I made the biggest mistake today. There is an ice cream store in my downtown neighborhood so stupid me I figure I'd go get an ice cream cone. First off I'm sitting on a bench outside the store contemplating the universe and this homeless idiot that keeps trying to hit on me everytime I run into him on the street, ok that's getting quite disturbing , get away. I'm sitting in the store and it's packed with a constant flow coming and going. I think the schools might be out so the place is packed with the baby to 12 year old crowd. As I'm sitting waiting for my move to the counter I start noticing all these kids are staring at me which is fine , but it doesn't let up. I try smiling back and it works on a bunch of kids , but then I start feeling the hold of severe dysphoria and I stop smiling and start approaching the panic attack stage with all these young eyeballs staring at me. Ok so I get my vanilla cone and sit back down . The staring intensifies so I finish my cone and go out and sit on a bench in front of the store. Ok , I calming down, now two girls around 7 walk by me and as they walk by me they don't let their eyes deviate from extreme focus on my face . They get about 20 yards from me while never leaving eye contact with me except at one point they faced each other and talked a bit then look back at me and were smiling, Ok, I could be paranoid ,but I'm freaking because all day long I've been out in the down town area at cafe's in a really nice dress I bought last week with fish net stockings and thinking I'm looking good. So I've come to the only conclusion I believe possible. I am either one gorgeous babe or I look like the man in the dress demon.
This old bat, at 6ft tall and big everything, yet thin thin and smartly dressed, living in an area filled with 5'6" dumpy, frumpy, "I gave up on being a woman eons ago" women.... I had two choices why a lot of males, and some females stared at me an uncomfortably too long time.
Go negative, like I did 40 years earlier with that "They KNOW" I'm some guy in a dress
Or, go with how I felt leaving the house that morning, "Not bad for an old bat" ;D
Unlike 40 years ago, I'm still presenting female and thinking I look damn good
When I get stared and and think I've been clocked, I hold my head high and show them the proud face of transgender.
The way I see it, my value as a person has nothing to do with whether or not I look cis.
Lucky you I'm still alive. So I can conclude that they were indeed clocking you. It sucks and is embarrassing being clocked by a bunch of kids but the best way to rectify that situation is to go get your ice cream and go on about your business. Also really observe yourself to see if there's anything physically manly about your that you can change or at least work on. That should help.
Quote from: stephaniec on June 02, 2016, 07:45:28 PM
I made the biggest mistake today. There is an ice cream store in my downtown neighborhood so stupid me I figure I'd go get an ice cream cone. First off I'm sitting on a bench outside the store contemplating the universe and this homeless idiot that keeps trying to hit on me everytime I run into him on the street, ok that's getting quite disturbing , get away. I'm sitting in the store and it's packed with a constant flow coming and going. I think the schools might be out so the place is packed with the baby to 12 year old crowd. As I'm sitting waiting for my move to the counter I start noticing all these kids are staring at me which is fine , but it doesn't let up. I try smiling back and it works on a bunch of kids , but then I start feeling the hold of severe dysphoria and I stop smiling and start approaching the panic attack stage with all these young eyeballs staring at me. Ok so I get my vanilla cone and sit back down . The staring intensifies so I finish my cone and go out and sit on a bench in front of the store. Ok , I calming down, now two girls around 7 walk by me and as they walk by me they don't let their eyes deviate from extreme focus on my face . They get about 20 yards from me while never leaving eye contact with me except at one point they faced each other and talked a bit then look back at me and were smiling, Ok, I could be paranoid ,but I'm freaking because all day long I've been out in the down town area at cafe's in a really nice dress I bought last week with fish net stockings and thinking I'm looking good. So I've come to the only conclusion I believe possible. I am either one gorgeous babe or I look like the man in the dress demon.
Well if you ask me you look like a female you look fine
and anxiety sometimes takes away that rational thinking of the mind i know, i have it too.
