I always knew my grandpa wasn't thrilled with me being trans but I thought he was begrudgingly accepting. Last night he made it clear he's not. He came over and said he wanted to talk to all three of us. He asked how long we intended to keep going with the bull ### about my mom not being allowed to come to our house and asked if we really intended to not let her come for Christmas.(no doubt my mom had called him) My dad told him it was out of his hands and that it was a matter for the court. My grandpa said it should never have become a legal thing because my mom hadn't done anything wrong. When my dad reminded him she had hit me his response was " so what"? He said parents hit their kids and there was nothing wrong with that. He said I had probably deserved it and that I was a little smart ass and he had wanted to smack me a few times himself. He said It was the only way kids learned anything. My dad told him he wasn't getting into that argument again.
He brought up the fact my dad isn't speaking to his brother and now it was his wife. He said that should tell him he's the problem not other people. He said him allowing me to transition was wrong and he shouldn't get upset when people told him so. Then he asked me how I thought it made him feel seeing me with another boy. He said watching him touch and kiss me was gross and perverted but that he didn't say that because sometimes you had to let things slide in the interest of the family and that's what I needed to do with my mom. My dad told him what my mother did was totally wrong and that he wouldn't let it slide.
Then he told my dad it was his fault I was trans. My dad asked him how it was his fault. He said my dad had always had an unnatural attachment to me and he hadn't acted like a father was supposed to. He said it wasn't natural for a father to take care of a baby exclusively and that it was totally weird for a father to walk around with a baby strapped to his chest. (My dad sometimes used a baby bjorn with me) He told my grandpa my mom had issues after I was born and that he had no choice but to take care of me . Then he told my dad he had been too loving and affectionate with me growing up and that you never do that with male children because it makes them weak. My dad asked what he was supposed to do, ignore me? He said no but when I climbed up into his lap he should have told me no and given me a smack and pushed me away. (My mom did do that to me) so my dad asked him how exactly that had made me trans. He said it started it and that his failure as a father had finished the job.
I don't usually talk back to my grandpa but him saying that about my dad really pissed me off. I told him my dad was an excellent father and that he has always helped me with anything I needed. He said that's the reason I'm "this way". My dad told him nothing he could have done would have stopped me from transitioning. My grandpa told him that was bull ##. He said whenever my dad caught me doing something weird he should have told me it was wrong and given me a good spanking with a belt so I remembered it. My dad said that would only have made me hate him and be afraid of him. My grandpa said kids are supposed to be afraid of their father. Tyler told him that was ignorant. So then my grandpa told him off. He told Tyler he was a sorry excuse of an older brother and that older brothers were supposed to help their younger brothers/sisters . I told him Tyler had always done that. He said no he hadn't. He said he should also have told me feminine behavior was wrong and that he should have been a little rough if he had too to help me understand it was wrong, (I guess by that he meant Tyler should have slapped me around) and that he also had been to loving and affectionate with me and brothers aren't supposed to act that way. I told him he was being stupid now. He said my father and brother had both failed me and that's why I am like this.
I wish I hadn't now but I asked my grandpa if I was really so awful. He said that no matter how many surgeries I had or hormones I took I would never be a real girl and that I would always just be pretending to be something I never will be. He said it was sad that my dad and brother had encouraged me to think a delusion could be real. Wow. There's nothing like having a family member rip you apart. Even though he was never ok with me being trans, I didn't know he felt that way about it. My dad told him to stop it and that he should leave. He said he was just being honest and that someone needed to. Then he asked my dad if now he was planning on disowning him like he had his own brother and wife. My dad told him to just leave. He said it was ###up that my dad cut family members out of his life for calling him on the fact that he let his son become a freak. As much as I totally hate that I did it, I cried over that. I know my grandpa doesn't approve of me being trans but for him to call me a freak really hurt me. I never knew he felt like I was a freak.
It seems like whenever things go smoothly and I could almost forget I'm trans or at least stop dwelling on it something has to happen to make sure I remember I'm trans and not normal. I seem to be losing family members one by one.
Oh Julia 🤦♀️ I'm so sorry you are going through this with your grandpa. He sounds like he is stuck in the past and can't accept change. Your dad and brother were so right in defending you.
Also there is no fault with how we are, and you are already and always have been a girl.
I hope your holidays smooth out.
Hugs, Jessica 💁
I can't help you cope and I'm sorry that you have to deal with that. There is nothing here for you to be ashamed about. This is entirely in the hands of your Mom and grandpa. They are the ones with the problem, not you. I know is basic nature to take on guilt, don't do it. This is on them.
