I'm starting a story line for myself to write down and ramble on with my journey.
Think it'll be good to see how I grow as a person whilst discovering many new and scary things and it'll give me something to look back on and smile/wince/cry/laugh.
I've got my GP appointment in the morning that I'm funnily ok with, as I want referring to the GIC.
I've then got a therapy session in the evening so u can clear my head a bit too.
On the spouse front my wife has gone through all sorts of emotions from grief and anger to advice on clothes and shoes, then back to sadness and so forth.
She admits the hard part is wrapping her head around it all but we're being open and honest with each other and she wants to try and support me which I think us a brave and beautiful thing.
Lets see what tomorrow brings....
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Tomorrow will bring us all one step further down the path. :)
You have a keeper there, it will take time to process everything, and it sounds like that's what is happening. :)
Hugs, Devlyn
Quote from: Devlyn on May 09, 2018, 06:25:42 PM
Tomorrow will bring us all one step further down the path. :)
You have a keeper there, it will take time to process everything, and it sounds like that's what is happening. :)
Hugs, Devlyn
Hi Devlyn,
I defo want to keep her that's for sure 🤞
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Well yesterday I jumped a large hurdle in my new life by going to the doctor for a referral to GIC.
I felt apprehensive bit strangely calm. Along the lines of this is a baby step let's get it done, so without wandering around the subject I sat down and the first sentence was " I'm beyond questioning my gender I know who I am and where I want to go so can you refer me on please"
He smiled asked a few questions and said that's done not a problem.
Seemed so easy :)
Then therapy yesterday evening and that was thought provoking but again so positive, it feels great being called by my real name & when you have a therapist agreeing readily that your transgender and wants to help in anyway she can it feels fantastic.
After a turbulent weekend my wife seems to have come round a lot which is overwhelming to be honest, she's now playing the "A woman wouldn't think twice about hoovering" sort of card & it's nice to have fun again in our relationship.
She's giving great clothes advice as apparently I'm 40 odd and not 14 lol.
I've never ventured outside dressed as Sophie, but whilst feeling so positive I'm taking not so much a step as a bloody huge leap.
I've booked a night away in London and going to a trans friendly venue for a drink or two.
This feels me with a big fear or reactions but I'm kinda thinking along the lines of hopefully my looks and styles will improve in the future so it may get easier each time.
If I get bad reactions so what I don't know them and never will, I'm writing this sentence but my mind is saying you know you'll hate bad comments....
Life feels fantastic today, it may not tomorrow but who knows.
I'm just going to enjoy the ride for now
Sophie
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Some fantastic first steps. Going out dressed in any capacity will always feel a bit scary at first but you seem to have accepted yourself, and know that its going to be a ride with a lot of ups and downs. Enjoy it because I can tell you that the positive overwhelms the negatives by a large margin. I found that journaling my random thoughts here helped a lot.
Good luck and welcome to the roller coaster...
Back at last :)
A LOT has happened in the last few weeks it's a bit of a whirlwind to be honest.
I've had a complete rollercoaster of a fortnight both good and bad and I'm emotionally drained & can honestly say I've never cried so much before.
On the home front with my wife it's very fragile, she's trying to support me but she's finding it difficult to come completely to terms with still, but she is willing to help which I'll take in a heartbeat. However she is adamant I can't tell anybody and if I do she will move away as she couldn't take all the fallout. She feels like a failure as a wife, and we have sat up a few nights until the early hours finding common ground. We've reached a strained agreement that I'll try and stay androgynous at home and we will go away at least every 3 weeks so I can actually be me ( not what I want but I don't want to lose my wife and kids ).
I keep telling her within the year people may notice, as I'm now with genderGP and have been told I could be on hrt within 6 to 8 weeks and I'm am way too excited at the prospect that I get butterflies just thinking about the chance to finally start finding myself.
So I'm playing it quietly but pretty sure in a year or so things maybe noticeable ie. Skin appearance and face shape, growth in other areas that is love.
I'm mostly looking forward to hopefully feeling sane and more at home in my body.
What I tell them when that happens I'm not sure.
I'm trying to get a head start with a few things and have started microdermabrasion which is fantastic and I start with laser hair removal in a few weeks too.
I'm so happy right now you could not believe, probably the happiest I can remember in absolutely years.
My wife troubles keep me awake and bring me to tears, but this is happening & I'm praying she wants to stay on the ride.
Sophie
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As ymmv and genetics you could have a job hiding things (you know the ones) by 3 months and skin and face as well. Good luck on your trip to woman hood.
Quote from: davina61 on May 28, 2018, 01:35:52 PM
As ymmv and genetics you could have a job hiding things (you know the ones) by 3 months and skin and face as well. Good luck on your trip to woman hood.
I'm thinking the same Davina, but I'm hoping it gives my wife time to adjust/accept
I know one thing I'm female always have been, these last few months I know without doubt I can't survive as male too long.
As much as it may cause conflict I can't wait to see the real me emerging at last.
Sophie
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I'm so happy for you and know how that excitement is :) Even though I have my problems I still am happier now than I have ever been. Congrats on starting HRT soon and enjoy the ride.
Hugs,
Chelsea
Hello again Sophie
I truly hope your wife comes on board in early course; just give her time and she may accept the real you as she witnesses your happiness.
Good luck also with GenderGP. They have many clients who are Susan's members aswell as you and me.
Hugs
Pamela
Really interesting thread so far, and the fun is just getting started!
Thanks for sharing, Sophie! I'm gonna bookmark this, trying to keep up with everyone blogs, but can't read through 500+ posts from some members >.<
I also like feeling like able to experience some of these things together, as a community.
