Hi everyone! What a lovely community of people you have here. Thank you for making me feel so welcome!
As I wrote a couple of days ago, I'm trying to realize if I'm trans (FTM) or not. So I'm trying to try new things, like not shaving armpits and legs (even though it's summer in my country and it's hard hide it!). And I'm also talking with one of my best friends. But now I have two new questions/problems:
1) I told my male best friend that I normally didn't feel girly or feminine, that I didn't think that being a woman fit me. I thought he was going to be more understanding but his answer was something like: "But you're not masculine, all I see is a woman". Lovely, right? Is this just gaslighting, is he in denial or am I just not trans? And was it like for you to come out to your friends?
2) Being as hairy as I can (which it's hard, since I'm rather hairless), I have to get back to work next week! And I'm a teacher! I don't know how my boss, coworkers or students are going to feel if they see I don't shave or if I start to dress different than usual... How was it for you when you started to present yourself at work as more masculine or more femenine?
I'm looking forward to reading your replies, so please reply :D Hugs!
Hi there, and welcome!
I have only had a few folks tell me they didn't understand why I was transitioning, and it was never about me personally or my level of masculinity/femininity, it was because they didn't agree with transition as a solution to dysphoria. They mistaken believe that there are mental health solutions. I would explain to your friend that looking a certain way on the outside doesn't mean that's how things are on the inside.
As for clothing and not shaving, are you required to wear a skirt/dress in your position? Depending on where you're from and what kind of community you live in, I could understand that might be a requirement. If you're allowed to wear pants, I would wear pants and not make a big deal out of the switch. If someone asks you about it, just make something up - "Oh, I was riding my bike last week and fell, now I've got a huge gash on my leg and I didn't want to make anyone squeamish." They'll be satisfied with the answer, and several weeks later when you're still wearing pants, they'll have forgotten the conversation entirely and you wearing pants will be the norm.
Good luck!
Hi there and welcome. I don't know if I'll be of any help, but I do have a few comments to make.
Quote from: Just_M on February 05, 2016, 08:00:48 AM
I'm trying to try new things, like not shaving armpits and legs (even though it's summer in my country and it's hard hide it!).
While it's probably not exactly the way you meant it, you don't necessarily need to shave to be a man. I personally shave my armpits because I simply don't like the hair, and I have a lot of male friends (cis) who do the same thing. I even know a few (again, cis) guys who shave their legs. You sound like you're embarrassed to not shave since you're talking about trying to cover it up, but keep in mind that you shouldn't feel pressured to not shave (even though it could in a way help with self discovery).
Quote from: Just_M on February 05, 2016, 08:00:48 AM
I told my male best friend that I normally didn't feel girly or feminine, that I didn't think that being a woman fit me. I thought he was going to be more understanding but his answer was something like: "But you're not masculine, all I see is a woman". Lovely, right? Is this just gaslighting, is he in denial or am I just not trans? And was it like for you to come out to your friends?
That's probably a natural reaction to you saying that. Most people are unaware of trans people, and women are often self conscious about themselves (from what I've seen). An example would be my teacher today, who said the girls in my class are all so pretty. She then realized what she said, and quickly added something about me being the "sporty" type but still pretty. Most people just aren't aware of such things. That being said, for all I know, he could've meant it differently. But as I said, that first example was the impression I got. The fact that he would say something like that definitely does not mean you're in denial or that you're not trans. Nobody but you can really know how you feel.
You could somewhat say I'm still in the coming-out stage, though my friends who know so far took it well and with no surprise. I had been slowly changing how I dress for a while, and never really acted feminine in the first place (in my opinion, anyways). Both that, and the fact that they're pretty open minded and accepting helped.
Quote from: Just_M on February 05, 2016, 08:00:48 AM
I don't know how my boss, coworkers or students are going to feel if they see I don't shave or if I start to dress different than usual... How was it for you when you started to present yourself at work as more masculine or more femenine?
For the shaving, as I said, don't force yourself. Go with what feels right. As for dressing, make it a gradual change. Don't suddenly jump from pink skirts and frilly dresses to ultra masculine. That way, they're less prone to notice it and ask questions. People's tastes change over time. But always remember that your safety is important. It might be a harsh thing to say, but if you think you could be in any danger, don't do it.
