****************************************************
This is a RANT. Don't read if you don't want to hear me ranting. >:D
****************************************************
Okay, people around here (locally, not online, yet) are thinking I'm insane, they are trying to scare me and in fact, even threatening me. Oh yes, out comes the black mail threats, etc, even before I even do anything... just for considering something... here it is (for better or worse). >:D
It's stupid, really, and what makes it worse is that people in my own community want to black mail me and see this an an opportunity to "bring me down" (mostly out of jealousy).
So, basically, what's going on is that I've decided to do something that very few MtF's dare to do -- be a drag king to fundraise money for LGBT youth projects.
Of course, other MtF don't get it and don't understand that difference between a character and identity. I'm confident enough in who I am -- I know I'm a woman, no doubt about it. And it's only because I'm confident in who I am that I can dare to put myself out there as a "male stereotype character, aka, drag king." I think it's all in good fun, but others have already given me flack even though I haven't done anything yet. I don't even own male clothing! And it's been almost a year and a half since I've even put on guy clothing. I haven't even 100% committed, I just suggested it as a cool idea!
I already talked to the local troop and I have their support -- although, I kind of confused them because they think I'm FtM... I have a couple of friends in it (FtM who know my story and are giving me full support and really cheering me on because I'm doing something to taboo and unheard of. My FtM friends realize that what I'm doing is taking a lot of guts, and they are excited for me... but it seems that MtF's have the biggest trouble with it.
Although, I have one friend MtF who was a drag King in Montreal before she moved out here, and did it here, too... she doesn't do shows so much anymore, but we've gone out in the town as a "straight" couple... but the thing is, that's her male character, not her... I would have a hard time trying to place her as male even if I tried, but her characters are fun -- I like her Alberta-red-neck hick character... apparently she went into work like that once for Halloween, but offended some red-neck there. LOL.
Of course, both here and in Montreal she had people in the MtF group really get after her. They would claim that she's not really "Transsexual" or that she's not really a "woman." Which is pure BS, IMHO.
But yeah, my friends in the troop are going to teach me how to breast bind, put on fake beard hair (eh, cause I don't have any), and do all of that stuff. I think it's going to more of a challenge to pull of than I think, because I'm pretty girly-girly and always have (even in my past, most people thought I was either very effeminate or a flaming ->-bleeped-<- -- so trying to put on a exaggerated stereotype for entertainment isn't going to be exactly easy for me).
The black mail part comes in because people are threatening to tell the gate keepers (and obviously one-sided skewed story) that I'm some how going "backwards" and I don't deserve surgery, so they should kick me out of the line so they can go forward. And most people around here know how floored I was that the province delayed my surgery already, which really hurt. Of course, the delay wasn't my fault, just the province changing the rules. But, sadly, there are some people who think that this is a competition and (sadly) there are some people who are very jelous of me because I apparently look like a GG, I have a good voice, and I act feminine without as much effort as others do. So, to for me to be confident enough in who I am that I can act out other characters, regardless of gender, threatens them some how.
I don't know if the gatekeepers are stupid enough to think that I'm going backwards (and my Montreal friend, who had surgery here, got through the gate keepers and she doesn't fit the stereotypical female role and still does drag king stuff from time to time).
So, yeah, her and I are the bad a$$es around here... respected because we're very confident in who we are, but also feared and the target of jealousy. So, yeah, people come up to me, look at me, think I'm cool, etc, and then try to stab me in the back. It's sad that such drama here exists and that people act like they are in high school.
I have no desire to be male, and it hurts that people suggest that and think they know what they are talking about. For me it's about fun and maybe being a bit of a rebel and putting on a character -- and to fund raise for a good cause to boot! I have a rebel personality, which gets me into trouble sometimes but at the same time it gets me places where I would have never gone before.
So, yeah, I almost didn't go through with the show (it's not until Feb). But after thinking a lot, I realized that I can't let others push me around, especially other trans people who are wishing harm against me. I know that for many trans people doing this probably doesn't make any sense, and it probably sounds confusing.