Your wife sounds very similar to my own, I think a really big thing that might help if you haven't talked or thought about it is that while you are becoming the woman you were always meant to be, you are not trying replace your wife's role in the relationship. Something like this may seem obvious at times, but that is something that I feel is really helping my wife keep it together after she found out.
And dressing out to socialize in London is like a CRAZY huge step! That sounds awesome! Never heard of GenderGP, but I guess I'll look that up, too!
Thanks for all of the kind replies, it means a lot to not feel alone.
Regarding the London trip I've had to cancel as way too busy with work.
But... Ive booked a hotel in Brighton with my wife for gay pride. Come rain or shine I'm going to present for the first time openly.
I'm scared stiff but reckon in that environment anything goes so it's as good a place as any to start.
Sophie
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OMG things are moving quickly and I'm way too excited when I should be taking things in a slow methodical way.
Who cares I could be on HRT in the next 4 to 5 weeks, and I'm seriously happier than I've been in forever.
Only my wedding and the births of my kids could bring as much joy.
I've had an information gathering session, blood tests being done now & after speaking to a lovely lady who informed me HRT is much much close than I ever dreamed.
All this and I haven't even got a letter from GIC yet after I asked for a referral from the GP.
I'm this point how long do you want to hear from the GIC once you've asked to be referred? I pan8c and worry easily and keep hoping the referrals been done.
So to sum it up I'm ecstatic right now and plan to enjoy the weekend by taking my wife out for dinner wine and lots of shots.
Sophie x
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4 to 6 weeks at least and then 2 1/2 year wait to be seen , got referred in early Jan 17 and rang them yesterday to do name change and was told would be early next year for first appointment. Still gives us time to let the HRT work and sort hair issues
Quote from: davina61 on June 01, 2018, 12:47:50 PM
4 to 6 weeks at least and then 2 1/2 year wait to be seen , got referred in early Jan 17 and rang them yesterday to do name change and was told would be early next year for first appointment. Still gives us time to let the HRT work and sort hair issues
Hi Davina
I can take a month or so for private treatment over 3 years anytime.
The waiting time is so wrong it's actually obscene. How can they expect people to wait for over 3 years for help.
Thankyou for putting my mind at rest with regards waiting for a letter to drop through my door.
It's so sad you have to wait that long but as you said the plus side is you'll be a lot further with transition & hair growth etc.
Sophie
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Yes Sophie
Whereas I have the great respect and admiration for our UK NHS, it is sadly so underfunded for transgender care, such that the waiting times for most GICs are absolutely ridiculous. That's why like you and many other British members of Susans', I decided to go private for both therapy and HRT.
Hugs
Pamela
Just a quick update, I've just had my first laser hair removal done on my top lip.
OMFG on the lowest setting it hurt, lots.
I kinda have thick dark beard growth so in a few sessions it should calm down, but owwww just owwww.
I thought I was ok with pain, leg waxing I don't mind at all, same with my brows.
Guess I'm a bit of a lightweight after all :)
Soph.
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Quote from: maybesoph on June 09, 2018, 04:28:28 AM
Just a quick update, I've just had my first laser hair removal done on my top lip.
OMFG on the lowest setting it hurt, lots.
I kinda have thick dark beard growth so in a few sessions it should calm down, but owwww just owwww.
I thought I was ok with pain, leg waxing I don't mind at all, same with my brows.
Guess I'm a bit of a lightweight after all :)
Soph.
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It really does hurt doesn't it! The results though will be completely worth it :)
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Quote from: MollyPants on June 09, 2018, 04:40:25 AM
It really does hurt doesn't it! The results though will be completely worth it :)
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Your not wrong with the pain, but you're right and I can't wait to start seeing results eventually
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Well this is me, getting braver now. I may only be in a vehicle but I'm getting out slowly.
I know I have so far to go and can't wait for hrt now, but this photo has got me glimpsing the future, and it feels amazing.
I've so many issues at home and not ready to come out fully as I'm respecting my wife's wishes to give her time too, just wish I could shout it from the rooftops but one day.....
I've had a bumpy week so to feel positive for once I thought I'd put a happy post up.
Sophie.(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180612/438ea5c6ee317565d57ae4c642b8c839.jpg)
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So where's the smile? Just joking , looking good dear without HRT.
Thankyou so much:)
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I CAME OUT TO MY PARENTS, YES!!!!
Gin is definitely a girls best friend. Went out for a drink Friday and severely over indulged in pink gins. My mood took a downturn later in the evening and I went outside and just broke down and wept.
My brother who I'm very close too came out to find me & see what was wrong, after a while I finally blurted it all out to him & he wasn't bothered in the slightest, his reply was tell me something I don't know.
Anyway it's about 0100 when this is happening and were only a few hundred yards from my parents house, so my brother frogmarched me straight there, as in his words now or never.
So 5 minutes later I'm sat in my parents front room, crying, again...
My brother is the one who told them as I just couldn't think of how to say it at all.
His eloquence here was great...
"Basically mum and dad I'm your only son"
Now my mum and dad are 66 and 72 years old, and I was expecting rejection to be honest, but I was so wrong.
They were so supportive that it's just overwhelming.
My mum is more concerned with safety of myself and the pressure from others, my dad I think just wanted to go to bed :)
Another few minutes a d my sister in law turns up, and again my loud brother tells her and she looked taken aback, but I spoke to her the next day and all she wants is me to be happy.
My wife who met us at parents and was adamant no-one else should know for a long time, sat and listened & I think she realised I needed to get this out there.
Now I'm very lucky & I know this, whatever happens from here on in I now know that I have family around me for support.
My poor wife has been a rock even though she's struggling to process everything, so the good thing is I don't have just her to burden with thoughts, and it gives me more time with her without my transition popping up every 2 minutes.
I've an older sister in Wales that I'm going to email as she has a right to now too, how she will react I don't know, but we'll see.
