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This is a RANT. Don't read if you don't want to hear me ranting. >
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Okay, people around here (locally, not online, yet) are thinking I'm insane, they are trying to scare me and in fact, even threatening me. Oh yes, out comes the black mail threats, etc, even before I even do anything... just for considering something... here it is (for better or worse). >
It's stupid, really, and what makes it worse is that people in my own community want to black mail me and see this an an opportunity to "bring me down" (mostly out of jealousy).
So, basically, what's going on is that I've decided to do something that very few MtF's dare to do -- be a drag king to fundraise money for LGBT youth projects.
Of course, other MtF don't get it and don't understand that difference between a character and identity. I'm confident enough in who I am -- I know I'm a woman, no doubt about it. And it's only because I'm confident in who I am that I can dare to put myself out there as a "male stereotype character, aka, drag king." I think it's all in good fun, but others have already given me flack even though I haven't done anything yet. I don't even own male clothing! And it's been almost a year and a half since I've even put on guy clothing. I haven't even 100% committed, I just suggested it as a cool idea!
I already talked to the local troop and I have their support -- although, I kind of confused them because they think I'm FtM... I have a couple of friends in it (FtM who know my story and are giving me full support and really cheering me on because I'm doing something to taboo and unheard of. My FtM friends realize that what I'm doing is taking a lot of guts, and they are excited for me... but it seems that MtF's have the biggest trouble with it.
Although, I have one friend MtF who was a drag King in Montreal before she moved out here, and did it here, too... she doesn't do shows so much anymore, but we've gone out in the town as a "straight" couple... but the thing is, that's her male character, not her... I would have a hard time trying to place her as male even if I tried, but her characters are fun -- I like her Alberta-red-neck hick character... apparently she went into work like that once for Halloween, but offended some red-neck there. LOL.
Of course, both here and in Montreal she had people in the MtF group really get after her. They would claim that she's not really "Transsexual" or that she's not really a "woman." Which is pure BS, IMHO.
But yeah, my friends in the troop are going to teach me how to breast bind, put on fake beard hair (eh, cause I don't have any), and do all of that stuff. I think it's going to more of a challenge to pull of than I think, because I'm pretty girly-girly and always have (even in my past, most people thought I was either very effeminate or a flaming ->-bleeped-<- -- so trying to put on a exaggerated stereotype for entertainment isn't going to be exactly easy for me).
The black mail part comes in because people are threatening to tell the gate keepers (and obviously one-sided skewed story) that I'm some how going "backwards" and I don't deserve surgery, so they should kick me out of the line so they can go forward. And most people around here know how floored I was that the province delayed my surgery already, which really hurt. Of course, the delay wasn't my fault, just the province changing the rules. But, sadly, there are some people who think that this is a competition and (sadly) there are some people who are very jelous of me because I apparently look like a GG, I have a good voice, and I act feminine without as much effort as others do. So, to for me to be confident enough in who I am that I can act out other characters, regardless of gender, threatens them some how.
I don't know if the gatekeepers are stupid enough to think that I'm going backwards (and my Montreal friend, who had surgery here, got through the gate keepers and she doesn't fit the stereotypical female role and still does drag king stuff from time to time).
So, yeah, her and I are the bad a$$es around here... respected because we're very confident in who we are, but also feared and the target of jealousy. So, yeah, people come up to me, look at me, think I'm cool, etc, and then try to stab me in the back. It's sad that such drama here exists and that people act like they are in high school.
I have no desire to be male, and it hurts that people suggest that and think they know what they are talking about. For me it's about fun and maybe being a bit of a rebel and putting on a character -- and to fund raise for a good cause to boot! I have a rebel personality, which gets me into trouble sometimes but at the same time it gets me places where I would have never gone before.
So, yeah, I almost didn't go through with the show (it's not until Feb). But after thinking a lot, I realized that I can't let others push me around, especially other trans people who are wishing harm against me. I know that for many trans people doing this probably doesn't make any sense, and it probably sounds confusing.
I know one thing for sure, 99% of MtF's wouldn't be able to be comfortable and confident in themselves to attempt a drag king show -- I think it takes a lot of guts, and you really need to know yourself before attempting something like this. Especially when you start having the local community fuming at you.
I know my friend who went through all this got the same flack by a lot of people. People freaked at her because she didn't wear skirts, make up, and didn't do everything girly-girly stereotyped. Then, on top of that, she would do king shows and people didn't think she was "really" a woman (or transsexual), etc. Which is stupid, but that's how people are. I hold her in high regard because she's probably shown me more about individuality and what being a woman means more than people constantly telling me the stereotype of what it means to be a woman. A real woman isn't a stereotype, it's who you are. I know I'm a woman, and that is all that matters, no matter how I dress or what character I play for a fund raiser.
Still, people don't get it. Some do. It intrigues me that FtM's seem to understand it with no problem, but trying to explain it to other MtF's has been a challenge. I had a couple of my FtM friends do drag as a woman, believe it or not, so they've been there. And they know that they are men, and everyone else knows that they are men, and every understand that they are putting on a character, and a character isn't who you are. If that were true, than that would been that Jonny Depp is really a pirate -- but we know that Capitan Jack Sparrow is a Character, and Jonny Depp is the real person. I just don't get why some people have such a hard time with that concept.
In fact, my non-trans friends, whom I have plenty of, think it's a cool idea, too. My female friends especially think it would be fun, and it doesn't even cross their minds that I'm even considering going backwards, or that I'm not a "real" woman. But it just seems to bother MtF's the most... I don't get it. I just don't. That's the only group I'd have to say who's freaked out by the idea and doesn't seem to get it. I don't get it why they think like that. I don't get why I'm all of a sudden being attacked even just for considering the idea. Why are so many MtF's territorial and competitive? I don't get it. Yet, I get along fine with my female friends who get it, and my FtM friends who get it. Well, at least I have some people cheering for me.
Now, the only think I need to come up with is a drag king name. Jonny Rebel or something like that. LOL *squee* This should be fun as I colour outside the lines once again. Hopefully, others will get something out of this and realize that there's more to being a woman than the outside appearance.
*** Sorry for the rant everyone, I just needed to get this off my chest! ***
--Natalie >
