Hi everyone. So last night I went to a trans support group for the first time. I hate to say this but it was a horrible experience and I would never go back. There were more people there than I expected. It was a mix of ages. I had been wearing my contact lenses all day and my eyes were bothering me a lot so I took them out before I went. I am uncomfortable in public without my colored lenses. They give my eyes a normal color. Naturally they are a light violet color that sounds pretty but it's not. It looks very strange. But I didn't worry about it because I figured I would be among people who were different themselves so no one was going to think I was a freak or judge me. That sure was WRONG. As soon as I walked into the room everyone stared at me and the conversations people were having turned into whispering and nudging each other to look at me. But I'm kind of used to that reaction so I thought once they all had a good look it would stop. I noticed one girl with her cis boyfriend looking at me. The boyfriend was staring holes through me. So I got out my phone and started checking my emails and when I looked up he was standing in front of me looking at me. He said "Stahma Tarr" I said excuse me. He said "Stahma Tarr. You look like her." I asked who the hell was that and he said she was an albino alien from the show Defiance. Of course she was an alien. I would never look like a human character. His girlfriend dragged him away and told me over her shoulder that she was very pretty and that he totally meant it as a compliment. Then a girl around my age sat next to me and introduced herself. She seemed nice and we talked a little bit. But then she said she liked my "look" but that I needed to wear different contact lenses because the ones I was wearing were totally "creepy". I told her I wasn't wearing contact lenses and she looked at my eyes really closely and then she said "OMG you're not! Oh you poor thing I'm so sorry. " Then she said she had to pee and when she came back she moved to a seat across the room. I just put on my sunglasses and left them on the rest of the night. Then the meeting started. About 10 minutes in a woman in her 60s came in and sat down. Her name was Leona. The women sitting next to me started whispering to each other and laughing. "Of course she's late. HE has to wait until it's dark outside so no one can see her." Then " why doesn't she shave those wooly arms? " And "she could take the head off a mop and put it on her head and it would look better than that cheap nappy wig " they just kept on destroying this woman and misgendering her and laughing. I finally couldn't listen to any more. I told them they were a couple of hateful bitches and neither one of them could exactly do runway modeling and I changed seats. Then a while later a woman was coming back from the bathroom. She was extremely tall and she smacked her head on a light fixture on the way back to her seat. The whole room laughed. She was really embarrassed and you could see she was almost in tears but people kept on laughing.
This was a AWFUL experience for me. I was upset and hurt by the way I was treated but at least I understand it. Most people have never seen an albino in person. But for transwomen to rip apart another transwoman and enjoy it so much is just something I would never have imagined. It blows my mind. Because Leona wasn't passable she doesn't have feelings? I spoke to her and she is a sweet and lovely woman.
This whole thing has depressed me. If trans people can be so cruel and disrespectful to EACH OTHER what possible hope will there ever be for cis people to treat us with respect? ?
Julia
Sounds more like a club than a support meeting. I've never been to one where the facilitator would allow behaviour like that, especially laughing at someone. Where did you go?
For anyone looking for a support group, we have quite a few listings in the Links Directory. https://www.susans.org/links/Local_Support_Groups_&_Organizations/ We're always looking for new ones, so if you know of a support group, please submit it to the directory.
Hugs, Devlyn
It was at someone's home. I don't know if there even was a moderator. There was the woman who started it and who hosted it but she didn't seem like she was doing much more than talking to her friends. What's the difference between a club and support meeting?
OMG Julia, that's horrible! I gasped several times reading your post. I'm so sorry you had to deal with this in a supposedly 'supportive' environment. :(
That account had me in tears myself.
Horrible. But people can be incredibly rude in the US. Just read the troll comments under anything at all posted on the internet. Sometimes I go after them for attacking someone, but it does no good-they seem utterly brainless as well. Their ignorance is staggering. Perhaps it's because so many American parents allow the media to raise their kids?