It's been a massive massive boost to me & I can't wait for my journey to keep rolling forwards now. Long way to go but the handbrake is truly off now and I'm in gear.
Soph.
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Quote from: maybesoph on June 12, 2018, 10:41:11 AM
Well this is me, getting braver now. I may only be in a vehicle but I'm getting out slowly.
I know I have so far to go and can't wait for hrt now, but this photo has got me glimpsing the future, and it feels amazing.
I've so many issues at home and not ready to come out fully as I'm respecting my wife's wishes to give her time too, just wish I could shout it from the rooftops but one day.....
I've had a bumpy week so to feel positive for once I thought I'd put a happy post up.
Sophie.(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180612/438ea5c6ee317565d57ae4c642b8c839.jpg)
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@maybesoph Dear Sophie: Thank you for posting your latest "car selfie" ... you look great... yes, isn't it great to start feeling positive and happy.
For all of us, our attitudes and demeanor regarding ourselves is a very important step in not only our transition journey but also our good health and well being. I am looking forward to following your transition progress as you continue to keep your thread updated and of course your posting replies on the other various threads on the Susan's Place Forums.
OH, and as @
davina61 kiddingly mentioned in her reply...
"So where's the smile?" In reality a big smile on your face and holding your head high as you go out among the masses as
Sophie does a lot in bolstering your self-confidence and self-assurance.
Thanks again for keeping us all updated.
Hugs, and well wishes,
Danielle
Hi Danielle.
Thankyou for the kind words, means a lot.
Your positive attitude lifts me everyday reading your responses so thankyou.
OH, and as @davina61 kiddingly mentioned in her reply... "So where's the smile?" In reality a big smile on your face and holding your head high as you go out among the masses as Sophie does a lot in bolstering your self-confidence and self-assurance.
Regarding this I promise to try next time, honest.
Soph.
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Well look at you OUT. Now it all starts !!!! I got gendered correctly today by a stranger (receptionist ) wait till that happens love.
Quote from: davina61 on June 18, 2018, 12:41:30 PM
Well look at you OUT. Now it all starts !!!! I got gendered correctly today by a stranger (receptionist ) wait till that happens love.
@davina61 :
Dear Davina: I am rejoicing with you.... being out and correctly gendered is such an affirming and gratifying experience.
With your legal name changed and with your good experiences so far that you have posted about, you have very obviously made great progress in your transition journey... and there are more good things to come your way.
Thanks for posting your good news....
... it is encouraging to all us that read things like you and many have posted on this
@maybesoph thread and the various other threads on the Forums.
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: davina61 on June 18, 2018, 12:41:30 PM
Well look at you OUT. Now it all starts !!!! I got gendered correctly today by a stranger (receptionist ) wait till that happens love.
It feels great, it really does. Just a lot of people to go that still feels me with apprehension, however I'm happy and that's something I've not been in a long time.
Davina I can't wait to have the days I'm correctly gendered you must feel elated, I'm so happy for you. It's a good day.
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Hello again Sophie
It is wonderful to read that you have come out to your brother, to your parents and to your sister and that it all went so well. I am so happy for you and that you have so many family members for support. I assume you have told your other sister by e-mail and hope she is also supportive.
Stay safe as mum advises and try not to bother about pressure from others - I know some put up barriers - but it your life and you naturally wish to live as the true you.
Wishing you more future successes.
Hugs
Pamela
Quote from: pamelatransuk on June 19, 2018, 05:39:54 AM
Hello again Sophie
It is wonderful to read that you have come out to your brother, to your parents and to your sister and that it all went so well. I am so happy for you and that you have so many family members for support. I assume you have told your other sister by e-mail and hope she is also supportive.
Stay safe as mum advises and try not to bother about pressure from others - I know some put up barriers - but it your life and you naturally wish to live as the true you.
Wishing you more future successes.
Hugs
Pamela
Thankyou Pamela,
I aooreciate the kind comments and thoughts, feels great knowing im not totally alone apart from the trappings of mind.
I'm trying to word the email to my sister, but can't seem to find the right words, I'll get there....
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Gay pride Brighton booked.
Right, I've done it. Hotel booked, tickets booked & wife invited so no going back now.
I'm going in boy mode for the first afternoon, but I'm going to get changed early evening at our hotel and go out as Sophie for the first time openly.
I kept thinking do I go somewhere quiet at first for a quick walk but then thought, No! Be bold make a statement, swallow my fears hold my head up and just try and own it.
Figure Pride weekend may be about the most unjudging environment to step into, who knows but I'm hoping it gives me confidence to go out as my true self again the next morning into the big scary wide world.
Trying to stay and keep positive.
Oh, had my bloods done today too & once results are in, so hoping hrt is now getting even closer.
Sophie.
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Having a fantastic weekend, met with my mum & dad Friday evening to discuss things.
I thought they were conservative but they have blown me away with love and understanding.
My mum's only reservation is getting any ridicule from the public. I've assured her with support I'm stronger now than I've ever been & I've never been happier.
My wife can't face seeing me in pain with the laser hair removal but mum wants to come ( she may have a hidden sadistic side) so I'll have someone to let me squeeze their hands to death when I get zapped.
They asked fantastically informed questions after both watching YouTube for hours, I know I maybe the luckiest girl in the world now, I've been open and honest completely with them and feel closer to them than ice ever been.
I know it's not going to be easy but I'm finally ready to be me, openly.
I know I'm gushing but after years of fear of rejection I can't believe the reactions,love and kindness. Even my sister-in-law who is stunningly beautiful is happy and offering help and advice.
Hope you all find happiness too this weekend.
Sophie
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That's what I found, you will get the stares and second looks (ignore them) but so far not found anyone with a bad thing to say and most are positive and encouraging . Good luck as you venture forth.
