Yes. What kept you holding back from transitioning the most? Do you have one thing that was the worst? Or many?
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MONEY. Unfortunately.
More precisely, 3 things:
Being victim of transphobia, which prevented me from transitioning.
Dysphoria that prevented me from making money.
Money and not having it. Otherwise would have transitioned ages ago, I think.
Edit: I'll add that I too developed those fears you mentioned as I was not able to transition back then. My biggest fear: Not being accepted by other guys & being part of them. Plus: not being cis, being a freak, being this 'in-between monster' (without a dick), being hated on, not being really trans etc. (btw thanks to you guys it's completely gone now, I think)
But all that only came along after I almost lost my mind for not being able to transition. (I started to believe that the person I see in the mirror is the one I 'really am' and can't be a guy.)
But the biggest one for me was undoubtedly the money. I always knew I would operate my chest as soon as I could afford to.
For me i did not want to get picked on i did not know how too i did not know the cost just scared of the unknow scared i would not pass
Scared I'd be looked at like a freak and disowned by my dad. Happened but I'm so much happier now so it didn't matter as much as I thought. And not being able to get a job to pay for private treatment because the NHS is a joke for trans people
Quote from: Elis on December 12, 2017, 01:48:13 PM
Scared I'd be looked at like a freak and disowned by my dad. Happened but I'm so much happier now so it didn't matter as much as I thought.
Hugs :-\!!! You are strong!
https://quoteinvestigator.com/2012/12/04/those-who-mind/
1.Do what you want to do, say what you want to say, because those who matter don't mind, and those who do mind don't matter.
2.Say what you want and be who you are, because those who matter don't mind, and those who matter don't mind.
3.Always do what you want, and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.
4.Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
For me it was fear. I was really scared my dad and brother would reject me. Everyone assumed I was gay and they were fine with that. But I was afraid coming out as trans would be pushing it too far. It seems silly to have worried about it now but I didn't know. People can be very unpredictable when it comes to a trans child or relative. My mom didn't accept me before I transitioned so I didn't expect her to be supportive but I didn't care that she wasn't.
The thing that held me back the most was fear. Fear that whomever I was seeing would dump me.
I am currently with a really accepting man whom I love with all my heart and he is ok with me transitioning.
The relationship with my wife. I don't want to lose her.
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Quote from: PurpleWolf on December 12, 2017, 01:55:30 PM
Hugs :-\!!! You are strong!
https://quoteinvestigator.com/2012/12/04/those-who-mind/
1.Do what you want to do, say what you want to say, because those who matter don't mind, and those who do mind don't matter.
2.Say what you want and be who you are, because those who matter don't mind, and those who matter don't mind.
3.Always do what you want, and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.
4.Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
Thanks you're awesome :)
Gertrude...I knew if I started HRT our life would be better. My wife would not have to deal with anger I could not let go of otherwise. When I was young, changing genders was a seldom heard of phenomenon. Renee Richards seemed to be an oddity and we did not hear about others such as Dena who transitioned in the early 80's. Then I saw Christine Cossey and began to believe maybe. Lately I have been seeing things on "YouTube" Princess Joules, Jazz Jennings, Carmen, Candice, Gigi, Janet Mock, Leverne Cox. The internet is such a wonderful resource Fear was the biggest reason not to reveal my desires. Being on HRT for 16 months now has mellowed my anger and allows us to talk about things that matter, like girlfriends. If I never present again in public, we have already been rewarded.
Quote from: Elis on December 12, 2017, 03:52:54 PM
Thanks you're awesome :)
Well that made me feel awesome, :)
I feared hurting my sons. I feared losing every important relationship I had. I lost none in reality.
Moni
Quote from: HappyMoni on December 12, 2017, 04:54:06 PM
I feared hurting my sons. I feared losing every important relationship I had. I lost none in reality.
Moni
That's great!
Fear.
Fear of losing my family. Fear of losing my friends.
I finally had to face my fear. I was pushed, actually, by my former spouse. I lost my marriage, my home, some of my family. None of my few friends from then!
