine went... :/ Plus, threads like this come up and make me feel worse... I have my problems too, but I feel like they end up not mattering compared to others.
No reason to feel guilty at all! That's not what it should be about. Anyone that's going through a transition would take any opportunity to get to the next step that's what you should do so we should all be happy for each other. If anything, people can use a lucky transition as inspiration and hope. I think sooner or later everyone will have the resources to transition :)
It's really no big thing when it comes down to it, in transitioning we really just become what are genetics gives the blueprint for. we look how we look according to nature no more no less. You can help it with surgeries , but its the same whether cis or trans. I mean my ideal person that I wish I could become is Greta Garbo it's just natures expression neither good nor bad just the way it is. I just love being a woman so much.
I think what everyone should be focusing on is to be the best version of themselves and stop comparing yourself with the progress of one individual. As it is, being trans is quite taxing to our mind and body and the constant comparison will just add more stress to our already stressful lives. As I see it, success is relative and largely depends on how you view your transition progress.
Let's just be kind to ourselves, nurture and respect it.
Edit: I was watching this youtube video and I think it conveys a very strong message of love and acceptance.
I hope you guys watch it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SCpHCGniGiI
I loved Allyson's video, saw it months ago. Here's a recent video from TEDx with Jenny Boylan.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I0h7LFvlVwk
Quote from: Gertrude on December 04, 2015, 06:55:21 PM
There isn't a next time. Happiness comes. From the inside. Find your true self and love that person
Sent from my iPhone, inspected and certified by the NSA
There will be a next time! Dont say sucb things!
HRT=lose. BA=lose. SRS=lose. Where are the wins? Where?
Quote from: Eva Marie on November 30, 2015, 02:31:50 AM
If I compared myself to other trans women that are younger/prettier/wealthier/luckier than me then yeah, it would bother me a lot. It's certainly not too hard to think of examples of those kinds of people.
Comparing myself to others that I consider better off than me only leads me to a bad, dark place. It's better simply not to dwell on such things.
This is so true.Every day I work with patients and if I was worried about my passability/attractiveness etc I just wouldnt be able to do my job and it's a job I love.I know that I'm a tall,slightly masculine looking woman(Amazonian even) but it really doesnt matter.It cant be changed and why would I want to.I went through a lot to be me and finding inner peace and learning to love myself has been part of that.
Quote from: galaxy on December 06, 2015, 07:54:48 PM
There will be a next time! Dont say sucb things!
HRT=lose. BA=lose. SRS=lose. Where are the wins? Where?
I'm a realist. All we know of is this life. Make the best of it. As far as losses go, I only count those loved ones that are no longer with me as losses and its instructive about the transitory nature of life. The wins are living according to our individual wills authentically without infringing on others. It takes courage, honesty and compassion.
Sent from my iPhone, inspected and certified by the NSA
Hi All
I can't get upset with seeing someone that was much luckier than me. If they have it god bless them. think about it like this. we are all lucky to be able to be our selfs. and if you look great all the power to you. Be happy who we are trying to wish that everything is perfect is not going to be. Everyone has some kind of issue's even the ones that we think are Beautiful. >:-)
Lyndsey
Quote from: galaxy on December 06, 2015, 07:54:48 PM
There will be a next time! Dont say sucb things!
HRT=lose. BA=lose. SRS=lose. Where are the wins? Where?
I'm sorry, but she's right; there is no "next time". Your life is now, and not some other time. Wether you are a religious person or not, I hope you will accept the only life you got on this planet and live it the way you want.
Personally: I know I'm never going to be a fashion star, but that's not my goal. My goal is to live my life the way I feel I am on the inside. Which in my case is a woman. The way I read some replies from others, it looks like a lot of transgenders have unrealistic expectations of what transitioning will bring them. Only very few of us will ever reach the level of a fashion model (just like most cis women!), but being a girl in your daily life, and being able to express yourself the way you want should be top priority if you ask me. That's just my 2 cents!
You nailed it :) Thanks for posting this.