To be honest, I don't really even remember. I went from regular jeans and T-shirts and these loose tank top-like things (not even sure what they were) to jeans and plaid/checkered shirts (to this day, I still cannot be bothered to find out the difference), which then over time shifted to what I wear now. It was a very gradual change which not even I really noticed much. It probably helps that I was sort of a shut-in and didn't really go anywhere during part of that time though.
You could mention to people that looking feminine isn't the point when you feel masculine. If trans guys looked like guys from day one... there would be no need to transition? lol
I was called boyish and 'sporty' (which is hilarious because I'm about as active as a glacier) right up til the moment I came out, then suddenly I was Glinda the Good Witch from the wizard of Oz. Like people could suddenly see all these "girl" sparklies hanging around me that weren't there before! I'm trying to power through it.
Quote from: Just_M on February 05, 2016, 08:00:48 AM
I told my male best friend that I normally didn't feel girly or feminine, that I didn't think that being a woman fit me. I thought he was going to be more understanding but his answer was something like: "But you're not masculine, all I see is a woman". Lovely, right? Is this just gaslighting, is he in denial or am I just not trans? And was it like for you to come out to your friends?
I don't think it's gaslighting, I think he's just not understanding what you're telling him. Like Kanzaki said, he probably just isn't very aware of transness as a thing and misunderstood. From what I'm reading here, it looks like he took you telling him those things as "I don't feel like I'm
enough of a woman and I'm insecure about that," so he tried to reassure you. It's also perfectly possible he's just in denial, though--him saying he sees a woman has nothing to do with whether you're trans or not. Peep said it best--not looking masculine doesn't mean you're not feeling masculine, or there'd be no need to transition since you'd already be there :p
If you find that you prefer shaving to not shaving, that also doesn't mean you're "really a woman." Plenty of cis men shave, it's all a matter of personal preference. Women just get a weird amount of social pressure to shave.
I'm with the others on your manner of dress, too. Go slow, and everyone else is less likely to notice.
Yeah the shaving thing is so arbitrary, I wouldn't worry about it. there's loads of cis women that never shave anywhere and that doesn't make them men or trans men. It should work in reverse too. However if not shaving makes you feel male, and not like a hairy girl, that's great too :D
Quote from: Peep on February 06, 2016, 11:03:45 AM
Yeah the shaving thing is so arbitrary, I wouldn't worry about it. there's loads of cis women that never shave anywhere and that doesn't make them men or trans men. It should work in reverse too. However if not shaving makes you feel male, and not like a hairy girl, that's great too :D
A note on this, my Dad shaves... And he is a body builder! Many boys on the swim team and the football team shave too at my high school. Its not so uncommon :)
Thank you guys for all your answers!! It seems we have a community of men that love to shave! Hahaha
I'm still experimenting with my policy of not shaving, but my hair barely grows so I'm patiently waiting.
Peep, I loved the Glinda the Witch thing! We must be siblings 'cause it's like my mom was saying that. She is the type of mother that wants a daughter at all costs... Freud would be rich if he had her and me as patients!
Mmmm I want to keep exploring this male/masculine side I put aside for so long. I love men's clothes more than women's, but the problem is that I'm too short and tiny (1.56 mts, 5.11 feet) and men clothes are huge!!
If you don't mind I have two more questions, the beginner-type:
- If I was to try testosterone for one or two months to see how I feel, what are the changes I will face? And can I hide them so people won't notice?
- To post-op (bottom surgery) men, do you like the outcome? Do you feel pleasure as if it was naturally yours from day one? It's going to sound silly but I always wondered what it was to have a penis (Freud, here I go!) so now that I'm gathering more info I'm just trying to learn what are the odds for such transformation. Although it scares me out and Google images don't make it any better and I don't know any local FTM I can talk to.
Alright, that's all for now! I really, really, really appreciate your answers!
And sorry again for my bad English!
XO
I generally don't advise people to try T unless they're ready for all the potential changes. But it is basically the only stage of medical transition that you can stop if you realize it isn't for you. Keep in mind though, that a lot of the effects of T are not reversible. So even if you decide to stop if it's not for you, you may not be able to get rid of those changes.
