Over the past few months I have come out to most of my family and close friends. The reactions have been varied as some might expect. On November 13th I'm coming out at work. I work for a very large company and my position requires interaction with multiple departments. To say I'm anxious is an understatement.
What I'm very curious about is how some of you handled your transition revelations on your social media accounts? I know some people can be cruel and others supportive. What was your strategy, would you do anything different?
Did you use your existing profile or create a new identity?
I don't spend a lot of time on social. As you can see, I haven't posted much here. I realize for some, it is a huge part of their lives and daily interactions.
Thank you in advance to all who are willing to share your social media experiences.
Kelly
Share what you want to share; don't share what you don't what to share.
Be selective in the comments you make (and read) or the tags you're in.
I personally dropped FB a few years ago and moved on to Insta. Since Insta is primarily pix (with occasional titles [or selective #'s]) my existence and revelation as a trans-w is more cryptic and self-filtering. Those within the LGBT community and/or allies will immediately recognize via the photos and bio; only close friends will actually spend effort to read through the posts and realize what's going on in my life. Friends who are less close will either #1 - figure it out or have their suspicions and drop contact, or #2 will only be at the perimeter of the friendship zone and won't spend too much time contemplating what the storyboard signifies. The breadcrumbs are there - it just up to people to follow them, if they want. I didn't link my FB to Insta.
If social media was never a big part of your life prior to transition, there's no reason you have to make it a big part of your life in transition. And remember - the internet (and social media) never forgets. At the very least - my social media is strictly for "social media"; it is completely separate from anything even remotely work related.
Against FB policy I ran two profiles for some time, it takes some effort to keep them apart, I did accidentally post a picture of my new nail polish on my old male profile, but retracted it quickly so only one person saw it, oops!
I privately came out to friends and family, but on the day the communication went out at work about me (the week before full-time), I sent a message (not a post) to all my friends on my old male profile telling them what was happening, and to send a friend invite to my new authentic profile if they wanted to still be friends, almost all did [emoji4]. I still have my old FB profile, but it is just a reference, I do not post to it, only my new real profile. X
Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk
I pretty much switched my professional networks (LinkedIn, XING) shortly after I came out at work.
I started with XING where I have a smaller amount of contacts. A lot of folks I had not heard from for years sent encouraging messages.
LinkedIn I changed but had notifications to my contacts turned of, so I did not get any messages. I can tell by the viewership that some people who do not know yet are confused. What has changed is that I all the sudden get a lot of "women in technology meet up" invitations - social networking events for women in the tech industry.
Facebook is still the old profile, mostly since my wife asked me to hold off. I plan to actually change my current profile since it contains a lot of memories I want to keep. I do have a Sarah profile but do not use it.
Twitter is changed but with 11 followers it does not matter much...
Good luck with your coming out!!
Two different accounts
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro
Quote from: summer710 on October 01, 2017, 08:56:55 AM
Share what you want to share; don't share what you don't what to share.
Be selective in the comments you make (and read) or the tags you're in.
I personally dropped FB a few years ago and moved on to Insta. Since Insta is primarily pix (with occasional titles [or selective #'s]) my existence and revelation as a trans-w is more cryptic and self-filtering. Those within the LGBT community and/or allies will immediately recognize via the photos and bio; only close friends will actually spend effort to read through the posts and realize what's going on in my life. Friends who are less close will either #1 - figure it out or have their suspicions and drop contact, or #2 will only be at the perimeter of the friendship zone and won't spend too much time contemplating what the storyboard signifies. The breadcrumbs are there - it just up to people to follow them, if they want. I didn't link my FB to Insta.
Thank you Summer
I'm not that familiar with Insta and haven't been engaged with the LGBT Community online. Your insight is helpful. Thank you
Quote from: meganjames2 on October 01, 2017, 09:48:37 AM
Against FB policy I ran two profiles for some time, it takes some effort to keep them apart, I did accidentally post a picture of my new nail polish on my old male profile, but retracted it quickly so only one person saw it, oops!
