Hello everyone.
I have been on this website for a little while now. I have been getting some great support from people I have never met and I am very great fun for that.
Today I learnt that I am not capable of accepting myself and only offend people when I ask questions. I most definitely do not want to offend anybody. It seems that everybody here has either known from a very young age they are trans or those that found out later in life now know for certain that they are trans. I did not always know and I don't anything for certain now. All I know is that I don't fit in.
My posts are all depressing and I don't have anything to offer anyone else. So the best thing is probably for me to leave and just work this out on my own.
I wish you all the very best in life and hope the new year is good to you all.
Take care.
Jayne/John???
Know that sounds silly.
I'd much rather you stayed.
Please?
If anyone is hassling you report them and it will be dealt with.
Cindy
Forum Admin
I don't think I'm being hassled Cindy. It's just a misunderstanding. Sometimes it can be difficult to say what you mean with only types words. It is for me anyway. I know that it can be easy to misinterpret someone's words when not talking face to face.
I may stay. I don't know yet. I'm feeling pretty low right now and kind of lost. I'm actually fighting back tears right now because I'm at work and I don't want anyone to start asking questions because I think the waterworks might start.
J
Some of us are here to help others as a way of working though our own problems, and I'm quite certain I'm not the only one. You're being here, and however depressing your posts might be (or not), that's likely helping others not just yourself. I'd likely not be here if everyone was happy and had found their way. Its a community, we all add to it, we all fit somewhere.
Personally I'm a bit lost, but I've mostly managed to accept it. I am what I am, just not really sure what that is sometimes, and that's fine. Give it time. Lots and lots of time.
Jayne, we hope you stay. If something is wrong, as Cindy pointed out, please let us know. We can't fix what we don't know about. Questions are a big way how we learn and grow through our journeys and so important along our transitions. So always feel free to ask questions. Hugs
Mariah
Sometimes when we are at our lowest we can never see the sun.
When despair reaches a point when only removal from life seems the only option we have to find something.
When the tears were dripping from my eyes soaking the pillow and nothing was worth facing the next 10 mins I found a strength; I do not to this day know from where. But I wasn't, couldn't, never would give in and let those who abused me win.
You are facing a bad time and have reached despair. But by being here you are stronger. No one likes being TG. No one wants to be.
But I am.
You may be.
There is strength in that. There is strength in questioning.
I offer you my hand to hold when it gets too much. And I never let go.
nothing wrong with sticking around and asking all the questions you want. I ask a lot of questions and sometimes think the towns people might get annoyed , I hope not , but we're all here to help each other and move on in life.
Thank you all for being kind. I just don't know what I need.
I'll sleep on it when I finish work in the morning and see how I feel after some rest.
Please stay, Jayne. We need you, to help people like you. It's really important to have late-blooming questioning folk around. I fit that description too. There are a bunch of us here. If not for people like us... then people like us wouldn't find voices here that resonate with our experiences. If you only heard all the self-doubt that I shared with my therapist... believe me, it's been a long hard road to accepting myself, and I still have at least a day every week that I think that I might have just been imagining it all.
Quote from: Jayne01 on December 31, 2015, 12:42:09 AM
Hello everyone.
I have been on this website for a little while now. I have been getting some great support from people I have never met and I am very great fun for that.
Today I learnt that I am not capable of accepting myself and only offend people when I ask questions. I most definitely do not want to offend anybody. It seems that everybody here has either known from a very young age they are trans or those that found out later in life now know for certain that they are trans. I did not always know and I don't anything for certain now. All I know is that I don't fit in.
My posts are all depressing and I don't have anything to offer anyone else. So the best thing is probably for me to leave and just work this out on my own.
I wish you all the very best in life and hope the new year is good to you all.
Take care.
Jayne/John???
Don't feel like that my posts are always depressing but these people are good hearted people that won't show anyone away no matter what your story is. Look at my threads some of it is the most heart wrenching around. They are so depressing I normally write them in the moments when I am breaking down.
We are here to help you or just be a shoulder to cry on because we are family end whether you don't fit a box does not matter you are you and we love you for just being you! Is that not the reason all of us is here to be ourselves.
hugs and love Amoray :)
*
Jayne:
The journey did not end because I knew my self at an early age - it merely took me down that path rather than another; likely the same, that it did not end for those who found it later in life.
