I know that will sound odd to those of you who have read my posts (thank you for that). And the title should be "I came out to my wife and myself". I've been coming to terms with my general depression, my body dysphoria, liking girl things, everything except one thing. Last night it finally came out.
My wife and I were lying in bed just talking and cuddling, my thoughts out pacing my mouth. I leaned up on my elbow, looked her straight in the eyes and said:
(sorry, close, I can't 100% remember the words that poured out)
"I am transgender. I am a girl on the inside and I need your help making my outside more girl to match my inside in a way that is comfortable for both of us."
And, she had to hold me for the next 30 minutes while I bawled my eyes out. I never really admitted to myself nor verbalized until that moment. I felt vulnerable ... exposed .. naked ... in a way I've never felt before. I feel relieved like a weights been lifted and also more scared than I've ever felt before.
It's all so surreal and backwards. My wife has stated multiple times over the past weeks and several times that night that I want to 'be' a girl and also worded 'you are a girl' (distinction there). I did not acknowledge it nor could I affirm nor deny at that time. The words bounced in my head, I could not give voice to them. They'd stick in my throat and I'd just stare at her. She knew, told me it's ok. They'll come out when I'm ready. Last night it came out ... I came out. I'm practically crying again now, I'm all blurry-eyed and choked up.
I'm running out of coherent thoughts, let me close with this:
"Hi, My name is Faith and I am a transgender woman woman. Thank you for welcoming me into your lives."
ps
I love my wife. She is not an addendum. She is my life. She is my lifeline. She completes me.
Congratulations! That is awesome news Faith! Coming out and discovering you have a spouse who supports you unquestionably must have been an incredibly liberating and emotional experience. I wish you the best of luck in your journey!
Well welcome to the forum!!!! Faith you have found a great place to discuss things and ask questions. Glad that you could open up to your wife and express what you had locked up inside of you. I found it way harder to tell relatives and those I was close to. I think for me it was because it was a secret so held up inside that they wouldn't even realize or have any clue. It caught them off guard. They were like "how come you didn't tell us before?" Well in my family we don't discuss things all that well. I am glad that it came out relatively well for you!!!!
Well done hun. Saying those words aloud is hard isn't it!
This is all part of our self-acceptance and tearing down those walls of either societal or self-imposed repression.
Onward! X
Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk
Congratulation Faith, I am happy for you. Do you have a plan for moving forward?
I relate to your leap in awareness. As you go forward, I suspect this will not be your last epiphany. I realized I am now a year and a half full time and I am still taking mental steps every once in a while. It is wonderful that you have her supporting you.
Moni
Hi Faith,
I also want to say well done with this admission to yourself. It is a big step and with it I'd venture you are making progress where I've stumbled. Yes, I have said those words and I cannot deny I am trans. I have even said I am a woman where I have a problem is with accepting it. Don't stumble my friend. Keep moving forward with your wife at your side if she will. It will help you so much with you both nurturing your relationship.
Hugs,
Laurie
WONDERFUL NEWS ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D!!!
thanks everyone for your kind words of support. I'm still dazed today. I've been choking up all day as I think back on it .. a happy daze. My wife came home for lunch (she worked today) and I almost broke down as she was leaving. I had to run back inside. She knew though.
Plans? I plan on doing what's feels right one day at a time.
hormones? If I'm this bad now, what's it going to be like then?
OMG Faith! That is wonderful news. Congratulations on being able to come to your wife and to yourself.
I had my reply all typed out and I pressed the wrong button and it vanished. Aaarggh!! So I will try to rewrite it as best I can.
It is so hard to say the words out loud, so it feels so liberating when you do manage to get them out and actually hear yourself say "I am transgender". It sounds like you were able to choose your words better than I did when I came out to my wife. I think all I managed to say was "I think I was born in the wrong body" promptly followed by a massive meltdown. I was inconsolable for at least an hour afterwards. It took me another 2 years before I could admit to myself that I was transgender.
What an emotional experience this must have been for you. Your mind is probably racing at a million miles an hour trying to process this moment. Welcome to a wonderful life of being yourself.
Quote from: Faith on December 23, 2017, 06:44:25 AM
"Hi, My name is Faith and I am a transgender woman woman. Thank you for welcoming me into your lives."
Hi Faith, my name is Jayne and I am very pleased to meet you. It is a pleasure knowing you.
