Are you comfortable around cis guys?

[PurpleWolf]

I'm laughing so hard at all this  !!!

Btw, people, feel free to continue despite all that & post more answers to the original question!

[Jailyn]

I am comfortable around both guys as long as they are not the pervy ones. Those ones always just make me uncomfortable now. They seem to be more pervy as my transition progresses. Great question though.

[Kylo]

I'm laughing so hard at all this  !!!

Btw, people, feel free to continue despite all that & post more answers to the original question!

Well aren't you a feisty little chihuahua. By the way, you should probably condense multiple posts into one instead of filling the thread up with new ones every time you think of something to retort with.

[Zquence]

I am uncomfortable around everyone, but nerds regardless of who they are tend to be easier for me, something in common with them.

Sent from my VS425PP using Tapatalk

[Just_M]

Viktor, don't engage, it's useless.. I have the feeling that PurpleWolf is running some sort of survey by creating multiple threads with extremely personal questions - and posts multiple answers so as to keep the threads alive and to cover up the fact that some people are hesitant to answer.
This is a case where I felt uncomfortable being around a trans man in an online forum where I expect to feel safe.

[PurpleWolf]

Viktor, don't engage, it's useless.. I have the feeling that PurpleWolf is running some sort of survey by creating multiple threads with extremely personal questions - and posts multiple answers so as to keep the threads alive and to cover up the fact that some people are hesitant to answer.
This is a case where I felt uncomfortable being around a trans man in an online forum where I expect to feel safe.

Maybe you can ask that from me directly, dude,  !

No, I'm NOT making any kind of survey. If you don't feel comfortable answering my threads, don't. Or were you insulted by my links also? Well, I find them to be great articles that have helped me!

And this thread is about something I've been thinking a lot. As I'm so far pre-everything, I feel uncomfortable around people bcos I don't like to be seen as a woman by them. But I'm not generally intimidated by people and not by cis men. I've been fearing I might become self-conscious after I'm on T & had top surgery etc. Plus this is something I've heard from many people.

But please don't go around bashing me, alright? I have a right to post on this forum as much as I like! And you have an equal right of not answering those threads if you don't feel like it.

---
Btw I've answered myself in my 'extremely personal threads', so...!

[Sol]

I feel most comfortable around cis men. I have always been one of the boys and have always acted just like them. When I came out as trans to most of my friends they said they were not surprised as i act just like them. I walk like them, talk like them, flirt like them. I act male because I am male just not a cis male.

If I wasn't one of the guys already I probably wouldn't transition. 

[PurpleWolf]

I feel most comfortable around cis men. I have always been one of the boys and have always acted just like them. When I came out as trans to most of my friends they said they were not surprised as i act just like them. I walk like them, talk like them, flirt like them. I act male because I am male just not a cis male.

If I wasn't one of the guys already I probably wouldn't transition. 

Same,  !

[Corax]

Yes, of course I feel comfortable around "cis" men. The only difference between me and "cis" men is that I've got betrayed over a decent body at birth and had to live with this loathsome bad excuse of a body instead, nothing else.

My friends were always "cis" males from childhood on and still are and my friends never saw me as a chick anyway and treated me as one of them even before I started my transition or even had any knowledge about what a transsexual was and that the option to transition existed. I have the same male mindset, way of thinking and behaviour a "cis" man has. And there are a lot "cis" men who share my interests, sense of humour etc. whereas females almost never do and when they do they focus on a completely different aspect of the subject.
As a man it is natural for me to think and behave like a male, if I weren't neurologically male I wouldn't be transsexual to begin with and being neurologically male usually comes with understanding other males better than females. 
I always preferred to surround myself with men and was a part of male dominated fields and subcultures.

Hence I think the idea of transmen having had a female "socialisation" is complete rubbish. One can't socialise a man as a woman, one can try to force that upon them but it will fail completely regardless and it won't have any effect. I socialised myself in a masculine way!

I honestly didn't enjoy the company of "cis" women groups (was forced and sorted into them at school etc.) at all though even though their circus never intimidated me in anyway but I have always felt like an alien in their company, or at least someone who doesn't know their weird language. I usually don't understand their mindset and way of thinking, I don't understand their ways of socialising, they are way too emotional for me on average, I usually don't share any interests with them, there are often no talking points and I find their way of communication indirect and way too complicated. There just aren't any similarities whatsoever. I also dislike that touchy-feely stuff and I despise their gossiping and their disloyalty amongst their friends as well as the backstabbing, the scheming and the slandering going on in their rows.  In short: I absolutely don't get "cis" women and have never understood them and they remain a complete mystery to me and most likely always will.

