Last night my wife and I were on the Subway platform in Chelsea waiting for the 2/3 train to Wall St for the Transgender Economic Empowerment Forum where we saw Laverne Cox and CeCe McDonald. (The forum was a lot of fun and met a lot of interesting people.) I was wearing leggings, a long tunic sweater top and a long knee length jacket, so it's not like I was overly dressed for attention or anything. As we were waiting on the subway platform this mail 6ft tall mail street person approaches us and comments how tall I am and that I must be an Irish girl with my red hair. He didn't touch me or try to at this point, but it was what he was saying that was disturbing. After he stating I was pretty he started to touch me and backed away and my wife said to him that I'm her wife and you need to leave us alone. Then he said to me, "I want to put a baby in you!". I told him no, that was not going to happen and you need to get away from me NOW. We walk away from him and he said it again following us. We lead him to the stairs and quickly turned around and he got disoriented and finally walked away. 15 seconds later the train came and we got on. As we were on our way to Wall St, it really started to sink in what had just happened. My wife was also a little shocked as that had never happened to her. She felt bad that she didn't stop him before it got to that point, but I told her she didn't do anything wrong and he seemed like a harmless drunk at first, but we took action when it was needed and no one was hurt. She was worried if she was protecting me enough, and I told her that she was and we both have martial arts training so it would had been a really short fight.
We enjoyed the forum and meeting all kinds of people (trans and trans allies) and that certainly took my mind over what happened. Our subway ride home was uneventful as it should be. On a fun note, we did have this (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,200567.0.html) happen prior to this.
I'm sorry that happened to you! Some people never learn boundaries.
Hi Sydney,
Its so wonderful your wife was concerned like that.. sounds like Sandi.. my ex ..
She must be so wonderful..
Anyway, its hard to get used to but as women we are treated differently by seems like everyone.. including other women.. but its nice to be in the world we were supposed to be right?
Love
Keri
Sydney, I am sorry that happened to both of you. Some people are really rude and have no respect for others. Your wife sounds wonderful.
that happened to me about a month ago in a Subway sandwich shop at 12AM. It's quite annoying. It also bothers me because I can't hold back a male voice when I get pissed.
I had been extremely reluctant to click this thread because I thought this was going to be an anti-trans related harassment incident. I typically don't do well with learning how transphobic some people can be; it literally discourages me and puts a damper on any positive vibes I am feeling.
Not that I am glad you got sexually harassed, but at least this says a lot about how well you pass in public that a man would say that to you. It is still very inappropriate what he did, and I think you and your wife handled the situation well and calmly, so good on you both for that! Hopefully you weren't left too rattled by the incident.
I work at a fast food joint and was serving this young male at our drive-thru. He whipped his privates out as I was talking to him and he started masturbating right there and then in his car, all while looking at me intently. It was definitely a night I will never forget, for the wrong reasons of course.
Quote from: Roni on December 09, 2015, 11:05:55 PM
I had been extremely reluctant to click this thread because I thought this was going to be an anti-trans related harassment incident. I typically don't do well with learning how transphobic some people can be; it literally discourages me and puts a damper on any positive vibes I am feeling.
Not that I am glad you got sexually harassed, but at least this says a lot about how well you pass in public that a man would say that to you. It is still very inappropriate what he did, and I think you and your wife handled the situation well and calmly, so good on you both for that! Hopefully you weren't left too rattled by the incident.
I work at a fast food joint and was serving this young male at our drive-thru. He whipped his privates out as I was talking to him and he started masturbating right there and then in his car, all while looking at me intently. It was definitely a night I will never forget, for the wrong reasons of course.
Eeew!!! I'm so sorry that happened to you :o That's just horrid on so many levels - and a sex crime too :police:
I wish I could say that I couldn't believe guys could be like that; but they can and are. It's why we can't let feminism die out.