Maybe I was lucky not to have as many doubts as others, but I still fought my self and others to get where I am today and where I hope to be tomorrow.
You are capable of everything you choose to do including determining for your own self your own path at your own time and your own pace. You do 'fit' - you 'fit' in your own place in this world as the unique person you are however you define your self; do not allow others to.take your self-determination from you.
Wise people learn by using the Socratic Method of questions and answers. I do not consider questioning and self-doubt as 'depression' but as worthwhile self-exploration.
Huggs again. Sharon
*
Thank you all once again. I feel a little embarrassed now. I was feeling really depressed when I started this thread and within minutes I started getting messages of support and encouragement. You are all such nice people. Thank you again for being so kind. :)
Quote from: Jayne01 on December 31, 2015, 04:31:14 AM
Thank you all once again. I feel a little embarrassed now. I was feeling really depressed when I started this thread and within minutes I started getting messages of support and encouragement. You are all such nice people. Thank you again for being so kind. :)
Do not be embarrassed. We all go through this stuff including running away and coming back. You are an amateur compared to me because I think I hold the record for departures and returns on here. When you have done it a couple of dozen times let me know ;-)
:)
Hi Jayne,
I'm glad you are feeling a little bit better today. Your pain is my pain and I went to sleep last night feeling bad about the lowest point you had reached. Reading you now I am relieved and happy that you are better, if just a little bit. I hope nothing I said last night was harmful and if it was I'm sorry. Sometimes maybe I push a wrong button when trying to communicate complex ideas and emotions over the Internet. It would be so much easier in person. Just remember that the light always follows the darkness as long as you keep your eyes open and keep looking.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Hi Deborah. You didn't say anything to upset me. Don't apologise, there is no need. I'm sorry I caused you to feel bad. I know it can sometimes be very difficult to convey a message over the Internet unless you are very skilled with words. I lack that skill and getting the thoughts in my head into words doesn't come easy. It's the engineer in me! Maybe I can come up with some mathematical formula to say what I want:) hmmmm....... I'll get back to you on that.
J
y=xz. Where y is how you feel, x is where you began, and z is a complex variable representing the process of aligning y and x.
If you find the universal solution for z you win the Nobel prize.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Deborah, I came up with a sort of formula/program. It probably makes no sense but it is 11pm on New Years Eve and I am at work, so sense is kind of out the window. :)
GD = INT ;Gender Dysphoria %
D = INT ;Depression %
R = INT ;Reasonableness % ie. Ability to think rationally
T = STRING ;Thoughts
START
WHILE GD>0
THEN IF D>0
R=100-((GD+D)/2)
ELSE
R=100-GD
IF R>50
THEN T="NONSENSE"
ELSE T="SENSIBLE"
GOTO START
END
J
Your formula actually makes sense to me. I don't have a solution for z, but the formula actually makes sense to me. I was joking when I said a mathematical formula would make more sense to me. Who knew you would come up with something so simple, yet make sense! Thank you. :)
J
Quote from: Jayne01 on December 31, 2015, 06:12:29 AM
Deborah, I came up with a sort of formula/program. It probably makes no sense but it is 11pm on New Years Eve and I am at work, so sense is kind of out the window. :)
GD = INT ;Gender Dysphoria %
D = INT ;Depression %
R = INT ;Reasonableness % ie. Ability to think rationally
T = STRING ;Thoughts
START
WHILE GD>0
THEN IF D>0
R=100-((GD+D)/2)
ELSE
R=100-GD
IF R>50
THEN T="NONSENSE"
ELSE T="SENSIBLE"
GOTO START
END
J
As far as I can see that program only produces no output since the loop variable GD stops the loop from executing. "GD" is uninitialisid but a lot of languages would zero it by default. The program will loop infinitely because of the GOTO, going round and round with no outcome.
Looks like COBOL. I have not done COBOL since 1988.
It's not an actual programming language. More of a concept. I have only ever done PASCAL and some assembly language. Both a very long time ago.
Jayne, I may seem like one of the confident ones, but I wasn't always. I started two years ago begging for it not to be true, gradually I became unsure if it's true or not, like you, then eventually and not that long ago, I became resigned. Eventually I became joyful that I'm trans because I came to see that accepting myself has made me a happier, more likeable person. The timeframe doesn't matter. Whether it's two months, two years or two decades, the growth and self knowledge this path brings are worth the pain and suffering to me. I absolutely believe you'll get their eventually. And, Jayne, your sadness and the posts it causes, while perhaps painful to the sympathetic, are to us the struggles of a beautiful baby girl being born. I doubt anyone here regrets dealing with them.
