I am a newbie in all respects so excuse my lack of knowledge. I have been reading posts and I have ascertained that if I go into the larger commonly known department store and start shopping in the ladies department as a male for panties or bras I won't draw a lot of attention or be reproached and asked to leave and publicly embarrassed and chastised... most of the time that is? (Run on sentence :icon_writers_block:). I know there are no real guarantees in life and nothing applies all the time in every situation.
Thanks,
Most of the time, all they care about is that the color of your money is green. People tend to have better luck asking young women for assistance but men will sometimes make purchases for their wives. If you think about it, women often buy things for their husbands and children because the wife is the only one with the time to do the shopping so most of the time, it isn't a big deal.
I work in a general department store that Has everything from groceries to a nail salon and I do see men from time to time buy women's clothes and children's clothes too and my first thought isn't that they are a cross dresser, transperson, etc but they they are buying them for someone else. I generally assume the same thing about men coming in buying pads and tampons even if that isn't always the case.
So even if you need help from the staff and you don't want to ourself just create a fictional "wife" who is sick right now who, you are shopping for with the same proportions as you have. No need to get nervous or out yourself if you don't want to.
I shopped in 'female' stores pre transition and only ever had one instance of concern when a shop assistant insulted me. I complained to management, she was fired and the store gave me the item, a raincoat, as an apology for the abuse I suffered.
To be honest as others have said, men shop for their wives, girlfriends, daughters, themselves and people don't really care. I got my first bra fitting just after I started HRT and the girls where just appearing, the woman who helped me was wonderful and caring.
In the large department store in the city I used to live in, I would see women in the men's section buying for husbands/boyfriends and occasionally a man in the ladies section buying stuff for his girlfriend or wife. I don't think anyone really cares that much these days. It's not really a gendered space, it's not like only men or women are allowed to wander into their own sections (I saw people wandering about lost in both sections all the time, like it was Ikea lol) and I think if you just do what you're doing with confidence less people will notice you.
It's amazing how little a department store clerk cares about who buys what. No, really!
I often go shopping in the big box and department stores (Costco, Target, Kohls), rolling my cart up and down the aisles. Absolutely nobody seems to care if I wander through the women's section and put a few items from there in my cart. On a recent Costco trip, I bought grapefruit, bananas, tofu, yogurt, coffee, Gloria Vanderbilt jeans, a box of three Flexee briefs, Calvin Klein tank-style undershirts, almonds, Metamucil, and microwaveable brown rice. Off to the checkout stand, and out in about a minute.
It's just that easy.
Cosmetics can be even more fun. Just bring lots of cash... I wandered into an Ulta in guy mode, looking like the proverbial deer in the headlights. The cashier asked me if I needed help, I said yes, and one of the salespeople took me in tow and asked what I was looking for. "Pore reducing primer and foundation, please" "Is this for...?" "I'd say it was for my sister, but we both know better. ;) " "Oh, we get lots of men here. Let's see what your color is." Boom, I'm in the chair, testers out, and we find a good match. I'll have to go back sometime (after I get the beard zapped and HRT rolling) for the full makeover.
Similar story here. When I came out to whom over time become my best friend, her support gave me such a boost that the next day I went to buy some girly clothing. In the small lingerie shop I just asked for a 85B (european size), she offered an awful bleach-yellow one and I said "hey, I have to like it too :P, what about that one?" and that was all. Ok, I pretended it wasn't for me, but with my totally guy appearance, it would make zero sense.
Small shoes shop, "I'm looking for blah blah [some high heeled ones] —We have these —Hmm, no one attracts my atten... wait a minute, I like those red ones!". Pretending they weren't for me I couldn't try them and later at home I saw that they were one size too large, phone call, "what time do you close?" and that same day I picked up my size.
Tights, moisturizer creams, pore strips... zero issues and zero comments.
Yeah, when I bought the wig, that was a different story indeed :)
Thank you ladies so much for sharing your experiences with me. They give me courage to step a bit closer to the looking glass. I have always thought they would figure me for some kind of perv or something. One of the reasons I have never explored these feeling or this side of myself.
hugz
Josefa
Quote from: Michelle_P on April 15, 2016, 02:29:14 PM
The cashier asked me if I needed help, I said yes, and one of the salespeople took me in tow and asked what I was looking for. "Pore reducing primer and foundation, please" "Is this for...?"
Haha!!
This was me a few days ago. Went into a cosmetics store dressed in guy mode to change the colour of my concealer (don't really need to conceal facial hair any more).
"Is it for yourself sir?"
"Yep"
"Wanna try it on?"
"Yep."
"Hmm.. You need one shade darker actually."
"Yep."
"I'll have get it ordered in for you sir."
"Great, thanks."
"D'you wanna leave that on?"
"Not by itself"
"No, probably not. Do you want me to put some foundation and eye makeup on for you for no charge?"
"Maybe not today."
"No problem!"
[ removes concealer ]
As others have said, it's all about confidence. If you look like you belong, people will believe you do belong. I used to be terrified about being caught buying nail polish remover in the supermarket. Now I find myself complaining to the store manager when they don't have the acetone free version, because I don't like to put such heavy chemicals on my delicate nails. I also find myself talking openly with strangers on the train about being trans. Most people are tolerant, if not a little curious..
