Susan's Place Transgender Resources

hi!    :)

Is transition only appropriate when the only other alternative is suicide?
i.e. if its at all possible to postpone or avoid transition should one?

Welcome to Susan's Place. Treatment should start whenever you are ready to face it. I reached the point of suicide because I had to wait for treatment to become available. Today, children at age 3 or 4 start their transition and never have to deal with the pain and depression that we do. Some people on blockers buy time and remain in their birth role because the cost of transitioning is high for them. The remainder of us transition when we desire a normal life where we can be happy.

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In maximum threshold definitely. Really, transistioning is worth it when the opportunity costs are consider. Reasons not too; financially, jobs, and survival. If you are in a situation were transistioning would cost you food and water, then it is not worth it in my opinion. We all live in different countries too and considering that transistioning may not even be safe/death.

I plan on transistioning after I have a nice net egg, before 36, and after my college degree, and after my grandmother passes away. The damage has been done already, bone size, but to live as a middle age man is not my cup of tea. Money is something I need.

Becoming a female right now wouldnt be financially wise.

Its appropriate whenever you feel like it's best for you.

I'm of the opinion you should start transition the moment you realize you're trans cause there's just so much more to transition than just hormones and surgeries.

I transitioned because the alternative was suicide. The only reason the alternative was suicide was because of lack of knowledge and medical info and help from therapists. If I could of at least of taken hormones when I was 18 I would of sold my soul to do that , but I couldn't see the path. I've had a hell of a lot of therapy in my life for various reasons which probably could have as the root cause my dysphoria, but no therapist approached me with that option and I was too afraid to let my secret out. so to answer your question, no. Transition is appropriate when you come to realize who you are.

Quote from: stephaniec on March 06, 2016, 10:05:19 PM
I transitioned because the alternative was suicide.

so for you it wasnt until you were at the brink of suicide that you were willing to transition or willing to come to terms with it and once you came to terms with it transition naturally followed?

Quote from: Lady_Oracle on March 06, 2016, 10:04:01 PM
Its appropriate whenever you feel like it's best for you.

I'm of the opinion you should start transition the moment you realize you're trans cause there's just so much more to transition than just hormones and surgeries.

well, i know for certain im trans but just not sure how far on the spectrum i am. whether where i fall on that spectrum merits transition or not...i know for certain when i was 6 and my parents confronted me about wearing my sisters underwear and then asked me if i wanted to be a girl the answer was YES but i was too embarrassed to say so....that was early 80s though.  i had abstract dysphoria into my teens  and then seemed to acclimate to my body and embrace it to some extent... now many many years later i am in the process of unravelling all this. not sure if what im feeling of late is just the tip of the iceberg or not... but.... anyhow... 

Quote from: joanie on March 06, 2016, 10:43:57 PM
so for you it wasnt until you were at the brink of suicide that you were willing to transition or willing to come to terms with it and once you came to terms with it transition naturally followed?

that's only because I wasn't given the opportunity earlier in my life. It came to the point I had no choice , but it didn't have to be that way if the opportunity was shown to me 40 years earlier. I might look like I'm 30 in my avatar , but I was born in the time of electro shock therapy for people of my proclivity .

Quote from: stephaniec on March 06, 2016, 10:57:53 PM
that's only because I wasn't given the opportunity earlier in my life. It came to the point I had no choice , but it didn't have to be that way if the opportunity was shown to me 40 years earlier. I might look like I'm 30 in my avatar , but I was born in the time of electro shock therapy for people of my proclivity .

electro shock is no joke :/

no it isn't and I'm glad my parents were looking out for me. I  would of been a prime candidate. I was basically a mute and a crossdresser . They would ran that electricity just to try to pry my mouth open.

Hi Joanie it's best once you hit a point where you need to. Often it can be before you hit the point of suicide or transition. I knew where I was heading before transitioning this time around and considering I had nearly died before I knew had to transition this time around. The key is you should only do it if that is what you need or want to do. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah

Really, I think there's a range in being trans that goes between mild dysphoria (enough to realize your gender identity doesn't quite align with your sex) and severe dysphoria to the point of being suicidal because of it. I'm not sure it needs to get to the severe end to be 'appropriate', rather it needs to be past the mild part enough where you know you can't and don't want to live the rest of your life presenting as you are. Even if you understand you can't live the rest of your life without transitioning, I don't think that necessarily means you've become suicidal. Only you can really determine this, but I'd say think long and hard about it, and talk to a therapist. If you have doubts at all, then you need to think about it. Transitioning isn't easy, and obviously can have lasting repercussions.