Jayne
Congratulations, Faith! I know just how hard it is to say those words to a spouse. You did it! Now the journey begins.
Faith my friend,
I just saw this, and I'm so happy for you. Reading your words took me back to that night last May when I did the same with my wife, with the same wonderful outcome. I'm crying with you now.
Congratulations, and please let your wife know that she's a hero to all of us here.
Stephanie
Congratulations Faith!
Your wife is an amazing woman! Mine didn't believe me when I first came out and she had a rough time with it for a little while. But even if we have the ups and downs dealing with this, I know that she loves me and has my back. She has come a long way and she is about the only person I can say that about in my life right now.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
I just finished catching up this thread. Hard saying it out loud is an understatement. I cannot overstate how much better I feel now. I've been happily on cloud nine since. I know there's going to be pitfalls and more dark cloud moments. for now, Christmas looks very cheery.
I moved out of the way so my Wife could read. She read the replies first and got all choked up on your comments. Thank you for bringing her happy tears. Then I let her read my post that started it. Needless to say, we had a nice teary-eyed snuggle moment.
life is good. :)
Quote from: Faith on December 24, 2017, 06:41:21 AM
I moved out of the way so my Wife could read. She read the replies first and got all choked up on your comments. Thank you for bringing her happy tears. Then I let her read my post that started it. Needless to say, we had a nice teary-eyed snuggle moment.
life is good. :)
Damn, Faith. You got my ocular leakage going again. [emoji24]
Now I know we have to arrange a meeting some time. Do you think your wife would be up for lunch with Sue and me? Just light socializing, nothing intense, no big group to deal with. We could fly down that direction in a couple of months after I get my plane finished. Just thinking out loud...
Stephanie
Quote from: Steph2.0 on December 24, 2017, 07:11:51 AM
Damn, Faith. You got my ocular leakage going again. [emoji24]
Now I know we have to arrange a meeting some time. Do you think your wife would be up for lunch with Sue and me? Just light socializing, nothing intense, no big group to deal with. We could fly down that direction in a couple of months after I get my plane finished. Just thinking out loud...
Stephanie
Absolutely!! I would sooo love that. Expect a PM ....
Faith, that is absolutely fabulous. I love the naked vulnerability and the immediate acceptance. You are one loved, lucky girl indeed!
Bari Jo
Quote from: Bari Jo on December 25, 2017, 04:55:53 PM
Faith, that is absolutely fabulous. I love the naked vulnerability and the immediate acceptance. You are one loved, lucky girl indeed!
Bari Jo
thanks Bari Jo. I am lucky. I don't know how I ended with with it. I haven't lived one of those lives that deserve to be blessed but I surely am. I feel guilty reading the struggles that some (most) on here go through and I end up gliding through with a bit of updraft/downdraft turbulence to keep me on my toes.
I teared up a lot today, once bad enough that My wife dragged me out for a walk to help me clear my head. not to hide me, just in case I might feel embarrassed with a house full of people watching.
Quote from: Faith on December 25, 2017, 05:06:09 PM
thanks Bari Jo. I am lucky. I don't know how I ended with with it. I haven't lived one of those lives that deserve to be blessed but I surely am. I feel guilty reading the struggles that some (most) on here go through and I end up gliding through with a bit of updraft/downdraft turbulence to keep me on my toes.
I teared up a lot today, once bad enough that My wife dragged me out for a walk to help me clear my head. not to hide me, just in case I might feel embarrassed with a house full of people watching.
your wife is awesome. I know how you can feel guilty. I have a couple of unicorn supporters in my corner too. I think it's important to post happy coming outs like yours though. it's hope for those of us still in the closet and afraid of what might happen.
Bari Jo
Quote from: Faith on December 23, 2017, 06:44:25 AM
.....
It's all so surreal and backwards. My wife has stated multiple times over the past weeks and several times that night that I want to 'be' a girl and also worded 'you are a girl' (distinction there). I did not acknowledge it nor could I affirm nor deny at that time. The words bounced in my head, I could not give voice to them. They'd stick in my throat and I'd just stare at her. She knew, told me it's ok. They'll come out when I'm ready...
ps
I love my wife. She is not an addendum. She is my life. She is my lifeline. She completes me.
