Hi everyone. I've been living as a female for 2 years now. I'm already tired of explaining to people and trying to educate them about being trans. I can't even imagine another 60-65 years of it. Once someone finds out I'm trans no matter how much they say they fully accept me as female I know they don't. Once they know I'm trans then that's all I am or ever will be to them. I'm having SRS next year and I should be happy about it and I am but I also started thinking about my life after SRS. I could try to be stealth but I would have to move to another state and I don't want to leave my family. And I don't think I can ever be totally stealth. There's always going to be something to mess it up. I was born male in 1998. I also graduated high school as a boy. Those records are in the computer system and probably also in the cloud which means they are forever. I can change my birth certificate but those records of me being born male could still pop up at any time. Then also if anyone tested my DNA then it will test male and I would be outed. And then there is trying to have a normal relationship with a man. I would never have a relationship without telling him I'm trans. It would be starting a relationship with a lie. I tried talking myself into believing it wouldn't be a lie because I am female but that doesn't work. I was born male and that's something a man would consider like a very big deal. I also don't think I could be stealth in a relationship. How could I explain why a girl my age can't have children, doesn't have periods and has to take estrogen? I maybe could make up some detailed lies that might work but it's not my nature to lie on that kind of scale. Plus lies ALWAYS come unraveled eventually.
This is all really depressing me. I know there are CIS women who can't have kids. I also know they sometimes lose relationships because of it. It's not that I even want kids. To be honest I don't really even like them. But the fact I won't ever be able to have them is just the fact I'm not "real" slapping me in the face. I just feel like no matter how much hrt and surgery I have and no matter how well I pass I won't ever be a real woman. As hateful as that dick at work was I wonder if maybe he was right about me wearing a female costume I can't take off.
Julia
Here's what I think...
Stuff other people.
Yup.
Do what makes YOU happy.
Forget the past, that's done.
You have the same fears a lot of us do Julia, so we are all here for you to help you along :)
Being transgender and transsexual is for life; it is not a phase. Addressing your gender allows us to live our authentic self.
There are lots of labels people and can put upon people. If you were stealth would you be with a transphobic guy? I think not. A loving person as a partner that is accepting and welcoming is what we all look for cis or trans.
There are a lot of things I will never be. I can define myself by what I am not or can not be or I can define myself for who I am and will be. That is a choice a trans person can make. We can not choose to be cis or trans.
Being albino is also a life sentence. And life is full of problems, you cannot avoid them. You can only try to navigate your life in the direction of problems that you're more comfortable to deal with. Would you rather deal with your transfemale status, or try to suppress all trans feeling and to pretend to be a cis-male? Life ain't easier either way, so choose what is more comfortable for you
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Julia, I don't blame you for being pissed about what you will never have. I understand it. When I see little girls playing in frilly party dresses or teen girls laughing and hanging out in the mall I know that I will never have that experience. Or watching fashion models walk down a runway, or seeing a mom breastfeed, or even watching a group of middle-aged women laugh and talk at lunch. I've missed all that. We didn't get to grow up as girls.
But geez, Julia, you are only about 20 years old and you will get to live most of your life as a woman--okay, transwoman--you got cheated at birth, but had you been born in 1958 instead of '98 the option of transition wouldn't be ther for you now.
It's okay to grieve what we don't, and can't have (I do)--but try also to cherish what you have and will have. You are a woman and have all of your feminine life ahead of you. Life it! Nancy
i definitely feel you; i've had these exact same thoughts time and time again. add chronic illness to the whole trans mess, and sometimes i just want to have a temper tantrum and scream about how it's not fair that i have to miss out on things most people take for granted.
sometimes it helps to know there are others in this boat who have found ways to get by and are doing just fine. that's the beauty of nature: life goes on in the face of adversity.
i've got multiple life sentences, but only one life. might as well do what i can to make it worth living, even if it means having to live it differently from everyone else. i don't want to be one of those people who takes what they have for granted. i'd rather try to embrace it for what it is--and when i can't do that, i can at least be proud of the fact that i have had the strength to carry it.