Hello Julia,
I am sorry to hear that your first gathering of transgender folks was so bad. I have been to a few different groups and while some were better or more relevant than others, none of them were that disrespectful or mean spirited. It should have been addressed and dealt with, either by a moderator or just the other folks there. I am not aware of any gathering, transgender or CIS that people would be allowed to be openly disrespectful of others. I am glad to hear that you spoke up to the two women in the manner that you did, it took strength to be that expressive in a strange and uncomfortable environment. Go girl!
As for clubs vs support groups, they have some things in common and some distinct differences. Clubs tend to gather for shared interests. There is a "Club" of transgender women in a city near me that gets together every weekend for the express purpose getting dinner out and then clubbing. They dance until closing time, grab a bite to eat and head home near sunrise. I wish that I still had the stamina for such things. Support groups are usually set up with the purpose of providing a safe environment for people to come and learn, experience, share time with other curious people. There is one just north of where I live that caters to a broad mix of LGBTQ community members that for the most part are new to knowing themselves. A moderator is there to keep some form of sanity to the gathering and protect the environment so that people are not treated the way you experienced at your gathering. I have to believe that had anyone been as disrespectful as you describe it would have been swiftly dealt with. Many times those that attend some of the support groups will join with like minded folks for friendships and/or off site meals and smaller gatherings, perhaps verging on loose knit club concepts.
I have made some close contacts through support group/clubs that have become dear friends, the kind of friends that I rely on to keep me sane and alive.
Anne
That's awful shame on them
Julia I think you did the right thing. You are strong but I am also concerned about several of the people you are describing in the meeting.
If you have a way to contact the person who hosted this meeting and are comfortable doing so, you might want to help them understand the potentially serious or permanent consequences of their actions. They might believe the opposite and feel they benefited the community by opening up their home and hosting - or they might blame someone else for not adequately facilitating. Regardless, the end result was irresponsible. Remind this person of the very real statistics we face and must overcome.
A couple thoughts here. I agree that this does not sound like a typical (or professional) support group. Support groups are supposed to have moderators for this exact reason. This is a toxic group that I agree you should take no further part in.
Sadly what you've seen though is that within any "minority" group, people can be just as bad or worse than the behavior they claim to fight against in their oppressors. It's not everyone but it's just like any other social group, there are some good and some bad. Is it hypocritical, yes for sure. But there are hypocrites in all walks of life.
Perhaps the insecurity these people feel about themselves from their own situation also is part of the cause. Its not uncommon at all for people to respond to their own insecurities by attacking those of others. Clearly this group of people has no desire to support each other. It sounds very clique-ish and not at all productive. I'm so sorry to hear you even had to go through this.
I duno how people can be so shocked in seeing someone who is albino, it seems so dumb, I had a friend who was Albino and it never shocked me when I first met her, like I knew it existed, you'd have to be living under a rock not to know.
It does sound terrible though.
But I would be lying if I didn't kinda lol at the image of someone knocking ther head on a light fixture. Haha
For the reason these people laughed it's horrible though, I just mean anyone walking into something lol
I have never been to a group meeting, I'm thinking about doing it sometime though... Kinda scary
Sounds like a club more than a support group. You should find one at a lgbt charity/centre. All the trans groups I've been to are lovely. Don't give up :)
The women gossiping about Leona was the most awful part for me.
On the bright side, I looked up Stahma Tarr (you probably did too) and she's indeed gorgeous. So at least that was a compliment for real.
Quote from: Rachel_Christina on July 14, 2017, 02:04:04 PM
I duno how people can be so shocked in seeing someone who is albino, it seems so dumb, I had a friend who was Albino and it never shocked me when I first met her, like I knew it existed, you'd have to be living under a rock not to know.
It does sound terrible though.
But I would be lying if I didn't kinda lol at the image of someone knocking ther head on a light fixture. Haha
For the reason these people laughed it's horrible though, I just mean anyone walking into something lol
I have never been to a group meeting, I'm thinking about doing it sometime though... Kinda scary
You would be amazed at the way people act and the things they say to people who are "different". Once I was in line to pay for gas and the guy in front of me had a prosthetic arm. I thought it looked really cool myself but when the guy handed the clerk the money with the prosthetic hand the clerk actually backed up and asked the guy to put the money on the counter because he didn't want to touch that "thing". People don't think or even care what they say to others. I've had people openly gawk and say all kinds of things to me. It doesn't really bother me that much anymore because I expect it. What bothered me so much this time was that it was from people I was at first comfortable with and that I would have thought they would totally be the last ones to judge and make fun of another person. But I agree how they treated Leona was way worse. Not everyone was nasty. I did speak to a couple of women and a transguy that were very nice.
