so we all have gender dysphoria but i find i can live for 75% of the time not thinking about it but theres certain thing that really give me dysphoric feelings when Its not on my mind. the biggest one for me are bananas :laugh: :laugh: i know right its so weird. yet other phallus shaped food don't bother me il eat pork sausages until they come out my ears. another one for me is walking down the street and seeing a mens clothing shop.
so whats yours? i wonder who can come up with the funniest
Quote from: Elanore joey on March 19, 2016, 11:21:31 AM
so whats yours? i wonder who can come up with the funniest
Well, I don't claim that mine are funny. The sight of me in the mirror, sans wig or hat, where my bald/thin spots are showing will do it for me.
I have lost some weight recently, so I had to shop this week for new business outfits.
It dragged me down to one of the circles of dante's inferno , knowing that I really want to shop upstairs in the womans department.
Another thing is if I see a woman with full red hair, this is so hard because I lost mine so early.
No that funny, but this is it...
the shopping in the mens department when i wanted to be in the womens department did hurt me before coming out but after coming that went pretty much straight the way cuz i was full time within 9 months and i didnt buy any more mens clothes apart from a new hoody and i still wear a mens hoody because i just love this particular hoody from primark so cheap yet lasts so long.
i get dysphoria from looking in the mirror normally when in there bathroom having a shower or shaving but i find it disappears when i put on my nice underwear and make up, luckily I'm only 23 and i have more hair than a mountain goat on my head so i have the issue of trying to keep it under control.
and sorry re reading my post funny probably isn't the right word use we have to live with these issues every day.
Quote from: Thessa on March 19, 2016, 11:55:25 AM
Another thing is if I see a woman with full red hair, this is so hard because I lost mine so early.
Of course, a visit to a wig shop might fix this...
wigs have become very fashionable lately, before training as a scientist i was a hair stylist and towards the end of my career i saw a massive increase in young ladies wearing wigs. if your hair makes you feel bad just think of a wig as a fashion choice.
My triggers are showering, being naked, misgendering and not passing. I also get triggered by seeing myself in the mirror and when people I know destroy my passing in front of strangers.
My trigger is pretty straight forward - Women.
Typically women who are well dressed and take the time to be presentable. My head just screams - THAT COULD BE ME! Even my wife triggered it at times. That was a really difficult time. Until I got over that about her, it was daily resentment that she was a she and I wasn't.
And now that I'm starting to transition (a thought that just 3 months ago was unobtainable) when I see the same thing I think - hummm, I'm not sure I'd wear that top with those pants, nice job on the eye shadow, etc...
Shopping for (men's) clothes, or being with my wife when she's shopping for clothes. Seeing all the nice stuff that I'd like to wear instead of the uncomfortable, colourless, boring stuff that I have to wear.
wearing clothes
not wearing clothes
being around any other humans
i can relate to the human part of that but for me its not dysphoria its just a general dislike for the majority of the human race :laugh: :laugh:
For me, my dysphoria was more that I hated being seen as and treated as male, along with all the gender segregation and expectations that flowed from that. Now that I have accomplished transition at a public and social level and am seen and accepted as female in almost every area of my life my dysphoria is very low.
Generally I'm fine with my body despite the plumbing parts not being what I feel to be the right parts. Surgery might fix that perception to a degree but I'm not kidding myself that either way my body will never be functional in the way a genetic woman's is. That is a low background hum source of dysphoria but I feel my life as a woman is accomplished enough right now to override that many, many times over.
My dysphoria around being seen as male presently leads to a fear that, despite my presentation and life being as fulfilling as it currently is, I may still be rejected or segregated because of my current plumbing configuration. Anyway, fortunately my dysphoria is no longer crippling, like I say, just a low buzz in the background...
My dysphoria was almost purely mental and physical with very little social discomfort if that makes any sense. I'm not really sure what triggered it. I might go months not thinking about it much then suddenly it was there like a giant boulder on my shoulders and it would stay there for many months more.
Maybe I'm just nuts.
Sapere Aude
The part that really gives me dysphoria is seeing down below. It's always been triggering, but as time has gone along it's gotten worse. Hugs
Mariah
Quote from: Mariah on March 19, 2016, 06:10:13 PM
The part that really gives me dysphoria is seeing down below. It's always been triggering, but as time has gone along it's gotten worse. Hugs
Mariah
this ^ plus peeing, and shark week
Quote from: suzifrommd on March 19, 2016, 12:06:36 PM
Of course, a visit to a wig shop might fix this...
You are right, but I can still remember the feeling when I had my own long hair and I have to overcome that nagging feeling that a wig is still a wig and not the same as my own hair.
Quote from: Elanore joey on March 19, 2016, 01:05:40 PM
i can relate to the human part of that but for me its not dysphoria its just a general dislike for the majority of the human race :laugh: :laugh:
I can relate to this so much >:-) ;)
Quote from: Deborah on March 19, 2016, 06:10:06 PM
My dysphoria was almost purely mental and physical with very little social discomfort if that makes any sense. I'm not really sure what triggered it. I might go months not thinking about it much then suddenly it was there like a giant boulder on my shoulders and it would stay there for many months more.