Quote from: Galyo on December 07, 2015, 12:13:58 PM
I'm sorry, but she's right; there is no "next time". Your life is now, and not some other time. Wether you are a religious person or not, I hope you will accept the only life you got on this planet and live it the way you want.
Personally: I know I'm never going to be a fashion star, but that's not my goal. My goal is to live my life the way I feel I am on the inside. Which in my case is a woman. The way I read some replies from others, it looks like a lot of transgenders have unrealistic expectations of what transitioning will bring them. Only very few of us will ever reach the level of a fashion model (just like most cis women!), but being a girl in your daily life, and being able to express yourself the way you want should be top priority if you ask me. That's just my 2 cents!
I wish I'd been an unattached 25-year-old woman at some point in my life. Good times would have ensued. It didn't happen. I'm good with it today, but there's always that nagging, "What if...?"
To get to the question, all of us have different circumstances. Envy is a negative that will sap our strength if it festers.
Add me to the stephaniec fan club. You do great things here.
QuoteThe way I read some replies from others, it looks like a lot of transgenders have unrealistic expectations of what transitioning will bring them. Only very few of us will ever reach the level of a fashion model (just like most cis women!), but being a girl in your daily life, and being able to express yourself the way you want should be top priority if you ask me. That's just my 2 cents!
I have to wonder if some of us/ many have co-morbidities that come out with extreme behaviors or expectations? I think having other issues flavors both outlook and response. There's a lot to work through being trans by itself, but the whole person needs help.
Sent from my iPhone, inspected and certified by the NSA
I do sometimes get depressed seeing someone I think of as doing much better than I am, or younger, or prettier... but the last time I complained about this, a friend of mine says she sees ME that way (she's earlier in her transition and older than I am). So I try to remind myself that for everyone there's going to be at least one person who's apparently better off, but on the flip side there's at least one person who's jealous of *them.*
It doesn't work very well, but at least I quit complaining in public. ;)
Reading the comments I am almost grateful I am only 20 and stand a chance of passing. There are clearly people who hate it much harder than I have.
However I am extremely depressed about not being born the way I should of and not having the experiences which I feel are a birth-right.
One thing we should really keep in mind, is that we are all in this together. Even those who are lucky enough to have started hormones at a young age and who are able to live in their preferred gender role without fear of passing. No matter how well you do with transition, you are still transgender. You have to deal with knowing that you could at any time be rejected or discriminated against because of you past. You have to deal with the knowing that in some ways you will always be different from someone who is cisgender and you will never be able to be completely happy with your own body. You have to deal with knowing that you can't ever have children the way a cisgendered person would be able to. It's easy to be jealous of someone who "got lucky" with their transition, but the reality is that no one who is transgender is lucky. Some of us are less unlucky than others, but all of us have to deal with the effects of being transgender in one way or another.
Being jealous of other people looking better is natural but also pretty shallow. Personally seeing how ''good'' other transitioning people look is an inspiration and I feel great for them :) I can sort of understand in the way perhaps if someone transitioned 20 years ago it may have been less successful than now, but then again, when I fully transition, in 20 years they might be able to stick you in a machine where you can change instantly :o :o
Everyone is different. Not everyone has the same hopes, dreams and goals with their transition. The older you get the more you realize that your true happiness does not rest in your looking like a beauty queen. All I ever wanted was to insure that I could comport myself age appropriately and be seen as any other woman at my level of society. In other words.......if you saw me with a group of my girlfriends that you would have no idea that I was ever any different than them. I have been successful at achieving that goal so I consider my transition and life a success.
I am really happy that they have had success in their transition to be honest, it is quite inspiring to see. I used to watch some of the people transition on Youtube, it was quite something to see the changes month by month.
I get jealous of course seeing how well a lot have them have turned out, especially since I wanted to model when I was younger. Then again I get jealous of cis women that look beautiful too, lol.
