Hi everyone. So yesterday I was at my grandparents house helping my grandma do some stuff and my grandpa and uncle come in. My uncle goes over there a lot unfortunately. If I know he's there or supposed to be going over there then I make sure not to be there. My grandma understands that I'm happy to help her with anything but if my uncle shows up while Im there then I will leave. So when he showed up yesterday I got my stuff and left. I was about to get in my car when he comes outside. He said he guessed I was pretty much recovered. I told him yes I was. Then he said " well I would love to see it if you ever want to take a picture of it and send it to me". I told him he wasn't funny. He said he wasn't trying to be funny. He totally meant it!!
I told him he was disgusting and that I couldn't believe he would be such a perve. He said he just wanted to see if it looked real and how it compared to a real one. He said he figured I would be anxious to show it off. I told him I would never go around showing everyone my genitalia and that he had a nasty mind. Then he asked me if he was supposed to believe I hadn't let anyone see it. I told him the only person who has seen it was Tristan. He said " oh yeah right. Like Tyler and your dad haven't seen it". I told him of course they hadn't and that it was messed up that he would think that. He said he figured after my dad had spent that much money on my surgery he would want to see if he got his moneys worth. He said he sure would. I told him that was because he was a perve and my dad was not. Then he said he didn't care what I said that he knew Tyler had seen it. Then he said " considering how" "close" (he did the air quotes) you two have always been I figured he would have been the first to see it and it wouldn't surprise me if he was the first to try it out".
I literally had to force myself not to slap him across the face! I told him he was a twisted ## and got in the car and left. I couldn't believe he actually said that stuff to me! But on the way home I thought about it. No doubt my uncle is perverted. I knew that already. But his wanting to see my muffin wasn't even so much about him being a perve. It's because he does not and never will consider me female. To him I'm just a " ->-bleeped-<-" with a created vagina so he didn't see anything wrong with his asking to see it. But what he said about Tyler and I was totally pervy. He has kind of implied before that Tyler and I were having some kind of sexual thing. My dad has yelled at him and thrown him out of our house a couple of times for that. The only thing I can figure is that he could never understand why my brother had been loving toward me rather that trying to beat the gay out of me like a "good" older brother should because that's what he would have done. I guess he thought I had turned Tyler gay as well. He actually warned Tyler a few times over the years that he better be careful he didn't "turn into a ->-bleeped-<-" from spending a lot of time with me.
I didn't tell my dad or Tyler what my uncle did and I'm not going to. Nothing at all good would come from telling them and I don't want to create more drama with him. I have always hated him but now I think he's a disgusting perve as well. I totally wish he would move someplace far away like my mom did. I would even help him pack.
Wow! I am so sorry. He is the worst kind of pig. He gets on you like this, but I think he really wants to do you. Why else would he talk like this. He's the secret "->-bleeped-<-", he's hating on himself because he's attracted to you. That's my take on it.
I think finally your dad might kick his butt. If anyone talked to my daughter like that it would be on. Can you get a restraining order?
Your uncle is a disgusting perverted pig!!!
If he continues to act in this manner, you absolutely need to talk to your father!
Hugs, Jess
I think you need to talk to your grandparents too, so they can keep him away if you go there. You have a right to see them "unmolested".
Sorry to hear that. Remember that it isn't your fault. You can't choose your relatives.
Sorry Julie, that was gross. I am reminded of how many people can compartmentalize and sexualize us in to clinical parts for comparative purposes.
It seems he completely misses or disregards your humanity and the effort required to own your identity. Smart of you to give him little time on your busy wavelengths.
Julia you need to tell your dad about this conversation. His brother is perverted. Remember that keeping it a secret will only empower him. He believes he said nothing wrong, just like all abusers. That's what he is.
Judi
Two words: Restraining Order.
Tell your dad. Not telling him is just protecting the perve. It's not your fault and family should know what they're dealing with.
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Quote from: Julia1996 on July 21, 2018, 11:39:39 AM
I didn't tell my dad or Tyler what my uncle did and I'm not going to. Nothing at all good would come from telling them and I don't want to create more drama with him. I have always hated him but now I think he's a disgusting perve as well. I totally wish he would move someplace far away like my mom did. I would even help him pack.
You absolutely need to tell your family. That man is an absolute pig and telling people is the only way you'll get him off your back. If all else fails though, get a restraining order.
Hope things get better!
Lots of Love,
X Maria
Your uncle mentally molested you. It's not much different than being physical molested. To not tell your father, your uncle will get away with far worse than he has already done. I don't care how tough you are, you need your father's help with this. With your father being a cop, he may be able to do what it takes to stop your uncle fom harrassing you any further. Sexual assault is no joke, even if it is only verbally.
Hi Julia,
I am glad you have come back. It is good to see you posting here again. You have always been a popular entity on the forums and you were missed.