The converse is that I try to balance being confident and open about being trans with remaining safe. That's requires thinking about when and where I will be open and
honest. In my view though, there are certainly not many shops you can't be yourself in.
So go nuts. Try everything on! See what you like! And, as Cindy intimated, demand professional respect from staff.
(If that's a bit much at this early stage, then as others have said, remember that there are lots of guys in the women's section for all kinds of reasons)
Happy Shopping !!
just be careful not to out "yourself" by offering the 'wife" story. It would be for only if it comes up in a conversation, or you are outright asked who it is for.
I can recall a time buying (eyeliner, I believe) that I actually carried a piece of paper..a shopping list ..as if someone else had written down exactly what they me to get.
The only time I was asked, was a time I bought nail polish along with some groceries. The checkout girl pulled it out of the cart and asked it that was for me. But I grinned realizing she wasn't asking if it was for me...she was just making sure it wasn't something that fell into my cart accidentally ;D
Hi,
Went shopping today as a cis male in ladies dept. at Target and WalMart and all went well. I was nervous but don't think I turned too many heads. Was asked if I needed any help at WalMart employee showed me where the skirts were. Tried a size 20 but was a little tight they didn't have a 22 or 24. Guess I'll be checking out on of the ladies plus stores. Have to start exercising again. Anyway it was a little stressful and a lot different but all in all fun. I haven't learned the different sizes yet. Wish I had a girl friend to go with. Will try again another day.
Need to ask one more time. Do or did many of you cis males or cis males who have now transitioned, shop in ladies department stores for clothes and undergarments as cis males and what were your experiences. Were you uncomfortable shopping as a cis male for ladies clothes for yourself? Am I being siily? :icon_redface:. Asking this seems about as awkward as actually shopping.
Thanks
Josefa
I was waiting for that one and I have a site for you. I use it because some sizes are hard to find but I started using to buy hose.
http://www.hanes.com/hanes
heehee
Thank you, :icon_wave:
Dena
Take out your mobile phone and pretend that you're buying something for your "wife" and are currently taking instructions from her on the other end of the phone. I occasionally use this technique when buying cosmetics and clothes. I use it less often now, and try not to worry about what others might think.
Debbie,
Thanks, I sort of did that today when I was convert cis-m size to women's size. Played like I was texting.
Josefa
Quote from: Josefa on April 17, 2016, 11:44:58 PM
Hi,
Went shopping today as a cis male in ladies dept. at Target and WalMart and all went well. I was nervous but don't think I turned too many heads. Was asked if I needed any help at WalMart employee showed me where the skirts were. Tried a size 20 but was a little tight they didn't have a 22 or 24. Guess I'll be checking out on of the ladies plus stores. Have to start exercising again. Anyway it was a little stressful and a lot different but all in all fun. I haven't learned the different sizes yet. Wish I had a girl friend to go with. Will try again another day.
Need to ask one more time. Do or did many of you cis males or cis males who have now transitioned, shop in ladies department stores for clothes and undergarments as cis males and what were your experiences. Were you uncomfortable shopping as a cis male for ladies clothes for yourself? Am I being siily? :icon_redface:. Asking this seems about as awkward as actually shopping.
Thanks
Josefa
Well I'm not sure if there are many cismales on the forum! Most of us fit under the trans umbrella!
Cindy,
Hi,
Yes, I have gathered that for the most part, but I thought there may be some other newbies or relatively so who haven't transitioned yet or some whom have, willing to share their experiences in starting to buy for themselves. Just to help me become more knowledgeable and so I will stop pestering you ladies to death about this issue, who shopped with you or for you in the beginning? I guess I thought most were some fashion or degree cis male in the beginning. I know this is probably becoming tiresome answering my silly posts, for that I apologize.
Please don't take this as confrontational I am not being so. I just have more questions than answers.
Thanks so much.
Josefa
Thinking about this more maybe I am using the noun, cis male incorrectly. Maybe I should have said people who up to now or in the not to distant past dressed mainly as a male person because of internal questions or work or other socioeconomics reasons are now starting to shop for women's clothes.
Thanks so much,
Josefa
Quote from: Josefa on April 18, 2016, 11:29:37 AM
Thinking about this more maybe I am using the noun, cis male incorrectly. Maybe I should have said people who up to now or in the not to distant past dressed mainly as a male person because of internal questions or work or other social or economic reasons are now starting to shop for women's clothes.
Oh, got it. Yes, I've been doing this for a while, presenting male and picking up women's clothes. I'm sort of 'playing on the Easy setting', though, as I have a fairly small frame, and know my sizes. That lets me go shopping in most department stores without helpful clerks I can confuse. ;) That is, the stores I frequent are self-serve (Costco, Target, Kohls, etc), and I just roll a cart up to the checkout stand with whatever I'm getting. Some of these stores around me have fairly large plus-size woman's departments, and might do well for you once you have your sizes down.
