I just keep thinking about my safety mostly. You hear about what women go through with harrasment and rape. Add on to it being trans in nyc and it's petrifying. I'm also alone right now and I know women, trans or not, can be independent and take care of themselves- but I just feel so vulnerable.
I feel terrible that I'm scared over something I have no proof of. When I go out at night guys catcall and even approach me. I'm not full of myself, I actually have many insecurities. I'm in such a big place by myself. Not to mention finding out my roommates are overcharging me rent to the point I'm paying it all (but they're still behind $7k..). I feel like I can't trust people.
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I can't imagine what it would be like living in NYC. I'd feel uncomfortable there even if I was a cis man. I live in a village of no more than 300, and the nearest "big town" where I go shopping has a population of 4000. So I get it that the big city would freak you out. But my understanding of NYC is that you can be pretty weird and no one will even notice you.
You have to look at your big picture. Would it be worth it to live with the continuing dysphoria just on the chance that something bad might happen to you? In spite of the terrible things that we hear reported on the news, the reality is that most trans women live their lives with nothing more than the odd glance that lasts a little too long.
Have you tried spending a day going about the city as your true self? I did, and it was transformative for me.
Ironically, I was in the city (population 400,000, big for here) for an therapist appointment to discuss my fear of going full-time. Because of winter weather, I went a day early and stayed overnight in a hotel. So I had an evening and a morning to kill before my appointment. Although I checked into my hotel in male mode, I spent the rest of the time in Kathy mode.
In the evening, I went out with some of my support group friends to a nightclub where one of the group members was MC-ing a comedy night. In the morning, I went out for breakfast, wandered around the shopping district, bought a few items, had lunch in a nice little coffee shop, all presenting as Kathy.
By the time of my appointment, I was feeling pretty good. I ended up being a bit unfocused about my fears, because they were in the process of evaporating. My therapist suggested a few more appointments to discuss the fear, but, by the time I drove home, I realized that I didn't need them.
That day of freedom cured me! YMMV. I can't promise you similar results, but if you haven't tried spending a day out in public, I would strongly recommend it.
First, you need to change roommates. If they are not trustworthy, it's not good living arrangement.
Second, some neighborhoods in NYC might be dominated by some ethnicity that isn't very friendly towards trans people. The good part is that you can move to another neighborhood not too far away to get a different experience.
I'd say, look for a better place to live. Check out with a local trans-support group if you attend any for area recommendations and leads.
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Here is a list of NYC support groups. It is so much easier when you have others around you that appreciate what you are going through. They give you strength and the assurance you are not alone. Luckily it appears that NYC is well stocked with support groups. Of course we are here to listen and help when possible. It's a big decision to come out in public and it takes a while to feel comfortable. Hope all turns around for you.
https://www1.nyc.gov/site/doh/health/health-topics/transgender-support.page
Hugs
I second that... if your name isn't on the lease, you need to leave them there and find trustworthy roommates. If your name is on the lease, get rid of them and find real roommates. I have been through NYC a few times... I have found a few areas where I wouldn't want to go as a man. So I'd look into some new areas with friendlier people. As stated previously, the local trans community groups could steer you in the right direction.
I understand your insecurities and the fear of the unknown. Unfortunately NYC isn't all that gun friendly, or I'd suggest a concealed carry. It never has to come out, but gives me a little less anxiety walking solo in the big cities. I am a motorcyclist and make cross country trips somewhat frequently, I always carry for my own piece of mind.
As far as going "full time", don't let your circumstances stifle your happiness. If going full time is what you really want, then you need to find a place that you feel comfortable doing it. You're going to have depression, dysphoria, and some resentment build by staying in a place that supresses your need to be yourself. The best way that I have found to delay/mitigate the negative emotions is to get yourself a plan together, and follow it. This too shall pass... The more time you have getting comfortable "full time" the more natural things will become and the less anxiety you'll have in difficult places in the country. The more confidence you get, the less you'll come up on people's radars.
Hi, as others said find trans support groups, there are many in NYC. Make friends and discuss living arrangements. Find a secure place to live.
When you have supportive trans friend and make a support network expressing will be easier.