Call me cynical, but I don't think we're any different to anyone else just because we're trans. I'd have liked to think so, but you can see it online all the time. Trans people are just the usual mix of people.
Half of what you posted was I think just people being awkward by accident. I can imagine they thought the way you look was on purpose, and probably felt really bad afterwards - moving to sit across the room is a sign of that.
I've met a fair number of trans people in person now, maybe 50+, and I've never encountered anything like that. I have met some quite unusual people, and some I really don't get on with, but no one so offensive.
As for the rest all I can say is don't take it personally. People behaving like that is no reflection on you, its all about them. Why be upset about it? Personally I find that sort of thing annoying and if I were nicer about it I'd feel sorry for them (but I'm not).
It's crazy Julia what people think they can get away with.
Pay no heed!
I always have been just a "regular guy" so I never felt with this really, but I am sure I will get my fair share of duds saying the most ridiculous things now that I am out as trans..
I'm sorry you had this awful experience. I would invite you to mine, but it is veterans only. If you were closer, I would totally invite you to my home to start a real/new group.
I second, third and fourth what everyone else is saying so I won't repeat it all.
However, I had to hop on to say that the Stahma thing was definitely a compliment. Her character is hot as ****.
Like in the top 5 hot as **** characters of all time for me, personally. I was bummed as hell when they cancelled that show.
She makes my fiancée's tongue wag, too.
There are two support groups I attend. One is at my primary care (Mazzoni Center) which now houses the behavioral unit. There is a licensed social worker there to moderate and there are rules that must be followed.
At the William Way LGBTQI center there is a group that is moderated by a mature trans woman who is very good at moderating. That group is more a social group but everyone is supportive. The conversations can be much more open and real with no fear of being 302ed.
You went to a social group with little or no fame work and sounds petty and immature. Search out a moderated trans group with rules that keep everyone safe.
Julia, you are beautiful and you sound sweet from your posts. I am very sorry this happened to you.
I find the lack of maturity displayed by the attendees rather shocking in every way. These were adults but were acting like a bunch of kindergarden level kids, if not worse.
I'm also amazed at how people respond to Albinos. I had a class mate in high school who was Albino and we all had a crush on him ( not me, I just wanted his hair, eyes and height :D ) .
When it comes to being stared at, I've been advised to look back at them until they avert their eyes. Most will avert their eyes and that is a sign that you have taken on the position of power. You need to learn not to look away from those who stare at you because that way you are handing power over to them. Take control of the situation and look firmly back at them. I've had to learn that myself because I do get stared at because I don't fit the female stereotype, and it takes people a long time to try to figure me out and find a stereotypical box to squash me into, and they do so by staring at me. I just look back at them directly, and they virtually immediately look away. YEAH! It is a very empowering feeling.
Wow, Julia! That place sounds worse than the trans support group I used to attend at the Tenderloin Self Help Center in San Francisco. At least I only experienced racial bigotry, especially towards Caucasians. Nitpicking about eye color or a wig just shows how much humanity has failed to evolve from our simian ancestors.
Quote from: Dan on July 14, 2017, 09:27:48 PM
I find the lack of maturity displayed by the attendees rather shocking in every way. These were adults but were acting like a bunch of kindergarden level kids, if not worse.
I'm also amazed at how people respond to Albinos. I had a class mate in high school who was Albino and we all had a crush on him ( not me, I just wanted his hair, eyes and height :D ) .
When it comes to being stared at, I've been advised to look back at them until they avert their eyes. Most will avert their eyes and that is a sign that you have taken on the position of power. You need to learn not to look away from those who stare at you because that way you are handing power over to them. Take control of the situation and look firmly back at them. I've had to learn that myself because I do get stared at because I don't fit the female stereotype, and it takes people a long time to try to figure me out and find a stereotypical box to squash me into, and they do so by staring at me. I just look back at them directly, and they virtually immediately look away. YEAH! It is a very empowering feeling.