[PurpleWolf]

Yes, of course I feel comfortable around "cis" men. The only difference between me and "cis" men is that I've got betrayed over a decent body at birth and had to live with this loathsome bad excuse of a body instead, nothing else.

My friends were always "cis" males from childhood on and still are and my friends never saw me as a chick anyway and treated me as one of them even before I started my transition or even had any knowledge about what a transsexual was and that the option to transition existed. I have the same male mindset, way of thinking and behaviour a "cis" man has. And there are a lot "cis" men who share my interests, sense of humour etc. whereas females almost never do and when they do they focus on a completely different aspect of the subject.
As a man it is natural for me to think and behave like a male, if I weren't neurologically male I wouldn't be transsexual to begin with and being neurologically male usually comes with understanding other males better than females. 
I always preferred to surround myself with men and was a part of male dominated fields and subcultures.

Hence I think the idea of transmen having had a female "socialisation" is complete rubbish. One can't socialise a man as a woman, one can try to force that upon them but it will fail completely regardless and it won't have any effect. I socialised myself in a masculine way!

I honestly didn't enjoy the company of "cis" women groups (was forced and sorted into them at school etc.) at all though even though their circus never intimidated me in anyway but I have always felt like an alien in their company, or at least someone who doesn't know their weird language. I usually don't understand their mindset and way of thinking, I don't understand their ways of socialising, they are way too emotional for me on average, I usually don't share any interests with them, there are often no talking points and I find their way of communication indirect and way too complicated. There just aren't any similarities whatsoever. I also dislike that touchy-feely stuff and I despise their gossiping and their disloyalty amongst their friends as well as the backstabbing, the scheming and the slandering going on in their rows.  In short: I absolutely don't get "cis" women and have never understood them and they remain a complete mystery to me and most likely always will.

Appreciate your honesty,  !
Finally a long answer! Great! Thanks for participating,  !

[SeptagonScars]

I'm the most comfortable around cis guys. I feel more relaxed and have some sense of belonging, especially if we have some shared interests and/or sense of humour. Then I feel quite comfortable around cis women, same thing about shared interests and/or humour. The only times I tend to feel uncomfortable around cis women is when they know I'm trans and consider me to still be one of them, although that happens rarely. I feel out of place when I'm the only guy around a lot of women.

But... I feel far less comfortable around other trans people, and the "why" is kinda tricky to explain cause it's a bit ironic, but... I often feel tense around other trans people irl cause I'm scared of saying something too blunt that would offend them or be seen as insensitive. When that does happen I feel bad and get even more tense around them. It just happens that the words and terms that come out of my mouth irl can be interpreted as triggering or even transphobic, but it's the language I'm used to and prefer for myself with no ill intent, and it just slips out at this point. Of course it doesn't apply to everyone though, and I'm not avoiding anyone no matter what gender cis or trans. But yeah, in general I feel the most comfortable around cis men and the least around other trans people cause of good and bad experiences in real life.

I expected to be more comfortable around other trans people when transitioning but instead noticed I got more comfortable around cis men instead, which was very unexpected for me. Before transitioning I used to be more comfortable around women cause most people I knew back then were women including my best friend. I think why it shifted could be that I started to understand men more and found it was easier for me to communicate with them than I had previously thought, as I didn't know that many before.

I've had a lot of both good and bad instances but mostly good ones. Especially a lot of calm party's when I've had very interesting, connecting, deep and important conversations.

Social cues/behaviour has always been a mystery for me, whether male or female such (I have asperger's which is probably why this confuses me) so at this point and during all of my transition so far I've struggled just as much with trying to match male social cues as I did with female ones before transitioning. During most of my transition it wasn't easier but also not worse, but I've gotten a bit better at it lately.

I think the only kind of social setting that I find troublesome for me to adapt to/blend in with is men only sport events, but I very rarely attend any such anyway and these days I'm confident enough to just say I don't get it and I'm not interested in getting it either and I'd rather not attend.

[PurpleWolf]

I'm the most comfortable around cis guys. I feel more relaxed and have some sense of belonging, especially if we have some shared interests and/or sense of humour. Then I feel quite comfortable around cis women, same thing about shared interests and/or humour. The only times I tend to feel uncomfortable around cis women is when they know I'm trans and consider me to still be one of them, although that happens rarely. I feel out of place when I'm the only guy around a lot of women.