I have friends in philly that lived in a bad areas. They moved to safer and more accepting places. There will always be the guy that thinks being trans is a sexual thing and says things.
I second everything above. My son lives in midtown Manhatten on the east side (2nd Ave) and I visited over the holidays. We walked around, I walked around and had zero issues.
Stay out of places you would stay out as a guy.
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When you're on your deathbed you see the person you should have been, the person you could have been. That person you could and should see is a woman who chose life over death, granted being fulltime is dangerous and terrifying, it is more terrifying to see your fear of others hold back the life of the woman you are and should be. If that made any <expletive deleted> sense.
<Moderator edited unacceptable language>
Wow! You've all given me a lot to think about. I do think going to a support group would be a good step. If only to feel I'm not all alone- since being trans is not common. I think it's frustrating that it's not as embraced as being LGB yet, especially for male to female transitioners.
We have it so hard to fit this "ideal" feminine/female image yet we (most of us) barely get any help we need. It's such an unrealisitic almost immediate expectation.
I feel like I want to embrace my inbetween stage even more than ever because I'm almost full dose of hrt already. With surgeries in the future this will all be a distant memory. Yet I have so much more respect, compassion and love for myself for going through this awkward stage.
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What Stella said is very true, to be who you are truly is living your life to the fullest with out regret, one of my friends said no matter if I call you your birth name or Natalie I will always love you and be there for you that is a true friend, yes it is very important to stay safe though but life is also full of risks. There are some parts of every city that is scary and crept me out even as male. You just have to be extra careful but in life anything can happen and you can't live in a bubble to fully protect you just make your self safe as possible
Quote from: Allison S on January 23, 2018, 04:53:34 AM
Wow! You've all given me a lot to think about. I do think going to a support group would be a good step. If only to feel I'm not all alone- since being trans is not common. I think it's frustrating that it's not as embraced as being LGB yet, especially for male to female transitioners.
We have it so hard to fit this "ideal" feminine/female image yet we (most of us) barely get any help we need. It's such an unrealisitic almost immediate expectation.
I feel like I want to embrace my inbetween stage even more than ever because I'm almost full dose of hrt already. With surgeries in the future this will all be a distant memory. Yet I have so much more respect, compassion and love for myself for going through this awkward stage.
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It's going to be the most difficult thing you've ever gone through, even after almost 3 years of HRT and going full time and the awkward transitioning at work phase, I still feel so much of a struggle and granted things get easier as you get used to it, there will always be days you feel like you're the runaway freak show from a circus. My best advice is to learn to love yourself which you hear all the time, and indeed it is a great struggle but honestly nobody else will and you'll find that as you lose friends/family and even get scathed by what you thought were supportive members of the LGBT community, it will all lead you down a dark path if you're not prepared for it. The beauty doesn't lie in the HRT or the makeup or "passing" it comes when you finally realize you only have to impress the woman that will meet you when you're ready to leave this world, and that woman is you. "Why didn't you love me, understand me and embrace me?" She will ask.
I sound like I am preaching but no words, actions or anything the world has to offer will overpower the dyspohria you will always have inside telling you that you're never pretty enough and never "woman" enough, yet stop and realize this world is full of hate and the approval of said hateful people is meaningless and all women trans or not have to break free of this objectification telling us whether we're beautiful or not. The only guarantee in life is that we will most likely die alone with only our hearts and experience to take away from this place.
You're transgender for a reason you and we are born into this world as women literally in "difficult mode." Find solace in that we have an understanding of womanhood that seldom women ever have or will, and if you can love the woman you are now then you can love any kind of woman you'll be in the next life and appreciate it and embrace to a degree no cisgender woman can. Remind yourself that life is a place to learn more about yourself and in turn, the universe learns more about itself.
If I somehow could, I would give Stella Sophia reply #10, +100 reputation.
That the sweetest thing I've ever read. Brought tears to my eyes...
Stella, that was awesome. I agree with you 100%. It was only about a week or so ago that I finally understood I don't have to be beautiful on the outside to transition, I just need to be me. Of course I will still try to be as pretty as I can, but that is no longer something holding me back. I know what has been hiding beneath this male shell has grown into someone beautiful. She will be coming into the light soon, and it will be the most wonderful day of my life.
