Hi everyone. I never gave much thought to how different it would be being treated as a girl but it is really different. It seems to be guys who treat me so differently for the most part. My parents left this morning for two weeks on vacation. My brother was planning a camping trip with his friends so I was looking forward to having the house to myself and being alone for a little while. So then as my parents were leaving I find out my brother changed his plans and he's not camping until my parents get back. When I asked him why he told me because I can't stay here all by myself. My dad immediately backed him up and said my brother was right that I couldn't be here all by myself for that long. I asked him why not since I had been alone for a few days before plus the fact I'm freaking 19 years old and not 9. He said it was different now that a young girl shouldn't be by herself that long. My mom said that was dumb and that I'd be fine. But my dad said absolutely NO. What?? Really?? So much for having the house to myself. So then my brother tells me I have to cook and do everything around the house while our mom is gone. Excuse me!! He said it was my (job) to do that stuff. For real?? I don't know how he figures that! Because I'm a girl I automatically have to do all the work around the house? That's totally messed up! Its other people too. Last weak we had the A/C serviced. I asked the guy what was wrong with it. He said it just needed freon which is all he needed to say. But he went into this explanation of what freon is and how it makes the A/C cold. And he definitely was talking down to me. Like he was explaining it to a moron. I know what freon is. I did go to school. The same kind of thing happened when it took my car for in to have the oil changed. The guy explained what he was going to do even though I didn't ask him to. He explained it slowly like I was stupid. Yeah I grasp what a oil change is. I'm a girl not an imbecile. And my brother's 2 best friends treat me really different too. They were always kind of dicks and LOVED messing with me. Now they are actually like really polite to me. One of them farted and then looked at me and excused himself. He actually blushed! Wtf? That coming from someone who used to pants me, give me wedgies, draw on my face with a marker, tickle me till I was almost dead and hold me upside down by the feet. I for sure don't miss any of that but it's just so weird how different they act toward me now. Have you all had people treat you a lot different after you transitioned?
I'm constantly schooling women about not putting up with being talked down too,sometimes even in male mode I get the taking down too,then I put them in their place making them look like idiots. My wife once went to get a part for a car we ownef,it was a 78 for granada,th ey came with 302 engines,ours had a 351 Windsor engine,she went too get parts for it and got told she was wrong for they had 302 engines only,she took the guy out to the car popped the hood and asked the guy what engine is that,he said a 351,she almost hit the guy,after that he made sure he waited on her too save arguments with other parts guys.
In my generation we started to be on our own at 10 without babysitters,it's different today parents are afraid of even leaving their adult kids alone.
I have grown very accustomed to being treated as a woman. However, I despise guys mansplaining things. I know they will not respect me in some ways. However, being treated the same way as all the women in my area ain't so bad. Some are just in shock that this woman knows how to weld.
"Mansplaining" that's hilarious. I love it. Lol
Ha ha ha... oh, yes - I certainly do remember all this nonsense. Those of us who were socialised as female were brought up with this sort of crap every single day. Horrible, isn't it? Women are treated like children all their lives. If anyone wonders why feminists tend to be perceived as being angry all the time,
this is the reason why.
For example:
Quote from: Julia1996 on June 12, 2017, 06:09:52 PM
I asked him why not since I had been alone for a few days before plus the fact I'm freaking 19 years old and not 9.
Certain types of men - your father and your brother amongst them - believe that women are little more than children. They think it's chivalrous to treat the lil' lady as if she's made of glass. Your father clearly has very old-fashioned views on women, and sadly he's passed them on to your brother. He's also trying to pass them on to you by teaching you that you're not an adult in your own right, but rather you need a man to take care of you. On the one hand this is a somewhat positive development, in that it shows that your father and brother both completely accept you as a woman. But on the other hand, it's highly inappropriate in today's society and it's incredibly frustrating to feel so restricted, isn't it?
Quote from: Julia1996 on June 12, 2017, 06:09:52 PM
So then my brother tells me I have to cook and do everything around the house while our mom is gone. Excuse me!! He said it was my (job) to do that stuff.
