I've heard some trans guys say they are a little uncomfortable among cis guys. Or more comfortable around trans guys or women. Is that the case with you? Can you elaborate?
Did you expect to be more comfortable around cis folks after transitioning? Did that happen? Or not?
What makes you uncomfortable around them? They finding out? Possible transphobia? Not being comfortable with male social cues/behavior or...?
Have you had instances with some people that were good/bad?
Anything else?
Were you more comfortable around them previously as a 'woman' than now as a man? Do you feel a pressure to 'be something' around them you didn't have before?
Is some particular social setting especially troublesome for you? (such as all males night out or all-male group setting)
Hrm, interesting question. I haven't yet been part of a gathering where I was the only trans guy among cis guys, but I think I might be slightly uncomfortable, or at least self-conscious, if that were to happen. Mostly the paying attention to new social cues thing. I don't think I'd feel any more comfortable in a group of cis women, since I've never felt entirely at home among cis women. I seem to feel best in groups of other trans guys, or mixed groups.
NNope.I have no clue how to talk to tthem. The banter thing confuses me plus I'm quite fem. So in all I feel unsafe and somehow inadequate around them. Hookups are fine as it's a controlled situation but if I have to talk to a guy afterwards I'm an awkward wreck again.
Quote from: Elis on December 08, 2017, 02:18:45 AM
NNope.I have no clue how to talk to tthem. The banter thing confuses me plus I'm quite fem. So in all I feel unsafe and somehow inadequate around them. Hookups are fine as it's a controlled situation but if I have to talk to a guy afterwards I'm an awkward wreck again.
Maybe you should view them as just people? Like everyone else! And just be yourself. Remember not all cis guys are buff & masculine & 'intimidating' - and those who are have their insecurities also! Like with all social anxiety, it helps to think that the
other person might be as nervous as you! And looks isn't everything... Good-looking people can be nervous too! SO many people are afraid to make phone calls, for example, without anyone knowing! Same here. If you ever played with boys as a child, try to remind yourself that they are no different! Cis guys are just people too... And you are no less of a man/person than they are!
And when it comes to hookups... Well, if they hooked up with you, they like you as a person, right, ;)? So no need to feel scared!
It's weird coz... I'm not intimidated by any people! Not by men, women, non-binary people... And certainly no cis guy is somehow 'better' than me by just happening to have a dick! Cis guys come in a wide range too... So, I don't want that to change after medically transitioning! Even as a kid I thought I had more balls than some of the boys...
Maybe it helps to think every cis guy is just an individual? With their baggage, anxieties etc... If you felt comfortable around them pre-transition, the fact that you are now a man shouldn't change it! Come on, they are just people. No better than you, or anyone else.
Oh, and assertive language helps! (just check that labor/respect with cis guys thread!)
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,231400.0.html
[And this was directed at everyone.]
Let's bring cis guys down from the pedestal ;D ;D ;D!
Quote from: PurpleWolf on December 08, 2017, 03:57:20 AM
Maybe you should view them as just people? Like everyone else! And just be yourself. Remember not all cis guys are buff & masculine & 'intimidating' - and those who are have their insecurities also! Like with all social anxiety, it helps to think that the other person might be as nervous as you! And looks isn't everything... Good-looking people can be nervous too! SO many people are afraid to make phone calls, for example, without anyone knowing! Same here. If you ever played with boys as a child, try to remind yourself that they are no different! Cis guys are just people too... And you are no less of a man/person than they are!
And when it comes to hookups... Well, if they hooked up with you, they like you as a person, right, ;)? So no need to feel scared!
It's weird coz... I'm not intimidated by any people! Not by men, women, non-binary people... And certainly no cis guy is somehow 'better' than me by just happening to have a dick! Cis guys come in a wide range too... So, I don't want that to change after medically transitioning! Even as a kid I thought I had more balls than some of the boys...
Maybe it helps to think every cis guy is just an individual? With their baggage, anxieties etc... If you felt comfortable around them pre-transition, the fact that you are now a man shouldn't change it! Come on, they are just people. No better than you, or anyone else.
Oh, and assertive language helps! (just check that labor/respect with cis guys thread!)
[And this was directed at everyone.]
Thanks; what you mentioned about the hookup thing is when I need to keep remembering :). I think I'm just generally a very insecure/non confident person. Hooking up made me realise some guys are actually decent but I'm still not good with people
Quote from: Elis on December 08, 2017, 04:05:24 AM
I think I'm just generally a very insecure/non confident person.
Luckily confidence can be learned, ;)! Remember no one is born with it. Your growing environment shapes the way you interact with people. Like if you were bullied - you might feel others will always reject you, but bullying is more complicated than that. It has nothing to do with your character, really, or your looks... It has more to do with the bullies themselves & their insecurities & envies & maybe your lack of assertiveness... Just check that labor thread, okay, ;)!
Even luckier: Confidence not only can be learned - it can be FAKED, :D! So, if you're not feeling it, you can as well fake it! And the results are the same. Just check out that thread - and you'll be amazed! I gave there links also!
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,231400.0.html
And go kick some cis guys ass, >:-)! [And this is a humorous comment; not to be taken literally]
Oh, and forgot to mention that I just read somewhere that the single one reason for a man to start working out/bodybuilding - is being bullied or assaulted, so there!
Here: http://www.psychmechanics.com/2014/10/how-our-past-experiences-shape-our.html
Btw, if you ever feel the need to some good self-help articles, just come to me :D!
Remember also that chihuahuas always bully around pitbulls & rottweilers (& humans!) - so physical size is NOT an indication of your power, either ;)! It's all mental!
Also worth reading what I wrote in this thread:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,228920.20.html
Also I think this is a great article, ;):
https://www.wikihow.com/Be-Yourself
I am more comfortable around cis men. But nobody particularly intimidates me.
Quote from: PurpleWolf on December 08, 2017, 04:02:48 AM
Let's bring cis guys down from the pedestal ;D ;D ;D!
??
Quote from: PurpleWolf on December 08, 2017, 05:05:57 AM
Remember also that chihuahuas always bully around pitbulls & rottweilers (& humans!) - so physical size is NOT an indication of your power, either ;)! It's all mental!
Great advice, until the chihuahua picks a fight with a great dane.
QuoteAnd go kick some cis guys ass, >:-)!