Sizing gets a little tricky as we often have broader shoulders and narrower hips than ciswomen. I find that I generally need a 10 Regular on pants, which would usually imply a medium-sized top, but need a large top to handle my big bones. From there I had to learn the little size quirks of different brands. One easy way to try a large range out without going totally broke is to hit a thrift shop. I went into a Goodwill store presenting male, walked over to the women's blouses, and picked half a dozen that looked about right on the shoulder seams, a mix of mediums, larges (and Chico's 2 and 3s. Thanks a bunch for rolling your own standard. ::) ). Again, the clerk just didn't care. A sale is a sale. Anyway, I found, for example, that a Ralph Lauren Denim medium is a little looser on me than a Banana Republic fitted large. What didn't fit eventually got re-donated.
Michelle
Thank you for you input and ideas. I'll have to get over it, and just do it.
hugz,
Josefa
If you have a cis female friend who is willing to go shopping with you a few times, thats always a plus! They are more up on the right clothes, undies, and makeup. Or at least enough to get you started. One thats close to your build is a plus too! I bought tons of stuff online, that i will never wear, because its wrong size or just ugly in person:( my wife was such a big help:) that is until she started extorting money from me:) now im out full time, no more male, so its much easier..
Just one thing.. dont get long nails until you are ready, or more like want a new challenge in life!
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Cynobyte,
Yes it would be helpful, I have known two MtFs but they moved to a more tolerant area to live. I have been thinking who I might ask (CisF) to help me shop but haven't thought of anyone yet. I haven't came out to my wife yet so I have been doing my shopping on the down-low.
Thanks for your help.
Josefa
When I get anxious, I ask for a gift receipt. Makes me feel better. I don't say I'm buying for anyone since if were actually doing that, I wouldn't mention it.
Claire (née Dori)
If nervous you can wear a cheap wedding band then people will usually assume it's for your wife if they give you the once over. Can also use mobile phone to have item onscreen to ask for help if you want to play the lost soul card. Most people do just seem to want to help but at first you do feel like there's a giant neon pink sign flashing over your head.
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Oh forgot to add for sizes check online reviews for some cheap items that are true to size then you can get delivered to store. They usually just get handed over in a big nonclear bag making them safe to collect. Cinderella test items at home. Can return or exchange if they don't fit or worst case scenario bin them.
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Jerrica,
Good ideas I'll try that, thanks.
Josefa
Happy to help. I am a bit of a cliché in some ways as I do love to shop but who doesn't. Can take a while to get used to shopping but it does get easier and as you relax you will be less likely to draw unwanted attention. Confidence is easy to talk about but difficult to develop. Have fun ☺
Jerrica,
How is your HRT going? What changes are you experiencing, good and not so good? What about HRT has made you the happiest? Can you tell us about your physical changes, what is changing the most?
What is the social climate in Scotland as far as you transitioning? Are you excepted publically? Do you get many people hassling or confronting you while your out in public? Do you have other girlfriends transitioning who can support you and you them?
Can you share your experiences.
HugZ
Josefa
I'd say HRT is going amazingly well. Chemically I won't know until next week as I'm getting my 3 month blood work done on Thursday but I can feel it working.
Good is a long list. My senses appear to have increased dramatically like the dimmer on reality has just been cranked up to max everything is real I can see, hear, feel, smell and taste everything now and it truly amazing. My animal T impulses are gone, my mind is clear, my emotions have been fully restored, I can laugh so much it hurts, I can cry in happiness and in short I feel both real and alive.
The bad is a very short but important list. With my emotional restoration came guilt and more crucially to me remorse. So many things I've done over the years such as being snappy to those that don't deserve it and all the opportunities missed in my life when I wasn't really there. It's a lot to process but my wife & eldest understand and seeing my honest pain actually makes them feel better about the bad times which I am glad of as we can heal together. Oh almost forgot when I'm tired or hungry I can get a bit whiny instead of "RAWR CRUSH KILL DESTROY!!!" which should probably be in my good section tbh but whinyness couldn't really be classes as a virtue - lol
On rarer occasions I can even be a little bit bitchy but fortunately not for long.
Physically skin and face changing for sure hard to call changes as they happen but every day I'm more me when I look in the mirror. Breasts kinda surprised me I mean I knew they could happen but figured it would have been years if ever. I was that concerned with saving my mind I hadn't really given too much thought to breasts. However I totally love them and they really make me feel even more me. They are small but I'm just so happy to have them even if they don't get any bigger I'll still love them because they are mine.
Socially I've not had any negative experiences at all yet. At 182 cm tall I do draw the eye but I have always been attracted to tall girls so I'm fine with my height. I am usually dressed quite plainly in very skinny jeans, red converse hi-tops (regarded as girly here), comfort bra/crop top and a tight but not too tight tshirt. My scent is Charlie Pink for perfume and body spray which is smells as gorgeously pink as it sounds. I accessorize everywhere in pink including work just because I seriously love pink. I don't use make up at all but do keep my relatively short hair (no cuts in over 8 months, just enough for the tiniest of ponytails) dyed, eyebrows threaded & tinted, lashes tinted same for work but with a loose long sleeved zip top to blur my lines a little and because I've always dressed similarly for work for over 10 years except now all my clothes are female and form fitting. Oh and I keep my body shaved, full body laser in progress. My body shape and movements I would say are a lot more feminine leading to almost constant double takes which I'm fine with. Even spotted a few going so far as the package check (I tuck so no luck there people, sorry) so I'm taking that as a good sign. If I get a look from a kid I just smile and they usually smile back. If very small I'll also wave.