Your parents (both of them!) have raised him with some sexist ideas. This is very strange because they're probably of my generation (my eldest daughter is about your age) and we grew up through the feminist movements of the '70s and '80s so they should be better informed. Traditional gender barriers had broken down substantially by the time we were ready to start our families, so old-fashioned gender roles are actually quite rare in my generation!
Your brother has seen your mother's example of doing all the cooking & cleaning and he thinks that's what women are for. He's seen your dad's example and he thinks that's an appropriate way to treat a woman. It isn't though, is it? They've done him a huge disservice: presuming he's straight, he's going to struggle to find & keep a girlfriend or wife in the long run because most modern women will not stand for that kind of sexist nonsense. His only hope is if the women in his family can show him the error of his ways. He needs a good kick up the backside, and you'll be doing his future partner a massive favour by giving it to him now.
So by all means, cook. For yourself. Tell him if he wants to eat, he can make his own damn sammich. Tidy up your own mess, but leave his stuff for him to do. I daresay your folks will be annoyed if they come back & find a mess, so let him get in trouble for the mess he leaves! And make it clear to your entire family that you will not be held responsible for someone else's chores: a grown-ass man should be able to cook & clean for himself, and if he doesn't already know how to do so then he needs to start now! Oh, and spend as much time as possible away from the house. Visit your friends; go shopping; go sight-seeing: whatever it takes to get yourself away from his attempts to dominate you. My elder brother tried the same stuff with me, and you can bet your bottom dollar I did not let him get away with it. And in so doing I turned him into a suitable husband for his wife & father for his daughters, and a feminist to boot!
Quote from: Julia1996 on June 12, 2017, 06:09:52 PM
Last weak we had the A/C serviced. I asked the guy what was wrong with it. He said it just needed freon which is all he needed to say. But he went into this explanation of what freon is and how it makes the A/C cold. And he definitely was talking down to me. Like he was explaining it to a moron. I know what freon is. I did go to school. The same kind of thing happened when it took my car for in to have the oil changed. The guy explained what he was going to do even though I didn't ask him to. He explained it slowly like I was stupid.
Ah yes, mansplaining. Irritating, isn't it? I'm afraid you're going to come up against this for your entire life. :(
I think it's because male socialisation teaches them that their opinion is important and they should be an expert in everything. It's a form of male domination: cisgender men do it to each other as a type of verbal peeing contest... but they do it to women as a way of dominating them & treating them like a child. It's a difficult habit to break, but stopping them at the beginning of their explanation is the best way to do it.
To be perfectly honest, I've seen several trans women (mostly older transitioners) do the exact same thing and it's painful to watch: nothing outs them (or alienates them from other women) quite like mansplaining. I've even had a trans woman try to mansplain womanhood to me, which was rather surreal considering I'd moved through the world as a woman for a heck of a lot longer than she had!
Quote from: Julia1996 on June 12, 2017, 06:09:52 PM
Have you all had people treat you a lot different after you transitioned?
Absolutely! People take me seriously now, and they treat me like a grown-up. There are advantages & disadvantages to this: on the one hand, I don't have to feel so frustrated all the time at being treated like a child. But on the other hand, if I need help with something then nobody will come to my assistance.
Y'know, I needed an oil change done on my car about 6 months before I decided to transition (so I was presenting as female at the time). I took it to the garage and they did the oil change. Not long after leaving the garage the oil light came on, so I checked the oil level to find that there was zero oil in my engine! I drove straight back and raised merry hell. I told them their incompetence could've destroyed my engine and I could've had a serious accident if it had seized on the motorway. I demanded they fix this immediately. You know what they did? They actually
laughed at me. Oh, look at the hysterical woman losing her rag! How funny! Of course they fixed the problem and of course I never went back there again. But I'll never forget how humiliating it was that they laughed at my perfectly justified anger rather than treating me with the respect I deserved.