I sure hope you're not advising people to go throw their weight around with cis men with fake confidence. That will be quite the learning curve for any shy or naive transman perceived as just another man. This isn't the kind of advice men will give other men unless they're looking to have their teeth rearranged. Men have boundaries you'd better be prepared to cross as another man that aren't the same for women; those boundaries are backed up with actual physical threat in the 'world' of men. Rile another guy up at your own peril.
Let's bring cis guys down from the pedestal ;D ;D ;D!
??
I meant that sometimes trans people have a really high regard towards cis guys in particular, more than other people, maybe. But cis guys are just regular people like anyone else. You shouldn't be intimidated by them.
Great advice, until the chihuahua picks a fight with a great dane. Then it will notice the amount of physical power one has does matter.
Nope. The point is, chihuahuas boss around larger breeds. It's all about mental power. The chihuahua does not need to pick a fight. Picking a fight is not a leader-type behavior, ;).
Quote from: Viktor on December 08, 2017, 09:50:21 AM
I sure hope you're not advising people to go throw their weight around with cis men with fake confidence. That will be quite the learning curve for any shy or naive transman perceived as just another man. This isn't the kind of advice men will give other men unless they're looking to have their teeth rearranged. Men have boundaries you'd better be prepared to cross as another man that aren't the same for women; those boundaries are backed up with actual physical threat in the 'world' of men. Rile another guy up at your own peril.
Being assertive has absolutely nothing to do with picking fights or being aggressive.
You think I'm shy & naive ;D?
Btw I don't hang around with cave men, so...!
Being assertive is just a general advice for anybody, with anyone.
Yes, probably because the chihuahua has no inkling of the limitations of its own size compared to a larger dog and is operating on general dog instinct evolved by wolves. That and the fact many toy breeds are neurotic due to inbred traits.
A chihuahua will not win every quarrel with any dog you put it with. It rather depends on the temperament of the dog it encounters more than the temperament of a chihuahua what its fate will be. It wouldn't last very long if put in with a much larger, equally aggressive animal.
And that applies to any human as well.
QuoteBeing assertive has absolutely nothing to do with picking fights or being aggressive.
Obviously.
QuoteYou think I'm shy & naive ;D?
No. You seem to be frenetically posting advice aimed at less assertive individuals. These are the people I would not advise to go out and attempt to "kick cis guy ass", as you put it. Someone might take your advice literally.
QuoteBtw I don't hang around with cave men, so...!
Who is talking about cave men.
QuoteBeing assertive is just a general advice for anybody, with anyone.
Yes. But here you have specifically mentioned several times physical aggression. Not a stretch for anyone to assume you're referring to it when you talk about aggression in dogs, physical size and power, kicking people's asses, and referring to bullying or assault, is it.
And go kick some cis guys ass, >:-)!
Btw, if you didn't get it, that was meant as a joke! Not to be taken literally...
Just clarifying, ;).
Omg I can't believe I'm talking you about this ;D!
My advice was meant to be mind-lifting for, say, shy individuals, as for encouragement.
Did you even check any of those links, then?
Quote from: Viktor on December 08, 2017, 10:17:09 AM
A chihuahua will not win every quarrel with any dog you put it with. It rather depends on the temperament of the dog it encounters more than the temperament of a chihuahua what its fate will be. It wouldn't last very long if put in with a much larger, equally aggressive animal.
I never said chihuahuas will win in dog fights. I said it's a fact that in a dog pack (in someone's home) it is known that the chihuahua, though small, is usually the boss. That is also general. I never said EACH chihuahua will be like that, ;)!
Please don't take everything so personally/literally, man! Just trying to have fun here, ;). And the dog comment was also a joke/humourous encouragement, if you missed that...
Quote from: Viktor on December 08, 2017, 10:17:09 AM
No. You seem to be frenetically posting advice aimed at less assertive individuals. These are the people I would not advise to go out and attempt to "kick cis guy ass", as you put it. Someone might take your advice literally.
I was just trying to be helpful/encouraging! Not frenetic. You can disregard my advice if you think it does not apply to you, by all means ;).
Quote from: Viktor on December 08, 2017, 10:17:09 AM
Yes. But here you have specifically mentioned several times physical aggression. Not a stretch for anyone to assume you're referring to it when you talk about aggression in dogs, physical size and power, kicking people's asses, and referring to bullying or assault, is it.
I have NOT even once mentioned physical aggression here, ;D! You were the one who brought it up. Again: being violent has NOTHING to do with being assertive or having assertive body language. Being assertive actually means being calm and confident in yourself and in your abilities. It also means you acknowledge your good and bad traits and accept them. And are accepting of others. Being aggressive is the polar opposite, my friend.
Maybe you should check out that material and tell me where's the violence & aggression, ;)?
By all means I meant no harm.
This was a curious thread - as I know many, especially trans men, may be a little uncomfortable around cis men. And I tried to help people out to be less anxious in social situations! Ok, ;)?
But this has certainly turned into a fun conversation, :D!
Quote from: Viktor on December 08, 2017, 10:17:09 AM
Someone might take your advice literally.
Like you, ;)?
Quote from: Viktor on December 08, 2017, 10:17:09 AM
Yes. But here you have specifically mentioned several times physical aggression. Not a stretch for anyone to assume you're referring to it when you talk about aggression in dogs, physical size and power, kicking people's asses, and referring to bullying or assault, is it.
Dear, Viktor. That 'bullying/assault' comment was about encouraging people to see that even the buffest, muscular men, those 'intimidating' large ones, can be vulnerable inside. And kind. And gone through stuff in their lives. So that... not everything is as it seems!
Take a breather, will you, ;)!
QuoteTake a breather, will you
Likewise.
Quote from: Viktor on December 08, 2017, 10:45:03 AM
Likewise.
Oh, I'm calm, ;). Been the whole time. I've read those articles, you know.
No need to get angry/upset, right?
I'm laughing so hard at all this ;D!!!
Btw, people, feel free to continue despite all that & post more answers to the original question!
I am comfortable around both guys as long as they are not the pervy ones. Those ones always just make me uncomfortable now. They seem to be more pervy as my transition progresses. Great question though.
Quote from: PurpleWolf on December 08, 2017, 11:31:38 AM
I'm laughing so hard at all this ;D!!!
Btw, people, feel free to continue despite all that & post more answers to the original question!
Well aren't you a feisty little chihuahua. By the way, you should probably condense multiple posts into one instead of filling the thread up with new ones every time you think of something to retort with.
I am uncomfortable around everyone, but nerds regardless of who they are tend to be easier for me, something in common with them.
