Like others I decided to start a thread to keep everything in one place.
My adventures so far this week. Went and flew for an hour doing pattern work in and out of the clouds/mist. Jumped across town for follow up with PCP. Good news. I was able to start HRT right there in office. Starting T@340 E@45. Kicked it off with a full dose, but will back off to low dose for next 3 months. I got the starter package. IM injections estradiol vilarte (spelling?), spiro (didn't expect the minty ness, & fin. Had to go back to work, ugg there goes the BP. After work 6 hrs after first injection I felt like I got a second wind. Mentally excited and calm. Talked and joked with coworkers more. Placebo effect I guess.
Next day woke up easier and as the day went on seemed to be mentally less fog. easiest way
To describe. Talked more, smiled more, & calmer despite work stress. I could swear his clothes seem rougher to touch. They must have startched the shirt at cleaners. Went out shopping as me after work. Didn't think makeup was terrible either. Weird thing that night. Put on lotion before bed, but sloughed off a layer of skin in many places. To early for changes right. No clue
Today- first Therapy at end of day. Worked through lunch, left to get ready. Almost at therapy and called for mandatory meeting. Missed half my first session. Afterwards drove to a public house for dinner. Gotta go back to work again. Will stay me as long as possible. Physical notices right boob ached off and on. Left nipple burn/tingle and boob aches once or twice. I grew some boobs at puberty about a b cup @140# originally. They both hurt when grabbing to put on bra this afternoon. WTH. I keep telling g myself it's to early for this. I must be imagining it. Wishful thinking eh. I've had a great day running around town today. I even went to drug store to fill a prescription as me. No odd looks just stayed in my own little bubble. Sitting at the bar writing this. That's all for now.
@Jaime320 Dear Jaime:It is wonderful that you have started your very own transition thread. Keeping all of your progress, successes in one spot will be a good way to chart your journey... be aware that there will also be disappointments along the way.
When you report good news, we will all rejoice with you, and when you report not-so-good news we will have an ear to listen and a shoulder to lean on.
In additional to an online thread and "journal" here on the Forums I also keep an old-school pen and paper journal complete with colorful doodling and some photos for my more personal and private stuff...
Having personal threads and private journals are a good way to vent about the issues that we may deal with, allowing us to ponder and mentally process our feelings and hopefully develop positive solutions.... for me, all of this is really good personal therapy as I am certain that it will be for you as well.
I will put together a rough timeline for you that will help you to read what may be in store for you as you progress in your HRT journey.... hang on tight, it will be an exciting ride.
Again, I am so glad to see that you have started your own personal journey thread... many members here will follow you along in your journey and you can share comments and thoughts with each other as you feel comfortable doing.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
@Jaime320 Dear Jaime:Since you just started HRT this week, any changes that you "feel" are more than likely in your mind than in your body at the present time. At the
3 or 4 week point of your exciting HRT journey you will certainly begin to feel and see some things happening in a much more noticeable way.
It is likely that you will first experience some changes particularly in your nipples and breasts... soreness, lumps (breast buds) forming under the nipples (and in my case at the same time frame my nipples were very erect and sensitive most of the time) .... then at 3 months into HRT most transitioners will maybe start seeing things happening more significantly and at a quicker rate including possibly more changes in your breasts and nipples, reduced body hair growth, your own body and urine smell, changes in
erections becoming less intense, libido, etc.
The transition journey is indeed exciting. If you have done any reading yet of some of the other postings and threads here on the Forums it has been stated over and over that HRT will work uniquely in your own unique body. What you read about other transitioning members experiences with HRT most likely
will not be identical to your own experiences.
The adage that we use here regarding HRT and how it may work for various individuals is "YMMV" meaning that
Your Mileage May Vary.
Some will experience more significant changes more quickly and then some will experience less significant changes more slowly.... it is all up to your genes and how your body reacts to the HRT.
PATIENCE is required.... usually not much happens very quickly with HRT... but changes will happen.
Without a doubt this can be very "EXCITING and SCARY all at the same time." One needs to hang on for an amazing ride. Some of my best and most appreciated and dramatic body changes happened to me at about the 5 or 6 month point and through the start of year #2 of my HRT journey.
Even though I was able to very successfully pass before I went full-time... when I did go full-time at the 1 1/2 year mark I had been passing 100% of the time. Of course that is just my own personal experience, I suppose I can thank my unique body makeup and my genes for all that.