I know one thing for sure, 99% of MtF's wouldn't be able to be comfortable and confident in themselves to attempt a drag king show -- I think it takes a lot of guts, and you really need to know yourself before attempting something like this. Especially when you start having the local community fuming at you.
I know my friend who went through all this got the same flack by a lot of people. People freaked at her because she didn't wear skirts, make up, and didn't do everything girly-girly stereotyped. Then, on top of that, she would do king shows and people didn't think she was "really" a woman (or transsexual), etc. Which is stupid, but that's how people are. I hold her in high regard because she's probably shown me more about individuality and what being a woman means more than people constantly telling me the stereotype of what it means to be a woman. A real woman isn't a stereotype, it's who you are. I know I'm a woman, and that is all that matters, no matter how I dress or what character I play for a fund raiser.
Still, people don't get it. Some do. It intrigues me that FtM's seem to understand it with no problem, but trying to explain it to other MtF's has been a challenge. I had a couple of my FtM friends do drag as a woman, believe it or not, so they've been there. And they know that they are men, and everyone else knows that they are men, and every understand that they are putting on a character, and a character isn't who you are. If that were true, than that would been that Jonny Depp is really a pirate -- but we know that Capitan Jack Sparrow is a Character, and Jonny Depp is the real person. I just don't get why some people have such a hard time with that concept.
In fact, my non-trans friends, whom I have plenty of, think it's a cool idea, too. My female friends especially think it would be fun, and it doesn't even cross their minds that I'm even considering going backwards, or that I'm not a "real" woman. But it just seems to bother MtF's the most... I don't get it. I just don't. That's the only group I'd have to say who's freaked out by the idea and doesn't seem to get it. I don't get it why they think like that. I don't get why I'm all of a sudden being attacked even just for considering the idea. Why are so many MtF's territorial and competitive? I don't get it. Yet, I get along fine with my female friends who get it, and my FtM friends who get it. Well, at least I have some people cheering for me. :)
Now, the only think I need to come up with is a drag king name. Jonny Rebel or something like that. LOL *squee* This should be fun as I colour outside the lines once again. Hopefully, others will get something out of this and realize that there's more to being a woman than the outside appearance.
*** Sorry for the rant everyone, I just needed to get this off my chest! ***
--Natalie >:D
May I please reply to your rant?
You go on stage and be the best drag king that you can be!
I have met only one drag king, a GG from Berlin, a city with a sizable population that enjoys being in drag.
Before I met her I had thought that a drag king was a woman in male costume and character. I was fascinated at what she told me, that being in drag is any costume she desired. She had gone out as male persons but she also went out in animal costumes that she made from scraps! My fave was a shark head that she wore as a pullover. It cost her about a buck and a half to have fun!
I say "Go!" and enjoy it! I don't know if this will work for you but you might want to invite the gatekeepers to the show so they can see how a confident woman can do a benefit show.
Wing Walker
Natalie ~~
That's great!!! DO IT!!! I think its a fantastic way to raise money for an excellent cause. The world is sooo much bigger than TS bs and you are showing it. Forget the naysayers, that's their own issues getting in the way of their sense that they are part of the world and must live in it and be the best they can.
Glad you are not caught up in all that.
Hugs. I am sooo proud of you.
Go for it Natalie! I think you doing the drag king thing is totally cool. Once or twice, when I told someone I was trans, they asked which way I was going. I've always thought, when no one thinks I'm a guy when wearing men's clothing, I'll have really made it >:D
y2gen
Go for it Natalie. I think it's a hoot. And I'd do drag for a giggle too. People who can't tell the difference between drag and gender identity are fools. Drag is just a costume, not your identity.
Dennis
Awww, thnx everybody. Yeah, it's all in fun and for raising money.
I can also go as an androgynous character, so the character is neither gender. I was thinking of lip-syncing to "Friday I'm in Love" by the Cure, since it's close to Valentines day when the show happens... I think I'm going to play up the romantic part and stuff... hehe.
My other show idea that I might do another date is about a guy who realizes he's trans, and starts to dress up as female goes through different things in the song... anger, sadness, depression and finally hope. I'm trying to figure out the end, but I'm considering actually de-dressing to show that under the guy she's a woman in the inside after all.