Thanks Davina,
I've found so far there's a lot more positive people in the world than I thought. I know there's going to be idiots but hopefully I'll be strong enough to ignore them
Sophie
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Another step forwards,
Told a female friend I've known since childhood, thinking it'll go either way, she has been fantastic.
I'm still not out yet, but growing my hair for the last 8 months it's at an inbetween stage, so she suggested wearing a headband which I've done now for 3 days and dya know I was conscious at first but then you ignore it and carry on, most people really don't seem to care. Had a few comments but just bat them off saying it's my head not yours.
She's helped to finally convince me to do something I've always wanted, so I've now booked a lash lift n tint & brow shaping.
She's adamant she's coming and is now my official fashion and hair advisor lol. She's also a cosmetics saleswoman so that's handy too.
My wife I think is happier as it stops me unloading thoughts onto her or keep bringing it up, whereas my friend seems more excited than me & it feels like finally I'm coming round to being myself.
Another great weekend so staying beyond positive and looking forwards.
Wish you all well x
Sophie
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Hi Sophie
Congrats on the coming out to your family and now your friend. It's always inspiring to read about others coming out as it gives me a boost. I'm still to come out to anyone and I fully appreciate your description of the roller coaster ride that all of this is.
You have taken huge strides in the past few weeks and you should be proud of that. As others have said before look after your own safety and your own happiness and hopefully you'll continue to have the support of your wife and family.
BTW loved your point about holding your head high.
Megan x
Quote from: maybesoph on July 02, 2018, 06:04:02 AM
Another step forwards,
Told a female friend I've known since childhood, thinking it'll go either way, she has been fantastic.
I'm still not out yet, but growing my hair for the last 8 months it's at an inbetween stage, so she suggested wearing a headband which I've done now for 3 days and dya know I was conscious at first but then you ignore it and carry on, most people really don't seem to care. Had a few comments but just bat them off saying it's my head not yours.
She's helped to finally convince me to do something I've always wanted, so I've now booked a lash lift n tint & brow shaping.
She's adamant she's coming and is now my official fashion and hair advisor lol. She's also a cosmetics saleswoman so that's handy too.
My wife I think is happier as it stops me unloading thoughts onto her or keep bringing it up, whereas my friend seems more excited than me & it feels like finally I'm coming round to being myself.
Another great weekend so staying beyond positive and looking forwards.
Wish you all well x
Sophie
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@maybesoph Dear Sophie: This is very exciting news, I recall when I first did the eye brow shaping and other simpler cosmetic alterations to help me look more feminine.... I was both nervous and excited and when I looked into the mirror it was for sure happiness very rewarding to see my new look.
Feminizing your face appearance with simple cosmetic procedures will do a lot for your pass-ability, self-assurance and confidence as you continue your journey. It is absolutely wonderful that your spouse is supporting you with her cis-woman advice and has become your fashion advisor.
Of course you know what this means..... pictures!!!! But only post them if you feel comfortable doing so.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
Feminizing your face appearance with simple cosmetic procedures will do a lot for your pass-ability, self-assurance and confidence as you continue your journey. It is absolutely wonderful that your spouse is supporting you with her cis-woman advice and has become your fashion advisor.
Thankyou Danielle :)
My wife's supporting me a lot, it's actually my best female friend who's pushing me forwards as she's suspected for years apparently, if only id known. She echoes you saying just do this you'll love it after.
Feeling so happy at the moment I may burst, Feel like I'm coming alive.
Sophie x
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Hi Megan
Thankyou for all the kind words it means a lot. Such a kind way to go but loving 5he baby steps so far
Sophie
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Well done , its good to have support and a bonus help with the cosmetics , getting there (where ever there is??)
Quote from: maybesoph on July 02, 2018, 11:50:48 AM
Feeling so happy at the moment I may burst, Feel like I'm coming alive.
Sophie x
Congratulations Sophie on such fantastic and useful support from your best female friend (along with your wife also).
I am sure your lash lift n tint and brow shaping will give you more confidence and continue to fill you full of happiness.
It is wonderful to read your comment about bursting with happiness and coming alive!
Wishing you more of it.
Hugs
Pamela
Thankyou Pamela,
I know I've so far to go, but just the feeling of breaking free of years of repression is an amazing feeling, my best is already insisting on calling me Sophie unless in crowded public, so it's kinda cool.
Hope your having a great week too
Sophie
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Just a very small affirmation for myself on wondering as you do am I trans.
Well just looked in the mirror to shave and noticed small patches with no hair in my moustache area, which means laser is working after just 3 sessions.
And I can't stop smiling at this, it's just another pointer that this reaction is confirming I'm doing the right thing :)
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So hit my first major hurdle, and it came out the blue and knocked me sideways.
My wife who I adore has been struggling to cope with it all, with a lot of tears and I just want my husband back.
Now she's my world and I considered doing just this for her, as it's smashing me to pieces emotionally seeing her suffer.
We used to have an amazing bedroom life but obviously that's died a death the last few years as GD has just got worse and it's caused issues. She's always loved this aspect of life and I did wonder how we would cope, anyway I get a call last week with her admitting she's been chatting to a guy online and had thought about meeting him.
This blew my mind and I've no idea what or how to react. I've tried just understanding from her side but c'mon I'm not even on hrt yet (few weeks away).
Kinda leaves me with a fear it ain't going well even though she was adamant she'd try and adjust and see how it goes.
She told me a while ago to stop going on and informing her of it all as in her mind if she ignores it it's not happening, and she said find a friend which I've done. Told a very close female friend, who has been amazingly supportive, compassionate and besides asking a lot of great enquiring questions loves just to chat.
However my wife now brings her up in snide remarks of well go with .... you'll have more fun with her anyways as your best mates.
