How do you cope with violence against the transgender community. It does botherr me more and more
, but you need to live.
In the last week, I have come out publicly and received feedback from dozens of people. All of it has been positive. Perhaps that has skewed my viewpoint. When I read about the violence against trans people, I cry. Then I thank my lucky stars that it is 2017 and that I live where I do.
For me - it really has not. I just make sure i am safety conscious. If i was running around in the middle of the night a lot and going to more clubs and parties etc i would have to turn that up a notch i think, but we all have to go about our lives or the idiots win.
I cope with it because violence is a sad fact of life. You don't have to be trans to be attacked and/or killed. I knew people who were cut short of life for "less". There will never be 100% safety in the world for anyone. It could be a lot better, of course... but for now one just has to watch one's back and be mindful - or to some extent distrustful of others.
It doesn't affect my transition. I don't trust people. Some may eventually find themselves in the "inner circle" in which I would trust them with some things, but I never forget the capacity of anybody to inflict violence. I grew up around it, seen it, experienced it etc. Even the most unassuming people are perfectly capable of it. So, I'll continue doing what I am doing, but with a sharper eye trained on others, and I'll maintain my distance from most. Which are two of the reasons I'm still alive today to type this. . . for reasons completely unrelated to the topic, but completely related to how insidious human beings can be.
I refuse to live my life in fear.Although it never hurts to be prepared.Concealed carry and good self deffence training is something one should consider.Just like everyone should.
Quote from: stephaniec on April 24, 2017, 03:22:06 PM
How do you cope with violence against the transgender community.
Karate.
Just the other day I asked my friend to get something out of my coat pocket where my coat was hanging up and he expressed surprise at the various defensive implements that're always in there. Well you can't be too careful, can you.
Everyone is effected by violence, it's just that we are a minority group that you hear more about it when a trans person is effected.
Some trans people are also perpetrators of violence.
I don't think it makes much difference to me as it's quite safe where I live, but I've stopped travelling to or via via certain countries and probably won't visit the USA again.
Good idea, AnonyMs. At least for now. And, for sure, not in the south.
Its hard to deny its a genuine threat when Evangelical leaders in this country are calling for people to talk up arms and shoot transgender people using the bathroom.
Religious Freedom, and Stand Your Ground laws are only making things worse in a lot of places. Everyone should be vigilante about putting themselves in high risk situations.
Sent from my SM-G935V using Tapatalk
Quote from: AnonyMs on April 25, 2017, 04:39:02 AM
I don't think it makes much difference to me as it's quite safe where I live, but I've stopped travelling to or via via certain countries and probably won't visit the USA again.
My wife and I have an RV trip planned from Canada through Montana, Wyoming and a bit of Idaho to see Yellowstone and Grand Teton. My wife is concerned and wants to cancel, I'm honestly torn. Beyond the fears of outward discrimination and possible violence she believe we just shouldn't be spending money in a country that is clearly trying to destroy our rights. Tough decision since it's a beautiful part of the country.
It hasn't really. One of my hobbies/interests is personal preparedness (for emergencies, disasters, significant deviations from the norm, etc.), and part of that is acknowledging and understanding that I might potentially be a target for violence if the wrong person finds out that I am trans. So I treat it like any other thing I prepare for and divide it into two parts - mitigation and response.
In terms of mitigating the threat of violence - I do my best to blend in. I make deliberate choices about the places I go and the activities I engage in. I don't share too much about my life with new people until I've had a chance to get to know them.
In terms of response - I have received great training in armed and unarmed self defense through my previous job. I have a concealed carry permit that is valid in every state I travel to regularly, and I am typically armed in public. I am very comfortable responding to violence with violence that has greater stopping power.
But the fact is, like Kylo said, anybody anywhere anyday could be a victim of violence. I would still act the exact same way if I weren't trans. I don't think it's over the top or paranoid, or that it reduces my quality of life. I actually think a lot of the violence in the world could be avoided if more people felt the same way or were at least more safety conscious.
