So, since figuring out that I'm some flavour of trans guy earlier this year, I've been adding a few (mostly casual pieces) to my closet for clothing that I'm comfortable in. Now I'm facing both a move to another city (odds are good), and professional job, and it's time to deal with all the old female clothes. In the last two years, I've lost over 30 lbs, so there are clothes that don't fit, and then clothes from before that when I was really thin.
I've been checking out websites like this to help:
http://recoveringshopaholic.com/the-keep-or-purge-question/
But I've also really got to ask for myself... am I comfortable wearing this, rather than caring what gender it's supposed to be? Does it fit? Is it in good repair? Some stuff, like field clothes and gym stuff is 'unisex', but it's the office clothes and other stuff that get me. I think it's also a big shift mentally in saying goodbye to some of these things, and embracing what's ahead. I know I'll need to build my new wardrobe, and I'm excited about that, but money is tight.
Any tips from folks who've faced the closet purge?
I never really had to purge much after realising I was trans because even as a teenager/early 20-something I mostly dressed in male clothing. But about money being tight and getting some professional or more semi-formal clothes, personally I have found that a good place for cheap dress pants for me has been Walmart. Though for formal shirts I haven't found Walmart to be so great, I have really liked H&M for dress shirts and suit jackets. They have a pretty wide range of fits at H&M I find, and its not a particularly high price range in comparison to a place like Sears or Mark's Work Warehouse or something. I'd also keep an eye out for sales this time of year though. Holiday sales, boxing day sales etc. This time of year even places that are a bit more expensive like Mark's Work Warehouse will have sales on, even 50% off, buy one get one etc. So if you're gonna be buying that type of stuff this might be a good time in the next few weeks!
I guess it depends what you do for a profession as well. Most of the work I do is physical, so I personally find all I need in the way of "fancier" clothes is one or two dress shirts and a nice sweater or two for special occasions. But if you work in an office I guess it depends on what's the norm? Can you get away with polo shirts at your office or do you need mostly dress shirts? If the latter then yeah I'd hit up H&M for a couple shirts.
Quote from: Berserk on December 13, 2016, 11:02:30 AM
I never really had to purge much after realising I was trans because even as a teenager/early 20-something I mostly dressed in male clothing. But about money being tight and getting some professional or more semi-formal clothes, personally I have found that a good place for cheap dress pants for me has been Walmart. Though for formal shirts I haven't found Walmart to be so great, I have really liked H&M for dress shirts and suit jackets. They have a pretty wide range of fits at H&M I find, and its not a particularly high price range in comparison to a place like Sears or Mark's Work Warehouse or something. I'd also keep an eye out for sales this time of year though. Holiday sales, boxing day sales etc. This time of year even places that are a bit more expensive like Mark's Work Warehouse will have sales on, even 50% off, buy one get one etc. So if you're gonna be buying that type of stuff this might be a good time in the next few weeks!
I guess it depends what you do for a profession as well. Most of the work I do is physical, so I personally find all I need in the way of "fancier" clothes is one or two dress shirts and a nice sweater or two for special occasions. But if you work in an office I guess it depends on what's the norm? Can you get away with polo shirts at your office or do you need mostly dress shirts? If the latter then yeah I'd hit up H&M for a couple shirts.
Cheers for your tips! I'm mostly office-based in a government professional role, but will occasionally need to go on field visits, so I need to hang onto my field stuff. For the office, button-down shirts and jackets are probably good for a smart casual look. I've been checking out H&M and also thrift shops for new stuff. Great point about the sales.
But to make room for the new stuff, it's time to go through and sort the old stuff. Since I'm almost 40, I've got a whole wardrobe of women's office clothing in various sizes that needs to go and be sorted through. Now that's a giant pain in the.... :)
It's funny, thinking back, that a lot of clues were there for me about being trans since I was small. When I was under age 5, I was often in boy's / unisex clothing. I hated dresses and frilly things. As a teenager, I loved the grunge era and dressed like a proper grunge kid. Then through university and much of my 20s, I lived in field clothes: t-shirts and cargos. Then came museum/corporate jobs, and I had to dress up for them, and the expectation of course is that I would dress female. But I hated it, and I didn't know why. Back in my 20s when I'd interview for more formal stuff, I'd usually go for a more male presentation, plain button shirt and slacks, blazer. Nothing frilly.