Also making no decision is a decision as well. dēcīdere literally, to cut off. When you decide theres no point in going back to the same past either.

I didnt even know what I was dealing with until maybe 15 years ago when I found this place.. that was 32 years of not really understanding why I thought the way I did. I spent alot of time hiding it. I should have started 15 years ago. For me it was being ready, ... and I still have doubts, but keep pushing forward. Recently... in the last year, I realized exactly what I needed to do and why and knew my problems would only get worse if I kept waiting. Thats when I made the decision to do something. I also have the right life at the moment to make the move.. so maybe things fall together for a reason.

I was suicidal and bi polar before, now Im pretty happy though the transition period does bring its own problems, so be prepared for that.

In My opinion the appropriate time to transition is whenever You know/feel it is the right time for You .I believe that if You leave it until You are on the verge of Suicide you are well past the point that You should be seriously considering Transition .I think that as in My case there comes a point when everything in Your life is indicating that this is what You need to do so all You need to do is Accept that it is inevitable bite the bullet and Go for it .That is what I did and I have never ever looked back .My life has been so much better since I became the girl I had always been .I am happier and that reflects on My friends ,Family and Work colleagues and they respond better to Me .I have recently been asked if I would be willing to Join a steering group within My company for LGBT staff to represent the Transgender side of LGBT and that I regard as a huge compliment as I would be the visible Face of transgender within a Huge Global corporation (no pressure then LOL) Once  You make the start Life will start to improve I believe

Sometimes it's dependent on finance- it is for me, anyway. Say your career is being fickle, or even the fact that you are trying to make money to pay for hormones, therapy, surgery, etc... If you are not in the position to do so, that can be a very strong halt. Not that surgery is the major thing about transitioning, but for me it's vital, otherwise I don't see the point if I can't do it the way I want to. There was no transitioning for me if I couldn't allow myself that, not even mental/emotional.

Finance was the pre-cursor for me. I know that people have worked around finance, have insurance, just being resourceful- I couldn't do that. I only felt it was time when I didn't have to worry. I still do worry but that's just because worrying is a past time for me.

I've felt this way since I was a child, it only made sense for me to pursue it when it's feasible, because I've waited this long anyway.

"When is transition appropriate?"

When you know it would make you happier.  :)

Hugs, Devlyn

I had a plan in place; I realized that I needed several years of HRT and FFS before I could transition, but that was what I needed to do; everyone is different, so we have different timelines.

Joanie,

I think many of us don't really know an exact time. Hence, the suggestion of when you are ready.  I found therapy very helpful to guide me to make choices.

I am sorry I had not noticed. Are you currently in therapy?

Good luck, love, acceptance and a smooth path(wherever it takes you).

With warmth,

Joanna

Quote from: Joanna50 on March 07, 2016, 11:56:07 AM
Joanie,

. Are you currently in therapy?

Good luck, love, acceptance and a smooth path(wherever it takes you).

With warmth,

Joanna

I am in therapy. Tomorrow will be my third appointment :) My therapist seems to feel that I have the answers within and his approach is to ask me questions and such to help me find my answers, or something like that haha. The main thing i came to him seeking clarity on was whether or not to transition but it seems like one of my sources is hesitation is whether or not i am Trans enough to be happy post transition.... Its SUCH a confusing mess! :P  Ive also attended a trans discussion group at the local lgbt center per his suggestion which was pretty cool. It was also my first non halloween outing fully dressed.. Since then ive started wearing girl stuff out more often, but without makeup and clothes that, although women's, could be worn by a guy so its a subtle thing. I probly just look oddly cuter than usual, a bit more femme...

p.s. You folk are reallly nice !  :)

The reason we are required to live in the desired role a year before surgery is to be sure we will be happy in our new role. Because of money issues I cross lived over 2 years and it was near the end of the second year that it was clear to me the male role held nothing for me. If I had surgery at the end of the first year, I don't think I would have been as sure about my decision as I was when  I made it.

The transition is many small step and only after you have completed them, is it important to know if surgery is right for you. For now, just decide if you want to attempt the next step and forget about the end game.

Quote from: Dena on March 07, 2016, 02:52:15 PM
The reason we are required to live in the desired role a year before surgery is to be sure we will be happy in our new role. Because of money issues I cross lived over 2 years and it was near the end of the second year that it was clear to me the male role held nothing for me. If I had surgery at the end of the first year, I don't think I would have been as sure about my decision as I was when  I made it.

The transition is many small step and only after you have completed them, is it important to know if surgery is right for you. For now, just decide if you want to attempt the next step and forget about the end game.