I'm pretty used to being stared at. It really only bothers me when I'm in a large group of people and a lot of them are staring at me. If it's just a single person I do stare back at them and like you said they drop their eyes. If my brother is with me I don't have to do anything. He'll say "give me your number and I'll text you a picture of her so you don't have to hurt your eyes staring so hard." He will get loud about it too. I've had people ask me some of the stupidest questions that make me laugh rather than get mad. Like, can I see in the dark? Will I have a seizure if sunlight touches my skin? Can I tolerate cold better than normal people? Do I glow in blacklight? My favorite question which a lot of people have asked me is, since I can't be in sunlight why don't I just use a tanning bed and get tan that way? DUHHH. LOL!
I wish the support group in my area was still active, although if this is the norm, maybe not.
I went to middle school with a girl with violet eyes. The home ec teacher left our class unattended for a few minutes and some guys decided they wanted a closer look, so they grabbed her, threw her down on one of the tables, and pried her eyes open with her screaming the entire time. That's like seared into my memory. Shudder.
Sorry for what you have to put up with.
I am not exactly sure why would you want transgender support group in your situation in the first place. You're so much ahead of many in the process, you have supporting family and friends. If you just wanted to grow your social network, I'd say join some hobby club or activity group. Ballet dancing or yours would do much more for you than hanging around with bunch of older cross dressers who are afraid to come out publicly...
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I attend a support group that is structured and moderated by two professional licensed social workers. There are four rules: no dating, nothing leaves the room, the room is a safe space and no talking about anyone who is not present. We have an after meeting dinner group and the same rules hold. Everyone follows them. You found a bad group. There are better groups out there but you will have to work a little to find one.
Sounds like a horrible place. You should not go back there. People can be so cruel. You are strong telling them off, the ones who mocked the lady coming late.
About the compliment, take it. Stahma Tarr is beautiful.
Oh wow Julia, how horrible! It sounds like you went to a social club, NOT a trans support group! What horrible people!
Trust me, not every group is like that. My local group is full of wonderful, encouraging people, and non-trans poople are not allowed, which means safe space for us to be ourselves.
You need to find a different group altogether!
Ryuichi
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Quote from: Julia1996 on July 14, 2017, 10:04:49 PM
Like, can I see in the dark? Will I have a seizure if sunlight touches my skin? Can I tolerate cold better than normal people? Do I glow in blacklight? My favorite question which a lot of people have asked me is, since I can't be in sunlight why don't I just use a tanning bed and get tan that way? DUHHH. LOL!
Sometimes I worry about the education system in our country.
I used to go to a meeting of trans people here in Brazil, but unfortunately things were not very different here.
I am not albino and I cannot put myself in your place, but I also differed much fom of the other trans people who frequented the group, which made me not be accepted as well.
More than half of the people that attended the meetings were trans men, and they were in a sort of exclusive group of trans men who did not mix much with the rest of the group. They were all funky and not too keen to interact with others out of their club.
The trans women, for the most part, were very poor... they were mostly people who suffered a lot in their lives because of the lack of opportunities. Most of them were black or mixed and had to work as prostitutes on the streets... I could feel their eyes penetrating me as if they were angry with me because I did not share their life story.
At the time I was a shy woman, not yet very advanced in my transition, with the hair still on my shoulders... I was studying at the best university of the country, I was white, I had a car and a family that accepted me... They apparently hated to see someone like me right there in the middle of them ... I was too privileged to be accepted into a group of excluded people.
The exceptions were mostly a few other "privileged" transgender women who were still quite early in their transitions, but they also did not seem especially interested in my friendship. They were still struggling with their families and still living in their "male modes"... I was probably too "advanced" in my transition to be their friends... I don't know.
Two trans women I met at those meetings even invited me out. One of them apparently was more interested in my car than in my friendship... I realized later that she asked me to go out with her a few times, but what she really wanted was a ride.
