Susan's Place Transgender Resources

My dating life either as trans or cis has been non existent for a long time , but that's mostly been of choice.

Mines kind of a bummer. It was going good for like 8 months, but then all the sudden guys stopped asking me out. I mean I still get hit on, but all of them just want sex.

It was good, so good, that I"m engaged to be married. Hugs
Mariah

lucky girl, best wishes

What's dating?

Bf and I are together for 10 months now :) we've been arguing lately tho...


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It's as garbage as it gets. I'm 29 and have never been on a date. Thanks, transsexuality.

Before I realized I'm partially transmale and demisexual, I'd date, or get married, to prove to my loved ones that I'm "normal" but after my religious parents passed away, I stopped trying. It takes over a year for me to feel sexual attraction to someone (demisexual) and otherwise I'm asexual (no sexual attraction for any gender), so zero motivation.

In fact, I ran off to teach in southern Thailand, where people are allowed to be single without being hassled or thought odd.

I do miss my former Navy pilot, airline pilot ex since we traveled the world, went camel trekking in Australia, camping in Tasmania, camping at the Grand Canyon, drove and rode our Walking Horses and camped outdoors year around. He gave me two hour foot rubs every night, dressed impeccably, we read books to each other, and he finished my housework whenever I turned my back for a moment. He also was a gender mix, although I didn't realize it at the time, who allowed me to express my male nature, which I hadn't suspected I had, before him.

I don't see how I can date now because..I have no idea who to date..men, women, a blend? I am strongly attracted to gender blends, like my ex, but my mixed gender ex was treacherous, manipulative, and dangerously jealous of anything that caught my attention other than him.

I can't behave as a female to live with a male, and I don't behave enough as a male to live with a female, as I resent their bossy ways.

My ex recently emailed me that he is going to transition to live as a female and wants to move to Thailand live with me, but I remembered how treacherous he was before and discouraged him doing that. Yet it seems to be the perfect solution if a person can actually change.

We are both 64 years, but have such a limited, organic diet, we don't act or look like it. Or maybe it's from being mixed gender.

My wife is very supportive, but that would definitely change if I started dating!   >:-)

Not interested in relationshops at my age. Sex is all I need and that part has been easy. lol

At just turned 25 I've never had a relationship in my entire life. My thought process for most of the time was "If I can't love myself how could I possibly love someone else?" I'm also probably one of the most passive/submissive girls out there so little chance of anyone thinking I was actually female in high school, thinking I'm cute and asking me out Haha I've never really felt like I was missing something though have felt lonely quite often. But since coming to the realization that I cant live wasting my life away not living all I've been doing is working on improving myself and relationships couldn't be further from my interests. Though in a way I'm kind of thankful for it. I've read sop many posts on this site about people who are married and after so long coming out, I can't imagine how hard that must be so I'm kinda glad I've had no relationships yet. One day though! Haha

I got married two months ago tomorrow.... My husband is taking me out on a date night Sunday  evening...so marriage is not the end of dating!!!...Life is Awesome!!!!

Onward we go!!!

Ashley :)

that's great

None existent for a year now...

minor  council , but at least I'm not alone.

I'm not interested in any relationship at the moment. I don't want to expose myself to the possibility of getting hurt again and additionally I don't have any free time due to full time work and single parenting.

I'm happy when I can finally go to bed alone and get some rest... ;)


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The hubby and I try to have a monthly date night. While "dating", dates were usually just sitting down and talking. Things were different when I was younger. We always went out and did some type of activity. Some times, I'd have 6 or 8 dates before we decided it wasn't going to work. These days, guys would make that decision after just one date.
While I was on online online dating sites, I found that most men will not even take anyone out on a date. They'd rather just talk or text. Persistence is key. I am grateful that I no longer need to keep trying to find dates.

Had 4 dates in 8 years which is not very impressive. I'd run a mile from anyone who wanted a date with me, they must be more disturbed & damaged than I am.

I haven't dated in a while, the last girl I dated was a classically bad fit and of course I fell hard in love/lust. There are girls I like and I very much am enjoying getting closer to them. Even where there's sexual attraction I'm not pushing that.

I really hit it off a while back with my masseuse she left town on very short notice, I think due to problems with the INS. I miss her badly.

My gf has occasional dates about half vanilla and half for sex. I enjoy her experience vicariously and she's been more motivated lately due to my becoming less sexual since starting HRT.

If I had time I'd date, I don't choose to make time for that.