Just feel like I can't win or do any right atm, and I know there's so much more ups and downs to come but this soon without really trying?
I'm trying to please everyone else at my expense and feel so selfish for being me.
Sorry rant over x
Sophie.
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Ouch Sophie! That has to be very difficult to hear and process. :( I have lots of thoughts on it but I think besides the both of you talking, I think it would be a good idea for both of you to go counseling together. It IS a lot for her to process and deal with for sure. Everything is focused on us...about us, but what about them, right? But before she goes in the direction of seeking someone else, to me the right thing to do would be to talk it out, seek counseling, and work it out one way or another before having an affair. If she can't handle it, or doesn't want that for her life, then she has a choice(s) to make. Just my thoughts, but until then, introducing that um..."variable" makes things even more complicated - more difficult.
Hi Briana,
She won't talk to a soul, I've asked about couples councelling, her alone, even mailing a therapist with all the background to save her trying to explain but she will not talk to anyone.
Perhaps my hopes were too high when she said about support and seeing how it goes, perhaps reality has hit her & she can't handle this at all.
Trying my best to keep everything upbeat when chatting but starting to feel like in walking on very cracked egg shells.
Hate moaning so I'm reaching for the wine that'll cheer me up.
Sophie
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Well back from holiday.
Arrived home to some amazing news, received all the consent forms which I've signed and returned already to start my hrt.
First time ever that I've openly wept with joy, I'm still smiling now.
I can't tell you how to say thankyou to those that recommended genderGP, the NHS who I rang yesterday informed me it's now a 6 month wait for an introduction letter and 22 to 24 months for my first appointment.
By then I'll have been on hrt for at least 18 months, nothing like getting a head start.
Been making more changes bit by bit, and some people are starting to notice, well got a brow and lash lift done whilst away so can't hide it at all now.
My best friend nudged me to get them done & I'm hooked I'll definitely be getting them done regularly now.
Pic below in boy mode so try not to be too scared, just wanna show off the lashes.
Let the journey commence x(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180802/5e8f5c5d49def7488a2a410aa2378105.jpg)
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Congratulations Sophie on HRT authorization and on brow and lash lift.
I don't think you will regret joining GenderGP - they are so helpful and understanding.
Hopefully you will apply the first patch and take the first tablet next week.
I am sure you will enjoy the HRT ride!
Hugs
Pamela
Ok at last a prescription, I literally can not wait for it to arrive.
Happy beyond words right now :)
I've been prescribed patches and finesteride. I'd be happy consuming mongoose toes if it helped.
Having a very rocky time with my wife who now I think realises it's actually happening and seems very very distant to it all.
I have no idea how to approach this, she won't discuss it yet I got moaned at yesterday for not telling her before that it was hrt prescription I had been granted. When I asked her what she thought it was going to be she just got stressed and said well not that yet.
I can't win :)
However I've got family and a couple of close friends who are happy for me so I'm looking onwards and upwards, it's really here and happening!!
Ps. Anyone know if I can still have alcohol, keep seeing mixed vibes??
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Sophie
Should be no problem - in moderation of course.
Personally I never drink more than 2 glasses of wine per day.
Hugs
Pamela
On the UK Meet Up thread, we discussed accents - is there a particular accent for Kent? Mine is just simple northern.
Congratulations!
I had a similar experience with my wife. We were not able to make it through the transition, unfortunately.
You can drink, of course. Personally, my tolerance for alcohol is much less than it was pre-hrt. I get drunk more easily (one beer / one drink) and I am more likely to get a headache from alcohol, which makes me want to drink less.
I find I am also more sensitive to caffeine, though I do not drink coffee or soda.
Just to caveat though, for the year prior to starting hrt, I was on a massive weight loss journey to the tune of more than half my body weight, so it's sometimes hard for me to tell what is due to hormones and what is due to having so much less mass.
Congrats on getting your HRT prescription!
Alcohol in moderation should not be a problem, but the person to talk to about that would be your prescribing doctor. Your blocker is different from mine, so what my doctor tole me ("no problem") might be different from yours.
My limit is one glass of wine per day, so it is not an issue for me.
On the UK Meet Up thread, we discussed accents - is there a particular accent for Kent? Mine is just simple northern.
Thanks Pamela,
I have a "mockney" accent, fake cockney.
The island where I live has a very large population that has resettled from east London, so they gifted us the same accent :).
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Thanks for the replies girls,
Hoping my marriage survives, really do. However my health has suffered for years looking after others I need to start a bit of self care.
I too am on a big big weight loss journey, think it's because of before as in boy mode I hated myself now I want to look my best.
Just got back from laser on top lip, first time having it on higher setting and wow it hurt a lot this time, but now seeing results so it's soooo worth it.
Have a great weekend x
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That's awesome, you're getting to start HRT, Soph!
I can totally relate on needing self care. I practically was letting my body whither away before, cause what good is it? Oops! Now, we girls gotta look good xD
Exactly that!!
For the first time ever I'm starting to care how I look all the time.
I'm just bouncing around waiting on the post as the prescription turns up today, so this evening will be my first patch x
Better than Christmas x
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Yes Sophie you will remember the first day of HRT forever. It is a wonderful feeling as you apply the first patch and take the first tablet.
Welcome to the HRT journey and you'll enjoy the rollercoaster ride!
Hugs
Pamela
Quick update,
I'm a whole 11 days into hrt and for 2 days solid I've had sore breasts that are seriously standing to attention and slightly enlarged.
I'm only on E patches and finasteride, so thought I'd have to wait a fair bit longer for anything to develop.
Hey I'm not complaining it's painfully amazing, just very unexpected this soon.
Thought it was in my head at first but no they are permanently sore atm.
