For a long time in my life, I thought I was a cross dresser. I found myself drawn to dressing, but it was never a satisfying experience. I was embarrassed by it and hated the term ->-bleeped-<-. It was confusing to be compelled to be something that did not bring satisfaction. Flash forward to now and I know I am transsexual, which fits very nicely for me. It now all makes sense. So, I am curious to hear from those who might classify themselves as cross dressers. Is it satisfying to dress with no thought of body changes? Is it hard to integrate being happy with being a male and yet liking to indulge in feminine pursuits?
Moni
Good question Moni, I can only echo your own feelings, but I'm curious too.
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Freedom is / can be plenty crushing, also another word for nothing left to lose of course.
I did in fact get satisfaction from cross dressing, usually for sex so it was really that sex gave me satisfaction respite from dysphoria because it was something I liked to do (and have only done for 20 years) dressed.
Until, of course it didn't anymore.
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I have been dressing for 30+ years and I find it relaxes me and I feel so much better and more comfortable, I have been thinking awhile though that it is not enough and I have an appointment this week with a therapist to discuss my gender questions.
Hope that helps?
I think it is personal for everyone. My answer is NO. I am not satisfied if I could get to a doctor right now and have my adams apple reduced, FFS surgery, and start hormones immediately I would. I made life decisions 10 years ago that place priority over how I feel. Some people I feel are quite content. For me dressing is kind of like a drug, it relieves the pain for a little while, but within two weeks I miss myself (if that makes sense).
Hi Moni,
For me dressing calms me down and I feel more at peace but I find each week I am needing more.
If I want to be true to myself, I would love to have breasts, dress full time but I do not have the dysphoria about my lower parts.
It is only a matter of time before I pierce my ears and even my navel. This will help me be closer to who I really am.
So in answer to your question, it's not fully satisfying without thinking of changes but I am grateful for the freedom I do have to dress at home.
Moni,
I grew up in an all female household and always wanted to be like the older girls. So I was.
Now I am boy/girl about 60/40 percent of the time. I get satisfaction from being able to enjoy both styles. I like the expanded fashion choices of woman styles. It helps that I am a bit of an exhibitionist and like attention. It also helps that I enjoy bi-sexual encounters.
let me first say how lovely you look. to answer your question, I have dressed off and on for over 55yrs. early on it was cause I wanted to be a girl. then for sex, then back to wanting to be a girl again. I hate the junk between my legs. would love to have a nice figure , nice breasts, and pretty face. I guess we all dress for our own reasons. best wishes to all
I think crossdressing can be quite satisfying by itself, if you do it openly and without any shame attached.
At first, you do it at home. Then it gets boring and you venture out and seek acceptance of society in general.
But once you satisfy your crossdressing curiosity, chances are you'd start wondering how better you might look without facial hair, with your own hair instead of a wig, and with real breasts... and that would bring you on to a transition path.
To some people it might look like a dangerous sliding path. But after all, it's your body and your curiosity and there's nothing wrong to enjoy the ride while it lasts. We will all die at the end.
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People make a distinction between the body and its surfaces; the latter is all CDs are concerned with, supposedly - clothing, makeup, hair. But aren't those in a sense part of the body? I feel like I'm modifying myself when I paint my nails.
CDs want to maintain their selves as males too, in the classic sense anyway - there are all sorts of gradations involved here, after all. But your bread-and-butter CD wants to be a man, with everything that entails, and then become a woman for a short spell, to the naked eye at least, and revel in the feeling that gives.
I wanted to just be a CD but couldn't stop shaving hair off like crazy or thinking about developing secondary sexual characteristics, the idea of having nigh-unto-zero libido or being part of a group of other women just thrilled me. For decades I thought things like this were just passing pervy fantasies. Wrong! (buzzer on game show set sounds) :police:
Crossdressers who have treatment for prostate cancer and grow a bit of man boobs and lose their sexual drive become seriously depressed, I've read, so I could tell what direction I was headed in. It's interesting to me how CDs always want to look like a million bucks, and are preening in mirrors and taking thousands of snapshots. They're fellow travelers of ours and I'm always wondering what makes them tick.
For me it's a exploration of the feminine self. Since my mother died at a young age, no sisters, Aunts or any sort of female presence around. I got curious about being a woman/girl. Thus Gwen was born. Finding out a lot on this journey so far and always more to learn.