Yes, this makes good sense. Ive been at a standstill trying to figure out whether or not I want to start HRT which although it isnt surgery still has very permanent effects? But I suppose electrolysis shouold precede HRT a little bit and maybe there are some small steps I can take before starting electrolysis, which is also permanent...  I definately would like to live as a woman to see  but it seems like one cant really experience that until hormones have done some of their work.. pre hormones would be a different experience altogether i would imagine?

For the MTF the hormones act much slower than t and the effects aren't as noticeable. In addition, some of the effect will lesson if you discontinue HRT. You may also decide to start with just the blockers as they will produce the most noticeable mental effect with feminizing your body. Estrogen can be added latter if you like how you feel and decide to move forward. You may also ask for low dose estrogen at around a quarter the transition dose which would give you more time to decide.

Hair and makeup can go a long ways toward feminizing you face and sometimes HRT may only make small changes to your face. You also need to be careful about judging your appearance because others may see you as feminine long before you see yourself as feminine.

Laser or electrolysis take time so they are best to start early, but a good question to ask yourself is can you ever see yourself wearing a beard. If you can't, I suspect you won't miss shaving every day so I don't think you would regret removing your facial hair.

Quote from: Dena on March 07, 2016, 03:40:24 PM
For the MTF the hormones act much slower than t and the effects aren't as noticeable. In addition, some of the effect will lesson if you discontinue HRT. You may also decide to start with just the blockers as they will produce the most noticeable mental effect with feminizing your body. Estrogen can be added latter if you like how you feel and decide to move forward. You may also ask for low dose estrogen at around a quarter the transition dose which would give you more time to decide.

Hair and makeup can go a long ways toward feminizing you face and sometimes HRT may only make small changes to your face. You also need to be careful about judging your appearance because others may see you as feminine long before you see yourself as feminine.

Laser or electrolysis take time so they are best to start early, but a good question to ask yourself is can you ever see yourself wearing a beard. If you can't, I suspect you won't miss shaving every day so I don't think you would regret removing your facial hair.

haha :) yeah, i would never , ever , ever want to have a beard!    I actually only shave once a week. takes about that long for the stubble to become a nuisance... and while i dont like beards, when im in boy mode the stubble does contribute to a handsome look, so it is something to consider for me.

I was under the impression that breasts didnt go away when one stopped hrt?      also, isnt one rendered sterile rather quickly?
I have a partner of sorts at the moment and she enjoys my equipment so to speak and although i would love for shrinkage to occur i do have some trepidation regarding loss of function... it all seems so major and scarrrry ! haha
but ok , sounds like mild regiments are something I should investigate...
thanks for the thoughtful replies :)))

Quote from: joanie on March 06, 2016, 09:52:29 PM
hi!    :)

Is transition only appropriate when the only other alternative is suicide?
i.e. if its at all possible to postpone or avoid transition should one?

Transitioning does offer the "Do-Over" option. Suicide is final. Most/all of the members of my support group were at that point. I've been there a few times myself. I also still live and present as male.

Balance

I found it, still working it, by figuring out how to allow these two great aspects of myself to peacefully coexist within me. My life, for the most part, is boring, yet immensely complicated between a challenging job and a semi-invalid wife.

For me, "Transition" is the dictionary meaning; To Change. These past 7 years I changed a lot. Much much more emotionally then physically. Yet a lot of my emotional growth is thanks to HRT and its effects.

Being happy simply being yourself.  The real trick is sorting out who that really is. I figure in another 10-20 years I'll know for sure  ;D

Quote from: JoanneB on March 07, 2016, 08:02:56 PM


Being happy simply being yourself.  The real trick is sorting out who that really is. I figure in another 10-20 years I'll know for sure  ;D

haha :) if ever , right?

well, I'm definitely not suicidal at the moment but I guess thats partially why it's so hard to commit... the nebulousness is confusing. Maybe ill just follow what feels good and keep walking in that direction.

Quote from: joanie on March 07, 2016, 04:23:26 PM
I was under the impression that breasts didnt go away when one stopped hrt?      also, isnt one rendered sterile rather quickly?
I have a partner of sorts at the moment and she enjoys my equipment so to speak and although i would love for shrinkage to occur i do have some trepidation regarding loss of function... it all seems so major and scarrrry ! haha
but ok , sounds like mild regiments are something I should investigate...
thanks for the thoughtful replies :)))

Breast develop slow so in the early sages, they might be mistaken for moobs. If you are on HRT for a while, they might get a little smaller but they will remain.
Sterile, I am unsure. Yes, it's a good idea to preserve a sample if you think you want it latter but we have a thread where a MTF and FTM who have been in treatment from the start of puberty went off hormones and are having a child. Others argue that isn't possible so you be the judge.
As for loss of function, that can happen on the blockers but it's also possible to reduce the T level without totally eliminating it. If you stop the blockers function would return. Naturally if you use a lower dose of blocker or stop it, the TG feelings will remain or return.