You will not see dramatic changes on a daily or weekly basis. I found that by taking my photo once a month that when compared with previous monthly photos, the changes were quite noticeable and very motivating.
Thank you for sharing the start of your story with all of us.
Wishing you well, and I will be eagerly following your postings and transition progress as you continue toward your goal.
Hugs and hugs,
Danielle
Hello Jaime. I agree with Danielle that any initial feelings of bliss are probably just from the High of getting started. It is such a relief, isn't it! I look forward to reading about your ups and down and I'll try to offer whatever support I can. You mentioned going to a "public house" for dinner. Are you in the UK?
Judi
Thank you for sharing your experiences through your thread.
@Alaskan Danielle is correct about ymmv. It has everything to do with genetics, look towards your mother or sister to see what the possibilities are.
I too perceived sensory changes in the first week, but Danielle is is right on the mark pointing out the upcoming weeks and beyond. You seem to be responsive to hrt like I am, and may have some fortunate advantage in your genes.
Hugs and smiles from a California girl
@alaskan Danielle
Always thorough with replies. I see why you're the official greeter. I've read your thread off and on. I can only hope to have your results. You are stunning. I know my "perceived" changes are wishful thinking and this is a marathon not a sprint. I've read/watched what seems like thousands of transition stories over the years. While I go out once or twice a week. I feel I don't pass, but I have fun anyway.
@JudiBluEyes
Blissful for sure. I still can't believe the amount of relief I've found. We'll see how I feel as I near next injection. I hear it's a roller coaster until you adjust. Not looking forward to second puberty side effects.
Occasionally in the UK for work, but not this time. Though this place is a distant American cousin, I still use the descriptor. If the feel of the place is right. It's an easy way to describe it.
Ok there was another reply in here this morning. I had to rush out to work and was unable to reply this morning. Thanks for the comments. I didn't think there was any reason to remove it.
Quote from: Jaime320 on November 08, 2018, 12:14:55 PM
Ok there was another reply in here this morning. I had to rush out to work and was unable to reply this morning. Thanks for the comments. I didn't think there was any reason to remove it.
@Jaime320 my apologies, I interject my experiences in others threads sometimes. Occasionally I feel it isn't always welcome. I restored it.
Quote from: Jessica on November 08, 2018, 12:24:43 PM
@Jaime320 my apologies, I interject my experiences in others threads sometimes. Occasionally I feel it isn't always welcome. I restored it.
No worries hun. All comments are welcome. I just didn't want you thinking I ignored you. Looking at the family I may be fortunate. Several members have had reductions. If not lucky there are options.
Another few days as him. Clarity nothing else notable.
Work always gets in the way. Did get in 3 good days of flying, more shopping (getting a better feel on sizing), mentally clear. I went out a few times this week. Makeup still struggling, but getting faster. Started taking voice lessons. Yup silliness at its finest. At least it was fun. Right now targeting a e- to b- range.
Physical changes-random boob aches, skin much softer in areas and smoothing out. Downstairs has shrunk at rest and definitely no random activity. Discharge is now runny and clearing up.
I will say I'm finding airline smells are very unpleasant. Pickup on BO a lot more. Hopefully my own funk will change more soon. Chemical smells are sharper as well. Never had a issue with dry erase markers. now they stink and give me a headache. especially in small rooms. Same markers we've used for months.
Anyone else feel like they're developing a multiple personality disorder? Switching speech, pronouns, and names a few times a day depending on the audience is interesting. Either way, We're having fun out being us more everyday.
I know most think this is all just in my head. I just thought my boobs were sore over past 2 weeks. Haven't reached the seeing stars point running into things though. Headlights on often more sensitive and red. burn/tingle occasionally. Aching in boobs has switched to a constant. Almost a dull pulled muscle feel across entire chest above nipple last 2 days. Had to grab a sports bra while working. Offered some relief. This is my wishful thinking....Weights stayed the same but there's more jiggle, and they feel heavier. I' guess I'll start tracking measurements tape measure doesn't lie.
Any suggestions on low profile holstering options? Still not out at work. Business casual with button down shirts are the norm. Do they make tank tops with built in Bra maybe?
Quote from: Jaime320 on November 17, 2018, 07:04:43 PM
I know most think this is all just in my head. I just thought my boobs were sore over past 2 weeks. Haven't reached the seeing stars point running into things though. Headlights on often more sensitive and red. burn/tingle occasionally. Aching in boobs has switched to a constant. Almost a dull pulled muscle feel across entire chest above nipple last 2 days. Had to grab a sports bra while working. Offered some relief. This is my wishful thinking....Weights stayed the same but there's more jiggle, and they feel heavier. I' guess I'll start tracking measurements tape measure doesn't lie.
