Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Community Conversation => Transsexual talk => Male to female transsexual talk (MTF) => Topic started by: stephaniec on May 08, 2016, 02:12:30 PM

Title: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: stephaniec on May 08, 2016, 02:12:30 PM
All my friend said was " cool "
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: Eevee on May 08, 2016, 02:25:17 PM
I didn't have a "best" friend until after I started transitioning. I had a couple friends (and some people who claimed they were at the time) who were totally accepting, so I appreciated having them around.
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: Devlyn on May 08, 2016, 02:32:16 PM
I showed her a picture of myself in a dress and wig. She said "If you're going to do that, you have to get boobs"  :laugh:

Hugs, Devlyn
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: Katiepie on May 08, 2016, 02:35:38 PM
Hm... Which best friend are we talking about?

Well my best friend from high school, after not seeing him for well since high school, and after gaining contact back with him, he's supportive. His mom and sisters are really supportive as well, seeing as i have stopped by their family house on occasion.

My best friend of current is really supportive, and wants to destroy anyone who opposes me. Well not really destroy as in hurt, but like drop them down a notch and make them think logically.

Kate <3
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: BeverlyAnn on May 08, 2016, 03:25:04 PM
My best friend, outside of my wife, I guess would be my cousin.  Three weeks ago when I handed him my letter to read, halfway through the first page he said, "You know, this explains a lot of things when we were kids."  Halfway through the second page he asked, "Why didn't you do this years ago."  After finishing it he hugged me and said, "You've always been part of my life and you always will."
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: stephaniec on May 08, 2016, 03:34:35 PM
nice, I just got that reaction from my sister I just reconnected to after 20 years
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: KyleeKrow on May 08, 2016, 04:46:00 PM
Mine was pretty quiet at first... But then he said it didn't matter. Then he came over a few days later to hang out for a bit, and he had just moved back after living a long ways away for a few years. He didnt seem affected by it. So that was cool. We'll probably end up hanging out more.
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: HeatherR on May 08, 2016, 06:49:40 PM
my best friend for decades hasn't spoken to me since I came out over 3 years ago..  my more recent best friend, whom has earned that title, is my biggest advocate and I love her to pieces.
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: Ms Grace on May 08, 2016, 07:11:38 PM
I don't really have a best friend per se, but a number of good ones. Here are some of my favourite responses:

- "Again? Make up your mind!" (as a joke from a male friend who suffered through my first attempt 20 years earlier)
- "You're going to become a woman!" (from one female friend, as a joke, just before I was about to tell her. When I said "Yes" the stunned look on her face was hilarious.)
- "Sweetie, I always knew." (from a female friend since I was 17)
- "You could knock me down with a feather right now." (from a close female colleague who I had worked with for 14 years, she was very supportive though)
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: sparrow on May 08, 2016, 07:23:09 PM
I have a bunch of best friends.

wife: explosions, devastation.
female bff: Yeah okay, that's fine by me; you'll always be <deadname>... followed by some ugly generalizations about transwomen.  I'm not surprised because your hair has always been long and you're bisexual, etc.  Oops.  She was really trying.
male bff: Um, okay.  How are you doing?
... and since I was a grad student at the time...
male school bestie: wow, that's interesting!
female school bestie: hell yes we can go shopping!
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: suzifrommd on May 08, 2016, 09:03:12 PM
She is an ardent feminist who believed that gender was totally a social construct and that transgender people were fooling themselves into believing they were something they aren't.

Needless to say, we had some very interesting discussions.

She's a sweet, accepting, loving person. I see her torn between her feeling that it's important to accept me and her deep belief that there is no such thing as inborn gender.
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: sparrow on May 08, 2016, 09:21:40 PM
Quote from: suzifrommd on May 08, 2016, 09:03:12 PM
She is an ardent feminist who believed that gender was totally a social construct and that transgender people were fooling themselves into believing they were something they aren't.

