Hey all! I'm curious about the rate of total acceptance for us when we come out from our partners?
I would make a poll but I haven't a clue how to do that.
So I'm wondering who has experienced total acceptance?
For me I came out to my GF after 3 years of being together. It was the perfect night to do it after a beautiful dinner and a bottle of fizz I had gotten early in the week for fixing a friend's car. We went to bed early that night. It had been eating me up for the past 3 months to actually say it, and then finally it just popped out. Probably the alcohol gave me the added courage, or stupidity to finally say it. But since I came out it has been total acceptance, it has not faltered in any way. She found my psychiatrist my Endo, herbal hormones while I was waiting. Taught me to do makeup style myself, hair and clothes and everything. Proud to tell people about me if its relevant and stuff. We've been together for 2 years since I came out. It has been even better since. 💕
Total acceptance here.
When I came out to my wife, one of the first things she said to me was "Whatever you decide to do, I will support you." It doesn't get any better than that.
She has been true to her word, and I have had nothing but support. She takes me clothes shopping and gives me fashion advice. She has invited me along on her hair appointments to have her stylist trim the bangs on my wigs. She has never slipped up on my name or pronouns, even while I was still getting used to using them.
I rejoice every time I read a post from someone who has the same level of support that I do.
It truly is amazing. It still dumb founds me to this day.
You are so lucky. My wife don't want to see me anymore and my 10 and 11 children too. I loose almost all my friends. So I am alone now. Also my wife try to make me feel guilty everyday I chat with her. I know I had to do it anyway. But yesterday I felt bad, even thinking if it worth it to come out and be myself. I hope today it will be better day.
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Total acceptance for me also.
I waited 10 years to tell my GF because I was terrified of loosing her. Finally I just could not wait anymore. I also told her about the herbs I had took for 2.5 years. She told me that I need to be happy so lets do it, and that she will support me all the way. I never expected it to go this way but I am happy to say me and her are closer now than we ever was before. I am so lucky to have her and like you say Rachel, its still hard to wrap my head around it. :)
Hugs,
Chelsea
100% support here. Told her about dressing before marriage 26 years ago. It's just slowly progressed to current status (starting transition). She's never wavered.
dizz,
My heart aches for you for what you said in your post. Based on your avatar, you look very pretty. I hope you find a way to make it work out for yourself. I have a little taste of the rejection that you have experienced. That little taste was almost more than I could bare so I can imagine the magnitude of the hurt it has done to you. All I can say is that we, all of us, are here to help you march onward.
Stevi
I am relatively fortunate. My wife took it hard. After a break-in period she, reluctantly supports. She does things for Stevi but she really would rather not any of this was in her life. In the past, when things were going badly for us and I wavered in my resolve, she made comments to me along the lines of "I will not stop you from doing this if it is what you need to do." Sounds supportive but often feels like an "I'll help you do this but I really don't like it and you are making me miserable but don't mind me and my needs." She doesn't convey any sense that she is the least bit happy that I am doing what I need to do.
Last night was a bit of a bad night so I am a bit down this morning and that may be part of the reason my tone is negative. Most of the time, things go well for us. We usually have a good time and life is pretty good. I know she is struggling with a lot of things and this bail of straw has not made life easier for her. She doesn't stop my progress. I am going more slowly than I would like, for her sake, but, I am moving forward. She has difficulty with using my new name and proper pronouns. She tries but I think, by now, she could do better. I understand that she has her outlook on the way things should be. I just have this sense she cannot or doesn't want to let go of the old and embrace the new.
Verdict: 50% supportive
Stevi
Your description is a very good match of our situation, including me trying to slow things down to make getting used to it easier for her.
Down to an odd pronoun situation yesterday: we bumped into a family from our kids Daycare and while talking she referred to me as "she" and immediately corrected herself to "he" while I was standing next to her in a skirt. A bit awkward for me.
I would classify 55% supportive.
Quote from: Stevi on April 29, 2018, 08:32:46 AM
I am relatively fortunate. My wife took it hard. After a break-in period she, reluctantly supports. She does things for Stevi but she really would rather not any of this was in her life. In the past, when things were going badly for us and I wavered in my resolve, she made comments to me along the lines of "I will not stop you from doing this if it is what you need to do." Sounds supportive but often feels like an "I'll help you do this but I really don't like it and you are making me miserable but don't mind me and my needs." She doesn't convey any sense that she is the least bit happy that I am doing what I need to do.