As far as the family pervert goes I am on the side of every else here your family should be told. They need to know in order to protect you from him. You say nothing good will become of telling them, but Hun, you are wrong. you Dad, Tyler, Tristan, and your grandparents all love you and will be on your side in this. He needs to know that you will not put up with his crap and your family will help get that point across to him.
Hugs,
Laurie
Hi Julia, I am sorry that happened to you. He is not a safe person and you need to distance yourself from him. Your family needs to know what he did and that you and he are not to be in the same place.
Hi, Julia.
Here's yet another "vote" for telling your dad and the rest of the family - I am just wondering if a restraining order would be strong enough to protect you from that vile scumbag.
I'm happy to see you posting again, even if it isn't such a happy subject.
Susan
I took everyone's advice and told my dad when he got home. He was was very unhappy about it. His ears turned red which is always a sign he is really pissed off. He went over to my uncle's house to talk to him. I will let everyone know what happened with that when he gets home. I have no idea what my dad's going to do. But I'm sure it won't be anything violent. My dad is exceptionally good at controlling his temper and not hitting someone even though he might really want to. He had to learn that being a cop.
Thank you. We're all glad you informed your Dad. This was an important step to take.
Also as Laurie noted, I am glad you are back to posting regularly. I missed your wit and humor. You see things I could never see and it makes for a brighter day to read about your "escapades and observations". I hope your healing is going well.
Judi
Ooh! That's good. Sounds like such an adorable dad. Protecting his daughter. Geez I wish i had a daughter father relationship with mine
Good news! I hope he doesn't break your uncle's face, but wouldn't blame him.
Your Uncle's disgusting. You should have chinned him long ago
It's good to have a Julia fix again. Welcome back. I echo everyone's sentiments here. Your uncle is a pig, and it was the right thing to do in telling your dad. Looking eagerly to what happens next.
Bari Jo
My dad told my uncle he couldn't believe his own brother would say that stuff to me and that he should get some therapy. Then he told him he needed to stay the hell away from me and that if he ran into me by accident, like at my grandparents, to stay away from me and not to say anything at all. Then he told him it was pretty rich that he would accuse Tyler and I of incest when he had asked for a picture of my genitalia being my uncle and all. He told him if there were any further incidents then he would take action and that my uncle totally would not like what happened. This time even my uncle's wife wasn't on his side. My dad told her he needed to talk to my uncle in private and she refused and told him she wasn't going anywhere. He said when she found out what my uncle did she was not happy. My uncle said it wasn't a big deal and that he just wanted to see if it looked real. She told him it didn't matter what it looked like and he shouldn't concern himself with it. Then when she found out what he said about Tyler and I she said that was just sick and asked him why something like that would even be something he would even think about.
My dad said he was going to tell my grandparents about what he said. I did tell Tyler about it. He was really disgusted and said my uncle was a sick ##. When I told him about the incest comments my uncle made he just rolled his eyes and said according to my uncles perved out thinking he and I should have left the state and tried to get married under assumed names. He said my uncle has been fixated on the whole incest idea for so long that he has to wonder if the idea of incest has some sick appeal to him and he wonders if my uncle is secretly into it or something. I can't even imagine what my grandparents are going to say to my uncle over all this but I totally doubt it will be anything good.
That's good news. He made his own bed, now he has to lie in it.
OMG!!!!!!! I am so so sorry that happened to you. You would think family would have respect for each other. >:(
I think this is one of the most shocking posts I have ever read on this site and echo the views of all of the previous respondents.
I once heard about a study which concluded that the most homophobic individuals were often those who were trying to cover up the fact that they were 'turned on' by homosexuality. I wonder whether your uncle's vile comments were driven not by disgust for you but by a deep seated fascination and admiration for what you have achieved.
Whatever the reason, though, the whole thing is inexcusable and disgusting
Up to this incident, I thought that maybe, just maybe, your uncle, by projecting his own macho fears onto you, was trying in a twisted way to "save" you from GRS. I thought that by sending you flowers and a get well card while you were recovering, he might just be starting to accept that you are a woman and might let up on his harassment.
Now, however, it is undisputibly clear that he is just a vindictive pig.
What your uncle said was so awful that I would suspect that he was trying to provoke you and your father into taking legal action, or cause trouble with your grandparents, over an incident that you might not be able to prove. Your uncle may have been thinking that as there is already a restraining order against your mother, it might look as though you and your father are troublemakers if action was taken against him too. I don't know anything about US law but in Britain there is the concept of "vexatious litigation", in which a history of taking repeated legal action can be held against a plaintiff. However, two such actions would not be enough to qualify. Besides, your uncle admitted, to your father, the vile things that he said to you.
I am so sorry that you have such a relative. Avoid him, avoid him, avoid him! Someone who is not ashamed to admit saying those things is capable of anything.
Hello Julie
I know that we're at opposite ends of the spectrum but yet were cut from the same cloth.
I honestly did my best to stay out of this sensing all the passion expressed.