YMMV, but typically most people see at least a small voice drop, body hair filling in, and downstairs growth in the first few months. People would really only notice your voice changing, and you could pass it off as a cold. Mentally, you will probably have more energy, a greater appetite, and have an increase in sex drive. But it's different for everyone. While reading about other people's experiences may be helpful, it may or may not reflect what your experience is like.
In regards to your second question, we don't have a lot of active post-bottom surgery guys here currently. I do talk to a lot of guys on other support groups specifically for bottom surgery, and am planning to have mine done this year. General consensus is that it does feel like "yours" (at least as far as any of us would know), though it may take time for nerves to reconnect or sensation to fully return given the surgical trauma.
Omg! I thought T was more innocent! Because I saw a video from a gender therapist from this or another forum (I don't remember) and she was saying that people could try hormones for a few months so as to see how they felt. Maybe she was talking about estrogens...
Estrogen acts slower and other that breast growth, it generally makes one look younger. T on the other hand is very effective and causes major changes in a short period of time. I have spent thousands of dollars undoing the effects of T. It is a personal decision but you should be pretty sure you will be comfortable with the changes before starting T.
There are hormone blockers that might be tried and could make you feel more comfortable with yourself. They are not used with T but they exist for people going both directions.
Quote from: Just_M on February 06, 2016, 04:02:00 PM
I love men's clothes more than women's, but the problem is that I'm too short and tiny (1.56 mts, 5.11 feet) and men clothes are huge!!
I think you may have meant 5'1, not 5'11. The latter is almost 180cm. We're the same height so I feel you on that one. Try going to different stores. I've noticed that the local H&M has much bigger sizes than New Yorker, for example. Depending on the average height, you may or may not be successful. For a sort of comparison, the average male height here is around 180-190 cm, and I do on occasion find T-shirts that fit. In the worst case, you can go to the kids' section (most of my clothes are from there). Some things from the womens' section might not actually look all that feminine, so you could try there too.
Quote from: Just_M on February 06, 2016, 04:02:00 PM
If you don't mind I have two more questions, the beginner-type:
- If I was to try testosterone for one or two months to see how I feel, what are the changes I will face? And can I hide them so people won't notice?
I'm not sure whether you'd be able to take it to experiment with it since (as far as I'm aware) you have to first be "diagnosed" and all. At least where I live, you have to be "diagnosed" by two doctors, then you go through a series of check-ups to make sure your body is healthy, and then you can start T. Someone already mentioned the changes. You should be able to hide them alright, but some of those effects are not reversible. Can't answer your other question, sorry.
Topman does some quite small sizes. I have to turn up or re-hem all my jeans but I had to do that in women's clothes too. Or I buy cropped or ankle-grazer jeans - which are short on cis men but the right length on me.
I use Asos because they do XS sizes but also XXS, at least on the UK website.
Peep, the Glenda the Good Witch thing is an absolutely perfect description of how my mother has reacted. She's the only one though. In the last six months since I came out and started living full time, no one else has even feigned surprise. She complained my entire childhood (and right on into my 30s) about how unfeminine I was, and suddenly I'm the world's only supplier of oestrogen. Weird, to say the least.
Quote from: WorkingOnThomas on February 09, 2016, 10:34:45 AM
Peep, the Glenda the Good Witch thing is an absolutely perfect description of how my mother has reacted. She's the only one though. In the last six months since I came out and started living full time, no one else has even feigned surprise. She complained my entire childhood (and right on into my 30s) about how unfeminine I was, and suddenly I'm the world's only supplier of oestrogen. Weird, to say the least.
Yeah i really don't get it. Also, it turns out they never believed me before when i said i didn't want children, so despite the fact that I've been saying this for a literal decade, now is the time to mourn imaginary grandkids
Quote from: Peep on February 09, 2016, 05:28:32 PM
Yeah i really don't get it. Also, it turns out they never believed me before when i said i didn't want children, so despite the fact that I've been saying this for a literal decade, now is the time to mourn imaginary grandkids
Ugh, I am with you there. Despite the fact that I DO want kids my mother has somehow decided that me being trans means I will never have kids or a partner and will be alone forever, destroying her chances of being a grandma. This, more than anything, is what we have fought about. She actually told me once that I "ruined her plans." We were in the middle of a fight so I am pretty sure she said it in anger, but it still made me mad. Oh, I ruined your plans for ME? So sorry! The joys of parents who think your life is their life, despite you being thirty. Lol.
