Would u take it as a compliment If someone told you "your beautiful and don't let anyone tell you different". A security guy at a bar who was walking around n saw me told me that. Wen guys tell me that it honestly makes me feel ugly.
Why would it make you feel ugly ???
Alice x
Quote from: Alice-jones on September 12, 2016, 03:08:31 PM
Why would it make you feel ugly ???
Alice x
cause of the last part "don't let anyone tell you different" if I'm so beautiful why would he think anyone would say different?
If he had left off "and don't let anyone tell you different", it would not sound so bad.
Quote from: Lady Sarah on September 12, 2016, 03:13:16 PM
If he had left off "and don't let anyone tell you different", it would not sound so bad.
so why would he say "and don't let anyone tell you different"?
I can only guess he saw something that made him think someone would tell you different. Looking at your avatar, I don't see whatever that might be.
Quote from: Angélique LaCava on September 12, 2016, 03:15:28 PM
so why would he say "and don't let anyone tell you different"?
Perhaps because he could sense a lack of confidence?
Hard to say if I didn't know him. It could be just an expression that he uses when he's otherwise "in a relationship" and doesn't want it to be misconstrued as making a pass at you. Option 2 is that he knows your story and is just trying to be kind, although quite a misguided statement. Option 3, he may have clocked you and is wanting to show you that he is an ally and supporter of your life choice. My takeaway would be that he thought you were pretty.
Quote from: kelly_aus on September 12, 2016, 03:22:06 PM
Perhaps because he could sense a lack of confidence?
he did keep telling me to smile. I also told him I was just waiting for my boyfriend and he said my boyfriend is a lucky man. I just didn't understand why he couldn't just call me pretty without adding the "don't let anyone tell u different".
To me, it sounds like a poorly veiled attempt at hitting on you by manipulating your sense of confidence. I doubt it was an issue with your beauty.
And guys telling me to smile? Yeah that misogynistic expression i definitely hate. We don't need to smile to please anyone.
perhaps he saw you sitting alone and wanted to be friendly; anyway, it doesn't sound like he was trying to be condescending. I would just accept the compliment that you are pretty, and edit out the rest, since dwelling on it is not helping your self esteem.
Later that night one guy came up to me wit his friend n was hitting on me n kept saying that I'm such an exceptional lady (idk Wat that means exactly), but that security guards comment affected me the most.
Perhaps identifying the reasons why those words hurt you, and then determining why it is you feel that way will help you to overcome letting such things get to you in the future; we can't control what someone else says or thinks, but when we accept and love ourselves for who we are, we hold all of the power.
'He was right, you are beautiful. Downright gorgeous in fact. But guys are guys and if you were a tree they would want to get into your knothole. Bars are not the best place for judging character. He could be sincere, but my sister has worked in bars all her life and she is now on husband number 9.
That is an old saying from a generation or too ago, in fact I remember hearing one of my uncles telling my very pretty sister the exact same words a few times.
Some guys just get tongue tied and dont really quite know what to say to a very pretty woman like yourself.
Its a compliment. Accept it, smile and say thank you. Its a phrase people use alot in the south. Basically means that if anyone tells you different its because they are jealous/envious. I think its a very sweet thing for him to have complimented you -- and deservedly so because you exude femininity. Maybe there was a flirt in there somewhere and probably was. I am oblivious to men flirting with me unless I am interested in the person.
I think you sometimes are hyper critical and too suspicious. I usually add up the good compliments of the day and write off the bad ones. I mostly come out in the positive for the days traveling. Like today I went to the grocery store and the cashier trated me like a girl friend which totally made my day. Then I called for a cab and the dispatched said sir , but the cab driver treated me totally like I was Greta Garbo , so I came out on the positive side for the day.
Quote from: Angélique LaCava on September 12, 2016, 03:05:11 PM
Would u take it as a compliment If someone told you "your beautiful and don't let anyone tell you different". A security guy at a bar who was walking around n saw me told me that. Wen guys tell me that it honestly makes me feel ugly.
It could be negging but in your picture, you are very beautiful.
Quote from: Angélique LaCava on September 12, 2016, 03:31:34 PM
he did keep telling me to smile. I also told him I was just waiting for my boyfriend and he said my boyfriend is a lucky man. I just didn't understand why he couldn't just call me pretty without adding the "don't let anyone tell u different".
I would think the guy was a condescending ass tbh
Different scenario but similar results. A coworker told me a few times in the past months, "Youre the man, dont let anyone tell you different." Obviously, not THE man, but I have good morals and a good human being, hes saying it to me because he respects me even if others may disagree IN HIS MIND.
Now this guy, he is IN MY OPINION, saying you are beautiful but he thinks you have low self esteem and may think others wont hold the same opinion...
Its a 75% compliment and 25% backwards.
When a guy thinks you are pretty... He will just say so I think.
Quote from: Angélique LaCava on September 12, 2016, 03:05:11 PM
Would u take it as a compliment If someone told you "your beautiful and don't let anyone tell you different". A security guy at a bar who was walking around n saw me told me that. Wen guys tell me that it honestly makes me feel ugly.
No. It's unsolicited and it's qualified. Compliments are hopefully always the first, but never also the latter.
Quote from: kelly_aus on September 12, 2016, 03:22:06 PM
Perhaps because he could sense a lack of confidence?
And as a security guard in a bar, his job is to watch the doors and check for trouble, not to seek out flagging confidence among the customers. Who may well have simply gone for a quiet drink about their flagging confidence, or not. None of a bouncers business.
Quote from: RobynD on September 12, 2016, 03:37:02 PM
To me, it sounds like a poorly veiled attempt at hitting on you by manipulating your sense of confidence. I doubt it was an issue with your beauty.
And guys telling me to smile? Yeah that misogynistic expression i definitely hate. We don't need to smile to please anyone.
I agree. It's manipulative by undermining. Therefore not complentary. And a decent enough warning that this is not the sort of person you want to hang around with to hear any more complements from.
As for 'cheer up love, it might never happen' - well, if you're that interested and you'd like to hear what has happened, we can talk. Otherwise, shut up and let my facial expression fall however it falls please.
When I was in the army some of the guys were talking about a book called "The Game" I think. Its basically a book about hooking up with chicks, but one of the methods was called using "Negs" or something. Basically its a compliment with criticism attached too it. Supposedly it attracts women. Maybe it was that kind of thing?
Quote from: Nahia on September 15, 2016, 09:51:43 PM
When I was in the army some of the guys were talking about a book called "The Game" I think. Its basically a book about hooking up with chicks, but one of the methods was called using "Negs" or something. Basically its a compliment with criticism attached too it. Supposedly it attracts women. Maybe it was that kind of thing?
Lol, like Tom Cruise's character in Magnolia.
"You're beautiful". That is fine.
"Don't let anyone tell you different". Like it's really not obvious, or subject to debate. To me it ruins any compliment