And the other trans woman I met ... proved to be a viper. Just as the people you reported, this trans woman loved to speak ill of less passable trans women, offending them and doing little of them... she loved to create arguments and offend people on Facebook...
Anyway, after that disappointment I also stopped attending those meetings ... and I got away from the whole brazilian trans community at the same time. I deleted my facebook and all the social networks that I frequented openly as trans. (except here)...
You know what? I am happier alone than in bad company.
Many trans don't like mingling with other trans, I have friends like this. Specially the paranoid stealths ones :D
I remember during my first coming out stage about 10 years ago, support groups were striving and attracted all sorts of tg-people. Meetings I attended, would easily have 20 or more members, both old-timers and new. I guess it changed overtime with meetup and wider acceptance in our society. Those who are more passable and bold moved into new less secluded formats. Who is left (at least in the support group I am talking)? 4 old ladies, liking each other company once a month. I think support groups glory days are in the past though
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I feel like even within the trans community, there are a lot of "competition" going on to make themselves feel better (like those bullies who bully others to define their own worth). I think we as a trans community should support and help each other instead of attacking each other. I am sorry to hear that you had such a horrible experience. I have only been to a support group near my area once. I stopped going simply because I was so busy with school, but from my experience I thought it was great to see and talk to someone who share the same background as you.
That is an awful experience for sure. The support group I have attended takes place at the city Pride center. It is guided by a member "facilitator". No licensed counselor. It is a group of mixed ages from 18 to nearly 70. Everyone there is trans fem themselves. No SOs are allowed.
The girls are very supportive of each other. None of that nit picking. Some newer members come dressed in their man clothes. They experience the disphoria but have not decided if transition is fo them. Some come as their only night out dressed as themselves. Some are living full time and have been able to change their names legally. There is a set pattern to the meetings. Some talk a lot about their issues some do not share and just feel better by coming. It's a supportive environment with others contributing suggestions to another's issues of the day.
I wish you could find a group like this one.
This account is absolutely terrifying and horrible at the same time. This is what has kept me from attending meet ups.
Quote from: Natalia on July 15, 2017, 08:05:42 AM
More than half of the people that attended the meetings were trans men, and they were in a sort of exclusive group of trans men who did not mix much with the rest of the group. They were all funky and not too keen to interact with others out of their club.
Hi Natalia,
This happen to me as well when I went to a Transgender support group at the Sherbourne Health Centre in Toronto. The trans men were quite cliquey. I remember one time when we broke up into groups and I went to join their group and they all just stared at me so I switched to another group. I guess they didn't think I would have anything useful to add to the conversation but they didn't have to make me feel like crap.
This support group had two professional moderators but I definitely felt out of place at times. The age difference seem to be the other problem. I often got the feeling that us older trans people were looked down on by the younger crowd. We weren't as legitimate as them. As the weeks went by more and more of the older people didn't return.
I wish I had a better experience. I believe that set me back quite a lot in my transition.
Take care,
Paige :)
Without a doubt, Julia encountered a horrible group, from which she should run like hell.
That said, I sincerely hope that she finds another. Group support is an essential part of transition--more often than not it is in group that we learn empathy for other trans people, which in turn is how we learn empathy for ourselves. We also come face to face with transpeople, exactly the same phenomenon that happens every time your spouse, significant other, friends, family or co-workers encounter you. Seeing this from the other side is crucial for transitioning relationships.
The best group I have found is 80 miles from my home, but I often find it worth it to make the drive. I've learned a lot from these men and women (about half of my group is transmen--how cool is that!), and I wouldn't be where I am without them.
Seattle has an excellent support resource - the Ingersoll Gender Center, weekly meetings since 1977 but only useful for people in the local area.
That's an additional reason Susan's Place is so awesome. To get here you don't have to deal with traffic jams, bus fare or expensive parking. For the price of parking two hours in a city we can all pitch in and help keep Susan's available for everyone!