Fast-forward a year or two later and I'd been transitioning for some time, so I'd already changed my name etc. and was presenting as male. I had a different car & I took that into the dealership for its first service. In changing the oil they'd spilled some oil on the engine block, so about 20 minutes after I'd picked up the car there were clouds of acrid smoke billowing out from under the bonnet. The dealership had closed for the day so I rang them up on the Monday to complain. Within half an hour the manager of the Service Department was on the phone apologising profusely. He asked me to bring the car in the following day for an engine steam clean, and they provided me with a courtesy vehicle whilst they worked on mine, all free of charge. Then they threw in a free tank of fuel as an additional apology.
That's the difference. Men are treated with respect, and women get belittled. Awful, isn't it?
Well Julia, sounds like your dad and brother have had their protective instincts kick in. lol Its got to be strange when things flip like that.
The closest I've been is a few different times I had strangers hold a door at a gas station open for me. They were far closer to the door than I was and I even tried to tell them to go ahead. They insisted. My internal thoughts were WTF is going on? :)
I don't pass, not trying to yet, was wearing jeans and my work button uniform shirt with my given name on it. I don't know if its the complexion change in my skin or the slight mounds I trying to hide under my sports bra and tee shirt, under my uniform. Something just kicks in in men? Weird huh??
Yup, Julia, it's that way with me. As a non-transitioning, gender fluid, partial transmale, I have to stop myself from leaping to open doors for women, and taking care of older people, since I resemble a senior, petite woman.
The instinct is powerful. In my case I mitigate my male instincts by taking derris scandens, a local Thai herb, that seems to blend my gender modes.
I am treated like a woman now where ever I go. It is challenging in some aspects, and easier in others, than it was before. Conversations, especially at work, are different (more challenging). I work in IT and am a security auditor. Guys just don't start off giving me credit that I know what I am saying or doing. Mansplaining is part of it for me. I have learned to deal with it. It is what it is. They were raised that way, and the other girls I work with just wait, like I do, for them to finish and then we set them straight.
I will say, that in public, being treated as a woman has its benefits and I appreciate that. So, I am not sure if I perpetuate the problem of men thinking we are fragile and dim witted by accepting the chivalrous gestures and accommodations in public, or not.
I have to admit, it's a pretty odd experience. I still have people misgender me with the occasional 'Sir', but that is pretty much limited to accidents from people I know, or occasional jerks that want to make sure that I know that they "are not fooled" by me (real comment from a crazy that followed me around in a mall a while back).
I'm definitely noticing changes in the behavior of others. I have doors held for me all the time. I don't get the check unless I'm by myself in a restaurant.
I've noticed more subtle things on the street and in public as well. Men, particularly older men, will walk directly towards me, expecting me to step aside. (Watch people carefully. This seems to be a common behavior.). An unaccompanied older single woman seems to be pretty low on the social pecking order. Behavior that a male would consider rude are commonplace, like turning away in mid-conversation to start a new conversation with a male and leaving me hanging and un-introduced.
My opinion is generally disregarded in technical meetings, in spite of me being the most experienced and knowledgeable person in the room. I have people mansplain my own presentations to me when I do tech programs! Like Ainsley, I just wait them out, then lay into their argument with the physics and math and straighten them out. ;)
(And yet I see men arguing, even on this site, that male privilege is a myth! Nope. It's real, not all that subtle, and everywhere. Most folks don't see it because they are soaking in it, just part of life like the air we breathe. Oh, I've been asked to do a presentation on THIS! ;) )
FtM diaries, my family is pretty backwards with how women are treated. My dad comes from a military family. The women were housewives. My grandpa is a dick the way he treats my grandma and women in general. Like they only are good for cooking, cleaning and sex. My dad got a good dose of that attitude and it looks like he gave some to my brother. He and my mom have had fights about his attitude toward women. My mom did stay home when my brother and I were little but as soon as we got older she started working again. Growing up my brother was used to her doing everything around the house so maybe he thinks that's is how it's supposed to be. I prefer to think that than thinking he's just a dick when it comes to how he treats women like my dad and grandpa. But that could be the fact.