Quote from: NancyBalik on July 08, 2017, 09:25:46 AM
Julia, I don't blame you for being pissed about what you will never have. I understand it. When I see little girls playing in frilly party dresses or teen girls laughing and hanging out in the mall I know that I will never have that experience. Or watching fashion models walk down a runway, or seeing a mom breastfeed, or even watching a group of middle-aged women laugh and talk at lunch. I've missed all that. We didn't get to grow up as girls.
But geez, Julia, you are only about 20 years old and you will get to live most of your life as a woman--okay, transwoman--you got cheated at birth, but had you been born in 1958 instead of '98 the option of transition wouldn't be ther for you now.
It's okay to grieve what we don't, and can't have (I do)--but try also to cherish what you have and will have. You are a woman and have all of your feminine life ahead of you. Life it! Nancy
g
Nancy, trans women can definitely lactate and nurse infants. I'm not sure what you're getting at with born in '58 as I was born in '56 and have just recently finished GCS -- true it wasn't a realistic option in my teens or early twenties. Very few women have the option of being a runway model, that's a much smaller demographic than trans women. And I lunch and laugh with cis women of my age who accept me as one of their kind. Passing visually doesn't open that door, passing in how one communicates, empathizes and emotes does IMX.
OP, it's not beyond possibility that uterine transplants will be a viable thing for you. As for explaining, I mostly don't but then I live in a place where most of the people I know are clueful enough to get by. But I also remember when I was younger I felt obligation to explain myself in ways that I now realize didn't serve much of an actual purpose.
Julia,
You were born as a gendered female. Because it starts in your brain and identity. I personally believe the science will catch up or at least make major advances in the area of transgender people. A point is that our identity won't disappear. As more transgender get press and our issues are out there we will start to see people especially younger generations see transwoman as equal to cis woman. Just recently I had GRS and I have so many woman who see me now as just a woman not transgender woman. I have been educating people on Facebook and it is working.
Hang in There!!!
MichelleJennifer
Yes unfortunately it is but so is depression also everything is a life sentence no matter what you do. So do what makes you happy. You have to live your life why not be happy with your self. A girl asked me to marry her years ago and it is my life sentence that I said no to her because I thought I was not good enough for her and her kids. I wish I did not feel that way I made the mistake. We all take chances and give them up to make other people happy, you have to live life for yourself. Their are cis females with xy chromosomes as well so it is just not DNA sorry for the multiple topic answer
If you keep worrying about the what its & the can not,s your end up going down the road I,ve been traveling you will just get more & more depressed, go live your life as Julia sod the no believers your young pretty every thing I wish I had, there are cis woman who can't have children or never have period so yes you are a woman full stop. Sara
As you get older, your connections to your past will fade. At age 62, no one has asked to see my high school records in about 40 years. I am in mid-transition (yes someone born in 1958 or earlier does have that option! :) ), so everyone in my life knows that I am trans. But, as I get more passable, I will meet new people who will not notice and will not need to know. At some point, I will move, and people wherever I move to will not need to know. I don't intend to be stealth, but I also don't intend to advertise the fact more widely than necessary.
So, yes, being trans is for life, but transitioning doesn't need to be.
Listen girl, I'm in my 30's and I've past through all what you've passed and by experience is you're pretty and passable so BE STEALTH. And concerning straight guys. You can't just go out and shout out to everyone on the first date what you are, nor anytime soon. Straight men are like bombs that need to be neutralized slowly.
You need to be 100% sure the guy is in love with you, only then you thrash out. Using this technique even the most bigoted one might accept you.
Check my story
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,225729.0.html
Julia, stop thinking so much and take it one step at a time.
I'm like you in many respects. Started hormones senior year and transitioned right after graduating. I had to wait until I was 22 to have SRS so in that respect you are ahead of me. It's been 44 of my 62 years that I've had "to live with it" but let me tell you, it's not as bad as you think.