That's funny... I can rationalize transgender identities on the basis that gender is entirely a social construct.  The problem is, that social construct is oppressive to people.  Transgender people are those who don't fit the guidelines of that oppressive social construct, and the way that they rationalize their status as a misfit is to place themselves into "the other box" (for binary folk, that is -- I don't believe in boxes).  And since it's all a social construct, we should tailor that social construct to do a minimum of harm: does it hurt her to acknowledge you as a woman?  Not as much as it hurts you for her to deny your womanhood.  If she needs proof, show her the numbers on suicide.

Of course, there are studies out there that provide evidence for a biological basis for transgender identities, but I prefer to operate within the logical framework of my "opponents" wherever possible.
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: LizK on May 08, 2016, 09:42:14 PM
My BFF since I was 17 simply said to me "It's about time, I really wanted to say something when you were getting married all those years ago but figured you had worked it out..so how are you?" and when I asked how she felt if I took her name as it was the name my mother would have given me she flipped out, reeling off all the great things about having her name.

Liz
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: KelliHu on May 08, 2016, 09:51:45 PM
My best friend is my wife, and we had the talk about a month ago.  She was open-minded and ultimately wanted me to be happy, but she was also deeply concerned and almost scared of our future.

And that's where we are now...
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: Nicole on May 09, 2016, 04:39:37 AM
My 2 best friends are still the only ones who I've ever told.

I didn't have a friend until we moved to Melbourne and by then i was out.

My whole family were good mainly because mum set the tone "like it or get out of our lives".

My friends were different though, they knew me as Nicole.
I became very close with 2 girls, Charlotte & Lisa, one night I broke down when we were talking about school, (I left high school, took a year off and went back to a tafe to do my VCE (years 11 & 12)).
I told them everything, they took it so well, both got straight up and gave me a hug, told me they would have never known and we got on with the night.
To this day it has never come up or been even the smallest issue.

I've been a bridesmaid at both their weddings.
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: karenpayneoregon on May 09, 2016, 06:51:57 AM
My best female friend said she was happy for me, now lets go shopping. She has been with me through all my surgeries, even came to California for GRS and nursed me after breast augmentation.

My closest male friend said, now you can go and purchase that Miata you have been talking about. I also work with him and he was the first person on my team I came out too. He said his belief was, everyone would accept me and out of roughly thirty co-workers only one did not accept me.

A handful of friends whom I had not seen for sometime that live close by said they didn't understand and wanted to talk to me in person. Each one of them was fine with my transition after we sat down and talked. The important thing in the conversations was I was fully prepared in what I would say and also dressed conservatively, like any other cisgender female would in day to day life.
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: Emileeeee on May 09, 2016, 08:19:35 AM
Ok
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: cheryl reeves on May 09, 2016, 09:57:49 AM
Mine told me he accepted and even though I identify as female I would always be his bro, sadly he died 3 yrs ago and I still miss him.  My brother is fine with it as long as I don't dress around him. One brother n law thinks because I'm this way I'm weak,told my sis that of he threatens me again he will find out how weak I really am,apparently she told him for since that chat he's been more friendly toward me. I don't live my life for others for my life is my life.
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: Kacie Lynne on May 10, 2016, 08:33:21 PM
ive known my best friend since i was like 8 and he was the one i was most scared to tell
and when i did he responded by telling me that we have been friends for a very long time
and he has always been there for me no matter what and he will always be there for me,
he was happy for me having finally deciding to be who i really am and supports me 110 %
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: cindianna_jones on May 10, 2016, 11:00:58 PM
I had good friends I worked with. They were nice but they tried to talk me out of it. We were all good Mormon church members so you can imagine where that conversation went. We didn't keep in touch after that. I made new friends. Good friends. Friends I can talk to about anything without fear of reprisal. I like it better now.
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: big kim on May 11, 2016, 01:49:51 AM
I never told him. He was the sort of kid who everyone's parents hated, my parents told me he was giving swearing lessons & not to hang around with him, the worst thing you can tell a kid! He was a lot more fun than the stiffs my parents approved of! He was the first person I knew to be deported (at 15). We got into plenty scrapes together.
We grew apart as we got older, he married my sister's best friend and moved to the other side of the world, he had become a racist homophobe and I don't think it would have gone well. He died 2 years ago of alcohol induced liver disease, he never asked about me.
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: ryokohimura on May 11, 2016, 02:52:20 AM
This thread just reminded me that I haven't told some of my oldest friends. I know my mom keeps in touch with the moms of two of them and I'm not sure what they know.