I built new friendships. I have adopted a new family of sorts. My fears were real, but overblown. I'm better now, happier, and on a path to find joy and peace, I think.
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Quote from: DawnOday on December 12, 2017, 03:57:16 PM
Gertrude...I knew if I started HRT our life would be better. My wife would not have to deal with anger I could not let go of otherwise. When I was young, changing genders was a seldom heard of phenomenon. Renee Richards seemed to be an oddity and we did not hear about others such as Dena who transitioned in the early 80's. Then I saw Christine Cossey and began to believe maybe. Lately I have been seeing things on "YouTube" Princess Joules, Jazz Jennings, Carmen, Candice, Gigi, Janet Mock, Leverne Cox. The internet is such a wonderful resource Fear was the biggest reason not to reveal my desires. Being on HRT for 16 months now has mellowed my anger and allows us to talk about things that matter, like girlfriends. If I never present again in public, we have already been rewarded.
She's coming from a place of shame and what others will think, especially her family. The interesting thing is we live thousands of miles from most of them, but she's haunted by her indoctrination/upbringing. My therapist told me this week that I will have to help my family transition as well as myself and in some ways that's harder. The other thing is that she'd have to give up control.
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What held me back? My family. I initially considered transitioning about 15 years ago. I was scared that my father would disown me, and I was worried about what effect this would have on my daughters.
Now my daughters are older (ages 19 and 23) and they have become beautiful, intelligent, emotionally strong young women. I expect this will still have an impact on them, but they are much more capable of handling it now. I will find out soon because I plan to tell them by the end of this month.
I have no idea what my parents will think, but I am no longer worried about their reaction. They will either accept me or they won't. We have a great relationship and hopefully I will be pleasantly surprised by their reaction, but I realize the day I tell them may be they last time I see them.
This may sound selfish, but I realized it is time for me to place my personal well-being at the front of the line.
Quote from: Jessica_Rose on December 12, 2017, 10:45:39 PM
This may sound selfish, but I realized it is time for me to place my personal well-being at the front of the line.
That's never selfish!!! You should be your own best friend.
You should come first to yourself. If you don't love yourself the most, who will?
Not knowing who i was or what a man or woman were. Fear never held me back its like my body moved by itself
I don't know.
Uncertainty and wife and kids that I was happy with.
Always thought it would be something I could or would do later. Life happened (wife, kids) and as it became "later", I thought I'd been dealing with it for so long that it was too late and I could survive with out transitioning.
There was no event that triggered it, but in Sept of last year I couldn't deal with it alone anymore and went to therapist.
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Fear, which was mostly me projecting my internalized transphobia. I wasn't so much afraid of what others might say or do to me as I was of actually wearing the label. And then, once I had started to deal with the internal transphobia, it was fear that my wife would leave me.
All the fears turned out to be imaginary. Nothing bad happened to me.
Fear that "the sky would fall down", but it's still up there! [emoji4]
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Ultimately, the only answer is ourselves.
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Quote from: Gertrude on December 13, 2017, 10:01:15 AM
Ultimately, the only answer is ourselves.
Painfully true...
Not much has got in my way with it but I guess the thing that I thought about most was how it would affect my partner. In some way I thought it didn't matter, because our relationship isn't perfect and he's one of those depressives who sees the glass half empty in everything when things aren't going right. He had already said a year or two before I mentioned any of this to him that he thought our relationship was screwed. Once I dropped the bomb on him he said at least all the other stuff were things "you can come back from".
That was the only thing that got in the way. I didn't care if my family cared because they just don't feature much in my life and I wouldn't let them stop my anyways. I don't care what strangers have to say about it (nobody's said anything). I don't care if my friends decided to ditch me for it (they didn't). I don't have any problems with myself or being what I am, I'm as honest with myself as I can be. So the only thing that made me feel guilty was the relationship. I explained everything, waited a year, waited another year (not sure what for), then said I was going for it. He said he knew there was no point trying to stop me as even if he thought it bizarre his values are pretty much my values - if it's who you are, there's no point trying to pretend you're something you're not or just feeling like crap for the rest of your life. Plus I guess he knows I'm incorrigible. I can take a while to make up my mind but once it's made up that's it.
