So, since it was brought to my attention that we were hijacking a thread, I decided to open this one so anyone can openly talk about journeys through transition, where ever we are going, and not be taking away from someone else's space.
Was just about to start this, but you beat me to it. Also, a shout out to all the 30 somethings who are starting this process.
Agreed, I don't know about all of you, but I feel proud and accomplished every little step I take. Mostly because we are basically set in life, with a family, and all of a sudden we have to tell our friends and family that we are not exactly who we say we are... I think it takes a lot of courage!!!
You mentioned in the other thread conversation the concept of what would we call you. We haven't discussed that too much. I'm not particularly hung up on pronouns and titles. My wife and I rarely refer to each other by name, usually things like honey, etc. I know my children will still know me as dad, even if I stop being/looking like other dads. I will still think of myself as husband. What other people call me/us is mostly their problem. We will figure it all out as we move forward. Eventually my male name will be more and more replaced by Amber. Still too early in the process to make many firm decisions.
Same here. Actually imagining yesterday what would be the reaction of each individual people we know was interesting... and made us special in a way.
I'm very much looking forward to doing this in fact. :)
Quote from: confusedlauren on February 25, 2016, 12:36:11 PM
I'm very much looking forward to doing this in fact. :)
I'm glad that I am not the only one looking forward to this life. It's so hard not to get bogged down hearing some of the horror stories, doubts, and regrets of others. I know this path will not be the easiest, but I seem to always have taken the unconventional path anyway. I do find myself having to limit my actions and put the brakes on things for the courtesy of my wife and others. Once I make a decision I tend to be all in on things.
Quote from: amberwaves on February 25, 2016, 12:48:14 PM
I'm glad that I am not the only one looking forward to this life. It's so hard not to get bogged down hearing some of the horror stories, doubts, and regrets of others. I know this path will not be the easiest, but I seem to always have taken the unconventional path anyway. I do find myself having to limit my actions and put the brakes on things for the courtesy of my wife and others. Once I make a decision I tend to be all in on things.
All the horror stories are part of the reasons why I'm talking about what's happening here. I want others in my situation to read what happened to me. At least for the initial part. I don't know what the rest will be, but at least, the original reaction is pretty positive, and that might help some folks later.
Sorry all, I forgot to add to my watch list.... But I agree, I will always be dad, my wife and I both call each other baby, I think that I am going to pretty fluid all in all, so my real name is pretty unisex, so that may or may not change depending on family-friend reactions... I think though that my wife will have to help me with my fem name so I don't get recognized by customers or bigots that know me.... But considering the nature of this site, Tasha and she her is probably the most appropriate. I told my wife she can call me her husband even when "in-fem", but she said she would like to call me wife, and it kind of made me happy, so we'll go with it.
I really have to say, that I have been so happy and feel so connected to you all that I feel like I am making friends here. Thank you so much... So, are we girlfriends then? It so weird to think that, but that is what it feels like.... Right? If pronouns are important to you, let me know and I may need reminders as sometimes I forget who likes what.... I will not be offended either way, so don't worry about that.
I apologize to Lauren if I came across... Pessimistic about your SO on your opening thread, I have heard some horror stories and was worried about you. I would hate for you to either repress or stress of losing your kids... I know that I got wet lucky with my wife being the way she is, and I know that it can be rare. I am glad you found one of them too, and I was excited to hear that you get to keep your love and your life throughout your transition.
It is wonderful to have a group of friends (I think) going through something so similar, and having positive experiences.
On another note, would any of you object if my wife joined and got I on some of our threads? She expressed she would like to and if you are comfortable with it, I think it would be good for her to talk about this stuff with more than me....
So, ya, there was another perfect example of word vomit.... Thanks for being here!!!
And, aren't we missing someone on this thread?
Yay I always wanted to have girlfriends! I've never really had terribly many female friends. I too feel very connected to you girls as we go through this together. We are all at the beginning of this and it seems like we will end at different places, but it's so nice to have people to talk to about both the good and the bad parts of it.
I have my wife read some of the posts on occasion. She usually gives me a rather sardonic look at how girly I speak on here. She is still adjusting to that because she has rarely seen that side of me. I am typically very reserved and rational (when I'm not being humorous). I have no objections if your wife wants to join in on the fun. I would love to hear her opinion. Plus they have a significant others subforum so she can talk to others going through it on that side of things.
We need to get Sarah into this thread too. Of course, all are welcome. The more the merrier.
Sweet! I told her about the SO threads, but I was telling her how much I am connecting with you girls in particular and she said she would like to join in our conversations.... Of course, sometimes she feels like things are moving too fast though, so I won't invite her to EVERY conversation.... Because I tell her how much I want to slow down to keep her comfortable, I don't want her to take anything I say the wrong way... I really AM slowing it down to give her time to process each step.... But she will be glad to hear that she is welcome in this particular thread with us!! Thank you for being open to my wife as well!!!
Tasha
Quote from: Tasha_ on February 27, 2016, 03:50:45 AM
I apologize to Lauren if I came across... Pessimistic about your SO on your opening thread, I have heard some horror stories and was worried about you. I would hate for you to either repress or stress of losing your kids... I know that I got wet lucky with my wife being the way she is, and I know that it can be rare. I am glad you found one of them too, and I was excited to hear that you get to keep your love and your life throughout your transition.