I'm really kind of horrified by everything I read twice and stepped outside to take a little walk trying to stay out of it but I'm so used to being wrong, how much worse can it get but anyways
the only inspiration I receive through nature mainly
Despite of his previous actions please do not give up on your uncle, people do definitely change over time. As I most sincerely wish this would happen for you.
And even if this is within the slightest realm of possibility , do not totally give up on him as I have no uncles left I wish I had even a slight chance with one that felt as yours did.
I know that my sentiment expressed was unlike any other reply I read, so please beat up on me as much as you want.
and to Julia I only wish the very best for you dear
I have learned from only the couple months I've been here that people do change and sometimes emotions are put to rest over a period of time and this is what I ultimately wish for you dear sometimes blood is thicker than water.
Are we not All God's Children and all equal to draw breath none the less, as many feel we should not even have this right to
breathe.
all the very best to your future love Tatiana
Hi Julia, 22 July 2018
Sorry for the stupidity and obnoxiousness of that POS pseudo relative. I hope your Dad beats the crap out of him. He being a good cop won't do that but I bet he feels like it. I'm going to guess this jerk is quite a bit younger than your Dad.
If he has children it might be a good idea to have someone ask them if their father ever molested them. If he did there's a good chance he could spend a good bit of time in the "Graybar Hotel" where he will be treated accordingly by the other inmates.
Something you might want to do is buy a pocket voice recorder and keep it handy in case you have another encounter with him. That would probably be enough evidence to get a judge to issue a restraining order against him. If he violates it he could very well end up in jail.
I wish I could use the unique vocabulary I acquired in the Navy in describing my exact sentiments on this *tard; the censors would have hard-attacks had I choose to do so; I'd most likely be banned for life or maybe even executed or excommunicated.
Well Julia, I want to apologize for the human race for having spawned that useless piece of garbage. Unfortunately nature isn't always perfect and scum manages to slip through the cracks.
I'm happy you are back; hope all is well with you health wise. You are without a doubt one of my favorite poster's on this site. You have a unique talent, which I hope you will use in your professional life. You are truly gifted.
Best Always, Love,
Christine
It may seem like a minor point in relation to the incident but it does concern me.
When your uncle said those vile things, you got into your car and drove away. It is understandable that you wanted to get away as quickly as possible. You must have been very upset, though, which is hardly the safest state of mind for driving. You don't need my advice on driving safely but in future, if you must drive in such a state, consider driving very carefully for only a short distance and parking safely until you feel calm.
Quote from: Julia1996 on July 22, 2018, 09:45:46 AM
My dad told my uncle he couldn't believe his own brother would say that stuff to me and that he should get some therapy. Then he told him he needed to stay the hell away from me and that if he ran into me by accident, like at my grandparents, to stay away from me and not to say anything at all. Then he told him it was pretty rich that he would accuse Tyler and I of incest when he had asked for a picture of my genitalia being my uncle and all. He told him if there were any further incidents then he would take action and that my uncle totally would not like what happened. This time even my uncle's wife wasn't on his side. My dad told her he needed to talk to my uncle in private and she refused and told him she wasn't going anywhere. He said when she found out what my uncle did she was not happy. My uncle said it wasn't a big deal and that he just wanted to see if it looked real. She told him it didn't matter what it looked like and he shouldn't concern himself with it. Then when she found out what he said about Tyler and I she said that was just sick and asked him why something like that would even be something he would even think about.
My dad said he was going to tell my grandparents about what he said. I did tell Tyler about it. He was really disgusted and said my uncle was a sick ##. When I told him about the incest comments my uncle made he just rolled his eyes and said according to my uncles perved out thinking he and I should have left the state and tried to get married under assumed names. He said my uncle has been fixated on the whole incest idea for so long that he has to wonder if the idea of incest has some sick appeal to him and he wonders if my uncle is secretly into it or something. I can't even imagine what my grandparents are going to say to my uncle over all this but I totally doubt it will be anything good.
With any luck, your uncle will be disowned by your entire family tree. He is unworthy of any compassion. He certainly sounds like a sexual predator. I am so sorry you had to deal with such a disgusting pig.
Quote from: Julia1996 on July 21, 2018, 08:29:40 PM
I took everyone's advice and told my dad when he got home. He was was very unhappy about it. His ears turned red which is always a sign he is really pissed off. He went over to my uncle's house to talk to him. I will let everyone know what happened with that when he gets home. I have no idea what my dad's going to do. But I'm sure it won't be anything violent. My dad is exceptionally good at controlling his temper and not hitting someone even though he might really want to. He had to learn that being a cop.
I'm not sure if good luck is the right term but I mean it anyway!!!
You'll have to let us know what happens. Hopefully you'll never have to see that idiot again.
Lots of love
Maria
To All, 22 July 2018
One thing to keep in mind: Pedophiles, Child Abusers and sexual predators CANNOT be rehabilitated. Their recidivism rate is 100%. The only time rehabilitation works is when the perpetrator is imprisoned and the general population comes in contact with them. They will never offend again.