Hi, guys! I can totally relate to what you're saying. And my mother also has my life planned in ways that are not similar at all to what I've planned for myself. I don't think she believes me either when I tell her I don't want to have kids.
I'm so sorry I've been away lately. I've been reading all your posts but refrained myself from answering because I still have no clue of what or who I am. Yesterday I read in another forum this post made by a MT? person that said something I could relate to: (s)he said he was quite pretty and that he was confortable living as a male but that he always wondered if he was actually trans. And people responses were basically something like: if you're ok like this, why change? So frustrating, I still cannot figure myself out. But it's true that it is easier to stay the same than facing the challenges that come with transitioning, I guess.
Hopefully time will go by and these doubts will leave... right?
I don't know if this will help you figure it out but I have two links. The first is our Wiki (https://www.susans.org/wiki/Transgender) where you will have most of the names. The second is "the transition channel" (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfO3B57E6NpIn-KsVjvmLLw) where you will get an introduction to therapy and if you don't find a name, you may be able to eliminate a few from the list.
1) I think it's just the wiring in people. I know from my own relationship that the idea you're female in someone's mind is super strong; you can tell them you're not, you can dress in male clothes, you can not shave and get sasquatch legs and pits, but the idea is unshakeable in some people. Not until you look and sound almost exactly like a man that it'll start kicking in and making them uncomfortable (if they're straight).
I told my significant other the same thing 4 years ago nearly. He keeps "forgetting". I haven't shaved the legs in well over a year and a half (I actually kinda like some smooth skin on dudes) but he doesn't seem that bothered. He keeps suggesting I grow my hair and dye it, and other stuff that I'm just not gonna do as if he's unconsciously wishing I egde back toward looking more fem. But at the same time I think he's slowly beginning to accept things - even offered to give me some better quality razors the other day for the face. He knows I've been routinely shaving my face since... like 1999 or something but finally seems to have stopped thinking that's strange. (What I find strange is that if people expect women to shave their bodies, why would shaving their face too see strange at all, lol).
At the moment what my S.O. sees is me as a female still. He's waiting for the point at which I start to seem "not female" and he knows it's coming. It's also pretty ingrained into people that telling what they believe is a female person that they look feminine is a compliment, not an insult. They think they're saying the right thing... maybe because they think you lack self esteem and want to hear it so you'll embrace being female, or maybe some other reason... but it's pretty hard to shake out of people. One you begin to look undeniably male though, their certainty of your 'femininity' will begin to dissolve. It's very hard even for a convinced person to keep calling someone "she" who looks and sounds very much like a he. (Unless they're just being an ass).
2) I found after I decided to quit shaving limbs I worried less about what people think. I am kinda glad I have very fine blond body hair so it's not exactly easy to spot right now... but it is spottable and I thought maybe I'd think about it more when I went to work with a bunch of strangers but, I didn't. Didn't get any comments about it and I didn't even think about it. It would have been way more noticeable back when I have just stopped shaving because the hairs are stiff and point upwards like prickles after years of shaving... after about a year of no shaving they eventually lay down natural on the skin and look less noticeable. The shape of the hairs reverts to a more natural tapered one instead of the "stubble-like" one from shaving. So the longer you don't shave the less noticeable it'll be I suppose.
Hi Dena! I saw those videos. According to them, I'm trans, but then I think "am I?". I mean, I cannot trust a video on something so important. Besides, some of those videos were aimed at MTF, so there were some things that weren't too helpful. I'm still waiting for a moment of clarity just to find it out, although a couple of times while watching the vids I was too sure I was trans. I'm going crazy!
And T.K.G.W., your boyfriend is quite special, right? He sounds nice but he seems to be a little bit in denial. Does he use your man name? Is the intimacy alright between the two of you? I don't know if you're pre or post-op (I don't want to be rude and ask or imply anything), so I don't know how recent this is for both of you. And I just love not shaving, I think that the problem here is our mental programming that shames us for having hair in places where everyone has hair, right? LOL
You are transgender because CIS don't question their gender. Where you fit in is another question. It is very common for us to be uncomfortable leaving a place in life that we know well and moving to a place that is new and different. We don't know if what we feel is strong enough to make us happy in the new life. The strange thing about it is if the transition is successful, everything still feels the same other than we no longer have the discomfort in life.
