Heyo!
This thread is, so long as I not lose track of myself and accidentally make another one, intended to serve as my log for the progress of my journey through HRT and, with it, transitioning! :)
So I'm technically on what will be day 12. Almost two weeks in. Realistically, there's not much to report. I don't feel much different. As I likely shouldn't as it takes time for things to progress and build up before they rise up to the surface. I noticed that I felt different psychologically than I usually did when I wasn't anxious but that's more of a thing of me coming to terms and accepting myself, loving myself for who I am and being excited to move forward. Today was slightly weird, though. I could've swore my chest was...not pointier but more outy than usual, if that makes sense. Can that be something I would notice so early or is that just wishful thinking on my part? My skin on my chest and around my nipples felt a little softer, too; my nipples felt just a tiiiiny bit more responsive than usual, but this all could've been anything. I dunno. I'm suuuuper excited for where this will take me. :)
Hi Renee,
12 days in... I really doubt any physical changes have happened yet. For me, I found some changes in sense of smell and emotion in the first 4-6 weeks. Pointy, erect nipples are very common early on too.
At about 3 months, you might start to see the very beginnings of breast buds, darkening of the lips, and softer skin.
Good luck, and be patient - it's a long journey.
Quote from: Claire_Sydney on January 16, 2018, 06:45:41 AM
Hi Renee,
12 days in... I really doubt any physical changes have happened yet. For me, I found some changes in sense of smell and emotion in the first 4-6 weeks. Pointy, erect nipples are very common early on too.
At about 3 months, you might start to see the very beginnings of breast buds, darkening of the lips, and softer skin.
Good luck, and be patient - it's a long journey.
You see, that's what I thought. Awesome. Thank you for confirming that for me. :)
I had to start wearing a sports bra after 6 weeks because the girls were sensitive and starting to bud noticeably. It is possible your girls are budding too.
Congrats Renee for getting onto the roller coaster. The ride has just begun so make sure you have the seat belt fastened.
Things should begin to perk up soon and all you'll need to do is look down to see what direction you are going.
Hugs,
Laurie
Positive update!
Today I had my appointment with a new opthalmologist. I was really dreading going in because all my past opthalmologists put me on topical medication indefinitely and it never effectively made the uveitis quiet for any more than maybe 2 weeks. But this guy is taking a different approach. Which is reallllly exciting to me because I've been dealing with chronic uveitis since I was about 15 (so constantly for almost 5 years now). Aaaaand no new medications for me yet! I'm going to see him again in a month so I can go to his primary office and get a more all-encompassing baseline test panel and decide the best way by which to proceed with treatment effectively. The goal overall is to quiet the inflammation and make it stay quiet forever, if not just long enough to get cataract surgery. But I get another month before any new medications come into play and potentially interfere with HRT! YAAAAAAAY!!
Alrighty, so I am three weeks in. Not really thaaaat much to comment on, but a little bit. My nipples are very sensitive now and often sore to the touch, my right much more so than my left. Which is super exciting to me. I'm trying to just let time pass and not obsess about it so that I'm not making mountains out of mole hills (heheh) and imagining changes before they're actually present. But even if it's gearing up to actually make headway, my chest is definitely doing something. I'm reallllllly happy about this. :)
Quote from: ImSomething on January 25, 2018, 01:45:55 PM
Alrighty, so I am three weeks in. Not really thaaaat much to comment on, but a little bit. My nipples are very sensitive now and often sore to the touch, my right much more so than my left. Which is super exciting to me. I'm trying to just let time pass and not obsess about it so that I'm not making mountains out of mole hills (heheh) and imagining changes before they're actually present. But even if it's gearing up to actually make headway, my chest is definitely doing something. I'm reallllllly happy about this. :)
Good for you Renee'. I'm 2 days ahead of you with the HRT and I still get amazed at the soreness and puffiness.
Heyo everybody,
So anxiety is kind of hitting me hard today and I think I'm getting self-conscious and suppressing thoughts and everything. It happens to me on and off and so I figured I'd post on here to try and keep my head above water for a little bit.
So changes are definitely happening, which is exciting! I'm almost around a month in and there's definitely the beginnings some breast development! My breasts are sore to the touch, it definitely feels hard underneath the nipples, and yeah. Exciting! Also, my skin seems to have changed a little bit. It gets dry much more easily and I think it's softer. I feel like I have a much more chaotic libido at the moment, with moments of absolutely none and moments of my old sex drive level taking prominence.
So yeah! That's kind of how things are going at the moment. :)
Quote from: ImSomething on February 02, 2018, 06:15:05 PM
Heyo everybody,
So anxiety is kind of hitting me hard today and I think I'm getting self-conscious and suppressing thoughts and everything. It happens to me on and off and so I figured I'd post on here to try and keep my head above water for a little bit.