Since the web/internet is the defining technology of the early 21st Century, here is my version in PHP
<?php
$time = 0; // Number of days into transition
do {
$misgendering = mt_rand( 0, 99 ); // Random misgendering factor
$hormoneLevel = mt_rand( 0, 99 );
$depression = mt_rand( 0, 99 );
$seeingChanges = ($time - 273 );
$gd = $seeingChanges +
$hormoneLevel -
intval( ($misgendering + $depression)/2);
$yukFactor = abs($gd);
if ( $yukFactor > 150 )
echo "Argghh ";
else
if ( $yukFactor > 100 )
echo "Feel cr*p ";
else
if ( $yukFactor > 50 )
echo "Grumble ";
else
if ( $yukFactor > 25 )
echo "Um...";
else
echo "Coping ... ";
$time += 7;
echo "<br/>"; // newline
} while ( $gd < 0 );
echo "<br/>Cured! Or happy at least ;)";
Which produces
Argghh
Argghh
Argghh
Argghh
Argghh
Argghh
Argghh
Argghh
Argghh
Argghh
Feel cr*p
Argghh
Argghh
Argghh
Argghh
Argghh
Argghh
Feel cr*p
Argghh
Grumble
Feel cr*p
Feel cr*p
Grumble
Feel cr*p
Argghh
Grumble
Feel cr*p
Feel cr*p
Feel cr*p
Um...
Grumble
Grumble
Grumble
Grumble
Grumble
Grumble
Um...
Coping ...
Cured! Or happy at least ;)
I know.. I am a bit sad to be doing this sort of stuff on New Year's Eve when I have some SSL Certs to sort out and a party to organise.
You are exactly the type of person this web site was designed for. All of us go through that stage were nothing is working and they need a push from others to get moving. I was no exception but I needed my push in the 1970's and it came in the form of group therapy. It takes time to get over what you are feeling and if you don't stay with us, you will have to face this again at a latter date. My advice to you is stay with us while you get this figured out and some day in the future you will find yourself helping others deal with the same issues.
Quote from: pyhxbp on December 31, 2015, 07:04:28 AM
Since the web/internet is the defining technology of the early 21st Century, here is my version in PHP
<?php
$time = 0; // Number of days into transition
do {
$misgendering = mt_rand( 0, 99 ); // Random misgendering factor
$hormoneLevel = mt_rand( 0, 99 );
$depression = mt_rand( 0, 99 );
$seeingChanges = ($time - 273 );
$gd = $seeingChanges +
$hormoneLevel -
intval( ($misgendering + $depression)/2);
$yukFactor = abs($gd);
if ( $yukFactor > 150 )
echo "Argghh ";
else
if ( $yukFactor > 100 )
echo "Feel cr*p ";
else
if ( $yukFactor > 50 )
echo "Grumble ";
else
if ( $yukFactor > 25 )
echo "Um...";
else
echo "Coping ... ";
$time += 7;
echo "<br/>"; // newline
} while ( $gd < 0 );
echo "<br/>Cured! Or happy at least ;)";
Which produces
Argghh
Argghh
Argghh
Argghh
Argghh
Argghh
Argghh
Argghh
Argghh
Argghh
Feel cr*p
Argghh
Argghh
Argghh
Argghh
Argghh
Argghh
Feel cr*p
Argghh
Grumble
Feel cr*p
Feel cr*p
Grumble
Feel cr*p
Argghh
Grumble
Feel cr*p
Feel cr*p
Feel cr*p
Um...
Grumble
Grumble
Grumble
Grumble
Grumble
Grumble
Um...
Coping ...
Cured! Or happy at least ;)
I know.. I am a bit sad to be doing this sort of stuff on New Year's Eve when I have some SSL Certs to sort out and a party to organise.
Lol! Thanks. You made me laugh. I needed that. :)
Happy new year by the way. It's 2016 here in Sydney!
Quote from: Dena on December 31, 2015, 07:21:13 AM
You are exactly the type of person this web site was designed for. All of us go through that stage were nothing is working and they need a push from others to get moving. I was no exception but I needed my push in the 1970's and it came in the form of group therapy. It takes time to get over what you are feeling and if you don't stay with us, you will have to face this again at a latter date. My advice to you is stay with us while you get this figured out and some day in the future you will find yourself helping others deal with the same issues.
