I was spending some time thinking through where I am now...I have been transitioning for over 3 years and I never thought I would make it far without "losing it"! When I started socially transitioning again, I thought that things would go the way that they had gone before.
I find things going so smoothly that sometimes I feel something has to be wrong! My therapist has said that I am one of her patients that is having an "easy transition" and I am grateful for that, but it is not really that simple. I am having an easier time of things this time, but I am starting to realize that is only because of the really rough times I have already been through. I had compartmentalized my overall experience and was only focusing on the current effort.
As thing fall in to place ahead my my next step, those things that were safely tucked away out of mind are coming back in. Some of the internalized shame I held for so long is here...causing me to question my decisions and the results and future plans.While I was able to keep that all at bay for a long while, I still get to face it as those have been my feelings at thoughts for a long while.
HRT and hard work have delivered me to this spot, I am perceived female. It is rarely questioned and almost never a thought. I am who I am inside and that translates to the outside. I have a few dangly parts that I am now focused on transforming, but I have arrived at the point that I could feel swirling in front of me off at an unmeasured distance when I was a child.
It is now my time to start the surgical aspect of my transition and it feels like so much has started over again. Somehow this push feels like a conclusion, though I guess we are always in transition...once SRS is behind me I feel like I will finally be able to look at myself finally as a complete woman for the first time. I see pictures with clothes and I see the woman that is me. I feel like I will finally see it at all moments of my life, for the first time!
Having heard the term "magical thinking", I am checking to see if that is what this is. It does not feel delusional or anything...it just feels like a completion to a major stage of my life and the true release to me being truly and wholly me.
This is just be rambling a bit. Thank you all! :D
@kaitylynn Hello Kaitylynn: Thank you for posting your transition journey update... I am happy to hear that you never did "lose it"... and now that you are at the point of your surgical aspect of transition, I am certain that you feel that everything is starting all over again for you. I am looking very much for your updates regarding your continued transition journey. It does help to write about your disappointments, your failures, your successes and reaching your goals.
Like you, I also am past the 3 year mark. I started HRT when I was 35 years old in March 2015 and went Full-Time in December 2016, a year and a half ago. I suppose that I also had an "easy" transition. I started out as a 5'4" male in high school and in college, no bulk, no muscles, longish blonde hair, a soft girlish face and a voice to match so in my early 30's I decided in earnest to transition. Even before I came out Full-Time I could easily pass with few exceptions.
Please keep us all up to date and no worries about your "rambling" .... it helps to clear your mind.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
Thank you Danielle! It is sometimes just amazing to be here and I look at how far I have come and then see a long road off into the distance. Have been here before, but feels like now there is a real destination and that is definitely a fresh perspective.
I cannot believe that the work is actually paying off I guess.
I truly appreciate everyone around me :)
Second laser clearing of groin area this morning. Will be seeing my primary therapist mid month and have scheduled with my 2nd therapist on the third of July. Still moving!
Had a great session with my therapist and outlined an attainable set of goals this afternoon. She is writing a letter for the insurance company. This will allow me to work within the WPATH guidelines with them! Fingers crossed.
BA (2018) Trying to get this done in the next few months.
FFS (2019)
GRS (2021)
VFS (2021) (if needed)
It feels good to have something like a plan with a timeline.
Have my BA consult, July 10th! They said they are booked out by about a month...that would be August. Perfect for the holidays!!!
Quote from: kaitylynn on June 18, 2018, 11:01:05 PM
Have my BA consult, July 10th! They said they are booked out by about a month...that would be August. Perfect for the holidays!!!
@kaitylynnDear Kaity: Wow-whee.... so good to read about all of your flurry of good news updates this last 3 weeks!!! Your exciting journey is continuing with a crescendo with your upcoming BA.
Then onto new heights with your other transition goals of FFS and GRS... and after that perhaps VFS ...
Well, hang on, it appears that you will be "required" to be on the forums for at least 3 or 4 more years to keep your followers and readers updated...
.... and you know the rules here... "Pictures or it didn't happen!!"
Thank you for your updates, please keep them coming. Your readers want to know and to celebrate with you.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
LOL, thanx Danielle!!! Been here a while and enjoy it, so 5 years more will be easy :D
It has been pretty crazy. It is just realizing that my next phase of transition has arrived and that is the surgical part...it seemed so far away even a year ago. For all the stress of transition, I can say this for sure...best decision I ever made for myself so far :)
How have you been?
Goodluck on your journey :)
Quote from: kaitylynn on June 19, 2018, 05:23:27 PM
LOL, thanx Danielle!!! Been here a while and enjoy it, so 5 years more will be easy :D
It has been pretty crazy. It is just realizing that my next phase of transition has arrived and that is the surgical part...it seemed so far away even a year ago. For all the stress of transition, I can say this for sure...best decision I ever made for myself so far :)
How have you been?
Dear Kaity: Well, I am certainly very much excited for you and your upcoming events in your transition journey. Yes, time creeps up on us... what had seemed so far in the future for you is now knocking at your door.
For me, I am a very happy camper... very busy with my self-empoyed business matters, a busy social life with my local gym-group and my local book club.... and of course I am always busy here on the Susan's Forums on many of the various threads posting my replies.
If you have not already checked out 3 of my threads to see what I have been up to, this would be a good way to answer the question that you posed to me
"How have you been?" Please let me know if you can't find them....
I am the HUNTED PREY : Danielle's Chronicles
Positive Mindset... put away negativity
Susans Writers and Book Readers
Hugs and well wishes as you continue your exciting journey.
Danielle
Kaity
Clearly you have a plan. You are a well organized girl.
I hope you have BA later this year and wish you many future successes.
Hugs
Pamela
Quote from: pamelatransuk on June 21, 2018, 03:46:22 AM
Kaity
Clearly you have a plan. You are a well organized girl.
I hope you have BA later this year and wish you many future successes.
Hugs
Pamela
Thanks Pamela! Have had a few decades to work on all of this. Still pinch myself to make sure it is not a dream! :D
Update, had my first surgical consult for breast augmentation and liposuction. We came up with a rough plan and now we wait for the insurance submittal to go through for pre-auth.