I say Julia in particular don't need to seek any trans-support group. People there are usually way too much stressed on issues of coming out (or not) and finding acceptance. She already has those from her family and friends. For any transition-related advice, she can hit Susan's :)
I mean if she finds a nice support group where she feels at home, that would be wonderful. Yet chances are she would find such a group among other (not trans) people, and probably more likely outside of LGBT community than inside
Quote from: josie76 on July 19, 2017, 07:20:30 AM
That is an awful experience for sure. The support group I have attended takes place at the city Pride center. It is guided by a member "facilitator". No licensed counselor. It is a group of mixed ages from 18 to nearly 70. Everyone there is trans fem themselves. No SOs are allowed.
The girls are very supportive of each other. None of that nit picking. Some newer members come dressed in their man clothes. They experience the disphoria but have not decided if transition is fo them. Some come as their only night out dressed as themselves. Some are living full time and have been able to change their names legally. There is a set pattern to the meetings. Some talk a lot about their issues some do not share and just feel better by coming. It's a supportive environment with others contributing suggestions to another's issues of the day.
I wish you could find a group like this one.
That sounds very much like the group I attend. Ours has a mix of trans men, trans women, and non-binary. The first Saturday of the month is femme day; the second Saturday is masc day; the third is all trans; and the fourth is all trans plus significant others. If there is a fifth Saturday, it is non-binary. (Otherwise, NBs are encouraged to attend the femme or masc sessions as they see fit.)
There is a broad mix of ages, economic levels, educational experience, and transition status. The member facilitator keeps order, and ensures that the rules are followed. Aside from the obvious rules of confidentiality, one major rule is that there is no wrong way to be trans, so no bashing what someone else feels is right for them.
Disciplinary action has only had to be taken once. Someone was asked to leave for outing another member in public.
There are good groups out there, and it is worthwhile to seek one out. Where I am at right now, I don't mind skipping out of group meetings, because my need is for social contact rather than support. But I know that I will need support when it comes time to get serious about GRS, and I will be attending regularly again.
Julia, I hope you are able to find a better group that will meet your needs.
Well I just googled Stahma Tarr and she's gorgeous but he could have said something more than she was an "albino alien", surely he knew that was out of context? This whole story just goes to show you, being trans does not mean we are all good people.
Quote from: SerenaOhSerena on July 19, 2017, 07:54:10 PM
Well I just googled Stahma Tarr and she's gorgeous but he could have said something more than she was an "albino alien", surely he knew that was out of context? This whole story just goes to show you, being trans does not mean we are all good people.
I think in general we're worse people than your imaginary good law-abiding neighbors next door. Hiding our deep secrets, loathing in shame, dropping friendships because we want to fit in and not be outed ourselves.
Not totally bad like child molesters, but definitely not above the crowd
Quote from: elkie-t on July 19, 2017, 08:59:44 PM
I think in general we're worse people than your imaginary good law-abiding neighbors next door. Hiding our deep secrets, loathing in shame, dropping friendships because we want to fit in and not be outed ourselves.
Not totally bad like child molesters, but definitely not above the crowd
I would argue that point. There are things in my personal life that aren't other peoples business. If asked, I don't lie but there is nothing that says everything about me needs to be public knowledge. Even on this site, I don't discuss my personal issues. Why? I feel I can deal with my issues and the issues faced by the members are far more serious that mine. There is no need for me to trouble others with my problems. I have lost contact with the people I knew over the years. This is normal when you are as old as I am. People drift out of your life and you lose the ability to find them again. In addition, I am always willing to do others favors without expecting repayment as long as the privilege isn't abused.
Quote from: elkie-t on July 19, 2017, 08:59:44 PM
I think in general we're worse people than your imaginary good law-abiding neighbors next door. Hiding our deep secrets, loathing in shame, dropping friendships because we want to fit in and not be outed ourselves.
Not totally bad like child molesters, but definitely not above the crowd
That's how Hollywood used to betray us. Oops! I mean portray us.
Quote from: elkie-t on July 19, 2017, 08:59:44 PM
I think in general we're worse people than your imaginary good law-abiding neighbors next door. Hiding our deep secrets, loathing in shame, dropping friendships because we want to fit in and not be outed ourselves.