Quote from: KathyLauren on November 18, 2016, 07:35:09 PM
My wife is very supportive, but that would definitely change if I started dating!   >:-)

Not even if you got her a date too? lol
Moni

Before transitioning I was very active in relationships with cisgender females but after transitioning I decided dating was right for me, no long term relationships. I have no issues with dating, usually cisgender females ask me out, several men but I'm not into men. Last weekend I dated a trans-man for the first time, that was interesting.

I don't date "as transgender."

Quote from: Sophia Sage on November 20, 2016, 09:00:51 AM
I don't date "as transgender."

I just meant as a person who has transitioned , how do you find dating.

Quote from: big kim on November 20, 2016, 01:30:25 AM
Had 4 dates in 8 years which is not very impressive. I'd run a mile from anyone who wanted a date with me, they must be more disturbed & damaged than I am.

LOL. For awhile I thought you had to be suicidal to be attracted to me

Quote from: HappyMoni on November 20, 2016, 07:57:37 AM
Not even if you got her a date too? lol
Moni

LOL!  She and I have some great dates together, especially for clothes shopping.

Well, currently it is non existent. 

There are couple of women I want to go out with and I know one wants to go out with me but it seems rather selfish to get involved and then spring the oh by the way, I am transitioning to live as a woman.

Although it is pretty obvious what is going on, I do not need something like that on my conscience, plus, HRT will make any sex an interesting affair.

Quote from: stephaniec on November 20, 2016, 09:33:31 AM
I just meant as a person who has transitioned , how do you find dating.

It's been good overall, though it's had its ups and downs.  This year has been particularly good, with lots of flirting and several sexual encounters, most of them satisfying.  More unsatisfying has been the lack of any real relationship potential in my partners, not because of them so much as I've been a bit itinerant of late because of work, which makes it hard to put down roots and actually settle.  Also, I'm finding myself more and more attracted lately to primal dominant men, which certainly winnows the field.

My best relationship was with Mr Carpenter.  We were together for six years.  He had magnificent hands, was a true gentleman with me, very respectful of my independence and opinions.  We had really great sex.  I loved the control he exercised over his environment, despite his aesthetic choices.  He got along great with my dad; my mom was not terribly impressed.  Unfortunately, he was a daily pot smoker, had some regressive social opinions, and was not inclined towards intellectual or spiritual exercise... so I too grew disenchanted and finally left him.

Post-op, my experience has pretty much been like any other middle-aged single woman's.

thanks

It is non-existing right now.

Other said I could have sex whenever I want, maybe so. But the sex thing doesn't satisfy me, at all. I had a couple of sexual encounters after my SRS, which were fun. But no-one approached me for a relationship. My libido is also non existing. I can get warmed up, but it takes a lot of time. So I end up pleasing the guy, while I just lay there. So I just don't bother anymore.

Dating... I am not sure. I don't know what to say. Should I tell, should I not tell? that dilemma drives me crazy, and I end up alone on the couch watching TV with a bowl of ice cream.

Right now, my strategy is like this: I don't actively seek. Instead I wait when someone will approach me, and then we go from there. If nothing happens, that is fine. Also, I don't see any benefits in having a relationship. I only miss the hugging, touching and caressing...

...but I could get a cat as well...  :laugh: ^-^

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FsaKZtfR.jpg%3F1&hash=ebe43a2dfc1e1447de9d28d80d65e0fac5baf4d7)

Quote from: 2cherry on November 25, 2016, 06:50:44 AMI had a couple of sexual encounters after my SRS, which were fun. But no-one approached me for a relationship.

Most guys are actually terrible at taking the initiative, and those who aren't are more likely to be, well, undesirable in other aspects.  We need to take some initiative, and we can do that by flirting!  Which actually makes sense, because if we want to have actual relationships instead of one-night stands, we need to get to know people.  Flirting is a way to do that within this context. 

Also, it's so much easier to flirt after healing up from FFS.  :)  It makes us cuter, and more self-confident, both very attractive traits.

QuoteMy libido is also non existing. I can get warmed up, but it takes a lot of time.

I found my libido shifted over time after SRS, too.  There were several years when it pretty much disappeared.  I've recently realized that this happened because I was put on a "post-menopausal" regimen for HRT. 

That said... having SRS with Meltzer, all the electricity works great.  I "practiced" on myself very early on in my dilation regimen, and got really good at figuring out how to push all my buttons. YMMV, but it's a "discipline" I recommend if you want to increase your responsiveness.  ;)

QuoteDating... I am not sure. I don't know what to say. Should I tell, should I not tell? that dilemma drives me crazy, and I end up alone on the couch watching TV with a bowl of ice cream.

Most dates never go anywhere, and most relationships don't last.  Think of it this way -- you have a "hot potato" and it's generally not conducive to facilitating a relationship to pass the hot potato to someone who is by no means ready to receive it.  It might make you feel better in the short term, but that's actually kind of selfish? 