Quote from: Stella Sophia on January 24, 2018, 02:36:39 AM
It's going to be the most difficult thing you've ever gone through, even after almost 3 years of HRT and going full time and the awkward transitioning at work phase, I still feel so much of a struggle and granted things get easier as you get used to it, there will always be days you feel like you're the runaway freak show from a circus. My best advice is to learn to love yourself which you hear all the time, and indeed it is a great struggle but honestly nobody else will and you'll find that as you lose friends/family and even get scathed by what you thought were supportive members of the LGBT community, it will all lead you down a dark path if you're not prepared for it. The beauty doesn't lie in the HRT or the makeup or "passing" it comes when you finally realize you only have to impress the woman that will meet you when you're ready to leave this world, and that woman is you. "Why didn't you love me, understand me and embrace me?" She will ask.
I sound like I am preaching but no words, actions or anything the world has to offer will overpower the dyspohria you will always have inside telling you that you're never pretty enough and never "woman" enough, yet stop and realize this world is full of hate and the approval of said hateful people is meaningless and all women trans or not have to break free of this objectification telling us whether we're beautiful or not. The only guarantee in life is that we will most likely die alone with only our hearts and experience to take away from this place.
You're transgender for a reason you and we are born into this world as women literally in "difficult mode." Find solace in that we have an understanding of womanhood that seldom women ever have or will, and if you can love the woman you are now then you can love any kind of woman you'll be in the next life and appreciate it and embrace to a degree no cisgender woman can. Remind yourself that life is a place to learn more about yourself and in turn, the universe learns more about itself.
Thank you. I've come to a point that I have no choice. There's really no place I can escape to in peace. One way or another I have to face the general public. My social anxiety is at it's worst and if it wasn't for my therapy appointment today I wouldn't know where to turn to.. I guess I'd try the hospital. I don't know what keeps me here. It's not the will to live.. I don't know anymore
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Hi Allison,
As someone that has just been given a reprieve from wanting to die I feel I can say that there is a light in your future if you are willing to look for it. You are going to therapy today and I hope you will or have asked for help this issue. I did and though my life issues have not been resolved I can say my seeking death has been at the very least been put on hold thaks to agreeing to try medication. It has helped. It is working . And perhaps now we can work on those issues the drove me to plan my demise. Yes it got that far. I have a plan and was only waiting for the right time. But now that may not be necessary. I'm giving my friends and therapist more time to help me. I hope you will too. But hon please know you are not alone with your problems if you will just listen to those who want to help.
Hugs,
Laurie
Quote from: Laurie on January 24, 2018, 02:08:02 PM
Hi Allison,
As someone that has just been given a reprieve from wanting to die I feel I can say that there is a light in your future if you are willing to look for it. You are going to therapy today and I hope you will or have asked for help this issue. I did and though my life issues have not been resolved I can say my seeking death has been at the very least been put on hold thaks to agreeing to try medication. It has helped. It is working . And perhaps now we can work on those issues the drove me to plan my demise. Yes it got that far. I have a plan and was only waiting for the right time. But now that may not be necessary. I'm giving my friends and therapist more time to help me. I hope you will too. But hon please know you are not alone with your problems if you will just listen to those who want to help.
Hugs,
Laurie
Laurie, I don't know what your life issues are or could be. I know that it must be extremely painful to reach the point you have. Thinking of ending my life is something I struggle with constantly and have all my life. It started out as feeling as though I was carrying the weight of the world on my back and I wanted it to stop so badly.. Hearing you speak about the help you've found is so important. Maybe there is hope for me too as you said.
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Quote from: Allison S on January 26, 2018, 07:48:14 AM
Laurie, I don't know what your life issues are or could be. I know that it must be extremely painful to reach the point you have. Thinking of ending my life is something I struggle with constantly and have all my life. It started out as feeling as though I was carrying the weight of the world on my back and I wanted it to stop so badly.. Hearing you speak about the help you've found is so important. Maybe there is hope for me too as you said.