Yeah I thought at first I was just a cross dresser and always wearing female clothes and nail polish on. 😆 lmao ha ha. But it was bugs me so much that I wanted to have a sex change surgery and growing my breast as well. I dress up so much and I didn't get any better it just got worse for me that I could not be a real female. I did the night clubs and going out with other cross dressers but I felt like something was wrong and missing. Then without any warning I realized that I am a female trapped in the body of a male. 😆 💖 lol so I decided to get help with getting hrt and becoming a real female and hopefully in the future I will have srs surgery. ? ? 😆 💖 xoxo
Hey ya,
I've had a constant curiosity with CDing for a while and I've tried it a few times! I dunno how I feel right now other than it's kind of confusing why I feel like this (wanting to look like a girl and put on makeup), but I suppose I'll just go with it. That's why I'm here! I want to learn more from other people. It's been satisfying so far because for a guy I have a really effeminate figure so I finally get to compliment it and that really excites me! I'll have to see where this takes me before I can say more.. :)
I crossdress and I love the lingerie, makeup, heels, stockings etc.
But I need more. I am dying to induce lactation. That would make me a real woman.
Well, it seems I may be the first to answer who is completely comfortable with both sides of my gender. In fact, if I could have the power to shapeshift, I would alternate between my male and female forms depending on my mood and/or situation. There are times when I am perfectly comfortable in my "man skin" and other times when I prefer to be Elise.
I'm in my mid fifties and I've been a closet cross dresser for about 45 years. When I was younger I wished I was a girl, but there weren't a lot of transgendered resources back then, so I never considered transitioning as an option. As a young teen, I felt that if I wanted to dress like a girl, then I must be gay. So I tried experimenting with a gay friend and quickly found that wasn't the answer. Still liking to dress, but definitely being attracted to women, I used to always joke that I was a lesbian trapped in a man's body. (That joke kind of turned on me though when my first wife had an affair with a woman [who is now her wife]).
Anyway, I consider myself a realist. I know that I can't go back in time and be reborn as a female. And even if I could, it would mean I would lose my children. I fully recognize that because of my physical size and features, I could never be "passable". And because I have family and a professional reputation that I must protect from the narrow minded majority out there, I could never dare come out of the closet. So, I really have no option but to remain a closet cross dresser.
And I'm really okay with that. Being Elise let's me escape from reality for a little while and become a kinder, gentler, version of myself. I love the way I feel in women's clothes, and I enjoy trying to create the illusion of a pretty feminine version of myself. I often fantasize about being a real woman, but it's just that -- a fantasy. I then return to the reality I also love. The reality where I have loving children, grandchildren, brothers, sisters, parents, a career I love, etc.
And the male version of me comes in handy too. Just today I had to change the alternator in my car, and the bolt was so rusted that I needed every ounce of my 215 pound "man frame" to wrench it free. So having both of us around comes in handy!
Moni,
For me, cross dressing was a kick that lasted all of three or so weeks and then I realized that it was all about becoming the woman that I needed to be. It took me a year or two to get there but I have never been happier. At that original three week mark, if it turned out that I would not be able to get past just dressing from time to time and not living as me, I probably would have tried to give it up while I had any semblance of control (if I ever really had any).
Tia Anne
Quote from: Anne Blake on January 05, 2018, 07:23:26 PM
Moni,
For me, cross dressing was a kick that lasted all of three or so weeks and then I realized that it was all about becoming the woman that I needed to be. It took me a year or two to get there but I have never been happier. At that original three week mark, if it turned out that I would not be able to get past just dressing from time to time and not living as me, I probably would have tried to give it up while I had any semblance of control (if I ever really had any).
Tia Anne
Yeah, dressing gave me peace, and it made me realize something had to change.
Hugs, Devlyn
I cross dressed for a long time because answers and help was not that readily available. I actually wanted to come out in 1984. My Mom and Dad had died and I didn't want to disappoint them earlier, although I had been dressing since I was seven, I went to therapy at least six other times over the years. Whenever the angst of not being who I truly believe I was meant to be. Eighteen months ago I finally addressed my life long dilemma. A lifetime of stress over keeping secrets disappeared. I always wanted to go all the way but my health won't let me, so I'll settle for a healed mind over a healed body.
Quote from: EliseMichelle on January 05, 2018, 04:49:33 PM
Well, it seems I may be the first to answer who is completely comfortable with both sides of my gender. In fact, if I could have the power to shapeshift, I would alternate between my male and female forms depending on my mood and/or situation. There are times when I am perfectly comfortable in my "man skin" and other times when I prefer to be Elise.