But there was always the sense I was dressing up to play a part, you know? I never felt like a proper woman, or that I did a good job of acting or being one... because I wasn't. I only had that realisation this year, and it was so powerful. It's like the older I got, the more I tried to counter my subconscious, and the unhappier I became. I did discover fashion and style in my 30s, but overall much more drawn to menswear.
Oh boy, the big closet purge was one good day! My city has a really good 2nd hand store, and there are other thrift stores that can have some good finds. That was my main source, really. Also maybe check out stuff online. Because you're sitting in one spot, you can peruse many stores to look for awesome deals in a fraction of the time it would take you otherwise. If you see a store is having a good sale with affordable items that interest you, you can go and try stuff on, though some online stores can have really good return policies (like Amazon). I still prefer to try it on first. But that way you cut down on fruitless trips out. Plus, because you can browse so many clothes, you can get a broader sense of what styles you might like. You could also see if there are any coupons as well.
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Most of my clothing pre-transition was neutral, t-shirts and jeans, so I didnt purge much except the feminine clothes I was forced to wear that I didnt like at all to begin with, these ones I didnt miss getting rid of for good. However. I still have a soft spot for a few select pieces of clothes, even if they are feminine. For example, right now Im wearing a dark grey hoodie with pink drawstrings and I dont care (Im at home, though. Hehe)
When I started transition I started small since I was still forced to hide, finally buying clothes in the men's section after so long of liking the style of it much more, and realizing everything I looked for in the women's section often imitated male styles. I bought boy's (teen) boxers from target and a blue tshirt with a DC graphic logo on it from goodwill. Since then I've collected more whether its goodwill or through my gf since she traded me her old clothes she doesnt wear.
So my suggestion is goodwill or thrift shopping in general, you can actually find good, nice clothes there for cheap and build a wardrobe. I would also suggest hand-me-downs if you had a male friend or relative.
Thanks guys! I've been going through clothes the last couple of days, also hit with dealing with a moth invasion at the same time, so this is slowing me down as everything's getting dealt with. But it's time to to hit the closet itself now that I've gone through all the drawers of stuff.
Casual stuff has been pretty easy to deal with. I've been back to wearing men's t-shirts and jeans full-time for the last 6 months, mostly from thrift shops, H&M, and Winners/TJMaxx. Same deal with with workout and field stuff.
The trick is the work and more formal/nice stuff for work. The stuff I think I'm 'supposed to wear', but makes me uncomfortable, most of it. I've been slowly getting men's button down shirt to replace the women's stuff. Some of this will need to go up for consignment or something and see if I can get any money for them, to help make up for the money spent on new clothes. I think the hang up is not that I want to wear the old work clothes, but the cost of getting them in the first place.
Definitely feels good to start getting stuff out the door though!
I would just say wear the stuff you like and that doesn't stand out as being odd for you feel you look, if you care about that. I mean, I tend to keep something if it's comfortable for hanging round in the house in, but virtually none of it resembles women's anyway I guess, except a yutaka I have which is hella comfy and made of silk so that's not going anywhere lol. My coat is something I'm actually kind of attached to... it's like 10 years old nearly but it's too awesome to get rid of. I did buy it in a female section but it's neutral looking. I'm going to buy some new ones soon though as I think it's important to be able to feel 'new' as well. And I'm recognized for this coat, so... it might be a good idea to change it up sometimes.
I ditched most old stuff a long time ago but I found a bag full of clothes from 2009, most of it nondescript - you can tell I was still buying stuff from a female section out of habit and because the sizing system was familiar, but I was obviously trying to buy muted, neutral, dark or plain/masculine-looking. It's going in the trash or to the charity store I guess, some of it has never even been worn once. There are a few things in there I don't even know if its from a man's or woman's section - typical of me, if I like something I just buy it regardless of how weird it might seem, but my taste has always been pretty subdued anyway.
So I guess a purge of that old stuff is in order. Especially the holiday stuff. Eugh. Did I ever wear that? Actually I did. I remember how uncomfortable it is to wear half of these... things.
