Satisfaction as a cross dresser?

[Janes Groove]

I was a cross dresser for about 17 years, from 1998 to 2015, if one doesn't count childhood crossdressing and a brief period in college.  Once I admitted to myself that I was transgender, I started to enjoy dressing again, after I came out and I stopped thinking of myself as "just a crossdresser."  I lived full time without HRT while seeing a gender therapist and started HRT 6 months later.

It provided me with with a feeling of relief.  As well as feelings of shame and confusion which I now attribute mostly to the secretive nature of my activites. As a crossdresser, I was still dealing with the full effects of testosterone which caused erotic excitement and required a sexual release that I always felt ambivalent about.

I still enjoy looking sexy now, but the compulsion to do something about it is gone.  And I find that to be a tremdous relief.  For about the last 10 years of being a crossdresser tho I hardly ever indulged as I eventually got to the point where I was like, "If I can't BE a woman, I don't want to wear her clothes.  What's the point?"  Also, having the correct hormones in me just completes my overall sense of well being.

I feel a lot of kinship with crossdressers because I was one for so long and for me knowing that the transgender umbrella is inclusive and welcoming of cross dressers made it a lot easier for me to come out as transgender and transition when I did.  I am glad we are inclusive and supporting of cross dressers. This is as it should be.

[SueNZ]

I was a cross dresser for about 17 years, from 1998 to 2015, if one doesn't count childhood crossdressing and a brief period in college.  Once I admitted to myself that I was transgender, I started to enjoy dressing again, after I came out and I stopped thinking of myself as "just a crossdresser."  I lived full time without HRT while seeing a gender therapist and started HRT 6 months later.

It provided me with with a feeling of relief.  As well as feelings of shame and confusion which I now attribute mostly to the secretive nature of my activites. As a crossdresser, I was still dealing with the full effects of testosterone which caused erotic excitement and required a sexual release that I always felt ambivalent about.

I still enjoy looking sexy now, but the compulsion to do something about it is gone.  And I find that to be a tremdous relief.  For about the last 10 years of being a crossdresser tho I hardly ever indulged as I eventually got to the point where I was like, "If I can't BE a woman, I don't want to wear her clothes.  What's the point?"  Also, having the correct hormones in me just completes my overall sense of well being.

I feel a lot of kinship with crossdressers because I was one for so long and for me knowing that the transgender umbrella is inclusive and welcoming of cross dressers made it a lot easier for me to come out as transgender and transition when I did.  I am glad we are inclusive and supporting of cross dressers. This is as it should be.11

Thank you Jane,
If the world was free and easy, I would live as a woman now. The tough point is I have gone so far I can't and couldn't.
I am 51 and I also like my cross abilities.
Cross dressing is a good title for people like me. The realism is that if you crossdress you are really transgendered and would like to transition, even if that's impossible.
Apart from this I am really satisfied, I get to have the best of both worlds.
I must admit my thirst for retail therapy from shopping is not satisfying, since I balance my denial with my thirst I have found my wardrobe outstrips my ability to wear.



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[Lyric]

It's pretty normal for a transsexual to experience a confused period in which they think they must fit into the "crossdresser" stereotype, as you did, Moni. This tend to be a  forum dominated by transsexuals, but you can find other forums full of happy male who label themselves as crossdressers, if you like.

I'm not fond of the labels "crossdresser", "->-bleeped-<-" or "fetishist" in reference to myself or anyone else, for that matter. However, the most consistent difference I've observed between transsexuals and these other feminine males is that the so-called crossdressers seem happier with themselves. Forums like Susan's tend to be full of threads of worry and complaint while threads at crossdresser forums thread to be more full of fun and happiness. So, if you're having a good time, you may not be a TS! Not to say that transsexuals are sad-sacks but most go through a lot of issues before things get better.

The other folks tend to be happy with life and usually find a way to manage their feminine inclinations. I have. In fact most people probably wouldn't label me as either a "crossdresser" or a "transsexual". I'm happy to be androgynous all the time and rarely feel the need to fall into a gender pigeonhole. Others may occasionally look at me at think of me as a crossdresser-- or as a woman. I really don't care. I am who I am, as they say.

[HappyMoni]

It's pretty normal for a transsexual to experience a confused period in which they think they must fit into the "crossdresser" stereotype, as you did, Moni. This tend to be a  forum dominated by transsexuals, but you can find other forums full of happy male who label themselves as crossdressers, if you like.