I posted earlier on this thread but after reading some of the comments, it reminds me of the song in Lost Horizon. For someone who is short, they think you are tall. To someone who is last, they are sure to think you are fast. I might add for someone who doesn't know the answer, if you do, they will think you are smart.
For each of us, no matter where we are in our transitions or look like, there is bound to be someone who will gladly change places with us. Doesn't matter what we look like in age or presentation. Think of how afraid we were when we first stepped out the door dressed. Now more than likely we don't give it a thought, someone else wishes they had our confidence. Post op. There are many who would kill for such a thing. Even just having the chance to dress and be ourselves. I am certain there are many who can't express themselves for one reason or another but need to. Look at the ones who just ask about using a washroom. Something we all need to do in one form or another.
I'm not an expert and I have a lot of things to still learn too, but no matter where we are or how we feel or look like be it age or physical, someone would like to be you.
Hugs to all of my sisters and peace to you all.
Love,
Clare
Quote from: April_TO on December 07, 2015, 01:12:46 PM
You nailed it :) Thanks for posting this.
Thanks. ^_^
Quote from: Gertrude on December 07, 2015, 03:29:28 PM
I have to wonder if some of us/ many have co-morbidities that come out with extreme behaviors or expectations? I think having other issues flavors both outlook and response. There's a lot to work through being trans by itself, but the whole person needs help.
Sent from my iPhone, inspected and certified by the NSA
I agree! The genderteam in Amsterdam also offers further counceling with other psychological issues. I think many people will benefit from that.
Its an old thread ... For me a allday topic. Between my last post and this i saw so much pretty girls. And sure you always ask yourself why youre not a bit pretty. Everyday. The mirror is your biggest enemy. Your body. I hate my body like nothing else. The truth about knowing that iam a woman was making me a very hateful person. Major feelings are hate and angry inside me. Maybe it was a mistake at all.
Quote from: galaxy on April 07, 2016, 06:23:23 PM
Its an old thread ... For me a allday topic. Between my last post and this i saw so much pretty girls. And sure you always ask yourself why youre not a bit pretty. Everyday. The mirror is your biggest enemy. Your body. I hate my body like nothing else. The truth about knowing that iam a woman was making me a very hateful person. Major feelings are hate and angry inside me. Maybe it was a mistake at all.
I know exactly how you feel, but coming out as trans is never a "bad" thing. Why should being honest about your feelings be considered "bad"?? Ask yourself this!
And yes, things can potentially go very depressing for when you're just starting. Heck: the elevator in the flat I'm living in has a giant mirror-wall in it. It's a nightmare! It drives me crazy every time I go out!
But this is one of those cases where thinking ahead is a good thing, and brings hope for the future. The fact that you're finally being honest and open about your identity is something that will lead to positive changes in the near future. This is coming from one depressed (pre-everything) transgender to another. :P
Just know that coming out as transgender is NEVER a mistake! Never. If anything, it's probably one of the bravest things you will have ever done in this life.
It doesnt matter to me. Coming out or not, honesty or not ... For a worth living future its not enough. Theres nothing in my life has in common with a woman's life. And this cant be the goal of any transition.
well, I've wasted 64 yeas of my life being wrong and believe me I know it sucks , but I'm enjoying my moment in the sunlight.
Don't kid yourself into thinking that the "pretty girls" have it any easier, sure they might "pass easier/better" but the feelings of humiliation and shame when for some reason they don't or when they are outted is just as real. Best not to worry what is going on with others, if you feel you want to do/be "better" then learn for your own mishaps and aim for the stars.
Common, nobody on these planet cares about your inner values, about empathy, about your feelings, loneliness or honesty. I'm really straight into these things. Its my natural desire but people dont care. They take a bulldozer and roll over your feelings. Our society works with 2 things only: beautiness and money. Thats whats counting. But iam not beautiful and have no money.
The values you describe not exist. Its only imagination to believe anybody cares about honesty or empathy. The result of helping others is mostly a backkick in your ass. I had it hundred times. Dont tell me fairytales. And my transition was a reason for many people to cancel the friendship. And i know they have a problem with my ugliness. I lost so much people because iam.ugly. Sure after all they couldnt be real friends but who is a real friend then? Iam so lonely. Day by day. Night by night.