Maybe I'm just nuts.
Sapere Aude
I relate to this so much, my dysphoria could stay asleep for months but then suddenly wake up and be the worse.
But i guess seeing some of my own body and facial features triggered it, Like my eyebrow bossing and my broad shoulders to narrow hips proportions but its all getting better :) getting FFS and SRS in Jan 2017. :)
Being naked and speaking in front of people I don't know. I pass a lot better now that my facial hair has come in a bit, but my voice hasn't dropped and won't drop until I start T - months from now. And things will be rolling along just fine, and then I open my mouth, and then it seems like everyone is staring at me and I'm right back where I started. It'll get better, just got to hang in there.
I'm 5'2" and i hunch because chest dysphoria. I look like a child and it really really bothers me
I have younger (cis male as far as we know) siblings that are going to look older than me in a few years - I feel like they'll be 16 and I'll be almost 30 and still look like a teenager :C
I get very dysphoric if I see my hips in a mirror, wear a low-cut shirt, or think about dating.
lately more things. Apart from "down there" I get dysphoric over my wide shoulders, huge feet and hands (not much I can do about it), insane amount of body hair + balding...
A girl about 8 dancing with joy outside Build-a-Bear. I was never that happy as a kid and suddenly realised how much life I missed out on
showering, peeing, anything involving my genitals and being naked in general.
Showering (I shower in the dark now), seeing my torso from diagonal or the side, sometimes seeing flat chests (it reminds me that mine isn't like that), moving in a way that I accidentally brush my arm against my chest, or feel my chest against some other part of me, accidentally seeing or feeling my chest when getting dressed, when I have to 'rearrange' myself in my binder, cisnormativity (particularly when discussing something that affects me, but talking about it as a 'womans thing'). And also, swimming! I love to swim, but I get so unhappy trying to get ready for it, I just don't know what to wear!
Sometimes I get dysphoric about less obvious aspects of my body, like my arms being slim and lacking any tone, or my small shoe size. And also, being non binary, seeing things that are extremely binary can cause dysphoria; toilets/changing rooms are a big one for that because neither one feels right, but also things like 'ok lets get all the guys on this side and all the girls on the other!', or even something seemingly innocent, like 'are you a boy or a girl?' at the start of the Pokemon games.
The things that trigger my dysphoria the most is having to deal with any part of the down stairs bits. I used to sleep nude all the time but now i can't stand having those things flopping around. I also used to LOVE to sing, i have all my life but as my life has progressed hearing women sing really hits me hard. Once I start to sing I just can't finish the song. I just start crying. I dont have an extremely low voice but it is difficult to sing in the upper registries like i hope to one day.
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Walking around naked, or at least without underwear is something that always makes me get disgusted at what I have between my legs. Strangely, showers don't seem to have that effect, but swimming does.
Also, anything that reminds me that I actually have a flat chest and that I wouldn't even have visible "breasts" if I didn't use a bra all the time.
I get dysphoria when family and friends talk about babies and pregnancy. Dysphoria happens again when my body responds to sexual excitement.
Quote from: Elanore joey on March 19, 2016, 11:21:31 AManother one for me is walking down the street and seeing a mens clothing shop.
so whats yours? i wonder who can come up with the funniest
Clothing shops are a bit of a trigger for me. Back when I presented male I dressed to the nines and owned dozens of suits, dozens of shirts, and hundreds of ties. I just don't have the same fashion sense (or money) when it comes to women's clothing. While I am presentable, I don't turn heads the way I used to.
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Recently peeing with my STP because I haven't mastered the art of it yet. It just feels dettached and forced, because I'm so bad at it.
My face would surely be 150% of the time. My voice as well, even if others claim that it's deep.
Quote from: Deborah on March 19, 2016, 06:10:06 PM
My dysphoria was almost purely mental and physical with very little social discomfort if that makes any sense. I'm not really sure what triggered it. I might go months not thinking about it much then suddenly it was there like a giant boulder on my shoulders and it would stay there for many months more.
It was like this for me as well, though each time it returned, it seemed to be worse than the time before. It was such an emotional rollercoaster. The fact that the dysphoria would ebb and flow like that made me seriously question whether I was truly transgender, or whether it was some form of obsession or delusion.
Lately it's not even physical. It's the number of times I have loved ones saying or asking bizarre things.
The other day I was asked "what I saw" in a photo of myself from 2008 on holiday in Austria. The pic didn't make me dysphoric, but the implication I was somehow a different person was kinda offensive. I'm not even sure what the implication was because when I asked why I was being asked the answer was "I don't know". Mourning? Well, that makes me dysphoric because the person in the picture isn't dead yet. People paying more attention to figments of their imagination or memories than real life tends to make me dysphoric, yeah...