I'm in my mid fifties and I've been a closet cross dresser for about 45 years. When I was younger I wished I was a girl, but there weren't a lot of transgendered resources back then, so I never considered transitioning as an option. As a young teen, I felt that if I wanted to dress like a girl, then I must be gay. So I tried experimenting with a gay friend and quickly found that wasn't the answer. Still liking to dress, but definitely being attracted to women, I used to always joke that I was a lesbian trapped in a man's body. (That joke kind of turned on me though when my first wife had an affair with a woman [who is now her wife]).
Anyway, I consider myself a realist. I know that I can't go back in time and be reborn as a female. And even if I could, it would mean I would lose my children. I fully recognize that because of my physical size and features, I could never be "passable". And because I have family and a professional reputation that I must protect from the narrow minded majority out there, I could never dare come out of the closet. So, I really have no option but to remain a closet cross dresser.
And I'm really okay with that. Being Elise let's me escape from reality for a little while and become a kinder, gentler, version of myself. I love the way I feel in women's clothes, and I enjoy trying to create the illusion of a pretty feminine version of myself. I often fantasize about being a real woman, but it's just that -- a fantasy. I then return to the reality I also love. The reality where I have loving children, grandchildren, brothers, sisters, parents, a career I love, etc.
And the male version of me comes in handy too. Just today I had to change the alternator in my car, and the bolt was so rusted that I needed every ounce of my 215 pound "man frame" to wrench it free. So having both of us around comes in handy!
Thank you EliseMichelle! Thank you, thank you, thank you! This was probably one of the most comforting things I have EVER read. With exception that my 1st wife left me for a guy instead of a gal, it is 100% identical to how I think and feel. It is so comforting to be confirmed that I am not the only one. Dont get me wrong, I do know that I am not alone in my feelings,, the short time I have spent exploring this community is comfort enough, but when I read what you wrote EliseMichelle, I actually teared up (joy, not sadness). Thank you again!
Quote from: EliseMichelle on January 05, 2018, 04:49:33 PM
Well, it seems I may be the first to answer who is completely comfortable with both sides of my gender. In fact, if I could have the power to shapeshift, I would alternate between my male and female forms depending on my mood and/or situation. There are times when I am perfectly comfortable in my "man skin" and other times when I prefer to be Elise.
I'm in my mid fifties and I've been a closet cross dresser for about 45 years. When I was younger I wished I was a girl, but there weren't a lot of transgendered resources back then, so I never considered transitioning as an option. As a young teen, I felt that if I wanted to dress like a girl, then I must be gay. So I tried experimenting with a gay friend and quickly found that wasn't the answer. Still liking to dress, but definitely being attracted to women, I used to always joke that I was a lesbian trapped in a man's body. (That joke kind of turned on me though when my first wife had an affair with a woman [who is now her wife]).
Anyway, I consider myself a realist. I know that I can't go back in time and be reborn as a female. And even if I could, it would mean I would lose my children. I fully recognize that because of my physical size and features, I could never be "passable". And because I have family and a professional reputation that I must protect from the narrow minded majority out there, I could never dare come out of the closet. So, I really have no option but to remain a closet cross dresser.
And I'm really okay with that. Being Elise let's me escape from reality for a little while and become a kinder, gentler, version of myself. I love the way I feel in women's clothes, and I enjoy trying to create the illusion of a pretty feminine version of myself. I often fantasize about being a real woman, but it's just that -- a fantasy. I then return to the reality I also love. The reality where I have loving children, grandchildren, brothers, sisters, parents, a career I love, etc.
And the male version of me comes in handy too. Just today I had to change the alternator in my car, and the bolt was so rusted that I needed every ounce of my 215 pound "man frame" to wrench it free. So having both of us around comes in handy!
Yes. I also have been like you, Elise, except that I am a kind of cross-dresser in public. I wear skirts and heels while lecturing during the classes at my university. In summer, I wear bikini in the nearby beaches with my family and friends. So far, people around me have gradually been accustomed to my feminine appearance, far better than me, who less frequently see me everyday, only through the mirror. People are flexible, especially young people.