Best Always, Love,
Christine
Oh my god. I don't know how you didn't run him down with the car. What an out and out pig. So glad your family is backing you up. Send info you strength and love and keep
On moving forward and stay positive
This might sound even more twisted but I kinda sensed he might actually be attracted to trans women? Which would explain his extreme "hatred" towards you, he's just covering up for his attraction to tgirls.
Why, do my old eyes deceive me? Is that lil' Julia, back from the dead? Come on, get closer, let granny Ellie get a good look at you dearie. Why, you are as cute and sweet as ever! Here, have a butterscotch.
Quote from: Charlie Nicki on July 22, 2018, 10:12:31 PM
This might sound even more twisted but I kinda sensed he might actually be attracted to trans women? Which would explain his extreme "hatred" towards you, he's just covering up for his attraction to tgirls.
I agree! This could explain a lot.
Quote from: Roll on July 22, 2018, 10:16:36 PM
Why, do my old eyes deceive me? Is that lil' Julia, back from the dead? Come on, get closer, let granny Ellie get a good look at you dearie. Why, you are as cute and sweet as ever! Here, have a butterscotch.
The butterscotch is a lie! [emoji23]
Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk
Quote from: Tatiana 79 on July 22, 2018, 01:42:13 PM
Hello Julie
I know that we're at opposite ends of the spectrum but yet were cut from the same cloth.
I honestly did my best to stay out of this sensing all the passion expressed.
I'm really kind of horrified by everything I read twice and stepped outside to take a little walk trying to stay out of it but I'm so used to being wrong, how much worse can it get but anyways
the only inspiration I receive through nature mainly
Despite of his previous actions please do not give up on your uncle, people do definitely change over time. As I most sincerely wish this would happen for you.
And even if this is within the slightest realm of possibility , do not totally give up on him as I have no uncles left I wish I had even a slight chance with one that felt as yours did.
I know that my sentiment expressed was unlike any other reply I read, so please beat up on me as much as you want.
and to Julia I only wish the very best for you dear
I have learned from only the couple months I've been here that people do change and sometimes emotions are put to rest over a period of time and this is what I ultimately wish for you dear sometimes blood is thicker than water.
Are we not All God's Children and all equal to draw breath none the less, as many feel we should not even have this right to
breathe.
all the very best to your future love Tatiana
Hi Tatiana, 23 July 2018
The more I have thought about this topic the more I realized you are on target and I'm not. There is nothing wrong with what you posted. Not agreeing with everyone is your right; you expressed a forgiving attitude and that's a good thing. The problem arises when everyone agrees and no one proposes a different opinion. This can stimulate mob rule. Issues need to be discussed and differing opinions expressed.
Your post reminded me that her uncle has not been charged or tried for a crime, but I was ready to assassinate him without a trial. I was wrong and you are right.
Never be afraid to express your opinion; this is a free country and by expressing your opinion when the crowd is moving in a different direction, you may possibly help prevent a great tragedy from occurring and help keep this country free. "The price of liberty is eternal vigilance." Thomas Jefferson
I think the best advice for Julia is to wait and see how her uncle reacts to her father's talk. If he persists in his evil ways, then law enforcement should be brought into the picture. I think her Father is the ideal person to handle this situation.
Thank you Tatiana for your post; I'm glad you posted it. A cooler head, yours, has prevailed. You are right and I was wrong.
Having Crow for supper this evening; anyone care to join me?
Best Always, Love,
Christine
:police:
Can we keep control over the responses please.
I would think that in today's world with the problems that we all face and the leadership issues that there are, that we would be best served by consideration and cool heads.
Please let us not have a Lynch mob mentality.
Julia is safe.
She is a strong woman and has a loving family. She raised a concern and and reported a horrible experience. She showed her grit, her maturity and her strength in dealing with it. She is very fortunate to have a father who loves and cares for her.
Please don't let her down by us lot flying off the handle!!! No matter how much we want too!!!!!
Cindy
Quote from: Julia1996 on July 22, 2018, 09:45:46 AM
......He said my uncle has been fixated on the whole incest idea for so long...
(Hugs) sweetie, he sounds revolting.
From the leaves of an unknown book - (also known as random sayings that have been picked up in the school of life), when someone tells you what they are, listen carefully.
Do you have an Aunt? Does your dad have a female close cousin? Quite simply that's one big red flag, right there that in his mind, he thinks that is normal. You ONLY think that sort of behaviour is normal when you were involved in such activities yourself. He is projecting.
Whether that is fantasy, or reality, is by the by - you need to keep yourselves safe, and posting here :)
(Hugs)
Rowan
It's no different in northern Missouri. Same backwoods mentality here, too. I avoid the parts of my family that are like that as if they have the plague.
This is why I enjoy living several states away from my family members.
Sorry to hear about having to deal with this.
His hatred of you has cost him so much, yet he still clings to it so strongly. It's bizarre!
Julia, I can't believe the restraint you showed. That is unreal the gall of him asking for pictures. Makes my stomach turn. I'm so sorry that you have to endure this kind of abuse from a family member.
