LOL, okay...in that month I forgot how to post! I was typing an update as I was headed out the door and was going to finish it as I got home...but I closed my browser down out of habit as I left the mamychine! Totally brain fogged!
An update...everything has healed up well and now I am enjoying watching everything sort of slide in to place! Minimal scarring, I can see where the incisions were but they are not dark in color. Happy about that!
I have to say that life is different. I am not really able to pin down the overall change, but I can say that other folks perceptions have changed. It feels like people suddenly see me without even a second thought. They glance, see middle aged woman with a woman's figure...no real second takes anymore. I love that! I really do have a better understanding of my surgeon stressing proportion! Now I have a proportionally female body and therefore simply am one.
There has also been a shift in my confidence, like it has shot up a lot. Looking back, I do not see that I lacked in confidence, but I can recall that I would be concerned whether others were seeing me correctly or now. Now...the giving of energy towards said concern has kind of vanished.
I did have an interesting experience with a customer, one who knows me pretty well...enough that she included a character in a book she is publishing. She has a lot of the back story, so very low walls. She had seen me about a six months prior to my BA and we had chit chatted about my thoughts on getting it done and she said she felt I was already average. That was almost eight months ago and on my first day headed back to work off my recovery leave and there she is on my schedule! I showed up and I could see a distinct changed in her demeanor towards me. I felt like she saw me as an equal for the first time...not exactly that, hard to find the correct words.
Anyway, I was working on the something in her kitchen and the conversation shifted to girl things. Like, we were having the inside track of things feminine, politics and makeup and clothes and stuff. She finally stopped for a second and took a more motherly tone.
She explained that she sees a woman now and so will everyone else and that comes with a set of dangers that we face. Be aware of your surroundings, we are constantly being looked at and watched. Be careful in parking lots going out to your car. She really outlined how frightening being a woman is, even in today's enlightened times. We ARE weaker and we must therefore use tools of observation to outwit the dangers. Not trying to be a downer with heavy stuff...just never have had that conversation before and it was sobering.
As I was leaving after the repairs were complete, I paused in front of their homes door...which is a huge glass piece and caught my own reflection. I was brought to a stop for a moment as I saw a me that was my dream, but so vastly different than I had been with Testosterone. I saw a girl, young at heart that really still has so much growing up to do...but is there and standing on her own two feet.
Jennifer noticed the pause and look...when I turned back to say another goodbye, she told me..."that's what I am talking about. You are now in the same place all the rest of womanhood is. Be smart, be careful."
So on the less serious, going back to work has been without real issue. The first week was a little rough...my arms had not been worked for over a month and I was acutely aware of my body, looking for any signs I was pushing too hard or anything. My boss was kind enough to cut my call volume down, so it was a good time to settle in again. Week 2 was a normal week with a normal volume of calls. Still fine and now I am through week three and it is like I was never away.
Finally able to go braless for parts of the day and it is crazy to see how my clothes fit with just my body in them! I was chatting with my aunt and she said that now I get to enjoy trying on all the cool outfits and enjoy what I see finally. OMG aunty, you are awesome! She bought me a really cute bra as a get well present as well
So, it is my B-Day and I am going to go greet the world. I think Heather and I are going to a celebration party for a friend. She broke the world record for fastest assisted bicycle speed. She invited us to her victory party. Other than that, really want to get out and fly my quad in some open areas. I need to range test it.
Hope everyone is having an awesome day!