You can be proud of your brother and father being like they are when surrounded by people like this. Its a lot easier to be good when everyone around you is good, but this shows their true strength.
omg, wow, I am so sorry Julia. My jaw dropped a few times reading this because I couldn't believe what I was seein, especially the parts where he said your brother wasn't good to you, your dad and brother are amazing! You're a strong girl though, this sucks but I know you'll get through it
(not Allowed) him, he'll come round when he's seen he's Billy no mates with a family that want nothing to do with him
Mod Edit- Watch the language please
Sometimes you just need to put the old ones on an ice floe and be done with it.
OMG Julia, I am so sorry. I had a really rough time reading your post and I am in so much disbelieve about your grandpa's positions. It somehow explains why your mom is the way she is.
I know it will not be easy but try not to let this get to you. What he expressed is a completely outdated view which should have been gone decades ago. He is also ignoring any scientific knowledge of the reasons for being trans.
By his definition I would be a bad mom too. Yes, we have a baby bjorn and I usually cannot wait for my kid to come and wanting to sit on my lap. This is so precious time and I usually drop everything for a chance to have it.
Your dad is a great dad. He stands by you and your brother and took very good care of you while your mom could not or did not want to.
Again, I am so sorry for you. Keep in mind that your dad and brother love you so much and stand by you!
First off, you're NOT a freak. You were born with a female brain, but your body was born male. That's a birth defect, similar to being born with heart problems or a cleft pallate (sorry if I offend anyone actually born that way). Its something that hormomes and surgery can fix nowadays, so whh not take advantage of it like you would any other fixable birth defect? That's all you're doing, correcting a birth defect.
Second, OMG, does your grandfather's knuckles drag on the ground when he walks? (No offense.) He sounds like a total caveman! Its too bad that he feels that a man showing his children love instead of fear is "a bad thing." And for the record, its not. You have an AMAZING Dad (and brother too!), and you are a very lucky girl.
It sounds like you have a toxic person in your grandfather. I know it hurts, but maybe, for your sanity you should not have much contact with him, if any.
Sometimes, the people you love the most are the ones you have to cut out of your life, for your own sanity. They're also often are the ones that know EXACTLY what buttons to push to get the reactions they want out of you.
I'm so sorry he's so close-minded and backwards-thinking. Its no longer the 1800s, something he doesn't seem to understand.
*hug*
Ryuichi
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Julia, Gramps needs to be educated. Print this off for him and have him read it. If you have to. Read it to him.
https://www.susans.org/wiki/Transsexualism_-_Information_for_the_family
You are far better off with your relationship with your father as my father did not have much time to spend with me. There is nothing wrong with a loving father. It'S the part I played in my children's life. I changed diapers, put on cod liver oil, bandaged boo boos, and gasp. I kissed and hugged them and told them how proud I was of them. I played with them and gasp again. I never had to discipline them physically. Sitting in the corner would find them occupied playing with a piece of fuzz. My kids have no indication of my transgender tendencies, because they were not influenced in utero by forced hormone treatment. Julia, it is tough to set people aside but frankly, you have your life to live. Not your Grandpa's. He has lived his life, in the manner he thought was right for him. This is your time.
I think many here know how great your brother and father are.
I'm sorry your grandpa feels that way about things, he seems to come from the same school as my mum "suck it up and be miserable" so they can be happy and not open their minds.
I'd be making every effort to minimise contact with him.
Hugs. X
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Any thinking, feeling person knows he's wrong. Your awesome father and brother know he's wrong. What's more, you know he's wrong.
He's not worth the air he breathes. It's time to let him go.
I am so sorry Julia. You are a woman. That you require surgery to cure your dysphoria is not your fault. The alienation of family members who do not accept your true self is also not your fault.
Some older people are not to blame for their ignorance. It is usually too late for them to be re-educated, though, when the re-education is about deeply held beliefs.
Your father still has you and Tyler, and you still have them.
I knew my grandpa was backwards about some things, especially LGBT stuff but I don't understand how he can have such outdated ideas. He's not that old but I don't believe age is the reason. I know people a lot older than him who are open minded and willing to learn about things they may not understand. He is just a mean, prejudiced, ignorant person. All the men on my dads side of the family are military. But I don't think that's a reason either. My dads friends are military or former military and except for one they have all treated me well. Whatever the reason is for his messed up thinking it really makes me sad that my poor dad grew up with a father like that. I'm glad my dad rejected that kind of attitude and ignorant ideas. But my uncle is just like my grandpa. I pity any kids he has. Especially male kids.