Any suggestions on low profile holstering options? Still not out at work. Business casual with button down shirts are the norm. Do they make tank tops with built in Bra maybe?
@Jaime320 Dear JaimeIf I were you I would consider all of this very good news... no pain, no gain.
... your HRT regimen is working!!! ... AND NO, IT IS NOT JUST IN YOUR HEAD !
A lightweight and non-padded sports bra will help dim the headlights and give some support comfort. Also, "layers" will help minimize any boobage showing.... a loose undershirt with a fairly loose button down shirt will usually do the job, a darker colored patterned shirt works best ... and if it is has chest pockets that will do a lot for your camouflage and concealment efforts.
Wishing you well... and thank you for sharing.
Hugs,
Danielle
@Alaskan Danielle
Thanks as always. I'm glad things are working, and for the changes to come. At the same time worried slightly. Planned for low dose and a long haul. At this rate I may have to figure some things out sooner rather than later is all.
Forwarned I'm all over the place. Remember the headline stated random. Almost another 2 weeks. Starting to notice the ebb and flow of 2 week EV injection cycle. Going to ask about once a week injections. though that may mean a constant limp. Especially if I continue to use thigh as injection site. The last one was the worst yet. Went middle center instead of low outter like first. First one was a piece of cake. Had a spasm mid injection owwww. Sore for 4 days. Rushed travel schedule this week due to weather. Haven't had time to be myself in over a week. That really sucks. I mean low end of current cycle. Add in first true therapy session leaving me questioning do I really need to Do this. My biggest take away was therapist stated after a mini 30 min session a few weeks ago, and full session agreeing I was definitely questioning gender. This was affter I stated I feel I'm trans, and have felt that way for decades. Followed by a long day at work. It's late but decided enough. I have to be me. To me at this time of night. that's a comfy set of pjs and a sleep bra. I changed and almost started crying as I caught myself in the mirror. Call me crazy but I had a quick conversation with myself, and gathered my thoughts. YES this is me.
As far as my perceived changes over past 2 weeks. Skin continues to soften. I'm allowing myself to be more emotional. I haven't cried since the 4th or 5th grade. Now I find myself getting misty eyed during movies, if the material resonates, or induces the slightest hint of empathy. Here I thought I was one of the least empathetic people you'd ever meet. In my previous job empathy, and pain were for the weak. Pain is weakness leaving the body. Hell my childhood was a warm up for that lifestyle. Gotta thank the therapist for a trip down memory lane. Fight or flight. Those flashbacks often put me in fight mode. I reliv the time then and the more aggressive combative skills Learned a decade later. Yeah I'm a bet screwy, but who's not. Thanks nes normal is another's weird. I realize I set off red flags on psych Evals, but know I'm not alone and must clarify as there are 1000's like me. In reading this. no this does not mean I am about to run out and inflict harm on others or myself. Well maybe others if given cause. Back to perceived changes. Boobs ache occasionally, but not as consistently.
BTW. I try to be about honesty. Well all but the trans side of me. It's almost as if I'm leading multiple lives. Home, work, & "me". A bit stressful, but I put the biggest stress factor on work. Though I'd rather be "me" overall. Guess I need to work out the kinks in my plan still. If Anyway, I'm Not fully comfortable outing myself on such a public forum. I keep removing things I've typed. Which likely causes the read to imply I'm an illiterate ditz.
Pickles that is all. Tony packos omg. Never liked pickles. I guess taste buds change too.
Thinking about going to a show at the Baton tomorrow night for something to do.
Is it me or is it easier to go out at night. I don't know why, but the darkness feels like a cloak. To me it feels like there's less chance of being clocked. I fear walking out of hotel when housekeeping is in the hall. Girlfriends say I pass, but I still think they're being nice. There's a semi-formal holiday party next weekend. I need something to wear. I don't think I have anything with me for a semi formal event. Though I did buy another pair of boots yesterday. What's with me and boots, 3 pair in past month. I also went down a. Size. Need to find something else I like. Sitting in my hotel debating going out as me shopping in broad daylight and watching a movie eeek. Also trying to find a friendly MAC/Sephora/Ulta for a makeover. Preferably one not dead center of the mall. I'm not to the point of going places without hair/makeup. Still working on facial hair. Though after a month of HRT growth is slowing down. So likely go as him. Walking out with full makeup as him would be interesting. Oh the struggles. Suck it up butter cup. We shall see what the day holds. Here's the new boots. Hope this works. (https://imgur.com/a/YkS40or)
Well can't get image insert to work so here's the link.
https://imgur.com/a/YkS40or
Yes it's easier to go out at night for me too. I do feel more cloaked then. That said, I'm going out more and more in all various states of dress/makeup/none and all combinations, and you know what -- almost nobody really notices. And the ones that do are probably on your same page, so they are allies. So put on those great boots and enjoy yourself!