Thanks, no worries at all, I understand where you're coming from.
It's progressing well btw, I updated the thread a few minutes ago with some good news :)
Quote from: Tasha_ on February 27, 2016, 03:50:45 AM
It is wonderful to have a group of friends (I think) going through something so similar, and having positive experiences.
Yep, seems like we all got born too soon, I feel things would have been much easier had I had the internet when those feeling started...
Quote from: Tasha_ on February 27, 2016, 03:50:45 AM
On another note, would any of you object if my wife joined and got I on some of our threads? She expressed she would like to and if you are comfortable with it, I think it would be good for her to talk about this stuff with more than me....
No worries for me :) Bring her in!
Yay!! She's gonna be excited... And now I shall go read the good news!!!
Quote from: confusedlauren on February 27, 2016, 10:41:29 AM
Yep, seems like we all got born too soon, I feel things would have been much easier had I had the internet when those feeling started...
I flip flop on feeling that way. True it would have saved me some grief to know, but also I know it wouldn't have changed things much had I know early. Also, I would never have gotten together with my BFF wife and had our beautiful children. I try not to dwell on the past with my gender. I spend far too long doing that for the other parts of my horrendous upbringing.
Quote from: Tasha_ on February 25, 2016, 12:30:28 PM
Agreed, I don't know about all of you, but I feel proud and accomplished every little step I take. Mostly because we are basically set in life, with a family, and all of a sudden we have to tell our friends and family that we are not exactly who we say we are... I think it takes a lot of courage!!!
Honestly I could never get that set in life. Never got married, never had kids... being trans blocked me from doing almost any of it. Literally could not enter that mode as the idea is just a black hole to me - I know almost nothing about what it is to live that normal life (or even to want it). I remember even as a young kid saying to myself I wasn't going to have a normal life, I'm not like the rest of you... (to my family) and them of course not knowing anything about it laughing it off and saying of course I would. And quite a few years later, my little kiddy self was perfectly right. About the only normal thing I've managed to do is hold down a job and keep a partner in my life. Everything else has been like sand, slipping through the hands.
I'm skeptical about transition even though I want it. I know who I am already so it doesn't seem very exciting or a self-discovery. It seems like a long and painful chore ahead. And given that not much else was possible in terms of "normal life" I'm in the habit of expecting something to come up to prevent me transitioning anyway so it'll all be some huge, ridiculous anti-climax. I'd like to feel positive about it but let's face it, once you're old enough to know you're not easily surprised by anything, well... I'm not expecting to be surprised by the results. Just feels like spinning wheels for the moment, since the NHS is so incredibly slow at treating people for this.
The more I think about it the more I feel this isn't really a journey for me, so much as a realization of just how awfully jaded this thing has made me.
Quote from: T.K.G.W. on February 28, 2016, 12:12:41 PM
Honestly I could never get that set in life. Never got married, never had kids... being trans blocked me from doing almost any of it. Literally could not enter that mode as the idea is just a black hole to me - I know almost nothing about what it is to live that normal life (or even to want it). I remember even as a young kid saying to myself I wasn't going to have a normal life, I'm not like the rest of you... (to my family) and them of course not knowing anything about it laughing it off and saying of course I would. And quite a few years later, my little kiddy self was perfectly right. About the only normal thing I've managed to do is hold down a job and keep a partner in my life. Everything else has been like sand, slipping through the hands.
I'm skeptical about transition even though I want it. I know who I am already so it doesn't seem very exciting or a self-discovery. It seems like a long and painful chore ahead. And given that not much else was possible in terms of "normal life" I'm in the habit of expecting something to come up to prevent me transitioning anyway so it'll all be some huge, ridiculous anti-climax. I'd like to feel positive about it but let's face it, once you're old enough to know you're not easily surprised by anything, well... I'm not expecting to be surprised by the results. Just feels like spinning wheels for the moment, since the NHS is so incredibly slow at treating people for this.
The more I think about it the more I feel this isn't really a journey for me, so much as a realization of just how awfully jaded this thing has made me.
I am so sorry to hear that. If it makes you feel better I would hardly say I've got anything resembling set in life. Much of it has been happy accidents or occasional luck as I stumble through things. I always believed that I would die alone and miserable. I almost made that a self fulfilling prophecy on multiple occasions. I travelled half way around the world looking for love and acceptance only to find it one town over from where I began. I made terrible decisions in life and lamented how I failed at most everything.
I never wanted kids. I was a broken child from a terrible home and did not want to bring a child in knowing that I could screw them up the way I was. She wanted kids and I did it for her. I spent the first two years of my eldest daughters life avoiding her and everyone because I would not be around her when I was in a foul mood, which was constantly. I figured it was better she grow with an absentee father than a rage machine. Shortly after our second daughter was born I checked myself into an inpatient psychiatric facility. It helped. It didn't solve the underlying problems but it did allow me to move forward with life.