Not totally bad like child molesters, but definitely not above the crowd
If you want to see yourself that way, go right ahead, but you might want to avoid tarring us all with the same brush. As it turns out, I failed to keep my "dark secret" and had little shame or self loathing. I've got friends I've known for 30ish years, didn't drop them because they accepted me as I was.. They are still my friends.
Comparig us to child molesters is not a good thing.
That sounds terrible..but good for you for standing up for decent behaviour.
I had a si ilar e perience when I went to a support group that was more about cross dressers getting spanked. I've no problem with that..but it was too overtly sexual for a support session
Quote from: elkie-t on July 19, 2017, 08:59:44 PM
I think in general we're worse people than your imaginary good law-abiding neighbors next door. Hiding our deep secrets, loathing in shame, dropping friendships because we want to fit in and not be outed ourselves.
Not totally bad like child molesters, but definitely not above the crowd
I completely disagree. None of those things you mentioned makes a bad person, it just makes us human. Cis people also hide things, lose friends, and feel shame. Again, that's only human.
I, for one, consider myself a good person :) and being trans and having a personal journey to live does not make me less than that.
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a) my comments weren't targeting any one in particular (but maybe me). I'm not saying each and every trans-person has done some things in the past (such as being dishonest with their partner or friends), just that a sizable percentage of our community did (especially those still living in closet or coming out late in their life). I apply all I said to myself first, and you may apply it to yourself or not (just be totally honest to yourself).
2) being trans does not make you a worse person. Hiding the fact, you are a trans does not making you a bad person. But lying to your partners because you don't want them to know, acting behind your spouse back, distancing yourself from your trans-friends when they out as trans and you don't want to be outed with them are just a few examples of things, that we might not be really proud of, if being honest with our conscience.
3) and notice, I said 'imaginary' good law-abiding neighbors. Such people don't exist. Most humans have some skeletons in their dark corners. I am saying, one shouldn't expect LGBT crowd to be better than the average Joes, we know we weren't perfect, we don't know about Joes' problems and shortcomings
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Hi Julia,
It is sad that your experience was so negative for you. Unfortunately an encounter in a meeting such as this can be as bad as some of the nastiness you find on social media these days. I went to one such meeting myself and like you did not find it a very friendly experience. Perhaps with time and regular attendance it could become a comfortable place to share what is happening with myself and possible a place where I could be of help to someone else someday. But for me I did not like the location and am not likely to return.
One positive thing about it for me was that I was able to meet someone else from these forums there and we have become friends.
I did much better meeting 9 of the ladies here IRL while on my month long road trip. One on one they turned out to be awesome people and each has helped me accept myself more and become more confident. though I encountered all of them here on Susan's Place before and had interacted with some of them quite a bit there were other I barely knew. All were a joy to meet in person and talking to them personally help me in some way. I only hope they got something in return from me.
So Julia I'm trying to say perhaps the group meetings will not work for you though they possibly could given time, you might benefit more by finding individuals close to you and develop a relationship online then perhaps meeting them offline as I did.
I wish you better experiences in the future and all the joy you can stand.
Hugs,
Laurie
Quote from: elkie-t on July 20, 2017, 10:06:40 AM
a) my comments weren't targeting any one in particular (but maybe me). I'm not saying each and every trans-person has done some things in the past (such as being dishonest with their partner or friends), just that a sizable percentage of our community did (especially those still living in closet or coming out late in their life). I apply all I said to myself first, and you may apply it to yourself or not (just be totally honest to yourself).
2) being trans does not make you a worse person. Hiding the fact, you are a trans does not making you a bad person. But lying to your partners because you don't want them to know, acting behind your spouse back, distancing yourself from your trans-friends when they out as trans and you don't want to be outed with them are just a few examples of things, that we might not be really proud of, if being honest with our conscience.
3) and notice, I said 'imaginary' good law-abiding neighbors. Such people don't exist. Most humans have some skeletons in their dark corners. I am saying, one shouldn't expect LGBT crowd to be better than the average Joes, we know we weren't perfect, we don't know about Joes' problems and shortcomings
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Ohh I got your point now. I guess your first post came off wrong.
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