From the moment I accepted I was Trans my journey to fufill my life began. I was a very successful male and one who was raised to be responsible to my family. So I waited until had fufilled my family obligations. But that's how I was raised by a loving family unit.

I'm sorry for your pain, Joanie. Really, when it comes down to it, it's different for everyone. Additionally, everyone's transition is different depending on their age, privilege, ability, and even geography. What is truly important is self-acceptance. Please know that there is nothing wrong with you, even if you do not feel like it is feasible to transition right now or ever. Remember you can be a beautiful woman on the inside even if you have a hard time seeing it in the mirror. You are not your reflection. I wish you all the luck in the world.

I believe there are many degrees of transition.  A wise person would only transition far enough to bring the dysphoria down to a tolerable level.

After a few years of HRT, I found myself comfortable with who I am.  I found I don't need to wear a dress, wig and makeup to feel right.  In fact that's a bit more trouble than it's worth.  I DO have very nice legs and very substantial breasts, but I'm also mostly bald.

I've met other trans* people and some of them assumed I was FTM instead of MTF.  I've spent decades trying to act out the role of a man.  I refuse to spend my remaining years acting out the role of a woman. When I am wearing my typical summer garb of khaki shorts and a polo shirt, it pretty clear that I'm not really male.  I guess a wig would alleviate the ambiguity and let people think I'm a butch woman. 

I'm through with "acting".  Now I am free to be who I really am.  There really IS a middle ground and, for me, it's where I need to be.

Randi

Quote from: Dena on March 07, 2016, 08:21:28 PM
Breast develop slow so in the early sages, they might be mistaken for moobs. If you are on HRT for a while, they might get a little smaller but they will remain.
Sterile, I am unsure. Yes, it's a good idea to preserve a sample if you think you want it latter but we have a thread where a MTF and FTM who have been in treatment from the start of puberty went off hormones and are having a child. Others argue that isn't possible so you be the judge.
As for loss of function, that can happen on the blockers but it's also possible to reduce the T level without totally eliminating it. If you stop the blockers function would return. Naturally if you use a lower dose of blocker or stop it, the TG feelings will remain or return.

For me, moobs would be very unpleasant if i was presenting as a man... I guess the middle ground approach seems untenable to some degree for me... I do want to have some sex appeal as a woman or if I must remain as I am to not lose what I have. Is transition almost an asexual thing for many? I do value being a sexual being although I do not have the overpowering and insistent libido that many seem to describe pre hormones. In face alot of my sex drive seems similar to post estrogen descriptions, driven more by intimacy and thought... which makes me wonder if I've perhaps always had low T levels?
hmmmm haha anyhow.....

I have always been asexual but I am a small minority. If you were sexually active before the transition, you will most likely want some form of sexual relationship after your transition. You may not want it as much and it may take a different form but sex won't go away.

thanks for that dena, thats reassuring......
:)

Quote from: joanie on March 08, 2016, 02:50:55 PM
For me, moobs would be very unpleasant if i was presenting as a man... I guess the middle ground approach seems untenable to some degree for me... I do want to have some sex appeal as a woman or if I must remain as I am to not lose what I have. Is transition almost an asexual thing for many? I do value being a sexual being although I do not have the overpowering and insistent libido that many seem to describe pre hormones. In face alot of my sex drive seems similar to post estrogen descriptions, driven more by intimacy and thought... which makes me wonder if I've perhaps always had low T levels?
hmmmm haha anyhow.....

I think a lot of it is influenced by our own perceptions... so think positive thoughts! I look at my tits, and sometimes I think, 'hmm, not round enough, they look kinda like moobs' but they've certainly developed a lot. And tits aside, I get a lot of attention from men, and some women. Really, my opinion of my appearance doesn't matter that much. Many people find me attractive. I can have sex delivered like Dominos if I wanted. :D It's just really weird comparing my own self-image to what it actually is to other people... Honestly, I feel like being trans is automatically this thing that limits me from being attractive to others, but in reality I'm hawt and can get action whever I want. :) Strange stuff.