Sorry to say it but he's an ignorant ass**le. You guys were actually patient and almost nice to him compared to what he was saying. I would have been yelling and reminding him of all the things he did wrong so he stopped judging others.
At the end of the day some people choose to feel the way they do about us because it's just easier for them to. If they didn't they'd have to do some thinking and empathizing. For some people that's pretty hard work.
Julia, I had to wait to respond to this since I was getting emotional all day thinking about it. We have similar issues with your grandpa and my dad. I don't think it's the military or even education, it's just them. They have preconceived ideas about the world and when something doesn't fit their narrative they lash out even at family members. Your grandpa will probably never be supportive, neither will my dad. My mom even told me to not go too far with my dad as he's not ready. I think he may lash out like your grandpa has. The worst part of doing so is that talk feeds the types of shame, insecurities, basically all the reason we were repressing, closeted and miserable. Thinking that's how some people want us makes me cry indeed. I feel for you, Julia.
Bari Jo
Oh Julia. :(
I wish I didn't have to say this, but someone in that mess is a narcissist. One of the methods of abuse is abuse by proxy - you grandpa has been used as the willing vehicle - chosen because his views are close to that of the actual perpetrator... :(
This is a direct consequence of the ongoing non-contact, with your mum, I suspect.
Place your trust in your dad and your brother - they're doing all they can to support and nurture you
Rowan
Quote from: Bari Jo on December 06, 2017, 07:45:21 PM
Julia, I had to wait to respond to this since I was getting emotional all day thinking about it. We have similar issues with your grandpa and my dad. I don't think it's the military or even education, it's just them. They have preconceived ideas about the world and when something doesn't fit their narrative they lash out even at family members. Your grandpa will probably never be supportive, neither will my dad. My mom even told me to not go too far with my dad as he's not ready. I think he may lash out like your grandpa has. The worst part of doing so is that talk feeds the types of shame, insecurities, basically all the reason we were repressing, closeted and miserable. Thinking that's how some people want us makes me cry indeed. I feel for you, Julia.
Bari Jo
What made this so bad for me was the fact I didn't see it coming. I know my grandpa and I should have expected this would happen. I knew my grandpa wasn't very happy with me being trans but he seemed to be a little accepting. He never misgendered me or used my boy name. I wasn't prepared for the things he said to me and my dad and Tyler. It bothered me more that he blamed my dad and even Tyler for me being trans than the stuff he said to me. I don't even know how someone could be so totally ignorant! Honestly the thought of cutting him out of my life doesn't upset me. I do feel bad because of my dad though. First his brother and now his dad. Though they are ignorant small minded people they are still his family.
Sno, you are absolutely right. My mom had called him and that's what motivated him to act like that. It's really sad that things have ended up like this. But I'm not going to stress out over it. My dad and brother have always been the most important people in my life and I have them so despite what's happened with my mom, uncle and grandpa, I'm still very lucky.
Julia I am sorry for the unfeeling and ignorant opinions of your grandpa. He is wrong. He is a product of his unenlightened generation. Unfortunately I think he could be of my generation. That attitude was the norm when he and I were growing up. It was a different era and that was the way it was. I'm not saying it is right for the times now but it was good enough for his time and he cannot accept that time and things change from what was good enough for him. It is really sad that most people of my generation could not accept these changes for the better but they cannot. In a way I think I suffer from that same attitude he has, but towards myself. I think it is one of the reasons I don't like who I am. Why I cannot accept who I am.
I doubt this has helped you but I felt I needed to tell you I'm sorry for his behavior but I think I understand why he cannot help being that way.
Tell your grandfather that I was beaten with chains by my adoptive mother, and that never changed the fact that I was meant to be female. Believe me, I had been beaten with belts until they broke.
I think you are very aware that nothing can change a female brain into a male brain. You can only change the body.
My brother's mother-in-law is the same exact way about things. It's not age, it's just being an ignorant jerk. Plenty of people who are sub 40 still think that same way (though less each generation).
Quote from: Laurie on December 06, 2017, 09:56:01 PM
I think it is one of the reasons I don't like who I am. Why I cannot accept who I am.
Laurie, I was raised this way too. I have tried everything to not be trans as I'm sure you have too. Personal acceptance is so hard. Hugs to you.