The house was luck. My sister was moving and We needed a house so we lucked out. My terrible decision of joining the service paid dividends because I could get a VA loan and actually afford to buy it. Its a nice house and near her family (which is a big deal for her). My family can go eff themselves for all we are concerned. It's a mixed blessing though because it is in the middle of nowhere and I have almost no job prospects in my chosen field. I would be rather be living somewhere near a city for the opportunity.
Transitioning, for me, is something that is allowing me to leave the broken, bitter, angry man I was behind. Even my wife has noted that since this discovery and acceptance that I have become a happier person and a better father. I'm still not there yet, but every step seems to make me better. I truly am sad that you view it more as a chore, but everyone's circumstances and outlooks are unique. Also, it saddens me to hear how long the wait times are in the U.K. there are so many people suffering because of bureaucracy. I hope things improve for you.
I think we all have horror stories. I've had my share to be sure. They come along every once in a while. But then there is the rest of life. And somehow, we always manage to get through the tough times and relish the good ones.
I like friends too. ;)
Cindi
Quote from: amberwaves on February 28, 2016, 12:47:58 PM
I am so sorry to hear that. If it makes you feel better I would hardly say I've got anything resembling set in life. Much of it has been happy accidents or occasional luck as I stumble through things. I always believed that I would die alone and miserable. I almost made that a self fulfilling prophecy on multiple occasions. I travelled half way around the world looking for love and acceptance only to find it one town over from where I began. I made terrible decisions in life and lamented how I failed at most everything.
I never wanted kids. I was a broken child from a terrible home and did not want to bring a child in knowing that I could screw them up the way I was. She wanted kids and I did it for her. I spent the first two years of my eldest daughters life avoiding her and everyone because I would not be around her when I was in a foul mood, which was constantly. I figured it was better she grow with an absentee father than a rage machine. Shortly after our second daughter was born I checked myself into an inpatient psychiatric facility. It helped. It didn't solve the underlying problems but it did allow me to move forward with life.
The house was luck. My sister was moving and We needed a house so we lucked out. My terrible decision of joining the service paid dividends because I could get a VA loan and actually afford to buy it. Its a nice house and near her family (which is a big deal for her). My family can go eff themselves for all we are concerned. It's a mixed blessing though because it is in the middle of nowhere and I have almost no job prospects in my chosen field. I would be rather be living somewhere near a city for the opportunity.
Transitioning, for me, is something that is allowing me to leave the broken, bitter, angry man I was behind. Even my wife has noted that since this discovery and acceptance that I have become a happier person and a better father. I'm still not there yet, but every step seems to make me better. I truly am sad that you view it more as a chore, but everyone's circumstances and outlooks are unique. Also, it saddens me to hear how long the wait times are in the U.K. there are so many people suffering because of bureaucracy. I hope things improve for you.
I appreciate it.
It is really a chore when I think about it; my partner doesn't want me to do it really, but is resigned... but I'm hoping to do it anyway which does leave some feelings of guilt; It involves telling some therapist all about why my life is as truncated as my junk, speaking to doctors about it all of whom you have wonder if they're laughing behind your back. Then I'll have to see if T works properly or doesn't in my body; then I'll have to get pieces hacked off and I'm really not comfortable with going under the knife. And then after all that... who knows. The results might just be laughable. Might get attacked and will almost certainly have people saying crap behind my back in the place I live (it's a small village). It's hard to get psyched about any of it.
Honestly the only thing keeping me doing it is wondering if the hormones themselves will change my perception for the better. That's about it.
I'm glad it works out for a lot of people and makes their lives better. Some of us are just born a bit too broken, I guess.
When I said set in life, I was talking to a few individuals in particular. I guess I may have been using poor language, because what I meant was that we had all decided to live a certain way, and built our lives around that. Deciding to stop repressing a part of yourself at 35 hears old and for those I was speaking to, basically becoming a teenage girl, and having to start all over again figuring out who you are.
No offense to anyone, and not trying to change the subject, I just thought my statement needed clarification.
I am also sorry to hear about how hard of a time some of the you have had, and the fear/anxiety that has to come along with it. I do not want to sound like I am making light of anybody's feelings.
So, update.... I finally ordered some breast forms and a wig, so soon will be shaving off my face to see how I look with it all on. I am excited and nervous as hell.... Even though my wife has been so supportive, it sometimes feels, where I guess, to take some of the steps. Thank you all for your support, and good luck to those who don't have enough... That's what we are here for, so stick around and ask for help if you need more support!!
I think (and hope) that it's never too late. I'm in my early 60s, and after a lifetime of repressing , deflecting, and otherwise hiding, I hit some really black days recently. This stuff really backs up in the psychic plumbing. I finally got the courage to actually make an appointment with a therapist in our HMO next week. I wish I'd done this 40 years ago, but with today's treatments. (Not electroconvulsive therapy or faradic aversion treatment! Eep!)
Oh, is he in for a wild ride. I very strongly suspect the depression, anxiety, etc is all coming from gender dysphoria, and am hoping to get a referral to the right team for treatment. (The HMO has a specialized team for these sorts of issues.)
I haven't come out to anyone yet, and will try to get some good guidance before I do anything that might blow up my life.