Thanks Randy. I did just that. If not for work planning dinners with clients, I'd be out every night this week. I could just show up and say surprise. Think that would go over well?
Some of the folks I work with asked why I was in such a good mood this afternoon. Guess it's the lack of sleep, or the cough syrup. Haven't felt the greatest past few days. 50* temp change every few days is getting to me. Couldn't have been the EV injection before work. ;)
I like those boots!
@JudiBluEyes
Thanks. They're my most comfortable yet. They're from Lane Bryant.
My how time fly's. Nov 5th still seems like last week. Since then I've been out a bunch. Went to a holiday party, and then my first gay bar. Yeah dance clubs are still not my thing. Happy with a good pub. Started electrolysis and plan to alternate laser when able. One problem HRT took hold rather rapidly. At this point I guess this is a result of low T for many years. Anyway what body hair that comes back now takes days not hours to reappear. It seems to be coming back finer and lighter as well. Facial hair while not reduced now takes 2 days for 5 o'clock shadow to be previous level. I'm having to go at least 4 days without shaving prior to electo shock therapy. J/K it's not that bad yet. Only 3 hrs in so far. Getting the thin spots and the stuff laser won't touch. Only using anti inflammatory and a little ice immediately afterwards. A bit red about like getting brows waxed/threaded a few hours after treatment lasting overnight. Swelling has stayed for up to 36 hours in more sensitive spots. Physical changes continue skin continues to soften, face changes either from diet or hrt are noticeable. Speaking of food I've lost all will power this past week. I've lived a HFLC lifestyle for almost a year with no cravings or cheats. I blame the holidays and hormones for carb cravings and cheating the past week. Still at same weight though. I'll go back to HFLC after tomorrow. One painful observation I'm starting to see stars if a nipple gets caught. Got bumped in the chest during a painful period and about lost my breath. At this point starting to think getting punched in boob hurts worse than well you know. This presents an all new problem in public. Seeing my voice coach weekly. I feel I've made good progress but know I have a ways to go. My homework is often watching movies and then practice paragraphs with similar inflections as characters in movie. I continue to see my therapist, but feel no progress is being made. I've spent past three or four sessions giving back story. He's easy to talk to at least and has lots of experience with trans folks. Doesn't hurt he's part of the family as well. On the home front we continue to operate under don't ask don't tell. My goal for the holiday season has been not to rock the boat. Deal with opening up more after holidays. Since last therapy session I was told to be aware and take note of things during the season. Well let's just say it's going to be Siberia when/if I come out to family. I have at most 2 slightly possible allies between both our families. TMI ahead maybe. I feel I have a mild case of GD for most part. I'm sorta Ok with body, and believe in making the best of it with what ya got. SO has been distant for a year now. No physical intimacy since sept/oct, work travel kids etc. I earned brownie points earlier today. The dry spell is over. I can confirm as others have stated YMMV but things still work on HRT. There are changes but overall good grief I think they change for the better. I just hope endurance improves the sensitivity is going through the roof. Orgasms yes that's plural. Easier to have multi without a intermission. First one sorta like normal. Second was whole body without typical release. May have been my first female one. Requires further investigation. Oh the hardships. One final thought. Either I'm getting older or it's not as easy to carry heavy objects now.
Shouting into the void again, but Does anyone else feel less need to dress and be out after starting HRT? Could be I'm in a funk towards the end of a cycle. Getting an adjustment at next appointment in a few weeks. As I also just want to get comfy and read a good book/watch movie around this time as well. Don't get me wrong I love going out. Now I do think less about dressing. I guess that used to be a major outlet for dysphoria. Now I'm thinking it's less about presentation and more about just me no matter what. Don't think I'll ever reach male fail without transplants or wig at least. Since starting HRT I feel a lot better and in turn dysphoria is way down. So much so to the point, I now wonder can I continue in this state without fully transitioning. If I stop HRT I know the flood gates will open and I definitely don't want to go back. Before HRT I wanted it all. Now I just want to exist. Could be a bit of fear of the next steps, coming out to family, causing hesitation as well. Time will tell. Enough rambling for now. Hope everyone had a good holiday.