PMA! :) I wanna be haawt ! haha    May I ask you how long you've been on hormones Ashey?
and yes, perception is indeed a funny thing!

Quote from: joanie on March 11, 2016, 04:43:23 AM
PMA! :) I wanna be haawt ! haha    May I ask you how long you've been on hormones Ashey?
and yes, perception is indeed a funny thing!

Whatever my sig says. Almost two and a half years. And yeah, it really is. I don't know if I said it here or another thread, but my own perception of my self-image is still forming. I get attention, I get all sorts of compliments, but I look at myself and think 'am I reeeeally that different?? what's changed??'.. Granted, there have been a lot of subtle changes, which I suppose have contributed to the whole, but I still don't fully grasp it all. It's like a huge change but it isn't. Strange stuff. It's like, a few minor differences, plus women's clothes, and suddenly guys are all over me. Whaaat?? :laugh: Doesn't make sense! So it's either all the little changes put together, or maybe something else that I'm putting out there. Other people certainly see it though, even if I don't completely.

I asked my therapist that exact question.  Her response was "Now."
"Why" I asked.
"Because you are here now and not 45, 40, 30, 10 nor even 1 year ago.  You are here now, therefore you are ready."

I believe she was right.  If I wasn't ready, I wouldn't have been in her office and now I'm nervous but I'm definitely ready.  BTW I tried to stop the train and after about 45 days, I was sliding into depression without realizing it. 

I've always refused to live as a woman. I've never really lived as one, even though I'm pre-everything. I'm not out to everyone though, so I'm just like whatever, it's their problem if they don't see me as male since I dress and act like one. But now came a point where the physical dysphoria is just too much. It's what holds me back. I can't see my life living with this body and name. The most appropriate time to transition is highly personal, of course, but if you get to the point where you just feel like you can't take it anymore, then that's a stong signal you should set transition as your priority. That's what I'm doing now, even though I can't transition now because it would mean having to come out to my entire family and it'd be an issue, and I'm not even financially independent, and still live with them. So, that's another thing: being independent immensely helps if you don't live in a super accepting environment. Financially independent, that's another thing to consider. And first of all, your feelings. You don't have to get to the point of being desperate and suicidal though, you should just feel like you're ready.

I would say when it hurts enough.

my therapist is loathe to offer opinions but rather hopes to help me find my answers within... not an easy task! haha
my latest assignment is just to gather information from people i meet at the trans support groups regarding hrt, insurance coverage and whatever else im curious about... my main problem is that although much of the time my desire to transition is very strong I also have days or parts of days where Im just my regular old guy self.. The pain Im experiencing comes more from the confusion of what to do or not to do than anything else , or at least thats how it seems. While the more feminine I look the happier I am, it doesnt kill me yet havin the male stuff.... pain is the great motivator ! maybe im not in enough pain?   While I am financially self supporting  the cost of even electrolysis is rather daunting... Additionally , being self employed in the arts, while being pretty cool, its hard to judge just how transition would impact my relationships with dealers and clients and whatnot.....  I do feel like im edging towards at least trying out hormones... a little scared I wont be able to stop.. just like shaving my legs haha

just feel ready. :) well , its nice to not have to be suicidal to qualify. I suppose anyone willing to make such a drastic life change must have reason enough. I mean, personally , I think people should be able to fashion themselves however they want but I have a hard time applying that to myself. Or maybe Im just waiting for the courage to act.....

I thought this was going to be nice and simple but you just complicated the daylights out of it. I have a total of three threads for you to review and see if it feels right. If the first two don't feel right, don't bother with the third one. If the threads ring true, a transition may still be in your future but you will have to consider it a bit more carefully.

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,201219.0.html
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,202966.0.html
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,196073.0.html

ha! I have a tendency to do that!  Thanks Dena :)  There are definately elements of the first thread i can very much relate to.. will read through the rest :)

earlier in the week at my therapists we went over the dsms current criteria. For children one needed 6 out of 8 to qualify and i would have had 5 as a kid. For the adults its onlt 2 out of 6 I think and I had 4 out of 6. Makes sense for the adult criteria to be a bit less stringent. But yeah, careful consideration....

Quote from: Dena on March 11, 2016, 06:59:23 PM
I thought this was going to be nice and simple but you just complicated the daylights out of it. I have a total of three threads for you to review and see if it feels right. If the first two don't feel right, don't bother with the third one. If the threads ring true, a transition may still be in your future but you will have to consider it a bit more carefully.