My therapist originally wrote my referral letter last year and I asked if she could update it to make it more current. She agreed and then it got put onto a back burner as she was preparing to attend a big conference. She is finishing it up this evening, though really the current would likely be fine. My medical record has clearly stated that I am a transgender patient since 2015 and the scheduling nurse at the facility said that would likely be enough.
This is an exciting step as this will be the gateway surgery to get that phase started!
Hope everyone has a fabulous day!
Nice to hear such wonderful news, Kaity.
Good luck with the pre-auth.
Hugs
Pamela
Awesome Kaity! A great step forward.
Date set, August 27th! Have pre-op on the 14th and then it is a few weeks till DD day!
I have been doing a lot of looking back to see how my transition has wound its way throughout every facet of my life so far. When I started HRT again in 2015, this point seemed so very far off into the future...and yet suddenly I find that I have arrived to this step.
I am so so happy for you, Katie.
Sending my love to you
Pamela
Thanks Pamela! I am in awesome company <3
And thank you Briana! A pretty big step, for sure! I have sort of taken my time to get to this point. I have studied myself closely to make sure that this is truly fulfilling me. Finding that it is indeed me, to quote Ashley...Onward we go!
Just got back from my division's monthly corp meeting. Spoke with my boss about healing time needed and gave him details and dates. It is awesome to have such a great company behind me! He let me know that he had already worked everything out and he would approve my extended vacay request as soon as I submit it!
Getting excited for my BA pre-op appointment Tuesday. A few short weeks later and I will be on the table. It was a few months off a few days ago...or at least it feels that way.
Quote from: kaitylynn on August 08, 2018, 07:38:02 PM
Getting excited for my BA pre-op appointment Tuesday. A few short weeks later and I will be on the table. It was a few months off a few days ago...or at least it feels that way.
@kaitylynn This is very exciting news that you reported... please give us an update when you know something more after your appointment.... all of your followers and readers will be looking forward to hearing your report.
We are all rooting for you... we are your biggest fans.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
Kaity,
So glad you have such good support at work. Will be rooting for you to have a smooth surgery. Expect you will enjoy making mountains out of mole hills. lol
Kaity
I will be thinking of you on 14th and I hope you are able to clarify any points you have.
Wishing you good luck.
Hugs
Pamela
Speed bump...my company did not negotiate with me in mind and there is a clause denying just about everything trans care related, listing it all as cosmetic. Now I am going to have to work through my HR department to see if we can modify our coverage through CIGNA or I will have to shift to another plan like Kaiser. It is not a road block, just a set back. We are a pretty big account and all along I was told that this would not be happening...only to have it happen. Anyway, plans are now on hold till it is all sorted through.
Quote from: kaitylynn on August 11, 2018, 02:20:33 PM
Speed bump...my company did not negotiate with me in mind and there is a clause denying just about everything trans care related, listing it all as cosmetic. Now I am going to have to work through my HR department to see if we can modify our coverage through CIGNA or I will have to shift to another plan like Kaiser. It is not a road block, just a set back. We are a pretty big account and all along I was told that this would not be happening...only to have it happen. Anyway, plans are now on hold till it is all sorted through.
@kaitylynn Like you stated.... this is a speed bump, hopefully things settle down and then you can think clearly about solutions and alternatives and how to turn this into a positive.
I will be looking for your future updates regarding this set back... meanwhile we are all eagerly awaiting your report about your BA consultation coming up in a few days on Tuesday Aug 14th.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
Kaity, I'm sorry to hear of the insurance issue but it appears it will be fixed. Your pre-op date is fast arriving (yeah), and then the big day! Best of luck.
Judi
Will know more Monday regarding my companies ability to adjust the plan. We are a pretty big client and I believe we are self funded. I cancelled the appt for Tuesday as it will not be resolved by then anyway, but we still have the 27th on. I really want to work with this surgeon as his work is awesome! If it cannot be made to happen by the 27th, then it will have to wait until next year. Again, it is just a delay and not a stopping point.
Quote from: kaitylynn on August 11, 2018, 08:33:37 PM
Will know more Monday regarding my companies ability to adjust the plan. We are a pretty big client and I believe we are self funded. I cancelled the appt for Tuesday as it will not be resolved by then anyway, but we still have the 27th on. I really want to work with this surgeon as his work is awesome! If it cannot be made to happen by the 27th, then it will have to wait until next year. Again, it is just a delay and not a stopping point.
@kaitylynn We all have our fingers crossed for you.... oh, so sorry to hear that you cancelled your your Tuesday appointment... I really hope that things progress sooner instead of later for you.
Please keep us all updated... we are your biggest fans.
Hugs,
Danielle
Sorry to hear Katie that you had to cancel Tuesday appointment.
I hope you are able to sort out today and that you will be able to proceed with both appointments in August.
Hugs
Pamela
Quote from: pamelatransuk on August 13, 2018, 04:01:05 AM
Sorry to hear Katie that you had to cancel Tuesday appointment.
I hope you are able to sort out today and that you will be able to proceed with both appointments in August.
Hugs
Pamela
So it is back on for tomorrow, just a slightly different approach. Insurance is going to take a a bit of work so Heather and I have chosen to pay cash for now and then seek reimbursement once insurance catches up. Preop is on for 1015 tomorrow, Sebrina...my youngest is coming with me. Surgery date is the 27th of this month so things are happening quickly.
Thank you everyone for your support...this is truly a nerve racking and it is really about time to be done already!!! :D
Quote from: kaitylynn on August 13, 2018, 05:55:16 PM
So it is back on for tomorrow, just a slightly different approach. Insurance is going to take a a bit of work so Heather and I have chosen to pay cash for now and then seek reimbursement once insurance catches up. Preop is on for 1015 tomorrow, Sebrina...my youngest is coming with me. Surgery date is the 27th of this month so things are happening quickly.