They have some very strange ideas about me and I just don't wanna know what they are anymore.
In the shower and women's bottoms.
Claire (née Dori)
Existing....that's how bad it is right now.
I don't get it too frequently lately, but when I do, it's sort of crippling for a few hours, like makes me wonder if I should even be transitioning. Once in awhile I see a guy in the mirror and that makes me not want to leave my house. Other times I feel like my presentation and voice are perfect, then I get gendered male repeatedly.
Interesting topic.
For me I still feel dysphoria when my Oestrogen levels are down (like a few hours before my next dose is due). I take pills twice a day and I get some sort of trigger.
Two examples for me are that I go to a Swimming pool twice a week for exercise and the pool that I use is in town, so sometimes (especially during the summer and spring months) I see, thatthere are lot of gorgeous looking women out and about, especially with nice dresses, heels etc. I notice their style, colours, how they stand and look and this is when I am driving through the city, especially stopping at stop lights. I have a FWD so I sit quite high up). Mind you I get a lot of tips also from how women look (Another great way is to to a big Shopping Mall and just sit for 30 minutes observing al the women around you.). But seeing how wonderful other women look brings on bouts of dsyshoria which can easily lead to depression.
Another trigger is when I am is when I am with a group of guys who have their girlfriends or wives with them or there are women in the group and with being seen as and treated as male.
Interestingly when I am out dressed as a woman with other girlfriends I adore being treated as a woman in these social circumstances at a social level. Its is also incredibly empowering when I am with girlfriends that know, but with men that don't know that I am TG. I pass pretty well these days after 3 years HRT.
Judith
I replied here before but want to add something that happened last night. It's normal for me to experience dysphoria of varying intensity in regards to my chest, but last night I was just cooking some dinner and happened to look down (to look at the pot of pasta, not my chest!) but happened to really REALLY notice my chest (I couldn't bind yesterday). I just broke down and started sobbing, like instantly. I've never had that happen before. Usually it's more the social dysphoria that makes me actually break down. I cried really hard for like 5 minutes, like shaking and everything, then tired myself out and just went on cooking dinner.
For me, lying in bed is the worst. All I can think of is that I don't have breasts, and I can't stand what's between my legs. Nightgowns help a little, while those women's sleep boxers seem to help a lot. Seeing women with a body part or outfit or style that I really want also sets me off.
I look at my body. I see the extra fat I've put on around the belly instead of my hips. I see my chunky shoulders. I see parts of my body which scream "bloke" and I have to wear selective clothing in order to draw attention from them.
I imagine the kind of woman I'd like to be - style, mannerisms - and realise I look nothing like that (and not without considerable effort). I'm balding and without gender dysphoria, I'd be happy to keep my head shaved.
These little reminders can eat away at me.
Quote from: AnamethatstartswithE on April 08, 2016, 07:35:57 AM
For me, lying in bed is the worst. All I can think of is that I don't have breasts, and I can't stand what's between my legs. Nightgowns help a little, while those women's sleep boxers seem to help a lot. Seeing women with a body part or outfit or style that I really want also sets me off.
Sorry if this sounds stupid or if you already tried it and doesn't work, but keeping a blanket or bed sheets on you so they cover your chest area might help. I have the opposite problem, I hate what's on my chest, and when I lay down in bed I always keep something on my chest to hide it. Also, wearing large clothes helps me, but it could help you ladies too I guess, since baggy clothes can hide the parts of ourselves we don't like to see (or that we would like to see) :)
Quote from: Kimberley Beauregard on April 08, 2016, 07:56:19 AM
I look at my body. I see the extra fat I've put on around the belly instead of my hips. I see my chunky shoulders. I see parts of my body which scream "bloke" and I have to wear selective clothing in order to draw attention from them.
I imagine the kind of woman I'd like to be - style, mannerisms - and realise I look nothing like that (and not without considerable effort). I'm balding and without gender dysphoria, I'd be happy to keep my head shaved.
These little reminders can eat away at me.
Are you on HRT? Estrogen helps redistribute fat from the waist to the hips and thighs, as we know, although part of fat distribution is also genetics, and unfortunately we can't selectively choose where to lose or gain fat. But there are cis women who have fat on their bellies, who are apple shaped or rectangular, etc. Also, exercising will help lose fat. You might also try to wear those belts that make the waist look smaller.
I know dysphoria makes everything look bad, but we trans people often discourage ourselves too much and judge ourselves too harshly, so, good opinions from others might help :) from what I see in the picture, if it's you, your shoulders look fine!