Sent from my VS425PP using Tapatalk
Viktor, don't engage, it's useless.. I have the feeling that PurpleWolf is running some sort of survey by creating multiple threads with extremely personal questions - and posts multiple answers so as to keep the threads alive and to cover up the fact that some people are hesitant to answer.
This is a case where I felt uncomfortable being around a trans man in an online forum where I expect to feel safe.
Quote from: Just_M on December 08, 2017, 05:12:01 PM
Viktor, don't engage, it's useless.. I have the feeling that PurpleWolf is running some sort of survey by creating multiple threads with extremely personal questions - and posts multiple answers so as to keep the threads alive and to cover up the fact that some people are hesitant to answer.
This is a case where I felt uncomfortable being around a trans man in an online forum where I expect to feel safe.
Maybe you can ask that from me directly, dude, ;)!
No, I'm NOT making any kind of survey. If you don't feel comfortable answering my threads, don't. Or were you insulted by my links also? Well, I find them to be great articles that have helped me!
And this thread is about something I've been thinking a lot. As I'm so far pre-everything, I feel uncomfortable around people bcos I don't like to be seen as a woman by them. But I'm not generally intimidated by people and not by cis men. I've been fearing I might become self-conscious after I'm on T & had top surgery etc. Plus this is something I've heard from many people.
But please don't go around bashing me, alright? I have a right to post on this forum as much as I like! And you have an equal right of not answering those threads if you don't feel like it.
---
Btw I've answered myself in my 'extremely personal threads', so...!
I feel most comfortable around cis men. I have always been one of the boys and have always acted just like them. When I came out as trans to most of my friends they said they were not surprised as i act just like them. I walk like them, talk like them, flirt like them. I act male because I am male just not a cis male.
If I wasn't one of the guys already I probably wouldn't transition. ;D
Quote from: Sol on December 08, 2017, 06:48:00 PM
I feel most comfortable around cis men. I have always been one of the boys and have always acted just like them. When I came out as trans to most of my friends they said they were not surprised as i act just like them. I walk like them, talk like them, flirt like them. I act male because I am male just not a cis male.
If I wasn't one of the guys already I probably wouldn't transition. ;D
Same, ;D!
Yes, of course I feel comfortable around "cis" men. The only difference between me and "cis" men is that I've got betrayed over a decent body at birth and had to live with this loathsome bad excuse of a body instead, nothing else.
My friends were always "cis" males from childhood on and still are and my friends never saw me as a chick anyway and treated me as one of them even before I started my transition or even had any knowledge about what a transsexual was and that the option to transition existed. I have the same male mindset, way of thinking and behaviour a "cis" man has. And there are a lot "cis" men who share my interests, sense of humour etc. whereas females almost never do and when they do they focus on a completely different aspect of the subject.
As a man it is natural for me to think and behave like a male, if I weren't neurologically male I wouldn't be transsexual to begin with and being neurologically male usually comes with understanding other males better than females.
I always preferred to surround myself with men and was a part of male dominated fields and subcultures.
Hence I think the idea of transmen having had a female "socialisation" is complete rubbish. One can't socialise a man as a woman, one can try to force that upon them but it will fail completely regardless and it won't have any effect. I socialised myself in a masculine way!
I honestly didn't enjoy the company of "cis" women groups (was forced and sorted into them at school etc.) at all though even though their circus never intimidated me in anyway but I have always felt like an alien in their company, or at least someone who doesn't know their weird language. I usually don't understand their mindset and way of thinking, I don't understand their ways of socialising, they are way too emotional for me on average, I usually don't share any interests with them, there are often no talking points and I find their way of communication indirect and way too complicated. There just aren't any similarities whatsoever. I also dislike that touchy-feely stuff and I despise their gossiping and their disloyalty amongst their friends as well as the backstabbing, the scheming and the slandering going on in their rows. In short: I absolutely don't get "cis" women and have never understood them and they remain a complete mystery to me and most likely always will.
Quote from: Corax on December 08, 2017, 07:34:29 PM
Yes, of course I feel comfortable around "cis" men. The only difference between me and "cis" men is that I've got betrayed over a decent body at birth and had to live with this loathsome bad excuse of a body instead, nothing else.
My friends were always "cis" males from childhood on and still are and my friends never saw me as a chick anyway and treated me as one of them even before I started my transition or even had any knowledge about what a transsexual was and that the option to transition existed. I have the same male mindset, way of thinking and behaviour a "cis" man has. And there are a lot "cis" men who share my interests, sense of humour etc. whereas females almost never do and when they do they focus on a completely different aspect of the subject.
As a man it is natural for me to think and behave like a male, if I weren't neurologically male I wouldn't be transsexual to begin with and being neurologically male usually comes with understanding other males better than females.
I always preferred to surround myself with men and was a part of male dominated fields and subcultures.
Hence I think the idea of transmen having had a female "socialisation" is complete rubbish. One can't socialise a man as a woman, one can try to force that upon them but it will fail completely regardless and it won't have any effect. I socialised myself in a masculine way!
I honestly didn't enjoy the company of "cis" women groups (was forced and sorted into them at school etc.) at all though even though their circus never intimidated me in anyway but I have always felt like an alien in their company, or at least someone who doesn't know their weird language. I usually don't understand their mindset and way of thinking, I don't understand their ways of socialising, they are way too emotional for me on average, I usually don't share any interests with them, there are often no talking points and I find their way of communication indirect and way too complicated. There just aren't any similarities whatsoever. I also dislike that touchy-feely stuff and I despise their gossiping and their disloyalty amongst their friends as well as the backstabbing, the scheming and the slandering going on in their rows. In short: I absolutely don't get "cis" women and have never understood them and they remain a complete mystery to me and most likely always will.
Appreciate your honesty, ;D!
Finally a long answer! Great! Thanks for participating, ;)!
I'm the most comfortable around cis guys. I feel more relaxed and have some sense of belonging, especially if we have some shared interests and/or sense of humour. Then I feel quite comfortable around cis women, same thing about shared interests and/or humour. The only times I tend to feel uncomfortable around cis women is when they know I'm trans and consider me to still be one of them, although that happens rarely. I feel out of place when I'm the only guy around a lot of women.