My closest friends have been really supportive. Two of them pretty much are "business as usual". It's like I was always female.

Another one of my friends mentioned she's always know and is very supportive of me. This has...improved my relationship with those around me. This happen to anyone else?
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: stephaniec on May 11, 2016, 07:44:09 AM
I feel a lot more honest with those around me
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: Jayne on May 11, 2016, 07:49:34 AM
Responses I received ranged from someone snorting their beer out through their nose (timing is crucial), to "that's cool" and a few responses of "that's no real surprise"
The majority of responses were along the lines of "It's your life, so long as you're happy that's the main thing"
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: allisonsteph on May 11, 2016, 08:39:30 AM
I had a few different reactions from close friends:

"It's about damn time, I knew that when I met you"

"Ooooooh; I have always known that you're a tortured soul, but never knew why"


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: noleen111 on May 11, 2016, 09:10:44 AM
My best friend was very supportive.

But I never actually told her, she kinda caught me wearing a skirt.. she was shocked at first, but then we had a long chat where I told her that I liked to wear woman's clothing and kinda wished I was born a girl and she actually encouraged me to explore the idea of a sex change. She did a lot of research and sent me to my first therapist.

Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: smittydoyle on May 11, 2016, 09:20:41 AM
My best friend was like, "Yeah duh! That's awesome.  let's get coffee."

lol
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: zeyko on May 11, 2016, 11:56:52 AM
ha, when i came out to this kid i was friends with it was like this:

Adam:*some weird creepy voice* how to be a ->-bleeped-<-got step one, have long hair
Adam: unless you're a girl though
me:... im a boy and i have long hair
Adam: .......oh god. you're a boy?

and he never mentioned anything after that.

Another time i came out to one of my friends as a boy he was just like "oh, so you're like tails from sonic?" and i was confused at first and he said "because you're a boy but you have a girl voice." and he also helped me out a bit afterwards because he found out my parents had been hurting me and stuff and let me stay at his house and gave me his brothers old clothes.
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: herekitten on May 11, 2016, 01:51:29 PM
Other than my childhood friend, we were amazed that we were 'like each other. We lost track of each other somewhere along the way when I moved away.

Flash forward many years later and my best friend (not the aforementioned one) and I decide to share an apartment. We worked together, double dated, did everything as roommates, shared the same friends and on occasion dated the same boyfriends (haha). BUT I never told her. I was tempted one time when she noticed that I never bitched about my period --woops! note to self.  I thought about telling her once, but it just never seemed that important to me. If I ever did, it would be purely for experimental purposes. But I ask myself 'what would that gain me'?
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: Paige on May 11, 2016, 02:34:28 PM
Hi All,

So before you came out to your friends, did you ever receive comments about your appearance?  One friend recently blurted out in the middle of a bunch of friends that I should grow my beard back.  He said I looked better with a beard.   Another commented that I look very different now.   I've had little comments like this off and on for a while.

Sure I've been on spiro, but I don't think my looks have changed that much.  It surprises me how bold some people are.  This sort of thing scares me and I worry about coming out to my friends.

Take care,
Paige :)
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: RobynD on May 11, 2016, 02:48:37 PM
My best friend literally said " duh, no kidding " when i told her  ;D
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: Newfie on May 12, 2016, 10:41:04 AM
Hmm... one friend told me, "Don't take this the wrong way, but I really don't give a ->-bleeped-<-. Like, you do you." I think he meant it in a supportive way, but...

My brother and his girlfriend just wanted to know if they needed to call me anything different. That's been the reaction from most people I've told. I had to correct my brother's girlfriend when she used a slur, but apparently she hadn't realized it was one.