I think once we "normalize" the need isn't as pressing and we do relax a bit. So don't worry about changing thoughts. It's just that you do seek a normal life, like curling up with a book and being yourself! You're correct it is less about how you look and more about how you feel. You have to believe in yourself. The fear you feel is natural but as you become more comfortable in your new "skin" it will melt away. When I am with family and friends I feel fine, as they treat me fine without any awkwardness. You will get there too.
Yes I agree with your assessment. I've only been on hrt for a few short months, but I've noticed my need to "dress girly" has diminished, although I still enjoy it when I do it.
@JudiBlueEyes
Thanks for confirming my thoughts. I'll retain the right to disagree when it comes to family, at least my family that is. I know what to expect from my Mom already. Previous incidents have not gone well. Coming out when I was 10 and getting caught dressed around 16. Had to lie and retract then. Otherwise kicked out of house. The caught at 16 lead toward joining the Corps a few months later. Yeah it was a quick way to escape home, the challenge, and prove no gender issues at time. Plus certain homophobic/transphobic comments made over the holidays by other family members as well. Then again most are fake enough to fake it, and there may be no issue. Apparently they're all super religious now. Well at least when the youngest cousin and new youth pastor husband are around.
@GordonG
Exactly. Oh and you're only 30 days ahead of me.
Wish me luck. About to take my biggest trip out yet. Leaving work early to get ready. Didn't plan it, but ended up with therapy, voice, and support group stacked up today. Excited for next 12 hrs, may not want it to end.
You'll do fine! Best of luck to you.
Quote from: Jaime320 on January 08, 2019, 12:52:58 PM
Wish me luck. About to take my biggest trip out yet. Leaving work early to get ready. Didn't plan it, but ended up with therapy, voice, and support group stacked up today. Excited for next 12 hrs, may not want it to end.
@Jaime320 Yes indeed, wishing you the best of luck, good fortune and much success with all that you have going on this afternoon and tonight...
I will be eagerly looking for your update report when you feel so led to post it.
We are all rooting for you, we are you biggest fans.
Hugs, and well wishes,
Danielle
@Alaskan Danielle @JudyBlueEyes
Aww thanks girls.
I had a blast yesterday.
I rushed to the hotel, changed, threw on some paint, headed out the door.
Made it to therapist just in time. Good news I'm sane. Therapist said I'm completely normal despite all the crap from my past and gender issues. Also agreed to write letter for travel and insurance. No need to go back for mental health, but would like once a month follow up. Enables a safe space and check in while navigating everything. Don't know where transition will go, it will figure it out along the way. Oh and The anxiety/stress/urge pre HRT, and dropping after HRT start is a very common thing. It should be taken as a good sign, and not questioned with am I trans enough. Just be and enjoy the extra mental space. Now there's time and calmness to figure out other stuff.
Afterwards I drove up the street to voice therapy. My first in person session. Yeah!!!!!! Had lots of fun making silly sounds. There was a straw, stretch bands, and mirrors involved.
After voice headed off to gender society meeting. Good thing I had a voice lesson earlier. Had to do an intro to group. Had fun at the bar, and met few new girls. Apparently I passed at a social a few months ago. Some of the girls thought I was a cis 37-42 y/o ally. That felt wonderful. I Wish I had their glasses though. We're our own worst critics. I see him in the mirror, & dude in a dress constantly.
I'm like Harley and hate leaving pics up for long. Closeup of 30 minute everyday makeup from last night, and a old photo from 2 months ago glammed up.
https://i.imgur.com/EQ3UoVe.jpg (https://i.imgur.com/EQ3UoVe.jpg)
https://i.imgur.com/gCLu3NA.jpg (https://i.imgur.com/gCLu3NA.jpg)
:-\ anyone else hate getting carded while out. At a lgbt bar no less. I wish there were a legal way to get an alternate ID.
I'm glad to hear you enjoyed yourself! Wow your photos look great. No wonder the girls at the prior social saw you as a cis ally! Don't be so hard on yourself. You look fine and I'm sure you sound fine too!