Besides, some cis women have large shoulders. My cis female girlfriend has pretty wide shoulders, I guess it's because she's tall and has a large bone structure overall. My sister has wide shoulders too, so it's not so rare in cis women :) sure, it's hard to feel okay when we have a certain body type in mind and we want to get as close to that body type as possible. I have one too, and it makes me feel horrible I can't have it right now (and maybe never), I'm not even on T yet :( but the more we focus on that "perfect body" we want, the worse it gets. Besides, there's really no perfect body, and humans are pretty diverse. We tend to get influenced by the media and the images of the perfect man and woman they feed us, but it's bs :) humans are diverse, sex differences can vary a lot. I know it probably doesn't help much, I deal with horrible dysphoria, but I try to confort others :)
Regarding mannerisms sometimes the harder we try to imitate something or someone the more we fail. Look at those mannerisms, try to actually not try so hard to be like that, and later it might come naturally when you least expect it!
For me, it is most definitely body hair. The god-damned stuff comes at me day after day, and it is a relentless struggle to keep it at bay. Of course, the cruel joke is that none of it will grow on my head. If only I could do a swap. Anyway, now that I've started HRT, it will hopefully make it slow down though I know it's not going to disappear unless a miracle happens.
I'm pretty much resigned to using a wig for the rest of my life, an artefact that completely and dramatically transforms my appearance.
Quote from: Debbie on April 11, 2016, 09:49:06 PM
For me, it is most definitely body hair. The god-damned stuff comes at me day after day, and it is a relentless struggle to keep it at bay. Of course, the cruel joke is that none of it will grow on my head. If only I could do a swap. Anyway, now that I've started HRT, it will hopefully make it slow down though I know it's not going to disappear unless a miracle happens.
I'm pretty much resigned to using a wig for the rest of my life, an artefact that completely and dramatically transforms my appearance.
There is electrolysis for body hair removal too. Hair transplantation might be an option for your head, so yes, that swap exists :) I don't know much about it though, but maybe others here do.
Waxing dramatically slows hair growth down. It's painful, but it slows it down. I don't know if you do that. Do you? If you use razors or shaving creams, dump those and switch to waxing. Waxing makes body hair a bit thinner and it slows down its growth. Body hair can't disappear unless you do electrolysis.
Quote from: jossam on April 13, 2016, 05:30:23 PM
There is electrolysis for body hair removal too. Hair transplantation might be an option for your head, so yes, that swap exists :) I don't know much about it though, but maybe others here do.
Waxing dramatically slows hair growth down. It's painful, but it slows it down. I don't know if you do that. Do you? If you use razors or shaving creams, dump those and switch to waxing. Waxing makes body hair a bit thinner and it slows down its growth. Body hair can't disappear unless you do electrolysis.
Thanks for the reply and suggestions.
I have had a full body wax several times, and it is fantastic for up to two or three weeks after. But then when the hair starts to grow, I start shaving because I'm usually not prepared to allow myself to become sufficiently hairy to allow further waxing. Waxing does slow hair growth, and so do hormones.
When people on Facebook for some reason forget how to read and refer to me using my birthname instead of the name that is actually written on my profile.
This morning I found one of my NEW bras had a whole bunch of threads untangled from it by the washer and these damn things ain't cheap. I shouldn't even have to buy these things at all, and here I am watching them disintegrate in the wash... or maybe it's the fact they're being chafed by the binder. Ugh, worrying about devices invented to keep the chest-bursters in check is so not even me.
Seeing other cisgirls. I wish I could have hips like them and having a flawless voice.
Interacting with people in non-work, non-focused social settings. Really, just social settings in general where I have to interact with others beyond ordering a cup of coffee. Especially around groups of ciswomen who assume that because I don't look as male as I'd like to yet, I'm really just a tomboy and "one of them". I keep trying to remind myself that they mean well and many don't or wouldn't know I'm trans, but it still triggers the dysphoria and leaves me trying to shove myself into the corner and blend in with the shadows.
Quote from: Debbie on April 14, 2016, 08:10:54 AM
I have had a full body wax several times, and it is fantastic for up to two or three weeks after. But then when the hair starts to grow, I start shaving because I'm usually not prepared to allow myself to become sufficiently hairy to allow further waxing. Waxing does slow hair growth, and so do hormones.
Before coming out to myself and just letting the hair on my half-Mediterranean arms and legs grow back out, I used an epilator on my arms (shaved my legs). It was less messy to handle than waxing (especially since I did my waxing myself at home), and I felt like I could touch up more often than when I waxed. Like waxing, it stings until you get used to it, but might be worth a shot if you haven't tried that yet.
It makes me really sad reading all of these posts... :'( ...
I've worked at the same place for over a year now. And have been on hormones for almost 6 months.
I've been transitioning in my workplace, and the people who I told before going on hormones have been really cool about it. But unfortunately I work around a lot of people who are constantly moving and we all see each other at least a few times a day. Once I figured out why I was so depressed, I REALLY noticed how much your gender is mentioned in slang or just passing by.
The point of saying that is, there is still some people who aren't informed. Most of them are middle aged or older women, because they seem to not take it as well. One of them is hard core christian, and I fear the moment she hears about it. But my workplace doesn't tolerate intolerance, and that is one thing I am thankful for...