You have a golden opportunity to help fix what your father's family's attitude has done to him, if you want to. There's still time for him to learn the error of his ways. If the only example he gets is the one your dad has shown him, he'll be in for a very rude awakening because there aren't a lot of women out there these days who would be willing to be treated like that. Or perhaps he's beyond help and really is a dick.
I have to say: your mother is just as much to blame for this as your father. She had the option to show her children that women aren't glorified domestic servants, but she opted for an old-fashioned model. That's her choice, but I'm afraid that decision is likely to bite her son on the backside.
You don't have to play along with it if you don't want to. As you said in another thread, it's 2017!
Quote from: FTMDiaries on June 13, 2017, 01:32:26 PM
You have a golden opportunity to help fix what your father's family's attitude has done to him, if you want to. There's still time for him to learn the error of his ways. ...
... I have to say: your mother is just as much to blame for this as your father. ...
I would say that there is no sense is showing your father the error of his ways, but you can break the cycle he created by working on your brother. :) Also, yes, your mom is complicit, but you have the opportunity to break that cycle, too. No sense trying to teach the old dogs new tricks. Just take their influence from the puppies away...
I will try to help my brother change if it's even possible at this point. He spent a lot of time with my dad and grandpa growing up. Camping, fishing, football games, stuff I couldn't do because I can't really be in sunlight that long. I love my grandpa but he is the biggest sexist pig I ever have seen. My grandmother was talking about me starting college this fall and she said she hopes it goes well and that I don't have any problems. My grandpa said he didn't know why I was going to college anyway. He said I was pretty and would be able to find a husband to take care of me and that we always could adopt some kids. He said college was for ugly girls and lesbians who couldn't get or didn't want a husband! He actually said that! And he tells jokes that devalue women all the time. Like: what do you call the useless excess skin around a vagina? A woman. That one had my dad and brother almost on the floor laughing. I know my grandpa is old but I don't see how even a old guy can be such a pig! My dad is 38. He's kind of old but he's young enough to know better than to buy into that stuff. His family is just messed up. I will try to enlighten my brother if he will listen to me.
Yea, my grandparents were much like that, too. Racists, to boot. Rural Missouri...the things my grandparents said about other races were flabbergasting. There was no changing them; just the cycle they had been trying to perpetuate. :D
I managed to change my dad quite a bit before he died, and my mother has come leaps and bounds from her previous mindset. It is possible to effect change in them, don't get me wrong, and maybe it is worth your while. Just don't cast your pearls amongst swine. :)
here is the one that drives me crazy
"Men" who treat me as they might any other woman, mansplaining, etc, etc all the things we talked about above, then they misgender you...what the hell!!! you treat me like you would any other female and then you misname and misgender me...
"Because I am trans you treat me in a misogynistic, sexist way, as you would any other female and then misgender me and treat me like a male?" and wonder what the fuss is all about when I object and become "pedantic" about pronouns...I have one specific male in mind who does this...
Quote from: Julia1996 on June 13, 2017, 02:10:46 PM
He said college was for ugly girls and lesbians who couldn't get or didn't want a husband! He actually said that! And he tells jokes that devalue women all the time. Like: what do you call the useless excess skin around a vagina? A woman.
If I were your grandma, I'd have smacked him upside the head for that sort of comment. I wonder whether he has any idea how it makes you feel when you hear these comments? He probably thinks he's being hilarious, but have you told him he's hurting you? Has anyone tried saying 'so does that mean you believe that Grandma is nothing more than useless excess skin around a vagina'?
Quote from: Julia1996 on June 13, 2017, 02:10:46 PM
My dad is 38. He's kind of old but he's young enough to know better than to buy into that stuff.
Your Dad is 8 years younger than me! 38 is actually still very young. Trust me, there was a lot of feminist stuff happening during his childhood & teenage years... but i daresay he preferred the message he was hearing from his father
Quote from: Julia1996 on June 13, 2017, 02:10:46 PM
I will try to enlighten my brother if he will listen to me.