But... I feel far less comfortable around other trans people, and the "why" is kinda tricky to explain cause it's a bit ironic, but... I often feel tense around other trans people irl cause I'm scared of saying something too blunt that would offend them or be seen as insensitive. When that does happen I feel bad and get even more tense around them. It just happens that the words and terms that come out of my mouth irl can be interpreted as triggering or even transphobic, but it's the language I'm used to and prefer for myself with no ill intent, and it just slips out at this point. Of course it doesn't apply to everyone though, and I'm not avoiding anyone no matter what gender cis or trans. But yeah, in general I feel the most comfortable around cis men and the least around other trans people cause of good and bad experiences in real life.
I expected to be more comfortable around other trans people when transitioning but instead noticed I got more comfortable around cis men instead, which was very unexpected for me. Before transitioning I used to be more comfortable around women cause most people I knew back then were women including my best friend. I think why it shifted could be that I started to understand men more and found it was easier for me to communicate with them than I had previously thought, as I didn't know that many before.
I've had a lot of both good and bad instances but mostly good ones. Especially a lot of calm party's when I've had very interesting, connecting, deep and important conversations.
Social cues/behaviour has always been a mystery for me, whether male or female such (I have asperger's which is probably why this confuses me) so at this point and during all of my transition so far I've struggled just as much with trying to match male social cues as I did with female ones before transitioning. During most of my transition it wasn't easier but also not worse, but I've gotten a bit better at it lately.
I think the only kind of social setting that I find troublesome for me to adapt to/blend in with is men only sport events, but I very rarely attend any such anyway and these days I'm confident enough to just say I don't get it and I'm not interested in getting it either and I'd rather not attend.
Quote from: SeptagonScars on December 08, 2017, 08:44:34 PM
I'm the most comfortable around cis guys. I feel more relaxed and have some sense of belonging, especially if we have some shared interests and/or sense of humour. Then I feel quite comfortable around cis women, same thing about shared interests and/or humour. The only times I tend to feel uncomfortable around cis women is when they know I'm trans and consider me to still be one of them, although that happens rarely. I feel out of place when I'm the only guy around a lot of women.
But... I feel far less comfortable around other trans people, and the "why" is kinda tricky to explain cause it's a bit ironic, but... I often feel tense around other trans people irl cause I'm scared of saying something too blunt that would offend them or be seen as insensitive. When that does happen I feel bad and get even more tense around them. It just happens that the words and terms that come out of my mouth irl can be interpreted as triggering or even transphobic, but it's the language I'm used to and prefer for myself with no ill intent, and it just slips out at this point. Of course it doesn't apply to everyone though, and I'm not avoiding anyone no matter what gender cis or trans. But yeah, in general I feel the most comfortable around cis men and the least around other trans people cause of good and bad experiences in real life.
I expected to be more comfortable around other trans people when transitioning but instead noticed I got more comfortable around cis men instead, which was very unexpected for me. Before transitioning I used to be more comfortable around women cause most people I knew back then were women including my best friend. I think why it shifted could be that I started to understand men more and found it was easier for me to communicate with them than I had previously thought, as I didn't know that many before.
I've had a lot of both good and bad instances but mostly good ones. Especially a lot of calm party's when I've had very interesting, connecting, deep and important conversations.
Social cues/behaviour has always been a mystery for me, whether male or female such (I have asperger's which is probably why this confuses me) so at this point and during all of my transition so far I've struggled just as much with trying to match male social cues as I did with female ones before transitioning. During most of my transition it wasn't easier but also not worse, but I've gotten a bit better at it lately.
I think the only kind of social setting that I find troublesome for me to adapt to/blend in with is men only sport events, but I very rarely attend any such anyway and these days I'm confident enough to just say I don't get it and I'm not interested in getting it either and I'd rather not attend.
Thank you so much :D! That was awesome!
After so many great answers I'll elaborate also:
Despite desperately trying, I didn't have many boy friends as a child. Basically I wasn't accepted... So I mainly played with girls. But I always felt a sense of gender euphoria when I was with the boys.
I socially transitioned at 13. So been living as male since. Tried to start medically transitioning at 16, but wasn't able to.
That eventually lead me to doom myself to almost complete social isolation, coz I have crippling social dysphoria. Basically I can't STAND to be seen as female - but currently don't pass very well - so don't feel like seeing ANYBODY. I just can't stand it. So don't go out much. Haven't been able to even change my name... And I will absolutely not deal with any of that.
I feel comfortable around cis guys - only I don't wanna hang out with anybody, looking like this :/. I also feel comfortable around people in general - only don't see any. I especially identify with cis guys - and in my head, I'm 'cis'. But since it's such a huge contrast to my current form (and the way people see it), this limbo has made me almost lose my mind to the point of doubting if I'm trans. I don't even know how to introduce myself to others. And in order to stay alive I've been having to suck it up somehow & ignore. So, that's what I've basically been doing - ignoring my life.
So, I think I WOULD get along with cis guys just fine!!! But even the idea of 'hanging around with guy friends' seems awkward & distant as I've been just concentrating on surviving for so long... In my head I'm a cis guy. I think I act like one, talk like one, walk like one, have a sense of humor like one, gesture like one, think like one etc... When I'm by myself, it's alright. When something reminds me that actually I have a female body, I feel utterly confused. I'm so convinced I'm a guy that my main concern with T was getting bald, as if I already was on T and that would be something 'extra' to consider. But ofc I don't look like a guy at all (well, realistically) - which means I will not deal with people seeing me as woman. In no way on earth I'm going to interact as a f*male in society! I will not utter my legal name aloud, coz CAN'T.
But still... after so many years I doubt if I'm trans :o! Or "trans enough"!!!
Interestingly it gnaws on me that I don't have 'proof' that I'm 'one of the guys' - yet I don't feel like interacting with ANYONE coz I don't look like one :/.
This is the main reason I'm on this forum.
Please don't give me that sh*t anymore that I'm just doing a survey here, please, guys!
I have like the biggest social dysphoria on earth that cripples my life! And no social support whatsoever.
But given the circumstances I've learned coping mechanisms to deal with it & somewhat function. Except that I can't interact (& be friends with) people looking like this :/.
I haven't even wanted to contact people online coz I can't deal with the way I look in their eyes.
- But other than that, I get along with cis people just fine! -
Am I crazy? Or just trans?
And yes I can deal with cis men coz I think I have bigger balls than many of them! In no way I'm allowing myself to feel inferior compared to them! Just bcos of this stupid condition. So, yes, I kick some (cis guy) ass! [=which is a metaphor] And most cis guys aren't dangerous or aggressive to begin with - most cis guys are like your dad, or nerds, or balding doctors etc. Why would I NOT feel comfortable around them?! I would feel comfortable around men if I was a woman, too.