Thank you everyone for your support...this is truly a nerve racking and it is really about time to be done already!!! :D
@kaitylynn This is such great news, it just goes to show that one day can change everything. ... So anyway, I have marked August 27th, a Monday, on my calendar... I will be closely following your thread for any and all updates.
Again, this is such great news, i am so happy for you.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
Thank you Danielle! I know I am hit or miss with posting and such. I will try to be better :)
Excellent, Katie.
I am thinking of you today and hoping all goes well.
Pamela xx
Thank you Pamela! Super excited. My daughter will be there and Heather has a break between classes, so she will be too. I was hoping for a few extra sets of eyes...so I do not end up Dolly Parton style :)
Preop done. Implants selected, 650cc high profile round memory gel. We discussed both teardrop and round and selected round. He said there is enough there through HRT that it is really an augment and not a construction. I just got an education in augmentology! :D
So it is just a matter of blood work and ekg PRE and then a short week and a half till the 27th. I have never worn forms so had always just imagined what my boobs would look like. Having the prosthetic sizing bra on gave me a crazy awesome perspective, especially profile!
I am really excited. This feels like it will be a big deal in so many ways.
Quote from: kaitylynn on August 14, 2018, 04:16:48 PM
Preop done. Implants selected, 650cc high profile round memory gel. We discussed both teardrop and round and selected round. He said there is enough there through HRT that it is really an augment and not a construction. I just got an education in augmentology! :D
So it is just a matter of blood work and ekg PRE and then a short week and a half till the 27th. I have never worn forms so had always just imagined what my boobs would look like. Having the prosthetic sizing bra on gave me a crazy awesome perspective, especially profile!
I am really excited. This feels like it will be a big deal in so many ways.
@kaitylynn Dear Kaity:
You have every reason to be very excited.... it is indeed a big deal.
So, is the actual surgery date confirmed for and still on Aug 27th???
We will all especially be thinking of you on that day!!!
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
Yes, surgery is set for the 27th at 9:45.
Kaity
I am so pleased it was such a success yesterday.
I shall be thinking of you on 27th of course!
Hugs
Pamela
Am now a blood draw and EKG away from my BA procedure. After those two things, the rest is just waiting for the week. Uuuugh, this week is going to drag on!!!!
Crazy amount of emotion rampaging through me, elation one minute grrrrr the next but this is happening and I just need to get through the jitters. Anxious about being put under, a virgin here...
Everything preop is finished. Heather and I will be at the surgical center at 8:15am, Monday! I have one more work day...kind of glad as it keeps my mind busy and then a weekend with family and friends. I can say that I have a lot of emotional energy flowing around right now and I am really looking forward to waking up after the procedure is complete :)
Thank you everyone for your support, kind words and love. An incredible journey we share!
Thinking of you both now and on Monday 27th. Wishing you every success and happiness.
Hugs
Pamela
Kaity,
I, too, wish you well with your BA. In the mean time, enjoy your weekend. Success and happiness to you and Heather.
Stevi
Quote from: kaitylynn on August 23, 2018, 10:35:46 PM
Everything preop is finished. Heather and I will be at the surgical center at 8:15am, Monday! I have one more work day...kind of glad as it keeps my mind busy and then a weekend with family and friends. I can say that I have a lot of emotional energy flowing around right now and I am really looking forward to waking up after the procedure is complete :)
Thank you everyone for your support, kind words and love. An incredible journey we share!
@kaitylynnDear Kaity: Your "time" is coming up very soon... it will be here before you know it! Plan a relaxing weekend and enjoy the excitement and anticipation of the important transition step that you will be taking.
You are not alone, all of your readers and followers are keeping you in our thoughts and wishing you well.
Relax for a few days if that is even possible....
Hugs and well wishes as always,
Danielle
Kaity, the best for you on Monday; keep us informed on how you are doing and how it feel to have great boobs.
Good luck Kaity. I know you are excited. Maybe we can play bumper cars when you get done. ;D
Moni
LOL, so I did not anticipate that everyone on Facebook would post about food and drink when I am on my 12 hour fast! WTH...some sort of conspiracy? I think I am done sleeping till I go under in a few hours.
Quote from: kaitylynn on August 27, 2018, 05:17:46 AM
LOL, so I did not anticipate that everyone on Facebook would post about food and drink when I am on my 12 hour fast! WTH...some sort of conspiracy? I think I am done sleeping till I go under in a few hours.
@kaitylynn Dear Kaity:
What? Only a 12 hour fast? Lately my doctor has been doing some blood tests that require a 24 hour fast... to make it through the day I will drink lots of water, fills me up and makes it a little more bearable.
We are all eager to read your update when you are up to it.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
Only 12 hours :) Everything went splendidly and OMG, I am so happy when I look down!
So a bit of pain. I am going to be taking it easy for a few days, for sure!
Dr. Gupta went with a 595 on the larger side and a 650 on the smaller. They look even, though they are still sitting very high and will for a while.
More in a bit. Need to rest some more.
YEAH
Kaity's got her boo-bies!!!!!
Quote from: HappyMoni on August 27, 2018, 07:48:59 PM
YEAH
Kaity's got her boo-bies!!!!!
Oh hell to the yeah!!! :D Pain meds...too loope to type
Quote from: kaitylynn on August 27, 2018, 08:10:16 PM
Oh hell to the yeah!!! :D Pain meds...too loope to type
@kaitylynn Dear Kaity:
CONGRATULATIONS to you.... now your dresses and tops will fit like they are supposed to....
You will need to buy new bras but also you may need to buy new clothes !!!!
Not a problem, a good excuse to go shopping!!!
Write more when you can.... I am so very happy for you !!!!
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on August 27, 2018, 08:16:05 PM
@kaitylynn
Dear Kaity:
CONGRATULATIONS to you.... now your dresses and tops will fit like they are supposed to....
You will need to buy new bras but also you may need to buy new clothes !!!!
Not a problem, a good excuse to go shopping!!!
Write more when you can.... I am so very happy for you !!!!