Thanks Dena. Now that I've settled somewhat and thinking a little clearer, I decided not to leave. You have all been way too good to me. I owe it to all of you to stick around and try and work myself out. Thank you all.
There are positive aspects too Maybe you can identify some of your personality characteristics that are rather uncommon in males but which you like very much. I have a few myself. I can't prove it but I'm sure that and trans are connected. So with all the bad there is good also.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Quote from: Amoré on December 31, 2015, 02:35:54 AM
Don't feel like that my posts are always depressing but these people are good hearted people that won't show anyone away no matter what your story is. Look at my threads some of it is the most heart wrenching around. They are so depressing I normally write them in the moments when I am breaking down.
We are here to help you or just be a shoulder to cry on because we are family end whether you don't fit a box does not matter you are you and we love you for just being you! Is that not the reason all of us is here to be ourselves.
hugs and love Amoray :)
Great post Amoray - encourages me too!
Jayne - Glad you are sticking around! What I really appreciate about this forum is that there is a tremendous effort by our community to be supportive, loving, and understanding - in spite of our own weaknesses. Sometimes we'll seem to be not so loving because we are all far from perfect people, but we'll try to learn from our mistakes and keep on trying to become better people. There are going to be times when each of us needs to vent, and maybe even keep on venting for quite awhile; please fee free to do so during such times. We're here to listen.
Happy New Year everyone!
Love,
Denali
Quote from: Jayne01 on December 31, 2015, 07:27:50 AM
Lol! Thanks. You made me laugh. I needed that. :)
:)
Quote from: Jayne01 on December 31, 2015, 07:27:50 AM
Happy new year by the way. It's 2016 here in Sydney!
Another 10 hours until it happens here. Happy New Year
Well, I'm glad this worked itself out! ;D
Hugs, Devlyn
Quote from: pyhxbp on December 31, 2015, 07:04:28 AM
Since the web/internet is the defining technology of the early 21st Century, here is my version in PHP
<?php
$time = 0; // Number of days into transition
do {
$misgendering = mt_rand( 0, 99 ); // Random misgendering factor
$hormoneLevel = mt_rand( 0, 99 );
$depression = mt_rand( 0, 99 );
$seeingChanges = ($time - 273 );
$gd = $seeingChanges +
$hormoneLevel -
intval( ($misgendering + $depression)/2);
$yukFactor = abs($gd);
if ( $yukFactor > 150 )
echo "Argghh ";
else
if ( $yukFactor > 100 )
echo "Feel cr*p ";
else
if ( $yukFactor > 50 )
echo "Grumble ";
else
if ( $yukFactor > 25 )
echo "Um...";
else
echo "Coping ... ";
$time += 7;
echo "<br/>"; // newline
} while ( $gd < 0 );
echo "<br/>Cured! Or happy at least ;)";
Which produces
Argghh
Argghh
Argghh
Argghh
Argghh
Argghh
Argghh
Argghh
Argghh
Argghh
Feel cr*p
Argghh
Argghh
Argghh
Argghh
Argghh
Argghh
Feel cr*p
Argghh
Grumble
Feel cr*p
Feel cr*p
Grumble
Feel cr*p
Argghh
Grumble
Feel cr*p
Feel cr*p
Feel cr*p
Um...
Grumble
Grumble
Grumble
Grumble
Grumble
Grumble
Um...
Coping ...
Cured! Or happy at least ;)
I know.. I am a bit sad to be doing this sort of stuff on New Year's Eve when I have some SSL Certs to sort out and a party to organise.
Lol, I wish you could "like" comments here sometimes, this made my smile too!
Jayne, I hope you feel better. It doesn't matter how helpful you feel, you help people just by being here. We are a community and in some sence a weird online family.
Quote from: Kova V on December 31, 2015, 10:59:01 AM
We are a community and in some sence a weird online family.
This tune popped into my head reading that.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=X6QzbvH-ZNo&list=RDX6QzbvH-ZNo
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
There are always 3 steps in helping you move forward and never have to stop to worry where you were...