In the mirror my face now reads more as FTM than MTF (if that makes sense) and growing closer to simply F every day
My voice, adams pineapple and kids calling me Dad (which i love and will always be Dad) are my 3 remaining tells.
Find out about speech therapy when in for my bloods next week.
Trach is proving difficult to source privately but will ask Doc when I'm in.
Dad they can call me forever but if they want to call me Jerri or even full on Jerrica I'm fine with that too as long as they are happy.
Everyone can see I've made massive changes since Jan'15 but if ever asked I'll be telling them straight that I am a female.
If pressed I will clarify transgender for their benefit but to my mind I am simply female.
I'll not lie about myself unless I believe my life is in danger in which case I'll tell people anything they want to hear.
That said I have had no confrontations or badness which i hope will continue.
No other trans friends though have had offers to connect with friends of friends (technically my only friend and laser guy but I'd consider him a friend as he's totally awesome) but personally I feel I know who and what I am which is my strength rather than my weakness. I do appreciate their offers though as it's sweet and their way of showing they care and want to help.
As for people they can guess me any way they like as long as they are nice to me.
Glasgow has been good to me as have other areas I been to through work and holidays.
I truly love being me and strange as it may sound EVERYONE is nicer to me I'd even go so far as to say they might even like me. Complete strangers smile and talk happily with me everywhere particularly other women.
My friend of 18+ years says it almost seems too easy for me to go from what I was before to now and I'd have to agree but after being mostly dead for 30 years I think I deserve some good luck :-)
Jerrica,
A W E S O M E ! That is so wonderful. I am sooo happy for you.
You're an inspiration to me and I am sure others!
May I put you on my buddies list?
Post more!
Thanks,
Josefa
By all means I don't know much but it turns out I do enjoy talking as you've probably noticed.
That would probably have meant more if I'd mentioned I really didn't like people or talking at all before I woke up.
Even I still surprise me at times ☺
A similar thing can happen even in pharmacy.
When I showed up my prescription for some medicine in a pharmacy near my house, the cashier said like "this is for your father, isn't it?" My name/sex/age is clearly printed in the prescription. I just nodded, and firstly realized that family members or others can purchase medicine for a patient in my country.
barbie~~
Hi all. This has been such an ingesting thread! I have shopped a bit in the women's section at Walmart, and thrift stores with some trepidation but I started to feel more comfortable by the third time or so. I still have not tried to take something to the fitting room to try on yet though. That will have to be a hurdle I will jump over later. I got a card for a makeover session at a local wig shop while I was at the gender identity support group recently and hope to do that soon. I am hoping by doing that, one I can get a wig since I have male pattern balding but am trying rogain to correct it(only been about a month so no results yet) as well as getting makeup advise. I am told it is also really fun to have them fix you all up and the instant transition is amazing I am told. Anyway, thanks for the many ideas. Have fun shopping!
Jenny
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Have no problems shopping but always roll the dice instead of trying things on as I'm an easy enough read (for now).
Do totally love being worked on. Just so nice to lie back and relax while someone else takes care of you. It has got to be one of the best feelings ever.
Makeover sounds amazing and definitely on my "some day" list.
Take your time and enjoy every second of your makeover.
I had my first make over at a Napoleon Perdis site. The girls were lovely and I looked a million.
I think I spent about the same afterwards ::)
Not to mention the dress I bought next door because I was feeling so lovely, oh and the handbag that went with it and the shoes and the cocktail party we went to and ....
Oh what a slippery slope :laugh:
Now that is how to do it in style :)
Always love your posts. Sounds like you have certainly had some truly amazing experiences and it's nice to imagine living parts of your life.
Quote from: Jerrica on April 29, 2016, 03:10:01 AM
Now that is how to do it in style :)
Always love your posts. Sounds like you have certainly had some truly amazing experiences and it's nice to imagine living parts of your life.
Thank you Hon!
Post transition life has been wonderful, pretansition you don't want to hear!
But once we start on our real lives we can small the roses and live life to the full. It is wonderful.
Just don't ask about, firemen, policemen, etc etc :embarrassed: :laugh:
I see you are in Glasgow, I'm in the UK in Manchester in June, who knows we may be able to catch up!
Sounds like you have certainly taken your share of the bad but making up for it now indeed.
Would be more than happy for our paths to cross some day.
I'm getting pretty good at shopping at Walmart now. Bought makeup, some clothes, a purse, panty hose, panties. I don't even hesitate anymore. Also, the other night, I was shopping at about 9pm. All of the self checkout stands were closed so I had to go through the normal line. I survived. I think the lady was looking at me strange but I didn't really care.