There's some coats in the closet that will probably have a layer of dust on them and they've gotta go because they're definitely not going to be worn again.
I swapped closets with a trans girl who was looking to get rid of her guy stuff. I must say though that I came out the better in that bargain, as she has terrific taste, and I ... well ... I did not.
Who had to replace shoes and gloves because of the size...?
I went up a shoe size last year inexplicably and now my damn gloves don't fit. It doesn't look like my hands or feet got bigger but stuff is staring not to fit. Maybe they're just getting broader, I dunno.
One thing I'd like to know, Hughie is will people at work care if you wear men's professional clothes instead of women's? Are you out of the closet at work?
I would have suggested to you what others already have- shopping at thrift shops. I also look for my favorite brands used on Ebay. I like certain brand names that I can't afford to buy new so I know what size I wear in each brand and buy them gently used on ebay. I'm a man that loves to shop.
Quote from: alienbodybuilder on December 21, 2016, 10:24:52 PM
One thing I'd like to know, Hughie is will people at work care if you wear men's professional clothes instead of women's? Are you out of the closet at work?
I would have suggested to you what others already have- shopping at thrift shops. I also look for my favorite brands used on Ebay. I like certain brand names that I can't afford to buy new so I know what size I wear in each brand and buy them gently used on ebay. I'm a man that loves to shop.
I'm not sure if they care about what I'll wear at work or not... I'm starting a new job in January for the government, so it's business/smart casual. I interviewed wearing a men's white shirt, black blazer and trousers, and they hired me. I haven't worked there before, but people know me in my profession. I'm not out as trans in my professional life, or to most friends at this point. I've been wearing more gender neutral / male clothes for a while, but I haven't had to do the official office thing for a couple of years, since my last job was more casual in field clothes. I cut my hair short in the summer and I've been steadily losing weight over the last couple years, so I look pretty different from how most people remember me.
I'm a bit nervous how to handle this all at work, especially as there are a couple people who I've worked with in the past who were friends I'd get together with from time to time, when I lived in this city a few years back. I've seen one of these friends lately, who is a lesbian, and I think she's getting lesbian vibes/or may be interested in me, to add to the mix (I'm interested in men). My only reservation about coming out to her is that doesn't seem to have too much of a filter in holding back stuff I've told her when she talks to other people. But she would also be a good link into the LGBT community and would have some insight maybe into how to handle my transition at work.
My plan, as much as I have one, is to come out to everyone after I'm through a six-month probationary period, and I'm permanently in the role. I am also debating whether asking to have my e-mail / contacts info changed to a more gender neutral version of my nickname that everyone knows me by, when I start in January... that will raise some eyebrows, though. But the more time passes, the more the female pronouns, female references etc are making me crazy.
@WorkingonThomas LOL! Good job!
Quote from: Hughie on December 22, 2016, 12:32:37 AM
I'm not sure if they care about what I'll wear at work or not... I'm starting a new job in January for the government, so it's business/smart casual. I interviewed wearing a men's white shirt, black blazer and trousers, and they hired me. I haven't worked there before, but people know me in my profession. I'm not out as trans in my professional life, or to most friends at this point. I've been wearing more gender neutral / male clothes for a while, but I haven't had to do the official office thing for a couple of years, since my last job was more casual in field clothes. I cut my hair short in the summer and I've been steadily losing weight over the last couple years, so I look pretty different from how most people remember me.
I'm a bit nervous how to handle this all at work, especially as there are a couple people who I've worked with in the past who were friends I'd get together with from time to time, when I lived in this city a few years back. I've seen one of these friends lately, who is a lesbian, and I think she's getting lesbian vibes/or may be interested in me, to add to the mix (I'm interested in men). My only reservation about coming out to her is that doesn't seem to have too much of a filter in holding back stuff I've told her when she talks to other people. But she would also be a good link into the LGBT community and would have some insight maybe into how to handle my transition at work.
My plan, as much as I have one, is to come out to everyone after I'm through a six-month probationary period, and I'm permanently in the role. I am also debating whether asking to have my e-mail / contacts info changed to a more gender neutral version of my nickname that everyone knows me by, when I start in January... that will raise some eyebrows, though. But the more time passes, the more the female pronouns, female references etc are making me crazy.