I think more telling are the actions people take after the initial reaction. Some people (my parents) have just tried to pretend I hadn't told them anything. Others have been super supportive, giving me advice on how to do my hair, my nails, going out shopping with me, etc.
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: Michelle G on May 13, 2016, 12:22:45 PM
My best friend is definitely my lovely spouse, when I first told her four years years ago she was surprised but after she got over the initial shock she helped me box up old boy clothes for charity and said "lets go shopping for you"!

I will forever be in her dept for being so understanding!

I also told one of my trusted male cousins, but he is gay and totally was understanding, he even sent some of his trans friends to "like" my facebook page :)
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: julia64 on May 17, 2016, 04:01:38 PM
I originally told my best friend that I was dealing with gender issues about 10 years ago and he was very supportive. 
Now that I am strongly considering and likely going to transition I spoke with him again on Sunday an his reaction was "ok, what can I do to help".  He is an amazing friend and always has my back, he just wants me to be happy.  It is so nice to have his support.
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: Alex123 on May 18, 2016, 02:08:55 AM
Her response was "you idiot, why didn't you tell me 10 years ago, you've been alone all this time". Wonderful lady, fully supportive, totally understands.
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: kelseygal on May 19, 2016, 12:13:39 PM
I am still not sharing with a lot of friends and family for complicated reasons, but my wife qualifies as a best friend too! :)

I left THE note, wine, butterfinger m&m's, and some flowers on the stairs for her before she came home from work. I went to the only other friend's house that knew about it (that friend was surprised, but supportive), and waited...

To my amazement, within minutes of arriving, my wife called and said 'Babe, can you please come home, I want to talk.'. to which I replied 'Are you sure?'. She said 'Of course, I love you, and I'm so sorry you've been going through this.' Big shocker to me, because she comes from a very chirstian/conservative background.

To spare you more detail, there have been tough (tense) moments, but I am relieved to say that she seems to be really settling in, and loving me for who I am. We are scheduling a vacation 6 months out, so that's a good sign ;)
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: stephaniec on May 19, 2016, 12:46:56 PM
congrats
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: Denise on May 19, 2016, 11:56:24 PM
Friends?  What friends?  I have some acquaintances.  My dysphoria made it difficult for me to have/keep friends.  But I do have a group that I know that I told this weekend.  Their response was something like "wow", "no idea", "you're brave", general disbelieving looks - then "let's ride."  (we were about to ride our bikes for 65 miles through some pretty nasty rolling hills)

Basically the general reaction is dumb looks which I interpret as "I don't know what Transgender/Transsexual really means so I don't know how to react."

I offer everyone the following opportunity: I will answer ANY question you have. Nothing is off limits.  If you think it, I want to hear it, regardless of how you think I'll take it.

Only 2 have taken me up on the offer and only one has asked anything beyond "how are you/your wife doing?"  Very surprising.
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: IdontEven on May 20, 2016, 12:10:24 AM
Quote from: Jayne on May 11, 2016, 07:49:34 AM
someone snorting their beer out through their nose (timing is crucial)

I'm jealous. It's so anti-climactic to be scared to death to tell people and then they don't really respond at all. Apparently it's because they were in shock, and maybe because I don't hang out with many extroverts? It would be really satisfying to get at least one beer snort though  :P
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: on May 20, 2016, 04:08:39 AM
"I don't think that's a good idea" -- 1st friend

"You're going to be a dude with boobs" -- 1st friend

"Y'know, my nephew is Trans too.  He came out back in Septem...:icon_blahblah:" (trying hard to relate) -- 2nd friend

"You freak of nature" -- Brother

"What??? NO!!" -- 3rd friend

-gives me a hug- -- 4th friend

In the negative reactions defense, I was't some effeminate gay male to start.  People were genuinely shocked as I was a very masculine, manly presence.  There wasn't any hints or "I knew all along" type of crap.  And no, none of my people were/are bigots... very opened minded circle.  It'd be like public reaction if Nick Nolte was the next Caitlyn, y'know?