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I certainly hope that you too find that hope. I believe that there is hope for you.
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Quote from: Stella Sophia on January 24, 2018, 02:36:39 AM
life is a place to learn more about yourself and in turn, the universe learns more about itself.
You are wise little sister...
Onward,we go!!!
Ashley 😀❤️🌻
Allison ...My Dear Little Sister...
You can make this world and your life exactly what you want it to be!... You've read the thread I wrote about fear...
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,230730.0.html
I think you are allowing fear to be the loudest voice in the room when the voices that speak about hope and amazing possibilities need to be heard from as well...
I want you to search within yourself and find help if you need help... You are far from alone in this little sister... I suspect that like many... you will reach a point where you are tired of hiding and being scared....moving forward and living the truth of who you are inside will be easier than spending another moment denying yourself a life that is truly your own...
When I was your age... I always viewed life like a series of events that happen to us but,... it is not that... it is what we make it to be... we decide at very deep levels within ourself how we react... the life we will live...
Transforming a life is a big and wonderful thing... think big to make big things happen... if you recognize that you will never feel safe where you are... make a plan to move somewhere you would feel more comfortable... keep moving forward towards your goal each day... you know you have all of us here to help when it is hard and ready to celebrate your victories in the days, months and years to come... All will be well when you decide that all will be well...
Onward we go brave sister!!!
Ashley 😀❤️🌻
Yes I'm moving to the upper west side for a few months. After that who knows- but I do feel safer there and the street is quieter. I've always loved the neighborhood so finding a room that costs the same as what I'm paying now is a no brainer...
People are starting to stare and it's something I'll just have to get used to I guess. I never liked being the center of attention and I don't want to be. I just want to go to the bank without guys staring dead at me, I look away and look back and still... especially much older men! Maybe it's my fault for moving to the city.
I do feel a little better about myself. I'm also very emotionally fragile..I was already super sensitive before even starting hrt. I feel like a big part of my problem is the apartment I'm living in now and once I move- hopefully this weekend- things will start to look up again.
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Allison,
Many of the things you stress about now, like the unwanted attention, will fade. Keep going, stay positive, build your life the way you want it. It will get easier. You will get there. Don't give in to negative thoughts. Every trans person who seems very together now went through a lot of things on their way to getting to that point. You will build strength as you go.
Moni
Yes you're right.. It's hard to see now but I'll try to have more hope. I'm focusing on moisturizing my skin, my teeth and nails. I'm also taking walks, listening to music, and trying new veggie juices.. I really do try not to stress too much. I have all my beautiful sisters Ashley, Moni, Laurie, Denise, Kathy, Natalie, Stella, Harley, Dawn, elkie, mendi, Rachel, Jessica-Rose, ... just to name a few here... and yes I did go through my whole post and read every word you've all given me. [emoji173] It means a lot to me
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Good news I finally moved! I feel like such a huge weight's been lifted... I'm on leave from work and I can finally focus on what I need to do so I can go back... I'm thinking I may want to find a new job altogether. I'm starting to forget that my job is part of the reason I'm on leave in the first place... I need a breather from everything. It's like it all hit me at once to test me and I'm so exhausted.
I still haven't moved everything out since I paid until the 31st. I'll go back and get the rest of my clothes later today when I finish doing laundry. Then I'll try to sell the cute purple stools I got 3 months ago. I can probably buy cleaning supplies with that money so I can spruce up the new place. It's a lot of work but it's finally what I need to do. Feels very different than things I just have to do.
I'm in a completely different neighbhorhood and it's much nicer. I feel like an imposter almost- one that somehow infiltrated the rich, nice area. I pay my rent and I worked hard for that money. So I do know I deserve and have earned being here. I'm not stopping here either in a few more months I want my very own first apartment. Yes, I set the bar high with that one lol.
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Quote from: Allison S on January 28, 2018, 09:11:24 AM
Good news I finally moved! I feel like such a huge weight's been lifted... I'm on leave from work and I can finally focus on what I need to do so I can go back... I'm thinking I may want to find a new job altogether. I'm starting to forget that my job is part of the reason I'm on leave in the first place... I need a breather from everything. It's like it all hit me at once to test me and I'm so exhausted.