Quote from: PurpleWolf on December 13, 2017, 10:06:58 AM
Painfully true...
And I am no exception to it. I could blame my parents for teaching me that everything LGBT was terrible, wrong, and awful. (basically bigotry justified by religion) But even when I had cast that off I still managed to tell myself that this was impossible. I knew I needed to do it and I found every reason not to.
Everything got in the way people without being trans struggle a lot too. I've had to rule out so many things in my life to get to where I am. On top of that I've been in school/college and working. I always kept in my mind that I don't want to be a statistic. I can be hard on myself sometimes.. but it's out of fear like everyone already said
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The thing that held me back is still keeping me from taking any significant steps. Family and to a smaller extent work.
My kids are teen and preteen and have struggled enough with my ex and I getting divorced. I'm very involved in their lives and don't want to put any more pressure on them or cause them to face ridicule as a result of my decisions. Although my ex and I get along well, she has no idea about my issues and she is quite conservative and I don't see her being very receptive to me transitioning. Most of my family is very conservative as well but I do have some siblings that I think would be supportive but my dad... Can't see that happening. So here I am, trying to find a halfway point that will keep me off the radar but still alleviate some of my issues. Still working on that answer.
I also own my own business and do contract work with local (rural and conservative) counties here. I strongly believe that, although my contracts wouldn't be terminated, they wouldn't be renewed when they come up for bids again. That isn't something I can put in jeopardy at this time either.
So I have no real idea what to do but I'm going to just keep moving on.
Fear. And a complete lack of anything resembling self esteem. I loathed myself utterly, especially for having my crossdressing urges (yet I still did it). I told myself I'd never be passable, I was too tall, too ugly, too deep a voice, etc....
I eventually had to overcome that fear & self-loathing, and realize that none of that mattered. It was either give transitioning a try or end it all. Well, I tried the latter (failed, thankfully), and decided what the hell do I have to lose? Let's give transitioning a try. It's worked out amazingly well!!
Fear of ridicule, fear of failure, fear of losing all that I have gained.
When I was asked this a month or two back by my counsellor, after a brief pause my answer was 'me'.
I alone am holding myself back, so there should really be no problem.
Of course there is the fear but as we are 'transitioning' into a new life and reality, then we have to accept that there are unknowns, just as there were for our first puberty, but as most of us have some, or a lot, of experience in worldly matters, then these should really be seen as challenges and not blockers.
Everyone on this site will have experienced fear about some aspect of their life or journey yet we are still here. It shows that we are tacking life and its constant fluxes and changes of path. But that is what is so good about living, in that we can make choices to make ourselves and others happier and more content.
Sorry for the waffle, but when I start getting doubt or fear over doing something, I think of this, and not externalised fear factors and it work for me, I am in control so its OK.
I will get where I want to be, one day soon.
Hugz
Katie :angel: :angel:
For me, I was actually held back by making too much progress. I was in denial for a long time, and the relief of not fighting being trans actually threw me. I was feeling the best I had ever had as an adult, why would I want to change things? I tried one last attempt to make things work as a guy, and it did delay me for about a year. While I do deeply regret how long I waited to get started, I'm not too broken up about that extra year. I gained a lot of valuable information about myself.
1.Money
2. Job
3. Overall Environment.
But Money holds me back the most, because with money, the last two would be nill.
Quote from: Sarah_P on December 17, 2017, 01:51:45 PM
Fear. And a complete lack of anything resembling self esteem. I loathed myself utterly, especially for having my crossdressing urges (yet I still did it). I told myself I'd never be passable, I was too tall, too ugly, too deep a voice, etc....
Me too, add useless school qualifications, a dead end job which was easy money & fear of losing the few friends I had.10 years later I knew I had to go for it or die. Not by my own hand, I lacked the courage but in an accident while out of it on drink or drugs. I fell down the stairs through a glass door drunk, with a few minor cuts, knocked a radio into the bath, that sort of thing.