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,201219.0.html
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,202966.0.html
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,196073.0.html

ok, yes, actually ive been following the first two threads and posting in the second already. The third is definately interesting to me as thats the place Im in at the moment... I dress female at home almost all the time, with my partner I am always female and I often am in public androgynously.. And Ive always been a bit bisexual, so no real problem identifying as fluid or non binary. I think where I differ might that I do  have a strong desire for female anatomy. I want breasts. I really want to see my Girl Face.. I even have a definate desire for srs.   I m just not sure Ill die if none of that happens. Does desire warrant the price involved? Its also tangled up with my sexuality so i wonder about the scorned auto gynephila theory ( i might have that name wrong)  I know you cant answer these questions for me but its very helpful hearing others experiences and thoughts and opinions !

The theory is a forbidden topic on this site as it has been disproven so no more discussion of it. As for the rest, having SRS and being non binary form the other side is acceptable and you will find some of the posters in those threads are exactly that. The two questions you have to answer is who do you want to go to bed as and who do you want to go to bed with.

Some people are close enough to the center that surgery isn't important to them others are closer to the transsexual end and if they ID as female 80-90% of the time. They find it difficult to remain comfortable with their birth gender.

It's going to be a value call if cross living or surgery will put you in the comfort zone and I can't answer it for you.

One thing is sure and that is you will have a lot to report to your doctor on the next visit. Think your doctor will give me a kick back  ::)

You sound like me when you say you want female parts and srs except my case is reversed because I am a trans man. I have always identified as 100% male and never been comfortable with my body. However the decision to transition at some point in the future when it will be possible for me was somewhat recent because of misinformation I had and fears. But I realized nothing can be more scary than keeping on living with the wrong body. So that's the moment when I decided I need to transition, need and not just want. I want and need it for the sake of my mental health. Also the dysphoria got worse after puberty and all so that was another factor.

Quote from: joanie on March 11, 2016, 08:49:45 PM
ok, yes, actually ive been following the first two threads and posting in the second already. The third is definately interesting to me as thats the place Im in at the moment... I dress female at home almost all the time, with my partner I am always female and I often am in public androgynously.. And Ive always been a bit bisexual, so no real problem identifying as fluid or non binary. I think where I differ might that I do  have a strong desire for female anatomy. I want breasts. I really want to see my Girl Face.. I even have a definate desire for srs.   I m just not sure Ill die if none of that happens. Does desire warrant the price involved? Its also tangled up with my sexuality so i wonder about the scorned auto gynephila theory ( i might have that name wrong)  I know you cant answer these questions for me but its very helpful hearing others experiences and thoughts and opinions !

I had all of that and constantly went back and forth between "I absolutely need to" and "I was totally mistaken". I personally wouldn't worry about the sexuality aspect of it. Unless you feel like it would be better on the other side and that's the only reason, it doesn't really play a part in the decision. Most of us are sexual creatures and that's always going to be wound together for us. BUT you should make sure that's not a requirement either. My drive went from a 10 to a 0 when I got on HRT. For me it was a blessing. For someone else, maybe not.

I don't know the reasons for why people go longer without addressing this. I think in my case it was that I was built like a woman already, so the dysphoria wasn't as strong for me, yet I still hit that do or die moment that I never thought I'd hit. It just took me 39 years to get there.

I was already leaning in the direction of a transition before I hit it and I got that far by watching youtube videos of people asking a bunch of therapy style questions. One in particular struck a chord for me and that was which gender I would be if I was the only remaining human. The answer was obvious for me. The final nudge I needed was the do or die moment. I still question whether I made the right decision sometimes, but I remind myself of the road I was heading down last year and how quickly that changed by starting the transition and that's what gives me the motivation to continue down this path.

Quote from: Dena on March 11, 2016, 09:42:06 PM
The theory is a forbidden topic on this site as it has been disproven so no more discussion of it. As for the rest, having SRS and being non binary form the other side is acceptable and you will find some of the posters in those threads are exactly that. The two questions you have to answer is who do you want to go to bed as and who do you want to go to bed with.

Some people are close enough to the center that surgery isn't important to them others are closer to the transsexual end and if they ID as female 80-90% of the time. They find it difficult to remain comfortable with their birth gender.

It's going to be a value call if cross living or surgery will put you in the comfort zone and I can't answer it for you.

One thing is sure and that is you will have a lot to report to your doctor on the next visit. Think your doctor will give me a kick back  ::)

Well IMHO if you're like me and in the very grey 50% +/- end of the spectrum life can be complicated, especially for a late transitioner where you figured out (mostly) how to make value judgements to balance so many conflicting needs/wants.