I wish i would be a bit more beautiful.
I hope somehow you can find some light in all your darkness.
Quote from: galaxy on April 08, 2016, 04:46:01 PM
It doesnt matter to me. Coming out or not, honesty or not ... For a worth living future its not enough. Theres nothing in my life has in common with a woman's life. And this cant be the goal of any transition.
If you feel like a woman on the inside, then why not give it a shot and go live the life you want? The first step is the most important one. You're the only one who has to make a difference in your life. Moping about it really doesn't change anything, and trust me I know all about it.
For me, it depends. Sometimes it gives me hope that somehow I'll turn out looking female enough that no one will know I'm trans. Other times I think, I'll never look that good. It depends on my mood.
That said, it mostly helps me to know that transitioning is something I can do, and I'm not crazy for wanting to do it if so many others are.
Being pretty is no guarantee that one will be happier and enjoy a better life. Trust me! Mentally is where it really counts.
KayXo, wasn't sure if you were replying to me, but to clarify, I'm not worried about being pretty (lol, though that would be nice). I just don't want to be mistaken for a man.
Karlie Ann looking at your pic I don't see how you could ever be mastaken for as a man
Quote from: galaxy on April 08, 2016, 09:50:22 PM
And i know they have a problem with my ugliness. I lost so much people because iam.ugly. Sure after all they couldnt be real friends but who is a real friend then? Iam so lonely. Day by day. Night by night.
I wish i would be a bit more beautiful.
Honey, I've seen a good handful of your pics (you always take them down) and you are SOOO far from
ugly, omg. I know this forum can be ->-bleeped-<-y as all get out, but I absolutely promise you that you're not only passable but look beautiful... I mean, I have 0 reason for lying. What kills me is that you don't believe it yourself, and even as I type this, am convinced you won't believe me in this post either.
Please trust me.
Are you sure youre talking about me?
Quote from: Ⓥ on April 10, 2016, 10:52:54 AM
Honey, I've seen a good handful of your pics (you always take them down) and you are SOOO far from ugly, omg. I know this forum can be ->-bleeped-<-y as all get out, but I absolutely promise you that you're not only passable but look beautiful... I mean, I have 0 reason for lying. What kills me is that you don't believe it yourself, and even as I type this, am convinced you won't believe me in this post either.
Please trust me.
ditto
Yes??? And why nobody like my pictures on facebook? Or leaves s feedback here? No reaction means nothing good .. Thats sooo simple. Getting no feedback means you are far away from any good transition. And thats the truth.
Quote from: galaxy on April 10, 2016, 10:18:02 PM
Yes??? And why nobody like my pictures on facebook? Or leaves s feedback here? No reaction means nothing good .. Thats sooo simple. Getting no feedback means you are far away from any good transition. And thats the truth.
I've put my picture up in before and after and passing and no one comments so I take them down out of shame
Iam soo sorry for you. Its such a shame.
I wish i could give you a hug or two. :'( :'( :'(
Thats what iam talking about.
Galaxy, I've seen your pictures too. And I guarantee this is all in your mind.
For me, this has all been a game of managed expectations. I didn't transition until my mid 30's, which is not super late, but it's not 22 either. So my stated goal is to blend in with the other soccer moms. Being young and pretty is not attainable for me...no matter what I do. So I accept it, and find comfort in the thought that I do fit in with the soccer moms. I'm just a regular lady...and that's soooo much better than being a guy :)
Quote from: galaxy on April 10, 2016, 10:18:02 PM
Yes??? And why nobody like my pictures on facebook? Or leaves s feedback here? No reaction means nothing good .. Thats sooo simple. Getting no feedback means you are far away from any good transition. And thats the truth.