But... I feel far less comfortable around other trans people, and the "why" is kinda tricky to explain cause it's a bit ironic, but... I often feel tense around other trans people irl cause I'm scared of saying something too blunt that would offend them or be seen as insensitive. When that does happen I feel bad and get even more tense around them. It just happens that the words and terms that come out of my mouth irl can be interpreted as triggering or even transphobic, but it's the language I'm used to and prefer for myself with no ill intent, and it just slips out at this point. Of course it doesn't apply to everyone though, and I'm not avoiding anyone no matter what gender cis or trans. But yeah, in general I feel the most comfortable around cis men and the least around other trans people cause of good and bad experiences in real life.

I expected to be more comfortable around other trans people when transitioning but instead noticed I got more comfortable around cis men instead, which was very unexpected for me. Before transitioning I used to be more comfortable around women cause most people I knew back then were women including my best friend. I think why it shifted could be that I started to understand men more and found it was easier for me to communicate with them than I had previously thought, as I didn't know that many before.

I've had a lot of both good and bad instances but mostly good ones. Especially a lot of calm party's when I've had very interesting, connecting, deep and important conversations.

Social cues/behaviour has always been a mystery for me, whether male or female such (I have asperger's which is probably why this confuses me) so at this point and during all of my transition so far I've struggled just as much with trying to match male social cues as I did with female ones before transitioning. During most of my transition it wasn't easier but also not worse, but I've gotten a bit better at it lately.

I think the only kind of social setting that I find troublesome for me to adapt to/blend in with is men only sport events, but I very rarely attend any such anyway and these days I'm confident enough to just say I don't get it and I'm not interested in getting it either and I'd rather not attend.

Thank you so much  ! That was awesome!

[PurpleWolf]

After so many great answers I'll elaborate also:

Despite desperately trying, I didn't have many boy friends as a child. Basically I wasn't accepted... So I mainly played with girls. But I always felt a sense of gender euphoria when I was with the boys.

I socially transitioned at 13. So been living as male since. Tried to start medically transitioning at 16, but wasn't able to.

That eventually lead me to doom myself to almost complete social isolation, coz I have crippling social dysphoria. Basically I can't STAND to be seen as female - but currently don't pass very well - so don't feel like seeing ANYBODY. I just can't stand it. So don't go out much. Haven't been able to even change my name... And I will absolutely not deal with any of that.

I feel comfortable around cis guys - only I don't wanna hang out with anybody, looking like this :/. I also feel comfortable around people in general - only don't see any. I especially identify with cis guys - and in my head, I'm 'cis'. But since it's such a huge contrast to my current form (and the way people see it), this limbo has made me almost lose my mind to the point of doubting if I'm trans. I don't even know how to introduce myself to others. And in order to stay alive I've been having to suck it up somehow & ignore. So, that's what I've basically been doing - ignoring my life.

So, I think I WOULD get along with cis guys just fine!!! But even the idea of 'hanging around with guy friends' seems awkward & distant as I've been just concentrating on surviving for so long... In my head I'm a cis guy. I think I act like one, talk like one, walk like one, have a sense of humor like one, gesture like one, think like one etc... When I'm by myself, it's alright. When something reminds me that actually I have a female body, I feel utterly confused. I'm so convinced I'm a guy that my main concern with T was getting bald, as if I already was on T and that would be something 'extra' to consider. But ofc I don't look like a guy at all (well, realistically) - which means I will not deal with people seeing me as woman. In no way on earth I'm going to interact as a f*male in society! I will not utter my legal name aloud, coz CAN'T.

But still... after so many years I doubt if I'm trans  ! Or "trans enough"!!!
Interestingly it gnaws on me that I don't have 'proof' that I'm 'one of the guys' - yet I don't feel like interacting with ANYONE coz I don't look like one :/.

This is the main reason I'm on this forum.

Please don't give me that sh*t anymore that I'm just doing a survey here, please, guys!
I have like the biggest social dysphoria on earth that cripples my life! And no social support whatsoever.

But given the circumstances I've learned coping mechanisms to deal with it & somewhat function. Except that I can't interact (& be friends with) people looking like this :/.
I haven't even wanted to contact people online coz I can't deal with the way I look in their eyes.

- But other than that, I get along with cis people just fine! -

Am I crazy? Or just trans?

And yes I can deal with cis men coz I think I have bigger balls than many of them! In no way I'm allowing myself to feel inferior compared to them! Just bcos of this stupid condition. So, yes, I kick some (cis guy) ass! [=which is a metaphor] And most cis guys aren't dangerous or aggressive to begin with - most cis guys are like your dad, or nerds, or balding doctors etc. Why would I NOT feel comfortable around them?! I would feel comfortable around men if I was a woman, too.