I'm not fond of the labels "crossdresser", "->-bleeped-<-" or "fetishist" in reference to myself or anyone else, for that matter. However, the most consistent difference I've observed between transsexuals and these other feminine males is that the so-called crossdressers seem happier with themselves. Forums like Susan's tend to be full of threads of worry and complaint while threads at crossdresser forums thread to be more full of fun and happiness. So, if you're having a good time, you may not be a TS! Not to say that transsexuals are sad-sacks but most go through a lot of issues before things get better.

The other folks tend to be happy with life and usually find a way to manage their feminine inclinations. I have. In fact most people probably wouldn't label me as either a "crossdresser" or a "transsexual". I'm happy to be androgynous all the time and rarely feel the need to fall into a gender pigeonhole. Others may occasionally look at me at think of me as a crossdresser-- or as a woman. I really don't care. I am who I am, as they say.

I think the reason transsexuals might seem less happy is that the process  of transition with all the waiting, disruption of the previous life, money, and surgeries create a lot of stress. Cross dressers don't deal with this generally speaking. As for me, I am definitely an over the top, happy transsexual. I was no good at being a cross dresser. That sure might have been more convenient. 
Moni

[Lilith.lupe.tamayo]

I use to consider myself a CD but the more time passes I feel like that is not enough, the label makes me feel like I am fake or Im just the clothes and make up. Before it use to be something really exciting and even though I can dress and do my makeup way better than when I was a teen it doesn't feel the same. Like I love looking like a diva but I want ppl to see me as a woman when I have my jeans and hoodie.

[DawnOday]

As you know I was a cross dresser for far to long. Choosing to go on HRT was not a tough choice and I did it without consulting my wife. When I did a couple months later she was a little perplexed. But she knew since before day one of living together that I cross dressed. If I would have known that taking hormones would cure my depression I would have tried it much sooner. If the opportunities existed back in the day for GRS I certainly would have transitioned much sooner. Especially with the advent of the internet in the mid 80's (remember 900 baud) By the way Moni. I almost got stuck in a Noreaster going to Harrisburg. I decided not to go just before time to leave.

[Lilith.lupe.tamayo]

Damm dawn what happened with your wife later? Sometimes i am tempted to do hrt without telling my so

[SueNZ]

Damm dawn what happened with your wife later? Sometimes i am tempted to do hrt without telling my so

Openness and honesty is always the best option when considering anything that may change who you are in any relationship. Doing things secretly or subversively normally does not end well.
My most satisfying moments have always been with the blessing of my wife. She hasn't always agreed fully but has always supported me. I am not on any medications and am not planning to either.
Good luck with your journey and I hope your wife is as supportive as mine.

[Lilith.lupe.tamayo]

Openness and honesty is always the best option when considering anything that may change who you are in any relationship. Doing things secretly or subversively normally does not end well.
My most satisfying moments have always been with the blessing of my wife. She hasn't always agreed fully but has always supported me. I am not on any medications and am not planning to either.
Good luck with your journey and I hope your wife is as supportive as mine.

I know, you are right, is just to for me to deal with situations like this

[Sonja]

Openness and honesty is always the best option when considering anything that may change who you are in any relationship. Doing things secretly or subversively normally does not end well.
My most satisfying moments have always been with the blessing of my wife. She hasn't always agreed fully but has always supported me. I am not on any medications and am not planning to either.
Good luck with your journey and I hope your wife is as supportive as mine.

SueNZ - Have you ever gone out with your wife 'dressed' to an event or club for people who dress?
My wife has been accommodating with all the things I dress and do so far, but I've never gone out in public, but I would love to go out 'dressed' with her dancing to some event for like minded people. I think she would love it.

Sonja.  Auckland,NZ

[SueNZ]

SueNZ - Have you ever gone out with your wife 'dressed' to an event or club for people who dress?
My wife has been accommodating with all the things I dress and do so far, but I've never gone out in public, but I would love to go out 'dressed' with her dancing to some event for like minded people. I think she would love it.