i find that women that look extremely passible are the ones that get fewer responses, especially if they are gorgeous at the same time, i have been guilty of being jealous of others on this forum and didn't respond to their pictures because i was a jealous bitch lol, but im sure i cannot be the only one that has done that
as for other transitions i found that before i was on hormones i would look to others transition timelines with a feeling of hopefullness, but now that i have been on hormones for just short of 3 years and don't see enough changes in myself i find that i see other transitioners (that are more successful than my self) with a feeling of jealousy and self doubt
then again maybe im the only one that has those problems
It's tough for me to see such lucky women with such natural beauty I have to admit. So envious of thick long hair & a shapely body....I've had lipo & a tummy tuck along with a face lift & other facial plastic surgery to look nicer. But we all cannot have a body like a young Elizabeth Taylor I guess. They are so lucky really. Oh well we're all alive & try to look our best so that's all we can do...
Quote from: Madison (kiara jamie) on April 11, 2016, 03:16:06 AM
i find that women that look extremely passible are the ones that get fewer responses, especially if they are gorgeous at the same time
Yep. I've encountered this, but I recognize what's going on. Still, external validation is nice, even if you technically know you're passable and/or good-looking. I mean, just because you know this and maybe feel it most of the time, doesn't mean it's constant or lasts forever.. Doesn't matter where you're at in your transition, most of us still want some sort of positive feedback from others, even if other people feel we don't need it.
Quote from: Kristinagl on April 10, 2016, 12:01:03 AM
Karlie Ann looking at your pic I don't see how you could ever be mastaken for as a man
You're sweet, Kristinagl, but I don't see it myself.
I think it depends how you look at the issue.
1 - you can compare yourself to them and everyone always sees at least one person better off than the rest. I've gotten jealous before of people who look amazing, but that is normal for everyone to some degree. Focusing on this is only going to make things worse.
Or,
2 - you can look up to them as an inspiration. These people are just like all of us, and have worked hard to transition. No one has it easy and seeing someone make it that far proves that it is most certainly very possible.
No one will look the same as each other, or even have the same experiences. However these people made it. You can too. There is some YMMV involved but one thing I notice with everyone who is "successful" (regardless of looks or anything) is that they made their own path and are HAPPY. Maybe they don't pass. Maybe they struggle with something such as work. Yet they are still enjoying life.
What I'm trying to say is, everyone can reach the same successful stage, in their own way.
Sorry for the sloppy typing, I'm doing this on my iPad.
Sophie
So many interesting posts in response here. What a diverse bunch we are :D
I recently attended a presentation and a film "Paper Tigers" about Adverse Childhood Experiences and Trauma Informed Care. More than one of the young women in the film appeared very attractive but looks didn't really guarantee success or happiness. Being stereotypically beautiful can come with it's own hassles and does not prevent abuse or keep our parents from throwing us out of the house. No one picked their parents or tossed the dice for what challenges they would face in life. Sometimes it really is a matter of chance?
I view another persons success in transitioning as a victory for that individual, their circle of support and the larger community. Really their success helps all of us here too. If not for the brave and successful souls that came before us there might not be options for us to consider.
Is our success really measured best in terms of our appearance? My greatest personal victory in the pursuit of happiness was simple self acceptance. Yes, I am transgender but that was hard for me to fully own for the longest time.
Bring on the success stories! Inspire, admire, and retire in the style that works for you.
I always just got hopeful... I never got any bad feelings from watching people who had happy transitions, they're uplifting. Not-so-good transitions on the other hand always seemed kind of demotivating, or made me feel helpless...
Quote from: Madison (kiara jamie) on April 11, 2016, 03:16:06 AM
i find that women that look extremely passible are the ones that get fewer responses, especially if they are gorgeous at the same time, i have been guilty of being jealous of others on this forum and didn't respond to their pictures because i was a jealous bitch lol, but im sure i cannot be the only one that has done that
as for other transitions i found that before i was on hormones i would look to others transition timelines with a feeling of hopefullness, but now that i have been on hormones for just short of 3 years and don't see enough changes in myself i find that i see other transitioners (that are more successful than my self) with a feeling of jealousy and self doubt
then again maybe im the only one that has those problems
Thats exactly what iam taking about. And YOU look thousand times better than me. So try to understand what i feel. And i know it will definitely kill me at some point.