I've had incidents similar - one where a man was walking towards me and started shouting: "I'm going to f**k you". I suppose it was to impress his friends... Another was a complete classic in that I had the guts to be out alone at 7 p.m. >:( Seriously, 7 p.m. and I got hassled for doing nothing more than smoking a cigarette in the outside bit of a coffee shop. A man came up and was all like: "Hi darling, you look nice, have you got a spare cigarette?" Initially I tried to be dismissive but he came up close and started asking for the remains of the one I was already smoking and just wouldn't leave it. I, as expected, sort of shoved the half-a-->-bleeped-<- at him then walked off as quickly as I could without making further eye contact.
It's a cigarette; but the point is that I was intimidated into handing over my own property :(
Sydney,
I wanted to publicly say that you were most likely the first person to reach out to me when I was first beginning transition and helped me and I want to thank you!
You are an awesome woman.
We have both come such a long way since then.. were just a couple of chicks now living life..
Its wonderful
Keri
Quote from: Roni on December 09, 2015, 11:05:55 PM
I had been extremely reluctant to click this thread because I thought this was going to be an anti-trans related harassment incident. I typically don't do well with learning how transphobic some people can be; it literally discourages me and puts a damper on any positive vibes I am feeling.
Not that I am glad you got sexually harassed, but at least this says a lot about how well you pass in public that a man would say that to you. It is still very inappropriate what he did, and I think you and your wife handled the situation well and calmly, so good on you both for that! Hopefully you weren't left too rattled by the incident.
I work at a fast food joint and was serving this young male at our drive-thru. He whipped his privates out as I was talking to him and he started masturbating right there and then in his car, all while looking at me intently. It was definitely a night I will never forget, for the wrong reasons of course.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. No one should ever have to see something like that without consent.
----------------------------------
Thank you everyone for your comments and I agree I do have an awesome wife. The incident rattled me a little afterwards, and I've had my butt pinched on the subway before where the guy took off and couldn't even look at me and ran to the next car that didn't bother me as much. This incident bothered me more in that his intention was to rape me and this was a little after 5pm and on a non-empty subway platform.
Quote from: Keri - formerly known as Dodie on December 10, 2015, 01:56:24 PM
Sydney,
I wanted to publicly say that you were most likely the first person to reach out to me when I was first beginning transition and helped me and I want to thank you!
You are an awesome woman.
We have both come such a long way since then.. were just a couple of chicks now living life..
Its wonderful
Keri
Thank you :) and yes we have :)
That is just...crazy. I knew the subway was full of crazies! I try not to ride at night now.
Quote from: iKate on December 10, 2015, 02:46:54 PM
That is just...crazy. I knew the subway was full of crazies! I try not to ride at night now.
It was at the 14th St (and 7th Ave) Street Station in Chelsea at the beginning of the rush hour that it happened at. We went to late dinner after the event back in Chelsea (there's nothing open in the Wall St area after 10pm). Coming home at 1:30am, we had zero harassment issues as it should be.
Yeesh, that is super creepy. Men like that have zero respect for women. Sexual harassment (as opposed to anti trans harassment) is one of a number of less awesome things about living as a woman. I have to say I went into transition with eyes fairly wide open, knowing that street level sexual harassment was a thing for women and could happen to me, but when it did happen in a very creepy way it totally undermined my confidence and sense of safety for a few days. Hope you're OK now.
I recently had some random guy bark at me to get out of his way, then turn around and invited me to sleep with him. I was in San Francisco CA, so this is a pretty widespread thing that some men just feel comfortable making demands of women. Luckily, I was in a very public place and he didn't try anything in broad daylight, but it seriously made me uncomfortable. I wish this kind of stuff didn't happen, but it happens all too often, not that I'm saying it's ok or that we should accept harassment as commonplace occurrences.
Hugs,
- Katie
Sent from Katie's iPad using Tapatalk
Hate to say it but there are a LOT of creepy, unpleasant, and misogynistic men out there. I've been fortunate to have had very few problems with transphobia and trans-related incidents, but I've most certainly had some unpleasant experiences just being a woman...
Quote from: Ashey on December 11, 2015, 02:15:14 PM
Hate to say it but there are a LOT of creepy, unpleasant, and misogynistic men out there. I've been fortunate to have had very few problems with transphobia and trans-related incidents, but I've most certainly had some unpleasant experiences just being a woman...
Ditto that Ashey..