So changes are definitely happening, which is exciting! I'm almost around a month in and there's definitely the beginnings some breast development! My breasts are sore to the touch, it definitely feels hard underneath the nipples, and yeah. Exciting! Also, my skin seems to have changed a little bit. It gets dry much more easily and I think it's softer. I feel like I have a much more chaotic libido at the moment, with moments of absolutely none and moments of my old sex drive level taking prominence.
So yeah! That's kind of how things are going at the moment. :)
Go for it girl, I started on the 3rd - Yabba Dabba Boobs :)
Quote from: ImSomething on January 16, 2018, 02:21:56 AM
Heyo!
This thread is, so long as I not lose track of myself and accidentally make another one, intended to serve as my log for the progress of my journey through HRT and, with it, transitioning! :)
You can actually book mark threads, so that you can find them again easily.
Hi Renee,
Yep it sounds like s things are progressing right along. And yes sometimes things can seen a bit chaotic. ups and down emotions going this way then that. Hold on tight the ride still has a long way to go.
Hugs,
Laurie
So I'm super confused at the moment.
I don't know what it is, but right now I'm feeling super uncomfortable with this development. Like, there's an aspect of me that likes this but there's another aspect of me where I look down and feel almost instant fear. Could it be my anxiety? Recently I've been fighting with myself in my head because I'm DEATHLY afraid of being judged by people. I tend to be a people pleaser and almost never a self pleaser. All along this process over the past year, I've been juggling not only what I want, but also what my mind tells me that everyone else wants. And it's super painful, because as soon as I start to think that I will be judged by someone--anyone for being myself, I shut down and suppress. Heavily.
But I don't know what this feeling is right now. I'm just confused and every time I look down excitedly I end up looking away in panic. This is what I wanted. And to an extent, this is still what I want. I can't see what's making me feel so weird about this. Could it be me suppressing? If I remember correctly, this bad feeling I get concerning my medical transition has been getting steadily worse. When I started this process, it wasn't there. When I started to feel the effects and notice some changes, I don't remember feeling weird at all. Over time, I would notice pain from my breasts and all of a sudden there was a twinge of distaste. And then I can't remember. I don't know. I don't get it. I'm so confused. I still get excited for what's going on with my body changing and then my mind shuts it down. It's like I'm having a battle with my trans self versus my fearful self. I'm just...I don't know. This has me in a panic. I find that I'm switching from excited to panicked and back even as I type some of these sentences.
Any advice anyone can give would be appreciated.
So I'm starting to think more and more that my panic is a result of fear. The severity of my anxiety and panic concerning the changes in my body forced me to do some soul-searching immediately and I found I do still have the desire to medically transition. I just also have this fear response. I have a similar excitement and fear dynamic with other things. Like wearing makeup. I reallllly want to wear makeup, particularly because it makes me feel more feminine. I often get really excited at the prospect of finally wearing makeup, but then I remember what society expects of me based on my gender assigned at birth and that other people exist around me and I'm suddenly very afraid. I experience this kind of fear dynamic even outside of wanting to transition, like with performing music on my own, so I know this is a problem I have. The other thing is I might have some suppressed homophobia that I took on as a coping mechanism all those years ago that's still buried beneath my fear and feelings. There's an LGBT group on campus that I've talked with my counselor about for months and I've been meaning to go find them, but for whatever reason I'm hesitant and kind of fearful.
It will become more difficult emotionally as you approach the day where you first appear in public as yourself. The worst day will be the first time you walk out the door but things will change after that. You will discover that for the most part, people won't pay any attention to how you appear and you will be able to roam in public even freer than you currently do. This is almost completely in our head and the best way to deal with it is head on. Campus groups are a good idea because you might find somebody else who can accompany you on your first few trips out the door giving you support and/or distraction as needed. We all have fear like this however it's short lived if you are willing to face up to it.
Quote from: Dena on February 10, 2018, 09:44:48 AM
It will become more difficult emotionally as you approach the day where you first appear in public as yourself. The worst day will be the first time you walk out the door but things will change after that. You will discover that for the most part, people won't pay any attention to how you appear and you will be able to roam in public even freer than you currently do. This is almost completely in our head and the best way to deal with it is head on. Campus groups are a good idea because you might find somebody else who can accompany you on your first few trips out the door giving you support and/or distraction as needed. We all have fear like this however it's short lived if you are willing to face up to it.
Thank you for chiming in. Your words have resonated with my feelings thus far. :)
On another odd note, I seem to be getting reallllly sleepy all of a sudden? I'm definitely a girl used to sleeping as little as possible, now I'm napping on a consistent basis at least twice a day or more. This is so weird for me. Last semester I got usually about 6-7 hours of sleep a night and I took a fair amount of naps but that was usually to balance out the nights I got more like 4 hours of sleep. Now, I'm getting usually the same amount of sleep and I just woke up from a 4-hour nap. Could HRT be doing this to me? Because this started to develop a week or so ago and this is has never been a problem for me before.