Quote from: Raell on April 25, 2017, 05:05:20 AM
Good idea, AnonyMs. At least for now. And, for sure, not in the south.
Also, I live in the south and have never once felt uncomfortable at any stage of my transition in public. Don't be so quick to generalize.
I have definitely been much more aware of it.... I honestly am more afraid for my families possible pain than my own.
I do live in a relatively accepting place, being a capital city of a blue state helps, and I have family in the SF/Bay Area so that also helps. I am surrounded by people who accept that people should just do what makes them happy, even if they do not understand the reasons. (many don't think it is their business to know the reasons you do what makes you happy)
It does make me afraid to visit my hubby's family in the future... they live in the bible belt and it was awkward enough before I came out (I am not out to them yet) I am afraid to go visit them in their little town before I make any serious changes to my body... They live in a VERY small town and I don't think it would go over well if I didn't look completely cis and could be perceived as cis...
I believe that town would handle a 'gay' couple (we identify as both sexually queer people) much easier than a trans person. Being gay is something they can understand...
It has much to do with it really. Too bad people can't just worry about themselves and not what others are doing. Why can't they open their eyes and view everyone as human beings I am so afraid I will be accosted. My former self would have responded to the jeers. But I am learning.
It has had no affect on my transition here in the middle of Missouri. Everyone is armed, including trans* people, so we are all even here. >:-)
But, seriously, I have never experienced violence as a result of my transition, nor witnessed any on any other trans*. I consider myself fortunate.
Quote from: staciM on April 25, 2017, 11:29:47 AM
My wife and I have an RV trip planned from Canada through Montana, Wyoming and a bit of Idaho to see Yellowstone and Grand Teton. My wife is concerned and wants to cancel, I'm honestly torn. Beyond the fears of outward discrimination and possible violence she believe we just shouldn't be spending money in a country that is clearly trying to destroy our rights. Tough decision since it's a beautiful part of the country.
That's a good point. A year ago at this time, I was planning to travel to the US to see the eclipse in August. Since then, I have decided not to go because of the possibility of violence or harassment in that country.
Quote from: FTMax on April 25, 2017, 11:34:25 AM
In terms of response - I have received great training in armed and unarmed self defense through my previous job. I have a concealed carry permit that is valid in every state I travel to regularly, and I am typically armed in public. I am very comfortable responding to violence with violence that has greater stopping power.
I might do the same if I lived there, but as an Australian that kind of thing really puts me off visiting the USA. How bad is it that you need to live like that? Sounds like a war zone.
I do worry about it and it does effect me at times. That said, that's based mostly on my own uber mode of keeping me safe. I have not seen any negative reactions to me when being myself. When I go to the grocery store guys stare at my boobs (they are little, but cute and perky!) and the female cashiers often remark on how pretty my nail polish is. My empathy goes out to the people living in the middle east where the entire LGBTQ community is literately thrown off rooftops to their deaths.
As far as my transition here in the USA, I feel safe. But, it's always a good standard to follow basic safety rules. Know where you are, and the people who are around you, and if u must, adjust accordingly.
Quote from: AnonyMs on April 25, 2017, 08:46:12 PM
I might do the same if I lived there, but as an Australian that kind of thing really puts me off visiting the USA. How bad is it that you need to live like that? Sounds like a war zone.
Really not as bad as a war zone. I've a lot of friends and relatives in the USA but if I tally up the number of incidents, deaths, shootings, stabbings etc. I heard about from people I know, it's actually even with what I hear from the UK. We have ridiculously strict gun control in the UK, yet there's been more incidents on my family's street in the city they live in involving guns and people being shot at in their cars than with my friends on theirs who live in LA, St. Petersburg FL, Macon or Seattle. There's more incidents in general in the US per capita, but in terms of experience, it's as if there are more gun-related incidents I hear about over here... only people are not allowed to protect themselves.
