Hi, my name is Susan and I am the wife of @Jessica_Rose. Jessica transitioned on February 16, 2018, but I will use 'she/her/hers' throughout this story.
I was still in high school when we started dating. After our first date I wasn't sure if I wanted a second, but somehow she convinced me to go out again. We got married when she graduated college in 1984.
For the most part we were happy, but there were times when her anger scared me. I tolerated it when she occasionally wore women's underwear, but I wasn't happy about it. After 10 years of marriage she convinced me that it was time to start a family. Our first daughter was born in 1994, and our second in 1998. After two I said 'no more!'
Most people thought we were a happy family, but her anger could be uncontrollable at times. I never knew what could trigger her rage. I tried my best to keep her happy, but it seemed like I could not do anything right. I felt trapped.
Our older daughter graduated college in 2015 and moved out of state. Our younger daughter started college in 2016, also out of state. I was adjusting to her being gone and having a hard time. I was upset and lonely. I finally started working through it and accepted that our daughters were gone, and it would just be the two of us again. I was looking forward to spending time together and traveling more often.
On February 12, 2017, as we were in bed getting ready to go to sleep, Jessica handed me a letter. She told me that she was transgender. My world fell apart. I was so mad I didn't know what to say or do. I was lost. I asked her if that meant she was going to have surgery, she said 'not necessarily'. I asked her a few other questions, but I don't remember them. I really did not want to talk about it.
As the weeks and months passed Jessica would bring it up occasionally, but I would shut the conversation down fast. I'm not sure when she started HRT, she didn't tell me. I slept in our daughter's room for a long time.
Jessica started seeing a therapist in November 2017, and I grudgingly joined her a month or two later. I was still mad as hell, but I wanted us to stay together. Within the next few months I began to notice that her anger was gone. Things that normally would have provoked anger now caused a smile or even laughter. I still didn't understand, but the angry person I used to know had been replaced by someone different. I knew her, yet I didn't. It took several months, but this new person began to grow on me. My smile returned, along with my laughter. Soon I began to fall in love with her all over again.
Jessica has scheduled GCS for April 2019. Although I am unsure about this step, I know she feels it is something she must do. I am still trying to figure out what our future together looks like. Hopefully one day I will realize that I made a good trade -- swapping a constantly angry, hostile guy for a happy, joyful woman who is not afraid to be herself.
@Susan_Rose Dear Susan: I see that you just signed up as a brand new member of Susan's Place and that this is your very first posting. Your @Jessica_Rose is a beloved member here on the Susan's Place Forums and she always speaks very highly of you. I am very glad that you have joined in on the conversations here on the Forums, this way Jessica Rose will be on her best behavior.
I am most pleased that you had decided to join Susan's Place and thank you for writing your initial and very descriptive and interesting posting here on the Introductions Forum,
By now you know that this is the right place for you to be to find out what others may have to say that may have been in your circumstances and with your questions and concerns.
There are a lot of members here that will be able to identify with your situation as you continue to feel free to share it.
Please allow me to warmly WELCOME you to Susan's Place.
You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others and to read about others similar trials, tribulations, and successes.
As you are certainly aware you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other like-minded members. When frustrated or if you have successes you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....
***It's a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new friends here.
Please come in and continue to be involved at your own pace.
I have included information about the site that will help you navigate around and best utilize the features here.
Please look closely at the LINKS in RED, answers are there to many questions that new members ask.
Again, Welcome to Susan's Place.
Danielle
Here are some links to the site rules and stuff that all new members should be familiar with:
Things that you should read
Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html) | Standard Terms & Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html) | Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.) | Cautionary Note (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,82221.0.html) |
Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html) | News posting & quoting guidelines (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html) | Photo, avatars, & signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866) | Membership Agreement (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,216851.0.html) |
@Susan_Rose Oh, another thing Susan:
Here on the forums is a Significant Others Talk section that will allow comment and thought exchange with other Significant Others .... you might want to visit that sub-forum.
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php?board=26.0
Again Susan, thank you for joining Susan's Place.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
Susan,
Welcome! I'm glad you decided to join! Thank you for sharing your experience with Jessica's transition. It is a very helpful dynamic that you have brought.