I still haven't moved everything out since I paid until the 31st. I'll go back and get the rest of my clothes later today when I finish doing laundry. Then I'll try to sell the cute purple stools I got 3 months ago. I can probably buy cleaning supplies with that money so I can spruce up the new place. It's a lot of work but it's finally what I need to do. Feels very different than things I just have to do.
I'm in a completely different neighbhorhood and it's much nicer. I feel like an imposter almost- one that somehow infiltrated the rich, nice area. I pay my rent and I worked hard for that money. So I do know I deserve and have earned being here. I'm not stopping here either in a few more months I want my very own first apartment. Yes, I set the bar high with that one lol.
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Hi Allison,
Congratulations on moving. You are not just moving where you live, you are moving on with your life. It is almost a new beginning. You get to change things to make them better. I have faith in you that you will.
Hugs
Laurie
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Quote from: Allison S on January 28, 2018, 09:11:24 AM
Good news I finally moved! I feel like such a huge weight's been lifted...
I pay my rent and I worked hard for that money. So I do know I deserve and have earned being here. I'm not stopping here either in a few more months I want my very own first apartment. Yes, I set the bar high with that one lol.
Allison!!!!
Now that's what I am talkin' 'bout Little Sister!!! 😀!!!!
Forward momentum takes us where we need to go!... The weight was lifted because YOU made it happen girl!!!... You have shaped your world in meaningful ways and you will continue to shape it in the manner you see fit!!!... Keep the flame of Hope alive in your heart, keep putting one foot in front of the other and set off in the direction you choose with your life... All will be well...
I'm proud of you!!!
Onward we go brave little sister!!!
Ashley 😀💗🌻
Allison,
Living in a nice, safe, friendly neighborhood that is convenient for you and affordable is what I think most people want. I hope this new situation work out well for you. I am happy for you.
Plus I hope that you get to sell your stools, or better yet, keep them if you want to and that you can get some cleaning supplies at a low price.
Chrissy
Quote from: Laurie on January 28, 2018, 09:28:48 AM
Hi Allison,
Congratulations on moving. You are not just moving where you live, you are moving on with your life. It is almost a new beginning. You get to change things to make them better. I have faith in you that you will.
Hugs
Laurie
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Thanks Laurie. I think moving on is so understated but very important.. wish I did sooner.
Quote from: tgirlamc on January 28, 2018, 10:52:56 AM
Allison!!!!
Now that's what I am talkin' 'bout Little Sister!!! [emoji3]!!!!
Forward momentum takes us where we need to go!... The weight was lifted because YOU made it happen girl!!!... You have shaped your world in meaningful ways and you will continue to shape it in the manner you see fit!!!... Keep the flame of Hope alive in your heart, keep putting one foot in front of the other and set off in the direction you choose with your life... All will be well...
I'm proud of you!!!
Onward we go brave little sister!!!
Ashley [emoji3][emoji175][emoji258]
I was planning on getting my own place but decided I should get a room instead and save money a while longer. Thanks so much Ashley! [emoji4]
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on January 28, 2018, 11:08:21 AM
Allison,
Living in a nice, safe, friendly neighborhood that is convenient for you and affordable is what I think most people want. I hope this new situation work out well for you. I am happy for you.
Plus I hope that you get to sell your stools, or better yet, keep them if you want to and that you can get some cleaning supplies at a low price.
Chrissy
Thanks Chrissy!! It's so important. I learned this lesson the hard way with the last place I lived in.
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I just want to add a little update. I'm not sure if I'm full time yet but since a couple weeks ago, day by day little by little I've been adding more makeup when I go out. Mostly just lipgloss and mascara for ease of things. I wear leggings because they're comfy. I don't get sir anymore. Some guy mumbled "have a good one man" but it was very under his breath and like he didn't mean to say it? I don't get called miss yet because my hair is still short and by all measures I'm probably more so a feminine andro / non gender to others type.
I feel like I'm wanting to get a "miss" from someone like I would a trophy... it's yet to happen and honestly, again, it's the hair length. It has to be! Maybe the beard shadow too?