I HATE when I'm standing next to a woman, and someone passes by because they ALWAYS say "ladies". It's becoming a huge pet peeve and really kills my usually neutral to good mood. Pronouns are such a pain... why couldn't we all be referred to in similar words??
I work in a very physical environment. We move freight and packages with our own strength. And sometimes fellow dudes assume I'm not strong enough to move heavy things. It's cool when I get the chance to shut them up by doing it myself, but sometimes I can't display that dominance over my ability. It sounds ridiculous but it really irritates me they think I'm incapable of things because of my feminine appearance, despite having strong arms.
My body is slowly starting to change, but I've always had HUGE hips. I'm polynesian, and carry a lot of my weight in my butt and hips, and I despise it. My chest isn't as big, but sometimes it looks huge to me, and I really want to rid myself of it.
I've had a friend who has wanted me to go out and be "bros" with him so we can get to know each other better. But I can't bring myself to go out because I've too afraid I'll be misgendered by others and treated like a lady. :(
Actually you know what makes me extremely dysphoric? Not that I don't have the body of a man, or am looked at as a man at the moment.
It's the fact our species is so heavily sexually dimorphic in the first place, and that our biology has necessitated a dichotomy of roles, and from that came an escapable culture of femininity and masculinity, and finally ideologies of femininity and masculinity plague us. None of these things will ever go away because our biology will not go away; we can't really fight the problems created by it or hope to gloss over just how deeply entrenched in human life and psyche they are. All that is to be done is to fall in with it, or be sufficiently changed to fall in with it; there is no real defying it unless you want some degree of ostracism. If we were not sexually dimorphic, if we were more like seagulls where the male and female birds look identical and their roles are minimally different, there would be far more equity, far less dichotomy and dissatisfaction with that dichotomy. Human life, culture and society would be so very different.
Quote from: jossam on April 09, 2016, 07:16:53 PM
Besides, some cis women have large shoulders. My cis female girlfriend has pretty wide shoulders, I guess it's because she's tall and has a large bone structure overall. My sister has wide shoulders too, so it's not so rare in cis women :) sure, it's hard to feel okay when we have a certain body type in mind and we want to get as close to that body type as possible. I have one too, and it makes me feel horrible I can't have it right now (and maybe never), I'm not even on T yet :( but the more we focus on that "perfect body" we want, the worse it gets. Besides, there's really no perfect body, and humans are pretty diverse. We tend to get influenced by the media and the images of the perfect man and woman they feed us, but it's bs :) humans are diverse, sex differences can vary a lot. I know it probably doesn't help much, I deal with horrible dysphoria, but I try to confort others :)
It occurs to me that close relatives, if you have them, are the best guide to what you will look like after several years on HRT.
Heck, if you feel the need to imitate mannerisms, close relatives are a good place to go as well. Mannerisms can be affected by things like culture, personality (which has a large genetic component), genes (as in body shape and function--not everyone's fingers bend the same way, for example). I would leave impressions to the actors, unless you are an actor. ;D
Quote from: T.K.G.W. on April 21, 2016, 04:16:46 PM
Actually you know what makes me extremely dysphoric? Not that I don't have the body of a man, or am looked at as a man at the moment.
It's the fact our species is so heavily sexually dimorphic in the first place, and that our biology has necessitated a dichotomy of roles, and from that came an escapable culture of femininity and masculinity, and finally ideologies of femininity and masculinity plague us. None of these things will ever go away because our biology will not go away; we can't really fight the problems created by it or hope to gloss over just how deeply entrenched in human life and psyche they are. All that is to be done is to fall in with it, or be sufficiently changed to fall in with it; there is no real defying it unless you want some degree of ostracism. If we were not sexually dimorphic, if we were more like seagulls where the male and female birds look identical and their roles are minimally different, there would be far more equity, far less dichotomy and dissatisfaction with that dichotomy. Human life, culture and society would be so very different.
So, I've realized a lot of my rage comes from this place exactly. But I think it's a misdirection I created for myself (probably as a result of my parents forcing me to join Team Girl). Just getting misgendered wigs me out. I can't hate sexual dimorphism that much because I'm attracted to women's bodies. So, in the end, I am a hypocrite.
Don't get me started on that "ladies" thing. Always delivered with that soupcon of condescension. >:(
I discovered another thing that does it for me today, being in a room packed with women and realizing that I'll never be as pretty as any of them. It made me wonder if it was even worth it, but to actually be able to look myself in the mirror, I guess halfway is better than no way.
Quote from: T.K.G.W. on April 21, 2016, 04:16:46 PM
Actually you know what makes me extremely dysphoric? Not that I don't have the body of a man, or am looked at as a man at the moment.