I applaud your courage, strength and love that you have shown over the years! The work you two have done to preserve you marriage is encouraging to read!
Hugs,
Lacy
@Susan_Rose
Hi Susan,
Lovely to meet you, I think it takes real courage, love and commitment to support their partner through a change like this. I love that you identified some of the new positives in Jessica and the way it affects your relationship and your positivity that there is a joyful woman there, that you might just find is the love of your life.
My wife (together 20years) is also very supportive and we have been focused on and enjoying many of the new and positive aspects of the change in our relationship. Plus we're both a NZ/AUS size 16 so we wear the same size dresses - and the same size feet - which she thinks is adorable! she's already borrowed a couple of my dresses and a pair of heels for going out. I'm not full time - but I do wear various ambiguous femme clothing when out and about.
Take care,
Sonja.
Hi Susan, you are very welcome here. I'm Jessica too...I have known Jessica Rose on Susan's Place for sometime and she is a loved member. Your experiences are similar to my wife. Unfortunately she is still dealing with her emotions in silent mode still. I'm so happy you have found your true love again!
Hugs and smiles from a California girl and another Jessica
Susan, It is the wonderful women like yourself that put their trust into your best friends that make the journey enjoyable. I too got so angry and I was angry a long long time. It finally came to a head when I had a break down. I could no longer ignore the 800lb gorilla in the room. My depression affected my work. But my wife who has known I crossdressed since before we got married 35 years ago. It was still a mystery to her when I admitted I was on HRT. That was almost 2 1/2 years ago. I now do dishes, vacuum, dust, clean toilets and floors and it doesn't bother me any more. I get to visit with my support groups as myself. I see my doctors and therapists a couple times a week. I am becoming the soft hearted person I always dreamed I was. I am starting to laugh and smile again. Jo is smiling and laughing too. It was my humor that brought her to me in the first place. I loved to joke around and then it all went away. Why she stuck it out with me I have not figured out yet, but I am so appreciative. We have a wonderful family that has expanded with two new grand daughters. It is amazing to wake up each morning and look forward to the day. I have been so blessed. The people I've met that I never would if I had not come out. That includes Doctors and Therapists who have been so encouraging. Jo still does not fully understand yet she pretty much allows me to do what I want. My therapist is asking to meet her as she believes I should be presenting full time. Every night we say our I love you's before we go to sleep and I actually believe she means it. I wish only good things come of this for you. It will be hard but will be rewarding down the road and you grow old with the person you love. Sitting on the porch celebrating your 50th anniversary.
Quote from: Susan_Rose on November 08, 2018, 08:53:57 PM
Hi, my name is Susan and I am the wife of @Jessica_Rose. Jessica transitioned on February 16, 2018, but I will use 'she/her/hers' throughout this story.
I was still in high school when we started dating. After our first date I wasn't sure if I wanted a second, but somehow she convinced me to go out again. We got married when she graduated college in 1984.
For the most part we were happy, but there were times when her anger scared me. I tolerated it when she occasionally wore women's underwear, but I wasn't happy about it. After 10 years of marriage she convinced me that it was time to start a family. Our first daughter was born in 1994, and our second in 1998. After two I said 'no more!'
Most people thought we were a happy family, but her anger could be uncontrollable at times. I never knew what could trigger her rage. I tried my best to keep her happy, but it seemed like I could not do anything right. I felt trapped.
Our older daughter graduated college in 2015 and moved out of state. Our younger daughter started college in 2016, also out of state. I was adjusting to her being gone and having a hard time. I was upset and lonely. I finally started working through it and accepted that our daughters were gone, and it would just be the two of us again. I was looking forward to spending time together and traveling more often.
On February 12, 2017, as we were in bed getting ready to go to sleep, Jessica handed me a letter. She told me that she was transgender. My world fell apart. I was so mad I didn't know what to say or do. I was lost. I asked her if that meant she was going to have surgery, she said 'not necessarily'. I asked her a few other questions, but I don't remember them. I really did not want to talk about it.
As the weeks and months passed Jessica would bring it up occasionally, but I would shut the conversation down fast. I'm not sure when she started HRT, she didn't tell me. I slept in our daughter's room for a long time.