Last night was a bit of a bad night so I am a bit down this morning and that may be part of the reason my tone is negative. Most of the time, things go well for us. We usually have a good time and life is pretty good. I know she is struggling with a lot of things and this bail of straw has not made life easier for her. She doesn't stop my progress. I am going more slowly than I would like, for her sake, but, I am moving forward. She has difficulty with using my new name and proper pronouns. She tries but I think, by now, she could do better. I understand that she has her outlook on the way things should be. I just have this sense she cannot or doesn't want to let go of the old and embrace the new.
Verdict: 50% supportive
Stevi
I met my wife 20 or more years ago, in a goth club. Probably wearing a skirt and corset. At the time I thought I was non-binary. A year ago, I came out to her as tg, and she has been my rock. Except for cheating, or abuse, we always say "no matter what!"
She does not have total understanding, but she gives total support - which wasn't so easy the first few months. She helps me in so many ways, makeup, hair, clothes, mannerisms and considers herself as not a lesbian, but rather "Tommisexual."
We have our, mostly hormone relayed, fights and stuff - but as I hit puberty and she hits menopause, that's to be expected.
I was so scared I would lose her when I came out, but she has been amazing, as we travel this road, together.
I am very appreciative of her, and what we have. My heart aches for all of the people going through this stuff and their family and friends don't find ways to accept them.
I am one lucky lady!
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I came out about 15 years ago. Initially, my wife did not accept it very well.
But nowadays, most people accept me, and my wife is very supportive of me.
When my little daughter asks questions about my wearing skirts and makeup, my wife answers them very well.
As long as I take care of my family well, my wife and friends respect me.
barbie~~
I told my partner after a night of working up the courage by walking downstairs in a dress. I did write a letter, but I'm glad I didn't do it like that. It was the most nerve-racking thing but I am so glad I did it. There were tears on both sides and it took us some time to adjust. She is really supportive of everything and has only one red line which is not the end of the world. She's also very honest when she's finding it difficult which is actually quite good because I can support her as well.
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Rachel Christina, you have been blessed.
In 1976, I came out as CD to my love before our relationship really began to blossom into serious dating and, eventually, marriage. I have told the story many times, but it was she who named me Susan and coached me in all things feminine, from hair and make up, to refining mannerisms (dang, it was hard to learn to sit with knees together) and clothes.
She also sensed my unease when in my male persona and knew before I had even realized it that CDing just wasn't enough anymore and started the conversations that led to treatment and eventually led me to where I am today.
For those with children, I never hid from our daughter who always called me either "Daddy" or "Mama S." depending on what I was wearing and my transition to full-time was a total non-event to her or her friends that knew me; to the outside world, however, it was a different story...
Hold your life mate closely; let her share your journey.
Hugs
Susan
Hi ladies,
Just wanted to say that it is refreshing to see so many positive stories. Glad things worked out for you.
It is great to hear so many great stories, but also so sad to see so many sad stories:/
I really do realise how fortunate I am.
I also feel a little bad for making this post if it brings a negative wave over some of us (sorry).I hope the positive stories can atleast help those hoping to come out in the future.
Though I don't think anything should hold one from living their life to the absolute fullest.
Quote from: Stevi on April 29, 2018, 08:16:22 AM
dizz,
My heart aches for you for what you said in your post. Based on your avatar, you look very pretty. I hope you find a way to make it work out for yourself. I have a little taste of the rejection that you have experienced. That little taste was almost more than I could bare so I can imagine the magnitude of the hurt it has done to you. All I can say is that we, all of us, are here to help you march onward.
IStevi
Thanks Stevi for being supportive. I forgot to sign my post as Sabrina. [emoji4] I have being through many bad things in the past years including suicide attempt, mutilation, being abuse physically and mentally. I am still there and now nothing will stop me and I have nothing else to loose. Today is a better day. My brother wrote me an email after more than one year without communication. I replied with all the truth and he said No problem sister, I want you to be happy. [emoji3]
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Sabrina,
We all get "better days", at least once in a while, and I am pleased you got one to come your way. People can surprise us sometimes, well, often. I hope your brother connects back up to become a true support for you.
Stevi
Quote from: dizz on April 29, 2018, 02:23:36 PM
Thanks Stevi for being supportive. I forgot to sign my post as Sabrina. [emoji4] I have being through many bad things in the past years including suicide attempt, mutilation, being abuse physically and mentally. I am still there and now nothing will stop me and I have nothing else to loose. Today is a better day. My brother wrote me an email after more than one year without communication. I replied with all the truth and he said No problem sister, I want you to be happy. [emoji3]
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That's so sweet!