Being of trans experience is something that will be with you the rest of your life but this doesn't mean you need to have a big red T tattooed on your forehead, wave flags and tell everyone you meet. This deep stealth business is nonsense so stop with all the what if scenarios. Mostly stealth and highly stealth are more realistic and practical objectives. There are always going to be some people that know... your doctors, your family and those that you choose to tell. Living in a small town though where people knew you before is tough. As time passes, there will be less and less of these people that know or recognize you but unfortunately, your most obvious difference may be what ties to the past. As there's not much you can do about being trans or your albinism - you just have to make peace with these things but I think they make you special.
I hate people knowing of my trans history but as you've noted, there's always the likelihood some breadcrumbs to your past will remain. Heck, I was born in a state where it is impossible to change your birth certificate but fortunately, I haven't needed one in my adult life. If I did, all I could do is suck it up, hold my head high and explain the situation. I wouldn't be happy about it and undoubtedly would find it embarrassing and awkward but it would be a situation beyond my control. There's wisdom in knowing the things you can change and in learning there are some you simply cannot.
Keep in mind also that beyond the social legacies you may have to deal with, you're also going to have a trans body to take care of the rest of your life. Hormones and dilation will be things you will probably have to deal with forever but you know what? It really doesn't matter and is no biggie. These things become like brushing your teeth or combing your hair. These aren't things to be depressed about. If you want to be depressed, think back and picture where you'd be if you didn't take hormones and transition and see if your life isn't moving in more a positive direction than it was. Some things may be hard but comparing where you are to where you would have been should make you happy, not sad.
And when it comes to serious relationships or finding a husband, I can see by your words that you wouldn't be deeply involved without telling your partner. Neither would I. Trying to hide and keep secrets would eat me alive. I told my husband, a macho guy you wouldn't think would be able to handle it but he did and he did well. I've also never had a DNA test anytime in my life.
Don't fall into the trap of thinking you're not a "real" woman. While it is true you or I won't ever be really female you will be in the ways that matter other than being able to carry children. Neither you or I could help the body we were born with but we do our best and go through a lot with the material we are given to be as female as possible short of being born that way. All we can do is accept this as who and what we are and take solace knowing we are extraordinary.
What makes us women though is our lives, the ways we live as other women live and because "woman" is the lens through which we view the world as it is for other women and because of the shared experiences between all of us of being women. That's something no one can take away from me. Sure, cis females may have some early things going on we didn't but as you do grow up and make your way in the world, things equal out pretty quickly.
______________________
As to some of the puzzling comments by others, I was born in 1955, started toward transition at 15, began HRT at 17 and finished social transition in 1973 at 18 after graduating high school. Yes, that was really uncommon but it was possible. I had good parents (that may have been aliens!) :)
I've stopped worrying what others think. You can't control their opinions. Some people are left handed, short, and near-sighed. We are transgender. If they can't handle it their loss.
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Julia, You are young and I am old, senile, and not up to date with current slang and musical tastes. So technically I don't relate. I spent much of my life lamenting what I didn't have. Then what I've lost. For the last year, I have celebrated what I have found. Sure I've spent my life wondering what it would be like to be a fully functioning female. I also know that was only a dream and a prayer. But just the knowledge that all the people I love, know my secret, makes the world on my shoulders a much lighter place.
Pretty much, I think it's a life sentence
I didn't understand it or know any of the related terms but I knew from an early age
Even after all these years I go through odd fazes of questioning myself and all the various emotions rise to the top
The love, the hate, denial, self loathing, anxiety... But I know I will always be a trans person and that I must embrace it
Hugs
The other option is 60-65 years of trying to pretend you are a masculine man. I opted not to transition when I became a young adult because it seemed too hard, and it was harder back then, not that it is exactly easy now.