I don't think it's too late for anyone. There are numerous success stories of older gals who transitioned. Will you be a model? unlikely. Will you be happier? Quite possibly. Going to see a therapist is a good start. They can help you to determine what steps you wish to take.
In other news, this weekend will be most frustrating for me. We have a houseguest who we allowed to move in with us to escape a bad situation back in December. We've been letting her stay here for free until she can get resituated. Unfortunately, she is a terrible guest who for the last two months has been dodging us. She only stops by when she knows we are both at work/away. I'm pretty sure she fell back in with all her old friends and is smoking pot again.
She has her 5 year old son this weekend. He is a little brat who is disrespectful, steals our girls toys, and generally a bad influence on our girls. She sits on her phone all the time and pretty much expects us to parent her child for her. Only stepping in at the last moment before we get pissed.
We've told her to find somewhere else to stay because we need to fix that room up as a nursery for the baby in June. Also, that room reeks of BO because her hygiene is atrocious. She said that has found a place for most of her stuff, but so far in two weeks has moved almost nothing. It will soon be to the point where her crap is going to end up on the lawn and the locks changed (the locks are getting changed anyway after she is out). We are trying very hard to keep things civil.
I'm not out to her so I know that I won't be able to dress this weekend. I will live, but damn it chaps my ***. Very frustrating to own your own home, but still be unable to be who you are because you tried to do a nice thing for someone.
On a positive note I replaced my male wallet with a female one and bought some makeup.
Ouch!! I understand the pain!!! My wife has a bleeding heart for people in need, so we have had house guests many times... This time it's my sister and her two boys, all whom I came out to shortly before they moved in so I COULD dress with them in the house. It was hard at first but they really are the best part of the family I was born into. And the kid.... My brother in law did the same ->-bleeped-<-.... And wow it sucked!!! I honestly feel for you!!!
Other note, my forms and wig came today.... Pretty excited to try them!!!
So, I got a wig and breast forms... My wife says I pass, and I totally forgot to get her to take a picture for my profile. I do believe that I got a bad color for myself, going to have to get a more natural color before I feel comfortable going out... But I think I am going to hit the town as Tasha soon!!! It is going to be wonderful!!!! I am Soooo excited!!!
I agree with Michelle and others that it's never too late.
To TKGW I want to say that a lot of stuff just happens. I became a mother/father 100 percent against my will, and my life now is horrifically difficult, but it's cool. I always know what to do next. I just kind of fell into it. I was living as male at 17 when I met my kid's other dad. He was bisexual and when I came out as female to him he was okay with that. Lots and lots of guys proposed marriage in the years since.
If guys were into me as a man with a vagina in the 90s and guys were into me as a female single parent in the 2010s and guys are into me as a male single parent now, then you can find whatever social situation you need. I really am a mess and I'm low status but I have never been lonely. And I get things done when I need to.
---
My personal journey has always been an afterthought to duty and caring for others. That sucks but has nothing to do with my being transgender.
Being trans is better now than it used to be for me. I got my uterus taken out and all my breast tissue removed. My voice is deep and my facial hair is unimpressive but it exists.
Just went out with my wife for our anniversary and I got to go as Amber! When we got to the restaurant the hostess said, "this way ladies". It was really hard not to giggle. My wife was amused and asked if that just tickled me pink. This was our first date with me as Amber. I'm passable until I open my mouth. The server, to her credit, didn't bat an eye when she looked at my ID to serve me a drink. It was a lovely night and my first time using the ladies restroom. Pretty sure I would have gotten some of looks in the men's room.
http://imgur.com/qr4rrG7 (http://imgur.com/qr4rrG7)
Congratulations Amber!!! I am very happy for you, and yes, a little jealous!!! Lol... My wife and I are real close to trying it too.... I shaved my face and now have a wig other than the red one that looks more natural.... It's encouraging to read your story cause I am nervous as all hell... But wow!!! I would really like to hear more about it!!!
Quote from: amberwaves on March 19, 2016, 11:02:55 PM
Just went out with my wife for our anniversary and I got to go as Amber! When we got to the restaurant the hostess said, "this way ladies". It was really hard not to giggle. My wife was amused and asked if that just tickled me pink. This was our first date with me as Amber. I'm passable until I open my mouth. The server, to her credit, didn't bat an eye when she looked at my ID to serve me a drink. It was a lovely night and my first time using the ladies restroom. Pretty sure I would have gotten some of looks in the men's room.
http://imgur.com/qr4rrG7 (http://imgur.com/qr4rrG7)
Congrats :)
You're indeed totally passable!
Quote from: amberwaves on February 25, 2016, 12:24:55 PM
Was just about to start this, but you beat me to it. Also, a shout out to all the 30 somethings who are starting this process.
Woohoo! I'm starting HRT at 30 :)
On the subject of it being too late, yeah I've seen and heard stories from amazing older ladies who made their decision to come out or start HRT etc in their 60s and are much happier. Personally I've felt this way since I was very young, wanted to make changes in my teens, but kept it all inside until only a couple of years ago. I'm 30, which I don't consider old at all but still there's always going to be a little regret considering I wanted to start HRT 15 years ago. When I came out as a transwoman (most people thought I was genderfluid) and announced that I was starting HRT, a friend sent me this Chinese proverb:
"The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago. The second best time is now."