Good for you. I doubt he'll listen to you if you try to tell him what to do, so you'll have to demonstrate a better example through your actions. So instead of telling him to tidy up, leave his stuff and refuse to do anything with it. Instead of cooking for him, cook your own food and tell him he knows where the fridge is if he's hungry. He can only get away with his behaviour if the women in his family enable him to do so... so simply refuse to enable him or anyone else.
Quote from: Julia1996 on June 13, 2017, 02:10:46 PM
Like: what do you call the useless excess skin around a vagina? A woman.
Turn it back on them. Say in that case, they can do their own cooking and cleaning.
QuoteHe said college was for ugly girls and lesbians who couldn't get or didn't want a husband! He actually said that! And he tells jokes that devalue women all the time. Like: what do you call the useless excess skin around a vagina? A woman.
This is a defence mechanism to protect himself from ever being hurt or humiliated by a woman. As Dr Phil has said, it's a pre-emptive strike: I'll get you before you can ever get me. It usually occurs with men who have taken some form of humiliation from a woman.
QuoteMy grandpa said he didn't know why I was going to college anyway. He said I was pretty and would be able to find a husband to take care of me
It wasn't just men that thought that way. My grandmother believed a woman only needed enough education to keep house and raise children. As a result, my mother didn't go to high school. This was back in the '30s.
It's kinda funny how these things come from cultural influence. My grandpa, second gen German immigrant, has the built in attitude that women DO everything for the men. My grandma compiled often but definately gives him an attitude. Her mom from SE MO and SIL of Irish decent didn't put up with much, but her dad of mixed white and Cherokee lines was ultra kind to her mom. They apparently got along great even though they were poor MO farmers. My grandma never had an indoor toilet until she married into my grandpas family. They apparently got along well enough that my great grandma joked later in life that every time my great grandpa tossed his pants on the bedpost she got pregnant. ;)
My grandpa is the one close family member I have not come out to. Nor will I ever.
Quote from: AnneK on June 14, 2017, 06:03:32 AM
It wasn't just men that thought that way. My grandmother believed a woman only needed enough education to keep house and raise children. As a result, my mother didn't go to high school. This was back in the '30s.
My parents had a similar attitude towards me: they paid for my elder brother to go to university, but they refused to let me go to uni because as far as they were concerned all I needed was a little job to tide me over until I could marry the boss, then I could stay at home to raise his kids. So my parents wouldn't support me for anything higher than my High School education. And yes, my mother was equally responsible for this attitude (even though she worked for as long as I knew her): I paid for my own college courses in my late teens & early 20s, and she told me I was too big for my boots for thinking I deserved to get a decent education & a high-paying career. That was in the early-to-mid 1990s!
Well here is an update. Last night my brother started telling me he was hungry. So I told him if he was hungry then he better find something to eat and that there were frozen dinners in the freezer. (He hates those!) He asked why I wasn't gonna cook and I told him I was but just for myself. He wasn't too happy about that. He said I was being a total bitch and that he didn't need me to make him anything. Then he stomped away. So like 10 minutes later he comes back all sad and pouty with the kicked puppy eyes and tells me I'm being mean and asks me if I would really cook something for myself and eat it in front of him while he ate a crappy frozen dinner. I told him I totally would. Then he started whining how he didn't know how to cook anything but microwave stuff and that I like to cook anyway. I told him yes I do like to cook but I like to cook when I WANT to cook. Not when someone TELLS me I have to. Then he asked if I would please cook him something. I told him no that it was to late for that since he already TOLD me I had to cook and do everything else as if he was a drill instructor. I told him if he wanted dinner I would tell him how to do it buitthat he had to actually cook it and clean up the kitchen after. I was totally surprised when he agreed. I figured he couldn't mess up spaghetti too much so I told him how to make that. It actually was good. He was so proud of himself you'd think he discovered cold fusion or something instead of making simple ass spaghetti. He did it with a lot less complaining than I expected. Except for some bitching when I told him he had to wash the pots and not put them in the dishwasher. After dinner I told him he needed to get over his attitude toward women. Of course he didn't know what I was talking about. I told him that acting like my dad and grandpa was gonna cause him big problems with women in the future and that no woman was going to put up with being treated like a second class servant. He started saying he didn't have any problems with women and I reminded him that he didn't have a girlfriend. Only booty calls and very casual hookups and that sooner or later he was going to want more. I explained that being handsome and muscular would attract plenty of girls but if his attitude sucks no girl is going to want a relationship with him no matter how hot he is. He didn't really say a lot. I think he was kind of shocked. I told him to just think about it. I don't know if he will listen or not but I hope so. One good sign is that this morning he actually asked me to iron his shirt or show him how to do it instead of throwing it at me and saying " iron this" like he and my dad usually do. About a minute into it he said " this is so ## boring I hate this" I told him ironing wasn't a thrill for anyone and to try ironing a basket of his and my dad's clothes for a fun time.