What a rant... Oh, well.

Feel free to comment... But no negativity, please.

Even writing this stuff feels surreal...

[Julia1996]

Viktor, don't engage, it's useless.. I have the feeling that PurpleWolf is running some sort of survey by creating multiple threads with extremely personal questions - and posts multiple answers so as to keep the threads alive and to cover up the fact that some people are hesitant to answer.
This is a case where I felt uncomfortable being around a trans man in an online forum where I expect to feel safe.

I think he's just curious about a lot of things. I doubt he's conducting a survey but if he is who cares. We do polls here all the time. Polls are surveys. A lot of personal questions are asked on this forum. I feel that I am among friends here so I don't mind answering them. If you feel something is too personal don't answer it. Someone's question can seem like it has an obvious answer or even seem stupid. But the thing is sometimes people really don't know. To those of us that have been here a while it can be easy to forget being trans is new for some people and they have honest questions and have come here to find answers.

It comes down to simply, if you find a question too personal don't answer it. If you find someone's post offensive don't reply to it.

[PurpleWolf]

I think he's just curious about a lot of things.

Thanks, Julia  ! True. I already answered him if you scroll up a bit...

I doubt he's conducting a survey but if he is who cares.

I'm not. But thanks for making my day by calling me 'he',  ! It feels ECSTATIC!!! Makes my heart wanna cry from joy,  !

Actually comments like his make ME feel a bit uncomfortable, like I'm not wanted here... But nothing I can't handle  ! Just wished he'd have come straight to me instead of talking of me in third person in my own thread... But everyone is entitled to their opinions,  ! You are absolutely right, Julia - if you don't feel like answering something, then don't! As simple as that.

[Laurie]

 
  In reading this thread I was dismayed to read the posting of personal criticisms between several members. This prompted me to remind everyone. of TOS 10. If there is some concern you have with another or their posts you are welcome to bring them to our attention by reporting it to the staff by using the "report to moderator" button in the lower right corner of every post. To refresh your memories:

10. Bashing or flaming of an individual or group is not acceptable behavior on this website and will not be tolerated in the slightest for any reason.  This includes but is not limited to:

    Advocating the separation or exclusion of one or more group from under the Transgender umbrella term. The same restriction applies to advocating the removal of the T from GLBT.
    Suggesting or claiming that one segment or sub-segment of our community is more or less legitimate, deserving, or real than any others.
    Suggesting that Trans people are not really men (FTM) or women (MTF).
    Posting any messages that engages in personal attacks and/or is actively or passively aggressive no matter the provocation.

[ghoulified g]

Most of my friends are cis guys that are like half a foot taller than me, so yeah. I'm not out to anyone though... I dunno, I get on better with males than females. Nerds, usually. I play D&D and I like science and computers haha

[WolfNightV4X1]

Ah yes, I am much MORE comfortable around cis guys now that I have transitioned. It feels good because there's no awkward different sex sexual tension. I feel like if I was around guys before I would be viewed as weak, cutesy, feminine and I wouldnt be treated like one of the guys. Im still feminine but not in the flamer sense.

Some cis guys do make me uncomfortable, mainly the ones that portray typical macho masculinity or dont hold any of my interests. Plus, macho toxic masculine males are more likely to be transphobic, so I prefer to keep myself at bay from them. If I make friends with guys its typically dudes who are going to be more welcoming to LGBT folks.

I tend to get along well with millenials, artists, gamer dudes, nerds, and other trans guys. That's not to say I discriminate on the basis of gender, though. Some girls are chill to hang out with. I just hang out with the person.

[PurpleWolf]

Some cis guys do make me uncomfortable, mainly the ones that portray typical macho masculinity or dont hold any of my interests. Plus, macho toxic masculine males are more likely to be transphobic, so I prefer to keep myself at bay from them. If I make friends with guys its typically dudes who are going to be more welcoming to LGBT folks.

Agree!

[natalie.ashlyne]

For me I was always able to talk with females, They always talked about female things periods, guys, sex, in front of me both before and after. The only time i was awkward was when I first met them and I thought they where very attractive than that was hard but I got through it.

Now with guys I always felt awkward no matter what before and after more before though, when why talked about guy stuff before I was very uncomfortable, then we talked about girls and sex and stuff it was hard for me as I felt shy awkward and felt like I should not be talking about that stuff with them. It was hard because it felt like I had to prove myself to them.