I see it the same way as Jane Emily: Karate aka Martial Arts, but to add. Mind you, as transgender individuals, not everybody is understanding of us, so below is my mental checklist I go through everyday(i.e. After awhile you can go through your mental checklist in 5 seconds or less):
Situational Awarenss: Know your surroundings(Area of Operation) and what your getting yourself into, environmentally wise, with loved ones, friends, neighborhood, strangers. AND KNOW YOURSELF(i.e. Your internal awareness): What is your present physical/mental state?, Are you up to it? What are your preparations?
Mission: What is my mission for the day, to just get some sun at the park, to go coffee/breakfast socializing with friends/loved ones, grocery shopping, clothes, car parts, kitchen appliances shopping. All require different avenues of perception and interaction with your environment.
Exit Plan: What are you thought out plans if things get bad for you and how will you evade and escape? Ingress and Egress points?, your physical conditioning to sprint, run, tackle.
Last Dance Protocol: What will you do if your stuck in a situation where your physically accosted with fists, knives or a gun? Do you have a plan and how will you react? Your combatives/martial arts skills.
I think about this daily since I live in the rougher parts of South L.A.
Quote from: Kylo on April 26, 2017, 07:13:20 AM
Really not as bad as a war zone. I've a lot of friends and relatives in the USA but if I tally up the number of incidents, deaths, shootings, stabbings etc. I heard about from people I know, it's actually even with what I hear from the UK. We have ridiculously strict gun control in the UK, yet there's been more incidents on my family's street in the city they live in involving guns and people being shot at in their cars than with my friends on theirs who live in LA, St. Petersburg FL, Macon or Seattle. There's more incidents in general in the US per capita, but in terms of experience, it's as if there are more gun-related incidents I hear about over here... only people are not allowed to protect themselves.
I live in the U.K. and there has been two stabbings right outside my front gate and they arrested a serial killer at the end of the street. I live in a deprived area, but I still don't feel more of a target than anyone else. You've just got to be street wise.
Thankfully we don't have all the right wing fundamental religious groups like in the U.S. That must be really tough to deal with and I feel for all those effected. The Liberal party leader has just taken an evangelical anti gay stance in the upcoming elections so I guess it's on its way here too :(
Peace and love and all that good stuff
Sadie
This is my backyard:
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fconflag.com%2Fimages%2Fmyby.JPG&hash=2e7ca0e9192c6aff7031bf515164c18427890536)
I could not live further out in the back woods, country, bush, whatever you want to call it. But when I need help, like when my truck got stuck in the mud on my property, I go to my neighbor (1.5 miles down the road) and he will come pull me out and say NOTHING about me, nor about my wife and I being a same sex couple. And he is as country as they come in America. I think there are some serious misconceptions about the way Americans treat one another. I am in a conservative state, and never receive, nor face transphobia, let alone violence. Not saying it doesn't happen, but it is not to the level that someone from a gun free country should abstain from traveling here. I mean, seriously. Guns ARE part of American culture. My 73 year old mother has a conceal and carry permit and carries a handgun in her purse everywhere she goes. She is not a nut job and crazy old codger. She is just your typical American that is not to be messed with. ;)
Perception is reality for most people. If all you see on the news is a violent America, then that is probably what you believe. I like to think a little bit deepr than what the web or news shows present me for what I determine to be reality. Food for thought...
I better cross the UK off my list as well then. It's all very different to where I live. Sydney is quite nice, and I live in a good area. Theres few places I feel like visiting these days, it's like the world is going crazy. Maybe I'm just getting old.
Thailand is appealing.
Quote from: SonadoraXVX on April 26, 2017, 07:31:30 AM
Exit Plan: What are you thought out plans if things get bad for you and how will you evade and escape? Ingress and Egress points?
I always leave a couple of car lengths in front of me at the stop light when I'm driving. Started doing that after I got pinned in front and rear many years ago in very tough part of Denver. They were just messing with me and let me out after a couple of minutes but lesson learned.
I am very familiar with your area and that is wise advice for everyone there, trans has little to do with it. I now live in a small town in the bible belt and the reality is that I had far more to worry about there than I could possibly here.