What a rant... Oh, well.
Feel free to comment... But no negativity, please.
Even writing this stuff feels surreal...
Quote from: Just_M on December 08, 2017, 05:12:01 PM
Viktor, don't engage, it's useless.. I have the feeling that PurpleWolf is running some sort of survey by creating multiple threads with extremely personal questions - and posts multiple answers so as to keep the threads alive and to cover up the fact that some people are hesitant to answer.
This is a case where I felt uncomfortable being around a trans man in an online forum where I expect to feel safe.
I think he's just curious about a lot of things. I doubt he's conducting a survey but if he is who cares. We do polls here all the time. Polls are surveys. A lot of personal questions are asked on this forum. I feel that I am among friends here so I don't mind answering them. If you feel something is too personal don't answer it. Someone's question can seem like it has an obvious answer or even seem stupid. But the thing is sometimes people really don't know. To those of us that have been here a while it can be easy to forget being trans is new for some people and they have honest questions and have come here to find answers.
It comes down to simply, if you find a question too personal don't answer it. If you find someone's post offensive don't reply to it.
Quote from: Julia1996 on December 09, 2017, 10:00:38 AM
I think he's just curious about a lot of things.
Thanks, Julia ;)! True. I already answered him if you scroll up a bit...
Quote from: Julia1996 on December 09, 2017, 10:00:38 AM
I doubt he's conducting a survey but if he is who cares.
I'm not. But thanks for making my day by calling me 'he', :D! It feels ECSTATIC!!! Makes my heart wanna cry from joy, :laugh:!
Actually comments like his make ME feel a bit uncomfortable, like I'm not wanted here... But nothing I can't handle ;D! Just wished he'd have come straight to me instead of talking of me in third person in my own thread... But everyone is entitled to their opinions, ;D! You are absolutely right, Julia - if you don't feel like answering something, then don't! As simple as that.
:police:
In reading this thread I was dismayed to read the posting of personal criticisms between several members. This prompted me to remind everyone. of TOS 10. If there is some concern you have with another or their posts you are welcome to bring them to our attention by reporting it to the staff by using the "report to moderator" button in the lower right corner of every post. To refresh your memories:
Quote10. Bashing or flaming of an individual or group is not acceptable behavior on this website and will not be tolerated in the slightest for any reason. This includes but is not limited to:
Advocating the separation or exclusion of one or more group from under the Transgender umbrella term. The same restriction applies to advocating the removal of the T from GLBT.
Suggesting or claiming that one segment or sub-segment of our community is more or less legitimate, deserving, or real than any others.
Suggesting that Trans people are not really men (FTM) or women (MTF).
Posting any messages that engages in personal attacks and/or is actively or passively aggressive no matter the provocation.
Most of my friends are cis guys that are like half a foot taller than me, so yeah. I'm not out to anyone though... I dunno, I get on better with males than females. Nerds, usually. I play D&D and I like science and computers haha
Ah yes, I am much MORE comfortable around cis guys now that I have transitioned. It feels good because there's no awkward different sex sexual tension. I feel like if I was around guys before I would be viewed as weak, cutesy, feminine and I wouldnt be treated like one of the guys. Im still feminine but not in the flamer sense.
Some cis guys do make me uncomfortable, mainly the ones that portray typical macho masculinity or dont hold any of my interests. Plus, macho toxic masculine males are more likely to be transphobic, so I prefer to keep myself at bay from them. If I make friends with guys its typically dudes who are going to be more welcoming to LGBT folks.
I tend to get along well with millenials, artists, gamer dudes, nerds, and other trans guys. That's not to say I discriminate on the basis of gender, though. Some girls are chill to hang out with. I just hang out with the person.
Quote from: WolfNightV4X1 on December 09, 2017, 01:20:16 PM
Some cis guys do make me uncomfortable, mainly the ones that portray typical macho masculinity or dont hold any of my interests. Plus, macho toxic masculine males are more likely to be transphobic, so I prefer to keep myself at bay from them. If I make friends with guys its typically dudes who are going to be more welcoming to LGBT folks.
Agree!
For me I was always able to talk with females, They always talked about female things periods, guys, sex, in front of me both before and after. The only time i was awkward was when I first met them and I thought they where very attractive than that was hard but I got through it.
Now with guys I always felt awkward no matter what before and after more before though, when why talked about guy stuff before I was very uncomfortable, then we talked about girls and sex and stuff it was hard for me as I felt shy awkward and felt like I should not be talking about that stuff with them. It was hard because it felt like I had to prove myself to them.
maybe i'm not qualified to answer but since i don't "pass", i'm uncomfortable around pretty much everyone because i'm constantly read and treated as female. even if i were to "come out" to them, i don't believe for one second that they would honestly view me as male just because i said so. i know what i look and sound like and i can't change it overnight, so nothing doing. i'll just have to be uncomfortable for a while, i guess, and see how it goes in the distant future.
Quote from: meatwagon on December 09, 2017, 06:16:28 PM
maybe i'm not qualified to answer but since i don't "pass", i'm uncomfortable around pretty much everyone because i'm constantly read and treated as female. even if i were to "come out" to them, i don't believe for one second that they would honestly view me as male just because i said so. i know what i look and sound like and i can't change it overnight, so nothing doing. i'll just have to be uncomfortable for a while, i guess, and see how it goes in the distant future.
Sure you are qualified to! Can relate so much.....!!!
Quote from: Corax on December 08, 2017, 07:34:29 PM
Yes, of course I feel comfortable around "cis" men. The only difference between me and "cis" men is that I've got betrayed over a decent body at birth and had to live with this loathsome bad excuse of a body instead, nothing else.
My friends were always "cis" males from childhood on and still are and my friends never saw me as a chick anyway and treated me as one of them even before I started my transition or even had any knowledge about what a transsexual was and that the option to transition existed. I have the same male mindset, way of thinking and behaviour a "cis" man has. And there are a lot "cis" men who share my interests, sense of humour etc. whereas females almost never do and when they do they focus on a completely different aspect of the subject.
As a man it is natural for me to think and behave like a male, if I weren't neurologically male I wouldn't be transsexual to begin with and being neurologically male usually comes with understanding other males better than females.
I always preferred to surround myself with men and was a part of male dominated fields and subcultures.