Sonja.  Auckland,NZ

Hi Sonja,
No unfortunately. I have turned up to my local golf club dressed a couple of times for fun but that has been my only times in public. I have a high profile in Tauranga and I do not want to risk relationships and credibility that I have spent decades building.
I would love to go out for dinner and some dancing as well but I do not see that happening as while my wife is supportive, she is also full of anxiety that I will be found out. In saying that, we are hosting our neighbours daughters 10th birthday this weekend and the daughter wants me to dress as a yellow fairy. Little does she know how much I will enjoy that. My wife has bought a fairy dress, yellow nail polish, yellow wig, yellow zinc stick and some ballet flats that I need to make yellow all we need no are some yellow tights. My job will be to serve a whole lot of 10 year old girls.
Thank you for making contact Sonja, and I hope to catch up again. Cheers Sue

[DawnOday]

Damm dawn what happened with your wife later? Sometimes i am tempted to do hrt without telling my so

I am one of the luckiest people on the face of the earth. My wife is my rock and we have been together so long, I could not fathom being without her. However, my DES induced confusion has been there all my life. I screwed up one marriage because I did not know how to address the issue. Different times though and in the 70's transgender was not even a term. Jo has always known I have been wrestling with the issue from before we moved in together. I was also becoming a real jerk. My anger overtook me. I went to my sisters and had a breakdown. By the time I left my sisters, I had promised to go to therapy. The difference this time is we addressed the 800 lb gorilla in the room. It did not take the therapist long before she was asking me if I wanted to start HRT. Just the mental aspect alone justify starting HRT. I haven't changed, just acknowledged what we already knew. Once it was in the open all stress left me and now I can live like a caring, loving mate rather than carrying around all my anger. I have discovered along the line that I am not really into sex. My first wife was a nympho and I could not hang. Jo is much more laid back and when I got sick thirty years ago she was told I had five years to live. Since she knew that too much could cause a heart attack we more or less have been celibate. It has not affected our relationship because there is just so much more than sex.

[Sonja]

Hi Sonja,
No unfortunately. I have turned up to my local golf club dressed a couple of times for fun but that has been my only times in public. I have a high profile in Tauranga and I do not want to risk relationships and credibility that I have spent decades building.
I would love to go out for dinner and some dancing as well but I do not see that happening as while my wife is supportive, she is also full of anxiety that I will be found out. In saying that, we are hosting our neighbours daughters 10th birthday this weekend and the daughter wants me to dress as a yellow fairy. Little does she know how much I will enjoy that. My wife has bought a fairy dress, yellow nail polish, yellow wig, yellow zinc stick and some ballet flats that I need to make yellow all we need no are some yellow tights. My job will be to serve a whole lot of 10 year old girls.
Thank you for making contact Sonja, and I hope to catch up again. Cheers Sue

Hi Sue,
How did the yellow fairy look turn out? Were the 10 year old girls impressed?  Tell all...

Sonja.

[SueNZ]

Hi Sue,
How did the yellow fairy look turn out? Were the 10 year old girls impressed?  Tell all...

Sonja.

Hi Sonja,
It was a fantastic weekend and I could spend half of it dressed up. The girls said it was the best party ever. I had glitter as fairy dust and a wand that I would place magic spells. Some of the parents who dropped off their girls just looked at me and shook their heads. I have showed the photos to people and they are truely wondering what I am about.
Here is a link to a couple of photos, hopefully I have done this ok as I am not that adept at this sort of thing.
https://www.flickr.com/photos/154099970@N02/shares/04PKc0
Cheers Sue.

[Devlyn]

Pictures work fine, Sue. Looking good!

Hugs, Devlyn

[Sonja]

Hi Sonja,
It was a fantastic weekend and I could spend half of it dressed up. The girls said it was the best party ever. I had glitter as fairy dust and a wand that I would place magic spells. Some of the parents who dropped off their girls just looked at me and shook their heads. I have showed the photos to people and they are truely wondering what I am about.
Here is a link to a couple of photos, hopefully I have done this ok as I am not that adept at this sort of thing.
https://www.flickr.com/photos/154099970@N02/shares/04PKc0
Cheers Sue.

Hi Sue, That's fantastic - looking great! I'm glad your daughter loved it! You all have big smiles on so well done!

Sonja.

[SueNZ]

Hi Sue, That's fantastic - looking great! I'm glad your daughter loved it! You all have big smiles on so well done!

Sonja.

