Susan's Place Transgender Resources

So this is question that just runs through my mind.

I'm personally not stealth at all....But I know a lot of people are.

I am just curious to see the amount of people who are stealthy with being trans VS the amount of us who are really open about being trans. This counts for Pre and Post OP!

You didn't vote in your own poll?  :laugh: 

I'm out, because what about the children? Seriously, if my being out makes it easier for anyone then I consider it good work well done.  :)

Hugs, Devlyn

I'm into the position of not caring if someone knows.

I'm going to give stealth a shot with new relationships and interactions whenever possible. Just starting a new job as Brooke and looking forward to the new interpersonal relationships beginning as only female.

I was talking about this with my counselor last week. I do wonder how another person's knowledge of you being trans, even if your 100% passable all the time, actually affects how they see you. I think it depends on the person, but do feel it's one of those things that can't be unsaid.  Once the genie is out of the bottle, you can't really put it back in.

That said my main social group all know so it'll be interesting to see if I perceive any difference and if it takes more or less mental effort to keep the topic off the table.


~Brooke~

I'm stealth at work and probably will be stealth at my next job. I just don't want to be seen differently because I'm trans; I want to finally be treated normally. Although I plan to get involved in trans charities in future. I want to help people have better experiences than I did and educate cis people.

I'm stealth as I like my cranium. But I do look forward to joining more activities as my authentic self. Also I do love my wife of 35 years, so I tread lightly. But I'm happy the E is doing what it is supposed to. And I have no heavy loads to carry. It's great.

When "stealth" means "going around presenting as the gender assigned at birth; and "loud and proud" might mean "telling everybody I used to be a dude", I'd vote " neither". I present as female, live as female and don't give a damn if nobody knows I was not born this way.

Haha! Had to leave as soon as I posted it and just now got the chance to get back in the forums.

I'm non-stealth....Meaning I don't care if people know and I'm completely open about the fact that I'm trans.

I'm stealth, or at least try my best to be! Not very many people know I am trans, and I like to keep it that way.


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The friends and family I have back home that know, I don't mind knowing.  If thyy've known me for a long time, I'll be sure to tell them. 😉

But, I recently joined an anime club, and I'm simply one of the guys in it.  I thought about saying something, but since I have no plans of having sex with any of them, the members knowing is irrelivant.

So I suppose I'm stealth, simply because my being trans is mostly irrelivant for new people to know.

Ryuichi

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I'm stealth at work but out and proud otherwise. When I retire in August going to be out and proud all the time.

I transitioned openly so everyone at work and in my social circle know. However, I have been expanding my social life and as I make new friends I don't tell. If someone figures it out I won't deny it, but I never bring it up either.

I am retiring next year and will be moving to a new state. At that time I intend to be as stealth as possible.

There are some people it can't be kept from.

However far as I'm concerned for the rest of the world, it's private information I'm not going to volunteer.

On the 4th I participated in an event called Freedom From Pants Bike Ride in Minneapolis. Hundreds of people bike around to different parks and get drunk along the way. I did not tuck. In fact I chose underwear that emphasized my package and made it as moose-knuckled as possible. Nothing to hide!

Neither; I'm not ashamed of being trans and I make no effort to hide it, but I've lived as a woman long enough that it just rarely comes up. So I'm "semi-stealth" in some contexts (in the sense that no one knows, but I don't care if they did) and fully out in others (especially in trans spaces).

I was amused to be on a panel at a local journalists' group recently and have someone chatting with me mention that there's a trans author with the same name as mine. ;) It blew their mind to find out that I could be both a (freelance) journalist and a fiction author!

Third gender out and proud. My documentary is going global, no stealth for me.

A very different kind of total stealth. I'm totally guy inside, totally AFAB girl outside, and even after SRS I plan to present female while I'm fully transitioned (in my vision of my transition). It just feels right to me. Being bi-gender is a bit bizarre sometimes. No one except for a few will ever know I'm anything but cishet, unless I tell them.