Crossdressing can give some satisfaction, but nowadays I just do not like wearing some types of men's clothes. My clothes or other fashion items should be at least unisex. I have body hairs, and I have already removed nearly all of my facial and leg hairs, and at least reduced armpit and bikini area hairs. I love the variety of women's fashion items. They are far more funny and exciting to wear and show off. It is a kind of between a confirmation of gender identity and a hobby.
barbie~~
I was a cross dresser for about 17 years, from 1998 to 2015, if one doesn't count childhood crossdressing and a brief period in college. Once I admitted to myself that I was transgender, I started to enjoy dressing again, after I came out and I stopped thinking of myself as "just a crossdresser." I lived full time without HRT while seeing a gender therapist and started HRT 6 months later.
It provided me with with a feeling of relief. As well as feelings of shame and confusion which I now attribute mostly to the secretive nature of my activites. As a crossdresser, I was still dealing with the full effects of testosterone which caused erotic excitement and required a sexual release that I always felt ambivalent about.
I still enjoy looking sexy now, but the compulsion to do something about it is gone. And I find that to be a tremdous relief. For about the last 10 years of being a crossdresser tho I hardly ever indulged as I eventually got to the point where I was like, "If I can't BE a woman, I don't want to wear her clothes. What's the point?" Also, having the correct hormones in me just completes my overall sense of well being.
I feel a lot of kinship with crossdressers because I was one for so long and for me knowing that the transgender umbrella is inclusive and welcoming of cross dressers made it a lot easier for me to come out as transgender and transition when I did. I am glad we are inclusive and supporting of cross dressers. This is as it should be.
Quote from: Janes Groove on February 20, 2018, 11:54:11 PM
I was a cross dresser for about 17 years, from 1998 to 2015, if one doesn't count childhood crossdressing and a brief period in college. Once I admitted to myself that I was transgender, I started to enjoy dressing again, after I came out and I stopped thinking of myself as "just a crossdresser." I lived full time without HRT while seeing a gender therapist and started HRT 6 months later.
It provided me with with a feeling of relief. As well as feelings of shame and confusion which I now attribute mostly to the secretive nature of my activites. As a crossdresser, I was still dealing with the full effects of testosterone which caused erotic excitement and required a sexual release that I always felt ambivalent about.
I still enjoy looking sexy now, but the compulsion to do something about it is gone. And I find that to be a tremdous relief. For about the last 10 years of being a crossdresser tho I hardly ever indulged as I eventually got to the point where I was like, "If I can't BE a woman, I don't want to wear her clothes. What's the point?" Also, having the correct hormones in me just completes my overall sense of well being.
I feel a lot of kinship with crossdressers because I was one for so long and for me knowing that the transgender umbrella is inclusive and welcoming of cross dressers made it a lot easier for me to come out as transgender and transition when I did. I am glad we are inclusive and supporting of cross dressers. This is as it should be.11
Thank you Jane,
If the world was free and easy, I would live as a woman now. The tough point is I have gone so far I can't and couldn't.
I am 51 and I also like my cross abilities.
Cross dressing is a good title for people like me. The realism is that if you crossdress you are really transgendered and would like to transition, even if that's impossible.
Apart from this I am really satisfied, I get to have the best of both worlds.
I must admit my thirst for retail therapy from shopping is not satisfying, since I balance my denial with my thirst I have found my wardrobe outstrips my ability to wear.
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It's pretty normal for a transsexual to experience a confused period in which they think they must fit into the "crossdresser" stereotype, as you did, Moni. This tend to be a forum dominated by transsexuals, but you can find other forums full of happy male who label themselves as crossdressers, if you like.
I'm not fond of the labels "crossdresser", "->-bleeped-<-" or "fetishist" in reference to myself or anyone else, for that matter. However, the most consistent difference I've observed between transsexuals and these other feminine males is that the so-called crossdressers seem happier with themselves. Forums like Susan's tend to be full of threads of worry and complaint while threads at crossdresser forums thread to be more full of fun and happiness. So, if you're having a good time, you may not be a TS! Not to say that transsexuals are sad-sacks but most go through a lot of issues before things get better.
The other folks tend to be happy with life and usually find a way to manage their feminine inclinations. I have. In fact most people probably wouldn't label me as either a "crossdresser" or a "transsexual". I'm happy to be androgynous all the time and rarely feel the need to fall into a gender pigeonhole. Others may occasionally look at me at think of me as a crossdresser-- or as a woman. I really don't care. I am who I am, as they say.
Quote from: Lyric on February 21, 2018, 01:19:38 PM
It's pretty normal for a transsexual to experience a confused period in which they think they must fit into the "crossdresser" stereotype, as you did, Moni. This tend to be a forum dominated by transsexuals, but you can find other forums full of happy male who label themselves as crossdressers, if you like.