:D Sure, in an ideal world I wouldn't have been afraid to come out back then, but hey I'm making the positive changes I want to and all the ladies younger and older than me who have been through this give me inspiration.
Quote from: Tasha_ on March 19, 2016, 11:52:52 PM
Congratulations Amber!!! I am very happy for you, and yes, a little jealous!!! Lol... My wife and I are real close to trying it too.... I shaved my face and now have a wig other than the red one that looks more natural.... It's encouraging to read your story cause I am nervous as all hell... But wow!!! I would really like to hear more about it!!!
Did you have a funeral for the beard? How did your wife take the shaving? Also, is she on Susan's yet? You had mentioned before that she might join in on the conversation.
Not going to lie, I was rather nervous going out. Our effing house guest showed up while I was in the bathroom finishing my makeup. We had to rush out with my wife scouting and giving the all clear like it was metal gear solid or something. It was nice because that was the first time I've been treated as a lady. Also, it is a huge affirmation about my passability. I'm not even on hormones yet, so I imagine that will treat me well. That and the weight loss. Already down 13 lbs in 2 months and that's just from diet. Now that that the weather is nice running will be the order of the day.
Love,
Amber
Quote from: GeneticJen on March 20, 2016, 08:52:13 AM
Woohoo! I'm starting HRT at 30 :)
Congratulations that is awesome. I can't wait to start myself.
I turned 30 in July, started HRT self-medication in January at a hilariously low dosage. At the end of this month I'll be a clinic patient (private in the UK) so I'll be doing everything properly from then. First hair removal session at the end of the month too! :D
Big changes. In 2015 I was doing a PhD, in a different city, not out with my family, and not on HRT. Over new year things changed drastically. In 2016 I'm a journalist in London, out with my family, doing HRT and living pretty much full-time as female! Really is a new year! :p
Quote from: GeneticJen on March 20, 2016, 09:44:22 AM
I turned 30 in July, started HRT self-medication in January at a hilariously low dosage. At the end of this month I'll be a clinic patient (private in the UK) so I'll be doing everything properly from then. First hair removal session at the end of the month too! :D
Big changes. In 2015 I was doing a PhD, in a different city, not out with my family, and not on HRT. Over new year things changed drastically. In 2016 I'm a journalist in London, out with my family, doing HRT and living pretty much full-time as female! Really is a new year![emoji14]
Definitely big changes. I will turn 35 in July. Congratulations on getting your PhD. I intend to start hormones soon. I will be quitting smoking at the end of the month and then I'll begin the process. I will be going for my PhD once everything settles down and I can ensure financially that we can get by during the process. Awesome that you are living full time as who you are.
I actually dropped out of the PhD! I believe the people who say it's good to have something to focus on during your first year of HRT so you don't go mad just waiting and doing nothing, so I'm glad I have a job that takes up my time and makes the weeks zoom by. However, my PhD was just way too much. It was too much even before starting all this. I know other trans people who started HRT during their PhD and did great but it just wasn't a good environment for me to do it. This new job is though so yay :)
Good luck! I hope the quitting goes smoothly. I guess it might be easier when it's for something so important.
My apologies for the erroneous assumption about completion. It is not an easy task and I can definitely understand how it could be too much (especially with transition/dysphoria). No shame in it though. You said you have a job as a journalist and it sounds as if that has been fulfilling. We all take a myriad of twists and turns to get to where we are happy. From your age it sounds like you must have started graduate studies shortly after your undergraduate. That's a long time to be in academia. I'm glad you are on a good path that you enjoy.
For myself, I think it is a good choice for me to work on transition beforehand. Not that I terribly think it would interfere with my studies, I am an intellectual by nature. I have a lot of other life circumstances to straighten out. Two young girls, new baby in June, save up money, pay down debts, etc. Usual life concerns.
Quitting smoking shouldn't be too bad. I've quit before. I will miss it, but it is for the best anyway. The only reason it's waiting for the end of the month is because I have a big bag of tobacco that I am trying to finish. I hate seeing things go to waste. My in-laws just quit so I have no one to pawn it off on and it makes for a good sense of closure finishing it.
She is still slacking about joining... But she will...
We had a memorial, but it was short... And I can't believe your solid gear reference, I forgot about that game till now.... I used to love it!!! That is really awesome that you did it... And passing must have made you feel wonderful!!! You do look great... I just looked at your pic.
About the voice, ya... That's how I feel... I think I look great, but the sound coming out of my mouth messes it all up... Lol. The nice thing about that, though, is with practice you can fix it to a degree... I've read a bunch about it you basically just have to keep trying till you think you sound good.
And it's never too late, I'm 36 this year but I'm doing my thing, it's funny because I keep meeting people the same age or close that are going through the same thing.
Tasha
I'm not super concerned about the voice. I have plenty of time to work on it. Besides it keeps me quiet. I talk too much anyway. Tell your wife to get the Tapatalk app for her phone/tablet. Unless she is a Luddite.