Quote from: SonadoraXVX on April 26, 2017, 07:31:30 AM
I see it the same way as Jane Emily: Karate aka Martial Arts, but to add. Mind you, as transgender individuals, not everybody is understanding of us, so below is my mental checklist I go through everyday(i.e. After awhile you can go through your mental checklist in 5 seconds or less):
Situational Awarenss: Know your surroundings(Area of Operation) and what your getting yourself into, environmentally wise, with loved ones, friends, neighborhood, strangers. AND KNOW YOURSELF(i.e. Your internal awareness): What is your present physical/mental state?, Are you up to it? What are your preparations?
Mission: What is my mission for the day, to just get some sun at the park, to go coffee/breakfast socializing with friends/loved ones, grocery shopping, clothes, car parts, kitchen appliances shopping. All require different avenues of perception and interaction with your environment.
Exit Plan: What are you thought out plans if things get bad for you and how will you evade and escape? Ingress and Egress points?, your physical conditioning to sprint, run, tackle.
Last Dance Protocol: What will you do if your stuck in a situation where your physically accosted with fists, knives or a gun? Do you have a plan and how will you react? Your combatives/martial arts skills.
I think about this daily since I live in the rougher parts of South L.A.
Very well said Ainsley. Quite true and based in reality. Thank you for this.
Quote from: ainsley on April 26, 2017, 08:03:11 AM
This is my backyard:
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fconflag.com%2Fimages%2Fmyby.JPG&hash=2e7ca0e9192c6aff7031bf515164c18427890536)
I could not live further out in the back woods, country, bush, whatever you want to call it. But when I need help, like when my truck got stuck in the mud on my property, I go to my neighbor (1.5 miles down the road) and he will come pull me out and say NOTHING about me, nor about my wife and I being a same sex couple. And he is as country as they come in America. I think there are some serious misconceptions about the way Americans treat one another. I am in a conservative state, and never receive, nor face transphobia, let alone violence. Not saying it doesn't happen, but it is not to the level that someone from a gun free country should abstain from traveling here. I mean, seriously. Guns ARE part of American culture. My 73 year old mother has a conceal and carry permit and carries a handgun in her purse everywhere she goes. She is not a nut job and crazy old codger. She is just your typical American that is not to be messed with. ;)
Perception is reality for most people. If all you see on the news is a violent America, then that is probably what you believe. I like to think a little bit deepr than what the web or news shows present me for what I determine to be reality. Food for thought...
Quote from: AnonyMs on April 26, 2017, 08:06:25 AM
I better cross the UK off my list as well then. It's all very different to where I live. Sydney is quite nice, and I live in a good area. Theres few places I feel like visiting these days, it's like the world is going crazy. Maybe I'm just getting old.
Thailand is appealing.
The world's always been dangerous, I'm sure.
I feel far less at risk as a tourist than I would living in a "bad" area, or any area really. Most people are attacked by people they know, statistically. You'd likely be quite safe here provided you didn't walk around at night in certain parts of certain cities and avoided what looked like trouble.
Quote from: AnonyMs on April 25, 2017, 08:46:12 PM
Quote from: FTMax on April 25, 2017, 11:34:25 AM
In terms of response - I have received great training in armed and unarmed self defense through my previous job. I have a concealed carry permit that is valid in every state I travel to regularly, and I am typically armed in public. I am very comfortable responding to violence with violence that has greater stopping power.
I might do the same if I lived there, but as an Australian that kind of thing really puts me off visiting the USA. How bad is it that you need to live like that? Sounds like a war zone.
It isn't bad at all. Like I said, I've never once felt unsafe or uncomfortable in public regarding being trans. But there's a lot of uncertainty in the world today. I would much rather have the option to defend myself if there was a need for it. I was a police officer for a few years, so I know how long they take to get places when they're called. I feel much more secure and comfortable knowing that I do not need to rely on them for assistance when push comes to shove.