I privately came out to friends and family, but on the day the communication went out at work about me (the week before full-time), I sent a message (not a post) to all my friends on my old male profile telling them what was happening, and to send a friend invite to my new authentic profile if they wanted to still be friends, almost all did [emoji4]. I still have my old FB profile, but it is just a reference, I do not post to it, only my new real profile. X
meganjames 2
Thank you very much. I don't have the time or patience to manage two profiles. You are the better woman to have the discipline to pull that off.
It was more of a practical necessity at the time; I lived two lives for about 18 months [emoji4]
Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk
Quote from: sarah1972 on October 01, 2017, 12:12:17 PM
I pretty much switched my professional networks (LinkedIn, XING) shortly after I came out at work.
I started with XING where I have a smaller amount of contacts. A lot of folks I had not heard from for years sent encouraging messages.
LinkedIn I changed but had notifications to my contacts turned of, so I did not get any messages. I can tell by the viewership that some people who do not know yet are confused. What has changed is that I all the sudden get a lot of "women in technology meet up" invitations - social networking events for women in the tech industry.
Facebook is still the old profile, mostly since my wife asked me to hold off. I plan to actually change my current profile since it contains a lot of memories I want to keep. I do have a Sarah profile but do not use it.
Twitter is changed but with 11 followers it does not matter much...
Good luck with your coming out!!
Thanks Sarah
My thought was to update picture on LinkedIn and leave it at that. Folks I work with will know already. Those that don't may ask... Did you make an announcement on XING? You mentioned you received positive messages...
Thanks again
Quote from: Gertrude on October 01, 2017, 12:28:41 PM
Two different accounts
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro
Gertrude,
I ran an ISP for 5 years. You'd think I was more adept at managing social accounts. Not the case.. I have friends who have staff to post for them.. I'm not in that league..LOL
Appreciate your input!
Kelly
I quit Facebook. Too much drama, not enough upside. I also don't miss other artifacts of the past including cable television and a land-line phone.
I changed XING over a few days. XING offers the possibility to update your contacts on any change, like "Sarah has a new profile picture" or "Sarah changed her email address". Since I changed my name last, it was all under my old name.
I did not put out an official announcement.
LinkedIn offers the same but I did uncheck the box. People can figure out on their own.
Quote from: Kelly H on October 01, 2017, 04:25:04 PM
Thanks Sarah
My thought was to update picture on LinkedIn and leave it at that. Folks I work with will know already. Those that don't may ask... Did you make an announcement on XING? You mentioned you received positive messages...
Thanks again
I created a separate FB account for my trans-related stuff. My only friends on that account were people from the support group. Everything else remained on my regular FB account.
When it came time to go public, I put a coming out post on my regular account. Shortly after, I renamed it to my new name. I told my friends on the trans account about my new account and asked them to friend it if they wanted to stay in touch on FB. Then, after a brief overlap to give people time to react, I shut down the special-purpose one.
Keeping two accounts was tricky. Initially, it wasn't hard to make sure there were no points of contact between them. But as I came out to more people, it got harder. Fortunately, my transition happened fairly fast, because I could not have kept them separate for long.
For me, its really quite simple as I already have two kind of separate identities. My Facebook and Instagram are my real world identities, so there is very little about being trans or LGBT there (though I am in a couple groups but no one pays attention to what groups you're in LOL). And then my other social media accounts are my online identity. These are the ones where I openly post that I am transgender/non-binary. As I've only come out to a finite amount of people in the real world, my facebook and instagram don't really have much there, although now FB has gender and pronoun options, so I did change my gender to other and pronouns to 'they/their' but no one really has noticed outside of the few people on my list from the LGBT groups I'm in.