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Quote from: Jenny0713 on May 06, 2016, 02:57:38 PM
I'm getting pretty good at shopping at Walmart now. Bought makeup, some clothes, a purse, panty hose, panties. I don't even hesitate anymore. Also, the other night, I was shopping at about 9pm. All of the self checkout stands were closed so I had to go through the normal line. I survived. I think the lady was looking at me strange but I didn't really care.
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I have been getting used to shopping also. I guess people really don't care or they have been trained during a new employee orientation not to make a scene.
Took some clothes back the other day and guy at return desk asked why I was returning the skirt and I said because it didn't fit, he held it up looked at the skirt and then at me and said ok did I want to exchange it or put money back on credit card? I said I'd like to exchange it and he said ok bring it back to me and he'd do an exchange then. When I came back but he wasn't there but a lady knew what was going on and checked me out no question asked.
Cya,
Josefa
Glad to hear you are getting more confident shopping.
Now it gets more dangerous as shopping is just too much fun but expensive.
Happy shopping :)
I bought a dress recently. The cashier, maybe mid 50's, female, said "I think this will look great on you". Now, I'm not sure she wasn't joking, but I said thank you, I think so too. Paid for it and left. No problem. But a few months ago? I would have died right there.
Good job! See? It's not that hard. Of course, self checkout lanes are nice too.
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I would say my love of shopping for my female needs overcomes any fears I had.
Because I certainly had fears, but now that I have done it many, many times I don't feel any of that. I shop at all and any stores I want to. Nordstrom, Macy's, Sephora, Ulta are all fun places to shop and accommodating. Let me share a couple of experiences. While at Nordstrom in the woman's hosiery department the sales woman came over, offered to help and I could sense from her questions she knew I was shopping for myself. I really felt treated as a woman would in the same situation. At Ulta, a big cosmetics store, I wanted foundation and went to the Clinique counter. Since I am comfortable shopping as a man for women's things I just told her it was for me and she had me sit down and explained about different foundations and applied one to my face to make sure it was a good match. I now have gone back to her several times as she has gotten to know me and always treats me wonderfully.
I also love small women's boutiques and have found some very helpful women there too.
The bottom line....a sale is a sale and I don't think many sales people really care if you are in male mode and shopping for your personal feminine needs.
One note though, I still don't feel comfortable with male sales people. I almost always make sure a female helps me.
It's even more fun to shop in female mode! Some girls and I went shopping last weekend and had a blast. We also went to Alta and some small boutiques and had wonderful experiences. Not sure if you are out in public, but I hope you can soon if you are not. We also shopped at Ross and Old Navy. The advantage to being in female mode was that we were able to try on stuff in the ladies fitting rooms where we belonged. It was actually my first experience that day in the women's restroom and fitting rooms. It was a piece of cake. The women in there didn't pay attention to us what so ever. It just felt natural. Good luck but beware, your pocket book might get empty real soon! :)
Jenny
Large stores are a great place to start - they care about two things:
1)Do you have money in your wallet/purse?
2)Does your Visa card work?
That's it. Plod round, pick a few bits up, job done. For the truly nervous, use somewhere like a big supermarket. Self check out lanes = winning.
I definitely commend you all for being able to do so. I still can't :/ Earlier today, I was at Wal-Mart to get myself some new underwear. Since I'm still in a phase where I'm questioning myself, I thought to myself "well, maybe I can get around to buying some panties and see how they feel" NOPE! Couldn't bring myself to do it! x__X I think I'm just going to eventually order some on-line and pick up at the store or something. Plus I would have no idea what size to get, so I couldn't really do a walk-by and snag some like hawk lol I'm fairly big.. 215lbs with waist around 36ish.
Might I suggest you look at http://www.hanes.com as they even have sizing charts. I still order from them as they sell stuff in bulk and I can get odd size bras that are a little difficult to find in the stores.
When I first started shopping for my lady's clothing, I had been married for many years and had three daughters. I just picked up the panties and bras like I was buying for them and then bought something else like some groceries for me. I have no problems now since I have gone full-time years ago. I have have had a number of medical problems lately and haven't changed my male identity on my driver's licence or my insurance cards. I just tell them I am a transsexual lady and I have been told that they couldn't tell. It's gotten easier to pass since I have become a toothless, balding grey haired little old lady with an elementary school teacher's mannerisms.
Quote from: Dena on September 22, 2016, 06:46:55 PM
Might I suggest you look at http://www.hanes.com as they even have sizing charts. I still order from them as they sell stuff in bulk and I can get odd size bras that are a little difficult to find in the stores.
Thank you! That sizing chart definitely will come in handy! :D
I love reading these stories as buying female clothing is a key part of our right of passage.
As many others have said, the majority of stores are only interested in your money and don't care about who you are or who you are buying for.
What made me laugh, though, is the 'back stories' we dream up in case we are challenged and I can only wonder what goes through the sales assistant's mind as she yet again hears 'I'm buying for a girlfriend/wife - she's about my size'!
At the end of the day, you really don't need a back story - if it's just a case of picking stuff of the rails and taking it to pay, it's completely plausible that your wife has asked you to pay for the things while she goes elsewhere and I'm sure this happens all the time.