It's the fact our species is so heavily sexually dimorphic in the first place, and that our biology has necessitated a dichotomy of roles, and from that came an escapable culture of femininity and masculinity, and finally ideologies of femininity and masculinity plague us. None of these things will ever go away because our biology will not go away; we can't really fight the problems created by it or hope to gloss over just how deeply entrenched in human life and psyche they are. All that is to be done is to fall in with it, or be sufficiently changed to fall in with it; there is no real defying it unless you want some degree of ostracism. If we were not sexually dimorphic, if we were more like seagulls where the male and female birds look identical and their roles are minimally different, there would be far more equity, far less dichotomy and dissatisfaction with that dichotomy. Human life, culture and society would be so very different.
Agree. I have spent most of the past 20 years telling myself that sex and gender shouldn't be important (self preservation since I just don't fit) to our basic humanity... to paraphrase an agendered friend (I just want us all to be humans in human bodies)... but I can't deny that the differences are entrenched and do matter to most people and also that I am not a woman in spite of my body's biological sex.
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Quote from: T.K.G.W. on April 21, 2016, 04:16:46 PM
Actually you know what makes me extremely dysphoric? Not that I don't have the body of a man, or am looked at as a man at the moment.
It's the fact our species is so heavily sexually dimorphic in the first place, and that our biology has necessitated a dichotomy of roles, and from that came an escapable culture of femininity and masculinity, and finally ideologies of femininity and masculinity plague us. None of these things will ever go away because our biology will not go away; we can't really fight the problems created by it or hope to gloss over just how deeply entrenched in human life and psyche they are. All that is to be done is to fall in with it, or be sufficiently changed to fall in with it; there is no real defying it unless you want some degree of ostracism. If we were not sexually dimorphic, if we were more like seagulls where the male and female birds look identical and their roles are minimally different, there would be far more equity, far less dichotomy and dissatisfaction with that dichotomy. Human life, culture and society would be so very different.
This has always bothered me tremendously, because even before I was able to admit to myself that I was trans, I could on some level identify and point out that my body had dropped me onto the opposite side of the dichotomy than I was wired to be on, and it affects how others respond to me. In a different reality where humans were naturally more biologically androgynous, I could see myself feeling more at peace with my body as long as I was socially recognized as male.
Quote from: AnxietyDisord3r on April 24, 2016, 06:34:26 AM
It occurs to me that close relatives, if you have them, are the best guide to what you will look like after several years on HRT.
Heck, if you feel the need to imitate mannerisms, close relatives are a good place to go as well. Mannerisms can be affected by things like culture, personality (which has a large genetic component), genes (as in body shape and function--not everyone's fingers bend the same way, for example). I would leave impressions to the actors, unless you are an actor. ;D
In some cases, even well-done impressions and imitations of close relatives might not do much good. Periodically, I notice some mannerism of my brother's and comment that at least I'm not the only guy I know who does that. He just looks at me somewhat blankly and says something along the lines of, "Trust me, I am
not a good model for you if you want to pass." I guess the best I can do right now is be myself -- which is its own feat and a bit of a new experience -- and hopefully will at least look more like him over time. :laugh:
Hearing certain words referring to female parts can be a trigger for me
Or seeing my old photographs of me wearing clothing i was forced to wear.
I realized last night, or i new but it had hit me last night referring to the female hormones bother me and is a trigger.
So i have nothing funny, but that's what my triggers are.
Lately my disphoria seems to be getting worse. Now if I just take a glance at a womans chest I feel bad that I don't have breasts and wish I breasts like hers.
My dysphoria is triggered by 2 things. Firstly, well dressed woman with their makeup all done, makes me very envious and jealous. Secondly, but probably the most significant o fthe 2 is seeing my genitals and having male arousals from down there. I described it to my therapist the other day as being so severe, it feels like i am in pain. I cant wait for SRS. Hopefully in 6 months.
Great topic. I've been trying to keep track of what the triggers are for me.
There's the obvious, seeing someone I'd like to be but cannot. (Jealousy and envy there...)
Seeing my own genitals is there. I realized that I was standing and moving when getting out of the shower to avoid getting a glimpse in the mirror.
Shaving! Having to poke at the stubble and scrape it off, in detail, making sure I missed none. Yuck. At least I know how to fix that one.
Guy talk. Socializing with men. I'm the outsider, and I know why.
Urology problems. Its the genital thing again, AND the damn thing is broken. (I have to use intermittent catheterization right now, until I can get the root-rooter treatment again to unclog things. Sure-fire recipe for dysphoria. Great excuse for more powerful androgen blockers. Doc, howzabout some spironolactone? ;) )
It's great seeing what triggers others. I'm still at the point of trying to decipher the difference between dysphoria and plain-old jealousy and envy. Hopefully my therapist can help with that, as I feel that I can't say what triggers dysphoria until I can separate it better from other non-trans-specific feelings like jealousy.
All these soft, fuzzy, emotional things are difficult for my "rational" brain to comprehend at this point so far.
What doesn't?
Lol
Quote from: AnxietyDisord3r on April 24, 2016, 06:34:26 AM
It occurs to me that close relatives, if you have them, are the best guide to what you will look like after several years on HRT.