*Hugs*
Julia, you have a beautiful relationship with your Dad and Brother. Don't let anyone take that away from you. Your father has seen what is best for you, and has no problem seeing that you become the best you possibly can. These lamebrained knuckle draggers like your uncle just don't have what it takes to understand that it is not something you woke up one day to discover. Hey how would it be to be a woman? I can imagine the pain you have gone through and you are lucky to have such a caring Father and Brother. Kick your uncle to the curb and get on with your new life. Sounds like cousin Eddie from Vacation. You don't need toxic people around you. Glad to hear you are recovering well.
Julia, I've read a few posts now regarding your uncle, and one thing is becoming very clear to me. He's trying to push your buttons. He's trying to get to you in the best way he knows how to do it. By constantly drawing attention to something that, for you, is normal. Being yourself.
He's behaving like an internet troll. Seriously. I'm sure to him it's all pretty funny. He's trying to get a rise out of you, sweetie. That's all. You mentioned that he might not ever see it as normal, you being who you are. But from what I've read of him from your posts, he knows which gears to grind to get you worked up. What to say to get to you.
Think about it. What's the best way to keep something in people's attention? Keep talking about it. Keep pressing the issue and keep making a big deal out of it. When you do that, it never goes away. By the sounds of it your uncle doesn't want it to go away because he has a problem with it. And the best way he's figured out how to make it not go away is to keep drawing attention to it. And to do that he winds you up at every opportunity because he knows you'll take the bait. I'd honestly be surprised if he actually believes the words coming out of his mouth. He just knows they get to you.
While ever he does this... Julia, it makes it into a thing for him. A thing it shouldn't be. And it makes it into a thing for you. It keeps it there right in the middle. Where both he and you are thinking about it. It shouldn't be like that. You should be allowed to just live your life like every other person.
There's an expression I heard once and I rather like: "Don't fight fire with fire. Use water instead. It's much more effective." The best way to stop someone getting to you is to show them they can't get to you. The same goes for anyone in life who tries to get to you over something, and tries to exploit something in your life to make an issue over it, not just your uncle.
You are who you are, Julia. And you just want to be who you are. So be who you are, okay? If he says anything designed to very obviously start an argument then just shut him down. Say nothing if needs be. Ignore him. Smile sweetly at him with a "My life is how I want it to be... how's yours?" smile and then walk away.
People have nowhere to go when you do that. If he sees that nothing he can say can bother you, then maybe he'll stop saying it. Because the result he wants won't appear. Maybe once he sees that you don't feel the need to justify yourself, or who you are, and are content to just live your own life... he'll leave it alone. Because there's really nothing left to say. When one person acts like that, all they do is make themselves look like a fool. You don't need to say anything... people see.
*big hug*
Dear Julia
Know that I only wish the very best for you and wish I had a crystal ball to see the best possible outcome for you. but unfortunately I do not but know this that if your uncle really crosses Over The Line which is already borderline I admit he will pay for his actions in this life and will be judged for them, by his creator in the next
I know absolutely nothing or have any experience of discrimination other than merely in a dream. And I'm truly horrified of all that you've been subject to.
I know you try to stay away from him as much as you can but being family this can be difficult.
Is it possible to defuse this situation by not letting him feed off of your emotion, and being completely unaffected by any words that come out of his mouth. But I would bet no because you've probably already tried everything possible you could.
we are better than them Julia please don't lower yourself to his standards going toe-to-toe with them is probably just what he wants.
I hope you can take the high road which is often more difficult but more honorable and will help all of our cause further by not lowering yourself to his level.
and to Christine no one's right or wrong it's merely our opinions
and Julia know that I'm in your corner and wish only the very best for you. we are better than them
love Tatiana
Quote from: Sephirah on July 23, 2018, 01:36:23 PM
Julia, I've read a few posts now regarding your uncle, and one thing is becoming very clear to me. He's trying to push your buttons. He's trying to get to you in the best way he knows how to do it. By constantly drawing attention to something that, for you, is normal. Being yourself.
He's behaving like an internet troll. Seriously. I'm sure to him it's all pretty funny. He's trying to get a rise out of you, sweetie. That's all. You mentioned that he might not ever see it as normal, you being who you are. But from what I've read of him from your posts, he knows which gears to grind to get you worked up. What to say to get to you.
Think about it. What's the best way to keep something in people's attention? Keep talking about it. Keep pressing the issue and keep making a big deal out of it. When you do that, it never goes away. By the sounds of it your uncle doesn't want it to go away because he has a problem with it. And the best way he's figured out how to make it not go away is to keep drawing attention to it. And to do that he winds you up at every opportunity because he knows you'll take the bait. I'd honestly be surprised if he actually believes the words coming out of his mouth. He just knows they get to you.
While ever he does this... Julia, it makes it into a thing for him. A thing it shouldn't be. And it makes it into a thing for you. It keeps it there right in the middle. Where both he and you are thinking about it. It shouldn't be like that. You should be allowed to just live your life like every other person.