UK meet soon and starting to wonder whether boy mode or girl mode.
Excited to go and hopefully get some advice from others but not sure if I'm confident enough yet to go all out.
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You do know you can change at the venue, see you in a few weeks time XXX
So been away battling demons stress money & life in general.
Took time out to try and sort myself out properly no social media at all, yeah didn't work lol.
My business was struggling but through some hard graft I've a new customer so the future looks prosperous for the first time in a year or more, means being away from home for the next 2 or 3 weeks getting it all going but small sacrifices for long term happiness.
My wife is still struggling and totally in denial this is happening, she's also become distant this is to save herself apparently.
Tried go7ng for a drink to talk it through but she doesn't speak really apart from blurting at one point you know I'm no lesbian.
We've been together for 25 years, but I've a pain in my heart that says were in trouble & it's all my fault.
She won't let me tell the children until we have too, which I understand.
On the HRT front, it's 4 weeks today & I've noticed a few very small changes.
My skins definitely softer feeling, and my breasts are starting to bud well as my brother pointed out when I walked in his office with the discreet phrase of "You know you've got tits right??"
Kinda astute on his part :-)
Emotionally 8ve struggled with depression lately but my fairy godmother decided I needed to breakdown and cry whilst on a motorway. None of this give her a chance to pull over, Hope full on wailing and waterfalls instantly.
Had to pull over and cry like I've never ever cried for at least 10 minutes, an hour after though I felt fine, went to bed fine & woke up the next morning to the radio and got up and had a dance. Been fine since.
Is it just my mind adjusting to the HRT??
Still I'm back and despite home issues I'm personally in an alright place for now, that'll do me for now xx
Hope your all well and looking forwards to the weekend.
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Hello again Sophie
It is nice to see things are progressing well on the business front - we all want prosperity but for transition we need more money for clothing, makeup, body hair removal etc.
Sorry that your wife still in denial and I hope she comes round to accept you; there is no guarantee but I have known many cases where the spouse originally opposes but ultimately accepts. At the very least I hope you can remain friends.
HRT as I'm sure you realize is a wonderful experience. So far you've got good results in that you already have breast buds. Well done. It was a little longer for me but after 7 months I now have small boobs. Yes softer skin and the ability to feel emotions better are early signs I can appreciate. I find it wonderful and relaxing both to cry and to laugh more!
I am going on holiday to Slovenia and hence not attending the UK Meet Up in Birmingham. I hope you have an enjoyable trip. The menu looks fantastic.
Hugs
Pamela
Hi Pamela,
Thanks for such a kind reply :)
I'm getting my life sorted slowly and work is improving, so yes I'll hopefully be getting a new much larger wardrobe soon.
I'm just taking each day as it comes and seeing where the ride takes me.
Sorry your not there, hopefully next time.
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What a month.
Sorry ive been absent for so long, I'm getting my head around everything in life & al5hough some bits are painful I'm kinda developing a bit of strength to move onwards.
So I'm looking quite good on the work front, I have a new contract that God willing should make me a little bit of money. Haven't had any for a few years so that'll be a novel experience.
Home front with my wife is very complicated right now. After weeks of her point blank refusing to discuss issues after a big discovery were moving forwards.
Just over a month ago she started seeing another man off of a hook up site for no strings attached fun.
I'm kinda ok with this surprisingly as we used to be so active and I've frustrated her for years, and last year or so our love life hasn't existed at all.
We had a chat and want to stay together as a partnership/close friends and she's happy getting jollies on the side.
I'm quite pragmatic and she didn5 ask for the situation she's in, and if I get to keep our friendship/closeness alive I'll take that as we're good together.
HRT is 2 months this weekend & I'm like everyone else, frustrated!!
Was unrealistically expecting bam there you go changes but nope reality is I'm learning it'll be a long road.
Skin has changed a lot in 2 months, breast buds are quite large and there's a small amount of tissue.
I'm a bit calmer now which is nice, but I've now had a few breakdown episodes.
Not just crying but full on sob your heart out tears and that's kinda a new experience.
I feel much better afterwards though & it's just like a pressure release.
Hair is growing by the hour not the day & I reckon by next summer I defo won't need a wig which is great news.
So overall I now own my own pair of very sore swollen areola, I'm still scared stiff of coming out to others & my home life's very complex, however I feel HAPPY foe the first time in a long long while.
That means something surely.
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Good to hear your getting "sorted" well at least thing starting to come together. Yes its a long slow ride down a bumpy track (did you sing that bit!!) . You will probably need 6 months of E to get more noticeable effects (that's when it happened for me) so enjoy !!
Sophie
You are clearly on the right track as you say "strength to move onwards" and at least you are witnessing first benefits both physical and emotional of HRT. Sadly yes it does take time to see more "obvious" physical benefits but the first signs should provide you with some comfort and motivation. After 2 or 3 months of HRT, I knew I was on the right fuel. I agree with Davina on timespan as only recently did I develop boobs - I am 8 months now but like you had the buds early on.
Glad to see that you and your wife are on amicable terms and both of you wish to retain your friendship.
Hugs
Pamela
Hiya,
Thankyou so much for the kind replies, um definitely starting to think this is the fuel my body needs too.
I feel at home in myself until I see a mirror that is :-)
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One day dear she will be looking back at you but it does take a while.
Quote from: maybesoph on October 23, 2018, 12:30:03 PM
Hiya,
Thankyou so much for the kind replies, um definitely starting to think this is the fuel my body needs too.
I feel at home in myself until I see a mirror that is :-)
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@maybesophDear Sophie:
The truisms that you must be aware of as a female:
~Mirrors are not our friends
~Cameras are not our friends
~We are our own worst critics
My final thought is for you to listen to you friends that see you on the forums and very importantly listen to your real life friends that see you and talk to you and that accept your transition decision.