The organizer of the troop likes that idea, but I want to do at least one not-so-involve performance before I start doing something involved, so that I can be comfortable up on the stage and be sure I can do it.
--Natalie :)
Quote from: Ashley Michelle on December 15, 2007, 12:33:21 PM
Quote from: gothique11 on December 15, 2007, 12:31:08 PM
I'm trying to figure out the end, but I'm considering actually de-dressing to show that under the guy she's a woman in the inside after all.
i like that!
~ashley~
Yep, I totally love that idea -- but it's going to take lots of practice, so I'm probably going to do the smaller show to get comfortable on stage. I'm considering dressing as Robert Smith for my "Friday I'm in Love" show. There's a bit of an inside joke with me dressing as Robert Smith, actually.
So, yeah, there's a message that kind of comes along with my shows. A couple of the FtM's have also started to get more involved beyond just lip-syncing, but having a bit of a message to the act regarding trans issues or just day-to-day issues. Two of my friends did a duo to Barnaked Ladies "What A Good Boy," that made me cry at the last show.
So, it's good that there's a trend to also have fun -- which is important -- but also to have some more involved stuff that also makes you think a little bit about what's going on, and reflects the lives of the LGBT community through entertainment and performance.
The messages in my "Friday I'm in Love" act will be a little more subtle, of course, and it about a lot of things, actually. Primarily about self-love and acceptance. A Robert Smith character is good because the real RS is androgynous looking-ish, so I plan on playing on that, and the idea of the Character being unsure which gender she/he is, but self-discovering it at the same time, being excited, etc. I plan on also hading out flowers and candy during the show, being excited, being in love, and at the end I plan on taking the last flower and putting it in my pocket to symbolize self-love and acceptance of the self.
But, at the same time, I'm designing the show simple that even if people don't catch on, they'll still have fun and be entertained -- and so that if I screw up a bit, I have a discractions of the flowers and candy kind, so less pressure on me in case mess up a bit.
So, yeah, I'm a sneaky one. hehe.
--Natalie :)
i don't know, gothique. i personally wouldn't do anything that really might jeopardize my spot in the queue you're in.
if there's a real risk there, i'd say Whoa!!! to myself, and just what am i doing?
Whoa, girlfriend. Why not just do the seven-minute shorts and get some experience before trying to make "Gone With the Wind!" Ya think?
As for Elphaba's concern about your NHS-queue, I've no idea if drag-shows would affect that or not.
Like I said, what you're trying to accomplish is great. *smile* I'm just thinking it's easier to accelerate from 0-60 than it is to start at 60. *grin*
Have fun, fly with it...
At work Ive been asked to work as a guy to which I refused point blank... the person asking was ignorant and I did my best to educate them. <if they had asked I occasionaly play a male role Id probably have accepted as guys get to have more fun at work> I Play an Iraqi/Afgani/Arab woman for work so its all good.
Ive been asked on multiple ocasions to do drag shows... Personaly I find it really irritating... you want me, a woman, to badly impersonate a characture of a woman?!?!?!? go jump in the river will ya... its not happening... *Sigh* some people done get it...
Acting or playing a role for a benifit I think is awsome... I kinda wish someone around here would have the brains to do something like that LoL.... Besides, It really takes a woman to shocase what a man really is... LoL :P
Quote from: ell on December 15, 2007, 01:09:13 PM
i don't know, gothique. i personally wouldn't do anything that really might jeopardize my spot in the queue you're in.
if there's a real risk there, i'd say Whoa!!! to myself, and just what am i doing?
It probably won't, it's just people trying to scare me. It's like people telling me when I see the GID doctor I need to wear loads of make up, heels, and a shirt for sure or I won't get through. I've gone in with pants, runners, and hardly any make up and the doctor likes me and respects me. Besides, my friend who was doing drag king work had the surgery approved by the same doctor, and he knew all about it -- she also went in with combat boots and a tank top when she saw the doctor. The doctor isn't that stupid to not know the difference between acting and not. So, it's more about the trans community that's harassing me.