I thought maybe I could be happy, and I fooled myself into being happy for awhile, but it quickly became only when I was drunk, and eventually that led to me wanting to be drunk all the time, and with tolerance, that led to me never really being drunk, and thus never being happy...and eventually everything I buried coming back anyway, and feeling I wasted decades of my life trying to please society and be some masculine man they wanted me to be.
Quote from: VeronicaLynn on July 08, 2017, 03:49:31 PM
The other option is 60-65 years of trying to pretend you are a masculine man.
Nothing in any rule book says you have to do that. If for whatever reason you don't feel you're actually TS, there's no reason you can't define yourself any way you see and feel fit. That includes being an effeminate man. The only shame in any of it is the shame you choose to carry.
Quote from: jentay1367 on July 08, 2017, 08:26:33 PM
Nothing in any rule book says you have to do that. If for whatever reason you don't feel you're actually TS, there's no reason you can't define yourself any way you see and feel fit. That includes being an effeminate man. The only shame in any of it is the shame you choose to carry.
Believe me, I've tried doing that. There really isn't "male privilege". There is masculine male privilege. There is a lot of pressure to act masculine, and not be feminine in any way, if you do define yourself as a man. Really, trying to be a man made me a very quiet person who was afraid to say anything because I was ridiculed almost every time I opened my mouth. Being a man just isn't me at all. Trying to live as one if you are trans is not a road to happiness.
Julia,
You don't have to live under a "life sentence" if you don't want to. There are some assumptions that go into that, though. First, you really must absolutely pass, which includes all surgeries and documentation. Second, make it a personal practice to never initiate disclosure. Third and finally, stop clocking yourself.
That's it.
It's a tall order.
Quote from: Julia1996 on July 08, 2017, 07:30:28 AMI could try to be stealth but I would have to move to another state and I don't want to leave my family. And I don't think I can ever be totally stealth. There's always going to be something to mess it up. I was born male in 1998. I also graduated high school as a boy. Those records are in the computer system and probably also in the cloud which means they are forever. I can change my birth certificate but those records of me being born male could still pop up at any time. Then also if anyone tested my DNA then it will test male and I would be outed.
Most of these things are not things to worry about. No one is going to test your DNA. High school records can be changed -- though really, it's the college/voc-ed records that need to be clear. (That's what the court-ordered name change documentation is for, to accomplish exactly this.)
Now, moving away? Yeah, that needs to happen. But perhaps you might want to consider this as a stage in becoming an adult. Get some space away from people who don't have the right narrative of you. And get away from the environment where you don't always maintain the right narrative of yourself.
QuoteAnd then there is trying to have a normal relationship with a man. I would never have a relationship without telling him I'm trans. It would be starting a relationship with a lie. I tried talking myself into believing it wouldn't be a lie because I am female but that doesn't work. I was born male and that's something a man would consider like a very big deal. I also don't think I could be stealth in a relationship. How could I explain why a girl my age can't have children, doesn't have periods and has to take estrogen? I maybe could make up some detailed lies that might work but it's not my nature to lie on that kind of scale. Plus lies ALWAYS come unraveled eventually.
This is holding you back more than anything. You seem to have the belief that your conditions at birth are somehow... permanent. Please, disavow yourself of that notion. All that exists is in the here and now -- the past no exists, and the future has yet to be, and even then it'll only "be" for an instant.
It's kind of hard to be a woman if you don't believe you're a woman.
As to what other people think, well, perhaps you might want to consider that other people are just wrong, and that their inaccuracy should not be indulged. Nor does "lying" have to be on the table -- you can honestly tell a prospective long-term relationship (not a casual lover) that you are infertile, that you have to take medication, and that you really don't like to talk about the subject.
QuoteI just feel like no matter how much hrt and surgery I have and no matter how well I pass I won't ever be a real woman.
You're already a real woman. You just haven't realized it yet.
Transgender isn't what I am. It's an adjective, a word that provides more details about one aspect of who I am.