Hugs,
Danielle
We already have a shopping expedition planned for a few weeks out! Just saw my chest for the first time since waking up and WHOA! The only thing bigger than my boods is my smile!!!!!!!!
Wait on those bras til you drop a bit or they may not fit later. I'm wearing sports bras now or no bras due to sensitivity.
Quote from: HappyMoni on August 27, 2018, 09:13:03 PM
Wait on those bras til you drop a bit or they may not fit later. I'm wearing sports bras now or no bras due to sensitivity.
Yes, I have my Lorna Jane's so I will be wearing them exclusively for a while...already pulled the pads out of them as they are not required now :)
Mainly we are shopping for shirts, thrifting is Heather's super power! I have been fitting in a medium for a few years now and I think that will be changing. Just looking at the mediums that are "less stretchy" seems tight.
Not too much pain, the left is sort of achy but the right is fine. For that, the pain itself is about a 2 with the pain med and never gets about a 4 as those wear off. I know something happened, but it is not too bad...will let everyone know if this is the case come morning!
Ow...a little pressure this morning and waiting for the pain med to kick in. I was actually feeling no real pain last night as I fell asleep with half doses. I feel that this discomfort will likely pass pretty quickly this morning once I am up moving around.
Lifting my arms is proving a little difficult, but certainly not impossible. Just taking it easy, Heather has been at my side every minute and she says I appear to be recovering well. I like her assessment! :D
Kaity
I'm delighted everything went well yesterday but not as delighted as you, I'm sure!
I wish you a speedy recovery with as little pain as possible.
Plenty of Hugs today.
Pamela xxxx
The pain certainly hasn't dulled your excitement. Your joy is palpable. I'm so glad things went well.
All the best,
An envious Katy
Day number 2 post op...and sensation is coming back. The upper half of my breasts started to regain feeling by Monday evening, but yesterday found the lower hemisphere following close behind. That is where the sutures are and so I am now glad for pain meds. Nothing severe, just a dull ache. Still have not gone #2...this might be a painful experience when it happens. Bracing :/
I put on an old T-shirt last night and wow, what a difference! They really change my shape.
Quote from: kaitylynn on August 29, 2018, 09:04:15 AM
Day number 2 post op...and sensation is coming back. The upper half of my breasts started to regain feeling by Monday evening, but yesterday found the lower hemisphere following close behind. That is where the sutures are and so I am now glad for pain meds. Nothing severe, just a dull ache. Still have not gone #2...this might be a painful experience when it happens. Bracing :/
I put on an old T-shirt last night and wow, what a difference! They really change my shape.
@kaitylynn Dear Kaity:Your post-surgery updates are a joy to read, your happy words are exciting for all of us.
Oh yeah, for sure, all the pain pills and the anesthesia for the surgery do a great job of slowing down your digestive track... soon I hope that things will "come out" soon... LOL It can become quite uncomfortable until your gut gets back to normal.
Oh yeah, for sure, putting on a t-shirt and other curve revealing clothing will be an exciting time for you... I can hardly wait for when you get healed up enough that you can try on some new outfits, and if you feel so led, post a picture or two.
Again Kaity, I am certain that I am speaking for all of your followers.... we are so very happy for you.
Wishing you the best as always,
Hugs,
Danielle
Hey Danielle, have already placed all my dresses that I have out to pick the one that I wished most to have filled out! Cannot wait :D
Today is shower day as well. I will have a chance to release the binder they have me wearing for a half hour or so. Looking forward to free ranging a little...even if it is a very temporary state at this point of recovery.
I can raise my arms level with my shoulders without discomfort, so I would say my pain is being handled well.
Thanks for sharing another milestone on your journey. You have likely had thousands of showers in your life, but never one quite like this one. Hopefully you enjoyed the moment.
All the best,
Katy
Quote from: Katy on August 29, 2018, 04:42:30 PM
Thanks for sharing another milestone on your journey. You have likely had thousands of showers in your life, but never one quite like this one. Hopefully you enjoyed the moment.
All the best,
Katy
Oh Katy, I believe this one will rival a religious experience...too be clean! :D
Pain is managed well. Can feel things now and I am able to touch the top f my head without hurting. Pretty much thinking the pain meds are working well and I will start to ween from them as soon as I can. Not a big opiate fan.
Awoke early this morning, dressed myself and went for a walk around the neighborhood. Had to escape the confines of the house for a bit :) Nothing to report really. I honestly feel like tomorrow will be a shift from prescription pain meds to OTC and that will be a good thing. I really abhor the way opiates make me feel, though I do acknowledge that they work for what I needed them for.
So finally a proper results on a trip to the bathroom...4 days no-go, OWWW! Now that things have started to normalize I am much happier. I have been on a veggie diet with prunes and Senna since Monday. Did not anticipate that part.
Seeing my silhouette shadow from the moonlight got me to smile! They are so clearly there as they should have been all along. Happy happy happy!!!! :D
Heather and I are venturing out to our friend's restaurant this morning to pick up some breakfast. It will be my first car ride since Monday as well. I am looking forward to getting my fresh girls out into the world :)
@kaitylynn Dear Kaity:So nice to hear your upbeat, happy and wonderful update.....
For sure, finally a "proper trip to the bathroom" is such relief... It is miserable for sure, but now I am certain you feel better... you can run faster and jump higher.... an instant diet for sure!!!! LOL ;)
The pain meds and medical stuff can really foul up your internal plumbing.
It sure is nice that when you look in the mirror now... and also seeing your silhouette shadow showing your new curves is very gratifying to you without a doubt.
Have a good breakfast with Heather this morning and be proud to wear an outfit that will show the girls to the world.
You have been waiting for this for a long time.... now it is the time to enjoy!!!
Thank you for keeping us all up to date with your surgery and post surgery details.
Hugs,
DanielleQuote from: kaitylynn on August 30, 2018, 09:21:42 AM
Awoke early this morning, dressed myself and went for a walk around the neighborhood. Had to escape the confines of the house for a bit :) Nothing to report really. I honestly feel like tomorrow will be a shift from prescription pain meds to OTC and that will be a good thing. I really abhor the way opiates make me feel, though I do acknowledge that they work for what I needed them for.