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Quote from: Allison S on February 28, 2018, 08:44:33 PM
I just want to add a little update. I'm not sure if I'm full time yet but since a couple weeks ago, day by day little by little I've been adding more makeup when I go out. Mostly just lipgloss and mascara for ease of things. I wear leggings because they're comfy. I don't get sir anymore. Some guy mumbled "have a good one man" but it was very under his breath and like he didn't mean to say it? I don't get called miss yet because my hair is still short and by all measures I'm probably more so a feminine andro / non gender to others type.
I feel like I'm wanting to get a "miss" from someone like I would a trophy... it's yet to happen and honestly, again, it's the hair length. It has to be! Maybe the beard shadow too?
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Congrats on being more yourself when you go out. Only you can decide when it counts as full-time, but it sounds like you are close to it or already there.
I have never been "miss"ed, but that's because of my age. I do get "ma'am"ed, though. And I love it when my wife and I get addressed as "ladies" in a store or restaurant. You will get it soon enough!
As your makeup and presentation skills improve, you will be perceived as more feminine than androgynous. Make sure you tell us when you get your first "miss", so we can all go squeee!!! together.
good for you Allison. There's nothing more liberating than being yourself.
If I think about it, I've been 'full-time' for quite a while now. Although I wear all feminine attire + make-up, I don't 'feel' like I'm presenting female, nor do I expect to be ma'am'd or miss'd. I still feel like me only more comfortable.
keep moving forward :)
I think I'm a little late on this, but I also think it's important to say:
I've heard from a lot of people, "oh you're so strong for doing this," or "you're so courageous" but what they don't understand is that its not a choice that you can make. I don't choose to be strong, it happened along the way.
I think as you find your place and your people, it won't be as scary being fulltime. It will still be scary, don't mistake me, but hopefully just a couple of notches lower on the fear scale.
Yeah, honestly I just don't care anymore. I want to wear what I want and do what I want. It's what I should've done at 15 or 16 but I was too dependent at the time.
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Good for you, as hard as it is (at least for some people) not caring about what others think when it's what you need is a really good thing to be able to do.
Quote from: Allison S on March 02, 2018, 05:16:58 PM
Yeah, honestly I just don't care anymore. I want to wear what I want and do what I want. It's what I should've done at 15 or 16 but I was too dependent at the time.
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File this under.. "Things said by happy successful women at the beginning of their journey"
Love Ya Lil' Sister!... I knew from day one you were going to come to own this!!!
Onward we go brave girl
Ashley 😀❤️🌻
Thanks everyone [emoji4]
I think I got a "miss" from the distance today even with my hair being short. I'm not sure though because he could've been talking to anyone since it was on the subway... he asked me for a cigarette. Another guy shouted "yo!" later and I just ignore that. Call me Miss or don't call me at all! I mean for guys that are strangers lol
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You have to start going full time at some point unless you don't want to. It sounds like you are so you have to start and put on a brave face and face the world. We all have a strength inside of us to do it. We have all treaded where you have. Different places and circumstances all of us started where you are did it our way. I was scared too for at least a couple months then it started not to phase me and was my new normal. It was me!!!! It felt so great to go out dressed as myself to be recognized as that too!!! Just take it step at a time and gain your confidence. You can't always immediately jump off the cliff.
Quote from: Allison S on March 02, 2018, 05:16:58 PM
Yeah, honestly I just don't care anymore. I want to wear what I want and do what I want. It's what I should've done at 15 or 16 but I was too dependent at the time.
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Hi, Allison,
After reading your topic, it looks like you may have accidentally slipped into full time without realizing it.
And don't worry about the short hair, my wife (a middle school teacher) kept hers much shorter than mine so she could grab quick showers and get on with her days - and my sister still does! Neither care for the hassle of conditioning, brushing, styling...
Susan
I think so Susan! I mean today I wore skinny grey jeans, a tshirt, tennis shoes and no makeup. I still felt like myself. My face is a bit puffy from my laser session yesterday but otherwise I'm a girl.
I just envy people with long hair. I always did keep it short myself, but that desire to want something "right now" is really strong. It's gotten better recently (I'm more patient) but since my face is so puffy from laser it just seems so much more necessary.