Passing was quite exciting. I figured I had a decent shot because I don't have overtly manly features. There are certainly tells for those with keen observation. I'll feel much better about everything as I lose weight. Hoping to get back down to what I weighed when I was in the Navy. Only 60 more pounds to go...it'll be a while. Currently sitting just under 230 looking to be around 205 by B-day in July. Not an unreasonable goal, just requires me to not get lazy.
My girls laughed at the picture. Daddy your wearing a dress. I'm not upset by it though. They think it's funny because boys don't wear dresses. I'm not actually out to my girls yet because young kids talk and I don't want to have that conversation yet with the in-laws and family. This is easily passed off because kids have wild imaginations [emoji2]
My daughter is older, and is discrete, but I do worry about my son. He is about to turn 4 and start school. But... I'm only so worried... I mean, I've worn heels and cute flared jeans around a few times... so I'm kinda asking to get caught, come out, whatever anyway.... most people so far have been understanding... so I just hope it stays that way...
I told my wife she is going to have to order for me when we finally go out, but that won't do much good when I get carded... lol
Very happy for you though... you are definitely making forward progress!!!
Tasha
Quote from: Tasha_ on March 22, 2016, 01:08:26 AM
My daughter is older, and is discrete, but I do worry about my son. He is about to turn 4 and start school. But... I'm only so worried... I mean, I've worn heels and cute flared jeans around a few times... so I'm kinda asking to get caught, come out, whatever anyway.... most people so far have been understanding... so I just hope it stays that way.
If you don't mind me asking, how old is your daughter? Mine are turning 6 and 4 here shortly. I mostly dress in pants and blouses around the house. I don't feel that it is asking to be caught. The first time my eldest said, "flowers, really dad? Boys don't like flowers.". I just took it in stride and said I like flowers and its okay for boys to line flowers and she just looked at me and moved on. The only times it becomes anything more is if I wear something overtly feminine like a skirt. Then it is just amusing for them.
It was funny the other day my youngest and I were playing with makeup. My eldest was distracted by the TV. When I came down stairs she started to say something and stopped mid sentence. "Dad you look like a girl." "Yes, I know." "Can I have a poptart?". That was pretty much it. It confuses them to a point, but ultimately they don't care. The biggest thing I've noticed is to just act like nothing is odd about it and move on. It will be a bit different once they are more socialized in school.
My son will be born in June. He will not get the chance to know his dad as a normal dad. After he is born we are going to get a family portrait with me as a male. I'm not upset about being different and I know there will be some stigma for him, but honestly I would rather be a loving parent than a rage/depression machine.
I wouldn't be too concerned about the ordering/getting carded thing. Your server shouldn't be rude because it is their job to be nice for a good tip. That being said it could be fun to have your wife treat you as a lady on a date. I look forward to hearing how your outing goes.
Amber
My daughter is about to turn 13... and she has always been very accepting of people being different. She forgot to ask me how I was dressing one day though and her friend caught me... but her mom is hippie-liberal and she is also discrete, so I basically explained it to her and asked her not to tell, she is a good kid too....
I actually went out in cute flared jeans, caged high heels, and a lacey shirt with makeup on once, but it was still not overtly obvious, while I had my facial hair still, and the server AND the bus boy went way out of their way to make me comfortable. Did I tell you about the second story balcony of a hotel? If not I'll have to tell you the story after work.... it's funny as hell.... and went a long way to helping me be more open in public.
The first time I shaved, my son said o look like someone he doesn't know, then told me to look in the mirror and tell him if I knew who I was... lol... then I got dressed and did makeup, put my wig on for the first time, he said I looked like a girl... I said good, am I cute? He said yes and continued playing.... it's easy for them I think...
Quote from: Tasha_ on March 22, 2016, 05:25:34 PM
Did I tell you about the second story balcony of a hotel? If not I'll have to tell you the story after work.... it's funny as hell...
Yes you did tell me that story. It's quite amusing.
We'll ladies, I went all out last night!!! Dinner at Olive Garden... shopping at three stores and two visits to convenience stores!!! I meant to bring stuff to clean off makeup in case I got scared.... but left it at home.... which was probably a good thing...
My wife talked me into wearing a dress instead of just jeans and a shirt... I feel like I totally passed, until I got carded for a drink at dinner to calm my nerves.... which went over no problem.... I was sooo nervous in the beginning that I was shaking, but it turned I to excitement and I was still shaking.... but it was wonderful to go out and be accepted!!!!
Thank you girls for all your support and sharing your experiences you have really helped me through a tough hurdle in my transition!!!
I had a hard time not giggling when I was referred to as a lovely lady, and almost DIED when my wife informed me that I was oogled at after I drove away from a man hitting on me.... that was not only the weirdest thing I have ever had happen to me, but also made me realize how annoying and pushy men can be towards women.... wonderful night!!!!
And thanks again for being here girls!!!
Well it's been a whirlwind of a time lately. Came out to a bunch of people in the last few days. Came out to my Mom, my sister and her husband, and a few friends. Everyone has been supportive or at least accepting. Moving forward with things. It's nice though to not have to hide it. Not that I felt terribly uncomfortable with having not told them. Now I don't have to worry as much about how I'm presenting and things I say.
There is almost universal consensus from people that I seem happier than I've been in years. That and the positive support from people helps me to believe that I am doing the right thing and making a positive change in my life.