I know what it's like to be mistaken for a lesbian because I'm also a gay man and have been mistaken for a lesbian many times I'm sure.
Quote from: alienbodybuilder on December 22, 2016, 05:36:09 PM
I know what it's like to be mistaken for a lesbian because I'm also a gay man and have been mistaken for a lesbian many times I'm sure.
Me too.
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LOL. Right now the fact that most ppl see me as a butch lesbian keeps alot of the questions at bay.
Quote from: patrick1967 on December 22, 2016, 09:04:49 PM
LOL. Right now the fact that most ppl see me as a butch lesbian keeps alot of the questions at bay.
I can see that. It's a bit harder when you like guys. ;)
One of my closest friends is a butch lesbian. She was the first person I really came out to and she hooked me up with a trans friendly GP.
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I'm guessing that the assumption at work so far, and with my friend, is that I'm some kind of lesbian lol.
But yeah, I'm a gay dude, so this is a problem. :) I suppose I'll just have to go with this for the next six months or so at work, till summer.
I think people generally assume that gender non-conforming feminine bodied folks are lesbians. I know that people assumed that 20 plus years ago when I was a teen and it confused the heck out of me when I was trying to figure myself out.
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Quote from: arice on December 22, 2016, 10:21:08 PM
I think people generally assume that gender non-conforming feminine bodied folks are lesbians. I know that people assumed that 20 plus years ago when I was a teen and it confused the heck out of me when I was trying to figure myself out.
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Yeah, my family had a secret theory for a very long time that I was a lesbian, because I was gender non-conforming. I had long hair, but I was a tomboy / grunge in my teens and 20s, then I tried to play proper female in my 30s, but it never felt convincing to me... which is why I have all these very female office clothes. But I'm definitely not attracted to women, always to men. I only figured it out at last in my late 30s that I'm trans. My dating life has been a disaster the last few years, but that's another story.
Quote from: Hughie on December 22, 2016, 10:49:47 PM
Yeah, my family had a secret theory for a very long time that I was a lesbian, because I was gender non-conforming. I had long hair, but I was a tomboy / grunge in my teens and 20s, then I tried to play proper female in my 30s, but it never felt convincing to me... which is why I have all these very female office clothes. But I'm definitely not attracted to women, always to men. I only figured it out at last in my late 30s that I'm trans. My dating life has been a disaster the last few years, but that's another story.
I had pretty much figured out that I was a gay guy trapped in a female body in my late teens... I just didn't think there was anything I could do about it (I love my family but they definitely contributed to that attitude) so I decided I better just suck it up and keep passing as a straight chick... not that I was terribly convincing at it... I was also pretty open about the fact that I was a "guy who happened to be female". Seriously I have no idea how anyone who knows me can claim to be surprised...
I was also very grunge back in the day... and never really outgrew it.
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I used to joke about the "gay guy in my head" Glad to hear I am not the only one using the phrase
Quote from: arice on December 22, 2016, 10:56:06 PM
I had pretty much figured out that I was a gay guy trapped in a female body in my late teens... I just didn't think there was anything I could do about it (I love my family but they definitely contributed to that attitude) so I decided I better just suck it up and keep passing as a straight chick... not that I was terribly convincing at it... I was also pretty open about the fact that I was a "guy who happened to be female". Seriously I have no idea how anyone who knows me can claim to be surprised...
I was also very grunge back in the day... and never really outgrew it.
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I've written fiction for many years, usually with gay male characters. It only clicked recently that it was because I understood and identified that way. My subconscious was way more with it than me.
I also felt like I was pretty lame as generally passing as a chick, not behaving how I 'should', not that I particularly cared too. Going family theory since I was a kid was that I was some kind of eccentric.
I'm still pretty grunge too, lol. Except I have to clean up for work.
Quote from: patrick1967 on December 23, 2016, 02:12:31 PM
I used to joke about the "gay guy in my head" Glad to hear I am not the only one using the phrase
I often told jokes that I was a male in a woman's body, but I don't know if anyone I told took it seriously or not. I even used to assume that all women hated being female and secretly wanted to be men.