Put the hot potato in the refrigerator and let it sit for a few years, and then see how you feel.

It was excellent, I'm currently engaged to be married to a wonderful man for about a year now. I cant wait to be his wife.. we wanted a long engagement... the wedding will happen next.. I have started planning my wedding dress, still cant believe I will be a bride.

Quote from: Sophia Sage on November 25, 2016, 08:28:57 AM
Most guys are actually terrible at taking the initiative, and those who aren't are more likely to be, well, undesirable in other aspects.  We need to take some initiative, and we can do that by flirting!  Which actually makes sense, because if we want to have actual relationships instead of one-night stands, we need to get to know people.  Flirting is a way to do that within this context. 

Yes, I find shy guys a huge turnoff... I don't like it when a guy doesn't want to take initiative, and just stumbles around. You could say I like bad boys, because they just take what they want. And to me that is extremely sexy. I mean, if a guy is shy to even talk to me, it tells me he will be the same in other situations. Maybe that is some instinct: I want a man who protects me, cares for me, and if possible provide for me. And chances are, the shy guy can't do that. I know, it sounds very judgmental, but that is how I feel... honestly.

I don't even care what a guy looks like, even "ugly" guys can be attractive to me but only if they are confident of themselves. If he's shy, absolutely nothing will happen.

Sometimes what looks like shy is simply respectful.  Now, if a guy doesn't respond to flirting by flirting back, then, yeah, you're dealing with someone who either isn't into you, or doesn't have enough confidence, and it's time to cut bait.  All that said, I definitely found more guys taking the initiative to flirt with me after FSRS -- like, about four months afterwards, when most of the healing was done. 

But, I think it helps to turn up the charm and charisma to elicit that kind of courtship. To be talkative and open in one's demeanor -- guys aren't likely to flirt with someone who seems depressed, or a wallflower, or antagonistic.  Like, hunched over with arms crossed and barely speaking two words is not very inviting. It takes two to tango, and if you're really not interested in entering a relationship in the first place, because you're uncomfortable about other things, because you're lacking your own confidence, they'll go for someone else who's more vivacious.  Confidence begets confidence.

Now, if you're really into dominant men, you might consider checking out the D/s scene, but that's a whole 'nuther story.   >:-)

Never better, to my immense surprise. I met my husband after I transitioned (he knew I had not had SRS but doesn't care either way) and found that guys were simply all over me in a way they had NEVER been when I was presenting as a "man." I think I looked very feminine before I ever did anything, and that was a turn off for gay men. As a woman, however (even one who's not had the final procedure) people find me much more attractive. It probably helps that I live in a liberal area where many hetero and bisexual guys are open minded enough that they aren't necessarily bothered by the whole trans thing.

Quote from: tgirlamc on November 19, 2016, 12:39:13 AM
I got married two months ago tomorrow.... My husband is taking me out on a date night Sunday  evening...so marriage is not the end of dating!!!...Life is Awesome!!!!

Onward we go!!!

Ashley :)

That's wonderful Ashley, very important to keep the spark alive, I'm married 6 years and my husband takes me on a date at least once a week, maybe Saturday night, on our wedding anniversary he always takes me out on a special date and spoils me, marriage is not the end of dating..

Quote from: noleen111 on November 25, 2016, 08:43:37 AM
It was excellent, I'm currently engaged to be married to a wonderful man for about a year now. I cant wait to be his wife.. we wanted a long engagement... the wedding will happen next.. I have started planning my wedding dress, still cant believe I will be a bride.

That's great Noleen, I'd do it all again, my day went so quick, I was so nervous, being a bride you'll be the centre of attention, very surreal, the lead up and all the preparation, getting the perfect dress, pre wedding nerves and jitters, my ability in becoming a wife, but it all worked out, now married 6 years, time flys.

Quote from: Sophia Sage on November 25, 2016, 10:05:29 AM
Sometimes what looks like shy is simply respectful.  Now, if a guy doesn't respond to flirting by flirting back, then, yeah, you're dealing with someone who either isn't into you, or doesn't have enough confidence, and it's time to cut bait.  All that said, I definitely found more guys taking the initiative to flirt with me after FSRS -- like, about four months afterwards, when most of the healing was done. 

But, I think it helps to turn up the charm and charisma to elicit that kind of courtship. To be talkative and open in one's demeanor -- guys aren't likely to flirt with someone who seems depressed, or a wallflower, or antagonistic.  Like, hunched over with arms crossed and barely speaking two words is not very inviting. It takes two to tango, and if you're really not interested in entering a relationship in the first place, because you're uncomfortable about other things, because you're lacking your own confidence, they'll go for someone else who's more vivacious.  Confidence begets confidence.