Hi there, just sticking my nose in your thread to say the color on that wig is awesome, Tasha.
...
Seems like I should say something else, but I got nothin...
Be well!
Thank you!!! I feel like it looks too fake to wear it out, but I do like it!!!
Tasha
Well ladies, I have been slowly moving toward this apparently, but I am almost full time outside of work now. My voice is getting better, and I am really beginning to feel comfortable in my own skin. When I started all of this, I thought it was a fetish thing, then it became more, and now only 6-8 months later, I call myself a woman. I sometimes want to cry because I am not in a position to truly live full time, but I also appreciate that I can be fluid and not be stuck in one gender (even though I would like to lean even more towards my female self).
My wife accepts me completely, she has found joy in learning the new little things that Tasha likes, how she likes to be treated, and the things she enjoys doing. We have become so much closer and more intimate and honest with each other, and our relationship has only gotten stronger. My wife is my biggest supporter, and it's funny because she is attracted to ALL of me, all the time. We can be man and woman, and woman and woman, we have girl nights, dates, lovers quarrels, and most of all, deep meaningful conversations that we always love. We laugh together, and get angry together. And I have had the opportunity to get to know her as a girl-friend I the platonic sense, as well as the other, and we have such a fulfilling relationship that I never knew that it was possible.
I am not trying to brag, just revel in how happy I am becoming the farther down my path I go. It has not all been easy, and we had differences, and I had doubts and fears, and so did she. But as we earn together and get to know Tasha, we learn more about ourselves and learn to truly love.
It feels wonderful to have finally accepted myself and to actually know what is meant by not being able to love until you love yourself. I wish you all of you girls the happiness and hopefulness that I feel right now. Thank you all for being here for me to bell me discover myself. You will always be a huge part of my happiness.
With love,
Tasha
May I jump in here?
I'm going to an LGBT youth club on the 2nd May. I'm only really going for the clothes-trade session, as I find I don't really relate to the trans people in my area - they all have wacky hair and ten piercings, whereas I'm just a bit of a square. I'm keeping a lot of my girl clothes, because my boyfriend loved them, but a lot of stuff I never want to see again is going. I suspect I'm going to be one of the oldest people there, and one of the worst-passing, but I'm going anyway because it'd get me into the shower and out of the house.
Next up is the gender identity clinic consultation on the 10th June. I'm terrified for this, as my father has told me that they'll "take one look at me and chuck me out". If that does come to pass, I'll be saving up to go private.
That's about it for me.
Hey wild-eyed,
Did you recently come out to your dad? It doesn't sound like he is being very supportive!! If you haven't been getting the support you need, you have definitely come to the right place!! How long has your journey been? There are lots of people here that will talk to you, keep your head up, life is hard but it's not all bad!!!
So, I came out to one more person outside of blood relatives, and it was kind of nice because it was easy to tell him... mostly, knowing that he would be accepting of it. I also wish I would have told someone who I am unsure of how they would react or be negative first so I could vet that out of the way!!!! But at least I am taking steps. Hopefully one day I can stop bouncing back and forth and stay Tasha forever.....
Hey tasha,
I stumbled onto your post here. it was funny reading your girls talk about me earlier on. well, I'm presuming I'm the Sarah you were talking about.
You ARE the only Sarah we know and love here.... started this thread so your introduction didn't become about everybody else.....
as it should be, i don't want to have to compete with another princess haha ;D
my thread is for everyone
Lol, ya, but this happened before we got got to know you well, and I keep this one around now for being doom and gloom or for bragging.... lol.... I don't want to sound like a b*tch or bring the mood too low over there sometimes.... you are definitely a people magnet.... there is something about you that brought us all together....
nothing wrong with having your own thread.
i don't know about being a people magnet but we sure got a good little group going. it's interesting that we are so close in age and in our journeys.
I think you are all a few steps ahead, but I feel close anyway.... funny thing is, I usually post here because no-one reads it lol.... anyway, it's late for me, I'll talk to you tomorrow....
I'd safely say you are many steps ahead of me and incredibly lucky for your wife being so great.
The rest of the universe is fine with Jerrica but my wife does struggle at times which is ok. But to imagine having her full and enthusiastic support well there is no limit as to what we could do.
Tasha, you've got something special going for you with that support from your spouse. Not all of us are so fortunate.
And Jerrica, I know how that feels. I've been 'out' to my wife for almost 3 months, and she refuses to see Michelle. I'm pretty sure she is thinking this is only a passing phase (like that sig line; It's a phase that starts with conception, and probably is over with death.). No problems with showing up as myself for the therapist, the office staff, the local Starbucks, or retail stores. (Heck, I think the Ulta folks see dollar signs when I walk in.) When I get home, though, I have to text when I'm in the garage. Then she texts back when she's at the far end of the house, with doors closed. THEN I can come in, and try to present myself as male. (My 'male' wardrobe is growing, with Gloria Vanderbilt jeans, Lock&Love tops, shoes from the 'wrong' aisle, and similar items. Shhhh!). I honestly don't know how long this will last.