Noooooow.... there is a bit of a disclaimer. My online identity accounts all relate to my username, so if you know my online identity, my open identity accounts are easy to find (and I do link some of them on my FB profile) SOOOOO some real world people may end up finding out without my knowledge, but those are only the people who care enough to view my other profiles. And I know for a fact there aren't many of those. None of my family for example looks at my deviantart (thank heavens for that or they'd be flabbergasted... *gasp* She writes GAY STORIES! OH NO! [Use she pronouns, because that's what my family would use])
Quote from: Kelly H on October 01, 2017, 04:10:20 PM
Quote from: meganjames2 on October 01, 2017, 09:48:37 AM
Against FB policy I ran two profiles for some time, it takes some effort to keep them apart, I did accidentally post a picture of my new nail polish on my old male profile, but retracted it quickly so only one person saw it, oops!
I privately came out to friends and family, but on the day the communication went out at work about me (the week before full-time), I sent a message (not a post) to all my friends on my old male profile telling them what was happening, and to send a friend invite to my new authentic profile if they wanted to still be friends, almost all did [emoji4]. I still have my old FB profile, but it is just a reference, I do not post to it, only my new real profile. X
meganjames 2
Thank you very much. I don't have the time or patience to manage two profiles. You are the better woman to have the discipline to pull that off.
It's a practical matter as I am not out yet, at least not more than a handful of people.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro
I am now very early in the process, so recently opened a second FB account with a new online identity. I am not ready yet for cruel responses >:-) . I just hope I can keep them separate and not upload cross pictures and posts LOL. As my process progress and I come out to more of my friends and family I hope to gradually switch to one authentic account. But there is still mileage to go!
Modify message
Quote from: usedtobejustin on October 02, 2017, 03:49:58 AM
I am now very early in the process, so recently opened a second FB account with a new online identity. I am not ready yet for cruel responses >:-) . I just hope I can keep them separate and not upload cross pictures and posts LOL. As my process progress and I come out to more of my friends and family I hope to gradually switch to one authentic account. But there is still mileage to go!
Modify message
Dear UsedtobeJustin
Welcome to Susan's
Great to see you jumping straight in and sharing why don't you feel free to drop by our Introduction Forum (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/board,8.0.html) and tell us a little more about yourself.
A Cautionary Note:This is a public forum so please remember when posting that
The Internet Never Forgets, and the various web crawlers and archival sites out there may retain information that you post.
We cannot ensure that any information you share on the site will be protected from public view and/or copying or reproduction. This warning is also listed in the Terms of Service listed below.
If you give out personal information on Susan's you are responsible for any consequence.
I also want to share some links with you. They include helpful information and the rules that govern the site. It is important for your enjoyment of the site to take a moment to go through them
Things that you should read
Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html) | Standard Terms & Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html) | Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.) |
Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html) | News posting & quoting guidelines (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html) | Photo, avatars, & signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866) |
You're a blast - I can tell!
Rowena_Ellenweorc love your poem too - or at least the portion you shared. We all have a story and those of us willing to share it find comfort in the telling. At least that's my experience.
Managing 2 accounts is far too tedious for me. You seem to have plenty of energy though so rock on!
Kelly
Quote from: Rowena_Ellenweorc on October 01, 2017, 07:28:17 PM
For me, its really quite simple as I already have two kind of separate identities. My Facebook and Instagram are my real world identities, so there is very little about being trans or LGBT there (though I am in a couple groups but no one pays attention to what groups you're in LOL). And then my other social media accounts are my online identity. These are the ones where I openly post that I am transgender/non-binary. As I've only come out to a finite amount of people in the real world, my facebook and instagram don't really have much there, although now FB has gender and pronoun options, so I did change my gender to other and pronouns to 'they/their' but no one really has noticed outside of the few people on my list from the LGBT groups I'm in.