@judiblueeyes
THANKS. Going out is easier each time. Spending time out more frequently now for sure. However, I'm sitting here at hotel bar and now being referred to as him. I keep thinking #@$&@ this sucks. Keep thinking I just want to be out full time. Then I think about home and think nope can't do it. Guess it's a dual life for awhile still. Time to suck it up buttercup.
Welcome back everyone. The outage made me realize how much I miss this place. Though it did cause me to seek alternative sources of information, and allowed me to reflect. By alternative resources I referring to a few of the legal resources and major support groups. Despite everything I came to realize I am definitely in transition. I'll get to those implications in a minute. Now this may change in the future but by golly it's my story. I'm a woman and I reserve the right to change my mind. ::) First time stating that last part aloud. Yeah sure the little voice has said it a million times, deny deny deny. " it depends on what the definition of "is" is". it feels wonderful when someone says "enjoy being a lady out on the town", or using the correct pronoun. Alas things aren't all roses. I still have the home life that needs work. I sit here in the hotel surrounded by coworkers. Which adds to complications. Maybe I've been naive over past few weeks and been this close to outing myself at work, just one to two rooms away by a factor of 2-3. What's this mean well. I have to sneak away tomorrow for group, but all the muggles leave after Wed night, yeah freedom. Fly the flag girls. Ok maybe not a pride parade, but it feels like it. So enough rambling. Back to transition. Yeah umm I became verklempt after reading what a "safe passage letter" really was. I mean OMG. If I didn't live in one of the most non trans friendly states I could change my gender marker on driver license. (You have to have GRS confirmed here) Squeee... Fudge boom @7'€}%%}^>&$&@$$ yeah still recovering, and don't know what to think or do next. I may have passport changed in semi near future. May need to let outside catch up. Though it would be awesome to have at least one govt Id match. I wish you could have a transition ID. Boy/girl mode and both be accepted. So yeah perpetually confused to what's next at this point. Physically I've reached a point of bra required simply due to chafe, and "hello" btw I just thought there was jiggle with moobs. Houston we've reached a new impact assessment required zone as well. On with the show. One day at a time.
Wonderful night out with a group of the girls a few nights ago. It's cold up here, but I keep drifting towards jeans, ankle boots w/4" heel, & a cute top/sweater. Findiymy style more everyday.
Supposed to go fly a few days this past week, but with 900' ceilings not going to happen. Will try again when able.
Tonight I had my first laser treatment. 15 min for full Monty once started. Ended up disclosing some on meds. Doc Yes doc not assistant doing treatment questioned but didn't pry to much. Assumed thyroid condition or hormone imbalance. Yes a hormone imbalance doc. We'll let that one be. Apparently they're seeing more and more beard removals. Maybe there's a few family members going there. Anyway torture in the usual sensitive spots, (doc commented and offered to lower settings. Nope keep going), found one or two new extra sensitive areas. Doc did a good job Of explaining as he went. Doc lightly shaved before starting. Apparently three days growth was a bit much. Although I could hardly feel it. Celt like 5 o clock to me. About like it was after 24 hours prior to HRT. I guess it'll be a guessing game from here on out. Many hairs popped out during process. Noticed several burned in place but waiting until morning to scrub face. There are a few red bumps, but no more than shaving/letting it grow out. So far no swelling. Went to movie then dinner at hotel bar afterwards. Off to bed soon.
If I don't get snowed in I plan to head north Sat to go out with some of the girls. Looking forward to two whole days out, and No sneaking out of hotel. I may go get acrylics tomorrow, and a makeover at Sephora/Ulta sat morning. Scared to death. Going in semi male and coming out a few dollars poorer. Will have hair and a change of clothes in car. Any tips girls? I usually dress after getting painted.
@Jaime320 Dear Jaime:I really enjoyed reading your recent update reports. Yes indeed, when the site was down for several days I was getting withdrawal pains.... I have developed so many like-minded friends here and have made a habit of checking in frequently so it was quite difficult not being able to be in the forums.
Wishing you well with your tentative plans to get your name and gender changes on your important documents... when that happens it will be so very affirming to you..... and not to mention that you are now wearing a bra most of the time... also quite affirming as well as being necessary as you stated.
As you described your night out with the girls sounded like you had a great time.
Oh, and welcome to the hair removal Laser Club...... it will test your pain threshold for sure.
I hope that you do not get snowed in so you can proceed with your plans to go out with some of the girls... that is always lots of fun to fit it with them.
Again, thank you for sharing your thoughts with your followers.