Quote from: Ashey on December 11, 2015, 02:15:14 PM
Hate to say it but there are a LOT of creepy, unpleasant, and misogynistic men out there. I've been fortunate to have had very few problems with transphobia and trans-related incidents, but I've most certainly had some unpleasant experiences just being a woman...
Pretty much this.
Especially in the areas with people from my country, I get catcalled and basically hollered at like a piece of meat. Guys talking to my chest isn't helpful either, and even at work I have issues being talked over or treated like I don't know what I'm talking about.
On the bright side, in my rural, conservative community everyone is so nice. I mean, guys open doors, offer to help me load groceries in my car, and other little things. Store clerks and store owners are very helpful. This is a significant change from pre transition.
Quote from: iKate on December 19, 2015, 09:03:31 PM
Pretty much this.
Especially in the areas with people from my country, I get catcalled and basically hollered at like a piece of meat. Guys talking to my chest isn't helpful either, and even at work I have issues being talked over or treated like I don't know what I'm talking about.
On the bright side, in my rural, conservative community everyone is so nice. I mean, guys open doors, offer to help me load groceries in my car, and other little things. Store clerks and store owners are very helpful. This is a significant change from pre transition.
Same here. I've noticed that in suburbia, people do tend to open doors for me and generally nicer, but I've experienced that in the city too, it just depends on the person. Most of my clients are in suburbia in office building but I do have some inner-city clients. Some in some rough neighborhoods like Elizabeth and Newark, NJ. Warehouses aren't always in the nicest areas, but they do run our software.
No one has been as forward with me as they have with you, but on Facebook and AARP sight when I went on as female, some guys came out of the woodwork and were trying to take me under their wing and make me a part of their harem. It was enlightening. Mostly I just ignored it. It's like when some guys see what they perceive as an unattached woman, they attempt to take them under their wing. They just feel we need male protection.
Quote from: michelle on December 19, 2015, 11:56:55 PM
.... It's like when some guys see what they perceive as an unattached woman, they attempt to take them under their wing. They just feel we need male protection.
Sometimes it's even worse when they find our your attached to another woman. One time my wife and I were standing in line at Target and some guy was hitting on me. He was admiring my height and was using it as a pickup line. He asked if I had a boyfriend and I told him no, but here is my wife. (She was standing right beside me.) He still kept hitting on me and then finally it was his turn for the checkout. Then the cashier commented on what a character this guy was and was hitting on her. After she told him she had a husband then he was telling her that he wanted to turn me straight.
Certainly validating, but annoying.
Quote from: Keri - formerly known as Dodie on December 19, 2015, 07:48:53 PM
Ditto that Ashey..
Me too lol!! :) Sometimes it's just harmless flirting; but it can also be nasty too. Even just the slavering predator looks we get on the street. Seriously some boy yesterday driving past - made my skin crawl.
And you look amazing in the new picture Keri! Really stunning :)
Sydney, I'm sorry this happened to you. My sister in Paris gets a lot of rather unpleasant experiences from guys. It's this kind of thing which puts me off presenting as female.
Quote from: Kimberley Beauregard on December 20, 2015, 06:08:34 AM
Sydney, I'm sorry this happened to you. My sister in Paris gets a lot of rather unpleasant experiences from guys. It's this kind of thing which puts me off presenting as female.
Just don't let men ever affect your view of your own womanhood. I know it's easy to say things like 'it sucks being a woman' or 'I hate being a woman' because of how men treat us, but that has nothing to do with actually being a woman, and it's a slippery slope turning that self loathing into misogyny and being an apologist for men (which I think is disgusting and unfortunate). Yes it can be difficult dealing with men, but try not to let it get to you. Sadly, it's something you're going to have to learn to deal with like every other woman does...
Quote from: Ashey on December 20, 2015, 10:15:18 AM
Just don't let men ever affect your view of your own womanhood. I know it's easy to say things like 'it sucks being a woman' or 'I hate being a woman' because of how men treat us, but that has nothing to do with actually being a woman, and it's a slippery slope turning that self loathing into misogyny and being an apologist for men (which I think is disgusting and unfortunate). Yes it can be difficult dealing with men, but try not to let it get to you. Sadly, it's something you're going to have to learn to deal with like every other woman does...