For me surgery is not even on the radar. In an ideal world I'd live full time as female in a heartbeat. In the real world there is too much risk for my personal circumstances. My body dysphoria is not all that overwhelming. My size/weight and flab factor bothers me more more then dangly bits. Both I'd rather not have, my weight is a constant battle.

My wife is far from thrilled how my body has changed. At the same time those changes have given me life, given me a life. That she is OK with. I compromise as does she. I have a prioity list of needs which is pretty much totally satisfied. "Wants".... well we all have them. They help define our lives, give a reason to struggle, give us joy.

As a late bloomer THE one most important tidbit of information as well as the most confounding thing is "Needs" and "Wants". While neither one must be satisfied, "Needs" are essentially absolutes. "Wants".... well, they can wait

In my 20's I twice "Experimented" with transitioning. I wanted to see how life can be as a female after wanting to be one for pretty much all of it. I learned the reality of it for a kid in the 70's. I learned I did not "Need" to transition.

Thirty years later I was hit with a need to do something about being trans. Especially to do something about how I was not handling being trans. I started this phase with transition completely off the table. Been there. Tried it. NOT for me.

There are days I feel I need to transition. Most days I'd like to. Many days I wish someone will shot me and put me out of my misery. Most days I'm also just fine being.....me. The new, enlightened me, who spent a ton of hours and (emotional) energy growing. The me with a body I live with thanks to HRT, yet still living and working as male.

So far the days I'd "Like" to, vs the the days I "Need" are heavily tilted to the "Like" to end. I try to maintain the balance I need to in my life

If you believe you come out better
I don't care about your motivations

There is absolutely no need to stress out over this. Enjoy being yourself, a woman. Be proud to be a woman. Take your HRT, remove the wrong hormones, enjoy the correct hormones. Groom your body more normal, dress more normal, take better care of your body, face, hair, nails, enjoy life. Start early in life if you can to enjoy a fuller life. For me there was very little support years ago so I had to suffer through with a male body that was so wrong. Please do not go though what I had to endure. These days are so much better. Get on some estrogen & enjoy life!!!

haha gosh! I wish I could accept this and act upon it with out stress. I do like the simplicity you imply though Francis Ann!

and yes, need vs. want. Its hard for me to determine whether its needed. I suspect that I will not be able to resist the overwhelming desires to transition much longer and to be honest it kind of terrifies me!

Quote from: Dena on March 11, 2016, 09:42:06 PM
The theory is a forbidden topic on this site as it has been disproven so no more discussion of it. As for the rest, having SRS and being non binary form the other side is acceptable and you will find some of the posters in those threads are exactly that. The two questions you have to answer is who do you want to go to bed as and who do you want to go to bed with.

Some people are close enough to the center that surgery isn't important to them others are closer to the transsexual end and if they ID as female 80-90% of the time. They find it difficult to remain comfortable with their birth gender.

It's going to be a value call if cross living or surgery will put you in the comfort zone and I can't answer it for you.

One thing is sure and that is you will have a lot to report to your doctor on the next visit. Think your doctor will give me a kick back  ::)

Haha mmmhmm :)
Well, I definitely want to go bed as Joanie. WHO I want to go to bed is in flux.
What is cross living? Living as a woman without HRT?

Quote from: joanie on March 13, 2016, 03:36:17 PM
Haha mmmhmm :)
Well, I definitely want to go bed as Joanie. WHO I want to go to bed is in flux.
What is cross living? Living as a woman without HRT?

Cross living is living in the opposite gender without benefit of reassignment surgery. Before modern treatment became available, people would live in the opposite gender depending only on their natural ability to pass. Today, someone might get HRT, facial surgery and maybe other procedures but retain their birth gender. There are people on the site who live this way because they are comfortable in that role or for some reason a full transition isn't possible. The only reason I know who they are is because they have been open enough with their life for me to know their current status.

oh!  :)

Quote from: joanie on March 13, 2016, 03:25:59 PM
haha gosh! I wish I could accept this and act upon it with out stress. I do like the simplicity you imply though Francis Ann!

and yes, need vs. want. Its hard for me to determine whether its needed. I suspect that I will not be able to resist the overwhelming desires to transition much longer and to be honest it kind of terrifies me!