No, no, very few people would have the guts for me to go out and use music/drag to talk about trans issues in the community.
Posted on: December 16, 2007, 03:13:23 PM
Quote from: Nichole W. on December 15, 2007, 01:16:30 PM
Whoa, girlfriend. Why not just do the seven-minute shorts and get some experience before trying to make "Gone With the Wind!" Ya think?
As for Elphaba's concern about your NHS-queue, I've no idea if drag-shows would affect that or not.
Like I said, what you're trying to accomplish is great. *smile* I'm just thinking it's easier to accelerate from 0-60 than it is to start at 60. *grin*
I'm in Alberta, it's different than the NHS. NHS, from what I understand is crap. Alberta is has a more tolerant system. And it shouldn't affect it, considering I'm not the first person (and probably not the last) to do something like this.
Now, if I was just starting out in my transition, that could be seen differently. I started my transition two years ago and I'm coming up to my year and a half mark full time. Both of my doctors know me and know me well enough that I know what direction I'm going.
I'm only doing a three-five min slot. It's not that big of a production. And, honestly, yes, I can sit in front of a stage and lip synch and do nothing (been there before). But I'm confident enough that I can do a few actions during the song. Actions just take practice and I know that I can do it. The more complex one won't be coming until next time around.
It's not as complex as I make it sound to be.
Posted on: December 16, 2007, 03:18:47 PM
Quote from: LynnER on December 15, 2007, 01:45:00 PM
Have fun, fly with it...
At work Ive been asked to work as a guy to which I refused point blank... the person asking was ignorant and I did my best to educate them. <if they had asked I occasionaly play a male role Id probably have accepted as guys get to have more fun at work> I Play an Iraqi/Afgani/Arab woman for work so its all good.
Ive been asked on multiple ocasions to do drag shows... Personaly I find it really irritating... you want me, a woman, to badly impersonate a characture of a woman?!?!?!? go jump in the river will ya... its not happening... *Sigh* some people done get it...
Acting or playing a role for a benifit I think is awsome... I kinda wish someone around here would have the brains to do something like that LoL.... Besides, It really takes a woman to shocase what a man really is... LoL :P
Yeah, it wouldn't make sense for me either to impersonate a woman.
Yep, they do the show regularly throughout the year and the cover charge goes to supporting the LGBT youth group here in town. It's a really good thing to support, especially that the city continues to drop funding from those programs (as well as the LGBT center, which is basically an office now). So, stepping up to support the community and it's programs, especially for younger people, is very important. Without these events, these groups wouldn't exist. And they are always looking for people to perform to help out the show, and not just drag kings. One FtM did a drag queen song which was excellent.
You know what I think the most awesome part about this whole thing is: I don't have to even do anything. I just say stuff and people react, and then and hopefully think afterwards about why they reacted the way they did. (I know I do that, anyway)
To me, this is probably the most attractive bit of all. It really intrigues me. Even more so, that I've actually done nothing physical. I've been really interested in seeing the reactions, both positive and negative, in the trans community just over me talking about the idea. And then, beyond the community to those who are non-trans. I find the different reactions very interesting, and makes me wonder why people react in certain ways and how that reaction reflects what's going on inside of them. Also, how different groups of people react as well.
I find people interesting. I find reactions interesting. It really intrigues me, actually.
Natalie,
You go for it girl, you are such a strong person. I can't believe anyone one would try to say that you ar sliding backward just becuase you want to do the dragking thing for a great cause. it just goes to show how ignorant some people can be and how judgemetal. You enjoy yourself and i hope your show is a great success.
Hugz,
Araina
All this tells me is that the argument for tearing down the gate, and getting rid of the gatekeepers is not all that bad an idea.
I say do it and if you have to explain yourself to the powers that be. As long as your reasoning is sound, which it um, sounds like, then I don't think you're "going backwards".
I recall one MtF being forced to quit her job, becuase it wasn't "girly" enough. Its bad enough that we hold ourselves to these silly standards, but that we have to prove our femaleness when cisgendered females don't is just plain maddening.