1. Put your Left Foot forward.
2. Put your Right Foot forward.
3. Go back to step 1.
Follow those 3 Steps and you will always move ahead. :)
Quote from: Deborah on December 31, 2015, 01:41:26 PM
This tune popped into my head reading that.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=X6QzbvH-ZNo&list=RDX6QzbvH-ZNo
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Hats off to you for thinking of this.
Jayne, keep ya chin up. Glad you are staying. We all feel like this sometimes and i know over the last few months i've been one of them, but at the end of the day i come on here and i feel better.
Happy new year
Sophie
Jayne,
Glad to hear you are staying. Your situation is very much like mine, and like you I get depressed. It is good to have family to bounce things off of and get support.
I have been visiting my kids and they have a little plaque that says "Remember, people think we are a nice, normal, family." Fortunately they got that BEFORE they knew i was trans*.
Happy New Year! (I am still in 2015...)
Erin
Thank you all so much for your support. I feel humbled to be here and be thought of as part of the community. I had no idea that I was helping anybody. I always felt a bit of a leech just sucking information out but not having anything to give back. But now that I think about it I have been helped by others like me just by reading a thread that they started and not necessarily participating in the conversation. I hope some of my threads I have started have helped others.
I feel much better today. Thanks for sticking by me.
J
Moving forward first requires a question. We are generally tought that we start with a theory and then test it. That is not correct. Think about gravity. The theory was put togather because someone asked "Why did that fall down rather than another direction?"
You are struggling and asking good, but difficult questions. Just because others found their answers quickly and easily does not mean you will find them over the same time frame. It also does not mean their answers are your answers.
I am happy that you are going to stay. Helping others ask good questions is a wonderful gift, even if it is under appreciated. THAT, I know you have done.
Hugs
Jen
Thank you Jen.
I'm happy you are staying too :-*
Just your being here and thriving is thanks enough. I'm glad to see your staying. Hugs
Mariah
Quote from: Jayne01 on January 01, 2016, 12:48:50 AM
Thank you all so much for your support. I feel humbled to be here and be thought of as part of the community. I had no idea that I was helping anybody. I always felt a bit of a leech just sucking information out but not having anything to give back. But now that I think about it I have been helped by others like me just by reading a thread that they started and not necessarily participating in the conversation. I hope some of my threads I have started have helped others.
I feel much better today. Thanks for sticking by me.
J
You people are so nice. You make the world a better place.
Quote from: Jayne01 on January 01, 2016, 01:58:46 AM
You people are so nice. You make the world a better place.
Just remember, you do too. :)
Quote from: Jayne01 on January 01, 2016, 12:48:50 AM
But now that I think about it I have been helped by others like me just by reading a thread that they started and not necessarily participating in the conversation. I hope some of my threads I have started have helped others.
Perhaps even more than you know. Think about this, in those threads that helped you, were there topics you were ashamed or embarrassed to start threads about? Were any of them things you hadn't thought to ask? I know that I can answer yes to both of those questions.
Sorry to hear that, Jayne! I really hope you will stay!
Sometimes in asking a question, we expect a certain type of answers. When we don't get them, it can feel frustrationg. Sometimes the suggestions we're offered can be too challenging for our state of mind.
Whatever the answers/ reactions you got, I am sure people had no ill intentions. We are a community here. Please be strong hun. You might need some time for yourself away from this website, but please don't delete your profile so you can always come back on here.
hugs,
Rita
I'm thinking about leaving here again. The reason being that I think when I visit this website it keeps my dysphoria and everything trans in the front of my mind. I find myself checking the site for any new stuff continuously throughout the day on my phone. You are all very kind and try very hard to help total strangers. I'll never forget that. But I don't think it is in my best interest. I don't want to be a woman. That is the complete opposite of what everyone here seems to want. You have all in your own way accepted yourselves as being trans and you seem to WANT to be the opposite sex. I absolutely positively do NOT want to be a woman. I want to be a man and just get on with my life. I do NOT want to transition. I do NOT want HRT. I do NOT want to crossdress. And the more this stuff stays in the front of my mind the closer I get to NOT wanting to live anymore. And that scares the ->-bleeped-<- out of me.
I might take Rita's advice and just take a break away from the website.
Please don't anybody take this personally as something you may have said. This is just me. If I find that I can't stay away, I might need to delete my account so that I can't log back in. But for now I'll keep it.
So I guess this is goodbye, for now anyway. Thank you all so much for everything you have done for me. I'm sorry that I could not have been a better person.