Hence I think the idea of transmen having had a female "socialisation" is complete rubbish. One can't socialise a man as a woman, one can try to force that upon them but it will fail completely regardless and it won't have any effect. I socialised myself in a masculine way!
I honestly didn't enjoy the company of "cis" women groups (was forced and sorted into them at school etc.) at all though even though their circus never intimidated me in anyway but I have always felt like an alien in their company, or at least someone who doesn't know their weird language. I usually don't understand their mindset and way of thinking, I don't understand their ways of socialising, they are way too emotional for me on average, I usually don't share any interests with them, there are often no talking points and I find their way of communication indirect and way too complicated. There just aren't any similarities whatsoever. I also dislike that touchy-feely stuff and I despise their gossiping and their disloyalty amongst their friends as well as the backstabbing, the scheming and the slandering going on in their rows. In short: I absolutely don't get "cis" women and have never understood them and they remain a complete mystery to me and most likely always will.
Me too.
For me, the hardest most dysphoria-inducing phase of my life has been stay home parenting because it is a very cis female dominated world and when I'm in it people assume I'm a cis woman...
Prior to having kids, everyone in my life treated me like the guy I am. If that had continued, I might never have felt the need to medically transition... when I had kids even people who had previously treated me like a guy started treating me like a woman... it just about destroyed me.
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Quote from: arice on December 09, 2017, 06:38:36 PM
Prior to having kids, everyone in my life treated me like the guy I am. If that had continued, I might never have felt the need to medically transition... when I had kids even people who had previously treated me like a guy started treating me like a woman... it just about destroyed me.
Oh, shoot :o!!! Sounds bad.
Quote from: PurpleWolf on December 09, 2017, 06:43:59 PM
Oh, shoot :o!!! Sounds bad.
Parenting outside the established social binaries is always a challenge... over time I have managed to encounter a variety of people who are doing it from a variety of angles so that helps.
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Quote from: arice on December 09, 2017, 06:38:36 PM
Prior to having kids, everyone in my life treated me like the guy I am. If that had continued, I might never have felt the need to medically transition... when I had kids even people who had previously treated me like a guy started treating me like a woman... it just about destroyed me.
That is completely different from my experiences though. Regardless of how my friends treated me I always had severe dysphoria due to that anatomy, I just didn't know what the reason was nor did I know that there was an option to change this and that one could actually transition. I didn't even know what a transsexual was or that transpeople existed. I grew up in a rather intolerant small-town where the vast majority of people weren't aware that this was even a thing and where they treated everyone who was different somehow badly.
If I had known what really was wrong with me I would have immediately started to work towards medically transitioning and by doing so would have spared me many years of misery and suffering from this. Unfortunately I didn't know though and have wasted way too many years of my life living with that bad excuse of a body.
Quote from: Corax on December 10, 2017, 06:00:26 PM
That is completely different from my experiences though. Regardless of how my friends treated me I always had severe dysphoria due to that anatomy, I just didn't know what the reason was nor did I know that there was an option to change this and that one could actually transition. I didn't even know what a transsexual was or that transpeople existed. I grew up in a rather intolerant small-town where the vast majority of people weren't aware that this was even a thing and where they treated everyone who was different somehow badly.
If I had known what really was wrong with me I would have immediately started to work towards medically transitioning and by doing so would have spared me many years of misery and suffering from this. Unfortunately I didn't know though and have wasted way too many years of my life living with that bad excuse of a body.
Yes. My expression of similarity was for our relationships with cis men and women.
While I have some body dysphoria (primarily centered around my chest), my worst dysphoria is social. I have a tendency to dissociate from my body and as long as I was treated like a guy I tended to forget that my body wasn't like other men's. Seriously (Most people have trouble believing that).
I knew as a kid that I "didn't feel like a girl" but I also grew up in a small town and did not have the words to describe it effectively. I do wish that I had transitioned earlier but I recognize that I wouldn't be who I am had I done so.
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I´m fine around cismen.
Before I was passing I often felt threatened by them. I would get "stared down" by some, to see if they could figure me out, I suppose.
Now I only feel out of my element when I´m already feeling insecure/not confident.
Cismen feel this way among other men too, from time to time. They just don´t voice it.
I'm generally not too uncomfortable around cis people, but cis guys can rub me the wrong way especially when I don't completely pass. Usually because, once I correct them, I tend to get laughed at and then hit on again anyways.
Quote from: PidgeTPN on December 11, 2017, 11:34:47 AM
I'm generally not too uncomfortable around cis people, but cis guys can rub me the wrong way especially when I don't completely pass. Usually because, once I correct them, I tend to get laughed at and then hit on again anyways.
I have a CIS boyfriend and my most loved, loved ones are both CIS guys so you would assume I am comfortable around CIS guys. But no, I'm not. Guys are always friendly to me now but it wasn't at all like that before transition. The horrible way guys at school treated me has had a lasting effect on me. If I find myself near a group of guys I get pretty bad anxiety. If that group is made up of younger guys it's even worse. I will take any detour rather than approach or walk through a group of guys. I have really tried to get over that but I can't. It's a totally involuntary reaction, I can't help becoming extremely anxious. I'm sure a lot of trans people are the same as well as anyone who was bullied and abused by guys when they were young.
I was harassed for years by guys when I was young, and their ringleader was a girl. She wanted the entire block and all of her male relatives and cousins to beat the crap out of me whenever I ventured out of the driveway.
If I ever meet her in the street (highly likely, but still not impossible) I'm going to have one of those Kill Bill red flashing freeze frames and hopefully I won't reflexively separate her head from her body.
That said I don't get nervous around either sex as a rule. It's what those people are doing that I will pay attention to. If they're in a pack and showing body language suggesting they're out for trouble and looking for targets, then sure.
Yes, very. I was never uncomfortable around them before so much as annoyed--the ever-present and entirely unreciprocated sexual tension got old quick--but that has faded. I've always been a competitive person so the one-upmanship males frequently engage in doesn't bother me in the slightest.
No experiences in my life have given me any reason to be wary of cisgender men but I'm quite anxious in large groups of women. As much as I didn't know what to do with myself before around them, I especially have no clue now.
A couple months back one of my fiancée's friends wanted us to come with her to this Halloween party. She said a couple people were meeting her at her condo other than us but didn't really specify. It ended up being about six women because three of their boyfriends dipped out--so eight women in total--and I was the only guy.
I was sweating .950 caliber bullets.