Bari Jo
Quote from: Lady Sarah on December 06, 2017, 10:18:01 PM
Tell your grandfather that I was beaten with chains by my adoptive mother, and that never changed the fact that I was meant to be female. Believe me, I had been beaten with belts until they broke.
I think you are very aware that nothing can change a female brain into a male brain. You can only change the body.
OMG, that's so horrible! I'm so sorry that happened to you. Big hugs.
This is turning into such a mess. Since my grandma decided she didn't want to do Christmas or thanksgiving anymore my grand parents come to our house on Christmas. Last night my grandpa called my dad and told him that they weren't coming to our house for Christmas. He told my dad if he wanted to see them on Christmas he and Tyler could come to their house Christmas day but I couldn't come because my mom was going to their house on Christmas day. My dad told him he wasn't planning on letting him come to our house and that he wouldn't be going to theirs. My grandpa said he hoped my dad wouldn't stop Tyler from coming. Tyler doesn't want to go over there either. The stuff my grandpa said to him hurt his feelings and also really pissed him off. Tyler has always been very protective of me and even experienced bullying himself because of me. For my grandpa to say he was a sorry excuse of an older brother was totally awful. He might of crossed a line with Tyler, I don't know. I can't help but feel bad about all of it. I feel like I'm causing the destruction of my family. I told my dad he and Tyler should go to my grandparents house on Christmas. My dad got kind of irritated with me and told me he absolutely wasn't doing that and I shouldn't feel bad and that if family members wanted to be ignorant dumb ###s then that was on them. But I can't help feeling bad. All of this crap is because of me.
No, it's not because of you. It's because your grandpa has made a choice. You have nothing to be guilty of.
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You shared a true and undeniable fact, how people react to that is ENTIRELY their choice. It's great you've seen how good people can be (your dad and brother), but also sad you've seen the worst of people.
All my family live within 20 miles of each other, and there are 3 separate Christmas' all because some of my family made a negative choice on how they viewed my transition.
Big hugs. Cook an awsome Christmas lunch and make them regret not being there. X
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Quote from: Julia1996 on December 07, 2017, 08:39:49 AMBut I can't help feeling bad. All of this crap is because of me.
Julia, don't ever blame yourself for this. You haven't done anything. You are just being yourself.
Your grandfather is being an ignorant knuckle-dragger. He has a choice in the matter. Not everyone in his generation is like that. He could be nice to you if he wanted to, but he chooses not to. Don't blame yourself for his failings.
Listen to your father and brother. They are good men, both of them, and they are strong allies for you.
If there ends up being more family estrangement from this, it is entirely on your grandfather's shoulders. Don't take his burden upon yourself.
Julia,
Listen to your brother and your father. You know they love you for who you are without limits. Those that choose not to are selfish and ignorant. They are the problem, not you. They chose to be stuck in their ignorant lives. It is a wonderful thing to be loved for who you are, Julia. Rejoice in it. You are precious in so many ways.
Hugs,
Laurie
Quote from: Julia1996 on December 07, 2017, 08:39:49 AM
This is turning into such a mess. Since my grandma decided she didn't want to do Christmas or thanksgiving anymore my grand parents come to our house on Christmas. Last night my grandpa called my dad and told him that they weren't coming to our house for Christmas. He told my dad if he wanted to see them on Christmas he and Tyler could come to their house Christmas day but I couldn't come because my mom was going to their house on Christmas day. My dad told him he wasn't planning on letting him come to our house and that he wouldn't be going to theirs. My grandpa said he hoped my dad wouldn't stop Tyler from coming. Tyler doesn't want to go over there either. The stuff my grandpa said to him hurt his feelings and also really pissed him off. Tyler has always been very protective of me and even experienced bullying himself because of me. For my grandpa to say he was a sorry excuse of an older brother was totally awful. He might of crossed a line with Tyler, I don't know. I can't help but feel bad about all of it. I feel like I'm causing the destruction of my family. I told my dad he and Tyler should go to my grandparents house on Christmas. My dad got kind of irritated with me and told me he absolutely wasn't doing that and I shouldn't feel bad and that if family members wanted to be ignorant dumb ###s then that was on them. But I can't help feeling bad. All of this crap is because of me.
Julia, you are the normal one, and you have a normal father and brother. Families look out for each other and accept each other's differences. The fact your other relatives cannot see you for you should not detract from your well-being. Let them go. If they want to be a part of your life they will have to come around. You get a Father's Love and attention, and that's the way I was raised. I didn't turn out bad either.
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Sweetheart, this is triangulation. Your grandpa has chosen to take a side, with a toxic person, and being 'head of the family' believes he is in a position of authority to boss everyone else around.