And them people are probably looking at how great you look and maybe even curious as to what kind of ice cream you got who knows what there thinking. And most of them are probably wondering what everyone else is getting for ice cream or something or how the weather is everyone looks at everyone i wouldn't fear it,
Embrace it someone stars at you smile back i bet you'll get one in return :)
Well , I've been on Hormones 3 years so something should of happened by now which on my good days I feel pretty good and believe I've made some progress . Today and yesterday was a bad experience. Yesterday some street thugs clocked me which doesn't really bother me because of who they are and the environment they come from. Today though freaked me because I thought things were good. There is no way in hell this little camper is turning back because I can't and won't. It was just a bath in cold water. Most of my days are filled with pleasant surprises of being gendered properly I had a case manager come to my apartment yesterday to see what services I needed and I had on another of my favorite desses . A white lace number. We talked and she gendered me properly she had on a pretty white lace top. She's in her twenties and was very nice. The good experiences far outnumber the bad , but the bad can get to you. Also today I saw this transgender that I see in my neighborhood every so often. She works at the University. I first saw her when she had just started HRT and looked like a linebacker for the University football team. That was like 10 years ago , now she looks like a lovely young woman.
Kids are kids. Just stick your tongue out at them and they'll love you.
They also might have just been seeing if you would buy them ice cream.
Either way, don't fret. You look great.
thanks that helped
It's hard to comment on the circumstances and reasons Stephanie. If you are concerned that it may be some element of your presentation/appearance is there anyone you know in real life who can give you honest and constructive feedback? You mentioned a LGBTI centre a while back, maybe someone from there?
well, I really never have too much problems from adults. Today was extreme though.I start a trans support group next week maybe I'll bring it up.
What I could do, which I have been thinking of , is to dye my hair green or purple then I'd be expecting to get looked at and could just ignore it mentally .
People stare and children are notorious for staring, I usually just smile and nod or say hello then go about my business
I do remember an occasion when a couple of girls seem to follow me about and stared at me as I was shopping at the grocery
Their curiosity was starting to become bothersome to me so asked:
"Can I help you?"
Taking turns they replied saying:
"We're Girl Scouts and our mommy told us that there are also some women coming home from the war and they might have the same (far off) stare like our Daddy has"
I was dumbstruck, wasn't sure what to say so I just smiled and said:
"Thank you girls, but I'm okay"
It came to light that their mommy tends to chat allot and so they trail off to see what other people are doing
Finally the mother showed up concerned that they had been bothering me and scolding them for wondering about
I just got my groceries and went home
well. the experience I had today with those two 7 somethings was just weird for me . they were smiling the whole time they were looking at me.Peole have told me that I'm quite pretty when I'm made up with make up, so it is possible they were staring at me because of my looks because 7 year old's will do that , but it is just as equally possible they saw me as a man wearing a pretty dress and make up. There is nothing that happened where I can differentiate which it was pro or con. the only thing that might tip the balance in favor of pretty little girls one anglo and the other African American looking at a pretty older woman would possibly be the fact that while in the store a bunch of kids were smiling at me when I smiled at them and the little boys were playing goofy and the real little ones were just all smiles so I don't think they saw me as an evil predator . One of the woman's husband that was with her and their two sons kept staring at me, but that could also be exactly equally valid for either position of me being Greta Garbo's doppelganger or the evil bathroom predator. So basically I'm still left not knowing why I'm being stared at although I much prefer the Greta Garbo doppelganger theory.
I can totally understand feeling bad over that. Like you say the good experiences outweigh the bad, that is important. I think kids in general are just curious and possibly are not taught as much socialization etiquette as they once were. For good or bad, we are an informal culture now.
When i find my self clocked or semi-clocked, i often just smile like you did and if the person persists i stare back at them until they become uncomfortable.
Young people surprise you on all counts. A couple of years ago before HRT i was traveling and in full femme attire and as you often do, i went to the hotel bar for a drink and some dinner. There was a massive group of kids in the hotel of HS age traveling to some event.
That evening they were hanging out in the lobby and filling the corridor to the bathrooms on both sides like a gauntlet with one or two chaperones just talking and oblivious. I needed to pee, so i figure well i guess i am going to withstand the looks/giggles etc. I was dressed casually in jeans but with some quite high wedge sandals on. I thought i looked sort of cute. Well there was one or two taps from one kid to his neighbor and points back and me that was it. As i am returning to my table, a young lady in the gauntlet calls out to me. " i really like your shoes!" and she was kind and sincere. I turned around and said "thank you so much ". Interesting thing was - is she knew what i was emotionally going through and wanted to offer me support. That was a really sweet 15 yr old.
yea, a situation like that would take a massive amout of will power to just pee.
stephaniec, Sorry your day out turned sour for you. A little late as always but going to throw something out that no one else seemed to hit on. Might not have been "you' that was attracting the looks as much as what you were wearing. Not in anyway telling you how to dress but it is pretty unusual to see a woman wearing a dress and hose in what is a pretty casual situation. Might have been more "look at the lady all dressed up" than "gee look a guy in a dress".Just food for thought........