So finally a proper results on a trip to the bathroom...4 days no-go, OWWW! Now that things have started to normalize I am much happier. I have been on a veggie diet with prunes and Senna since Monday. Did not anticipate that part.
Seeing my silhouette shadow from the moonlight got me to smile! They are so clearly there as they should have been all along. Happy happy happy!!!! :D
Heather and I are venturing out to our friend's restaurant this morning to pick up some breakfast. It will be my first car ride since Monday as well. I am looking forward to getting my fresh girls out into the world :)
So I have figured out that I am incapable of sleeping on my back...seriously, I need to heal up so I can side sleep! There it is. My one complaint.
So Heather and I were out for a bit yesterday. We stopped by Sunny Side Kitchen and grabbed some lunch. We know the owners and they came out to sit for a few minutes and we had some fun conversation, as always! While we were sitting at the outside tables, I became aware of just how much men stare at boobs. Yeah, yeah...I know everyone is thinking, "Uuuuhm, thank you mistress obvious!"...I guess I just never really paid that much attention to be honest. Anyway, I anticipated that I would draw more attention and I was not disappointed.
After lunch, we drove over to a local nursery to pick up a plant Heather had ordered for the house. It was then that I realized the three people I interacted with felt more relaxed in terms of energy. Not sure if that is exactly the right term...but it felt like there was less scrutiny than I usually feel from strangers. I walked up, they saw a girl and relaxed immediately. No guessing on their part as I have been so used to.
I kept catching my reflection in windows and such as we walked around. Whoa, what a difference!!! Like, I am going to have to get used to my body looking correctly proportioned. I am up for the challenge! :D
I am seriously looking forward to getting out again...though I have to say that I am not as ready to ditch the pain meds as I had thought. Even with the compression garment, bumps in the road are pretty rough at the moment. A few more days maybe and I will be right as rain!
Love you all, happy Friday!!!
Ok, so took my first true shower and not a sponge bath for the first time since my augmentation. Heather helped me out of the compression garment and I was able to see them for the first time...and all I could do was smile and cry! They are still riding high, but they are perfectly proportioned. I am so happy I can barely contain it!
I am also off pain meds. I took a half a pill at 6am, and then decided to see what would happen if I let things ride. There is a little discomfort along the suture line...not so much pain as an itchy tightness. Everything is clean and so I made it the entire day with nothing more than a couple of Advil at lunch time. Heather and I are readying for bed, so I took two more to get me through any potential pain tonight.
Now, if I can get through the cabin fever...
A most wonderful evening my brothers and sisters!
@kaitylynn Dear Kaity:Ahhh, finally a real shower, I am certain that sure felt good... ahh seeing your new twin girls for the very first time.... very nice indeed.
Also getting off of the pain meds will start making you feel better almost immediately... Pain meds are good when you absolutely need them but getting off of them as soon as feasible is always a good thing.
I will be looking forward to more of your happy updates... and when you feel comfortable doing so, pictures of you in your new "filled out" tops.
Hugs and well wishes as always,
DanielleQuote from: kaitylynn on August 31, 2018, 11:00:12 PM
Ok, so took my first true shower and not a sponge bath for the first time since my augmentation. Heather helped me out of the compression garment and I was able to see them for the first time...and all I could do was smile and cry! They are still riding high, but they are perfectly proportioned. I am so happy I can barely contain it!
I am also off pain meds. I took a half a pill at 6am, and then decided to see what would happen if I let things ride. There is a little discomfort along the suture line...not so much pain as an itchy tightness. Everything is clean and so I made it the entire day with nothing more than a couple of Advil at lunch time. Heather and I are readying for bed, so I took two more to get me through any potential pain tonight.
Now, if I can get through the cabin fever...
A most wonderful evening my brothers and sisters!
I can only imagine not one but two absolute feelings of elation and happiness and joy; first the knowledge that you have them albeit suffering some pain; second now that you can view them yourself for the first time. Two life long memories to retain for sure!
Sending you love
Pamela xx
Hopefully the pain meds will soon be a thing of the past and you can get back to being you, albeit with a new physique. I hope the healing process will continue without any complications.
All the best,
Katy
Thank you Katy! I have actually taken nothing for pain other than Ibuprofen since yesterday afternoon and took nothing this morning at all! The opiates had me all out of sorts and I am happy I do not need them.
Drove for the first time yesterday. Went well. No issues whatsoever, though I had Heather with me in case things were too much. Just ran out to pick up a light dinner and then we relaxed next to the lake for a bit before returning home. It was so nice to be out in the world that I was loath to head home :)
We are headed out this morning for a little girl time and then we are visiting with my therapist for a session at 2pm. It will be my first day out, but if yesterday is any indicator it will be fine. What I am not doing is lifting anything yet :D That can wait a few more weeks. Just to be among humanity for a while will be awesome.
@kaitylynn Dear Kaity:Wow, this is wonderful to hear, getting back to a normal routine.... it sounds like your healing is going quite well.
Oh yeah, getting off of those high powered pain relievers is also wonderful to hear. Without those drugs in your system, as long as you don't need them for pain, you will think clearer, feel better and be in a better mood. I am certain that you have been enjoying your day of being out and about...
I trust that your therapy appointment went well. Also do what the doctor says.... NO LIFTING !!!!!
Hugs and well wishes, I will eagerly be looking for more updates!!!
DanielleQuote from: kaitylynn on September 01, 2018, 11:24:41 AM
Thank you Katy! I have actually taken nothing for pain other than Ibuprofen since yesterday afternoon and took nothing this morning at all! The opiates had me all out of sorts and I am happy I do not need them.
Drove for the first time yesterday. Went well. No issues whatsoever, though I had Heather with me in case things were too much. Just ran out to pick up a light dinner and then we relaxed next to the lake for a bit before returning home. It was so nice to be out in the world that I was loath to head home :)
We are headed out this morning for a little girl time and then we are visiting with my therapist for a session at 2pm. It will be my first day out, but if yesterday is any indicator it will be fine. What I am not doing is lifting anything yet :D That can wait a few more weeks. Just to be among humanity for a while will be awesome.