Noooooow.... there is a bit of a disclaimer. My online identity accounts all relate to my username, so if you know my online identity, my open identity accounts are easy to find (and I do link some of them on my FB profile) SOOOOO some real world people may end up finding out without my knowledge, but those are only the people who care enough to view my other profiles. And I know for a fact there aren't many of those. None of my family for example looks at my deviantart (thank heavens for that or they'd be flabbergasted... *gasp* She writes GAY STORIES! OH NO! [Use she pronouns, because that's what my family would use])
I am proud to be the 3td gender female and openly announced it on my fb. Just changed my name. My new names uses the same initials so my signature is the same. I am in Private Equity and the finance industry is very supportive for LGBT. No problems.
To all who have responded... Thank you very much. I love to hear about your experiences and thoughts on this topic.
My wife is not crazy about my transition so this has been a challenging journey for us both. I don't want to hide any longer and she doesn't want to suffer the embarrassment of being in public with me. How I handle social media becomes more than what I want or how it impacts me.
My children and grandchildren are actually huge supporters so they have been a ray of sunshine through all of this.
Thanks again to everyone willing to share your experience.
Kelly XOXO
Not too well. My only FB account was previously for my LGBT friends and allies only. A former friend found me and outed me after I let my guard down just for a second when I replied to a post on our University's alumni FB page. What are the odds of him seeing that one and only reply and following it to my FB page? The blow back was not good. That's not a good way to come out to someone you didn't trust with the information. I disclosed to my siblings, their grown children, cousins, and I'm sure all of their friends know by now. So, what the heck, I just opened it up to all of them. The right-wing conservative, religious ones, which is almost all of them, stopped following me and never reply to my posts. The few moderate/liberal ones like and reply to my posts, which are rarely political in nature. I mainly go there to keep up with what's happening in their lives, since we don't talk any other way. Our trans group has a "closed" FB page, so I post and reply trans related stuff there. I haven't touched my LinkedIn page - still the in the closet Thomas with an old profile photo, not the out of the closet, current photo, gender queer Tommie. Assume the entire world knows if you use any social media.
Quote from: Kelly H on October 02, 2017, 06:28:42 AM
You're a blast - I can tell!
Rowena_Ellenweorc love your poem too - or at least the portion you shared. We all have a story and those of us willing to share it find comfort in the telling. At least that's my experience.
Managing 2 accounts is far too tedious for me. You seem to have plenty of energy though so rock on!
Kelly
I assume you mean the one in my signature? Thank you... I've been doing a lot of writing of my feelings about it, (encouraged by therapist too). Writing it really is the only way I'm any good expressing my feelings lol.
My personal experience with social media: I never intended to publicly "come out" that way. But it ended up happening kind of by mistake. And the reactions I got were somewhat expected, yet somewhat surprising at the same time.
Some of my long time Facebook friends were very mean and treated me like I just admitted to being a murdering rapist or something. Family members lost their minds. I even had some long time friends and acquaintences actually send myself and my wife supportive, loving messages that were totally not expected to let us know that they still love and care about us, and that they will always love me no matter what.
I used my existing Facebook that I've had for many years, and over 400 facebook friends, and I simply posted a short video clip of Bill Nye talking about gender identity being on a spectrum. And then one of my cousins got on there saying how much he is full of crap, and acting like she knew everything there was to know about gender identity and how transgender people are just confused and things, so I had to comment back in defense of the science and in defense of transgender people, and in the process of back and forth comments, I ended up letting it out that I was "one of them" ha ha. So a whole storm erupted and all of my family members, cousins, aunts and uncles, grandparents and things saw all of this go down, then they all lost their conservative Mormon minds.
So needless to say, I am glad that I live like 4 states away from them all, and my Facebook profile is currently deactivated, as I live my life in peace and happiness with my wife who loves and supports me, as well as her great family who loves and supports me for who I am. Pretty sad that my wife's family is being so much more loving and accepting than my own is. So yeah, that's my social media coming out experience. I work for my parents business. A position I can work from home, so you could say I am out at work as well. Ha ha So nice to be able to wear what ever I want as I sit at home working. And when it comes to GCS, I won't have to miss out on as much work as I would if I had a different job.