There's an expression I heard once and I rather like: "Don't fight fire with fire. Use water instead. It's much more effective." The best way to stop someone getting to you is to show them they can't get to you. The same goes for anyone in life who tries to get to you over something, and tries to exploit something in your life to make an issue over it, not just your uncle.
You are who you are, Julia. And you just want to be who you are. So be who you are, okay? If he says anything designed to very obviously start an argument then just shut him down. Say nothing if needs be. Ignore him. Smile sweetly at him with a "My life is how I want it to be... how's yours?" smile and then walk away.
People have nowhere to go when you do that. If he sees that nothing he can say can bother you, then maybe he'll stop saying it. Because the result he wants won't appear. Maybe once he sees that you don't feel the need to justify yourself, or who you are, and are content to just live your own life... he'll leave it alone. Because there's really nothing left to say. When one person acts like that, all they do is make themselves look like a fool. You don't need to say anything... people see.
*big hug*
I agree with this. In fact, if he does talk to you, perhaps no response is the best response. Give him no words. Give him no facial expressions. Give him nothing at all. Keep your chill and walk away. Also couldn't hurt to pull out your phone and hit record every time he tries to talk to you. Evidence would be useful if you ever need to build a case for a restraining order.
I haven't seen signs of a lynch mob yet, although Christine is right to regret anticipating imprisonment and violence against Julia's uncle.
For myself, I regret that a number of us used the p word to insult her uncle, not because I think that it was unfair or inaccurate but because it was unnecessary. His own words and actions are far more damning than our necessarily restrained language.
Tatiana was sweet, in her first response, to hope for love and reconciliation, especially if she was aware that the latest incident is just the most recent and most sinister in a long campaign of harassment that included Julia's uncle confronting her in her workplace. I admit that until the latest incident, I myself hoped that with GRS being a fait accompli, the reason for the harassment would end and Julia's uncle would become reconciled to her being a woman. Although it was Tatiana's first reply that gained praise, I think that her more restrained second reply is wiser.
Sephirah's advice may also be wise, especially if Julia's uncle is just a run-of-the-mill bully who happened to pick on his niece and will just pick on someone else if he fails with her. However, even if he is a run-of-the-mill bully, and I am not sure that he is, ignoring him will not necessarily end his harassment. Many bullies really do not like being ignored and their behaviour can escalate.
Cindy was right about Julia showing maturity and strength. This is shown, e.g., by the fact that she considered not telling her father or brother about the incident, in the hope of shielding them from her problems. I think that she was right to tell them, though, as escalating harassment is a danger signal. Cindy was also right to caution us to use restrained language, although as I said, I haven't seen signs of a lynch mob yet.
However, only Julia is in a position to say whether she is safe.
Although we cannot presume that her uncle intends Julia any physical harm, we also cannot declare that he does not pose a threat. Intentionally or not, he has already put her in danger. Reasonable people know that if they upset somone who is about to drive a motor vehicle, they are putting the drivers and others on the road in peril of their lives.
Julia's father has shown exemplary restraint and I hope that he continues to do so but his brother has ignored past warnings, so he may feel safe enough to continue his harassment. Also, Julia's uncle may be able to talk his way out of trouble with her grandparents. After all, he is their son and what parents want to believe the worst of their child?
Julia, if your uncle follows you outside again, consider walking back into your grandparents' house and asking one of them to escort you out. If he restrains or impedes you, shout for help. A loud whistle might be useful, especially if your grandparents recognise it as a signal.
Julia
I have read about your uncle's previous behavior in many posts over the last year and am most appalled at the latest incident. I know how it is to have family disapprove but I cannot imagine how painful it must be to be regularly taunted and embarrassed and insulted.
As the action of having GCS has not suggested/implied to him to accept you as a woman, it may be that he never will accept you. That is very sad but the more immediate problem is to prevent further harassment.
I am inclined to agree the best course of action is to not participate in conversation with him over any gender or sexual matter or anything personal at all. It may be that after a few months of that, he may cease the taunting when he sees it does not outwardly bother you. It may take years for your uncle to be the normal friendly uncle and he may ultimately may never change his true opinion, but if you and your dad by ignoring his intolerable insults can in the long term make him somewhat civil, then you will have maintained some sort of relationship with your uncle even if strained.
I suggest "ignore" and then "wait and see" instead of complete divorce from your uncle but it is your decision of course
I wish you success and happiness.
Hugs
Pamela
OMG Julia I'm am so sorry you have had to deal with this! I just read this and I was so angry for you. Your uncle is very depraved. He will not change. He may hide his depavity again but it is ingrained in his thought processes. I will not speculate as to how he got to be that way.
I don't know if it helps to break down his interactions with you or not. For me, figuring out why the other person acts like they do helps me compartmentalize their issues and helps me know it's not my problem.