Give your bro a hug, he deserves one, and so does your dad...
Rowan
It is not because of you! They have a choice in how to handle this! I love my kids unconditionally, thats what youre supposed to do! Gramps is a dick.
Quote from: Julia1996 on December 07, 2017, 08:39:49 AM
I feel like I'm causing the destruction of my family. I told my dad he and Tyler should go to my grandparents house on Christmas. My dad got kind of irritated with me and told me he absolutely wasn't doing that and I shouldn't feel bad and that if family members wanted to be ignorant dumb ###s then that was on them. But I can't help feeling bad. All of this crap is because of me.
Hi Julia,
I had to wait a bit to reply. This made me so angry.
You are very special person and your mother, uncle and grandfather should go... I won't say it but you know. Your grandfather so reminds me of my father. Pre-hrt I would definitely consider punching him in the face. He is such an ignorant piece of work. How dare he say those thing to you, your father and your brother. What a jerk.
You have a great brother and father. You can have a great Christmas together and the rest of them can stew at their Christmas.
Take care of yourself,
Paige :)
Quote from: Julia1996 on December 07, 2017, 08:39:49 AM
... All of this crap is because of me.
No, Julia, it is not because of you. Some of your relatives have been put to the test and failed miserably. Even if they were brought up not to understand gender dysphoria, I can't understand how they can choose to alienate themselves from a family member who has neither done them harm nor intended them harm. There is no reason at all why they could not have behaved as your father and brother have, to accept and love you as who you really are.
Don't apologise for existing, Julia. You are a beautiful person, inside and out.
Hey Julia
Echo: it's not your fault in anyway.
It's natural to feel blame since they are reacting to you. I think you will realize that's what s going on and will overcome that.
Your dad and brother appear to support you 100%. It's was good of you to tell them they could go with out you and awesome of them to tell you no way that they would.
I get a feeling that they may be trying to see if they can manipulate your dad and brother. They may give in once they see that they can't. If they don't it's on them and you cut them out until they come around.
It's tough, but you have enough support from your dad, brother and boyfriend that you will get through it. Try to focus on them and all the other positives in your life that I've read in your posts.
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Julia, none of this is your fault. You are an innocent in all of this.
Your grandfather, mother and uncle are just showing their true colors. Its a sad fact that some people can dislike someone for being themselves.
Continue to be yourself and realize that their attitude is completely and totally on them. You just happen to be the innocent bystander in all of this.
*HUG*
Ryuichi
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I come from Lancashire, England. We have a saying, you can choose your friends but not your family.
Quote from: Julia1996 on December 06, 2017, 08:51:13 PMIt bothered me more that he blamed my dad and even Tyler for me being trans than the stuff he said to me.
Julia Sno is right . . . what real connection does
Your Mother have with your Uncle, Grandpa and Father anyway? Absolutely none it's all Her fault!! Suppose Tyler just got lucky, her funny "
girl gene" missed?? Gotta respect your Grandpa's honesty after all your dad turned out alright!! What? He's just doing his job, it's cop 'diversity training" kicking in?? I think not . . .
If Grandpa expects you to "man up" then do it, despite hurtful remarks, tell him you love him regardless!! Christmas is coming not much you can do about "protection order", be the brave woman your mother is not and perhaps your dad can fix it, her lesson learned??
I defend my kids against
their mother, my 'ex',
All The Time who happens to be back in the house with us
What An Irony: supposed to pay me 'child support'. . . doesn't happen! She has a standing protection order against me (very annoying I cannot buy a gun) but
THAT'S in New York, not Georgia either get with the
PROGRAMME or here's a plane ticket back to
Yankeeville . . .
And ThankYou Very Much for Just Visiting!!!
Quote from: Kiera on December 10, 2017, 06:36:27 AM
Julia Sno is right . . . what real connection does Your Mother have with your Uncle, Grandpa and Father anyway? Absolutely none it's all Her fault!! Suppose Tyler just got lucky, her funny "girl gene" missed?? Gotta respect your Grandpa's honesty after all your dad turned out alright!! What? He's just doing his job, it's cop 'diversity training" kicking in?? I think not . . .
If Grandpa expects you to "man up" then do it, despite hurtful remarks, tell him you love him regardless!! Christmas is coming not much you can do about "protection order", be the brave woman your mother is not and perhaps your dad can fix it, her lesson learned??