I was born with some feminine brain structures, and some other bits of anatomy. My mind, where I live, is definitely feminine. I was also born with some male bits of anatomy. On gross inspection I got stamped and tossed in the 'male' bin, one of two that were available at the time.
Some of us are born as women. Others of us have femininity locked away inside of us, but fail to notice that we hold the key to our cell. It's not a life sentence, if we can only realize what we are, and that it is not us who doesn't want that key turned, it is our transphobic culture.
I finally realized that and turned the key.
The heck with the transphobes. Their turn to be uncomfortable. Their phobia is their problem. My turn to be free.
I am a woman.
I am a lesbian. That describes who this woman is attracted to.
I am a transgender person. That describes how I got here.
Being transgender does not fully define me. Others who have made that mistake with me have rapidly learned that error. It just describes a bit of how I arrived at this point in my life, much as my being a parent, or an engineer does. It is always a part of me, much as being a parent, or an engineer, or a lesbian is a part of me.
Do various people misgender me? Certainly. I ignore them, or mock them as warranted. Do people hate me? Certainly, just as people hate nationalities, or races, or certain hair colors. It's going to happen, and a modest amount of preparation and self-defense is warranted.
Do I have to explain myself to them? Does a gay male have to explain himself to strangers? Does an African-American have to explain themselves? Do we demand that Greeks explain themselves to strangers? No, if they want to marginalize me, they'll have to come up with the rationale to justify their bigotry.
Being alive is a life sentence. The rest is just details.
Wow. I have a completely different view. I look at life as a blessing and the greatest miracle to live this life in human form. My buddhist beliefs allows to to appreciate each day and the wonders that it brings. I am not prejudiced nor persecuated for being who I was and who I have become. I have evolved from living a wonderful life as a male to now living a more wonderful life as a female.
I can only wonder how westerners perceive being TG by reading this forum. I am saddened by all your misery, fears and persecution. I understand that western society has educated its population with a certain pre conceived concepts of right, wrong and its ridigity in how to lead the good life, with the fear of eternal hell as a consequence. I think this causes your views to be so different from mine. I cannot and nor do I seek to answer the questions of life, that requires faith and for me there is no right or wrong answer, there is only the question.
I understand that many wish to experience being a complete female. Its not possible today but who know the future. I lived a full life and have 4 children, if children is what you feel makes your life complete then freeze your sperm or adopt.
We have the greatest gift to live two lives in a lifetime. Celebrate this gift of being TG.
Quote from: Julia1996 on July 08, 2017, 07:30:28 AM
Hi everyone. I've been living as a female for 2 years now. I'm already tired of explaining to people and trying to educate them about being trans. I can't even imagine another 60-65 years of it. Once someone finds out I'm trans no matter how much they say they fully accept me as female I know they don't. Once they know I'm trans then that's all I am or ever will be to them. I'm having SRS next year and I should be happy about it and I am but I also started thinking about my life after SRS. I could try to be stealth but I would have to move to another state and I don't want to leave my family. And I don't think I can ever be totally stealth. There's always going to be something to mess it up. I was born male in 1998. I also graduated high school as a boy. Those records are in the computer system and probably also in the cloud which means they are forever. I can change my birth certificate but those records of me being born male could still pop up at any time. Then also if anyone tested my DNA then it will test male and I would be outed. And then there is trying to have a normal relationship with a man. I would never have a relationship without telling him I'm trans. It would be starting a relationship with a lie. I tried talking myself into believing it wouldn't be a lie because I am female but that doesn't work. I was born male and that's something a man would consider like a very big deal. I also don't think I could be stealth in a relationship. How could I explain why a girl my age can't have children, doesn't have periods and has to take estrogen? I maybe could make up some detailed lies that might work but it's not my nature to lie on that kind of scale. Plus lies ALWAYS come unraveled eventually.