Oh sweetie, it's lovely when our partners are lock-step with us, by our sides. I'm in a similar boat (if you dare read through my messy early posts), in that it was my partner (wife) who was insistent that I was such a girl, that I was a girl and so on. I'm sure she's thinking that the words will come when I am ready, they have in part, and I'm in therapy now for anxiety amongst other things. Is this the start of my journey? I don't know, but I do know that she is precious to me, just like your wife.
Take very good care of your lady, and she will be your strongest ally - it's always good to hear good news stories, and this has me smiling from ear to ear, as there's are similarities between your story and mine.
Congratulations!
Rowan
Hi there darling im so glad that you had the guts to tell your wife about it I really wish I could be as brave enough as you and tell my wife and family members about me. 😆 im 47 years old and I have 2 kid's and a great life as a man. I used to go out every 2nd Saturday night dressing up and going to transexual clubs and I lies to my wife that im working. I've been doing this for 10 years. 😆 💖 she found out about me dressed up and going out with other trans girls. We nearly divorce and sell our house. I just told her that I liked to dress up as a cross dresser sometimes. 😆 💖 but anyway enough of my stuff. im wishing you the best and blessings for the new year and your new life as a woman darling 😆 💖 💋
Hi, Linda!
I notice that this is your first post, so I wanted to jump in and welcome you to Susan's.
Please feel free to stop by the Introductions forum (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/board,8.0.html) to tell the members about yourself. Here is some information that we like to share with new members:
Things that you should read
Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html) | Standard Terms & Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html) | Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.) |
Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html) | Cautionary Note (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,82221.0.html) | Photo, avatars, & signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866) |
Quote from: linda troung vu on December 30, 2017, 12:15:22 AM
Hi there darling im so glad that you had the guts to tell your wife about it I really wish I could be as brave enough as you and tell my wife and family members about me. 😆 im 47 years old and I have 2 kid's and a great life as a man. I used to go out every 2nd Saturday night dressing up and going to transexual clubs and I lies to my wife that im working. I've been doing this for 10 years. 😆 💖 she found out about me dressed up and going out with other trans girls. We nearly divorce and sell our house. I just told her that I liked to dress up as a cross dresser sometimes. 😆 💖 but anyway enough of my stuff. im wishing you the best and blessings for the new year and your new life as a woman darling 😆 💖 💋
Thank You Linda.
There isn't a single right way to tell anyone what we're going through. Everyone's situation is a bit different. If you read my previous posts you'll realize that this one, while a milestone, was more about telling myself than telling her. She already knew. Full admission to myself was hard.
Within a month of my suspicions of why I'd been depressed for years, I told her. She progressed right along side of me as I figured out what was going on. She was calling me a girl before I was. Maybe that's backwards for some here. It worked, and is still working, for me. I can't count my blessings, the number is too high. I do know which blessing is at the top of the list though.
Hi Faith - clearly, I am quite late coming to your thread. Your coming out to yourself and your wife was a truly beautiful and touching story. I seldom get the "ocular leakage " others report. But your story truly did bring tears to my eyes. I have yet to reveal myself to my wife. Your story is the outcome I would love to receive. But I'm not sure my wife is understanding of the TG struggle.
I look forward to reading the unfolding story of your blossoming.
Anne
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
Quote from: anne_indy on January 04, 2018, 04:37:42 PM
Hi Faith - clearly, I am quite late coming to your thread. Your coming out to yourself and your wife was a truly beautiful and touching story. I seldom get the "ocular leakage " others report. But your story truly did bring tears to my eyes. I have yet to reveal myself to my wife. Your story is the outcome I would love to receive. But I'm not sure my wife is understanding of the TG struggle.
I look forward to reading the unfolding story of your blossoming.
Anne
I glad my rambling touched you in a positive way. I wish I could say that you'd have the same result when you decide to share. The reactions are a varied as there are people to tell. There is only one way to know which one you'll get.
Not telling is a huge burden, that I can state unequivocally.
I'm very happy for you Faith!
My husband has stated we will go separate ways when I start looking more like a guy and change my name because he is not gay. But we will still be best friends.
Give your wonderful wife a tight hug, she is a precious person to support you and can help to guide you to your womanhood.
Admitting to myself that I am transgender took me more than 10 years of chaos and depressions. Congratulations for taking this huge step.
I love reading happy stories.
Tony