Because you really haven't described what you feel well, I am going to throw something else on the table for you to reject or accept. One identity is called fluid/bigender. If you are this, sometimes you will feel comfortable as a female and other times you will be comfortable as a male. The switch can happen in a minute or two and you will be very aware of it.
I am willing to explore this more with you but you should consider seeing a gender therapist who will be able to dig deeper than we will be able to go.
Quote from: Dena on February 12, 2016, 06:23:19 PM
You are transgender because CIS don't question their gender. Where you fit in is another question. It is very common for us to be uncomfortable leaving a place in life that we know well and moving to a place that is new and different. We don't know if what we feel is strong enough to make us happy in the new life. The strange thing about it is if the transition is successful, everything still feels the same other than we no longer have the discomfort in life.
FWIW, Dena, I do know some cis people who've questioned themselves based on other people coming out or seeing new information on the trans world. My best friend speculated for a bit whether she might be happier in a male role, determined "nah, I'm pretty chill with being a girl," and that was that. (IMO the fact that it was very simple for her and less simple for Just_M indicates to me that Just_M is more likely trans than cis. Not disagreeing, just commenting ^__^ )
Just_M, I'd suggest going to YouTube and checking out some channels run by trans men, a lot of them have "how I knew" videos and, while I was lucky enough to never have had a gender crisis, they've helped me explain it to other people so I figure they'd probably help you come to a conclusion yourself.
Quote from: Just_M on February 12, 2016, 05:58:00 PM
And T.K.G.W., your boyfriend is quite special, right? He sounds nice but he seems to be a little bit in denial. Does he use your man name? Is the intimacy alright between the two of you? I don't know if you're pre or post-op (I don't want to be rude and ask or imply anything), so I don't know how recent this is for both of you. And I just love not shaving, I think that the problem here is our mental programming that shames us for having hair in places where everyone has hair, right? LOL
Yeah, he is. He's also brutally honest, which, as a trans person going through the motions was at first for me like a brick through my plate glass window - I hated how honest he was about how he felt, about how he just didn't know how he was going to feel about me in the future, or how exactly he was going to deal with it. But I've come to appreciate and understand that his honesty is part of what makes me trust him, and that to be fair, how else could I really expect him to feel in this situation? He does seem to want to help me through it all the way, even if it's tearing him up because according to him "it's the right thing to do". That actually humbles me a whole lot, that he's prepared to do that, as I'm sure a lot of people wouldn't. So I don't think he's in denial, he just can't really help pointing out what he likes, suggesting what he likes and sometimes getting lost in that... he knows only too well what it all means, I guess. But in the past he has had phases where he's hoped that I wasn't sure what I meant, and that I'd not really be trans. I think that's what I mean by when people forget what you tell them, and they have this image of you as a different gender that takes a long time to "overwrite" with the new one, especially if they're in love with you. Not everybody's like that, but with a partner who might have spent years with you, it's understandable it'd take some time and there might be some wishful thinking - or un-thinking - going on.
My name is unisex anyway so that's luckily not a problem for me. I'm pre op, and everything between us is almost exactly as it was before, which means it's fine in reality but my brain likes to wonder and wonder what the hell it will be like when I'm post. (I think I told him about 3 years ago exactly what I felt) It's fine for
now, is what I'm thinking. But the idea that a person you love (for me the
only person I've ever felt real tangible gravity to...) might be wrenched slowly away from you by the changing of your body is like the cruelest psychological punishment. Feeling like I lost everything after a lot of work and effort isn't something I want after 10 years. It's been too long to go back gracefully and carefree to the person I was before I met him. I don't like that thought at all, but I know compared to some trans folks' experience with their partners, it could be a whole lot worse.
Yeah, the shaving thing started in high school. Before some girl pointed out at me that I shouldn't have any hair on my arms I never once thought about it. Then after that the feeling of being criticized in school for it grew until I did it. But I never once really cared about doing it that much, or wanted to do it that much. I ended up shaving for years just because of how prickly the feeling of the stubble is and it's easier to reshave to get rid of it than wait long enough for the hairs to stop irritating. Now I haven't shaved for a while I don't notice or think about it. I'm sure I was just forced to "worry" about it by that one girl and the fear kids have of fitting in - it faded away after I stopped being in that environment.