This is all really depressing me. I know there are CIS women who can't have kids. I also know they sometimes lose relationships because of it. It's not that I even want kids. To be honest I don't really even like them. But the fact I won't ever be able to have them is just the fact I'm not "real" slapping me in the face. I just feel like no matter how much hrt and surgery I have and no matter how well I pass I won't ever be a real woman. As hateful as that dick at work was I wonder if maybe he was right about me wearing a female costume I can't take off.
Julia
That's a profound and powerful post. I think your points effect younger people the most, and I sympathize with you. As I have stated before, I think transition works best for older people. We don't have the science to make young boys into girls in all the aspects you address. Yes, when I see commercials on TV for tampons, etc., I don't get that, and never will. When I see young cis females blossom into woman hood in ways I will never know, I wish I could get that. What keeps me motivated is that I'm a tweener ... by God's will, I'm mostly female but not all the way. It's my mission to explore that and be that person. It's imperfect, but it's who I am. I'm such a better looking female than most cis females at Walmart ... yes, I can't have kids, periods, etc., but I can be the fab woman I am in all other aspects, and that makes me happy. :)
I can only give you my perspective.
Being transgender has been a life sentence for me. However it has been so because I have lived 40 years in a prison of my own mental creation. I have suppressed, denied, and turned away from my own instincts and emotions. I lived as a cardboard version of my inner being. I spent a decade essentially hiding out from general society. Another trying to figure out why I could not be the man my wife kept wanting. Never finding happiness in life. Often my daughters have been my only reason to hold onto existence.
If I could have known that transition was possible at your age I would have found any way to do it. Back then cross dressers and transsexuals were only seen as made fun of in movies. At your age it's possible to become completely passable in society without surgeries and without being seen as extremely tall or large framed for a woman.
We can all understand the feeling of being less than cis women. Always carrying that male conditioning and feeling of not belonging. To imagine what life would be like to just have grown up being natural in our gender role in society. How happy that would be compared to what we experienced.
You have such an advantage transitioning young. Even with all your hardship you get to skip so much pain. Someday you will find a man who will love you for who you are. I know it may seem hard now. There are several ladies on this site who are now happily involved with the man of their dreams. It IS possible, even if our path is harder than other girls have. I know for me I feel that spark of realness. That feeling of being myself and maybe finding happiness in who I am for the first time in my life. You have a wonderful family. Your dad, brother, have both shown you much love and compassion. Dating is hard for everyone. I waited until my late twenties before even opening myself up to the possibility of it. People in your hometown may know who you are and your history, but in the city you are just another anonymous girl. You have so many opportunities ahead of you in life. Don't get caught up in a moment of depressive thought when so much life awaits you.
Hugs ;D
When I realized I was transgender male just a few months ago, I also realized that I had just been given the key to the door of my cell on death row. My true self, the male identity, spent 47 years on death row. I couldn't stay there any longer once I had the key. I needed to leave death row.
When I spoke with my doctor that I was going to undergo hormone treatment, she said that it it's going to be a hard path to take. Probably. Reading people's stories here, it is hard. But so is staying on death row.
On the other hand, I am hopeful for the future, and your future is likely to be much longer than mine. The more society is educated about what it means to be transgender, the more there are of us, the more accepting society will become of us, and we will be richer for it. It will be slow, but it will happen. You, Julia, will be one of the main beneficiaries of this change.
Hang in there, because what is the alternative? Go back to certain death row and let the real you slowly die? Or leave death row behind and help build a world in which we celebrate the amazing diversity that constitutes humanity?
There cis partners who have fallen in love with trans women/men, and there will always be such persons out there. The younger you are, the easier it will be to find them. Stay optimistic, Julia.
At some point we have to ditch external validation. It'll drive one nuts.
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Quote from: Gertrude on July 09, 2017, 09:11:11 AM
At some point we have to ditch external validation. It'll drive one nuts.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Wow. That's a simple put truth!
Wish I could already. I need to hang out with some other trans girls in the city and start to just find confidence in my own being.
Quote from: josie76 on July 09, 2017, 09:52:38 AM
Wow. That's a simple put truth!