My social life plummeted after telling friends :icon_bored:




Good thread, btw.
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: stephaniec on May 20, 2016, 08:23:41 PM
I just waited too long to transition. By the time I did I had no one to tell exept for a niece and a sister I hadn't seen in 20 years. I lucked out that they have been very accepting.
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: Deborah on May 20, 2016, 08:45:31 PM
I've only told one person other than the Dr's and that was my wife about 10 years ago.  She qualifies as my best friend.

She was giving me massive grief over cross dressing because I couldn't tell her why.  Between the grief and self imposed guilt I got to the point that death was seeming a preferable option.  So I told her and that was that.  It wasn't such a big deal anymore and my suicidal desires subsided. 

I owe her a big time unpayable debt for that.


Sapere Aude
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: CrazyCatMan on May 20, 2016, 09:37:18 PM
The first friend I told reaction was super weird. She asked if I was attracted to her, I said no I wasn't (I'm gay) and then she never talked to me again. Still have no idea if they disliked the fact that I was trans or the fact that I didn't find them sexually attractive.  ??? 
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: Hazardus01 on May 20, 2016, 11:55:01 PM
Most people my husband has told have been supportive and have said "it's about time" as he has taken years to finally accept being trans. It explains a lot about his early life and his mother even said "I was beginning to wonder about that" when he told his parents recently. They are supportive of him and so is his brother and sister in law.

I am his best friend and I have taken a while to realize fully what it means that he is trans and not just a cross dresser anymore. I have had to change my outlook because I always thought it was environmental not biological so that is a struggle for me, but I am doing my best to support him. I call him "he" because that is his preference at this stage.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: Willowicious on May 29, 2016, 09:40:50 AM
BFF #1: Are you sure the hormones are safe?
BFF #2: So you going to go full Jenner?
BFF #3: Wow, that's surprising, I thought you were just really femme gay
BFF #4 + 5, plus pretty much everybody else I told: Yeah, I always knew, just so long as you're happy
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: alex82 on May 29, 2016, 08:09:04 PM
Quote from: Cindi Jones on May 10, 2016, 11:00:58 PM
I had good friends I worked with. They were nice but they tried to talk me out of it. We were all good Mormon church members so you can imagine where that conversation went. We didn't keep in touch after that. I made new friends. Good friends. Friends I can talk to about anything without fear of reprisal. I like it better now.

As I scrolled down, I landed on you Cindi - I would never have thought you weren't born female. You look like an elegant middle aged lady.

My friends (so far) have all been great. Apart from one who said ''I've had enough trouble transitioning myself to deal with yours as well'' - she meant 'transitioning' from a house in a great area to a flat in a modest area because she's lost most of her money!!! The coldness of it was hurtful.
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: alex82 on May 29, 2016, 08:21:54 PM
Quote from: suzifrommd on May 08, 2016, 09:03:12 PM
She is an ardent feminist who believed that gender was totally a social construct and that transgender people were fooling themselves into believing they were something they aren't.

Needless to say, we had some very interesting discussions.

She's a sweet, accepting, loving person. I see her torn between her feeling that it's important to accept me and her deep belief that there is no such thing as inborn gender.

I have a very close friend who is exactly like this, who I've avoided telling for just that reason. Whenever it's come up about other people/in the media before, I've defended transsexuals and told her gently to move on.

I found pointing out Chas Bono quite helpful - I said, do you really think he's doing it for male privilege, or because it's a fad, or he wants to pee standing up, or to grab the spotlight from Cher? No? So why would you suggest mtf reasons are to 'muscle in on women's advances like a trojan horse' - or 'invade womens spaces and get off on it' - or 'jealousy that his wife was prettier'? So she's toned it down a bit.

But I still don't want to have the chat with her. I even went straight to her house for dinner after my latest doc appointment, in make up and pretty androgenous student style clothes, and she said 'you look fantastic', and i said 'i feel great' - but I still didn't tell her why or where I'd been, other than 'at the doctor'.