Jessica started seeing a therapist in November 2017, and I grudgingly joined her a month or two later. I was still mad as hell, but I wanted us to stay together. Within the next few months I began to notice that her anger was gone. Things that normally would have provoked anger now caused a smile or even laughter. I still didn't understand, but the angry person I used to know had been replaced by someone different. I knew her, yet I didn't. It took several months, but this new person began to grow on me. My smile returned, along with my laughter. Soon I began to fall in love with her all over again.
Jessica has scheduled GCS for April 2019. Although I am unsure about this step, I know she feels it is something she must do. I am still trying to figure out what our future together looks like. Hopefully one day I will realize that I made a good trade -- swapping a constantly angry, hostile guy for a happy, joyful woman who is not afraid to be herself.
Welcome Susan
I really enjoyed reading about how you felt during this difficult time for you and the way your love of each other was in the end what mattered to you both.
I have wonderful wife who supports me fully which made a real positive difference in my life and I am sure that having you by her side will have made a huge difference for Jessica. I admire anyone who can do this, it shows how much of a special person you are.
Welcome and I hope you enjoy your time here
Take care
Liz
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
Well Hi there Susan,
Yep it's me, the wandering waif of Susan's Place. Here let me hold that door open for you so you can come in out of the cold. Sometimes I wonder about some of these other members who open the door, stick their heads out to say hi and welcome but fail to invite you in. Come on, come on you know me I'm okay. You'll be safe with me. Besides it's cold out there. Isn't that better? Here let me take that coat and we will go over and sit by the fire and chat a bit. Here ya go have a seat in this overstuffed recliner. Yeah it is a bit worn but it is loving wear. It's Minoca's? no, Myno's, no Oh yeah it's Moanie's. It's okay she is hard around our hang out anymore. She has become very attached to the top of her refrigerator. Everyone seems to blame me for it, but I swear she did it herself. Hey, whatever make her
@HappyMoni right?
Now where were we? Oh right,
@Jessica, could you bring Susan a cup of tea please? She's a sweet one but has a small problem, ( idol worship. Yep, she's my little sis and follows me everywhere.) Will you bring Susan a few of
@Michelle_P 's homemade cookies too? They are so delicious. Michelle is always in the kitchen making us goodies. Hey Jessica, I forgot. Be careful going into the kitchen
@Steph2.0 has been misbehaving again and is on the fridge.... Yes she found her stash of fruit again and is throwing it at anyone within range. She hit
@Cindy in the noggin and we had to stop the bleeding and bandage her up. I've asked
@Alaskan Danielle to call
@SassyCassie and ask her to come out and calm Stephanie down.
Are you comfortable
@Susan_Rose ? Warm? I hope so. I think
@Jessica_Rose told me she was going to show you around.
Well, Hun I have to run, appointments y'know. I am sure the others well be dropping in to say hi soon. OH MY! Where are my manners? Welcome to Susan's Place Susan. Love to have you here with us.
Hugs,
Laurie
Here you go Susan, some of Michelle's cookies and hot tea... 🍪🍪🍪 ☕️....enjoy!
Hi, Susan! Now you've found where we are all hiding. This is the very place where I met
@Laurie, as well as many other friends I now treasure. It's a good place, lots of information, and hundreds of stories by folks dealing with these gender issues in themselves and their loved ones.l
Oh, and yes, I make cookies. And tea, and coffees, and pizzas, and desserts...(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181109/de1cb693ef120c6c3579362d7bdc7337.jpg)
Hi Susan, welcome to Susan's Place! I love couples on the site, in fact, I'm part of one. :)
Glad you have joined us. As we each contribute to the site, our words become the boards and nails this house of support is built out of. You're helping the next person to come along figure this out. Good work!
See you around the site!
Hugs, Devlyn
Hi, Susan, and welcome! Thank you for sharing your portion of your journey with
@Jessica_Rose as a couple. You have stuck with her through difficult times, and are emerging happier out the other side. Your story brought tears to my eyes.
I find it heartwarming to hear the stories of spouses who have stayed with and supported their transitioning partners. (My wife is one of them) It is a difficult thing to do, and I have nothing but admiration for you.