We are you biggest fans here.... keep on keeping on.
Hugs,
Danielle
Again thanks girls for the positives, I try and stay positive as much as I can.
Even bad days now I can focus on a positive.
Well in the last two weeks, it's happened.
This elusive calm and sense of well being has appeared like a massive ray of welcome sunshine.
After 2 months this is an amazing feeling, to actually be calm & focused and relaxed that I can feel small changes happening.
Ok it's only skin and breast pains but hey I'll take that for now.
After some red wine courage, I mailed my big sister to let her know what's happening to her baby brother.
I left her til last in the family as she lives far away and wanted to see her face to face but thought it unfair in the end that she didn't know.
She was shocked but so understanding, and that's now parents and all my brothers and sisters supportive which is just amazing and overwhelming.
So I'm so lucky to have some close support.
Next two weeks I'm getting top of ears pierced and going full on girl brows.
I think I'm just impatient to come out now, I'm waiting til after Christmas to tell the kids then the handbrake can come off.
Until then I'm sorta doing a bit at a time, kinda drip feeding Sophie to life.
I know there's bumps aplenty ahead but I feel I'm growing stronger mentally and I'm determined to meet them with a smile.
Have a great week all xx
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Quote from: maybesoph on November 05, 2018, 05:21:34 AM
Again thanks girls for the positives, I try and stay positive as much as I can.
Even bad days now I can focus on a positive.
Well in the last two weeks, it's happened.
This elusive calm and sense of well being has appeared like a massive ray of welcome sunshine.
After 2 months this is an amazing feeling, to actually be calm & focused and relaxed that I can feel small changes happening.
Ok it's only skin and breast pains but hey I'll take that for now.
After some red wine courage, I mailed my big sister to let her know what's happening to her baby brother.
I left her til last in the family as she lives far away and wanted to see her face to face but thought it unfair in the end that she didn't know.
She was shocked but so understanding, and that's now parents and all my brothers and sisters supportive which is just amazing and overwhelming.
So I'm so lucky to have some close support.
Have a great week all xx
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This is great news. Soph.
I am so happy for on all counts - your emotional benefit, your early physical benefit and understanding from your sister.
Sending Love to you.
Pamela xx
Hi all,
Sorry been away getting things in order especially my own head.
Anyways, today is exactly 5 months on hrt & although I'm now immensely impatient changes they're a happening.
Breasts are now nearly a B cup but wow do they hurt, everytime you reach across a table or basically anything they're like yup we're here now in the way and it's just awesome beyond words.
Everything else is as per roughly what others have experienced.
The big thing is I've now told all my kids bar my 7 year old who's very high on the autistic spectrum & I'm her safe zone (she uses me as her comforter/person she feels safe near having meltdowns which are at least daily).
Without exception they were all amazing asking intelligent questions.
My 22 year old who I thought would be the one who maybe awkward beat me to the announcement with the words & I quote "it's coz you don't wanna be a guy anymore dad, I'm not blind. Skinny jeans, painted toes, long hair and hrt patches in your top drawer"
Yup she was amazing too.
I've now told my first close male friend who again doesn't seem too bothered although he has said he's allowed to make friendly fun but will punch anyone else that tries, which I thought was ace.
**the big bit**
I'm using the meet up in March as Sophies true birth.
I'm coming out to the world that weekend.
Yes I've a long way to go with voice,weight, every bloody thing but hey I want to embrace this awkward bad make up, bad clothes stage and find my style and eventually rock it.
I'm never gunna be happy trapped and waiting for the perfect time to come out. I've learnt that day never comes.
One life, live it!
Finally I've read a lot of posts and so many of you are truly inspirational xxxx
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@maybesoph Dear Sophie:Heya girl, I have been wondering how you are doing!!! ???
Your last update on your thread was 2½ months ago!!!... way to long for sure!!!
Thank you for coming back and giving us your 5 month HRT update.
Good news about your breasts being B cup now and hurting all the time....
... that is very good news, it means that your body and HRT are getting along and things are progressing... you should be happy. No pain, no gain as they say.
It was nice to hear about how your male friend interacts with you... very accepting for sure.
You are waiting for the perfect time to come-out.... hmm, it is entirely your decision based on a lot of your personal relationship and employment factors but at some point of your choosing you will have to jump into the deep end and reveal your secret. When you do it will be like a big weight is lifted off of your shoulders and then each additional time that you come-out it will become less stressful and somewhat easier.... you will find that you will live more freely with less stress, I know that I did.
Thank you again for updating your thread.... your followers want to know what you feel free to tell us about what is happening in your journey.
Hugs and as always, well wishes,
Danielle
Soph
It was nice to read on the UK Meet Up Thread and again here that coming out to your family went so well with so much understanding.
As you know I am also attending the UK Meet Up on March 16th as Pamela and I also wish to overcome what in my case is poor make-up (although I recently had a makeover at Mac which was fantastic) and lack of experience of matching clothing but I wish to embrace and find my style and rock it too! I am going fulltime as you know as soon as my house now on the market, is sold.
So at least we can both be our true selves when we meet on March 16th. 8 weeks to go!
Hugs
Pamela xx
Fantastic news , looking forward to meeting you again.
Davina
I look forward to finally meeting you on March 16th.
Hugs
Pamela xx
Thankyou all for the kind replies, I just took a step back from nearly everything whilst I sort my self out to face the future fighting.
While away I did a 30 day motivation/kick start course that helped me beyond words.
Also I've just started a MUA diploma, hey why not have fun whilst learning make up skills.
I'm both really excited/nervous about UK meet up now. Nothing to do with the girls there they are just inspirational but the fact it's where I throw off the big secret shadows I've been hiding under.