Okay, quick update. Everything is going wonderfully, they are healing and settling well. The only issue I have run in to is that the binder that I am supposed to wear all the time is causing a skin reaction and my boobs, while perfect in all other ways, are rashy and itchy! It is nearly driving me nuts...
I have to custom cut paper towels to set between the garment and the skin. Definitely keeping things for comfortable, but uuugh!
Life is starting to become "normal" as their presence is starting to be natural. Not brushing things anymore :)
Quote from: kaitylynn on September 09, 2018, 07:35:08 AM
Okay, quick update. Everything is going wonderfully, they are healing and settling well. The only issue I have run in to is that the binder that I am supposed to wear all the time is causing a skin reaction and my boobs, while perfect in all other ways, are rashy and itchy! It is nearly driving me nuts...
I have to custom cut paper towels to set between the garment and the skin. Definitely keeping things for comfortable, but uuugh!
Life is starting to become "normal" as their presence is starting to be natural. Not brushing things anymore :)
@kaitylynn Following your post op experiences are exiting for sure.
In due time life with your twin girls will become quite normal for you...
... and it will be most interesting and encouraging for all to read your updates...
Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Hugs,
Danielle
So an update after going quiet for a while...
OMG, they are perfect! Like, whoa...I knew BA would make a difference in how I see my body, but I never pictured this much. Affirming, in a word.
So I went in for a two week post op and they were blown away at the results and cleared me to wear my sports bras during the day (thank gawd!!!) and the compression garment at night only. The compression bras is not fashionable, but worse...it is the single most uncomfortable garment I have ever worn! For that, it is doing what it needs to do.
I can sleep on my side finally :) Seriously, I do not think I slept for more than an hour at a time since having to sleep on my back and when I was told that I could start side sleeping again I was the happiest girl in the world!!! Granted, I have to curl up around pillows.
The doctor did tell me that I was not going to be cleared for heavy work until 6 weeks, so I need to probably take another week and then light duty stuff for the next week. I really do not want to mess the girls up. After 35 years of despair at their meager development, they need some TLC still!
Hard to believe that it is has only been three weeks. They are still sore a bit, but nothing that requires management.
Well, that is the update for now. Hope everyone is having the best Tuesday so far! <3
Yay! I am glad to hear that your recovery is going well and that you are happy with the results. That's what it's all about.
@kaitylynn Dear Kaity:I am so very happy to see our long-awaited update... It is wonderful that your healing is going so well and that your doctor is also happy with how everything is going with your recovery.
WOW, it is hard to believe that it has been 3 weeks since your surgery... where has the time gone? ???
I will be looking forward to your future updates as you can finally dress up in the feminine tops and outfits that will now fit and look like they should with your new figure and curves... no more need for extra padded and extra push up bras unless you want them for extra effect.
Continue doing what your doctor tells you to do... as you said
you don't want to mess the girls up after all that you have gone through.
Thank you for letting your followers know what is going on in your life and transition events.
Hugs and well wishes as always,
Danielle
@kaitylynn Dear Kaity:
We have not heard from you in ONE MONTH now.... we want to get an update from you about how you are doing with your new "twin girls" ... are you and them happy together???
I would imagine that you are enjoying all the new and proper fitting cloothing choices you have.
An update from you would be wonderful to see and to read.
Hugs and hugs, and as always, wishing you well,
Danielle
LOL, okay...in that month I forgot how to post! I was typing an update as I was headed out the door and was going to finish it as I got home...but I closed my browser down out of habit as I left the mamychine! Totally brain fogged!
An update...everything has healed up well and now I am enjoying watching everything sort of slide in to place! Minimal scarring, I can see where the incisions were but they are not dark in color. Happy about that!
I have to say that life is different. I am not really able to pin down the overall change, but I can say that other folks perceptions have changed. It feels like people suddenly see me without even a second thought. They glance, see middle aged woman with a woman's figure...no real second takes anymore. I love that! I really do have a better understanding of my surgeon stressing proportion! Now I have a proportionally female body and therefore simply am one.
There has also been a shift in my confidence, like it has shot up a lot. Looking back, I do not see that I lacked in confidence, but I can recall that I would be concerned whether others were seeing me correctly or now. Now...the giving of energy towards said concern has kind of vanished.
I did have an interesting experience with a customer, one who knows me pretty well...enough that she included a character in a book she is publishing. She has a lot of the back story, so very low walls. She had seen me about a six months prior to my BA and we had chit chatted about my thoughts on getting it done and she said she felt I was already average. That was almost eight months ago and on my first day headed back to work off my recovery leave and there she is on my schedule! I showed up and I could see a distinct changed in her demeanor towards me. I felt like she saw me as an equal for the first time...not exactly that, hard to find the correct words.
Anyway, I was working on the something in her kitchen and the conversation shifted to girl things. Like, we were having the inside track of things feminine, politics and makeup and clothes and stuff. She finally stopped for a second and took a more motherly tone.
She explained that she sees a woman now and so will everyone else and that comes with a set of dangers that we face. Be aware of your surroundings, we are constantly being looked at and watched. Be careful in parking lots going out to your car. She really outlined how frightening being a woman is, even in today's enlightened times. We ARE weaker and we must therefore use tools of observation to outwit the dangers. Not trying to be a downer with heavy stuff...just never have had that conversation before and it was sobering.
As I was leaving after the repairs were complete, I paused in front of their homes door...which is a huge glass piece and caught my own reflection. I was brought to a stop for a moment as I saw a me that was my dream, but so vastly different than I had been with Testosterone. I saw a girl, young at heart that really still has so much growing up to do...but is there and standing on her own two feet.
Jennifer noticed the pause and look...when I turned back to say another goodbye, she told me..."that's what I am talking about. You are now in the same place all the rest of womanhood is. Be smart, be careful."