Heck, if you feel the need to imitate mannerisms, close relatives are a good place to go as well. Mannerisms can be affected by things like culture, personality (which has a large genetic component), genes (as in body shape and function--not everyone's fingers bend the same way, for example). I would leave impressions to the actors, unless you are an actor. ;D
I've never tried to imitate or imitated mannerisms. I've never wanted to. I'm just me. Imitating someone else's mannerisms would feel extremely fake. I'm just....natural. :laugh: I can walk like a rude macho guy but then be soft spoken and gentle. I'm weird like that :laugh:
I guess I'm lucky to have a naturally masculine face (ok, not extemely masculine, but masculine enough), but the lack of facial hair at the age of 23 is killing me. Can't wait to see it grow when I start T, even though I know it takes months. I have a brother who looks a lot like me except for the male body of course, so I look at him carefully, the pattern in his facial hair, amount of body hair.....I could look at my dad too but he's old so things in him changed a bit, like how he's less hairy compared to his young years.
Well I babysit little kids, usually under eight. Many girls LOVE it when I help them with their makeup, or use me as a model. It is a huge trigger, but I deal with it cause I can't say no to those big eyes and cute little 'Pleeeeeeeeease chris' moments lol.
Now what triggers me daily is when I go shopping for dress shirts, oddly. I am a smaller guy. I rarely find inexpensive shirts that fit me nicely. The chest is an issue. I need something that fits me, but obviously mens shirts don't take breasts into account, especially if you can basically fit a kids large t-shirt.
Finally, swimming. Or the lack of it. When I used to swim, I couldn't for long periods of time. The top was too much for me to handle, then having to go into the womens locker room. Ugh. Just bothered me. So until I get top surgery I have not swam, and will not, since 2013.
for me it never really goes away, its like a low hum in the back of my mind.. for years i simply suppressed my emotions and thoughts.. and sorted of costed thru life numb (mainly unfounded religious fears caused this in me).. never really connecting with anyone (not even my kids, thats the danger of doing this).. its scary when my emotions come roaring to the surface, some times i just want huddle in a ball and cry (and do at night when i am alone.) other times i wake at 4~5am and simply cry softly for ages..
As far back as i can remember, the body hair,my height, parts of me i hate seeing, never fitting in either social circles as being the odd one..... i hate swimming without a shirt (i am pre HRT - round 2, my intro is in the intro sections to explain this) and well people in my family find it odd if i swim with a shirt..being envious of others.. when i walk down the street i love to people watch and critique what women are wearing.. notice everything from shoes to well it all.. and some need the fashion police fast lolz.. but its how i have allays been.
I can relate to so much of what others have written here...
Recently I was at a pool and a young woman got up from her chair, as she got up she reached behind and ran her thumbs along the rear inside of her swimsuit bottoms to make sure they weren't bunched up.
Major dysphoria moment seeing that simple feminine act....
To a degree I get dysphoria the whole time, because I haven't gotten used to the feeling of wearing a bra... I don't know if it's a size issue or what (it doesn't make breathing any harder) but I can always feel it there and it's basically a constant reminder of what's also there. I don't wear t shirts on their own, I need something over it to hide them to some degree, from myself and other people. 1:
The times my mum made me shave my legs and stuff to go to the pool were hellish too, the hair took ages to grow back in properly. I had to do it towards the middle of last month and I still don't think the only leg I had time to do has regrown all the hair properly yet ;-; Hearing myself talk, too, is a big trigger. Getting photos taken. Wearing tight clothes that make my body's shape more obvious. My old shoes that still kind of fit make my feet look absolutely tiny, so I wear my new white ones even to places like the beach because my old ones (they're black) trigger me a bit with my feet. I don't care much about my hair length or my height though, a lot of the members of my favourite bands have quite long hair (I'm a rock/metal fan) and a few of them are kinda small, too. Still a couple of inches taller than me at least, but I don't really care. If I can get to a clinic that'll give me blockers soon enough I might be able to get some extra height q: I also usually get air max shoes and they have really thick soles so they kind of make me look taller too, though I don't mind wearing my converse sometimes
Having to shave my face, as I haven't had any hair removal yet, and my nose.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Thinking about the amble amounts of testosterone in my body. It feels like poison. I can't wait for HRT.
Hair. My facial/body hair grows faster than most people; e.g. I had chin hair way before all of my peers. I have to shave my facial hair twice a day. My hairline is receding.
Bathing. 'Nuff said.
I could go on about this, but in hindsight, it'd be easier talking about what doesn't trigger it.
My dysphoria happens mostly now das when I'm in a large shopping center and a little kid starts staring.
Ha everything.
Sleeping, sitting or sleeping without blankets, blankets that are too form fitting (they need to be puffy or thick), moving around too quickly, exercising or showering with lights on, leaving the house without a binder, binding itself, mirrors, clothing, female pronouns, female stereotypes, female comparisons, old pictures/videos, my old job had some pretty sexist stereotypes and requirements (not clothing wise, just situational wise).
