In my youth, I was a player, always trying to have a girl. It was a serious obsession. I wonder if all or part of the reason was I wanted to be them. If I couldnt be them, at least I could be with them. Has this ever been defined as a thing for transgendered people or is it a bit of a stretch?
I think you are stretching it. One thing I have noticed among the trans women I've met, regardless of when they transitioned, or how they came to realize they're trans, or how 'feminine or not' they were before transition, is their lifelong attitude of respect for other women.
I've been there. I was always that alpha male jock type in high school and college and beyond that had no issues getting women. While I had always had transgender thoughts from a very young age I feel like a lot of times, chasing after women and going after cheap sex was a way for me to fight my body's natural propensity toward femininity. Same with playing sports(I played football in college) and bodybuilding post college. All of that was a way for me to try and fight the feminity inside me and rid myself of it. Didn't work.
Just the opposite for me. Not that type of person.
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I thought about this after my thread about trans n fetish feelings at the same time. If that can be a coping mechanism then maybe this also is a way to cope with dysphoria.
What does being a player involve exactly? Hanging around the club till closing time with a beer in hand and a low buttoned shirt, shouting pick up lines over some techno noise, into the ears of ladettes?
I was the exact opposite. I've only ever been on two dates in my entire life, and just decided it wasn't for me. It didn't feel right, and it took me 15 years or so to figure out why. ??? And another 10 to do something about it... :(
A player were i am, is a term given to a guy that says what girls like, even if its a lie, to get into their pants.
"This is not an accusation" I understand words change meaning over language and location.
Do I think, trying to "be with a girl in a sexual sense can relate to being trans" no.
But spending time with and preferring their company? possibly. If you told me you felt that's what you were supposed and/or expected to do. And did this in attempt to better portray an expected part, maybe, but i would think this processing would be something you would be aware you were doing.
If those desires existed from within yourself as apposed to external stimuli, then i would think, that this is a case of for example,
an act of/or attempting to go to bed with, "sexual orientation"
and not, who you go to bed as, (sexual/gender identity)
I wonder if it was part of the whole trying to be a macho man thing.
I have sometimes wonder the same thing. As for me (as I think about the past) it became almost a copping mechanism, not to the dysphoria per say, but to the lonelines and feeling of isolation.
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Maybe? Never thought of it like that. Cant say I was much like that. I may have tried to date females, but my dating ideas not just for sex or chasing them like that. It was to built a life I guess you could say.
You talk to your therapist about his hun?
This is interesting. I think it is like a way of coping. I'm not into women but before transition I was quite a little slut with guys. It was mostly me providing oral but it's still sex. Many of the guys I did that with had girlfriends. I got satisfaction from the fact that I could give better oral sex than their girlfriends. Sounds weird I know but when you're trans sometimes strange things make you feel a little more "normal". With those of you who are into women I really wonder if it had more to do with wanting to feel close to someone rather than being a being a masculine thing. Or you were just horny. People do get horny. Until you start HRT anyway. It was women because that's what you like.
Julia
Julia
I never was able to understand or do the whole macho thing. There's not a macho bone in my body.
I never really dated much at all. My upbringing was a bit unusual and didn't really prepare me for that kind of thing. I suppose my parents thought I'd figure it all out on my own, but, being trans, I didn't. I just felt out of the loop.
I wasn't macho at all in high school. However, I always had a very feminine gf. Even with them, I wasn't comfortable always felt like I was going through the motions of having a gf, never for love, more like its what was expected of me. The older I got the less game I had.
Quote from: amandam on August 18, 2017, 12:07:55 PM
In my youth, I was a player, always trying to have a girl. It was a serious obsession. I wonder if all or part of the reason was I wanted to be them. If I couldnt be them, at least I could be with them. Has this ever been defined as a thing for transgendered people or is it a bit of a stretch?
Stretch. If you, at the time, consciously experienced a desire to be them, fine. Otherwise you are superimposing the present on the past.
Quote from: Julia1996 on August 18, 2017, 07:25:49 PM
This is interesting. I think it is like a way of coping. I'm not into women but before transition I was quite a little slut with guys. It was mostly me providing oral but it's still sex. Many of the guys I did that with had girlfriends. I got satisfaction from the fact that I could give better oral sex than their girlfriends. Sounds weird I know but when you're trans sometimes strange things make you feel a little more "normal". With those of you who are into women I really wonder if it had more to do with wanting to feel close to someone rather than being a being a masculine thing. Or you were just horny. People do get horny. Until you start HRT anyway. It was women because that's what you like.
Julia
Julia
Reading this brings some prospective... maybe it was done is a sub-consious way. As i said go see your therpasit
Well I will say I was a male slut both ways I will explain, I started young I fouled around with females 2 to 4 years older than me i was 12 grade 7, so that is when It started for me when I turned 16 I was fouling around with guys it started for money but I really had fun and enjoyed it. I was never attracted to guys at all just there part. The females I fouled around with I was some what attracted to at least one of their qualities, but I can say that no matter who I have been with male or female I can not have an orgasm with out imaging that I am the female even when I do in it myself otherwise I fake it or it is a waste of time. I always knew I was transgender but I was to embarrassed and did not know how to go about transitioning and to scared as well.
Quote from: rmaddy on August 18, 2017, 08:05:27 PM
Stretch. If you, at the time, consciously experienced a desire to be them, fine. Otherwise you are superimposing the present on the past.
That's a distinct possibility. If I think about it, the ones I was jealous of came later. When I was dating the earlier ones, I would long to be some women I saw, but not them. Somehow over time, the longing even extended to the girls I dated. Maybe the dysphoria was growing, or being let out more, by me, psychologically.
Sweetie, it's all possible. To have a feminine mind, and be trying to prove masculinity through sex, is entirely congruous with a trans narrative, especially in a toxic masculine stew where sex is seen as a pinnacle of proof.
Personally, my feminine nature, meant I lived in the friend zone, until I met my little rainbow...
Rowan
A ->-bleeped-<-? A Player? Chasing yes, for sure for ANY woman able to bare the sight of me. Lucky for me a very select and special few did. Followed by that dreaded "You are NOT like other guys" :(
Like MANY other Hyper-Masculinized behaviors the need to "score" is just one of the MANY diversions, distractions, and denials we use in an attempt to convince ourselves "I cannot possibly be .... One of THOSE"
And it's safe. Women expect guys to be that way. "Any port in a storm" or the classic https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qdkRtmk4pTE (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qdkRtmk4pTE) or is it a case of https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=itb6uNL_3ag (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=itb6uNL_3ag)
I was spectacularly unsuccessful in my pursuit of girls for romantic/sexual relationships, due in no small part to my attempts to punch way above my weight. However, was have been successful in forming non-sexual friendships and have aways enjoyed being close to women. It was as if there was something in my subconscious that prevented me making the jump from platonic friendship to sexual relationship.
Looking back now, I do feel that I was trying to live my own needs and desires for femininty through others - if I couldn't put on a dress & stilettos and do my hair & makeup nicely, then getting close to someone who did was a compromise I could just about cope with. This really manifested itself in the early years of marriage when I would encourage my wife to dress as I secretly wanted to. As we've got older, the heels have got lower, skirts have been exchanged for trousers and, guess what, the dysphoria is on the increase!