I am sure you will be a great source of support and comfort to other struggling spouses, and I hope you will in turn find whatever support you need.
Hi Susan Rose :icon_wave:
Welcome to Susan's Place :) Glad to have you here, join on in the fun
Hugs
V M
Hi Susan! I'm so very glad you joined Susan's place. I have known Jessica for a short time but long enough to know her story and a little bit about your relationship together. It makes my heart sing when couples find a way to make a relationship such as this work. You have definitely come to the right place to find answers to the questions you may have. There are many helpful members here that are in the same place you both are.
Warm welcoming hugs to both of you Susan.
Donica.
Quote from: Laurie on November 08, 2018, 10:21:08 PM
Well Hi there Susan,
Yep it's me, the wandering waif of Susan's Place. Here let me hold that door open for you so you can come in out of the cold. Sometimes I wonder about some of these other members who open the door, stick their heads out to say hi and welcome but fail to invite you in. Come on, come on you know me I'm okay. You'll be safe with me. Besides it's cold out there. Isn't that better? Here let me take that coat and we will go over and sit by the fire and chat a bit. Here ya go have a seat in this overstuffed recliner. Yeah it is a bit worn but it is loving wear. It's Minoca's? no, Myno's, no Oh yeah it's Moanie's. It's okay she is hard around our hang out anymore. She has become very attached to the top of her refrigerator. Everyone seems to blame me for it, but I swear she did it herself. Hey, whatever make her @HappyMoni right?
Now where were we? Oh right, @Jessica, could you bring Susan a cup of tea please? She's a sweet one but has a small problem, ( idol worship. Yep, she's my little sis and follows me everywhere.) Will you bring Susan a few of @Michelle_P 's homemade cookies too? They are so delicious. Michelle is always in the kitchen making us goodies. Hey Jessica, I forgot. Be careful going into the kitchen @Steph2.0 has been misbehaving again and is on the fridge.... Yes she found her stash of fruit again and is throwing it at anyone within range. She hit @Cindy in the noggin and we had to stop the bleeding and bandage her up. I've asked @Alaskan Danielle to call @SassyCassie and ask her to come out and calm Stephanie down.
Are you comfortable @Susan_Rose ? Warm? I hope so. I think @Jessica_Rose told me she was going to show you around.
Well, Hun I have to run, appointments y'know. I am sure the others well be dropping in to say hi soon. OH MY! Where are my manners? Welcome to Susan's Place Susan. Love to have you here with us.
Hugs,
Laurie
Hi Susan,
It is a pleasure to meet you. You have my admiration in two ways. First of all, you know Laurie, and you didn't go screaming into the night from that experience. (I am glad she has welcomed you in her inimitable way which absolutely no one understands. lol) Secondly, and more importantly, you have been on quite a personal journey. My partner and I are together, so I know something of the difficulties of this journey for a partner. It is wonderful and really speaks to your strength that not only have you shown amazing support for Jessica, but you have honored us with your story. That is pretty special. I expect you will continue on your adventure, needing to make adjustments as we all do. I wish both of you happiness and hope you find the support you need. I hope you feel welcome here.
Moni
(Laurie, its a washer/dryer, get it right!)
I may be breaking a rule, but I wanted add a little background about the night I came out to Susan. In the future I will do my best to refrain from posting in any of her threads. I posted the letter I gave Susan here:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,233104.msg2078576.html#msg2078576
By the way, Susan found a song that sums up how she feels about me now. Here are a few lyrics from 'True Love' by P!NK:
Sometimes I hate every single stupid word you say
Sometimes I wanna slap you in your whole face
There's no one quite like you
You push all my buttons down
I know life would suck without you
At the same time, I wanna hug you
I wanna wrap my hands around your neck
You're an >-bleeped-< but I love you
And you make me so mad I ask myself
Why I'm still here, or where could I go
You're the only love I've ever known
But I hate you, I really hate you
So much, I think it must be
True love, true love...
There were many times I thought our marriage was over, yet Susan consistently proved me wrong. I don't know what I did to deserve someone who loves me so deeply. I will do my best to keep her happy for the rest of our days, 'til death do us part. Love always -- Jessica Rose
@Jessica_Rose cc: Susan_RoseDear Jessica:
No worries, I am sure not aware of any Forums rules being broken by you posting on your wife's thread....