Quote from: Viktor on December 11, 2017, 01:49:19 PM
I was harassed for years by guys when I was young, and their ringleader was a girl. She wanted the entire block and all of her male relatives and cousins to beat the crap out of me whenever I ventured out of the driveway.
That sounds bloody awful!!! I'm so sorry for you. Yeah... and they say childhood is the happiest time of one's life... I highly disagree. Never faced so many bad situations as an adult as I did as a kid!
Quote from: Viktor on December 11, 2017, 01:49:19 PM
If I ever meet her in the street (highly likely, but still not impossible) I'm going to have one of those Kill Bill red flashing freeze frames and hopefully I won't reflexively separate her head from her body.
Know what you're talking about........
Quote from: Viktor on December 11, 2017, 01:49:19 PM
That said I don't get nervous around either sex as a rule. It's what those people are doing that I will pay attention to. If they're in a pack and showing body language suggesting they're out for trouble and looking for targets, then sure.
Right! I'm not a violent person at all... I 100% avoid trouble.
Quote from: Julia1996 on December 11, 2017, 01:24:25 PM
I have a CIS boyfriend and my most loved, loved ones are both CIS guys so you would assume I am comfortable around CIS guys. But no, I'm not. Guys are always friendly to me now but it wasn't at all like that before transition. The horrible way guys at school treated me has had a lasting effect on me. If I find myself near a group of guys I get pretty bad anxiety. If that group is made up of younger guys it's even worse. I will take any detour rather than approach or walk through a group of guys. I have really tried to get over that but I can't. It's a totally involuntary reaction, I can't help becoming extremely anxious. I'm sure a lot of trans people are the same as well as anyone who was bullied and abused by guys when they were young.
A lot of cis women are that way around men. Many of them have been completely confused by the fact that I never have been (I find groups of women far more terrifying).
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I really don't care. I just ignore them like I ignore most of other people. Cis guys never caused me any negative feeling, I see them like human beings.
For me, yes and no.
Yes as in, cis guys who don't think to much into it and just sees you as one of the guys.
No as in, cis guys who want to accept you, but still sees you as a girl who wants to be a guy and they're always slipping up or make you feel weird or act weird when you get involved into the conversation with other guys.
I deal with both all of the time.
For me it leans more to me being uncomfortable around cis guys because though I do pass most of the time,
It's usually another cis guy who <edited by moderator> that up.
For example at my job being that it's soley technology based, it's mostly bro white boy types that work there.
Whenever a customer ask to speak to me and say him or Dylan, one guy will go
"Oh yeah she's over there!". I don't think he means it, and he is trying but my job sucks really bad at pronouns with the exception of like 3 guys.
Even my supervisor who is female sucks but she treats me like a guy still so it's not as bad.
One guy will go between he and she and confuse the hell out of the customer.
I've been included in their conversations and when I add input they exclude me right back out.
So in a way I am very uncomfortable around cis guys to an extent.
i'm pretty uncomfortable around cis guys unless theyre friends. i mostly worry about them finding out and possible transphobia, also worrying that i act different... i know no one really cares how i act and i can get along ok with cis guys but i'm just afraid of being found out or misgendered.
i'm definitely most comfortable among other trans people because i know it won't be a problem. also i'm definitely more comfortable now than before presenting male, even if there are new things to worry about
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I think I was uncomfortable when I first transitioned but not anymore. One thing I know is that not all cis men are stereotypical alpha males waiting for an opportunity to physically or verbally assault anyone they deem weak or inferior. They are all individuals like anyone else. So it's not about cis men for me, it's about personality, values, interests, worldview, etc. As with anyone else if I have stuff in common I'm cool. If not it's not so much that I am uncomfortable I'm just not interested in being around them.
There are plenty of thoughtful and open minded cis guys out there. The conversations I've had with them about being trans and masculinity are some of the best I've had because they open up about their own struggles living up to an impossible standard.
I am heterosexual so with straight cis guys the commonality of liking the ladies can be a good equalizer also. Not sure how that is on the other side of the aisle.
When you are comfortable with yourself it shows and all people react to that positively. If you are unsure and insecure, well yea, it's gonna be tough interacting because it is being picked up on and in turn people may act different around you which is what you wanted to avoid in the first place. So it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. That's not to say I'm totally confident all of the time myself. I'm particularly insecure about the size of my hands and when shaking a cis guy's hand I am aware of the size difference though they don't notice at all.
Quote from: SeptagonScars on November 26, 2448, 06:31:14 AM
I feel far less comfortable around other trans people, and the "why" is kinda tricky to explain cause it's a bit ironic, but... I often feel tense around other trans people irl cause I'm scared of saying something too blunt that would offend them or be seen as insensitive. When that does happen I feel bad and get even more tense around them. It just happens that the words and terms that come out of my mouth irl can be interpreted as triggering or even transphobic, but it's the language I'm used to and prefer for myself with no ill intent, and it just slips out at this point. Of course it doesn't apply to everyone though, and I'm not avoiding anyone no matter what gender cis or trans. But yeah, in general I feel the most comfortable around cis men and the least around other trans people cause of good and bad experiences in real life.
THIS. RIGHT. HERE.
I feel very uncomfortable around other trans people for the same reason. This is blunt but we as a community are so uber sensitive about everything and I get tired of it. Everything is offensive, everything is triggering. I can't even use accurate terms to refer MY OWN BODY pre-transition without being scorned. I've no idea how people make it in this world!
Socially interacting with trans men is like pulling teeth to me compared to cis men because so much awkwardness and insecurity on their part. Before anyone blasts me I am not saying trans men don't have a valid reason for being so but it's still taxing.
Quote from: CMD042414 on December 20, 2017, 08:21:45 AM
Quote from: SeptagonScars on November 26, 2448, 06:31:14 am
I feel far less comfortable around other trans people, and the "why" is kinda tricky to explain cause it's a bit ironic, but... I often feel tense around other trans people irl cause I'm scared of saying something too blunt that would offend them or be seen as insensitive. When that does happen I feel bad and get even more tense around them. It just happens that the words and terms that come out of my mouth irl can be interpreted as triggering or even transphobic, but it's the language I'm used to and prefer for myself with no ill intent, and it just slips out at this point. Of course it doesn't apply to everyone though, and I'm not avoiding anyone no matter what gender cis or trans. But yeah, in general I feel the most comfortable around cis men and the least around other trans people cause of good and bad experiences in real life.
-----
THIS. RIGHT. HERE.