Could be HRT but it also could be due to having a lot of things on your mind. I don't sleep as well when I have thinking to do but if my life is relatively calm, I can sleep for 7 or 8 hours throughout the night. If I don't get enough sleep, I might take a nap ranging from half an hour to a couple of hours. Without Testosterone in your body, you might not be as exhausted at night so your not getting enough sleep. I would recommend a consistent bed time early enough that you have time to get 7-8 hours of sleep instead of turning in when you reach the point of exhaustion.
So I'm pretty sure my sleep changes are related to my depression. They started to get better and then I injured the back of my throat, my depression took a nose dive, and I started sleeping more again. Now I have a little better grasp as to what's going on with my throat and I'm not sleeping a lot right now; however, now I need to let my throat actually recover. I'm not noticing any new changes in terms of development yet. I think I'm still losing weight at a steady rate, though, so that's cool! When I went in for my HRT consultation, I came in at 5'6", 186lbs. I'm losing weight pretty steadily but still somewhat slowly. So I'm still happy about that. Little victories.
Before HRT I could and did sleep 12 - 16 hours a day. Now I can push that closer to 20 if I try. I'm like Ralph when it comes to sleeping, a true Viking.
Quote from: PollyQMcLovely on February 15, 2018, 10:55:40 PM
Before HRT I could and did sleep 12 - 16 hours a day. Now I can push that closer to 20 if I try. I'm like Ralph when it comes to sleeping, a true Viking.
With or without an IV?
Heyo guys. So I've been in not just an emotional rut, an emotional abyss recently and I was starting to fall behind in school. My depression kind of overtook me. But I somehow managed to keep myself taking my medication through my hard time. And now I've come out of the tunnel vision a little bit so I can report thaaaaaaaat...not much is going on.
Breast development is finally starting to pick up again on the days that I actually get a nice amount of sleep, it seems like. I'm sure it's not just those days but they're the only days that I notice it. I have very little of a sex drive at all, which is kind of refreshing. Anything sexual for me right now is primarily out of habit, such as masturbation.
I'm still on and off losing weight, which is awesome. I managed to lose 10 pounds since my HRT consultation and I'm well on my way. Just about 35-40 more to go.
That's abooout all I can think of at the moment!
Sooooo. Ups and downs continue.
This last week has been the worst mental health week I have ever had. I had to withdraw from a class and email two teachers to see if I was failing their classes and, more relevant to this topic, I am currently off of HRT. What happened is my doses came down low and without refills so I called the office to get new prescriptions. They were happy to do so but I couldn't go to the office so I tried to send the prescriptions to the pharmacy in my college town. But the office didn't have that pharmacy location in their system so I gave them the pharmacy phone number so they can get everything set up. A day later, I had no sign that my prescription was refilled so I called the pharmacy. They said they hadn't heard anything from the medical office and I asked them to contact the office for prescriptions. Next day comes, I get a text that my prescriptions have been refilled so I walk down to the pharmacy. I find out the prescriptions at my local pharmacy were (and still currently are) delayed, but I have all new prescriptions and refills...at the pharmacy at the medical office, 2.5hrs from my normal home and 3.5-4hrs from my college. So with my mental health issues as of recent and the mix-up with my prescriptions, my HRT is currently on some sort of hiatus. Which is a shame because my body image was really starting to improve. My weight is down to 170 pounds now (--35 pounds exactly from my current goal weight) and I was starting to feel like I could see very small changes in my facial structure (which, albeit is maybe more unlikely, but the point stands that I was feeling very good about myself).
So yeah. That's just how things are going. I managed to relearn how to function within the confines of my mental health very quickly and now I'm able to start pushing, but it stands that my HRT is kind of screwed up so I need to fix this. Fast.
Quote from: ImSomething on March 11, 2018, 01:46:42 AM
Sooooo. Ups and downs continue.
This last week has been the worst mental health week I have ever had. I had to withdraw from a class and email two teachers to see if I was failing their classes and, more relevant to this topic, I am currently off of HRT. What happened is my doses came down low and without refills so I called the office to get new prescriptions. They were happy to do so but I couldn't go to the office so I tried to send the prescriptions to the pharmacy in my college town. But the office didn't have that pharmacy location in their system so I gave them the pharmacy phone number so they can get everything set up. A day later, I had no sign that my prescription was refilled so I called the pharmacy. They said they hadn't heard anything from the medical office and I asked them to contact the office for prescriptions. Next day comes, I get a text that my prescriptions have been refilled so I walk down to the pharmacy. I find out the prescriptions at my local pharmacy were (and still currently are) delayed, but I have all new prescriptions and refills...at the pharmacy at the medical office, 2.5hrs from my normal home and 3.5-4hrs from my college. So with my mental health issues as of recent and the mix-up with my prescriptions, my HRT is currently on some sort of hiatus. Which is a shame because my body image was really starting to improve. My weight is down to 170 pounds now (--35 pounds exactly from my current goal weight) and I was starting to feel like I could see very small changes in my facial structure (which, albeit is maybe more unlikely, but the point stands that I was feeling very good about myself).