I live in a small southern bible belt town. Granted, I was not born and raised here but overall there is some crime but not towards any LBGTQ individuals. Of course, there will always be the 10% older individuals and the 1% of the far far right religious or simple-minded people who will make snide comments but nothing violent. Mostly, the people I come in contact with are just ignorant about anything they personally do not understand or do not want to understand because it does not fit within their personal "norms." That being said, the majority of people do not say or bother you in anyway and definitely do not provoke or stir-up for physical altercations, even down here in the Deep South. Granted, I do have a conceal carry permit but I do not carry everywhere in my town. I am more likely to carry in larger cities especially if I do mot know an area I am traveling to or through. I own a whole safe full of guns and ammo bit that is because I hunt and am fully accepted by all the members of my male hunting club. In fact, they are excited about my transitioning. I have my top surgery this June so other than the T that is the only outward body changes that are noticeable. I also teach school. Now, that will be the hurdle I will have to cross this summer because I will also be doing my name and birth certificate change, too, before the next school year. In other words, students have no issues with me but I have a feeling some parents may that do not know me, yet. I may be wrong and hope I am about the parents. But again, like I said, I live in a small rural Bible-belt town in the deep south.
Quote from: connorlb14 on April 28, 2017, 04:02:36 AM
I live in a small southern bible belt town. Granted, I was not born and raised here but overall there is some crime but not towards any LBGTQ individuals. Of course, there will always be the 10% older individuals and the 1% of the far far right religious or simple-minded people who will make snide comments but nothing violent. Mostly, the people I come in contact with are just ignorant about anything they personally do not understand or do not want to understand because it does not fit within their personal "norms." That being said, the majority of people do not say or bother you in anyway and definitely do not provoke or stir-up for physical altercations, even down here in the Deep South. Granted, I do have a conceal carry permit but I do not carry everywhere in my town. I am more likely to carry in larger cities especially if I do mot know an area I am traveling to or through. I own a whole safe full of guns and ammo bit that is because I hunt and am fully accepted by all the members of my male hunting club. In fact, they are excited about my transitioning. I have my top surgery this June so other than the T that is the only outward body changes that are noticeable. I also teach school. Now, that will be the hurdle I will have to cross this summer because I will also be doing my name and birth certificate change, too, before the next school year. In other words, students have no issues with me but I have a feeling some parents may that do not know me, yet. I may be wrong and hope I am about the parents. But again, like I said, I live in a small rural Bible-belt town in the deep south.
This just furthers my point. The news media present the US as a bigoted and violent place, but that simply is not the way it is. Most people are not hateful. Most people have guns. So what?! Most people will say "Hey, it's a free country" when presented with views opposite of their own. I have lived all over the US, have been to 43 of the 50 States, and my perception and statements are based on experience, not the news media reports.
My teenagers even said the people in the US are friendlier than the people we encountered in Ontario, Canada. When we got back the US they said: "Oh, good, nice people again" as we crossed back into New York State. They weren't mean in Ontario, but to my children they just weren't as nice and courteous as Americans.
Perception is reality to people, so maybe we should all be selective about where our perceptions come from.
Quote from: ainsley on April 28, 2017, 08:38:06 AM
This just furthers my point. The news media present the US as a bigoted and violent place, but that simply is not the way it is.
There are lots of bigots but not as many as the TV propaganda makes it out to be. Also, most of the ones that do exist talk big on the internet but in personal interactions put all that stuff away and act normally and politely with other people.
I have lived all over the country in many different states and the politest people are actually the ones where you might least expect it. Right here in the Deep South Bible Belt. It's part of the culture here that people are generally amiable in public no matter what they might otherwise think.
Violence is also pretty rare in most places.
Conform and be dull. —James Frank Dobie, The Voice of the Coyote
In the interests of being more objective here's the homicide rate by country
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_intentional_homicide_rate
USA 3.9
Australia 1.0
U.K. 0.9
japan 0.3
Going by the media I'd expect the USA rate to be about 100 times worse than Australia, but it's only 3.9 times worse. Still big difference though. Japan is pretty impressive too, about the same ratio again. Got to wonder what the Japanese think of the USA.
I definitely agree that it seems that there is far more violence against LGBT people in the US than there actually is. This is because of the recent trend in the media, that any act of violence anywhere in the US instantly becomes national news. It's not that there is more violence, they just sensationalize it more so it seems that there is more violence. I feel that most people you meet either don't care that you're trans, or they are polite enough not to say their opinions to your face.