She just thinks I'm a very very effeminate gay man/boychild. The references to that get a bit wearing - so apart from the Great Feminist Debate we'll have to have, she'll also be upset about losing her token gay toy that she can wheel out and tell everyone she meets ''this is my gay friend''.
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: Amanda_Combs on May 30, 2016, 10:09:33 PM
I just told my best friend today.  It went so much better than I would have dreamed.  She said, "I don't care.  WAIT! Sorry...I mean I care about you."  I completely understood what she meant.  She even said that It's not gross or anything and that she understands that I'm not Jared Leto(I really hate that movie BTW)  Anyway, between her and my wife I feel supported in a way that feels like I've just dropped a couple metric tons off of my chest.
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: NicoleAshley on May 31, 2016, 01:42:25 AM
My best friend is pansexual, and he literally noticed the trans pride flag as the background of my iPad and said, "Oh hey, you're trans. That's cool," and then asked the questions of how long I've known, and things like that.
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: Estelle on May 31, 2016, 02:07:40 AM
I haven't had a friend in roughly 12 years (not counting people I know online). I suppose the closet thing I had to one was my sister. Her response was outright delusional. I heard it all from "God doesn't make mistakes" to "You'll always be a man" to "What you plan to do is stupid and selfish" and "It's just a phase". She was angry, confused, and swore that it was apart of God's plan that she found out because she'd do everything in her power to "convert me back to normal." She had a savior complex. She referred to me using various masculine pronouns much more frequently. She broke my shaver and threw away all of my feminine belongings. She claimed that transgender people are the sign of upcoming apocalypse and that they must be converted or eliminated. She demonized and dehumanized me. She kept trying to take pictures of me to remember me by, even though I didn't want her to. She immediately told the rest of my family (who are also transphobic but considerably more hostile/violent), even though she swore that she wouldn't. When confronted with breaking her promise, she claimed that God told them (blatant lies). Then suddenly she became silent. She acted like she never discovered the truth. The level of denial was pitiful yet frightening. In a very short amount of time, I ran away and stopped all contact with her and everyone else in my family for fear of losing my life. I've been homeless ever since. Long story short, she was anything but supportive.

That was my family; I knew them my whole life. The reaction was so negative that I still occasionally have nightmares about it.
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: Midnightstar on May 31, 2016, 02:33:50 AM
Quote from: stephaniec on May 08, 2016, 02:12:30 PM
All my friend said was " cool "

My best friend original thought it was a phase not to be a jerk either i just went into so many sexuality's and i think she expected it to just be a phase. But as time went on she eventually told me "I want you to do what makes you happy" and eventually said  you'll be a brother to me just like you where a sister (because before everything she always considered me a sister" so it was really nice. So i know its a difference but she took it very well and supports me she even is willing to be there the day i take T if i decide to.
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: FrancisAnn on May 31, 2016, 05:23:53 AM
None of my friends were suprised at all. I've always been female anyway since early childhood.
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: Sharon Anne McC on May 31, 2016, 06:17:50 AM
 * it is nice reading all the good recollections, sad reading the bad - what is the generational difference of approval versus disapproval? - i lost all family - i hinted it to my friend in 1974 to his bad reaction, i kept quiet til 1985, ...
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: Sharon Anne McC on May 31, 2016, 06:31:57 AM
 * in 1985, before i could tell him, there i was post-op in stealth as his 'best man' - i sat him down a few days later and told it all to him - he took it well a few weeks then sicced guys on me to beat me up :( - we're estranged 31 years.
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: stephaniec on May 31, 2016, 05:42:52 PM
wow, sorry
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: Draculess on June 01, 2016, 03:31:52 AM
I remember I had told my one super-close friend not too long ago and I was like, "So, I'm sure you were like surprised at first--"
and he's like, "No. Not really. You always just seemed different. I don't mean that in a bad way. You're just yourself. You're becoming more like yourself." and he also said that mainly I don't really act any different then before, except I seem happier and more confident. He still makes some pronoun and dead name slips now and then, but he's certainly trying, and that reaction meant a lot to me.