Hugs and well wishes as always,
Danielle
@Alaskan Danielle
Aww thanks for keeping tabs on little old me. I know I'm not as eloquent as you. Though I wish it were true. My thoughts thus far seem so pedestrian compared to many of you. My only hope with my often incoherent ramblings is for someone to relate, and feel they're not alone. I know I get more out of it. It helps organize and reflect on past events. I also constantly write from my phone, often while sitting at a bar grabbing a bite, and I know that's not helping.
@alaskan Danielle
Oh snow is relative like many things. just over a foot and snowing for a week. What's that equal in Alaska? About an hr?
Well the snow came and mellowed the mood. The planned adventure was canceled. Though running on two hours sleep, I could t go back to bed. I went out to a new group meeting. Though my sampling is small. You lovely girls here and girls IRL, (40ish so far). I can confirm we all have similar experiences and hangups. What I'm trying to say is despite our various truths at the core we can all relate.
What's new? Went out sans makeup first time. Eeeeeek hey laser a few days prior, and face all tore up.
I quickly went to sephora for a makeover. Umm yeah before and after phenomenally different and mood changed drastically from rushed and apprehensive to OMG. I can rock this. Looked in mirror prior and couldn't switch to me during. Voice stayed on lower end of norm. No I didn't buy everything. Ok I ommitted 3 products similar to what I have, and changed sizes to allow tsa carryon. I did find a new perfume I feel works for both, Elizabeth & James nirvana bourbon. I used to love spice bomb. My fem side loves ysl black opium, but it's a bit to fem to switch in same day.
So yeah fem side. I'm 3 ish months into hrt. Simply put I've come to the conclusion I am me. EV is like rocket fuel, & I will continue for now. I'm presenting male at work and female afterwards. Does that make me gender fluid.... maybe. I defy labels at this point and still reserve the right to change as my journey progresses. Before HRT I wanted it all. Now eh, Maybe I value family relationship to much, the desire to be full time is less. Though I'm told HRT reduces anxiety and allows for mental cycles for other things. The stress meter goes down in other words. I am endeavoring to integrate lives intentionally or unintentionally. Nevertheless change is a foot. We must realize we are ever changing and never define ourselves to a label. Simply put it's a big giant rainbow. Never question am I trans enough, Am I this enough. You're enough, & family no matter where you fall in the spectrum. (Yeah I'll likely get haters for that part. )
I left therapy today saying I had fun, and am perfectly content simply being me. I mean really, it's been rather up beat over the past 3 weeks. Yeah there's a bit of anxiety over the road ahead. I mean come on. Who's not concerned about coming out to family. All is well in the world. There are intersections ahead that may cause anxiety/trepidation, but these to shall pass in due time. Meanwhile be you.
I recognized a few other changes today. Switching to me is easier. If I concentrate I can change in a conversation. If I don't focus, I find it harder to come back. Yeah I'm working to integrate the two. Mind soul,& voice. I screwed up at work today. Left one conference call to handle Jaime business, and came back to call as Me. Oh !!!!!&&$&. So.... I'm me more everyday, but there are a few differences still. Voice, pitch/resonance, and slight hand/gesture variations. Umm some folks have an odd look. Oh well. Their perception.
Intimacy in my personal relationship has improved. As to why I can't say. maybe less stress on both sides. Maybe I'm a nicer person after acceptance, god I can only hope.
Just an observation while out as him. After a few months HRT does something pheromone change? This very well could simply be me, but recently while out women seem to open up more and are more chatty than before. While not completely at ease, they seem less guarded. This has occurred with strangers, and women I've meet once or twice before. Similar experience with random gay men.
Quote from: Jaime320 on January 27, 2019, 02:51:32 PM
Just an observation while out as him. After a few months HRT does something pheromone change? This very well could simply be me, but recently while out women seem to open up more and are more chatty than before. While not completely at ease, they seem less guarded. This has occurred with strangers, and women I've meet once or twice before. Similar experience with random gay men.
Yes, our pheromone mix shifts at around this point. I noticed similar behavioral changes.
One of the most interesting was when working with a group of older male amateur radio enthusiasts, they started gathering in MUCH closer than they had before I started HRT. I wasn't worried, but I was amused that they were showing the exact same behaviors with me as they did with younger women amateur radio enthusiasts.
@Michelle_P
Thanks, I thought I'd read that a few years ago. Can't say for guys in general. I'm not around enough consistently for a base line. The bartenders I see regularly are friendlier, but I attribute that to becoming a regular.
Just realized I'm often talking about a pub or bar. Don't worry. I eat dinner at the bar when it's just me.
