I know that will sound odd to those of you who have read my posts (thank you for that). And the title should be "I came out to my wife and myself". I've been coming to terms with my general depression, my body dysphoria, liking girl things, everything except one thing. Last night it finally came out.
My wife and I were lying in bed just talking and cuddling, my thoughts out pacing my mouth. I leaned up on my elbow, looked her straight in the eyes and said:
(sorry, close, I can't 100% remember the words that poured out)
"I am transgender. I am a girl on the inside and I need your help making my outside more girl to match my inside in a way that is comfortable for both of us."
And, she had to hold me for the next 30 minutes while I bawled my eyes out. I never really admitted to myself nor verbalized until that moment. I felt vulnerable ... exposed .. naked ... in a way I've never felt before. I feel relieved like a weights been lifted and also more scared than I've ever felt before.
It's all so surreal and backwards. My wife has stated multiple times over the past weeks and several times that night that I want to 'be' a girl and also worded 'you are a girl' (distinction there). I did not acknowledge it nor could I affirm nor deny at that time. The words bounced in my head, I could not give voice to them. They'd stick in my throat and I'd just stare at her. She knew, told me it's ok. They'll come out when I'm ready. Last night it came out ... I came out. I'm practically crying again now, I'm all blurry-eyed and choked up.
I'm running out of coherent thoughts, let me close with this:
"Hi, My name is Faith and I am a transgender woman woman. Thank you for welcoming me into your lives."
ps
I love my wife. She is not an addendum. She is my life. She is my lifeline. She completes me.