Then coming back on home ground to face everyone. I'm expecting to lose a lot of narrow minded friends but if they don't accept me then I don't want them around me.
I've learnt that I control my life and I am responsible for all my own actions, so if someone or somethings not enhancing your own life, move on and leave them be and don't look back.
I've now finally had my first female haircut, I'm a proud owner of a kinda Bob with a fringe and can't wait to throw the hats away and just let it out.
See you all soon :-)
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Hi all,
Feel like I'm waiting in Limbo at the moment.
I've told a few more family members and friends and still blown away by not one negative reaction as of yet, although I'm not naive enough to think it's not coming.
Had my first hair disasters, tried blonde it went wrong, so thought I know I'll go red.
Now I just look like a traffic light it's that bright.
So I'm booked in to go dark brown and then I'm gunna leave it a while, I think.
16th March is the big day, so I'm drafting a post for social media, any tips on this more than welcome.
Apparently my opening line of "hey look boobs" isn't appropriate, who knew.
Starting to define how I want to look for now, and make up skills are improving each time.
Overall I can't wait, a few weeks and it's quite literally a new beginning :)
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Hello again Soph
Its a different hair disaster for me as I am sampling different wigs but I think it will be blond and parted and medium length. I am collecting more make up and increasing BHR (Body Hair Removal).
See you on March 16th.
Hugs
Pamela xx
Hi Pamela,
Look forwards to seeing you in March, I've another family friend who's a hairdresser who has now re dyed my hair back to dark brown & convinced me to cut my split ends as they're counter productive.
Also gave me some hair care products and now my hair feels amazing.
See you soon x
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Major development, getting scary now.
I finally recieved my first welcome letter from GIC after 6 months waiting from my initial referral.
Whilst reading the forms to fill out it has a section on legal name change, so sat there thinking well it's gotta be done sooner or later, and even though I'm not out for another 4 weeks I've already changed my legal name by deed poll.
So now comes the part of informing absolutely every official organisation I'm connected to. Realising now that it's no small task at all.
The wife has gotten upset at the name change as I didn't fully consult her, but no matter what I do it's going to cause pain for her.
Maybe I handled it badly but I'm such a pro active person I just wanted it done.
Now the weird bit I feel so totally ready within myself now to come out fully, but at the same time in seriously scared beyond words.
Now I think is the hard part as things get real and I try and face the world as me.
Here goes....
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Good for you , I found it was no biggey and the worst reaction I got was "oh I see". Still get a bit of dead naming but it can be short for Davina anyways so its not a bother. Hope it all goes well for you , see you soon.XXXXX
Quote from: maybesoph on February 10, 2019, 10:24:03 PM
Now the weird bit I feel so totally ready within myself now to come out fully, but at the same time in seriously scared beyond words.
Now I think is the hard part as things get real and I try and face the world as me.
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Soph/Davina
I feel precisely the same. Motivated and getting prepared to come out but also feeling scary. However safe in the knowledge that my actions are and will be fine. See you both on March 16th.
Hugs
Pamela xx
Looking forward to seeing you both soon x
I'll be the gibbering nervous wreck trying to stay composed.
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Well 6 months on HRT & I'm feeling so low.
Try to stay positive but feeling very alone and separate from my wife and also some of my children.
With my wife I feel like I'm banging on an empty drum, no matter what I do I barely get positive responses & we have no physical contact at all.
I'll go out for food come back and make breakfast or a dinner and get barely a word.
I bend over backwards as I keep trying to please but seem to spend every Monday now exhausted and in tears from the weekend.
Honestly am so torn as what to do, I'll never give up trying as I want to be there for my children. Especially my young twin girls who I have such an amazing bond with, but also now I'm feeling guilty as they're being referred for counselling at school in case they start to suffer during my transition.
So wanted to celebrate the 6 months but finding it a struggle just to get on at the moment.
I know I've got to get through highs and lows but I think it's the isolation & the loss of affection that's killing me inside.
I'll be back soon x
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Hang on in there, lets hope they see the new better you.
Hello again Soph
I read your PM and replied just over 2 hours ago but only now have I come to your thread and I am so sorry you are feeling down. I hope this is literally just an off day and not the way you feel regularly of late.
My advice for today or other "down periods" is to concentrate on what you have already achieved over the last 6 months and on what you are motivated and prepared to achieve in the near future especially going public in 4 weeks time.
I look forward to meeting you in 4 weeks at the Meet Up but in the meantime I shall be thinking of you and hoping you remain close to ALL your children and that your wife eventually comes round hopefully to communication but better still to acceptance.
Special Hugs to you today
Pamela xx
I also forward to meeting you, Davina, in 4 weeks time.
Pamela
Hi Soph,
Hope things get better for you and your family.
Marion
Hi Marion,
Thank you for your kind words x
A phone call yesterday evening left me giggling a lot, recieved a call from a private number so I answered to hear a woman on the other end say "Oh I'm sorry I've got the wrong number, no no I haven't is Sophie there please"
Queue me thinking who is this?? Turns out it was the doctors assistant requesting a blood test for GIC & she hadn't read the letter properly before ringing.
I've never spoken to someone who seemed so embarrassed at an honest mistake that couldn't stop laughing & we ended up having a chat and she was such a nice person, asking how I want to be addressed when I arrive, how I want to be gendered just generally nice things.
It's sort of restored a bit more self belief that I can face these situations & not crumble.
Loving this hormonal roller coaster :-)
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Soph
Glad that phone call yesterday gave you a boost. As I said on Monday 18th, I hope you were only on a "downer" temporarily. I hope the boost brightens you up and it lasts!
You can and you shall achieve so much on HRT and transition in general.
Clearly the lady at the GIC is understanding and caring also.
Hugs
Pamela xx