I'm not fond of the labels "crossdresser", "->-bleeped-<-" or "fetishist" in reference to myself or anyone else, for that matter. However, the most consistent difference I've observed between transsexuals and these other feminine males is that the so-called crossdressers seem happier with themselves. Forums like Susan's tend to be full of threads of worry and complaint while threads at crossdresser forums thread to be more full of fun and happiness. So, if you're having a good time, you may not be a TS! Not to say that transsexuals are sad-sacks but most go through a lot of issues before things get better.
The other folks tend to be happy with life and usually find a way to manage their feminine inclinations. I have. In fact most people probably wouldn't label me as either a "crossdresser" or a "transsexual". I'm happy to be androgynous all the time and rarely feel the need to fall into a gender pigeonhole. Others may occasionally look at me at think of me as a crossdresser-- or as a woman. I really don't care. I am who I am, as they say.
I think the reason transsexuals might seem less happy is that the process of transition with all the waiting, disruption of the previous life, money, and surgeries create a lot of stress. Cross dressers don't deal with this generally speaking. As for me, I am definitely an over the top, happy transsexual. I was no good at being a cross dresser. That sure might have been more convenient. :)
Moni
I use to consider myself a CD but the more time passes I feel like that is not enough, the label makes me feel like I am fake or Im just the clothes and make up. Before it use to be something really exciting and even though I can dress and do my makeup way better than when I was a teen it doesn't feel the same. Like I love looking like a diva but I want ppl to see me as a woman when I have my jeans and hoodie.
As you know I was a cross dresser for far to long. Choosing to go on HRT was not a tough choice and I did it without consulting my wife. When I did a couple months later she was a little perplexed. But she knew since before day one of living together that I cross dressed. If I would have known that taking hormones would cure my depression I would have tried it much sooner. If the opportunities existed back in the day for GRS I certainly would have transitioned much sooner. Especially with the advent of the internet in the mid 80's (remember 900 baud) By the way Moni. I almost got stuck in a Noreaster going to Harrisburg. I decided not to go just before time to leave.
Damm dawn what happened with your wife later? Sometimes i am tempted to do hrt without telling my so
Quote from: Lilith.lupe.tamayo on March 13, 2018, 11:22:18 PM
Damm dawn what happened with your wife later? Sometimes i am tempted to do hrt without telling my so
Openness and honesty is always the best option when considering anything that may change who you are in any relationship. Doing things secretly or subversively normally does not end well.
My most satisfying moments have always been with the blessing of my wife. She hasn't always agreed fully but has always supported me. I am not on any medications and am not planning to either.
Good luck with your journey and I hope your wife is as supportive as mine.
Quote from: SueNZ on March 14, 2018, 12:25:46 PM
Openness and honesty is always the best option when considering anything that may change who you are in any relationship. Doing things secretly or subversively normally does not end well.
My most satisfying moments have always been with the blessing of my wife. She hasn't always agreed fully but has always supported me. I am not on any medications and am not planning to either.
Good luck with your journey and I hope your wife is as supportive as mine.
I know, you are right, is just to for me to deal with situations like this :embarrassed:
Quote from: SueNZ on March 14, 2018, 12:25:46 PM
Openness and honesty is always the best option when considering anything that may change who you are in any relationship. Doing things secretly or subversively normally does not end well.
My most satisfying moments have always been with the blessing of my wife. She hasn't always agreed fully but has always supported me. I am not on any medications and am not planning to either.
Good luck with your journey and I hope your wife is as supportive as mine.
SueNZ - Have you ever gone out with your wife 'dressed' to an event or club for people who dress?
My wife has been accommodating with all the things I dress and do so far, but I've never gone out in public, but I would love to go out 'dressed' with her dancing to some event for like minded people. I think she would love it.
Sonja. Auckland,NZ
Quote from: Sonja on March 19, 2018, 06:37:52 PM
SueNZ - Have you ever gone out with your wife 'dressed' to an event or club for people who dress?
My wife has been accommodating with all the things I dress and do so far, but I've never gone out in public, but I would love to go out 'dressed' with her dancing to some event for like minded people. I think she would love it.
Sonja. Auckland,NZ
Hi Sonja,
No unfortunately. I have turned up to my local golf club dressed a couple of times for fun but that has been my only times in public. I have a high profile in Tauranga and I do not want to risk relationships and credibility that I have spent decades building.