Quote from: CrysC on June 02, 2016, 08:59:30 PM
Kids are kids. Just stick your tongue out at them and they'll love you.
They also might have just been seeing if you would buy them ice cream.
Either way, don't fret. You look great.
*ding ding*
Winner, winner! Chicken dinner!
Btw, kids seem to see
everything. And that's a good thing; they don't have a "blind eye" like many adults do.
yea, so very true certain adults do have such huge blind spots
I've been meaning to reply to this and it seems that "Lostcharlie" pointed out what immediately stuck out at me. In particular the fishnets. I can bet that is what got the attention. I know I would have looked, if only at the fishnets; but kids being kids they had just had to come in for further inspection. I don't think you were 'clocked' but rather became very interesting to observe - in a good way.
that could be because a few of the girls around 6-7 kept giving me a full body scan which I never saw before from kids. Woman have done like I do to them to see how they put things together.
Quote from: stephaniec on June 04, 2016, 01:07:29 PM
that could be because a few of the girls around 6-7 kept giving me a full body scan which I never saw before from kids. Woman have done like I do to them to see how they put things together.
Did you not have a photo up yesterday? Surely you haven't taken it down because of this? It looked fine.
Like a couple of other people, I too think the reason for the staring might have been to do with someone wearing fishnet stockings to go for an ice cream rather than anything with any more malice.
FIshnets are awesome, sexy, and wonderful attention-getters. Not so great if you don't want people to stare, though. People of all ages and genders stare at ciswomen in fishnets. Same goes for colored hair.
I don't wear age-appropriate clothing because I think that there's such a thing as age-appropriate clothing; I wear age-appropriate clothing because people stare at me less. Gotta pick your battles.
I just like fishnets
Quote from: alex82 on June 04, 2016, 02:58:27 PM
Did you not have a photo up yesterday? Surely you haven't taken it down because of this? It looked fine.
Like a couple of other people, I too think the reason for the staring might have been to do with someone wearing fishnet stockings to go for an ice cream rather than anything with any more malice.
The photos were taken down for other reasons, they will go back sooner or later
Quote from: sparrow on June 04, 2016, 04:50:57 PM
I don't wear age-appropriate clothing because I think that there's such a thing as age-appropriate clothing; I wear age-appropriate clothing because people stare at me less. Gotta pick your battles.
^^This!
I generally try to remember that what other people think about me is none of my business. But it's hard to remember that when people are staring.
I mostly wear what other women my age in my area would be wearing and for the weather. I find I don't get noticed and I so don't have to wonder whether they're noticing me or not.
Kids and especially teenage girls are the exception though. They still scare me! :(
I am sorry to hear that, but I have a feeling you werent being clock but rather just being look at for your fashion if you are wearing fishnets.
well, none of the kids ran screaming to their parents , so that's encouraging.
By the way I have on maroon opaque nylons today and a pretty blue,white and reddish brown print dress.
If you dont look cis-female-like in most, if not all, aspects, there is usually one rule: less attention means better chances at passing, leading to not being clocked. More attention that you draw to yourself, higher are the chances that you are going to be clocked.
You might want to rethink your clothing choices, because it doesnt seem like you enjoyed the extra attention.
no harm intended , but that won't happen as far as changing style . I'm a Target girl . I would expect to get clocked if I had on a lot of make up and false eyalashes that protruded 2 inches from eyes and 6 inch heels with a stretch body type mini skirt.
My legs can't handle high heels any way
Childen are scary. They stare all the damn time. All - the - damn - time.
Even when nobody stares at you, there's always a child that will stare.
Children are brutally honest. They notice everything and aren't afraid to say exactly what they have noticed. It doesn't even matter if they have been taught about gender nonconformity and transgender people... although it changes what they blurt out...
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I was on the train putting my makeup on. As i did, there was this girl who moved to sit across from me. She just sat there and stared... smiling. She was kind of mesmerized and would NOT look away. She had to have been around 6 or 8 years old. I think the way she kept staring at me was the "she is soooooo pretty" stare.
So yeah, i don't think that it means you're getting clocked by a child, they might just think you're pretty
We tend to "split", or what is called "splitting" in psychology. Something is either this, or that. People with borderline suffer from that also, and the cause might be simply as follows:
When we experience something negative, our brains put a tag on it: "bad". Now if it happens often enough, your brain develops a new schema (a pattern of thought), where the previous experience is reinforced by running the schema when you look or get stared at by someone. So the brain splits, and labels it either good or bad.