Quote from: LaRell on October 02, 2017, 11:30:11 AM
So a whole storm erupted and all of my family members, cousins, aunts and uncles, grandparents and things saw all of this go down, then they all lost their conservative Mormon minds.
Oh... my... gosh... Its not just me who has a family like that!!!!!!!!!!! And yes I mean 'losing conservative Mormon minds.' Like I kid you not... my family on my mom's side has pretty much ostracized any LGBTQIA+ family members. They're the 'black sheep' of the family. 'Oh no... [Cousin Joe] wants to bring his partner for dinner. I can't allow that, his partner has to stay home.' This is so much what I'm afraid of with coming out on my FB page lol. But screw it... if/when I do, in the end the people who are good true Christian/Mormon people will remain by my side. The others, screw them. (And yes I had a specific cousin in mind, and yes I changed his name). My Granddaddy ... part of it is the fact he's getting senile in his old age, but he literally flat out says that he doesn't like his gay grandchildren. (Course the first time he met my husband, he told him that [Rowena] doesn't listen.)
I have been posting a few more trans related things on my page lately, surprisingly though, people on my page seem to be very... what's the word... understanding I guess? Course I do usually preface with the who thumper policy of 'If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all' so that may do away with it.
LaRell - thanks for sharing that story! I have a few of those in my family as well but they live far away and I have little contact with them.
I saw my therapist this morning and we talked about this. She is a fan of making an announcement. I control the conversation that way... Interesting point of view and one I think my wife will share. We'll have to talk about it. Above all I want to be sensitive to other's point of view, the same I would ask they be sensitive of mine.
Quote from: Rowena_Ellenweorc on October 02, 2017, 10:32:12 AM
I assume you mean the one in my signature? Thank you... I've been doing a lot of writing of my feelings about it, (encouraged by therapist too). Writing it really is the only way I'm any good expressing my feelings lol.
Yup - that's the one... The only one I've seen so far....
Feel free to share more...
Quote from: Tommie_9 on October 02, 2017, 06:46:01 AM
Assume the entire world knows if you use any social media.
Tommie
Sorry to hear that didn't go well... If its out there someone will find it for sure. As much as I'm a fan of controlling the conversation I've been burned before. Not with this issue but with others... My approach is going to be proactive. Since my company values diversity and inclusion I think I'll just change my name and picture on LinkedIn and not comment.
Thinking about how to announce on Facebook. I can probably adapt one of the letters I've used for close friends...
Thanks for sharing your experience.
Kelly OX
Quote from: Kelly H on October 02, 2017, 02:17:00 PM
Yup - that's the one... The only one I've seen so far....
Feel free to share more...
Looool well since you assssssssked... https://fierymamarow.deviantart.com/gallery/25427911/Me <-- that's everything that I wrote about me/my feelings/being trans/etc...
By the way, Kelly, that's a cute hairstyle. It fits you.
Quote from: Tommie_9 on October 02, 2017, 03:49:01 PM
By the way, Kelly, that's a cute hairstyle. It fits you.
Why thank you so much Tommie!
You are very kind
Quote from: Rowena_Ellenweorc on October 02, 2017, 02:33:02 PM
Looool well since you assssssssked... https://fierymamarow.deviantart.com/gallery/25427911/Me <-- that's everything that I wrote about me/my feelings/being trans/etc...
AWESOME!! i guess i'm deviant now... LOL
Well I just did a coming out post and then updated my details to reflect my new name and kept the same account.
I shared it as a public post so everyone and their friends could see it and let the cards fall where they may..
My post is in the link:
https://www.facebook.com/tamara.jade.brice/posts/1393723297384588
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
I changed name and details and never said a thing or made a big deal. I highly discourage this idea. Several hateful people lingered on in my friends list. If I would have been open and loud about it I would have been able to rid them from my lives sooner.