That being said, I do want to take self defense classes and when I have more money, buy a gun and get a concealed carry permit. But that has more to do with the fact that I live in a city that tops all of the wrong lists, where violence in general is really high. That's because L.A. county buys homeless people a train ticket and tell them to get off at the end of the line (my city), and literally pays "undesirables" to move out of the nicer parts of L.A. into my area. I have never heard of any of that violence being toward LGBT people in the area though.
Quote from: AnonyMs on April 28, 2017, 11:15:43 AM
In the interests of being more objective here's the homicide rate by country
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_intentional_homicide_rate
USA 3.9
Australia 1.0
U.K. 0.9
japan 0.3
Going by the media I'd expect the USA rate to be about 100 times worse than Australia, but it's only 3.9 times worse. Still big difference though. Japan is pretty impressive too, about the same ratio again. Got to wonder what the Japanese think of the USA.
I know all about the USA and violent crime. As you see by my title, I grew up in Flint, MI. Well known for its crime and murder rates. (http://www.mlive.com/news/flint/index.ssf/2016/09/flint_falls_out_of_top_10_most.html) I went to the inner city Flint schools. I saw my first handgun in high school. We had metal detectors at our doorways for entering the school. I was assaulted for no other reason than being a white kid in an inner city school. I am not blind to the violence in the US, but I take umbrage with the depiction of the US being unsafe to travel to or live in as a whole.
Would I buy a house in North Flint? Nope. Would a book a vacation in East St. Louis? Nope. Would I go bar hopping in South Chicago? Nope. Would I find a good place to do all of those things in the US? Yes I would. I think every country has similar areas to avoid...
Quote from: ainsley on April 28, 2017, 12:01:48 PM
Would I buy a house in North Flint? Nope. Would a book a vacation in East St. Louis? Nope. Would I go bar hopping in South Chicago? Nope. Would I find a good place to do all of those things in the US? Yes I would. I think every country has similar areas to avoid...
There's places I'd avoid in Australia, but they are nothing like what you describe. That's a whole different level to what we have here. I can't imagine what that must be like.
Adding Japan to that list is basically meaningless. Japan's crime rate is lower because it's a completely different culture, if your caught stealing or any such not only are you shamed for life but so is your entire family, Grandma and Grandpa included. Add to that Japan is not a melting pot of cultures as is the U.S., neither is Australia. In japan handguns have ALWAYS been illegal, never a single legal privately owed handgun in the country and yet the Japanese suicide rate BY HANDGUN is higher than in the U.S. Comparing crime rates from such lists can be very misleading.
Quote from: AnonyMs on April 28, 2017, 12:57:52 PM
There's places I'd avoid in Australia, but they are nothing like what you describe. That's a whole different level to what we have here. I can't imagine what that must be like.
I agree with you there. :) I dropped out of high school because of it. I hated it. I had to get my GED, undergrad, and graduate degrees as a working adult. All countries have areas to avoid, but I will grant you ours are worse than others. I believe there are places in the world worse than ours, too, though. Sao Paulo comes to mind...
Crime is the principal threat to visitors in Brazil. The general crime rate in Brazil is above the U.S. national average. Crime is a major concern in Brazil -- especially in large cities such as São Paulo. (https://www.osac.gov/pages/ContentReportDetails.aspx?cid=19231)
Brazil is 24.6, so 6 times higher than the USA. Pretty bad, but the difference is similar to that between USA and Australia, and Australia and Japan.
I included Japan because I usually think of Australia as being quite safe, but Japan shows how much better it can be. I guess you get used to you environment and think it's normal.
Quote from: ainsley on April 28, 2017, 08:38:06 AMPerception is reality to people, so maybe we should all be selective about where our perceptions come from.
Quite true.
Brasil, like Mexico, are countries non gratas, when it comes to TG people. The US has some bad areas, but its manageable, in certain places of California, New York, Hawaii, and Florida.