Quote from: galaxy on April 10, 2016, 10:18:02 PM
Yes??? And why nobody like my pictures on facebook? Or leaves s feedback here? No reaction means nothing good .. Thats sooo simple. Getting no feedback means you are far away from any good transition. And thats the truth.
I know exactly how you feel. Most people just think I'm a guy, and when they find out I'm trans they often say they think it's a shame because I look like a handsome guy, which makes me feel even more like ->-bleeped-<-. As if I'm being ungrateful with just being a guy (I don't think I'm handsome at all, honestly).
It's hard to tell when people are trying to make you feel good, or are being honest about your appearance. Both type of replies can be very depressing, even with the best intentions. I try to leave my emotions at the door and take what I can from any opinion, but it's difficult.
I think if people are jealous of other people being happy and doing well in passing they are just bitter and insecure about themselves. I personally think it's great to see other people pass so well, if it makes them happy and their lives easier then I am happy for them ;D
Quote from: Jestwacked on April 12, 2016, 04:18:57 PM
I think if people are jealous of other people being happy and doing well in passing they are just bitter and insecure about themselves. I personally think it's great to see other people pass so well, if it makes them happy and their lives easier then I am happy for them ;D
I'm not sure about bitter, but isn't it a given that a lot of transgender people are insecure about themselves? I thought this was almost common knowledge by now.
I'm not unsecure. I'm jealous. Because i'm ugly. People looking at me because i'm looking like a typical trans woman. Masculine, bad hair and makeup. If i could i never would get out of bed or my flat.
Quote from: galaxy on April 12, 2016, 10:10:35 PM
People looking at me because i'm looking like a typical trans woman. Masculine, bad hair and makeup.
Wowww... okay. >_> If you don't want bad makeup, why not learn and practice? It's not like anyone is born with any natural advantages in that department. Same thing with hair, if it's a matter of styling. A lot of people, cis and trans alike, go through a lot to improve their appearance. It takes time, effort, patience, and perhaps money.
I dont need any advices. Did you ever had bad hair? My hair? Come here and try your styles. You dont know what you taking about. And i wrote bad hair, not bad makeup. But makeup at a masculine person looks ugly. Dont matter if its good or bad.
Quote from: Galyo on April 12, 2016, 09:50:35 PM
I'm not sure about bitter, but isn't it a given that a lot of transgender people are insecure about themselves? I thought this was almost common knowledge by now.
Every person is different, transgender or not, but alot of transgender I have met and myself included aren't insecure in that sort of way. Personally I am grateful of having the chance to transition into my correct body, it's something I've known since being a Child, so it's a wonderful oppurtunity ;D
I would like to rephrase what I said, not all of them would be ''bitter'' I suppose, and jealousy is more than natural, but people who are actively put off by others being happy goes beyond that. Comes back to the old saying, Love yourself to better love others <3
Quote from: galaxy on April 12, 2016, 10:10:35 PM
I'm not unsecure. I'm jealous. Because i'm ugly. People looking at me because i'm looking like a typical trans woman. Masculine, bad hair and makeup. If i could i never would get out of bed or my flat.
Your saying that the typical trans person is ugly, has bad hair and makeup? Couldn't disagree more, the vast amount of transgender people I have met, the one's who like makeup and doing their hair that is, do it better than some women do.
Like the user said above it takes time and practice.
Quote from: galaxy on April 12, 2016, 11:38:34 PM
I dont need any advices. Did you ever had bad hair? My hair? Come here and try your styles. You dont know what you taking about. And i wrote bad hair, not bad makeup. But makeup at a masculine person looks ugly. Dont matter if its good or bad.
Why are you assuming people you have never met don't know what their talking about?
Time for this thread to take a vacation. :police: