So you get all ready to go out. Get in your car, drive to _________ and sit there. Finally you go in.
What tricks do you do to get the nerve up to get out of the car?
I guess no tricks for me. I just go for it. I've found that people just don't care as much as you fear. They are more likely to be attuned to your apprehension than your look. Just put your head up and light up the room and most tend to be quite receptive.
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Good question. I've been through the cvs drive through. Getting out of the car ? Baby steps
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As many know, I am still in the infancy of my female side coming out, and so is my wife. But on Friday, she had a Dr's appt to go to, and that was the 1st day I walked outside in an item of women's clothing (that wasn't panties or a bra concealed by pants/shirt). I wore a pair of pants we got a few weeks ago. They are boot cut, butt/thigh grabbing, make me feel good (and look good on me too :D) pants! My wife had minor concerns if anyone would notice or say anything, and my reply was, "Well, if they notice, the likelihood of anyone saying anything is small. If someone does say something, I will admit they are, and ask if they like what they see, or why they're checking me out." No one said anything (not even the kids, and I have some other more feminine ones with rhinestones on them I've worn around the house).
That being said, I have no idea what it would be like to dress 100%, unless I'm in more of a neutral outfit (I have very masculine features that would give me away). It would be much easier if I were accompanied by my wife (like I just was) and going somewhere that has open-minded people there (which isn't too difficult in our area).
"Go in"? Are you crazy? Actually I did do it once. I went to a support meeting and knew I would meet another of this group there. I had committed to doing it before hand and therefore I had no option not to go in. I parked , got out, and walked the few blocks to the meeting. Had I not been going to meet Tessa and to a trans-women support meeting I may have had more trouble doing it.
Hugs,
Jeanette
Initially when i had this sort of feeling (and subsequently when i would do "firsts", like first time with full makeup or first time with a dress on etc. ) the thing that helped me is that i sort of copped an attitude like;
" I enjoy messing with people and challenging their preconceived notions on gender, so bring it on"
That helped a lot. Later i became more comfortable and was blending in more, i still wanted to sort of mess with people :) The truth is though most people do not care what you wear.
Sometimes you just have to push yourself. I've struggled with using the female bathroom dor a long time and in order to kick my ass I drove an hour in my car while drinking lots of water. After a while I just had to go and pee and there was no way I could walk into a men's room the way I presented so I did my very first visit and used the women's bathroom inside a shopping mall. I didn't get yelled at and I didn't get beaten up. I didn't even get a second glance because let's face it, most people don't really care about others around them so we generally make a big fuss out of every little steep forward but nobody really gives a sh.... ;-)
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There are places I still get butterflies dealing with. I went to a dealership where I had gotten parts many a time. I figured I might see someone who recognized me from before (but didn't.) I just say to myself, "Self, you are spending the rest of your life (metaphorically) in a dress, you better get over it." Besides, I spent much of my life in fear, I refuse to let it bully me any longer. Fear is the enemy! Don't give it satisfaction, walk right over it on the way through that door.
Moni
I never said it was easy!
I've done it often enough now (weekly support meetings for several months) that I don't worry about it. Just do it. I make sure I have my purse over my shoulder, that my coat is zipped or buttoned suitably for the weather, I do a quick check around that no bad guys are about to grab me, then I open the door and go.
I keep an eye on people's reactions as I walk. I get the odd look, but mostly people ignore me. I have to assume that I look rather unremarkable on first glance. I'm just a lady in her early sixties walking somewhere.
I have a funny story about this Sunday. I cross dressed for a road bike ride from my house to a nearby town and return. I felt Ok about going out because I wouldn't give anybody time to really see me when I'm on the bike, plus odds of anybody recognizing me were slim. I did worry a bit about riding through the neighborhood though.
But my sneaky plan was foiled because I forgot to bring any water. It's an 800 vertical foot climb back home over about 5 miles, and I really needed some water.
So I stopped in to a Safeway (large grocery store), figuring they'd have a self checkout and I wouldn't have to face anybody.
Wrong! Well between my options, I had to face the music.
I waited in line without incident, then got to the checker. She looked me in the face to greet me, in my helmet over a wig, no makeup, tight cycling jersey over my B-cups. Bless her young, pretty heart, she tried to squelch her smile, but couldn't erase it. I gave her my best conspiratorial smile, then we continued the transaction. Wish I'd had the presence of mind to say something, but I'm just glad I could smile and not act offended.
So there! No damage, and I got a story out of it.
Randy
Hi Randi,
I liked the story and the happy ending. Almost reminds me of driving en femme on a trip and pulling into a self serve gas station. I get out of the car in a short black lace bubble hem party dress and sandals with others around and pumped my gas only to discover I had to pay at the cashier instead of at the pump. I went up to the booth and there were 2 guys inside. They took my money w/o saying a word to me and off I went. I never did that again.
Hugs,
Jeanette
This is probably lame and not really helpful, but I found the best way for me is to not sit in the car. In other words, I have to avoid thinking about it and just do it. I have the hardest time going into new places/situations when I think about it too much. My mind starts thinking of all the things that could go wrong and I build up a bunch of anxiety. So what I've tried to do (and I realize this is easier said than done) is just forget about what I'm wearing or how I look and if I need to go somewhere just go there and do what I need to. I don't set out specifically to push the envelope, but I do make it a point not to put off going somewhere just because I'm presenting female. That's worked well for me so far. I can't say I really have a particular place that I am having trouble going into as a woman right now.
This weekend will be a big milestone for me, I'll be getting my first mani/pedi, I'll be traveling on a plane as a female for the first time, and I'll be getting my first ever makeover.
The dude I carpool with is pretty chill and he's already used to my hair. Ladies Levi's boot cut jeans, light covering makeup, and neutral nail polish, nobody let on if they noticed. I act like I own it and have a good day driving the bus. The kids are tougher to please, but I'm good at generic Q&A with them.
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I don't have a car so I take the bus. Problem solved. No hiding once you're on the number 37 to Transtown, you just buy your ticket and enjoy the journey. I've never had a bad reaction yet, most people don't even notice me.
Some days are easy in my mind, others not so. But isn't that the same for every human being on the planet? It's just life.
I sat in my car inside my garage and decided what the heck, I'll just make a quick trip down the road and back, but as I drove and nothing happened I got more daring. To make a long story short, I drove thru a mid sized city without any problems even stopping at an almost deserted park where I got out for a short time (huge confidence builder). My heart rate returned to normal hours later. Go for it and Enjoy. Rae anne
These are all great... Keep going... How do you get up the courage to walk out of the house?
For my most recent adventure I drove to to park with my wife and 9 year old son, they both got out for a walk and I stayed put in the car. Maybe next time I can just take the first step. It was really nice that my wife and son were not the least worried about being seen with me in public. ...Funny thing is that I get called Mam sometimes while in my guy clothes. I just need to take the first step.
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I need to get in the car first then maybe I will be able to answer this question! I have driven around underdressed before but by far that is all I have gotten the nerve up to do. I hope to one day go out as my true self but when and where I have no idea. In the mean time it is good to read all your responses here!
Quote from: Denise on March 21, 2017, 07:39:29 AM
These are all great... Keep going... How do you get up the courage to walk out of the house?
It will be different for everyone as everyone's life experience and personality is unique. I initially had too much baggage to fit through the door so chose to leave certain things behind until I could fit.
I started with just painted nails, and soon realised I wasn't going to be chased out of town by a pitch fork wielding angry mob. I then started to wear full daytime makeup, nice and soft. Eventually I just weathered into the landscape of my community. All a bit normal and boring really, but initially very scary.
The big issues for me now are public toilets and women's changing rooms, as I don't fully pass yet. So you walk through one door and get presented with others to challenge you, but bit by bit you carve out a life for yourself.
..,I didn't do it to get a rise out of people; I didn't do it to start a trend; I didn't do it to be cool; I did it because I'm real, and I'm living my truth.
Personally, I posted here the first time I was leaving the house. It was nice to check in throughout the day to see the supportive messages.
I would also say that you should remember this quote I've often heard attributed to Eleanor Roosevelt: "You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do."
Check hair and makeup, phone and stuff in my bag, knees together, of I go. :)
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My first times out (in the fall of 2015 can you believe it?) were wearing women's super skinny jeans under a loose male T shirt, going to fast food. First a drive through, then a sit down. Nothing bad happened. I quickly went to wearing women's skinny and super skinny jeans all the time, and carrying a Coach man bag, and no one noticed.
I went to the mall shopping all the time with my wife, me wearing women's skinny jeans under a t shirt or sweat shirt, and no one noticed. I always wore women's sneakers or slip ons also.
My first time in full dress head to foot was going to my first therapy appointment, and then after that, I always went to weekly support group in full dress. Skinny jeans and cute blouses at first. Sandals with nail polish on my toes, and carrying a female purse. I am starting to add dresses and skirts in the mix now that my hair is growing out and I am mostly through facial hair removal.
My support group goes out to dinner each week after the meeting, and we go to restaurants where the management is known to be friendly and tolerant. The workers who know us there always greet us with a smile, and they ask if we skip their place for a week and go to a different one.
My first few dinners out I was a bit nervous, but I got better and better at navigating the world in full dress without being self conscious.