Now, if you're really into dominant men, you might consider checking out the D/s scene, but that's a whole 'nuther story.   >:-)

Yes, there is more to it...

I also find, that, it is difficult to find someone who is on a similar level of experience... we as trans/people have gone through such struggle that it seems almost impossible to find someone who understands the depth of our condition, and the growth that came out of it. When I meet guys, I see grownup boys... few of them can relate/buzz on a similar level... in effect, their experience of life lags behind mine. My frequency of experience is just different... if that makes any sense? maybe that is why I enjoy the company of older men. They've been beaten by life. Although I don't feel attracted to them.

It is difficult... or maybe I am difficult... I am too much inside my head, afraid to feel this body... essentially I shut my body down, to protect it, and defend it from pain and hurt....  :icon_cry:

Quote from: 2cherry on November 25, 2016, 06:21:29 PMI also find, that, it is difficult to find someone who is on a similar level of experience... we as trans/people have gone through such struggle that it seems almost impossible to find someone who understands the depth of our condition, and the growth that came out of it. When I meet guys, I see grownup boys... few of them can relate/buzz on a similar level... in effect, their experience of life lags behind mine.

Most women feel the same way, actually.  For, as women, we've gone through such struggle that it seems almost impossible to find a man who understands the depth of our condition, and the growth that came out of it. 

QuoteMy frequency of experience is just different... if that makes any sense? maybe that is why I enjoy the company of older men. They've been beaten by life. Although I don't feel attracted to them.

It is difficult... or maybe I am difficult... I am too much inside my head, afraid to feel this body... essentially I shut my body down, to protect it, and defend it from pain and hurt....  :icon_cry:

I struggle to feel attracted to anybody when I'm not fully engaged with my body. 

Jump-starting that engagement is a discipline, I think.  The discipline of dilation, for example -- that gets me in my body, and I almost always use it as an opportunity to get myself off.  Long bubble baths.  Exercise.  Being nice to my hair, having good food, lotioning my skin.  When I start taking care of my body, I get out of my head, and then I find I'm not having that second stream-of-consciousness nattering in the background... and then, almost as if by magic, people respond better to me.  It's a positive feedback loop.

All of this is just to facilitate our ability to let go...

I'm married to a great guy; I met my husband shortly after transitiong, and a few years later we considered our relationship to be a marriage, but we didn't make it official until recently. It was a beautiful ceremony in a small chapel, we were married with traditional vows, exchanged rings, shared a kiss, and went on our Merry way. ❤️

I came out almost 4 years ago and have been on hormones 16 months.  Its been 4 years since I have been on a date much less had sex.  I am a lesbian and it seems that finding a woman willing to date me is like finding a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.  Cis women aren't attracted to me.  All the lesbian women I have encountered have told me that either Im not a real woman or they would date me only if I had the operation.  The only real interest I have received has been from either poly people, which sadly I am not poly or from couples looking to add a third or a play thing.  Even other lesbian trans women have no interest in me.  I don't think I am bad looking.  I can carry a conversation and have lots of hobbies.

Quote from: kittenpower on November 25, 2016, 10:44:38 PM
I'm married to a great guy; I met my husband shortly after transitiong, and a few years later we considered our relationship to be a marriage, but we didn't make it official until recently. It was a beautiful ceremony in a small chapel, we were married with traditional vows, exchanged rings, shared a kiss, and went on our Merry way. ❤️

Hi Kitten!!! Our stories have a lot in common and I am a lifelong cat girl too!!!!

Here's to married life!!! ...Onward we go

Ashley ='.'=<{meow}

Before I transitioned, I had one serious relationship that lasted a little over a year, and one ambiguous relationship that lasted like two months with a woman I wasn't really into, and I really didn't even date anyone other than that.

Almost as soon as I started transitioning — at 30 — my dating life took off. Queer chicks like me a lot better than straight chicks ever did, and the dynamic is just much more open. Heck, straight guys like me about as much as straight women ever did. I've had several moderately serious relationships (with women; I'm not into guys) and I've been with my partner for five years.

So ... night and day.

And by the way, it's not like I ever passed very well before FFS. People knew I was trans upon meeting me. They just liked me better anyway. Also, I know I would personally be much more nervous dating guys, if I were into them.

Quote from: tgirlamc on November 26, 2016, 10:11:26 AM
Hi Kitten!!! Our stories have a lot in common and I am a lifelong cat girl too!!!!