Quote from: alienbodybuilder on December 24, 2016, 03:43:10 AM
I often told jokes that I was a male in a woman's body, but I don't know if anyone I told took it seriously or not. I even used to assume that all women hated being female and secretly wanted to be men.
I wasn't even joking when I told people that. Other people even called me on it. Yet, no one ever said "I think you might be transgender"... I think it was so far off most people's radar until recently that it never occurs to most people.
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I can't give much advice on transitioning your clothing because even pre T I was always a masculine, butch lesbian and had been wearing men's clothes exclusively for 14 years or so. But I want to throw in Target as a place to shop. And places like Marshall's, TJ Maxx, Ross etc. These may be regional and geographical depending on where you live though.
Have you ever walked by a mannequin in a store window, usually a menswear one, that had on a outfit that made you think, this has to be marketed to gay guys? The great thing about today's men's fashion is skinny and slim pants are in, form fitting blazers, V necklines, form fitting shoes, etc. You can blur those lines easily. Look at high profile athletes such as Can Newton, Russell Westbrook, and Odell Beckham Jr. I am very into men's fashion. I have a budget and I bargain shop. Secondhand, thrift you name it. I'm very masculine but I rock tightish pants and form fitting shirts to show off my muscular frame. When its warm I wear an ankle length pant with no socks. In the winter cable knit, cowl neck sweaters. That sort of thing. But if you shop smart you can achieve a unisex, gender neutral style. Use that to transition your wardrobe.
Quote from: CMD042414 on December 24, 2016, 09:07:31 PM
I can't give much advice on transitioning your clothing because even pre T I was always a masculine, butch lesbian and had been wearing men's clothes exclusively for 14 years or so. But I want to throw in Target as a place to shop. And places like Marshall's, TJ Maxx, Ross etc. These may be regional and geographical depending on where you live though.
Have you ever walked by a mannequin in a store window, usually a menswear one, that had on a outfit that made you think, this has to be marketed to gay guys? The great thing about today's men's fashion is skinny and slim pants are in, form fitting blazers, V necklines, form fitting shoes, etc. You can blur those lines easily. Look at high profile athletes such as Can Newton, Russell Westbrook, and Odell Beckham Jr. I am very into men's fashion. I have a budget and I bargain shop. Secondhand, thrift you name it. I'm very masculine but I rock tightish pants and form fitting shirts to show off my muscular frame. When its warm I wear an ankle length pant with no socks. In the winter cable knit, cowl neck sweaters. That sort of thing. But if you shop smart you can achieve a unisex, gender neutral style. Use that to transition your wardrobe.
Do you think the V necks are feminine or less masculine than crew necks or collars?
Quote from: alienbodybuilder on December 24, 2016, 09:37:18 PM
Do you think the V necks are feminine or less masculine than crew necks or collars?
I think traditionally they are. A v-neck, especially a deep one, is associated with femininity and particularly, effeminate gay men. But the metrosexual/hipster and even muscle guy fashion trends in menswear have brought them over to the "manly" side. Even though among cis guys the styles I just mentioned are considered not macho at all. But you know how that nonsense goes.
I personally hate a v neck tee on me. Loathe them. And I can't tell if it's because I think it looks effeminate or not. I also associate them more with gay men and I am straight so maybe that's it. I wear v neck sweaters but only over top of a button down shirt. I have good muscle tone but I'm not defined because I love cake. If I were defined I'd probably live in v neck tees.
Quote from: Hughie on December 22, 2016, 10:49:47 PM
Yeah, my family had a secret theory for a very long time that I was a lesbian
Same here, but then I did have several lesbian friends they knew about, suppose I didn't do much to dispel that idea. I could never abide the term lesbian being applied to me, though. I don't even like the sound of the word, to have it applied to me used to make me angry.
One thing I did do was avoid dressing like those lesbians, though. Looking back on it, I dressed so neutral people didn't really know what to think of me. I don't think I've ever been called a lesbian by the way I dress. Which is odd, because the last time I wore a dress I was a kid. Suppose things like suit jackets and a lot of black sweaters and stuff don't make people think much of anything. Sometimes I did actually wear things that hugged my figure provided they were dark. I think I must have confused many people.