Quote from: Kelly H on October 02, 2017, 06:28:04 PM
AWESOME!! i guess i'm deviant now... LOL
Haha! Isn't everyone? *grins*
I know, I know, bad joke lol.
Quote from: TashaL on October 03, 2017, 12:42:52 PM
I changed name and details and never said a thing or made a big deal. I highly discourage this idea. Several hateful people lingered on in my friends list. If I would have been open and loud about it I would have been able to rid them from my lives sooner.
That is exactly why I started posting pro LGBTQ stuff and transgender articles and things. Because I wasn't quite ready to come out yet, but I was doing it as a test to see which of my "friends" responded negatively, and those friends were going to get the boot before they even got a chance to find out I was trans. But an interesting thing that happened, is a couple of the ones I expected to be negative, actually ended up being very supportive and were the ones who sent actual personal messages telling me that they will always love and appreciate me and that this changes nothing. It shocked the heck out of me. Can't always judge how people are going to respond, and can't be too quick to write them off. They may turn out to be your biggest supporters.
Quote from: LaRell on October 03, 2017, 03:48:00 PM
That is exactly why I started posting pro LGBTQ stuff and transgender articles and things. Because I wasn't quite ready to come out yet, but I was doing it as a test to see which of my "friends" responded negatively, and those friends were going to get the boot before they even got a chance to find out I was trans. But an interesting thing that happened, is a couple of the ones I expected to be negative, actually ended up being very supportive and were the ones who sent actual personal messages telling me that they will always love and appreciate me and that this changes nothing. It shocked the heck out of me. Can't always judge how people are going to respond, and can't be too quick to write them off. They may turn out to be your biggest supporters.
I had the same experience I had one person who I was 100% certain was not going to take it well and if anything our differing views have brought us closer.. it's weird he is still anti everything LBGT but he told me our friendship shouldn't be effected just because we have different beliefs and to his credit he has been really supportive and even helped me out with a few transition medical things.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Quote from: Tammy Jade on October 03, 2017, 03:28:28 AM
Well I just did a coming out post and then updated my details to reflect my new name and kept the same account.
I shared it as a public post so everyone and their friends could see it and let the cards fall where they may..
My post is in the link:
https://www.facebook.com/tamara.jade.brice/posts/1393723297384588
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Hey Tamara, I read all of it including the answers. You got a lot of support! That is awesome and very heart warming.
Quote from: Charlie Nicki on October 03, 2017, 06:26:18 PM
Hey Tamara, I read all of it including the answers. You got a lot of support! That is awesome and very heart warming.
I think a lot of people presume the worst of those around them.. I was expecting to wake up the following morning to a world of pain and hurtful comments.. particularly given my very mucho social circle
Needless to say I was completely blown away. The world is changing I think people
are becoming more accepting all the time. I am so glad I made an announcement.. it was what my gender councillor suggested and I was really glad that I was able to clear the air before to many people had the opportunity to spread rumours.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
I had originally created a separate Facebook page and had some friends/family follow it to give out info about my transition without having to repeat myself. But eventually I said "F@#$ it!" And just announced it on my own page instead. I tend to keep my transition stuff to that page still, mostly, but here and there bin out things on my own page, such as a picture, or a piece of trans related news. I added my female name to my main page as a nick name, but as I transition I'll change it completely. At least, that's what I'm expecting to do.
I have two different Facebook accounts, the old me and the future me. The old me looks exactly like the future me. Lol. I suspect many people figured out I'm trans. When the time comes I will out myself on the old profile, complete with name change.
Until then I keep them separate with only a few people that are friends on both.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
I had an active FB account and was out on it w/o any hate being directed back at me when I did it. It's deactivated now.
Y'all are awesome!
I appreciate everyone sharing their experiences. This is incredibly helpful.
Kelly XOXO