... it is her rules that you really should be concerned about !!!!! ;)
Such a sweet letter and wonderful loving sentiment expressed .... and even better is the resulting full acceptance and love from your wife Susan....
You are a lucky and fortunate girl for sure.
Hugs and well wishes to both you and Susan.
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on November 09, 2018, 08:58:07 PM
@Jessica_Rose cc: Susan_Rose
Dear Jessica:
No worries, I am sure not aware of any Forums rules being broken by you posting on your wife's thread....
... it is her rules that you really should be concerned about !!!!! ;)
Such a sweet letter and wonderful loving sentiment expressed .... and even better is the resulting full acceptance and love from your wife Susan....
You are a lucky and fortunate girl for sure.
Hugs and well wishes to both you and Susan.
Danielle
Short and sweet ditto!
Hi Susan,
I'm running a few days late here, but welcome! I'm your neighbor who met you when the group of disreputables had dinner at Biaggi's. I'd love for you and my wife to get together some time.
The song by Pink that you found brought tears to my eyes. You are a very special person, and so is my wife.
Thanks for being here. I hope the somewhat overwhelming welcomes don't put you off -- as Danielle said, Jessica is much loved here, and this crowd you see posting on your thread is pretty active.
Randy
Quote from: Jessica_Rose on November 09, 2018, 08:51:23 PM
I may be breaking a rule, but I wanted add a little background about the night I came out to Susan. In the future I will do my best to refrain from posting in any of her threads. I posted the letter I gave Susan here:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,233104.msg2078576.html#msg2078576
By the way, Susan found a song that sums up how she feels about me now. Here are a few lyrics from 'True Love' by P!NK:
Sometimes I hate every single stupid word you say
Sometimes I wanna slap you in your whole face
There's no one quite like you
You push all my buttons down
I know life would suck without you
At the same time, I wanna hug you
I wanna wrap my hands around your neck
You're an >-bleeped-< but I love you
And you make me so mad I ask myself
Why I'm still here, or where could I go
You're the only love I've ever known
But I hate you, I really hate you
So much, I think it must be
True love, true love...
There were many times I thought our marriage was over, yet Susan consistently proved me wrong. I don't know what I did to deserve someone who loves me so deeply. I will do my best to keep her happy for the rest of our days, 'til death do us part. Love always -- Jessica Rose
Oh I sooo love that song. In the video you can tell Pink is singing from the heart.
Susan,
May I welcome you to the family here at Susan's Place? I am Stevi. I am one of the lucky ones here who has received the support of their spouse. I think that is happening more often than it used to. Just an impression, but I sure hope I am right. Anyway, you are special to Jessica Rose and to us.
Welcome,
Stevi
Thanks, Stevi
It's nice to be welcomed. Everyone has been very helpful. Have a wonderful day. Susan_Rose
Hi Susan, A little birdie (well okay a large birdie) mentioned something about it being your birthday!. Happy 29th Birthday Susan. Hope you had a great day!
Love ya,
Laurie
Thanks, Laurie,
I had a wonderful day. So nice to hear from you. Take good care. Susan
Hi Susan, your post about your experience with Jessica_Rose is very special. I marvel at the spouses of those of us who have accepted we are transgender. You and Jessica have worked through a tremendous amount of emotion and have stayed together, grown stronger together. I have read many stories of supportive spouses and this makes me very happy.
I can't say that is my experience, unfortunately, but I am very happy now pursuing a new journey and I have become closer to my kids.
Thank you for sharing your experience.
Zoey
@Susan_Rose cc: @Jessica_Rose
Dear Susan:Your very "special day" ...
.
... your Birthday is on Friday, February 9thEveryone on the Forum is wishing you a VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY :icon_bunch: :icon_birthday: :icon_birthday: :icon_birthday: :icon_bunch:
I hope that your plans for your Birthday and Special Day are filled with happiness. and with Friends and Family
Candles and Cake Warmest Regards and Happy Birthday
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
(https://i.imgur.com/dC2vE2El.jpg)
Happy birthday sweetie, hugs from me xx
Jessica_k
Xxx