J
Taking a break and getting some mental breathing space is always a good idea. The site will still be here if and when you need it. Take care of yourself.
good luck
Jayne, not everyone here transitions; I don't know where I'll end up yet; I'm taking everything step by step. Whatever you do, be true to yourself, and don't be afraid to seek out assistance along your life journey.
Good luck with everything and I hope it works out.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Thank you all :(
You need to do what is right for YOU. We can support you and listen. But... if you need to be on your own, that is fine too. No one of us is the same. We all have different needs and desires. So... do your own thing and remember that if you need support, we are here.
Cindi
I just deleted my account. I came back a couple hours later and undeleted it. I don't know what I am doing. I am so incredibly confused.
Quote from: Jayne01 on January 16, 2016, 06:20:06 AM
I just deleted my account. I came back a couple hours later and undeleted it. I don't know what I am doing. I am so incredibly confused.
I kind of have the same problem with chocolate .
Quote from: Jayne01 on January 16, 2016, 06:20:06 AM
I just deleted my account. I came back a couple hours later and undeleted it. I don't know what I am doing. I am so incredibly confused.
It's not a bad thing to be on here. Keep speaking with the therapist.....and keep speaking to people on this site. Talking will help.
Hi Jayne,
I have been on here over three years. The posts on the site sometimes would trigger me and I turn off my PC. I realize now that what triggers me are unsettled parts of me and it hurts. I have come a long way and I am learning to deflate the pain by looking at it and addressing it. I will address it and say it hurts to read xxx. Then say this is where I am going and then read a post in a section that I know will interest me and not trigger me.
I have learned techniques to help me live with my painful memories and painful feelings. I do not try to live in the pain I address it and allow it to pass. I am not saying sometimes it doesn't get the best of me and I have dysphoric episodes and I know they will pass. The question I ask myself is why I had the dysphoric episode and what can I do to relieve the pain. I do something about it. This has helped an immeasurable amount.
Quote from: Jayne01 on January 01, 2016, 01:45:00 PM
I'm thinking about leaving here again. The reason being that I think when I visit this website it keeps my dysphoria and everything trans in the front of my mind. I find myself checking the site for any new stuff continuously throughout the day on my phone. You are all very kind and try very hard to help total strangers. I'll never forget that. But I don't think it is in my best interest. I don't want to be a woman. That is the complete opposite of what everyone here seems to want. You have all in your own way accepted yourselves as being trans and you seem to WANT to be the opposite sex. I absolutely positively do NOT want to be a woman. I want to be a man and just get on with my life. I do NOT want to transition. I do NOT want HRT. I do NOT want to crossdress. And the more this stuff stays in the front of my mind the closer I get to NOT wanting to live anymore. And that scares the ->-bleeped-<- out of me.
I might take Rita's advice and just take a break away from the website.
Please don't anybody take this personally as something you may have said. This is just me. If I find that I can't stay away, I might need to delete my account so that I can't log back in. But for now I'll keep it.
So I guess this is goodbye, for now anyway. Thank you all so much for everything you have done for me. I'm sorry that I could not have been a better person.
J
Hi Jayne,
It would be fantastic if there was a wand that can magically turn us into who we want to be. We are all in our own place of trying to see where we fit in or who we truly are.
I would love to be the man I was born as my life would be so much more simple and my relationship with my wife would be so much better. I currently have to battle the urges and desires along with fear of being found out. I own and run a business with an all male staff, I am president of our golf club, am the role model for my nieces and nephews in a broken family where they see me as their dad. My wife struggles to accept my need to dress and experiment, so our relationship is more like flat mates. When I am dressed at home she is always on edge of a visitor calling in and finding me. Is all this fair on her, me, our sons and anyone that could find me out? No it isn't but it's what I have got. I am trying to find that balance where all my different needs are satisfied without destroying anyone in the process.
I have also found out that my emotional status dictates to which part of my personality comes out or needs to be fed. From wearing shorts, singlets, steel capped boots and busting myself physically to being fully dressed with wig, makeup, dresses, pantyhose and boots sipping wine delicately is flipping hard to manage and also understand.
Until I maybe understand I will accept I am dysfunctional and will feed each of my different sides. I may never find out who I am and where I fit in but will enjoy life and live it all to the maximum.
I would love to see you stay connected to this community.
This place is helping me by allowing me to share or just read where others are at.
I really do hope you can find your balance.
Cheers Sue