Recently, after coming out to my dentist, I had to drive to another office half an hour away for a root canal. I made the drive and the office visit in skinny jeans and a tight little women's scoop neck T shirt over a lightly padded bra with "the girls" clearly visible. Nothing happened other than an older man in the waiting room kept sneaking looks at me. I don't know whether he thought I was hot or didn't know how to gender me.
In the early days I carried a "punk out shirt," an oversize men's t shirt to hide in if anything happened -- but nothing ever did. Now I don't bother. But I do carry a men's long sleeve t shirt and work gloves in case I need to change a tire. And if I wear heels, i carry a pair of slip on flats or womens sneakers just in case. But after all, just about every girl does that.
Denise, you look really good.
When I first went outside I wore sunglasses. For me they really helped. Work was tough, I am in the public eye and had real apprehension. Just changing my ID the day I came out made me very self conscious. As the days passed so did the apprehension.
I've only recently went to a store down the road wearing a womens shirt with a large male button shirt to get a few things. The shirt wasn't terribly visible but I didn't sit there and think and mull over it. It was just a normal trip to the store.
Now if I was in a more feminine outfit, it may have been different. I don't want to dress *too feminine* and go somewhere in this town because that may not end well. What I do hope to do at some point is to dress up to an appointment with the therapist me and my gf are looking at getting setup with. Its a 2.5 hour drive one way so its not likely to trigger any locals.
I'd just do it. Why? Because I can and I will. I always repeat that when I am nervous.
I never had a problem getting out of the car or the house,i've driven an 18 wheeler dressed before...the only thing you have to fear is fear itself.
Quote from: cheryl reeves on March 21, 2017, 11:42:32 PM
I never had a problem getting out of the car or the house,i've driven an 18 wheeler dressed before...the only thing you have to fear is fear itself.
I drive OTR too, and the last company I drove for I met an MTF that worked there. She said that she never had any issues (I overheard someone making a comment about her but I didn't know at the time she worked there and they were talking about her, on premises, not too quietly). I have talked with 2 other MTF women in my travels that also drive, and it helped ease my thoughts as I pondered if it would be problematic for myself. And yes, fear is our own worst enemy, no matter what we do as a person
Quote from: Scorpio2Scorpia on March 22, 2017, 10:56:28 AM
I drive OTR too, and the last company I drove for I met an MTF that worked there. She said that she never had any issues (I overheard someone making a comment about her but I didn't know at the time she worked there and they were talking about her, on premises, not too quietly). I have talked with 2 other MTF women in my travels that also drive, and it helped ease my thoughts as I pondered if it would be problematic for myself. And yes, fear is our own worst enemy, no matter what we do as a person
I only met one mtg while driving and she was being hassled at a truck stop,she was a otr driver and was working to pay for her operations and hormones,I jumped those other drivers asses over this and they tried to have a comeback but in the end they were shamed,they picked the wrong argument with the wrong driver and I buried them in that 15 min conversation. She followed me out and asked why did I defend her and I told her I was a crossdresser and we have rights to exist,besides she chose to drive truck instead of the Las Vegas sex trade.,like so many did back in the day or working the French Quarter in the New Orleans.
The fun time was coming back from a group meeting and got pulled over by a county deputy and he asked for drivers license and insurance,I handed him my drivers license and he freaked for he saw to women and one had a male drivers license, we sat there for 30 mins while he was talking dispatch Anne the other deputies about"You won't believe this",me and my wife was laughing about his reaction and what he was doing. Don't get me wrong I was nervous my first time out but I had my wife for support.
Quote from: cheryl reeves on March 23, 2017, 04:04:59 PM
The fun time was coming back from a group meeting and got pulled over by a county deputy and he asked for drivers license and insurance,
Hi Cheryl,
You aren't the only one that has been pulled over. I was out enfemme late one night in a strange city in the SF bay area when I made an uncertain lane change in sight of a city cop. Sure enough the lights came on. I showed him license and registration which he checked. when asked I told him I liked to crossdress and just out for a ride. Then he asked if I was really out looking to party. I told him no and that was about it. He didn't even bat an eye. but then it was in the Bay area.
Hugs,
Jeanette
Quote from: Vincent J on March 21, 2017, 10:45:11 PM
I'd just do it. Why? Because I can and I will. I always repeat that when I am nervous.
Vincent and Cheryl, your comments hit a cord with me.
If I have trouble/nerves doing something, I do it again.
Fear. That's the enemy. Don't let it rule your life.
Quote from: Denise on March 23, 2017, 06:22:18 PM
Vincent and Cheryl, your comments hit a cord with me.
If I have trouble/nerves doing something, I do it again.
Fear. That's the enemy. Don't let it rule your life.
Exactly. We can always beat fear by facing it instead of running away