So yeah. That's just how things are going. I managed to relearn how to function within the confines of my mental health very quickly and now I'm able to start pushing, but it stands that my HRT is kind of screwed up so I need to fix this. Fast.
Yes very quick I hope! Sounds like a complete nightmare [emoji29] I was gonna switch to a closer pharmacy to my last apartment before I moved. The person I spoke to at the pharmacy was wrong and said that she sees all my listed medications and spiro (or estradiol, I forget) isn't on there. I told her that has to be wrong. I mean how could she see one and not the other? It was confusing to me so I decided to stay with the pharmacy I trusted 40 minutes away. Now 20 mins
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Quote from: Allison S on March 11, 2018, 05:10:41 AM
Yes very quick I hope! Sounds like a complete nightmare [emoji29] I was gonna switch to a closer pharmacy to my last apartment before I moved. The person I spoke to at the pharmacy was wrong and said that she sees all my listed medications and spiro (or estradiol, I forget) isn't on there. I told her that has to be wrong. I mean how could she see one and not the other? It was confusing to me so I decided to stay with the pharmacy I trusted 40 minutes away. Now 20 mins
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Ew. That also sounds painful. This whole pharmacy thing is getting real annoying to me. I'll likely have been off HRT for a week by the time I finally get my pills back. Which isn't terrible. It's just not what I want. Oh well...
Well! New update! Yesterday I went to Chicago for my appointment and now I'm back on HRT as of today! Wooooooo!!!
Heyo everyone! Just an update for you guys.
A lot of things have changed in general. Most of which has nothing to do with my HRT but effects the way I perceive things in terms of transitioning and all that, stress levels and lack of sleep and all. So I'll do my best to add relevant HRT information since this thread is an HRT/medical transition journal first and foremost.
So I'm very closely approaching the end of the school year. I'm in the final push. And have been for a little while--I've been steadily building into really getting a lot of things done. And although I need sleep and to slow down every once in a while, I do have endless drive at the moment. My body and mind just can't keep up, and so the added stress is complicating how I feel about the things going on with my body. Stress tends to do that to me overall; I get stressed, I try to suppress any trans aspect of my identity. It's weird, but I've come to expect that from myself.
So I've been pushing to complete all this work while trying to keep up on my medication...and then things just get worse. My grandmother ends up in the hospital for two weeks and then passes away. I've had to spend lots of time going back and forth from my school to my hometown and the hospital there. It's made it difficult to keep up with the HRT medication. I'm trying, but there were times that I was skipping doses because I just couldn't make it or do it. Too much going on or I was surrounded by transphobic relatives. But yeah...I looked up to my grandma my entire life. I felt like I related to her more closely than anyone else in my life. Even in terms of a trans identity, although no one else in the family really knew about that in detail like I did. I told a few people what she told me, but it was in confidence with specific people. No one particularly close to her and no one that would judge her. I work very hard to make sure things don't blow up in my face, you see. But...yeah, I felt a connection to her. We both felt like individuals on the fringe, and it seems like a fair portion of the development of those feelings for us, in our own ways, we're rooted in the same feelings of a trans identity, suppressed or otherwise. And now she's gone. I've made my peace in some ways, but I'm not letting myself process other aspects of it. Not until I feel safe. Not until I'm at least beyond this semester.
So yeah, that's just where my life is. Buuuut the HRT is still doing it's job! Some of my friends say they've noticed a big difference in my hair, so that's interesting! I haven't seen it, but I like the thought. They say it's gotten increeedibly thick and very nice. It was already wavey and thick, but they suggest it's gotten MUCH more so recently. I don't know, maybe I'm just taking better care of it, though. :P And boobs! Yes, they're coming along! :D Slowly, but surely. It's to the point that there's firm, obvious (to me) development that is starting to expand more and more. The development on the right is still further along than the left and part of me is pretty certain that's just how it's going to be and that they're probably going to be uneven for the rest of my life. Which kind of sucks, but I dunno. It doesn't bother me as much as not having anything. lol But it's to the point in terms of development that both sides are nearing overall stretching and noticeable growth, I think. Give it a month or two and I don't think I'll be able to hide it anymore and I'll have to buy my first bra maybe! Maybe my time estimates are off...but it's so exciting!!!!
So yeah. That's where things are for me. Update complete.