For those nervous about taking their first steps, I would suggest the following:
1. Before you start, tell yourself over and over again that what you are doing is completely normal until you believe it. There are many scenarios where males buying/paying for female items are perfectly normal and, therefore, you do not need to justify to anyone else what you are doing.
2. Start with the bigger stores where you can browse without being conspicuous
3. Try to figure out what female size you are before you go. The stores' websites will help you here and asking for a garment in a specific size avoids all of the 'she's about the same size as me' conversations.
4. For things like underwear and shoes (and other items as well if you feel uncomfortable asking specifically for them), go to the stores' websites and print off the pages showing the items you want. Then hand write the size you want on the sheet so that when you visit the store, you can just hand the sheet over and ask whether they have the item.
5. Cosmetics can usually be bought from supermarkets etc. that have self-checkout terminals. Equally, I have not had any difficulties choosing items and taking them to the 'manned' tills.
6. If you're asked, tell the truth! We live in the 21st century where knowledge and tolerance of TG issues is on the rise. I also sense that the majority of female sales assistants would be sympathetic and you may well find that they offer far more help and advice than they would for a run of the mill sale.
Happy shopping!
Amanda
Welll this thread has been a wonderful confidence builder.
I have done the snag aas you pass with some panties and thankfully they are ok size wise :) I have also bought some nail polish and remover and deoderant and wax and bits and pieces like that.
I do have the sense of the bright light flashing above my head, but after this thread I aim to act more confident.
Sometimes it takes time to build the confidence. Part of the realization that helped me is that people just don't care and their not looking at you. Truly- Google phrases like " saw a guy shopping for women's...etc. " There is very little out there.
Fairly early on I lost the nervousness and now i am all smily to the sales assistants and 90% of the time they are nice to me.
Shopping for me has become a very enjoyable event. I have done most of my shopping in gal mode but some things were required to be able to do that. My first purchase was a wig that I picked up at a transgender friendly shop, I was nervous, the owners made me feel right at home. My wife fitted me with some of her clothes when we went shoe shopping. This was to be my first time out, and actually only my second time dressed. Scared to death we entered a Payless to find big shoes. The clerk read me right off but made sure that I was comfortable and helped me find some 12 side wedge sandals that fit well. Wow, I go back to that shop all the time because of her. I have found that you get what you give. Find some friendly shops that have your sizes and styles, get to know the staff and enjoy developing relationships. If you approach it with joyful expectations and confidence you will virtually always get positive responses.
I guess what I am saying is that it will always be scary at first but as soon as you can talk yourself into shopping dressed, it will become easier and easier........and addictive and expensive. Enjoy!
Anne
Anne,
your wife sounds so supportive. That must be a huge help.
My wife is supportive but in shock mode....
Quote from: Josefa on April 15, 2016, 12:45:08 AM
I am a newbie in all respects so excuse my lack of knowledge. I have been reading posts and I have ascertained that if I go into the larger commonly known department store and start shopping in the ladies department as a male for panties or bras I won't draw a lot of attention or be reproached and asked to leave and publicly embarrassed and chastised... most of the time that is? (Run on sentence :icon_writers_block:). I know there are no real guarantees in life and nothing applies all the time in every situation.
Thanks,
I used to go around from Drug Store to Drug Store hoping no one would notice me. I finally realized I'll probably will never see this person again. So It was not uncommon to get some mascara and lipstick and a box of Kotex for my little honey who was busy getting dressed and sent me to the store.
Rickkie,
My wife is one in a million. She started me on this path and has both encouraged me and walked with me all along the way. That first time out, she pulled together an outfit, fixed my makeup and literally pushed me out the door for our first shopping trip. It can't get any better than that. (Other than we share much of the same wardrobe and she has really helped me polish my Boho look). Sorry if I have made the rest of you too jealous.
Anne
I used to say, "It's for my wife," but I could tell the sales people knew I was lying. I think it made them not feel respect for me, took away some of their desire to help me any more than the bare minimum customer service standards require. I don't like to lie and it took a lot of the fun out of shopping.
I have found that when I tell the truth, they are more than happy to be helpful and friendly. I love shopping!
I am not out to friends and family yet, but all the sales people around town know me and know I wear women's clothing regularly.
Anne,
Yep sounds like she sure is 1 in a million. I have a wonderful one too and I can see her being like that too in time, but for now she is still in a bit of a shock zone.
Tina, I think that is so true about the respect thing with the salespeople. If they know you are lying they it makes sense they will have a different attitude than if they feel you are honest...
Still working on getting my first out fit in haven't even been in many lady's stores. I am so old school where he sits outside and waits.
I went in a few to shop for myself and got so flustered. Always feel like everyone is watching me.
I too went from a mental list of excuses and shear terror, to just last week confirming a lovely ladies jumper was for me when the store assistant casually asked. The fear seems so real at the start, but now I look back and find it hard to believe why I was ever afraid.
I went to a large department store to look for wigs. Turns out I was misinformed - they didn't have any. So, with an hour to kill, I looked at shoes instead.
I decided I was practicing to go full-time (even though I was in boy mode at the time), so no BS. I told the sales lady that I was looking for women's shoes, and that they were for myself. She didn't bat an eye. She was very helpful, finding the only pair of anything in the back room that had a chance of being in my size. Lordy, they fit! But definitely not the style I was looking for.