Quote from: warlockmaker on July 15, 2017, 02:01:49 PM
Third gender out and proud. My documentary is going global, no stealth for me.

Documentary you say??? :)

Quote from: warlockmaker on July 15, 2017, 02:01:49 PM
Third gender out and proud. My documentary is going global, no stealth for me.

Really?  What's it called, I'd love to watch it!

Ryuichi

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Its filmed by Vice Media. We won awards in Shanghai and Beijing LGBT film festival. HK next then Rio and Sao Paulo. The international edition on Vice Media Utube will be out in a couple of weeks. Its taken a long time for Vice USA cos everyone had to sign releases. Will post when out.

I make an effort to be passable, but I make no effort at all to be stealth.  I live in a small village of (maybe) 300 people, so stealth is not an option.  I was active in the community before I came out and I still am, so everyone knows me before and after.  Even people I don't interact with regularly must have heard about me by now.

In the nearby town, I am not so well known.  I think I present well enough not to draw undue attention, so I probably pass if no one looks to closely.  But I make no effort to hide who I am, and if someone figures it out, I will not deny it.

The biggest part of transitioning for me is that I finally have the opportunity to be real.  No more secrets.  No more hiding.   This is me.  Deal with it.  Trying to be stealth would be like going back into a different closet.

Just yesterday, I was at the flag-raising for the local Pride Week.  I hung out with several trans friends, and most of us were wearing our trans pendants.  We were pretty obvious

Like Kathy Lauren, I'm out, and not stealth.  I DO try to pass, as a matter of safety and to make interacting with strangers in the world easier.

That said, I spent yesterday:
1)  Taking a couple of ciswomen to a drag show
2)  Attending an evening shopping event with a trans social group
3)  Taking several trans folks and the shop owner and staff out for a nice Italian dinner.

That is not stealthy behavior. ;)  :laugh:  :angel:

It must be catching

I am out and couldn't be stealthy if I tried  ;)

I don't hide it, but I also don't tell people that generally don't need to know (anybody that isn't a medical professional).

Quote from: warlockmaker on July 16, 2017, 02:04:11 AM
Its filmed by Vice Media.

Vice Media has some absolutely amazing reports.  I will be waiting to watch this one. 

I don't get out much (sad, I know), but right now at work and to the public I am stealth, which is all my interactions mainly. I love being stealth, the only exceptions are with my old friends (who knew me pre-transition and gladly accept me as the person not the gender either way, so they were totally okay with viewing me as a guy), my family (who refuse to see me as a guy), and some places on the internet (my art accounts though I don't outright say I'm trans, an old forum I've been to a long while pre-T, and this one)

I read somewhere that a pro of being out (rather than just promoting the transgender community and giving representation) is being able to discuss trans-related topics about yourself or others to non trans or other trans people. Some things about yourself shouldn't be 100% hidden from anyone, and sometimes it's nice to disclose information when you need to discuss a topic with another person.

I'm mostly anticipating being stealth, but if I meet one or two friends/companions irl who I can trust to not drastically change their attitude towards me because they are lgbt friendly then I may consider being partly "out"

I have never hidden the fact that I was transforming. Without the support of my wife, children, friends and family you would make it so hard on yourself. I live in a small town and run my own business so it's not like everyone would have not noticed. I am in Thailand at the moment about to undergo srs with Dr Chettawut and my wife can't go through town without people stopping and asking her how I am. Mind you I have been telling them for the last 6 months i'm off to get my designer fanny. If your open with people I have them for more accepting xx

Im full time so no stealth here. All my family, employees, suppliers etc have known for a while.