You might even reinforce the schema yourself, by actively looking at people to see if they look or stare at you. Which brings me to this: those who look or stare might wondering while you look and stare at them, because it takes two... ;)
I just get mixed signals all the time from kids. Some just smile because your older, some because your pretty and the others I haven't the slightest idea.
this was 20 years ago, I was out in proper attire and got on a bus. This was long before I started hormones so all I had was a dress and make up . I'm sitting across the aisle from a high school girl going to school. I'm kind of freaking because I haven't a clue as how I'm perceived whether male or female. She just sat there looking at me smiling , so I figure I probably didn't look too bad, but I haven't the slightest idea what was going on in her head.
When people stare at me, I check clothing, check my hair, I make sure that I haven't spilled something on myself and lastly, nothing hanging out my noose. If I find nothing (less often than I like), I stand up, smile and say "hi", to the person in charge.
I've heard a hundred reasons for a stare. Not once has it been because I'm trans.
I don't ever actually know what the munchkins are thinking until "Hi" and sometimes, not even then.
Stephanie, you are a nice looking and slightly paranoid woman. Keep looking good. Ditch the paranoia around children.
Hugs,
Jen
I'm trying , but I keep thinking of a movie I think was from England where small groups of kids were born around the world and both male and female had platinum hair and when they reached a certain age they started destroying the towns they were born in.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Village_of_the_Damned_(1960_film)
I think the kids in the movie were also telepathic. That's easy to test.... Just smile and think "That is the ugliest kid I've ever seen." If they jump back, worry. If no reaction, their OK.
Hugs,
Jen
Most, if not all, children stare at people older than themselves. They learn by looking and copying. If children are exposed to similarities -rather than differences- then they will stare as adults because they haven't had the exposure of differences as children. You'll notice this difference in people who've grownup in cities or in rural areas. The level of exposure in cities is higher than in rural areas, and so city people don't stare as much as others because they've been exposed by many differences.
So if children stare, encourage them :) it mean that they're learning to classify you as female, and remember that later in life.
sounds good
things were a lot better today. Was standing in line at the food stamp office and bsides being properly gendered a little girl around 5 kept looking at me and smiling then brushed up against me.
I don't think anyone (other children aside) should really 'engage' with other peoples children, 'encourage' them, or brush up against them/let them do it to you.
Nothing to do with trans btw. Just generally. I can't see that ending well. It certainly wouldn't if I was out with my nephew. Maybe we are all a little too suspicious of people now, but best err on the side of caution.
Children do stare at people - the best thing is generally a genuine smile at the child, and a more nuanced 'sort your kid out' smile to the adult it's with.
sorry I think your jumping to conclusions , the mother was standing next to me in line. The child was treating me as she would any other woman standing on the side of her mother.
Quote from: stephaniec on June 13, 2016, 12:49:23 PM
sorry I think your jumping to conclusions , the mother was standing next to me in line. The child was treating me as she would any other woman standing on the side of her mother.
I'm really not jumping anywhere.
It's nothing to do with being a woman, children just sometimes attach themselves to people. You're the adult and the stranger - unattach them, for your own sake.
Doubly so if you're half dressed and pulling bits of clothing out of your jeans.
I was in a cafe the other day waiting to be served, and in front of me was the loveliest, gentlest dad with the cutest baby I've seen in years. I said to him 'I'm so sorry to bother you, but your son is too perfect and I had to tell you' - so I had a little hold, and an old couple behind me joined in too. I meant no harm (and was fully prepared to be treated as the local nutter, but it really was an adorable baby) as I'm sure you didn't, but you have to be careful.
The sort of thing that could really get someone a bad name - particularly if they're quite literally undressing and redressing on the spot before swinging by the nearest building site for a thrill.
It's heartwarming that you respond so well to young children, but it's not 1956, and I think you live in the middle of a large city. Just be careful.
I'm sorry, Your coming from a perspective that doesn't apply in this case and I'm sorry that you see this particular instance as provocative. All I will say is I won't comment further on this particular event.
I just think you need to take care of yourself, including not sauntering past groups of random men, clearly without underwear, who could do anything to you, follow you, hurt you, mock you. That's not a catwalk, that's a gauntlet.