My other best friend was also really supportive. He was there really early on when I thought maybe I was just a crossdresser, but the trans-ness of it all quickly became apparent, and since the time I eventually told him plainly that I was a trans woman and what name to call me, he hasn't deadnamed or misgendered me once and we've known each other since pre-K. He only says my old name referencing me to people I haven't come out to. lol its kind of crazy to think he did that so naturally when a lot of people I've only known since high school have a lot of trouble with it still. I think it kind of helped him being a fan of Against Me! because he was like sort of aware of trans stuff via Laura Jane.

my grandmother (who is totally my bestie and my mom more or less) is mainly pretty supportive after a lot, a lot, a lot of explaining, (even got p.o.'d about the bathroom bills with me) but she annoys me a little bit when she sometimes says, "they didn't have all this back in my time. things are so different now."

and like yeah, there was a lot less treatment, but trans people are just more visible, there aren't more of them. then again she also told me rock, paper, scissors was "after my time, hon" and that she didn't know how to play lol
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: SophiaBleu on June 01, 2016, 03:42:58 AM
I told my girlfriends first, then girlfriends husbands, then male friends.  So far, so good.  But there haven't been that many changes on my side other than coming out.  Who knows what will happen once I start HRT and dressing out more.  But so far, all friends have been super cool!
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: Sspar on June 01, 2016, 07:57:26 AM
BFF#1.. took about 6 months to believe me then too come to terms..All good now ( lives far away .. friends for 40yrs ).
BFF#2.. laughed his ass off.. asked some questions.. acts no different now.. ( learned his son came out as gay recently )
BFF work.. Yea...ok.. treated no different ( I get female insults now)
BFF Wife.. very pissed.. has come to terms.. has come a long way in a year.. ( still does not like the lesbian label )
over all..90 % of the people have been either neutral or supportive..
I learned that alot of people i know have gay, cross dress, or trans children.. which living in a rural conservative area was very surprising.. which is also why i guess no one ever talked about it.. must be something in the water ;D
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: Luna Star on June 01, 2016, 09:05:16 AM
Most of my friends kinda replied with a "ah okay, cool I guess".

The ones that already have seen me in a skirt were a little weirded out at first but I guess it quickly became normal.
I did hear from my friends afterwards though I seemed to be more relaxed in that attire.
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: SarahMarie1987 on June 01, 2016, 10:48:35 AM
My best friend has known me since I was 12. We are both 29 currently. So she has known me through the times as "Ryan" (my male name assigned at birth) and "Sarah" (the one I have chosen for myself). And when we were talking about it* this is what sticks out the most to me:

"That makes sense to me." Just the simplicity and her acceptance is amazing. She has shown continual support and love for me even when I am not on HRT at the moment. To most of the outside world who sees me as "Ryan", she sees me as "Sarah" and loves me still. It is an amazing feeling. I wish I could share it with you all.

*The whole story of how I have always felt this way, I hid it while we were kids, etc etc etc.
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: julia64 on June 02, 2016, 10:04:15 AM
I just told one of my best friends last night and his reaction was good.  He said I will always have his friendship, love and support but he is ignorant to all this (not in a bad way), so doesn't really know how to react.  He did say that I need to do what is right for me and that is it.  Overall a very good reaction, he is just concerned for me and wants to make sure I am making the right decisions whatever they might be. 
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: Tessa James on June 02, 2016, 10:39:30 AM
I am fortunate to have a passel of best friends and their reactions varied, often by the length of time they knew me.  Some of my oldest friends were the least accepting initially but most are supportive now.  Some were angry that I did not tell them sooner or first.  I tied to assure them it was not a trust issue with them but a long term denial I had to beat.  Some warned me I would be an ugly woman after being a good looking guy.  Many more reasonably expressed a sense of loss for their better known "Jim."  I felt that i had gradually become more androgynous over a life time with occasional fall backs and attempts to be a guy and I was a bit surprised that most did not see it coming.  Of course there were those who said they weren't surprise, that it "made sense now" or that they always suspected it too.  My friends who are gay often called me "girl" anyway.  One said; "OK get in the kitchen and make me something to eat"  "lets go shopping"  "whats next with you then?"