Thanks for that, Ashey. You're absolutely right, I shouldn't let those guys ruins things for me. I'm only doing myself a disservice otherwise.
On an unrelated note, I'm fortunate enough to know plenty of decent guys. It can take one ->-bleeped-<- head to ruin things and there are enough of them.
Quote from: Kimberley Beauregard on December 20, 2015, 06:08:34 AM
Sydney, I'm sorry this happened to you. My sister in Paris gets a lot of rather unpleasant experiences from guys. It's this kind of thing which puts me off presenting as female.
It's one of those things that wouldn't prevent me as presenting as my true self. I wouldn't let anyone take that power away from me. But is does point out that I need to be a little more prepared. Like carrying pepper spay or something.
Quote from: Kimberley Beauregard on December 20, 2015, 06:08:34 AM
Sydney, I'm sorry this happened to you. My sister in Paris gets a lot of rather unpleasant experiences from guys. It's this kind of thing which puts me off presenting as female.
Eh its bad sometimes but for me being able to live authentically it's worth it.
Quote from: Sydney_NYC on December 20, 2015, 12:31:05 PM
It's one of those things that wouldn't prevent me as presenting as my true self. I wouldn't let anyone take that power away from me. But is does point out that I need to be a little more prepared. Like carrying pepper spay or something.
Yeah and the thing is most men will not turn it violent. But if they do, you'll be prepared.
Being seriously hit on by men is a sign you are passing. Me for the most part, I have attained gray-haired granny status by most people I see on the street. We were all in a Mobile station where the others buy their cigarettes were my girlfriend and her daughter were talking the cashier and they got into explaining our relationships. My girlfriend and my 12-year-old son was there and they tried to explain that I was the boy's father and she just didn't seem to to get it. She would look at me and seemed to be puzzling out how I could be the boy's father. Go figure, I must be getting the granny thing down, despite the fact that I have never had hormones nor surgery. I just wear padded bras 24/7/365 and no one has seen me as anything other than a granny.
That is my sign that I must be passing more in public than I am in my own mind. With you, your sign may be that no one can view you as your wife's husband. As for me, nothing can take away my womanhood because I am a woman, period, end of discussion. Fifty-three years living a butch lifestyle couldn't change that, so neither will what other's think.
QuoteI had been extremely reluctant to click this thread because I thought this was going to be an anti-trans related harassment incident. I typically don't do well with learning how transphobic some people can be; it literally discourages me and puts a damper on any positive vibes I am feeling.
Not that I am glad you got sexually harassed, but at least this says a lot about how well you pass in public that a man would say that to you. It is still very inappropriate what he did, and I think you and your wife handled the situation well and calmly, so good on you both for that! Hopefully you weren't left too rattled by the incident.
I work at a fast food joint and was serving this young male at our drive-thru. He whipped his privates out as I was talking to him and he started masturbating right there and then in his car, all while looking at me intently. It was definitely a night I will never forget, for the wrong reasons of course.
Wow, I thought the chuckleheads I encounter from time to time at the gas station I work were bad. BTW, I'm reminded of a scene from the movie about a transgender woman, Boy Meets Girl, where there is a flashback scene to her childhood and she is with a group of girls on Halloween who encounter a local perv who exposes himself to them.
Today was... I dunno, kind of weird. At least 10 guys tried to talk to me and one of them just said I'm pretty and asked for my number. Well okay then! I do get some street harassment but today I got about 3x more than usual. I'm chalking it up to the increased alcohol consumption around town.
Quote from: iKate on December 28, 2015, 07:50:14 PM
Today was... I dunno, kind of weird. At least 10 guys tried to talk to me and one of them just said I'm pretty and asked for my number. Well okay then! I do get some street harassment but today I got about 3x more than usual. I'm chalking it up to the increased alcohol consumption around town.
Tis the Season.
More tourists in town this time of year too, especially in Midtown where you work. I'm going to be in Midtown on New Years Eve for a party (not at Times Square, but not too far) so I'm preparing for it.