I defend my kids against their mother, my 'ex', All The Time who happens to be back in the house with us What An Irony: supposed to pay me 'child support'. . . doesn't happen! She has a standing protection order against me (very annoying I cannot buy a gun) but THAT'S in New York, not Georgia either get with the PROGRAMME or here's a plane ticket back to Yankeeville . . .
And ThankYou Very Much for Just Visiting!!!
Firstly, I DESPISE the term " man up". I heard it way too much growing up. From my uncle and grandpa. " man up" doesn't apply to me in any way. Please don't ever use it in reference to me.
I have tolerated a lot from my grandpa but him attacking my dad and Tyler was the last straw for me. I'm going to be totally honest here, I don't hate my grandpa, I have pity for him that he's so ignorant about so many things. But I can't say I love him either. If that makes me a bad person then I can't help it. My dad turned out to be a good person DESPITE my grandpa. And still being honest, I DO hate my uncle. I always have. When someone constantly makes fun of you for being who you are and thinks it's wrong, you can't help but hate them. At least I can't. If that makes me a small person then I'm a small person. It's too hard to love people who tell you your very existence is wrong and you need to change who and what you are to please them.
I've given my mom far more chances than anyone else but I'm over that now. The fact is, my mom hasn't ever really loved me. Maybe because I was born albino, she's always made it clear how distasteful she finds that. Once when I was out with my mom we ran into someone my mom works with. She asked who I was and when my mom told her she said she never knew my mom had another child and that she had never mentioned me. I don't hate my mom but it's obvious nothing I do will change her feelings towards me so at this point I don't have a problem with her not being in my life. I've tried and tried to have a relationship with her. It's pointless and I'm tired of trying.
A lot of people here have told me that sometimes you have to cut toxic people out of your life. Sadly I see that's true. I'm not going to feel bad for being trans or apologize for it. Despite what some people think, I had no choice in the matter. None of us do.
Quote from: Julia1996 on December 10, 2017, 07:42:36 AMIt's too hard to love people who tell you your very existence is wrong and you need to change who and what you are to please them.
...
It's pointless and I'm tired of trying.
Excellent. You have shown much more compassion toward them than they've shown you. Your strength and maturity are an inspiration, and much more than a lot of people many times your age can muster.
You've done your best, have let them blow far more chances than they deserve, and have reached the only logical conclusion.
Applause!
Julia,
The fact that your Grandfather was so over the top ridiculously ignorant was horribly painful for you, but that type of behavior points out how stupid the argument against trans people is. He could have gone on for a long time, being passive aggressive, making insensitive, hurtful comments. Instead this 'performance' of his really makes clear who the fools are. I can't speak for you, but I think I come away from that event feeling angry. I feel strong in the support of the people who really matter, (your Dad and Tyler). I think it convinces me that if your Grandfather is so obviously wrong, that I have to come a way from it with pride for my side. Whether that is pride in being trans or pride in being you as a person, that is how I would view it. Now I have not faced the type of rejection you and Laurie have faced. I have been lucky. I just know that if I allow myself to let their thinking creep into my head and make me feel bad about myself, I have given them a victory. I'm too stubborn. I'll use the anger to make me feel good about myself. And rightly so, because logically I am on the right side of the argument. Feeling bad is just me living under their rules of hate. Just my thoughts!
Moni
Julia,
What Monica says has a lot of truth to it. I pray you take her words and those of the many here who have responded to you anguish. You bear no part in such behavior and you Dad and brother are supporting you not only because they love you but because it is only right that they should. Your mother and grandfather are wrong and hurtful view from another time that is fading slowly in the face of science and common decency.
I can see this myself but my case is a bit different in that I am old enough to be not only the victim of such wrong thinking but also the antagonist in it. My battle is within myself more than anywhere else.
Julia, you have a beautiful soul and I'm sad that this has happened. Families splinter for all sorts of reasons. Most seem to happen because of ignorance on one side or another sometimes many. Sometimes relationships are mended sometimes not. If you still care for them, show them love even if they won't. Hate never wins. Right now your grandfather is losing.
We love you, Jessica
Julia *I'm Sorry* hate THAT term too. Know how many times was told that while fighting for my kids? DFCS (GA family services) once said "get over it, go find yourself another girlfriend" . . . Both my parents and grandparents have since passed miss them terribly but not 'the step'. She only lingers to spend what money is left.
"Ex" can still be verbally abusive when unhappy & angry - any idea the source of such expressed frustration with your very existence? Seems like your simply the "patsy", easiest target to heap upon, when it truth it probably has nothing to do with you.