But it all just confirms I don't want to look masculine. I know what makes me feel good when I look in the mirror. I'm going to ask my dr about an orchi on my visit this month.
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Hope you don't mind me saying this Allison, but I have seen you grow so much in the time I have seen you on the site. I think you are more and more gaining confidence. It is wonderful to see. You got this Girl!
Moni
Quote from: HappyMoni on March 03, 2018, 02:27:35 PM
Hope you don't mind me saying this Allison, but I have seen you grow so much in the time I have seen you on the site. I think you are more and more gaining confidence. It is wonderful to see. You got this Girl!
Moni
Aw thanks! I hope so. I have my ups and (serious) downs still of course.
I have a list of surgeries I need which are rhinoplasty, forehead/brow bossing reduction and orchiectomy.
I don't think I'm the most beautiful woman there is. But I am a woman. I'm not the most feminine since, well, I did start off as a boy.
Being here has helped me a lot. I think my emotions are more stable now (5 months) and obviously my personal problems not being as bad helps.
I've been off work for almost 6 weeks which has nothing to do with my transitioning yet I think helps it the most. Everyday I wake up and I want to go out as myself. I always want to do something.
I'm a bit alone right now and I see couples walking around everywhere. I just think they're cute more so than feel envy.
I still have a long way to go. To be honest I'm counting down the months hoping things get better.
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Quote from: Allison S on March 02, 2018, 11:44:29 PM
Thanks everyone [emoji4]
I think I got a "miss" from the distance today even with my hair being short. I'm not sure though because he could've been talking to anyone since it was on the subway... he asked me for a cigarette. Another guy shouted "yo!" later and I just ignore that. Call me Miss or don't call me at all! I mean for guys that are strangers lol
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Congratulations, Allison on the miss. Just wait next it will be cat calls. I think you look amazing and by the way the first post you made with the cat suit I knew you would look great I figured you where full time than. I am glad you have more confidences. You are going to look amazing
Quote from: natalie.ashlyne on March 04, 2018, 12:42:35 AM
Congratulations, Allison on the miss. Just wait next it will be cat calls. I think you look amazing and by the way the first post you made with the cat suit I knew you would look great I figured you where full time than. I am glad you have more confidences. You are going to look amazing
Aw thanks hon! The catsuit with the ears? Lol it was on Halloween just after my 1st month on hrt... believe it or not I miss that night. I was super awkward and uncomfortable, but my friend helped me with my makeup and I thought I looked nice.
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Quote from: Allison S on March 04, 2018, 12:52:03 AM
Aw thanks hon! The catsuit with the ears? Lol it was on Halloween just after my 1st month on hrt... believe it or not I miss that night. I was super awkward and uncomfortable, but my friend helped me with my makeup and I thought I looked nice.
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No problem, I really figured you where full time than, you can totally pull it off now :)
Quote from: natalie.ashlyne on March 04, 2018, 01:05:38 AM
No problem, I really figured you where full time than, you can totally pull it off now :)
Oh you're making me blush [emoji4] I was wearing a wig and some guy clocked me for it that night!
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Quote from: Allison S on March 03, 2018, 12:32:59 PM
I think so Susan! I mean today I wore skinny grey jeans, a tshirt, tennis shoes and no makeup. I still felt like myself. My face is a bit puffy from my laser session yesterday but otherwise I'm a girl.
I just envy people with long hair. I always did keep it short myself, but that desire to want something "right now" is really strong. It's gotten better recently (I'm more patient) but since my face is so puffy from laser it just seems so much more necessary.
But it all just confirms I don't want to look masculine. I know what makes me feel good when I look in the mirror. I'm going to ask my dr about an orchi on my visit this month.
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Hair has been a problem for me for years. When I wore it long, I wanted it short; after I cut it I wanted it long again, then short... And now that the gray scalp population far exceeds the brown, I finally surrendered - no more tinting, I'll be proud of my gray and claim I got it from my children. ;) (It also happens to be true!)
Go with what makes you feel good and the feminine and sunlight will shine through.
Susan