So on the less serious, going back to work has been without real issue. The first week was a little rough...my arms had not been worked for over a month and I was acutely aware of my body, looking for any signs I was pushing too hard or anything. My boss was kind enough to cut my call volume down, so it was a good time to settle in again. Week 2 was a normal week with a normal volume of calls. Still fine and now I am through week three and it is like I was never away.
Finally able to go braless for parts of the day and it is crazy to see how my clothes fit with just my body in them! I was chatting with my aunt and she said that now I get to enjoy trying on all the cool outfits and enjoy what I see finally. OMG aunty, you are awesome! She bought me a really cute bra as a get well present as well :)
So, it is my B-Day and I am going to go greet the world. I think Heather and I are going to a celebration party for a friend. She broke the world record for fastest assisted bicycle speed. She invited us to her victory party. Other than that, really want to get out and fly my quad in some open areas. I need to range test it.
Hope everyone is having an awesome day!
Hello again Kaity
This is a wonderful beautiful summary all round. It is so uplifting to read of your progress physically emotionally and socially! I am so happy for you.
Hugs
Pamela
I have my last postop appt tomorrow and I already know he is going to be happy with how it turned out, as I am! Everything looks amazing and healing has been without any glitches. Heather and I were noticing that my scars are already starting to lighten up!
I am again glad that I went with the recommendation of my surgeon in terms of size. Everything has a really nice proportion.
Now starts the waiting for the next phase, FFS is likely in my future sometime in the next few years. For now, I am satisfied with how life is going. I am perfect is this moment and not matter what, that is living for me!
@kaitylynn Dear Kaity:I really enjoyed your ONE MONTH update that you posted here on your thread a couple weeks ago. I can identify with so much of what you were stating... and yes, it is fun now to try in clothes and have them fit correctly... and to be seen as a woman with a woman's figure is so very affirming.
I am so glad that you are looking forward to your post-op appointment, please give us all an update as this will be your last post-op checkup. I am also very pleased that you are happy with your size... that is certainly a most important decision to make, and of course the surgeon is always a key element in that kind of decision.
So, regarding a possible future FFS... what is it that you are considering fixing and what are your goals ???
Again, thank you for your recent updates... and thank you for sharing.
Hugs, and well wishes,
Danielle
So my surgeon is totally happy with how everything has turned out. Symmetrical, well shaped and the perfect size...he was really super happy for me and rightfully satisfied with his art.
Sometimes it feels like I still have to go so far to be whole and then I feel I am mostly complete already. It really is a matter of perspective and I have more than a few when I look in to myself. There are a few things I have wanted to change for a long while and FFS would cover a few of those things. Just something I want to do for myself, but as I reflect upon whether I need it or not, I find myself is a good place even now.
It is late and I am starting to get a little drowsy, so I will sign off for some rest with this...it is a wonderful thing to love ourselves!
Quote from: kaitylynn on November 07, 2018, 11:18:09 PM
So my surgeon is totally happy with how everything has turned out. Symmetrical, well shaped and the perfect size...he was really super happy for me and rightfully satisfied with his art.
Sometimes it feels like I still have to go so far to be whole and then I feel I am mostly complete already. It really is a matter of perspective and I have more than a few when I look in to myself. There are a few things I have wanted to change for a long while and FFS would cover a few of those things. Just something I want to do for myself, but as I reflect upon whether I need it or not, I find myself is a good place even now.
It is late and I am starting to get a little drowsy, so I will sign off for some rest with this...it is a wonderful thing to love ourselves!
@kaitylynn Dear Kaity:I am so very happy for you that all went well with your followup post-op visit with your surgeon.
My thoughts about FFS, if you need it consider doing it,
if you don't need it then enjoy life as you are now.
Obviously a future consult with the appropriate doctors might be something you would consider to help you make the decision that is right for you.
Based what I see in your Avatar... I am thinking that you look absolutely beautiful and feminine... and now with your BA all done, you might be "complete" already.
Thank you for sharing and for your update.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on November 07, 2018, 11:46:42 PM
@kaitylynn
Dear Kaity:
I am so very happy for you that all went well with your followup post-op visit with your surgeon.
My thoughts about FFS, if you need it consider doing it,
if you don't need it then enjoy life as you are now.
Obviously a future consult with the appropriate doctors might be something you would consider to help you make the decision that is right for you.
Based what I see in your Avatar... I am thinking that you look absolutely beautiful and feminine... and now with your BA all done, you might be "complete" already.
Thank you for sharing and for your update.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
Thanks Danielle! I appreciate your kind words, for sure...and that is where I spend a lot of my time. I did not realize BA would have such a profound effect on my sense of self. It feels like I really see me when I catch a glance of a reflection here and there. Life, affirmation unsought all the time. I suddenly see a happy path ahead of me.
I am relaxing after work, it is strange to be referred to as "hon" and "babe" by male customers. It is just the innocent sort of habitual reference that I had never hear before. People see me and it is still so new :)
Quote from: kaitylynn on November 07, 2018, 11:18:09 PM
So my surgeon is totally happy with how everything has turned out. Symmetrical, well shaped and the perfect size...he was really super happy for me and rightfully satisfied with his art.
Sometimes it feels like I still have to go so far to be whole and then I feel I am mostly complete already. It really is a matter of perspective and I have more than a few when I look in to myself. There are a few things I have wanted to change for a long while and FFS would cover a few of those things. Just something I want to do for myself, but as I reflect upon whether I need it or not, I find myself is a good place even now.
It is late and I am starting to get a little drowsy, so I will sign off for some rest with this...it is a wonderful thing to love ourselves!
Hello again Kaity
It is wonderful to see that YOU aswell as your surgeon are happy with the result.
I am so happy for you that you have reached such a point of contentment.
As you say, what this all about ultimately is the ability to love ourselves and I am so glad you are there now!
Hugs
Pamela
Hi Kaity,
It's been a while. Glad to hear things are going so well. Happy for you.
Moni
Wow, it has been long enough that I get the warning about posting in a 30+ day past thread!