At least I'm coming up on the magic 3 month point in therapy, so I'll meet the Endocrinology Society requirement (2009; 3 months real-life or 3 months therapy). Come on, 'male fail'! My inner 14 year old girl is getting impatient...
(I hope you don't mind. The post sort of turned into a vent. I just have to get it out sometimes.)
I do feel very fortunate, I am sorry about you having such a difficult time, it breaks my heart to hear about spouses being so.... rigid, and unsupportive (I just made up a word!!)... I hope things get better for you!!!
Death as release... death is relief.
Don't get all crazy ladies, just remembering lyrics from a song I wrote as a kid... called it LSD.... as in ludicrous self departure.... isn't it all, aren't we all?
Love you all!!!
God (that I do not believe in) I love my wife (whim actually exists). She can make me feel better no matter how bad I feel.
Fantastic :)
I want to stop. I want to not have ever existed. I don't want to battle life and stereotypes and ignorant people. But I can't. I have to win. I have to go on because that is who I am. Even though I feel so weak, so... useless, I cannot stop.
Totally caught me out at the start of that post. Then I clicked with "who I am". Good for you ♡
Had a frustrating night, just had to post about it somewhere.... all the times I want to give up, I make myself continue. I am a very persistent and too stubborn to give up.... as much as I want to sometimes....
Tasha are you on hormones yet? At 53 I don't have high expectations about the physical effects of the hormones (although they have given me a really nice butt after only one month) but the psychological effects (for me at least) have been absolutely mind blowing. The only thing I feel bad about now is not having had access to hormones 35 years ago.
Cheer up and keep going. There literally is light at the end of the tunnel.
Not yet... but I am in the works of getting to a therapist now.... thanks for the support!!!
Tasha, you sound like me, a month ago.
It's not you. Our transphobic culture would very much like us to give up and 'go away'. Out-stubborn them! Persistence and stubbornness are GOOD traits for transgender folks to have, if only to face down and outlast the people who insist we can't exist.
And yeah, getting a therapist is a great step to take. I worked with a couple of therapists (one general, then a gender specialist) for three months before I realized that while they were helping me to understand myself, they weren't going to tell me what to do. I wrote up my own referral letter, as a sort of personal evaluation in third voice, describing my situation, perceived progress, and why I felt I had met the WPATH criteria to start hormone replacement therapy (HRT). It turned out that all I had to do was ask. :)
I've been on just an anti-androgen for about 3 weeks now, and damn, has it ever affected my mood, starting about 2 weeks in. I can't believe how much better I feel. I have no idea if it's 'placebo effect' or something real, but it sure feels real. I started crying this morning out of sheer joy, at the thought that I had lived under such a cloud for decades, and it was gone!
So, good move, and I hope you get to try HRT soon.
Lol... yes, the persistence has definitely been what gets me through. Thanks for all the support ladies!! I can't wait to talk to the therapist, I really think it will help.
Currently I feel i could be getting a step closer to a process in transisitioning. Therapy. Due to some health issues I've been painfully, but knowingly avoiding since puberty, it's at the push point where I must do something, otherwise I'll be forced to transition due to lack of any hormones at all. I'd stressed since 3 years ago when I found out what transgender was and which finally put a name to my feeling, how to pay for the process. I also had to deal with family that was tolerant, but not really (won't get into that). Now since i've still been ignoring what my body has been telling me, it finally gave me a kick late last month, and I said I had to do something.
Now there is a possibility I could go on government health. I'm not enthusiastic about, but on the other hand, I can't ignore the symptoms i'm dealing with. I also realised that, there is a chance i could at least do therapy and necessary surgery with this, should I get it. But that just leaves me wondering about hormones and chest surgery. I still have my own fears about hormones, but yet I've been working hard on myself to deal with as many of my behaviourial issues as possible so that some of those fears are no longer relevant. Because when and if I can get surgery, I know 100% I would need to take some kind of hormone for my health, and well being, and slowly I'm coming closer and closer to terms with the eventual need for testosterone. I'd even bee happy taking a balance of both so that I can reach a range of hormone that is comfortable and feels right to me. But it would definitely lean into the masculine range.
Therapy will be important and necessary now anyway, because what I have not been able to heal of my habits and traumas on my own, I must work with another person to see what else is going on and other ways of dealing. I've honestly tried all I can on my own, and now I'm ready to atleast start working on the other with gender issues getting talked about and dealt with also.
It sounds like you could really benefit from therapy.... it is important to be as informed as possible about your options and have someone with more experience to help you understand your options. I hope you get the help you need!!! Oh yeah, I am on govt assistance as well, and as much as I don't want to be on it I am grateful for the options I have because of it.
In regards to therapy
Do anyone know a good online option? I am in a place right now where someone not online would be impossible. But at the same time i also want to figure this out.
I answered something once and got a reply from Michelle omara..... seems okay but no real knowledge. She responded and we talked through email a couple of times but I wanted to see someone face to face.
Quote from: Cassuk on July 04, 2016, 05:07:54 PM
In regards to therapy
Do anyone know a good online option? I am in a place right now where someone not online would be impossible. But at the same time i also want to figure this out.
If you look in the links section of this site, there is a section for therapist. I think some of them work on line but you will need to sort through them and see if one will work for you.