It was a very successful interaction. I found out my size in women's shoes, and I was able to be straight-up and honest with the sales person, who, in turn was totally helpful. High fives all around.
I will have to go a bigger center and get out of this town. I run into to many people I know and know my wife for the time being.
Quote from: meganjames2 on October 02, 2016, 05:44:09 PM
I too went from a mental list of excuses and shear terror, to just last week confirming a lovely ladies jumper was for me when the store assistant casually asked. The fear seems so real at the start, but now I look back and find it hard to believe why I was ever afraid.
Yes. People tend to be afraid of anything unknown by instinct. Experience and knowledge will take the fear away. Honesty is a valuable measure.
barbie~~
It does get easier over time. I do remember on some of my earlier shopping trips, I waited to make sure the department is as empty as possible before going in and I pretty much grabbed a few things and run to the checkout. More recently I took to heart what has been said here: They are only interested in a sale and I am getting a whole lot better about trying the things I buy before walking out of the store which has cut down on the number of non-fitting outfits.
Still got some odd looks at my nicely painted toenails while shoe shopping at Nordstrom Rack last week... but they had so cute shoes. Speaking off: They had women shoes up to size 13 and a really nice selection in my size 11.
I am Sarah and I am a shoe addict ;D
I will throw just a minor twist on this conversation. Yes, I do clearly remember the scary fear mixed so well with excitement shopping in drab mode, especially the first few times. And I still am a bit uncomfortable shopping in that mode. The same fears/excitement went into the first few times shopping in Anne mode, actually the first time was terrifying but that is another story! After that first time or two, wow!, I was an addict. Yes Sarah, I can relate, but for me it is tops and skirts at Maurice's or Christopher Banks. Everyone out there knows what they can or can't do, but if you are willing for a bit of discomfort, find a girlfriend and take the plunge. The only thing that you have to lose is the need for more closet space and an overworked budget. Yes, this is a gross overstatement but you have to give an old lady on hormones a little slack. Go out and enjoy this magic life that we are being allowed to live in.
Anne
My wife and I were in town today, so we checked out several second-hand clothing stores. I am getting used to taking a skirt into a fitting room while in boy mode, but I had a new experience today.
In one store, there was only a single fitting room. Another customer had taken some merchandise into it, apparently intending to try it on. But then, instead of doing so, she continued to browse the racks, effectively hogging the fitting room. I wanted to try on a couple of skirts, so I asked her if she was still using the fitting room. She said she was, but that I could go ahead and use it in the meantime. Which I did.
We tend to worry so much, for no reason. Here I was, presenting male, in a women's clothing store, with a couple of skirts over my arm, intending to try them on, interacting with a female customer. I just acted as though this was the most normal thing in the world, and nobody gave a rat's ***.
Quote from: sarah1972 on October 03, 2016, 11:37:48 AM
It does get easier over time. I do remember on some of my earlier shopping trips, I waited to make sure the department is as empty as possible before going in and I pretty much grabbed a few things and run to the checkout. More recently I took to heart what has been said here: They are only interested in a sale and I am getting a whole lot better about trying the things I buy before walking out of the store which has cut down on the number of non-fitting outfits.
Still got some odd looks at my nicely painted toenails while shoe shopping at Nordstrom Rack last week... but they had so cute shoes. Speaking off: They had women shoes up to size 13 and a really nice selection in my size 11.
I am Sarah and I am a shoe addict ;D
<All in unison> Hi Sarah! :laugh:
KathyLauren makes a key point.
The key to all this is to finally develop the frame of mind that what you are doing is unremarkable, entirely normal, nothing out of the ordinary. If you shop with this sensibility about you, salespeople and other customers will treat you, for the most part, like a welcome customer and do so with respect and dignity. If you go into the store with the demeanor of a criminal on the lam, you will attract unwanted attention and appear as though you are actually out of place or even potentially an odd ball or up to no good.
The big box stores are low stress as nobody is really paying attention or really cares as long as you are not stealing, harassing other customers or planning an antisocial act such as arson. Don't try to pull off one of the typical facade acts such as "I am buying this for my wife" or the shopping list strategy, "I'm looking for this mascara [brand and type/color written on the written on the list], can you help me?" The stress signals will be evident in your behavior and voice, you will look like a fool, you will not get away with it. If, on the other hand, you muster the courage and go into the encounter as yourself buying for yourself, paradoxically your stress levels will be much lower since you are not presenting a deception hoping to have it be believable, which it will almost certainly will not be.
As has been said many times, nearly every store and employed salesperson in the current mainstream retail world exists to serve customers and sell merchandise for the purpose of remaining in business and generating revenue and ultimately profit. Salespeople want to make... sales, not harass you. Save for a rare loony fringe individual that slipped past the HR sanity scrutiny, an employee who will be promptly fired if creates a hostile atmosphere for you or insults you, you have nothing to fear from the sales staff.