T.K.G.W., I'm guessing that your boyfriend is also struggling to figure out if your transition would turn him into a gay or bisexual man, maybe? At least it is great to see that he's trying to help and be by your side :) But I have another question: does he refer to you as 'she' or 'he'? Which pronoun does he use when he talks about you?
Dena, I'm maybe somewhere in the trans spectrum. Otherwise I wouldn't have these doubts, right? I know that genderqueer is also a good option for those who feel nowhere or somewhere in the middle between 'man' and 'woman', whatever those words mean. But I'm just so sure I'd be a terribly handsome man if I ever transitioned. But I'd probably be bold because of genetics, so maybe not so pretty after all haha
I guess that, if there was a magic potion, I think I would love to see what it was like to be a man for a while (and have my friends and family be cool with that). I may probably be more confortable as a man than as a girl, with all the male privileges and the looks and the beard! But again, I would be terrified of following a path and maybe changing my mind afterwards...
Veniamviam made a point with sometimes a woman will say if only I were a man and sometimes men will say something like women have it so easy but that's not the degree of discomfort we feel. For us it's a pretty constant companion and not just a few wishful minutes. It also gets a little more complicated because I know a gay girl from around 30 years ago that I lost and then re established contact with a short time ago. A few weeks ago for the first time, the subject wandered to Susan's and I discovered that all these years she was intersex/transgender. It is possible for a person to go undiagnosed because they found a role in life where they are pretty comfortable.
RLE is really the only way to get a feel for where you belong. Genderqueer is right for some, Androgyne might be better for other and fluid might bounce around depending on how they feel at the moment. In my case, RLE as a woman told me that I would never want to return to being a male. Yes there were still doubts about surgery and being a female but with a male role eliminated, there weren't many other options. The really funny thing is waking up from surgery, I knew I had made the correct decision and I have never questioned that decision in the last 33 years.
We all want that magic potion or pill that would give us the easy risk free fix but it doesn't exist. Working out your new identity is hard work but thanks to Susan it is far easer than it once was. There are ways to project a more masculine image without T. You might appear more as a young boy than a man but it can give you enough of a taste of life that the decision would be easer. Just decide what you want to try and we will give you all the help we can.
Quote from: Just_M on February 13, 2016, 03:50:38 PM
T.K.G.W., I'm guessing that your boyfriend is also struggling to figure out if your transition would turn him into a gay or bisexual man, maybe? At least it is great to see that he's trying to help and be by your side :) But I have another question: does he refer to you as 'she' or 'he'? Which pronoun does he use when he talks about you?
That's the one. He's definitely not gay but the kicker is that I've been something or someone else that he did like, and I'm somewhere between the two now, and dealing with feelings you still have for someone who now belongs in a different category must be tough.
Actually in person he never refers to my gender. I think there's only been a handful of times when we've ever referred to each other by our real names, too. When he talks about me to others he uses my actual name more than any pronoun, although I'm not entirely sure now which pronoun he might use when talking to his family or my family or something as I've not been there when he has, or because
they tend to mix and match the pronouns when talking about me.
In short he avoids using "she" around me altogether. Never uses it, and never seems to use it when anyone else is around the two of us that I've seen. Although it might still be easier for him in his workplace to just continue referring to me as the girlfriend which I don't mind considering he works with one or two people who are bigots and it bothers him to have to, and there's no way they would understand or even try to. So if he still wants to use that there I have no issue with it. Not that I think he discusses his private life with them if he can possibly help it.
Quote from: Dena on February 13, 2016, 08:32:29 PM
Veniamviam made a point with sometimes a woman will say if only I were a man and sometimes men will say something like women have it so easy but that's not the degree of discomfort we feel. For us it's a pretty constant companion and not just a few wishful minutes.
That wasn't the point I was making but also very relevant, as someone realizing he's a trans man and is saying "my life would be better if I were a guy for x reasons" would have different reasons than cis women saying the same thing (inner peace vs privilege, for example). I was just citing a few people I know who have questioned their gender because it's not a big deal to them as it is for some people (see also: us) and come to the conclusion that yeah, they're fine living as the gender they were assigned at birth. (Neuter pronouns because I know both a man and a woman who questioned themselves for a little bit.)