I never hold back my 'trans status' if it somehow comes up in conversation. I might mention I got my testosterone shot if somebody asks where I was that morning, or I might share my 'personal expertise' if the topic comes up, but I also don't make a point of telling everybody about it. Nonetheless, I'm in university and word gets around, so I'm sure a lot of people are aware of it :D

I remember talking to someone I'd just met and the subject came up, and he admitted that he sometimes messed up on my pronouns and had to correct himself. It's weird knowing that people you don't know give it so much thought, but I do like being 'the trans person' around here. Kind of normalizes the concept to people who've never met a trans person, and lets other trans people know that they're not alone. :)

I'm still transitioning (pre-op) and struggle with this. In a perfect world, I think I would be stealth and just live my life as I see fit, but it's becoming an increasing imperfect world where we have to struggle for our rights. I'm not okay with vanishing into the crowd and hoping things work out for the best for us. So...personally, I don't think I can be stealth without giving up the fight. Then again, I'm not sure how effective I would be at activism. Would what I'm able to contribute be worth enough to justify the risk?

Quote from: transguymac on July 10, 2017, 08:50:26 PM


I'm non-stealth....Meaning I don't care if people know and I'm completely open about the fact that I'm trans.

I don't care if people notice (and they can) that I am trans.  Trans is a good thing to be.  However, if they notice and still misgender me, a pox on them.

Quote from: Cailan Jerika on July 15, 2017, 02:41:35 PM
cishet

I know this was posted a month ago, but is it really OK to just use a slur like this on the website? it's so demeaning to cis people, who are the majority of people on this earth... why would you call them that?  :(

I've been living full time now going on 10 years. I wouldn't call myself stealth mode, but I also don't go out of my way to be "loud and proud"
Something I gave up on year two was voice lessons or trying to alter my voice. Couldn't care less if anyone figures out who I am by my voice. I'm long over feelings of dysphoria if I get called sir on the phone, but I am quick to correc them which always illicits an apology.

I havent transitioned but would go stealth if possible.

Quote from: undautri on August 14, 2017, 06:47:53 PM
I know this was posted a month ago, but is it really OK to just use a slur like this on the website? it's so demeaning to cis people, who are the majority of people on this earth... why would you call them that?  :(

When did cishet become a slur? It just means someone who is not LGBT. AKA "normal" in the popular meaning, but since we don't like to think of ourselves as being "not normal" we came up with another term. Similarly, in the autism community (my son is autism) we call those not on the autism spectrum (including ourselves/parents, etc) "neurotypical."

Quote from: Cailan Jerika on August 15, 2017, 12:44:15 AM
When did cishet become a slur? It just means someone who is not LGBT. AKA "normal" in the popular meaning, but since we don't like to think of ourselves as being "not normal" we came up with another term. Similarly, in the autism community (my son is autism) we call those not on the autism spectrum (including ourselves/parents, etc) "neurotypical."

usually when you want to refer to a cisgendered person, you just call them Cis. Only ever seen cishet used as an insult. Maybe I'm wrong, sorry if I am, but I have never seen it used in a friendly context. Only ever seen it used for derision.

Basically, applying an unwanted label to anyone is poor form.

When my naive dreams of being "changed into a woman" by puberty were lost I faced the facts and knew of no alternative in 1963.  Since no one really talked to us as kids about sex and gender I had resorted to magical thinking and hoped that puberty, as experienced by my older sister, could work for me too.  Instead I got stupid boners, zits, a voice change and a growth spurt that called me out as boy to man.  Coping with that reality for the next few decades ensured that my eventual transition was not likely going to make me a candidate for passing, much less stealth.

Accepting that truth about myself, I have appreciated being out, visible, and approachable to those curious folks who may be educable.  The truth is that I am a person who is transgender, among many other descriptors, and have the confidence and desire to live publicly.  Closets are for clothes. ;) :D  Secrets become toxic in the dark.

I think because I try to blend 100% of the time, and avoid disclosure, that I am stealth.  I may get clocked, but I do not voluntarily disclose unless there is a medical reason to do so.