I recently went into a major upscale mall department store to buy a short satin chemise nightgown. Size XXL for me dressed in guy mode. I was in the store on a weekday at the end of the workday on my way home and the store was pretty busy with lots of shoppers. I strode directly into the women's department to the intimates section and shopped. This was a first for me and I had a slight bit of anxiety about it but was overall pretty comfortable with the idea. There were several cis women in the immediate area where I was shopping. Occasional pleasant smiles of acknowledgment were exchanged but no piercing looks or creepy feeling from them. I shopped for about a half an hour, took my 2 selections to the register to pay, the entire transaction really pleasant and fun.
If you know all your sizes, there are a multitude of opportunities to shop online and in the world's biggest marketplace, Ebay. With these, there is no need to overcome fear, just turn on you computer and shop with credit card or PayPal account ready to go.
Still, shopping in physical bricks and mortar stores is fun and the sales people are generally pleasant. The biggest issue for many of us is the "outing" risk. Having not come out to my wife, family or friends yet I would have been mortified to run to my next door neighbor in the intimates section at the department store buying a XXL nightgown when she would clearly know it could not have been for my wife who is a size small. The speculation would start with the incorrect and most damning assumption that it was for another XXL woman, not me. This would not be how I would like to disclose my life's biggest and only secret. The world is a pretty small place depending on your work place, social circle and where you live you might be surprised to find that you were not a stealthy as you might have thought.
I'm finding that each time I spend time in a women's section I get just a bit braver. Though mosty this has been in the hair and beauty sections and not the clothing sections.
I did go into an intimates section once and was chased away by my own fear when asked by a staff member if I needed help. I was just um...
Next time I promise myself I will say - well yes actually I am looking for.....
Quote from: rickkie on October 04, 2016, 01:36:14 AM
I'm finding that each time I spend time in a women's section I get just a bit braver. Though mosty this has been in the hair and beauty sections and not the clothing sections.
I did go into an intimates section once and was chased away by my own fear when asked by a staff member if I needed help. I was just um...
Next time I promise myself I will say - well yes actually I am looking for.....
i go first thing in the morning.. tho lately i shop like i own it..
the first time, "can i help you?" scared the crap out of me.. and i lied.. second time it happened was like...
me: "yeah i looking for a pair of jeans for me?"
she went bright red and was like "the mens... "
and me had to stop her and say, "no i want a pair from here".. we both went a bit red in the face, but after a few seconds of me smiling (shaking in my shoes and all over)and looking she came over and helped and it was a great experience..
with todays economy they would be silly to turn away money.
Way back in the day I was on the androgynous side and my Sister and I would go shopping together. We could both crowd into most changing rooms and swap outfits to check what worked. It was great fun and we were never confronted. I guess I never thought anything about it being odd.
Now that I have a more male presentation, I seem to be a magnet for the salesperson's attention. They always ask if I am shopping for a gift and I usually get a smile when I declare it is for myself. They are often surprised that I know my sizes and are always helpful in selecting styles and colors.
It is always fun to see the reaction when I am shopping with my wife and we select Her's and Her's matches and have two different sizes!
That would be wonderful to get to that point. All tho I have had lots of memories of matching outfits. My older brother and I have the same birthday and my mom decided to dress us like twins, we are 3 years apart
Quote from: Kevinwg on October 04, 2016, 01:35:02 PM
That would be wonderful to get to that point. All tho I have had lots of memories of matching outfits. My older brother and I have the same birthday and my mom decided to dress us like twins, we are 3 years apart
That must have been so annoying
I am still living FT as a man and I will shop at clothing stores that cater to women once in awhile and I don't really get that many weird looks or perhaps I just don't care anymore. I mean the very first time that I went shopping for myself for female clothes I felt strange and out of place and didn't have a clue about my sizes or what would fit me but then after more frequent shopping trips I started to feel more confident and knowing my sizes and so on and now I feel comfortable shopping for clothes and most times I just go to the rack that has sale items hoping that I can find something in my size that would also look good on me.
Quote from: Hikari on April 15, 2016, 01:19:21 AM
men coming in buying pads and tampons even if that isn't always the case.
isn't this otherwise known as the "mans walk of shame" :D that dreaded call many husbands and boyfriends have got only to arrive home and told "these aren't what i use!".
This whole ladies department thing is another example of how people needlessly torment themselves for enjoying themselves. The people around you in a store normally don't care what you do. Even if they glance or stare for minute the experience is going to evaporate from their minds five minutes later. It only seems like a big deal because it's a big deal inside your head. If you receive real pleasure from shopping for yourself on the skirts and dresses aisle, by all means, do so. Just go about it like you know what you're doing and don't worry about other people.
A bit late to this post...
I've been shopping for womens' clothes on and off since I was 18. The first few trips were a pain because I aimlessly wandered around not knowing sizes or anything. I bought a handful of stuff a week ago, at the local walmart without issue. Even went through the normal checkout line. I'm not brave enough to try the fitting rooms yet.
Make yourself look like you belong there, and you usually wont get questioned. I work for an electrical contractor who also does work in Walmart stores and of all the stores I've walked into the employee areas I've only been questioned once. However a uniform with a reflective vest & tools kind of sells it too. Walk through that womens section proudly and get what you like.