I feel very uncomfortable around other trans people for the same reason. This is blunt but we as a community are so uber sensitive about everything and I get tired of it. Everything is offensive, everything is triggering. I can't even use accurate terms to refer MY OWN BODY pre-transition without being scorned. I've no idea how people make it in this world!
Socially interacting with trans men is like pulling teeth to me compared to cis men because so much awkwardness and insecurity on their part. Before anyone blasts me I am not saying trans men don't have a valid reason for being so but it's still taxing.
Haha, wanted to comment on that one myself ;D!
Well, I can't say I have first hand experience since haven't ever met another trans person in my life! But what I've seen on TV, some (especially trans guys) act weird & awkward, yes... ::) In a socially awkward way..... ::)
And I tend to have a more 'cis guy' way of thinking, if you know what I mean.... So sometimes what I think or say it comes to my mind some trans people might totally be offended by this... ::)
Of course every person is different. And this does not apply to all. And I don't avoid anyone either.
But it's funny you two should say that coz that's something I've paid attention to myself! Like - 'I would be totally weirded out/feel uncomfortable to be around this guy' for example ;D! No offense! On anyone.
Quote from: CMD042414 on December 20, 2017, 08:09:41 AM
I think I was uncomfortable when I first transitioned but not anymore. One thing I know is that not all cis men are stereotypical alpha males waiting for an opportunity to physically or verbally assault anyone they deem weak or inferior. They are all individuals like anyone else. So it's not about cis men for me, it's about personality, values, interests, worldview, etc. As with anyone else if I have stuff in common I'm cool. If not it's not so much that I am uncomfortable I'm just not interested in being around them.
There are plenty of thoughtful and open minded cis guys out there. The conversations I've had with them about being trans and masculinity are some of the best I've had because they open up about their own struggles living up to an impossible standard.
I am heterosexual so with straight cis guys the commonality of liking the ladies can be a good equalizer also. Not sure how that is on the other side of the aisle.
When you are comfortable with yourself it shows and all people react to that positively. If you are unsure and insecure, well yea, it's gonna be tough interacting because it is being picked up on and in turn people may act different around you which is what you wanted to avoid in the first place. So it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. That's not to say I'm totally confident all of the time myself. I'm particularly insecure about the size of my hands and when shaking a cis guy's hand I am aware of the size difference though they don't notice at all.
I think that's what it is for me. I'm still in the beginning stages of T and most of my guy associates knew me as a "girl"
I always think when I start to really pass I will get comfortable with them.
The hand thing!
My God bro, I hyperventilate if I have to shake hands!
But so far nobody's said anything ;D
I'm uncomfortable being alone with cis guys because they expect me to be misogynistic along with them. Yeah, I know, not all cis guys, but in my local area and socioeconomic level that's the norm. And while I'm not a woman, I've spent enough time pretending to be one that it's almost impossible for me to talk about them that way, you know?
I don't do well alone with groups of women either, though. That's a whole other set of social expectations I don't click with.
Everyone really does behave so much more pleasantly in mixed company.
Im shy around new cis guys im fine after awhile when ive got my male groove on, much better around cis gals, execpt if theres a reason for me to be jelous of them. Then i find it hard to speak to them, so boned either way..
I try to let more of me out to new people i meet
I am - I think I warm up to cis guys faster than cis gals, though there's always that nagging feeling that something offensive will come out of their mouth. But I'm a little guarded with everyone I don't really know anyways. Cis men make better roommates, in my experience at least lol.
Cis men and women don't really know what to do with me. To women, I'm tall, a little imposing, and very visibly don't give a damn about anything they are used to other AFABs caring about. No makeup, no pretty clothes, short-nailed working hands, a low voice, and I take up space. In all honestly I usually trip womens' threat alarms until they speak to me.
With men, I'm usually not a threat. They tend to be a little perplexed why I "get" them, why I move and sound like them more than anything else, and I can usually squeeze into the circle where the dudes are hanging out at the party and fit right in. Cis men have a hard time when I try to do "man" things though, like carry heavy stuff, or do things that require getting dirty/smelly/sweaty. Getting resistance in those situations is frustrating at best, dysphoric at worst. But, that's what being pre-everything and only out to a few people will do to you.
Cis women can be just as cruel about others as any cis man, though, so when it comes to talking crap about someone or some gender, I'm equal-opportunity uncomfortable with everyone~
I'm in a kinda weird situation right know, like... I pass most of the times at the university, but I do think that most, if not all, of my classmates this semester did know that I'm transgender. I tried to be stealth though I'm pre-T, but anyway, most of my classmates just went with it even if my voice and my name aren't that masculine. Guess I was lucky.
I was always uncomfortable around anyone. When I was little, I never had a lot of friends. I had my "bestfriend" at school, she was a girl. But I used to hang out with two neighbors and play videogames with them or play-pretend to be animals, etc. xD They were both boys. When I moved to another town, I usually was with a group of girls, though I never felt... "in". I felt out of place most of the times and I usually just sat down and kept my mouth shut. I didn't understand their need to put on make up or buy dresses or anything. I even used to just stay away from anyone without saying anything.
Then, in highschool, I had one female friend again. An almost school-only friend, really. She used to talk and talk and I only listened to her. Though yeah, she wasn't that femine anyway so it was easier for me to stand. Though, I used to be more talkative with guys because I had something to talk about, usually computers and videogames. But I was never very social either way. Funny thing, but mostly uncomfortable, I had a lot of suitors in those three years. I totally I hated it. I'm gay, but I always hated to be treated as a girl and be courted as one.
I moved again when I finished highschool, and I presented as male since the begining at the university. As I mentioned above, I do think most of my classmates did know about me being transgender, but they were nice anyway. I used to hang out with a group of guys and they treated me like any other guy. I was uncomfortable sometimes because I'm not used to their... usual jokes, I guess, but I was never good with any type of jokes anyway. But it also depends on the person, so I may as well try to find some, more quieter and more alike, dudes.
Anyway. xD I always felt uncomfortable around everyone. But yeah, depending on the person, I usually feel more relaxed around guys, as I understand them way easier than females. I do think that one of the most uncomfortable situations is the "play soccer hang outs". I've been invited several times though I always refuse to go, since I'm really bad at playing soccer and it would make me feel really tense. But it also happens whenever I have to do something I don't know how to in public. But, well, I actually refuse to go to any social situation like parties, I never liked them.
I'll see if anything changes later on, when I start the medical transition and I'm actually out to, at least, my family.