Hello peeples. Sorry in advance for typing. Doing this once again on my phone.
So I've been meaning to post a 3 month update, but wanted to wait until my 3 month check was done. Doc kept rescheduling due to various things. This will be my 3.5 update instead. Where am I at? Well in short similar to just about any other girls 3 month update. What about details though. Ummmm ok. A lots happened well not compared to some here for sure. My milestones are trivial in comparison. On with the show.
It's official it's a girl. For all intents and purposes chemically female. For those just reading I do IM injection every 2 weeks. Levels at mid cycle are T 23 & E 486. Yeah surprise. Happy dance for sure, and I'm on a low dose. Apparently I'm on the right fuel now, and body is responding. Oh is it ever. Maybe this is why women, even while in drab, have a tendency to sit next to me in public places. I also get the smile more.
So physically changes are the typical stuff. Skin continues to soften. Hrt makes you look younger I think at least. Downside gloves required for everything, but still expect cuts bruises abrasions etc. Physically weaker overall as well. body hair continues to diminish and slow even further. Have to shave chest once every 1-2 weeks now maybe, and even then it's for randoms. It's winter so not shaving legs much. Typical cis growth rate though. Facial hair just call me patch. Yeah I can't grow a beard anymore. Not that I could before all this really. 1 week growth is barely and I mean barely useable for electrolysis. Plus side I can shave once a day and go out with little worry. Boobs yeah crossed the moob line. Don't know where I sit exactly. Somewhere around 44b I guess. Haven't been professionally fitted. It's on list of things to do. Sports bras are now a requirement even at work. Mostly for chafing, but stairs hurt without support now. I rarely go a day without an ache. The past few days though OMG. I just thought they hurt earlier. Constantly ache with random itch then something in core just twists and I suck in a breath. A minute or so later back to aches. forget about bumping into something I might pass out. I'm used to pain from other injuries but $&&@@&$. Try hiding this experience while presenting something at work. I now have vellus hair in corners and patch up top. There may be hope after all. Not counting on it, but it's wishful thinking for time being. HRT has ruined my nails due to delamination. The food cravings are real. Keep beeing bad since holiday. Gained 15 since thanksgiving/Christmas, but lost 5 this month. BP is way down compared to a few months ago. I guess there's less stress with acceptance and a bit of light excercise per day.
Mental changes? further acceptance and just living as me. No matter what I wear or do. I mean I'm just a girl living in the world as best she can. Clean bill of Mental health from therapist to boot.
Legal/life things. Got my first letter. Could have picked up second had therapy not been canceled. Weather sucks and lots of people with flu. Excited about letters, yet I did tear up slightly. It signifies a monumental moment and change. I don't think it's sunk in yet. Also picked up a letter for insurance to cover electrolysis. Wooo my first insurance covered "procedure". Time to fight them a bit. Can't change gender on BC or license until GCS. I can change passport. Definitely considering that, but only marker for now. It'll still be a bit for legal name change. I've been going out more and more. I believe we are ourselves no matter how we dress. NOne the less. I'm not out completely at work, and around home. Home is still don't ask don't tell. Yeah there's likely a nuke sitting in the corner starting to count down. I've called in local support. I just hope the specialist can help diffuse the blast before time runs out. I didn't expect this much change in such a short period of time. While traveling and not at work I'm out in public as me. Fortunately I've been taking voice lessons. Apparently like I'm a southern valley girl with a bit of Marilyn mixed in occasionally. Hey so far it works. I won't be taking up a second job as a livelinks call center girl anytime soon though. All this amounts to in many ways I'm the happiest I can recall. I'm actually a bit goofy/quirky/geeky/nerdy and talkative again. On the flip side I'm dreading the sit down with family, but it must be done. The alternative is unacceptable. Life's to short and precious to throw away.
What's next......More hair removal. A few consults. An international trip for work lasting about 3 weeks. Plan to go drab for trip &@!! Outing myself to VA. Free medical care where possible. transition is expensive. Girly wants new shoes. Last but not least that family counseling bit.
Y'all be good until next time.
Nice update Jaime! Yes you will get weaker as muscle mass is lost but you should exercise to maintain strength. I've used Biotin tablets to help with nail care. You might try it too. I'm glad to read your mental state is good, as it should be! Yes transition is expensive.
Thanks for stopping in Judi. A few weeks ago I added a multi-vitamin with 500% of biotine requirement included. I hope it will help.