Quote from: Julia1996 on June 14, 2017, 11:37:25 AM
Well here is an update. Last night my brother started telling me he was hungry. So I told him if he was hungry then he better find something to eat and that there were frozen dinners in the freezer. (He hates those!) He asked why I wasn't gonna cook and I told him I was but just for myself. He wasn't too happy about that. He said I was being a total bitch and that he didn't need me to make him anything. Then he stomped away. So like 10 minutes later he comes back all sad and pouty with the kicked puppy eyes and tells me I'm being mean and asks me if I would really cook something for myself and eat it in front of him while he ate a crappy frozen dinner. I told him I totally would. Then he started whining how he didn't know how to cook anything but microwave stuff and that I like to cook anyway. I told him yes I do like to cook but I like to cook when I WANT to cook. Not when someone TELLS me I have to. Then he asked if I would please cook him something. I told him no that it was to late for that since he already TOLD me I had to cook and do everything else as if he was a drill instructor. I told him if he wanted dinner I would tell him how to do it buitthat he had to actually cook it and clean up the kitchen after. I was totally surprised when he agreed. I figured he couldn't mess up spaghetti too much so I told him how to make that. It actually was good. He was so proud of himself you'd think he discovered cold fusion or something instead of making simple ass spaghetti. He did it with a lot less complaining than I expected. Except for some bitching when I told him he had to wash the pots and not put them in the dishwasher. After dinner I told him he needed to get over his attitude toward women. Of course he didn't know what I was talking about. I told him that acting like my dad and grandpa was gonna cause him big problems with women in the future and that no woman was going to put up with being treated like a second class servant. He started saying he didn't have any problems with women and I reminded him that he didn't have a girlfriend. Only booty calls and very casual hookups and that sooner or later he was going to want more. I explained that being handsome and muscular would attract plenty of girls but if his attitude sucks no girl is going to want a relationship with him no matter how hot he is. He didn't really say a lot. I think he was kind of shocked. I told him to just think about it. I don't know if he will listen or not but I hope so. One good sign is that this morning he actually asked me to iron his shirt or show him how to do it instead of throwing it at me and saying " iron this" like he and my dad usually do. About a minute into it he said " this is so ## boring I hate this" I told him ironing wasn't a thrill for anyone and to try ironing a basket of his and my dad's clothes for a fun time.
I loved all of this. If you keep it up he might actually improve for good.
Good stuff, Julia. I guarantee you are making an impression on him that is contrary to what he learned by rote. Keep up the good work!
I get the strangest feeling I'm reading a history book hearing all that, or its from a different culture, but I see you're in the USA. I don't get it.
I was going to say more, but I can't figure out how to say it.
No it's not a different culture. My dad's family is just ass backward and my brother picked it up.
Ok should I be getting as much entertainment from this story unfolding as I am!? :D
His reaction to you really does sound positive. Getting him to stay considerate after your dad gets back may well be another thing altogether. I hope he takes some of what you tell him to heart.
Your update was awesome Julia. Might be hope for your brother. I've got plenty of years on your dad even and I taught myself to cook in high school. Figured if I could cook I'd always be able to eat what I wanted. My close to 30yo daughters on the other hand can't do much more than use the microwave and boil water. Not 100% sure about the boiling water.