I have only been on HRT (MTF) for one month now and still present as male out and about.  I'm choosing to take the transition kind of slowly.  Not really interested personally in going out in public dressed as female, until I reach a certain level of acceptance of myself. ha ha.  Not that I intend to wait til I can "Pass" because I very much recognize that I may never be able to pass.  But, want to at least be closer to being able to, so I want to give the HRT a good bit of time to do whatever it is going to do, which I realize may not be much.

  But anyway, I said "Non-Stealth" because pretty much all of my friends, family, and extended family, and my wife's family all know now due to a bit of a post explosion that happened on facebook, and my posting about the whole Trump-Transgender-Military crap.  I had some close family members get on my post and say some terrible things about Transgender people, to which I ended up replying, and before I knew it, I basically outed myself to all of my 400 plus facebook friends and family.   The repercussions of which have been pretty brutal.  AHHHH  My wife's grandma basically disowned her over it.  My mother lost her mind and is now reading all of Walt Heyer's books and is convinced that he is right, and that something must have happened to me as a kid that caused this, and that it can be fixed.   So it's quite a ->-bleeped-<- storm I've been dealing with for the past couple months.  But regardless...I am still taking my HRT and going forward.....carefully.  But not hiding it anymore.  Just not yet presenting as female in public.  I do plan to have GRS in the next couple years or so too.  I personally feel like that is none of my family or friends business, other than my wife who is the only one truly affected by it, unlike my family who only think it somehow affects them.   If I could pass, I would never tell anybody, and would just allow anyone I come across (unless I was single and dating) to believe I was cis, yet married to a woman.  Since I am pretty sure I will not be able to pass however, I will obviously not even have to tell people I go around. They will just know.  ha ha.   I sometimes would be happy even still presenting as a man, but having a vagina.  Atleast that way I will know I am female both inside and as far as my sex organs go, and could dress how I wanted to occasionally, but wouldn't have to worry about the issues of not passing in public.  I don't know.  We shall see how this whole thing progresses.

Im out and open. I dont volunteer that im trans, but will answer polight questions, either with the info or a "none of your business"

I planned on being total stealth, even moving, had it all planned buuuuut yea no. I am out everywhere 'cept at work (5 hours a day, 5 days a week) even though I maintain a non disruptive attitude (that means I cuss and yell at men when men are being men and talking crap like 12 year olds) I know they all know, it is just something not talked about yet, which is cool too.
So I am out and proud and a semi clandestine not so much covert stealth at work till FFS.

I've been living full time for over 20 years, so I better not be stealth.

I couldn't answer in the formfill radiobutton things. I'm out and proud in political contexts and at protests and at support groups. I'm proudly trans on tv somewhat often. I speak in newspaper interviews.

I am totally stealth to most of my neighbors. I can be laughably feminine and I don't lie, but the only people who notice I'm trans are the ones who know enough to be respectful. Most of my neighbors just think I'm a stupid young white kid who has a kid. They're all nice. The ones who are liberal usually clock me and move along.

The ones who read me as gay either call me a ->-bleeped-<- or come up with elaborate ways to show me they know without saying they know. Even my hard-right neighbors make a comment to display that they accept me before they go back to being bigoted toward others. I'm "one of the good ones."

All that said, I usually feel like whether I'm out or stealth isn't my decision to make.

I don't tell unless they ask. I only say I'm trans to those close to me, which would be mi family, mi only friend and my partner. Of course, people who knew me before know, but they never say a world about it. Some of my classmates still refer to me as a male and use my old name, but I never had time to engage in a serious conversation to come out to them. THere are a few classmates that play at the orchestr with me. They must have noticed the name change in the programe. They all treat me as a girl, never had any problem with that.

My answer would be proud, but not necesarily loud. I found out this way that a lot of people take this things as something natural. Like "He is a she now, let's have a girls talk".

Going with loud and proud. I live , work, eat and breath as female. Its just feels natural. Cant wait for FFS next year.

Huggs Niki

Stealth!
With the exception of my family and those few friends I still have who already knew me before I transitioned.