I would love to go out for dinner and some dancing as well but I do not see that happening as while my wife is supportive, she is also full of anxiety that I will be found out. In saying that, we are hosting our neighbours daughters 10th birthday this weekend and the daughter wants me to dress as a yellow fairy. Little does she know how much I will enjoy that. My wife has bought a fairy dress, yellow nail polish, yellow wig, yellow zinc stick and some ballet flats that I need to make yellow all we need no are some yellow tights. My job will be to serve a whole lot of 10 year old girls.
Thank you for making contact Sonja, and I hope to catch up again. Cheers Sue
Quote from: Lilith.lupe.tamayo on March 13, 2018, 11:22:18 PM
Damm dawn what happened with your wife later? Sometimes i am tempted to do hrt without telling my so
I am one of the luckiest people on the face of the earth. My wife is my rock and we have been together so long, I could not fathom being without her. However, my DES induced confusion has been there all my life. I screwed up one marriage because I did not know how to address the issue. Different times though and in the 70's transgender was not even a term. Jo has always known I have been wrestling with the issue from before we moved in together. I was also becoming a real jerk. My anger overtook me. I went to my sisters and had a breakdown. By the time I left my sisters, I had promised to go to therapy. The difference this time is we addressed the 800 lb gorilla in the room. It did not take the therapist long before she was asking me if I wanted to start HRT. Just the mental aspect alone justify starting HRT. I haven't changed, just acknowledged what we already knew. Once it was in the open all stress left me and now I can live like a caring, loving mate rather than carrying around all my anger. I have discovered along the line that I am not really into sex. My first wife was a nympho and I could not hang. Jo is much more laid back and when I got sick thirty years ago she was told I had five years to live. Since she knew that too much could cause a heart attack we more or less have been celibate. It has not affected our relationship because there is just so much more than sex.
Quote from: SueNZ on March 21, 2018, 12:43:32 PM
Hi Sonja,
No unfortunately. I have turned up to my local golf club dressed a couple of times for fun but that has been my only times in public. I have a high profile in Tauranga and I do not want to risk relationships and credibility that I have spent decades building.
I would love to go out for dinner and some dancing as well but I do not see that happening as while my wife is supportive, she is also full of anxiety that I will be found out. In saying that, we are hosting our neighbours daughters 10th birthday this weekend and the daughter wants me to dress as a yellow fairy. Little does she know how much I will enjoy that. My wife has bought a fairy dress, yellow nail polish, yellow wig, yellow zinc stick and some ballet flats that I need to make yellow all we need no are some yellow tights. My job will be to serve a whole lot of 10 year old girls.
Thank you for making contact Sonja, and I hope to catch up again. Cheers Sue
Hi Sue,
How did the yellow fairy look turn out? Were the 10 year old girls impressed? Tell all...
Sonja.
Quote from: Sonja on April 03, 2018, 07:51:14 PM
Hi Sue,
How did the yellow fairy look turn out? Were the 10 year old girls impressed? Tell all...
Sonja.
Hi Sonja,
It was a fantastic weekend and I could spend half of it dressed up. The girls said it was the best party ever. I had glitter as fairy dust and a wand that I would place magic spells. Some of the parents who dropped off their girls just looked at me and shook their heads. I have showed the photos to people and they are truely wondering what I am about.
Here is a link to a couple of photos, hopefully I have done this ok as I am not that adept at this sort of thing.
https://www.flickr.com/photos/154099970@N02/shares/04PKc0
Cheers Sue.
Pictures work fine, Sue. Looking good!
Hugs, Devlyn
Quote from: SueNZ on April 05, 2018, 07:09:05 PM
Hi Sonja,
It was a fantastic weekend and I could spend half of it dressed up. The girls said it was the best party ever. I had glitter as fairy dust and a wand that I would place magic spells. Some of the parents who dropped off their girls just looked at me and shook their heads. I have showed the photos to people and they are truely wondering what I am about.
Here is a link to a couple of photos, hopefully I have done this ok as I am not that adept at this sort of thing.
https://www.flickr.com/photos/154099970@N02/shares/04PKc0
Cheers Sue.
Hi Sue, That's fantastic - looking great! I'm glad your daughter loved it! You all have big smiles on so well done!
Sonja.
Quote from: Sonja on April 05, 2018, 07:26:10 PM
Hi Sue, That's fantastic - looking great! I'm glad your daughter loved it! You all have big smiles on so well done!
Sonja.