There is just so much talk & discussion, etc......it goes on & on. If you enjoy being female & being a woman just let go & improve your self, be happy with your self. No woman's body or face is perfect.....None of us will ever become perfect but we must try & our best. Good luck to us all.  I've never had any mental stress at all with being female. On the contrary I'm very glad. My only concerns are with the physical changes & the costs. My plastic surgeon loves to see me, $, hahahaha

haha yes, ive certainly talked it to death and beyond.... ok, letting go and being happy ;)

well, I had my orientation appoinment for hrt today.. Doctor appt. in 2 weeks for blood work and tests and stuff.....
yikes! things are getting very real ! haha exciting but also kinda scarrrrryyyyy  :)

Quote from: joanie on March 06, 2016, 09:52:29 PM
hi!    :)

Is transition only appropriate when the only other alternative is suicide?
i.e. if its at all possible to postpone or avoid transition should one?

The instant I felt envy of those who have the female form, I knew it was time to contemplate transitioning. I was in a relationship with a girl, and romance became very difficult because I simply wanted to be in her place more than I did mine. If anyone ever thinks to themselves that they're not enjoying life due to their gender, they should consider transitioning, in my opinion.

I absolutely agree with gymrat. That's how I figured out transition is my only option. I am not enjoying my life mostly because of the gender I was assigned at birth. It's not just social, it's strongly physical too. So I want to change it through HRT and surgeries. And that's how you know...

I wasn't suicidal at all (nor am I now). I was and still am happily married. I saw it as an ascension, a rising into a place of deeper happiness. It was an act of self love to transition. There were tears and times of desperation, sure, but generally it was a 'running toward' rather than a 'running away from,' if that makes sense. Good luck!


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Quote from: gymrat93 on April 26, 2016, 09:53:48 PM
The instant I felt envy of those who have the female form, I knew it was time to contemplate transitioning. I was in a relationship with a girl, and romance became very difficult because I simply wanted to be in her place more than I did mine. If anyone ever thinks to themselves that they're not enjoying life due to their gender, they should consider transitioning, in my opinion.

wow. yeah, been going through this for a few years... the only way I seem to  function sexually is by being in girl mode...the more i embrace my femininity and express it the more enjoyable and accessible  the sexual experience is for me. Im currently involved with a girl who is into and open to this stuff which has been wonderful in terms of allowing me to explore and experiment. Prior to her and prior to realizing i was trans it was all very confusing and demoralizing. Ive always wanted to be in the girls place but now there doesnt seem to even really be an option.. im a girl? haha

Quote from: Pollyanna on April 27, 2016, 10:34:18 AM
I wasn't suicidal at all (nor am I now). I was and still am happily married. I saw it as an ascension, a rising into a place of deeper happiness. It was an act of self love to transition. There were tears and times of desperation, sure, but generally it was a 'running toward' rather than a 'running away from,' if that makes sense. Good luck!


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Ascension!  :)))

I notice a lot of others say that transitioning is common when the only alternative is death, but i really disagree with that...hopefully it never gets to that point. What encourages me the most is knowing that society has been 'coming around' more so lately to LGBT issues. I recently made the decision to transition and come out bc im at the point i dont care what others really think of me and rather care about being truly happy. Since i made this decision ive surprisingly lost a lot of anxiety and frustration id been carrying for years. Youd be surprised how much easier it may be to come out and transition versus doing nothing. Note, you may want to try and have all your ducks in a row though,  job, finances, etc. My 2c

If I wouldn't have transitioned I would have continued to be miserable in the closet (btw, being in the closet is not the same as being stealth; whereas stealth is when you have transitioned to living full-time as your true gender, and  everything from your looks to your sneeze and laugh are so flawless that you pass 100% as cis, and no one would even consider that you could even remotely be trans *the thought never enters there mind*; and of course all of your records have been changed, so there is no way to link you to your pre-transition past), but I knew since I was 25 that I was going to transition, I just didn't know how to start the process until just before my 35th birthday and I had access to the Internet for the first time, and then I had to wait another 9 years to transition (I am a realist, and I'm extremely patient when I need to be, so that I can ensure the best possible outcome), because of work and family issues, and I went back to school and got a degree, and I *needed* some FFS before I could go full-time, so I had to save for that. And I also wanted to allow time for HRT to feminize me as much as possible before I went full-time(I was a bodybuilder for several years and I took anabolic steroids for a year, so I had to allow time for muscle atrophy).

Kittenpower your picture always makes me really happy :) so you started at age 44? thats so inspiring!   
well, i had my bloodwork done on monday. I have an appointment at the end of the month to get my prescription for HRT if I want it.....Not sure how I m gonna come to any certainty in the next 3 weeks but I guess im gonna try... Figured id take a stab at spending a few weeks completely male.. no dressing, no browsing trans timelines, forums, etc. and just see how it feels. Maybe get an idea of what it will be like to not start transition....