Hello Rachel and everyone after reading through everyone's stories I feel Beyond blessed for my situation and sorry for those lacking support from their SO. It must be incredibly difficult going through transition without support though I believe it will leave you with a little tougher hide. I have been with my wife for 38 years and she is the only woman I have ever been with due to my awkwardness with women in high school. She pursued me After High School and how could I resist a stunning little blond with awesome features. She's a punk rocker that looks half her age and shows her individualism and rebellious nature against the norm. Right now we're sitting together with all these colors in her beautiful blond hair and tight zebra bodysuit accented with many colors. We can just sit here and talk most of the day about anything and I can honestly say I've never been closer and feel that we have opened a new chapter in our very close relationship. She always sticks up for the underdog and believes everyone should live their lives freely. I would probably rate her at 100+. She is against the vanilla Norm sheep in our society as she maintains her rebellious nature from youth. Without her I would be nothing and wouldn't be here right now. She really wants me to live free and we do all kinds of crazy stuff but she's literally encouraging me for transition to live free. She does everything for me buys clothes cosmetics everything and taught me how to use them through many years and I can live completely free as I want but she knows that I need to take the next step. I feel that I've got the one in a million and am more Head Over Heels in love than ever. I could talk about her forever. we are both looking forward to this new beginning very much as I transition she will too in a way and we are very much looking to the Future for our new lives together living totally free in our dream Paradise. I wish everyone could experience this level of support because this is the closest thing to Magic I've ever experienced. Best wishes to everyone love. Tatiana
My partner and I share full acceptance with our transitions, mine m2f and hers accepting the changes in our lives. She has been supportive from the first steps and continues to this day, which is the day we both bought wedding dresses for recommitting our vows, now wife and wife. We often state that at this point in our lives we really prefer to live without a man in the house. We also feel bad at times for all of our friends, both cis and trans that do not have this kind of joy in their relationships.
Yesterday confirmed my wife's support when she gave me this card for my birthday. It showed me she understands my gender fluidity. Inside she professed love forever between us.
(https://i.imgur.com/lDYkweJ.jpg)
Total acceptance here. I have transitioned to female over the last several years and we celebrated our 27th wedding anniversary last winter. We are, and always have been, besties. She is my everything. :)
My wife told me she talked with 30+ women and not one of them would stay with her transsexual husband. I told her that they are many that are supportive ( when I refer to this forum ). So she challenged my to find a wife that she could see in person to discuss. I will try to find one in local trans groups... Anyway, I don't think she will change her mind because she want a real man in her bed she said. I won't have expectations because she told me that all that she want is to divorce and forget me. We have been together for 12 years including 10 years of marriage and we have 2 children ( Zakary 11 and Elizabeth 10 ). My children don't want to see me anymore. I hope it will change someday because I miss them.
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Dizz My wife knew when we met, I used to dress as a woman. But out of sight out of mind so it wasn't addressed. About two years ago, I found myself in the middle of a breakdown. I just could not take it any more. Thus ending my 64 year journey to find myself. Back then there was no such thing as transgender woman. Everything about our gender confusion was turned against us as being vulgar. I've read of people having surgeries as far back as 1972. I would have been 21 years old. If I knew what I know now. That our journey really began in the womb. hes There would be nothing to stop me from transitioning. In the meantime we had two kids, two careers. So granted our sex life is not so robust and it really doesn't matter as that is where love really comes in. We understand or try to that a relationship is more than sex. I had my share of it with my first wife. Helping our slow lovelife even lower I began Spiro starting 25 years ago. Bye, bye love life. I had gotten heart failure and Spiro is a diuretic. So we have had a lot of sexual obstacles along our way. But here we are still together. I thought I would have trouble with the kids, millenials. But they said You were my Dad when I was born and you will be my Dad tomorrow, you have to do what feels right for you. I can tell you I no longer have debilitating depression. My wife sees and appreciates the change in my behaviour. I was never violent but I was the king of sarcasm. And that is not real easy to live with either. I sincerely hope things work out. Maybe freezing some sperm will be good enough for her?
From what I understand, there are a lot more s/o's that reject their tg partners than accept them. I am fortunate that my gf does accept me and as a matter of fact wants to marry me, soon(within the next month or so). I have rejected advances and sabotaged past relationships, just because I could not lie or accept rejection I was tg, while presenting as male, until I found my current girlfriend and out of nowhere, she said she accepts me, when I broke it to her. I was kind blown away. Even though I'm on a full dose of hrt/spiro for over 5 years, I present a lot more androgynous. I suspect those that answer are those that found accepting s/o's, then not.