Hi Sonja, our boys are 24 & 22 that weekend was for our neighbors daughter. Her dad has chronic fatigue syndrome and is highly incapacitated so we hosted the weekend. They are awesome neighbors and we have known them since their girls were born. Girls everywhere a fairy was required and an opportunity to dress up, I would say a win-win for all. [emoji106]
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I've been changing clothes for...G-D knows how many years.... I've always loved the fun of becoming Yvette...shaving, shopping, dating and yes preening in the mirror...Terrible! I've always had a fondness for the term ->-bleeped-<-...it conjures up a steamy bar in 1930's Weimar Berlin...where boys would be girls and boys would love it... I think the term is from the French...and it sounds sexy to me. I go everywhere en femme, theatre, symphony, opera, music venues, dinners, baseball games and it is so much FUN. Because of my petite stature I'm reasonably passable...but I really don't care... It's fun to be read...especially in otherwise stuffy environs.
At the same time I love being my man-self. Nothing like wearing a beautiful suit, handsome shoes and a dapper top coat to a social event with family and friends. Oh, Yvette also attends family and friends' social events too since everyone know about her. Although we've been through various stages of Yvette's evolution, my wife of 30+ years has been consistently a rational critical, supportive and always lots of fun.
Thankfully, I've never suffered a disconnect between my feminine and masculine self and hence dysphoria has not been at issue. I really like both identities...although some friends have commented that they tend to like Yvette even a bit more than John...She seems to them a bit less overbearing... HaHa!
Someone once asked me.... What kind of man goes around dressed as a woman? I answered, Well you know there are all different kinds of men and I'm that kind.
Happy Crossdressing Everyone :D
Yvette,
That is so different from my experience but it is so cool that you are able to do that. You sound very comfortable in your own skin (with and without make up.)
Moni
QuoteDamm dawn what happened with your wife later? Sometimes i am tempted to do hrt without telling my so
Quote from: SueNZ link=topic=230786.msg2107705#msg2107705 dateThe=1521048346
Openness and honesty is always the best option when considering anything that may change who you are in any relationship. Doing things secretly or subversively normally does not end well.
My most satisfying moments have always been with the blessing of my wife. She hasn't always agreed fully but has always supported me. I am not on any medications and am not planning to either.
Good luck with your journey and I hope your wife is as supportive as mine.
Sue I'm going to counterpoint on this, never minding the point that "always" statements are IMX usually wrong.
I knew exactly what my partner's response would be when I told her I needed to start medical transition. and let's be clear, if it came to ending the relationship, that was an acceptable result for me.
So I didn't tell my partner until about 2 weeks after I started HRT, hindsight says that was the correct decision. I knew approximately how badly she would take it and if anything I underestimated how bad it would be -- essentially she made it all about her, said some quite cruel things about our history and withdrew emotionally for several months (basically wouldn't even discuss it for a few weeks). I'm sure I did too and I'm not making her out to be bad, simply that's what I experienced. I will say that I considered that to be quite unfair, given I'd presented femme from the first time we got physical 17 years prior, lived with her as femme for all of those years and talked with her about transitioning within our first few months together.
My reason for waiting was that I was in a place of emotional turmoil, had been struggling with suicidal ideation for 5 years .. not counting the 10+ years t hat cross dressing alleviated that. I was in no condition to evaluate how HRT made me feel at the same time as fielding her response / reaction and I didn't feel I could do a fair evaluation.
There are people who would say that 2 weeks wasn't enough time to gauge my response, I disagree. My emotional shift was nearly immediate and I know my body and mind well enough to feel I can rule out placebo. Several shifts also occurred in dimensions I had considered completely orthogonal to transition / hormones, they simply weren't on my radar and so I don't think they were explainable as placebo.
I've also never told her that I had started a couple of weeks before talking to her ... what's 2 weeks in a 20 year relationship? I was fully prepared to go a couple of months before letting her know and was doing my estradiol injections at work. I did add to my own stress a little in not communicating it but again, hindsight is clear that the stress of having the discussion was worse. What I had done was telegraph that I was changing, I had let my hair grow to the point it needed tying back and been wearing a bra to work for a few months which I'd never done before due to concerns of its being visible.