Hi Dena! I'll look into "RLE" as I'm not familiar with that. What is bugging me now is that I don't think I have dysphoria, although I mentioned the penis-lacking feeling I sometimes had and the current fantasies where I was a man. I don't think it's about the priviliges at all because in my country sexism affects both genders. Like men have to work a lot and provide for the family and there is a lot of social pressure on them. And women get equal pay although they have to work/clean/cook/have kids/take care of them, etc. Dunno, I'm stiiil trying to figure myself out. On Tuesday I've got therapy (regular therapy) so I may (might) bring up the subject to see how things go. I'm scared as hell of just thinking about that!
T.K.G.W. your bf sounds so nice!!! Okay, I have to admit at first I wasn't too sure if he was nice or not but he does! And I'm sure you're both going to be just fine, relax and give it some time :)
Veniamviam, I don't know cis people that had these doubts or maybe they never discussed them with me. But it's a very valid point and I have a lot of thinking to do. Until now, as I live by myself, I'm trying to see how I feel addressing to myself or talking about myself as a man. It's creepy so I stop quick, I'm not willing to scare myself away but, yeah, I need to keep digging on this...
Thank you so much for your responses!! :) :)
RLE is real life experience. It means to live in the desired role and is a requirement in most programs before receiving surgeries. I know of two ways the dysphoria can be felt but there might be others. One is that the body feels wrong. Breast may not feel right for a FTM and the lack might not feel right for a MTF. The other way which I had was socially I didn't feel right. Being addressed as the wrong gender or feeling uncomfortable as the gender you currently are. It is possible to have both forms of discomfort at the same time.
Quote from: Just_M on February 14, 2016, 01:06:14 PM
T.K.G.W. your bf sounds so nice!!! Okay, I have to admit at first I wasn't too sure if he was nice or not but he does! And I'm sure you're both going to be just fine, relax and give it some time :)
Thanks. :)
We started our relationship on the basis we would be there for each other; I've always set my morals down on the table first in relationships and I won't deviate from them, which helps to establish good things later on, I guess.
Hi everyone! T. K. G. W. (Taylor, maybe?), glad to see that!
And Dena, I'm stunned people are so brave to go on RLE! I just don't see that happening from one day to the other in a small town like mine. Maybe moving out and having a fresh start where no one knows me, that may work better.
As for now, I'm really frustrated. I contacted an NGO for LGBT civil rights in my country. And I reached out and wrote via Facebook to the group of trans men. And I was like 'I have a lot of questions and I don't know who to talk to'. Then he said that I could ask whatever I wanted. And I sent him my question, the same I posted here (how can I tell if I'm trans?) and they never replied!! And I just wanted to talk to before I saw my therapist tomorrow :( I'm feeling nervous already.
Quote from: Just_M on February 15, 2016, 02:56:22 PM
And I sent him my question, the same I posted here (how can I tell if I'm trans?) and they never replied!! And I just wanted to talk to before I saw my therapist tomorrow :( I'm feeling nervous already.
To be fair, it's a pretty tough question to answer. Most people in our community wouldn't dream of telling someone else whether they were trans or not, so sometimes it's hard to come up with a response to questions like that.
Hi, Max! I'm not sure I understand what you're saying (English is not my first language). Do you think my question was rude? I just wanted to know how I can figure myself out. And I didn't address my question to anyone in particular, I just asked for help via Facebook (message) to the trans men group/section of that NGO. I was scared of sending them my question as well because I used my personal account. And I get too paranoid about the exposure (I'm a teacher and researcher and I'm never going to go to their meetings for this reason). I'm also scared I'm going to chicken out tomorrow and never disclose this to my therapist. I mean, they are just doubts, maybe they don't mean anything...
Quote from: Just_M on February 15, 2016, 08:23:32 PM
Hi, Max! I'm not sure I understand what you're saying (English is not my first language). Do you think my question was rude? I just wanted to know how I can figure myself out. And I didn't address my question to anyone in particular, I just asked for help via Facebook (message) to the trans men group/section of that NGO. I was scared of sending them my question as well because I used my personal account. And I get too paranoid about the exposure (I'm a teacher and researcher and I'm never going to go to their meetings for this reason). I'm also scared I'm going to chicken out tomorrow and never disclose this to my therapist. I mean, they are just doubts, maybe they don't mean anything...
Not rude, it's just not really something that someone else can answer for you.