Here's to married life!!! ...Onward we go

Ashley ='.'=<{meow}

Hi Ashley, Yes married life is good! Cheers 😊

Quote from: Sophia Sage on November 25, 2016, 10:25:10 PM

I struggle to feel attracted to anybody when I'm not fully engaged with my body. 

Jump-starting that engagement is a discipline, I think.  The discipline of dilation, for example -- that gets me in my body, and I almost always use it as an opportunity to get myself off.  Long bubble baths.  Exercise.  Being nice to my hair, having good food, lotioning my skin.  When I start taking care of my body, I get out of my head, and then I find I'm not having that second stream-of-consciousness nattering in the background... and then, almost as if by magic, people respond better to me.  It's a positive feedback loop.

All of this is just to facilitate our ability to let go...

Interesting!  :) yes, I have not been very nice to my body... it endured many surgeries, and I even had to calm my body down a bit before every surgery... saying that it would be alright. Maybe I need to take care of my body a bit more. Nurture and spoil it a little bit.  :D

My wife was supportive until I was honest and told her of my desire to go all the way and that there had been a gradual change in my sexuality; since coming out; then taking blockers and hormones. Since then I have be too scared to date, but hopefully after GCS!! >:-)
Love Jools x

It was going great until I realized I was straight while in a gay marriage.

I have a great girlfriend Adrianna and we have been together since January of this year.Adrianna is a genetic female and I am her first transgendered female she is dating.Things are going well so far and supporting me through my transition which has been a year.Adrianna said she will love me still if I decide not to have the GRS and support my decision on this part.

Too many guys all of them want one thing [emoji850]


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About 8-9 months after the last piece of my transition (SRS), I realized/admitted I had feelings for a friend and made a move. We've been together 4 years now. We're both (graduate) students, and I'm Canadian and she's American so it's been a struggle to figure out how to live together. We've only managed about 30% of our relationship in the same home so far, which is frustrating. We're going to get married soon--not cause of any great commitment to the ceremony, but to make immigration easier.

I love her more than anyone or anything. And she puts up with my crazy. So I guess I'd say... pretty good?  ;D

Right now, I am thinking I will always be alone...

I'm not into dating websites, tinder, etc... so I am simply waiting until someone hits on me and then see where things go. I am open to it, but I am afraid. And I guess I can wait a long time. I am afraid of guys, afraid to tell/find out and all the stress around it. I am BI, but I don't find much attraction in females. Not sure, maybe it's my destiny or fate. It's a crazy world, so I would not be surprised.

But if I am honest, I don't search for anything. I am an extremely private person. So the odds I find someone through social interaction is pretty slim. Someone has to have the balls to approach me in a store or on the street, or nothing will fly.

A random guy was hitting on me today, as I went shopping. He told me I looked perfect. Not sure what he meant by that... I guess I take it as a compliment, otherwise this whole second guessing business starts messing with my mind again. No need to gaslight myself.  :D

When that happens, I shrug it off. I don't know what I can do about it. Maybe I am lazy, or maybe I don't care enough.

I am kinda ready for something... but I am not sure what/where/how/who/

I was in a relationship before and during my transition with a very wonderful woman.  She was with me through GCS but I felt I had to break it off because my sexual feeling had begun to change.  I am attracted to transwomen and to a certain extent guys.  I was never attracted to a man's member until recently.  I absolutely love having sex with my new vagaina.  It feels so natural.  I am now dating a pre-op transwoman but we live on opposite coasts.  We see each other every couple of weeks and it's good.   

Hi Jess

Love you girl !!!

How did we both end up becoming attracted to a man's member?

Wonderful that you are loving sex I am having surgery early next year and worried about losing my ability to orgasm. Since hormones and blockers this is already very difficult.

Take care

Love Jools x

Quote from: juliehope on December 13, 2016, 10:45:55 AM
Hi Jess

Love you girl !!!

How did we both end up becoming attracted to a man's member?

Wonderful that you are loving sex I am having surgery early next year and worried about losing my ability to orgasm. Since hormones and blockers this is already very difficult.

Take care

Love Jools x

I'm 2 months post op and I've teen trying to pleasure myself but I can't seem to climax... it's bothering me


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Quote from: jujubes1986 on December 18, 2016, 08:42:26 PM
I'm 2 months post op and I've teen trying to pleasure myself but I can't seem to climax... it's bothering me


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Keep at it girl!!!... I was able to climax at 4 weeks but it took a lot of work due to post op numbness on the surface... Digital manipulation worked much better than vibration which quickly numbed things up... I can climax now just about as easily I did with male anatomy

Onward we go!!!

Ashley 😀