I'll reiterate what I wrote before in this thread, I had some satisfaction from X-dressing ... until I didn't
I'm also not saying this was the "right" way, it was just the right way for me :-)
Seriously boys and girls ( and those who are yet undecided) Some of these comments should be in Significant Others...No? Whatever... But, let's not rag too much on wives who have bad reactions to our decision to "transition" long after we've entered a relationship with them under different presumptions. This is NOT what they originally signed up for (usually) is it...? ...Poor girls assumed they were marrying a guy.. Hello!! Now their guy is a girl...!!! Most I think didn't sign up for that... So, love 'em or leave 'em... Some of these "negotiations" seem absurd... If you have another woman in your life..who you are madly in love with..(namely YOU) Let the wife go... Stop trying to fill round holes with square pegs... But, then we want EVERYTHING don't we... :-)
The SO section of the site is reserved for SO's to work out their problems. In that area they are allowed freedom to express themselves and are protected from TG members. TG members may post in that area when assisting SO's with issues but we watch carefully to ensure that comments by TG members are helpful.
There is a thread you might be interested in that was started by a wife who latter discovered that she was TG as well. You will find the thread here (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,220120.0.html).
I had a conversation on-line with someone who went all the way M2F, including bottom surgery. She was giving me some advice and told me that if someone is a true transgender, then cross-dressing will never be enough. That's turned out to be true in my case, I want more, to live daily as a woman and dress 24/7 without hiding anything. I've taken the first steps and a great weight has been lifted from my shoulders.
That said, I know there are many out there who wish to keep "the best of both worlds" and I totally respect that. I just know it's a balancing act that only worked for so long for me and something had to give. I didn't want the cross-dressing to be kept hidden forever like something shameful, not did I want to be discovered accidentally or outed by anyone else except me. I feel I've taken control of my life now, it's not a runaway CD train anymore, I now have the chance to reinvent myself. I'm slowly coming out now, one garment at a time.
Good luck to all on this journey, whether you decide to transition or not.
I'm also wondering if that is my best future, Elise. Maybe I could transition under the right circumstances. But, is wanting family and not having to change your whole life really that bad of a choice?
Amandam - no its not at all. It's very difficult to cut off your whole life. It may not make you happier as the loss of family could be devastating. . I would try to keep things in your life and be able to express yourself within this if at all possible.
We all have to find our own way with this.
I CDed a bit and then tried to avoid it as it made me too aware. It wasn't so much fun, more or was an awakening if someone I am and not something at the time I wanted to deal with.
If someone can be okay as a CD that's great. If it's not enough and to avoid the Crushing feelings of dysphoria you need more, you do what you need to do.....
With wives its a real balancing act. My wife is okay with facial work and some body work, but not hormones. Sex is a big thing for us and I am okay to be a non hormonal trans for the foreseeable future. . .
Being in a closet about identity didn't work for me. Life without my kids and wife won't either.
Quote from: HappyMoni on November 19, 2017, 12:30:33 PM
Is it satisfying to dress with no thought of body changes? Is it hard to integrate being happy with being a male and yet liking to indulge in feminine pursuits?
Good question. For me, my situation has been a bit different to most crossdressers because I had a delayed puberty and then have had/enjoyed a very long period of maturation, whereby the usual boy-to-man changes have come in over decades rather than years. As of 2018, my body has finally caught up with what a male should like in their 30s (and added some extra ageing as a bitter cherry on top). I now am bulky, whereas just two years ago I had a size 8-10 figure with very little typical male fat distribution and this gave me a quite a feminine body shape even without female fat distribution or the illusion of it. The lack of male fat/padding on my stomach, sides and upper back made me look pretty convincing. My face has always been very male however with regard to skin and fat distribution ( though it's currently still shaped like a 20 something, but I guess that'll be the next thing to fill-in so that you'd never tell that I was fairly androgynous once upon a time). Apart from that remaining virtue, my face now matches my body, which is very much not feminine. It's made it almost impossible to wear anything that isn't the standard middle-age man wardrobe, let alone doing things or being seen to do things that are feminine. It's wiped all that out.
The answer to your question is that these final changes have been pretty quick and pretty distressing, and so I now feel disgust while crossdressing just as I was accepting of it and feeling that I had at least one natural advantage over other MTFs and crossdressers. I now look like Buffalo Bill. I've gone up three dress sizes on my upper torso due to all the meat that has appeared around my shoulders and upper back in the last 12 months. So no, I have no satisfaction at all now. I used to have mainly issues with my manly face, though my hair was thick and my figure genuinely petite. But now I am properly balding, bulky and still with the male face, its obliterated the confidence I had spent a good six to seven years building up. This (among generally feeling like my life is slipping away as I near middle-age) has kickstarted the drive to do something about it through HRT to get some answers and maybe, maybe, possibly feel good about how I look.