Wish I could already. I need to hang out with some other trans girls in the city and start to just find confidence in my own being.
me too
Quote from: Gertrude on July 09, 2017, 09:11:11 AM
At some point we have to ditch external validation. It'll drive one nuts.
Sent from my idPhone using Tapatalk
Yea... very true and quite succinctly put. In the end the validation always rings of insincere charity in our paranoid brains. Regardless of what the actual reality may be. So of what real value is it anyways?
We really do have to accept and get over ourselves at the end if we want to truly be happy.
It's ok to be trans. For life. Really. It's a beautiful thing that you are, and if you are not convinced of this perhaps you need to meet more trans people.
It's your life, but going stealth seems to me like coming out of one closet and jumping into another. The absolute best part of transition for me is that I am no longer someone with a dirty little secret. I am not about to give that up.
Quote from: warlockmaker on July 08, 2017, 10:58:29 PM
> We have the greatest gift to live two lives in a lifetime. Celebrate this gift of being TG.
^This^ viewpoint is what I aspire to.
Not being able to live as my true self would be a life sentence.
I am glad I am transgender.
I absolutely agree with what everyone has been saying, but I also see Julia's point of view. I have been wondering a lot lately about not only where I want to be, but where we are going as a community into the future. For me, it is about the traditional binary view of gender and how that is changing in society.
When I was younger (30+ years ago), it was all black-and-white for me. I wanted to be a woman...not a transwoman, not a woman who used to be a man, but simply a woman. I suppose this was my viewpoint because that is the way things were at the time...you were either a man or a woman, and there wasn't anything else. Today, my expectations may have been tempered a bit by time and experience, but I still generally feel the same. I may cognitively understand I will never be the woman I imagined as a kid, but it doesn't eliminate that desire.
Like people have mentioned above, being a transwoman/transman doesn't mean you are any less of a woman/man, and that you are yourself regardless of arbitrary gender labels. This may be a little hard to explain and I don't intend to offend anyone, but for me it is sometimes difficult to understand that today being a transwoman/transman is becoming a goal, not just the arbitrary label for someone who transitioned...does that make sense? Right or wrong, my goal was always to go "stealth" and never look back, living as a "normal" woman. If in some bizarre scenario someone were to randomly ask me if I was a man or woman, I'd say "woman". It seems now that more and more people would prefer to answer that question with "transwoman". I would never have considered that 30 years ago.
Please understand I am definitely not judging anyone for their views or trying to spark an argument, but I wanted to express my understanding of Julia's point of view.
Life is a life sentence, but it's better than the alternative. Problem free living is not an option. For anybody.
You're lovely. Enjoy your life.
One of my colleagues is known to say: "Life is a fatal sexually transmitted disease."
Therefore, keep perspective on things.
I also think it depends on your mind set, I have struggled to except that I am a trans lesbian I will find it very hard to find some one else, to me being trans is a life sentence for us ones who are not blessed with prettiness we will look at are self's as just men in dresses yes some people well said that's nonsense but this women has turned my world up side down something I will never come to terms with.
Sara
Quote from: Julia1996 on July 08, 2017, 07:30:28 AM
Hi everyone. I've been living as a female for 2 years now. I'm already tired of explaining to people and trying to educate them about being trans. I can't even imagine another 60-65 years of it. Once someone finds out I'm trans no matter how much they say they fully accept me as female I know they don't. Once they know I'm trans then that's all I am or ever will be to them. I'm having SRS next year and I should be happy about it and I am but I also started thinking about my life after SRS. I could try to be stealth but I would have to move to another state and I don't want to leave my family. And I don't think I can ever be totally stealth. There's always going to be something to mess it up. I was born male in 1998. I also graduated high school as a boy. Those records are in the computer system and probably also in the cloud which means they are forever. I can change my birth certificate but those records of me being born male could still pop up at any time. Then also if anyone tested my DNA then it will test male and I would be outed. And then there is trying to have a normal relationship with a man. I would never have a relationship without telling him I'm trans. It would be starting a relationship with a lie. I tried talking myself into believing it wouldn't be a lie because I am female but that doesn't work. I was born male and that's something a man would consider like a very big deal. I also don't think I could be stealth in a relationship. How could I explain why a girl my age can't have children, doesn't have periods and has to take estrogen? I maybe could make up some detailed lies that might work but it's not my nature to lie on that kind of scale. Plus lies ALWAYS come unraveled eventually.