I sort of dropped off the earth, at least on line...busiest time of the year for me, rescuing Holiday meals (appliance repair tech) and there has been barely a moment to breath since I was back in the field. In a few days I will be on a 4 day weekend, Heather and I are SO looking forward to it...then another 4 day for New Years :) Need the break, starting to get tired.
This past few months has brought about new differences. I think I have noticed it most with my female customers...lots of "sweetie" and "love" reference when they we are chatting, but now I am also getting it from male customers. It was alarming at first, just how many men view us as "babe" and "darling", just unconscious reference to us that feels like a new normal.
Everything has healed, the scars are barely noticeable and most of my "sensation" has returned following BA. They are perfect and I am super happy with how it all settled in! Being exceedingly chesty has surfaced some unintended consequence, I have to think through getting behind appliances now as the difference between B and DD is a lot! Just causes me to slow down and pay attention more to how I am doing what I do.
They finally got some sun on a bike ride Heather and I went on. That was her gift this year, a mountain bike and we brought mine out of the rafters of the garage and made it ride-able again. While out on the trail, it got a little warm and some I took my cover up off so that I was only wearing a jersey...a TIGHT jersey and the gazes from other riders had me feeling naked. That part is going to take some getting used to!
Some shift with my dad, he is finally no longer dead-naming me! He began using my real name after much resistance and we have spent a bit more time together over the past month. He had back surgery and I even spent a night at his house caregiving. He did not mix my name up once, though he still has troubles with pronouns...but little steps, he is 82 afterall!
So now that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and vacation blackout (from the end of October to the day after New Year) is ending so Heather and I have making a few plans to explore the country some. We are trying to plan a trip to either Portland Oregon or Sedona...not settled yet and we have friends in both locations.
More in a bit as time allows, just thought I would surface and take a few breaths as the final holiday repair push comes to pass!
Happiest of Holidays to everyone and may the coming year be better than the last! <3
Kaity good to see that you are doing fine. Yes, you do have to look before you start through the tight spot as DD do require more space to get through. With a tight shirt on they do project out from your chest showing what you have there. Glad you are enjoying them as that is why you had the surgery.
Kaity
I always enjoy reading your updates and your other posts on Susans. Glad you are well.
I wish you a Happy Christmas and likewise hope things continue to be good and to get better in 2019. Enjoy your trips also.
Hugs
Pamela
@kaitylynn Dear Kaity:
I trust that all is OK with you and that your past year in 2018 is something that you can look back on with happiness.
This past year since I have met you on the Forums has been most enjoyable.
I have very much enjoyed swapping comments and thoughts with you.
Obviously there are some bumps in the road that all of us experience so we continue to hang on for an exciting ride.
It was wonderful for me to meet you on the Forums this past year...
I have so much enjoyed your updates as you continue on in your journey.
Thank you for feeling free to share your life events with all of us.
I am so very happy that I found you and your thread on the Forums this last year and I will be eagerly following your upcoming reports and updates in the New Year in 2019.
Wishing you a very
HAPPY NEW YEAR in 2019...
Hugs and as always, well wishes.
Danielle
I have been kind of riding on a cloud for the past several month...what a pleasant feeling! Sort of got lost in life and strangely that scared me a bit. After so many years of struggling, I wonder if this is how most people experience things. The last 3 months have really found me suddenly living as me without focus on where I come from.
Many positive things going on. My oldest daughter that I have not seen in a few years came out to visit Heather and I...and I met my granddaughter Izzy!!!!! ;D OMG, she is adorable!
My youngest graduated from a program and decided to move back to Ohio. It is kind of crazy to think that my kids are now over halfway across the country. It makes me sad, but I get to talk to them any time I want so just a matter of geography for visits.
Heather and I have been doing ok. My sass has been strong and I am think it is starting to bug her. I need to be nice!
I am healed up from my BA and everything is crazy perfect. I have gotten used to the size increase and am happily back at work. The only issue is I gained 20 pounds post surgery and now I have to start focusing on getting it back off! Just need to focus really.
Hopefully everyone is well!
@kaitylynn Dear Kaity:Thank you so very much for coming back to your thread to treat all of your followers to your update and your transition life endeavors. 2 months is way too long for us to hear from you again... but of course you are not obligated to post anything but only post when you are comfortable doing so...
Ahhhh,
"riding on a cloud" is good!!! Finally living life as the new you without always thinking about your past is where transition hopefully leads most of us... to finally live freely and experiencing day to day life as we have desired doing.... definitely a wonderful feeling.
Finally seeing your oldest daughter again after a few years and now being able to meet your granddaughter Izzy... fun times for sure.
I hear you about family living so far away but with internet, facetime, skype and all of that it does make it quite palatable as compared to the past with expensive long distance telephone calls and snail mail. We are truly blessed in this day and age of consumer oriented technological advancements. My own family and old friends are thousands of miles away but I can keep in touch with them if they would answer my calls. Of course, there is always air travel to get me back to my old home town like the trip I took at Christmas time.
It is good to read that you are pleased with your recent BA... for sure it is nice to have your clothes fit properly now without temporary extraordinary measures.
Yes indeed, be focused and determined to get that extra 20 pounds back off... it goes on so easily and quickly and comes off so slowly with great difficulty... keep on keeping on.
Thank you again for your long awaited update. I will be eagerly looking for more posting from you as you feel so led to share with us.
Hugs and as always, best wishes,
Danielle
Quote from: kaitylynn on February 28, 2019, 09:14:45 PM
I have been kind of riding on a cloud for the past several month...what a pleasant feeling! Sort of got lost in life and strangely that scared me a bit. After so many years of struggling, I wonder if this is how most people experience things. The last 3 months have really found me suddenly living as me without focus on where I come from.
Hello again Kaity
It is so uplifting to read your latest summary. I am so happy for you.
Also Yes I strongly suspect from so much evidence here on Susans that most of us do experience for quite some considerable time the constantly upbeat euphoric feeling of living the life we all previously longed for and how it should always have been.
Hugs
Pamela xx