Those aren't really all that funny though. :-\
Quote from: Elanore joey on March 19, 2016, 12:06:07 PM
the shopping in the mens department when i wanted to be in the womens department
Telling the HR manager you are trans, and still working in the mens department :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Mien LYF-uh
All the time, body image and feeling I will always be a more attractive male than I could ever be female.
Right now, feeling better on HRT is only making that contrast feel worse, combined with abject fear of making the decision to pursue HRT (whichever way I ultimately decide).
Quote from: kellykh on May 04, 2016, 12:08:29 PM
It's great seeing what triggers others. I'm still at the point of trying to decipher the difference between dysphoria and plain-old jealousy and envy. Hopefully my therapist can help with that, as I feel that I can't say what triggers dysphoria until I can separate it better from other non-trans-specific feelings like jealousy.
I've talked to my therapist about this a lot and sometimes both feelings are tangled up, my dysphoria combined with my jealousy (and anger) towards others who have the kind of body I wish I had.
Quote from: SadieBlake on June 02, 2016, 09:26:35 AM
Right now, feeling better on HRT is only making that contrast feel worse, combined with abject fear of making the decision to pursue HRT (whichever way I ultimately decide).
The thing that sucks about transition is being stuck in the middle, isn't it? Those who transition in puberty don't have these problems, but for the rest of us sometimes "the devil you know" looks better than being binary, in-between, feeling scared, defensive, ugly, ambiguous, unworthy, and just stuck out there instead of presenting the way we fantasize about ourselves. (Not trying to imply NB don't have it hard in their own way, like catching crap from their own community for one thing.)
We also just don't know when we start how we'll do with the hormonal transition. You just can't tell pre hormones who is going to really look great and who is going to need some extra help.
Went to a store today, one I go to a lot. Felt pretty feminine looking. Cashier is about as cautious as anybody can be. Cards me for one of my purchases. Spends about 2-3 minutes perusing my ID then hands it back and says, "Thank you , sir." Um... 2-3 minutes of looking at my license and he never saw my name and gender on there? So then I enter in my info for their rewards card and up pops that same name on his screen and he still calls me sir. Times like that drive me totally insane and make me wonder if I'll ever truly be treated as female.
Having people call me Jasmine is like being stabbed with a small little sword that only I can sense. It may be a small sword, but it goes deep. Feminine words hurt me not only emotionally, but physically too. she, her, girl, young woman, young lady, miss, whether the hell you wanna call me. It leaves a wound each time.
People not taking me seriously when it comes my transsexuality is a big trigger of dysphoria. I may be young, but it's been there since five or six years old, and it doesn't seem to be going anytime soon.
I wish I passed so I could be called Oz and a he without it being completely weird... One day.
My body overall causes dysphoria, my hips, collar bones, boobs, private parts. My voice as well. Super squishy feminine voice breaks me into two. It's so femmine, it's cringe worthy.
Anyone want to switch?
Quote from: LatrellHK on May 07, 2016, 01:15:11 PM
Well I babysit little kids, usually under eight. Many girls LOVE it when I help them with their makeup, or use me as a model. It is a huge trigger, but I deal with it cause I can't say no to those big eyes and cute little 'Pleeeeeeeeease chris' moments lol.
Now what triggers me daily is when I go shopping for dress shirts, oddly. I am a smaller guy. I rarely find inexpensive shirts that fit me nicely. The chest is an issue. I need something that fits me, but obviously mens shirts don't take breasts into account, especially if you can basically fit a kids large t-shirt.
Finally, swimming. Or the lack of it. When I used to swim, I couldn't for long periods of time. The top was too much for me to handle, then having to go into the womens locker room. Ugh. Just bothered me. So until I get top surgery I have not swam, and will not, since 2013.
Find somewhere that has a family locker room it helps a lot for me, I love to swim so I used to just bear the womens when I had to. There is a family locker room at the YMCA I go to so no one bats an eye and there are changing stalls.
As for the shirts, are you going by collar and sleeve size or generic S, M, L exc sizes? If you use the collar and sleeve its a lot easier to find the right ones once you have the right fit and they look a lot more nicer when you where them. Find what fits then Amazon them forever! If you bind you might just be able to get one sleeve size or collar size up, my advice measure your neck and sleeve (pintrest is good on showing you how to do this) go into a store get that size and a variation of sizes and fits (stay away from slim fits until you are sure about sizing) go into the dressing room and go to town til you find the right one. Solid, vertical or checked patterns are good for hiding the top also check pintres for this there are a lot of good tips. just search FTM.
Good luck hope it helps,
Zeus
For me, seeing the rest of my family at Thanksgiving and Christmas time was hell. They would always talk about how I was such a pretty young lady and having to beat the boys off of me. I cringe at the thought of it.