It sounds like your uncle still sees you as male or a sub human male. He is extremely overly open with his sexual based comments because he does not feel like he is crossing any lines as he would if he saw you as a girl. He has some extreme issues with his view of women. He visualizes women as sex objects good for his pleasure only. He may well have other sex related psychological issues that only he and a therapist could sort through. He assumes all other men think as he does. Put this whole twisted view together and you get his disgusting comments and requests toward you.
I am so sorry you had had to deal with that. So much worse when it's a relative. I'm still furious. It's such terrible sexual harassment.
Sometimes trying to be civilized can lead to rectal cranial inversion when it comes to dealing with reality. I don't see a lynch mob here and calling something what it is helps avoid codependency and denial. There's nothing noble or superior in avoiding truth. That said, actions matter more and no one has proposed physical harm. If he crosses the line legally, adjudication by the legal system would be proper and if it leads to incarceration, he's the one that did it to himself. It's not so much about retribution, but keeping a predator off the streets. Considering his age and behaviors, this isn't his first foray into that behavior. Just steer clear, get an order of protection if he persists and work it from there.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro
Quote from: Tatiana 79 on July 22, 2018, 01:42:13 PM
Hello Julie
I know that we're at opposite ends of the spectrum but yet were cut from the same cloth.
I honestly did my best to stay out of this sensing all the passion expressed.
I'm really kind of horrified by everything I read twice and stepped outside to take a little walk trying to stay out of it but I'm so used to being wrong, how much worse can it get but anyways
the only inspiration I receive through nature mainly
Despite of his previous actions please do not give up on your uncle, people do definitely change over time. As I most sincerely wish this would happen for you.
And even if this is within the slightest realm of possibility , do not totally give up on him as I have no uncles left I wish I had even a slight chance with one that felt as yours did.
I know that my sentiment expressed was unlike any other reply I read, so please beat up on me as much as you want.
and to Julia I only wish the very best for you dear
I have learned from only the couple months I've been here that people do change and sometimes emotions are put to rest over a period of time and this is what I ultimately wish for you dear sometimes blood is thicker than water.
Are we not All God's Children and all equal to draw breath none the less, as many feel we should not even have this right to
breathe.
all the very best to your future love Tatiana
I'm not offended at all by what you said. You are obviously a very kind person. As much as my uncle has said I still left the door open in case later on he decided to behave as a human being. But after this last incident that door is now closed. The way he acted was not only disgusting but it was totally creepy. No matter what my uncle says in the future or if he appologizes I won't ever be able to be around him without being creeped out. As it is right now just thinking about him makes me want to shower. I can't help it. And also, at this point in time I'm trying to recover from the trauma of being trans and my uncle will always remind me of the negative things I went through. I didn't go through nearly as much as many people here but much of what I did go through was traumatic for me. Now that I have had SRS I just want to try to put all that behind me. I won't be able to do that with my uncle or even my mom in my life. I don't want them in my life right now. Maybe down the road I might be able to have some kind of relationship with my mom but that door is permanently closed for my uncle.
Quote from: Sno on July 23, 2018, 05:52:33 AM
(Hugs) sweetie, he sounds revolting.
From the leaves of an unknown book - (also known as random sayings that have been picked up in the school of life), when someone tells you what they are, listen carefully.
Do you have an Aunt? Does your dad have a female close cousin? Quite simply that's one big red flag, right there that in his mind, he thinks that is normal. You ONLY think that sort of behaviour is normal when you were involved in such activities yourself. He is projecting.
Whether that is fantasy, or reality, is by the by - you need to keep yourselves safe, and posting here :)
(Hugs)
Rowan
No I don't have an aunt on my dad's side. It's just he and my dad. My uncle is 36 and my dad is about to turn 40. They do have female cousins but both still live in Germany. I know they did visit a few times when my dad and uncle were growing up so I guess something could have happened during those visits. I have never understood my uncle's insinuations of incest between my brother and I. Brother/ Brother incest is extremely rare from what I have come to understand. Since his he started saying things years before I transitioned that's what he was implying. Tyler and I have always been close and from what I've seen of other siblings I suppose he and I are closer than most siblings but it's never been in any kind of weird way at all.
Tyler has always been affectionate with me but never in any kind of weird way. That always got my uncle extremely irritated. He once told my dad he needed to do something because he had seen Tyler kiss me. He did, but Tyler kissed me on top of my head which he and my dad have both always done. He had decided early on that I was gay and he used to tell Tyler to be careful he didn't end up gay too from spending to much time with me. Once when I was about 12 I had shaken the crap out of a can of soda and when Tyler opened it it exploded and sprayed him. I ran of course but he caught me and he had me on the floor tickling the crap out of me. My uncle yelled at him to stop that. He told Tyler he should twist my arm behind my back or get me in a headlock. Tyler told him he didn't want to actually hurt me and my uncle told him he was becoming just as big a "->-bleeped-<-" as I was. Imagine being 14 years old and having your uncle say that to you. Poor Tyler.