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Perfect! You handled that like a boss. ;D
Your brother has just perfectly demonstrated my point: the men in your family will only get away with this crap if the women let them. You've simply refused to allow him to get away with it, leaving him no choice but to act like a grown-up for once in his life. You're doing him a massive favour and he'll be a better man because of it. Well done! I can't wait to hear the next instalment :)
Awesome story, Julia! You really helped both of you.
Another thing you can do is cook together. My wife loves to do that (we split it about evenly most of the time). That way he can learn, and you become a team.
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Last night I actually helped him like Randy suggests. He really wanted lasagna but thought it was too much to take on by himself. But I made him clean up after. He's starting to get a little grudgy about the situation. Grumpy attitude, mumbles under his breath, that kind of stuff. But so far he's still cooperating. Yesterday afternoon he did some laundry. He can at least do that himself he just doesn't like doing it. He had washed 3 of his dress shirts that needed ironing. He asked if there was any possible way I would please,please iron them for him. I told him I would if he vacuumed. I told him make sure to use the attachments to get the dog hair off the furniture. Then I asked him if he wanted me to show him how to use the vacuum. Wow did his inner dick ever come out! He said "seriously? Im not a dumb##. It might have taken you a while to learn how to use it but I'm studying engineering. I think I can figure out how a vacuum works." So then later on he calls me in there and he's holding the hose and he tells me it doesn't go to that vacuum. I told him yes it does. Then he said " use some common sense Julia. There is no possible place this hose could connect. I don't know where you got this hose but it's the wrong one" Sooo I told him you have to take the carpet thing OFF to put the hose ON and I put it on. He said that was totally stupid and it was a dumbass design. He said no one would know that. He got really mad. Lol. I told him not to worry that I would watch over him and make sure he didn't stick a fork in the electric outlet or run out into traffic. That pissed him off even more but I couldn't help it. I HAD to mess with him a little. Big smart engineering student got put in his place by a vacuum. Lol! 😂😂 I really doubt he's gonna make it another week but we will see. He's pretty much hating all this.
Loool! That's hilarious. The mansplainer got "mansplained" by his sister. Love it.
Keep up the good work Julia. You have a tough one (but he has potential).
Next time, "femsplain"to him why the vacuum was designed that way. Instead of having 2 vacuums they have at least 2. One for floors and one for high and furniture.
Remind him that it was several well educated EXPERIENCED engineers that designed in great detail, taking multiple requirements into consideration. So while it may not appear to him at this point, as he gains more life experience it will become more self-evident that is in fact a good design for its uses.
;D ;D
Then sit back and watch him fume.
You're doing great, so just keep doing what you're doing. He can moan & bitch all he likes, but a little moaning never hurt anyone! After all, it'd be impossible for him to starve to death within a week so you can happily ignore it. It's just emotional blackmail to try to get you to do stuff for him.
Wherever possible, I recommend you instruct him by telling him how to do things & supervising what he does, rather than doing anything for him (keep your hands behind your back if that helps). Exchanging chores (as you did with the ironing) can be helpful if you do it strategically, but it can also mean that you're a still doing stuff for him, so it'd be prudent to keep that sort of thing to a minimum
There is the other option you can work with your brother. When my roommate and I moved in together, we worked out an arrangement where I do the cleanup in the kitchen and she would cook. It's not that I can't cook and often I did, but menu selection was a problem. I eat pretty much what ever is available but my roommate had a far more refined sense of taste than I did. With her doing the menu, I knew she wouldn't be complaining about what I cooked.
Now I didn't get off easy because she had the ability to use far more pots and pans than were required to do the job and stuff would spill on the stove all the time. Make sure you continue to offer your brother some of the nasty jobs in exchange for the tasks you do for him. It will help him develop a better understanding of what's really involved in the things he takes for granted.
Oh that actually sounds really sweet that your dad is protective of you. Maybe a little too protective but I would give anything for my family to accept and treat me as a woman. I'm 19 too and not even a month into transitioning but hopefully when everyone starts to notice some of the changes I'll be accepted for who I am. I'm glad you have a such a supportive family. :)