I lost very few really genuine friends and gained many more.  My friends are my intentional family and i cherish them.
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: chrissydr on June 02, 2016, 05:32:17 PM
Didn't really have any friends until I came out, as I just kept to myself as fear of people finding out. My ex was good at keeping me scared. but the person who is now the closet thing I have to a best friend went, "ok, so what do we do now, cause you're going to need boobs, if you wanna play as Harley for Halloween." and that was it.

Most people just tell me they are proud of me and that they support me. Doersn't stop the fear but it can help

Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: kiwidownunder on June 02, 2016, 06:37:51 PM
Told my best friends of 20 years a week ago.
Friends wife told my wife to leave me!
Friend text me 2 days later a said he was so angry and that I am going lose a lot of people in my life.
So not a good out come so far .
Wish me luck its my family next.

Kiwi
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: stephaniec on June 02, 2016, 10:12:47 PM
good luck, sorry to hear that. When I transitioned I had no one so no one could reject me
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: Paige on June 02, 2016, 11:28:29 PM
Quote from: kiwidownunder on June 02, 2016, 06:37:51 PM
Told my best friends of 20 years a week ago.
Friends wife told my wife to leave me!
Friend text me 2 days later a said he was so angry and that I am going lose a lot of people in my life.
So not a good out come so far .
Wish me luck its my family next.

Kiwi

I'm so sorry you had this experience.  You really don't know who your real friends are until you go through difficult times.  It's experiences like yours that I could easily see happening to me.  Too often I think people are your friends because of what you can do for them.  If they feel that isn't true anymore, they dump you.  On the other hand, as many of the posters to this thread have shown there are some really genuine people out there that truly care.

Good luck with your family.
Paige :)

Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: Laura_Squirrel on June 02, 2016, 11:49:02 PM
Both of my so-called "best friends to the end" ditched me. Meh. Screw'em.
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: Eleonore on June 03, 2016, 01:10:29 AM
I can't be happier than I'm about the reaction of my best two friends... they were just extremly happy, that I wasn't ill or something like that, and since they know I have a big support by them, especially my bff is supporting me extremly by let me be myself when we meet... I hope they will continue now, when I start HRT, but I don't have any doubts about that...

My wife's reaction wasn't that cool... even if she told me first "babe, I love you - doesn't matter what happens", she changed here opinion after some weeks, and I do not believe it's going to end nice :(
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: Sharon Anne McC on June 03, 2016, 04:34:44 AM
A thought came to mind reading and re-reading: has anyone you know made their coming out to you? - not someone you know from the lgbt group - someone you had no suspicion or expectation - someone who knew nothing of you but thought you are a good friend.
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: Tessa James on June 03, 2016, 11:37:13 AM
Years ago when I was doing one to one, sit down and come out sessions I experienced a lovely phenomena.  It seems many of us have private secrets.  When I shared my story and, exposed my vulnerability, many people reciprocated and shared their very private truth as well. 

Now, working with our local and regional trans support groups, I have been honored with hearing many fresh coming out stories.  It seems that there are more of us than we might guess.   :D
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: stephaniec on June 03, 2016, 12:51:58 PM
the first person I told who I consider a friend just said that's cool.
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: alex82 on June 09, 2016, 11:31:29 AM
Just told another friend, he's quite laid back anyway, a bit alternative. His response was ''great, when can I f- you?''. It made me laugh. So he said ''no, I'm not joking''. We'll see.

And he signed off with 'do whatever makes you happy x'
Title: Re: What was your best friends reaction when you told them you were trans
Post by: roseyfox on June 10, 2016, 08:10:52 PM
well my current boy friend who was my bff was actually born a girl. we first became friends in 2nd grade and always been friends about 2 years ago he told me he was trans. I was so stunned then i told him that i was. So it was a relatively meh but kinda exiting moment we understood each other a lot more at that point.