This is all really depressing me. I know there are CIS women who can't have kids. I also know they sometimes lose relationships because of it. It's not that I even want kids. To be honest I don't really even like them. But the fact I won't ever be able to have them is just the fact I'm not "real" slapping me in the face. I just feel like no matter how much hrt and surgery I have and no matter how well I pass I won't ever be a real woman. As hateful as that dick at work was I wonder if maybe he was right about me wearing a female costume I can't take off.
Julia
Okay, first and formost, I'm going to fuss at you. I've been reading your posts for a while now, and even think of you as a friend. However, you are TOTALLY focused on the wrong thing.
When you talk to people, YOU ARE A WOMAN.
Not a "transwoman" (unless you want to out yourself to new people), not a girl (you're adult, after all), unless you commit a crime, your DNA won't get checked, and plenty of cis women are infertile for one reason or another.
Yeah, it sucks that you missed out on many things. I missed out on wet dreams, on having the option of turning down playing football and baseball in high school (I'm a nerd, we don't do physical sports), erections in school that make me need to cross my legs under my desk, and having my Dad teach me how to shave, among other things. Sure, I would have loved to experience them, but what can I do? Lament those facts forever, or I could do what I"m doing, which is moving forward as a man.
I recently joined an anime club, and the members only know me as a man. Not as a transman, but as a man. I'm not going stealth, it simply isn't relevant as a member. I don't plan on having sex with any of them, (as I'm in a relationship with a genderfluid man), so there is no need to educate anyone, nor for them to even know. If they ask, or somehow find out, sure, I'll tell them...maybe. And that's a huge maybe. Its simply irrelevant in the grand scheme of things.
Sure I felt guilty for "not outing myself," but as it was said to me when I went to my trans group and I said how I felt, "its simply not relevant unless I plan on having sex with any of them." As you have read above, I have taken that thought to heart.
I now live my entire life is like that. Unless its important, like to my PCP doctor, I don't tell anyone new. My old friends I'll tell when/if I meet them (I'm in a different state now), but otherwise, I introduce myself as Ryuichi and hold out my hand to be shaken, like many other men do. Its not stealth, its simply irrelevant for the most part for people to know I'm trans.
I suppose what I"m saying is that, "unless its relevant for them to know, why should they?"
Live your life. Be happy and enjoy being a "girl" (again, you're an adult). You ARE one.
Ryuichi
Quote from: Ryuichi13 on July 10, 2017, 04:52:05 PM
.....
I suppose what I"m saying is that, "unless its relevant for them to know, why should they?"
Live your life. Be happy and enjoy being a "girl" (again, you're an adult). You ARE one.
Ryuichi
Absolutely.
Life sentence? Tell me about it. But you know what's worse is, trying to keep it secret for 64 years. Either way, you are lying. Either to family and friends or you are lying to yourself. Shakespeare said. "To thine own self be true" Sounds right to me. My last year has been mostly stress-free. I came clean to everyone that matters and so far we are working through it. I'm on HRT and that is about as far as i can go. I'm finally happy if not healthy. For the first time in about thirty years, I did not fill out a depression survey last time I visited the Doctor as I am beginning to feel normal. Although everyone says they are understanding, It's stll is a little strange for them. So I take their feelings into consideration. If I were younger it would be an entirely different story, but the ability to transition was just not available when I was in my twenties.the procedures were in their infancy. We also did not have the information trove that is the internet.