Quote from: dizz on April 30, 2018, 11:25:57 PM
My wife told me she talked with 30+ women and not one of them would stay with her transsexual husband. I told her that they are many that are supportive ( when I refer to this forum ). So she challenged my to find a wife that she could see in person to discuss. I will try to find one in local trans groups... Anyway, I don't think she will change her mind because she want a real man in her bed she said. I won't have expectations because she told me that all that she want is to divorce and forget me. We have been together for 12 years including 10 years of marriage and we have 2 children ( Zakary 11 and Elizabeth 10 ). My children don't want to see me anymore. I hope it will change someday because I miss them.
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This is absolutely heartbreaking , I really hope your children come around and want to see you again. I've heard similar stories before and it turned out the mother was poisoning the kids against the ex partner. (Not that I'm implying she's doing that).
Keep your chin up lovely
Hugs
Marie xx
Quote from: DawnOday on May 01, 2018, 01:00:25 AM
Dizz My wife knew when we met, I used to dress as a woman. But out of sight out of mind so it wasn't addressed. About two years ago, I found myself in the middle of a breakdown. I just could not take it any more. Thus ending my 64 year journey to find myself. Back then there was no such thing as transgender woman. Everything about our gender confusion was turned against us as being vulgar. I've read of people having surgeries as far back as 1972. I would have been 21 years old. If I knew what I know now. That our journey really began in the womb. hes There would be nothing to stop me from transitioning. In the meantime we had two kids, two careers. So granted our sex life is not so robust and it really doesn't matter as that is where love really comes in. We understand or try to that a relationship is more than sex. I had my share of it with my first wife. Helping our slow lovelife even lower I began Spiro starting 25 years ago. Bye, bye love life. I had gotten heart failure and Spiro is a diuretic. So we have had a lot of sexual obstacles along our way. But here we are still together. I thought I would have trouble with the kids, millenials. But they said You were my Dad when I was born and you will be my Dad tomorrow, you have to do what feels right for you. I can tell you I no longer have debilitating depression. My wife sees and appreciates the change in my behaviour. I was never violent but I was the king of sarcasm. And that is not real easy to live with either. I sincerely hope things work out. Maybe freezing some sperm will be good enough for her?
Thank you for beautiful story. I have heard of one of the first transgender in 1951 named Christine Jorgensen. I don't have faith in our relationship anymore because she keeps telling me that she is eager to be divorced and to forget about me. Well, I will wait to see what will be my future. For now I live in the present and I enjoy being a woman. 2 years ago I thought it was fetishism but now after being full time for 2 weeks I know it isn't.
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Quote from: MarieLouise1982 on May 01, 2018, 02:24:08 AM
This is absolutely heartbreaking , I really hope your children come around and want to see you again. I've heard similar stories before and it turned out the mother was poisoning the kids against the ex partner. (Not that I'm implying she's doing that).
Keep your chin up lovely
Hugs
Marie xx
She is doing that, I have many proofs. Here there is the Director of youth protection that protects youth and can even remove children from a bad environment. I told the proofs the represent and he told me it is in acceptable. I don't want to take them from their mother but I want that to stop.
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Quote from: dizz on May 01, 2018, 02:39:43 AM
She is doing that, I have many proofs. Here there is the Director of youth protection that protects youth and can even remove children from a bad environment. I told the proofs the represent and he told me it is in acceptable. I don't want to take them from their mother but I want that to stop.
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I agree , it's not healthy to raise children in an enviroment full of hate. You have to do what you have to do sometimes , as we all know that in our current situations.
Where are you ? If you don't mind me asking ?
Marie
Quote from: MarieLouise1982 on May 01, 2018, 02:46:24 AM
I agree , it's not healthy to raise children in an enviroment full of hate. You have to do what you have to do sometimes , as we all know that in our current situations.
Where are you ? If you don't mind me asking ?
Marie
I am in Quebec, Canada. I am a french Canadian but I try to do my best in English
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Quote from: dizz on May 01, 2018, 02:52:51 AM
I am in Quebec, Canada. I am a french Canadian but I try to do my best in English
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Well your doing very well at it ........ hi from the uk too :-*
X
Quote from: dizz on April 30, 2018, 11:25:57 PM
My children don't want to see me anymore. I hope it will change someday because I miss them.
My experience is that the mom is very critical in determining the attitude of her kids toward the TG dad. As my wife is supportive of me, my little daughter could accept me more easily. Probably, my two sons were the same.
If you sometimes had to quarrel with your wife, then it is possible that it impacted your kids. I am sorry that your wife is not supportive of me, but you may try again to talk with her.
In my case, one of my 2 sisters has been so much bigot. Except her, my siblings and parents accept me without any serious problem. The attitude varies dependning on the personality and other factors.
barbie~~
Just chiming in. My wife is super awesome and supportive. The very first thing she told me was, "I just want you to be happy.". She has enjoyed seeing me become a happy person and a better parent and spouse because of it. Unfortunately, I am far more girlie than her, so she doesn't take me shopping or give makeup tips. It's the other way around.