Hi Sonja, our boys are 24 & 22 that weekend was for our neighbors daughter. Her dad has chronic fatigue syndrome and is highly incapacitated so we hosted the weekend. They are awesome neighbors and we have known them since their girls were born. Girls everywhere a fairy was required and an opportunity to dress up, I would say a win-win for all. [emoji106]


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[Yvetteforfun]

I've been changing clothes for...G-D knows how many years....  I've always loved the fun of becoming Yvette...shaving, shopping, dating and yes preening in the mirror...Terrible!  I've always had a fondness for the term ->-bleeped-<-...it conjures up a steamy bar in 1930's Weimar Berlin...where boys would be girls and boys would love it...  I think the term  is from the French...and it sounds sexy to me.  I go everywhere en femme, theatre, symphony, opera, music venues, dinners, baseball games and it is so much FUN.  Because of my petite stature I'm reasonably passable...but I really don't care... It's fun to be read...especially in otherwise stuffy environs.

At the same time I love being my man-self.  Nothing like wearing a beautiful suit, handsome shoes and a dapper top coat to a social event with family and friends. Oh, Yvette also attends family and friends' social events too since everyone know about her.  Although we've been through various stages of Yvette's evolution, my wife of 30+ years has been consistently a rational critical, supportive and always lots of fun. 


Thankfully, I've never suffered a disconnect between my feminine and masculine self and hence dysphoria has not been at issue.  I really like both identities...although some friends have commented that they tend to like Yvette even a bit more than John...She seems to them a bit less overbearing...   HaHa!

Someone once asked me....  What kind of man goes around dressed as a woman?  I answered, Well you know there are all different kinds of men and I'm that kind.

Happy Crossdressing Everyone 

[HappyMoni]

Yvette,
   That is so different from my experience but it is so cool that you are able to do that. You sound very comfortable in your own skin (with and without make up.)
Moni

[SadieBlake]

Damm dawn what happened with your wife later? Sometimes i am tempted to do hrt without telling my so

Openness and honesty is always the best option when considering anything that may change who you are in any relationship. Doing things secretly or subversively normally does not end well.
My most satisfying moments have always been with the blessing of my wife. She hasn't always agreed fully but has always supported me. I am not on any medications and am not planning to either.
Good luck with your journey and I hope your wife is as supportive as mine.

Sue I'm going to counterpoint on this, never minding the point that "always" statements are IMX usually wrong.

I knew exactly what my partner's response would be when I told her I needed to start medical transition. and let's be clear, if it came to ending the relationship, that was an acceptable result for me.

So I didn't tell my partner until about 2 weeks after I started HRT, hindsight says that was the correct decision. I knew approximately how badly she would take it and if anything I underestimated how bad it would be -- essentially she made it all about her, said some quite cruel things about our history and withdrew emotionally for several months (basically wouldn't even discuss it for a few weeks). I'm sure I did too and I'm not making her out to be bad, simply that's what I experienced. I will say that I considered that to be quite unfair, given I'd presented femme from the first time we got physical 17 years prior, lived with her as femme for all of those years and talked with her about transitioning within our first few months together.

My reason for waiting was that I was in a place of emotional turmoil, had been struggling with suicidal ideation for 5 years .. not counting the 10+ years t hat cross dressing alleviated that. I was in no condition to evaluate how HRT made me feel at the same time as fielding her response / reaction and I didn't feel I could do a fair evaluation.

There are people who would say that 2 weeks wasn't enough time to gauge my response, I disagree. My emotional shift was nearly immediate and I know my body and mind well enough to feel I can rule out placebo. Several shifts also occurred in dimensions I had considered completely orthogonal to transition / hormones, they simply weren't on my radar and so I don't think they were explainable as placebo.

I've also never told her that I had started a couple of weeks before talking to her ... what's 2 weeks in a 20 year relationship? I was fully prepared to go a couple of months before letting her know and was doing my estradiol injections at work. I did add to my own stress a little in not communicating it but again, hindsight is clear that the stress of having the discussion was worse. What I had done was telegraph that I was changing, I had let my hair grow to the point it needed tying back and been wearing a bra to work for a few months which I'd never done before due to concerns of its being visible.

I'll reiterate what I wrote before in this thread, I had some satisfaction from X-dressing ... until I didn't

I'm also not saying this was the "right" way, it was just the right way for me :-)