No one else ever thought there was anything "weird" between Tyler and I . All I can figure is those accusations are just one more product of a sick mind.
As a self defense mechanism, maybe when he says something to you, you can retort stuff like, "That's right, keep destroying your relationship with your brother". Dont debate it with him, just repeat it as you walk away. Just a thought.
Hello Julie,
For telling me you took no offense to my reply it really made me feel a little better because I really was worried about overstepping my bounds
I usually try to look a little more before I leap but I was completely daunted by your history and amount of posts and merely used your words starting your thread.
If there's one thing I can do to maybe make you feel a little better know that I sensed all the love and passion coming to you, in your defense which clearly means to me that you project that much love out of you dear to have this tremendous impact on this very experienced group.
All the very best for your future, love Tatiana
Quote from: Julia1996 on July 21, 2018, 11:39:39 AM
Then he said " well I would love to see it if you ever want to take a picture of it and send it to me". I told him he wasn't funny. He said he wasn't trying to be funny. He totally meant it!!
I told him he was disgusting and that I couldn't believe he would be such a perve. He said he just wanted to see if it looked real and how it compared to a real one. He said he figured I would be anxious to show it off. I told him I would never go around showing everyone my genitalia and that he had a nasty mind. Then he asked me if he was supposed to believe I hadn't let anyone see it. I told him the only person who has seen it was Tristan. He said " oh yeah right. Like Tyler and your dad haven't seen it". I told him of course they hadn't and that it was messed up that he would think that. He said he figured after my dad had spent that much money on my surgery he would want to see if he got his moneys worth. He said he sure would. I told him that was because he was a perve and my dad was not. Then he said he didn't care what I said that he knew Tyler had seen it. Then he said " considering how" "close" (he did the air quotes) you two have always been I figured he would have been the first to see it and it wouldn't surprise me if he was the first to try it out".
I literally had to force myself not to slap him across the face! I told him he was a twisted ## and got in the car and left. I couldn't believe he actually said that stuff to me! But on the way home I thought about it. No doubt my uncle is perverted. I knew that already. But his wanting to see my muffin wasn't even so much about him being a perve. It's because he does not and never will consider me female. To him I'm just a " ->-bleeped-<-" with a created vagina so he didn't see anything wrong with his asking to see it. But what he said about Tyler and I was totally pervy. He has kind of implied before that Tyler and I were having some kind of sexual thing. My dad has yelled at him and thrown him out of our house a couple of times for that. The only thing I can figure is that he could never understand why my brother had been loving toward me rather that trying to beat the gay out of me like a "good" older brother should because that's what he would have done. I guess he thought I had turned Tyler gay as well. He actually warned Tyler a few times over the years that he better be careful he didn't "turn into a ->-bleeped-<-" from spending a lot of time with me.
you have more restraint than me. and im so sorry that he is like this......reminds me of many teenage boys in my area tbh*shivers* but like the others have said, you did good telling your dad. don't let your uncle get to you, he isn't worth the time of day when he isn't acting like a human. Never stop being you, and don't take any of what he says to heart, it isn't worth your time.
Quote from: DawnOday on July 23, 2018, 12:04:14 PM
Julia, you have a beautiful relationship with your Dad and Brother. Don't let anyone take that away from you. Your father has seen what is best for you, and has no problem seeing that you become the best you possibly can. These lamebrained knuckle draggers like your uncle just don't have what it takes to understand that it is not something you woke up one day to discover. Hey how would it be to be a woman? I can imagine the pain you have gone through and you are lucky to have such a caring Father and Brother. Kick your uncle to the curb and get on with your new life. Sounds like cousin Eddie from Vacation. You don't need toxic people around you. Glad to hear you are recovering well.
don't literally kick him though(I would've but that's cause hatred I receive is physical)
Love,
Lilly Garcia
ps: I side with the ones that say restraining order.
Wow, what a creep. Glad that you are ok.
Some people are just not worth the effort of being civil to...
Actually I had an uncle ask me strange questions once. Nothing on this level, didn't ask to see anything, but I felt it was odd he would ask such questions. I don't think it was perversion, but it was being perceived as a family oddity. When people see you as an oddity, they seem to forget you're also as much a person as everyone else. They think they can ask things of you they wouldn't dare ask "a normal person".
Clearly he wouldn't ask to see anyone else's genitalia in such a manner, so he's treating you as an oddity, one that isn't deserving of the same respect of a regular person.
It's a bit creepy tho.
To be more clear, my point is that you also have to learn how to handle this guy. I know women who can expertly handle men, deflect the creepers, etc. It's a great skill.
Quote from: amandam on July 24, 2018, 11:32:14 AM
As a self defense mechanism, maybe when he says something to you, you can retort stuff like, "That's right, keep destroying your relationship with your brother". Dont debate it with him, just repeat it as you walk away. Just a thought.
Hideously creepy uncle. It's so disturbing that he thinks he'd be entitled to see if he got his "money's worth" when it comes to another person's private parts his "property".