To my mind it seems that there are a lot more supportive spouses/significant others than one would think. However, because there is no heartbreak you don't hear about them as much.
Quote from: dizz on May 01, 2018, 02:52:51 AM
I am in Quebec, Canada. I am a french Canadian but I try to do my best in English
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My roommate when I had SRS at Brassard's was french canadian (he still lives in Thurso). We chat thru text and snapchat every day still. My wife and I have gone and stayed with him at his house before. He is the only friend I made during my trip to Montreal for SRS lol. All of the girls there were catty and stuck up. I was the only one that was visited by my wife EVERY DAY that I was there. She stayed in Laval for 10 days druing my recovery, visiting me every day, and then we drove back to Missouri. I had to go back the next year for a minor revision and we stayed in Thurso at my friends house. Your wife seems a bit naive about the fact that many spouses stay with their transitioning mates. Admittedly,
many do not, but that does not mean
none stay. ;)
Quote from: ainsley on May 01, 2018, 05:36:08 AM
My roommate when I had SRS at Brassard's was french canadian (he still lives in Thurso). We chat thru text and snapchat every day still. My wife and I have gone and stayed with him at his house before. He is the only friend I made during my trip to Montreal for SRS lol. All of the girls there were catty and stuck up. I was the only one that was visited by my wife EVERY DAY that I was there. She stayed in Laval for 10 days druing my recovery, visiting me every day, and then we drove back to Missouri. I had to go back the next year for a minor revision and we stayed in Thurso at my friends house. Your wife seems a bit naive about the fact that many spouses stay with their transitioning mates. Admittedly, many do not, but that does not mean none stay. ;)
Nice, I live north of Montreal but I plan to move to Montreal for more acceptance and more jobs in 2-3 weeks. Also the psychiatrists and psychologists specialized in transgender are at McGill university. The good thing is when we are full time for 1 years with hrt, the SRS is paid by health insurance.
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Quote from: dizz on May 01, 2018, 06:02:00 AM
Nice, I live north of Montreal but I plan to move to Montreal for more acceptance and more jobs in 2-3 weeks. Also the psychiatrists and psychologists specialized in transgender are at McGill university. The good thing is when we are full time for 1 years with hrt, the SRS is paid by health insurance.
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Yes, his surgeries were paid for and I paid for mine out of pocket. :)
Quote from: ainsley on May 01, 2018, 06:27:06 AM
Yes, his surgeries were paid for and I paid for mine out of pocket. :)
If it is not indiscreet, can you tell me how much did it cost?
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I think it was 19k or 20k CAD, and of course there were USD to CAD conversions, bank wire fees, and I had to drive up there, so there were also travel and lodging costs, etc. :)
Quote from: dizz on May 01, 2018, 02:52:51 AM
I am in Quebec, Canada. I am a french Canadian but I try to do my best in English
Any religious influence in her behaviour?
Quote from: AnneK on May 01, 2018, 08:35:34 AM
Any religious influence in her behaviour?
I don't understand what you mean.
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Quote from: dizz on May 01, 2018, 02:30:12 AM
Thank you for beautiful story. I have heard of one of the first transgender in 1951 named Christine Jorgensen. I don't have faith in our relationship anymore because she keeps telling me that she is eager to be divorced and to forget about me. Well, I will wait to see what will be my future. For now I live in the present and I enjoy being a woman. 2 years ago I thought it was fetishism but now after being full time for 2 weeks I know it isn't.
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Lili Elbe got her surgeries in Germany in the early 1930s. (the attempt at transplanting a uterus killed her eventually) Apparently at least one person predated her in the late 1920s. The Nazis shut that operation down when they came to power, but not before there were others. I guess the modern form of medical treatments began back then, even thought they did not have hormones figured out at all. The first real publishing of anything on hormones was around 1925.
According to the books and movie, Lily had pretty decent support from her spouse and remained friends until her death.
Quote from: dizz on May 02, 2018, 05:06:19 PM
I don't understand what you mean.
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Is her hostility based on religion. I know there's still a fair bit of Catholic influence in Quebec, though not as much as in the past.
Quote from: AnneK on May 02, 2018, 09:19:01 PM
Is her hostility based on religion. I know there's still a fair bit of Catholic influence in Quebec, though not as much as in the past.
No we are not religious. In the 2-3 last years I've been depressive and I think it deteriorated our marriage. She also don't want a woman in her bed she said. The only way she could want to see me again is if I revert back... I know it won't last, the dysphoria will come back.
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