I mean, it is kind of bizarre. We take hormones, we have surgeries, and we examine our target sex in a detail most scientists wouldn't use, just to be ourselves.
I remember back in high school, I used to worry that I would lead a boring life...
I guess I don't have to worry about that now.
I accepted I was trans a long time ago, and while it felt weird for a few years, eventually it just felt normal and a part of me.
And that was 20 years before I decided to transition, when I finally made the decision to stop ignoring this part of me and to not just accept it but embrace it.
But I know that it is totally weird for most people...it's such a alien concept for most.
Yeah, I´ve been thinking that this really didn´t turn to be a boring life, in any indicator.
Though, I have a few words with the manufacturing quality control, when I get to meet my maker...
cis people on both sides do things to make themselves 'better'. Some, imo, ruin themselves in pursuit of their ideal. Those are also weird paths, again imo.
I felt weird my whole life. I did things to 'correct' myself when I didn't even know what was wrong. What I am doing now is no more weird than ever. Then again, it's a vast improvement so, for me, less weird.
'weird' is like 'normal' .. no one is and everyone is.
Why yes...yes I have. Many times. I met a person many many years ago that I looked to for some advice and guidance. They lived a dual life which I was always amazed at. We had many a serious discussions about transition etc. They said to me, "Why the BEEP would you want to do that...transition to a woman? So you can be a secretary? So you can get harassed - discriminated against? Doesn't it seem weird to go through all you'll go through just to put yourself in that position?" Over the years, I've thought about that discussion many times from many different angles. And just how weird it can all seem or be. Imagine being on the other side looking in and trying to understand it all.
Quote from: BrianaJ on January 21, 2019, 09:21:13 AM
Imagine being on the other side looking in and trying to understand it all.
Yes we constantly think/analyse/examine the subject of Gender and those on the other side never consider the subject.
Personally I think what I was doing before taking action to address it, was living my life essentially as an actress!
Hugs to all
Pamela
It is unusual! But that is okay. :)
Chrissy
I feel more normal now. It was weird trying to be a boy. It was weird trying to hangout and fit in with the other boys at school and in Boy Scouts. Boy Scouts was probably the weirdest thing I ever did. OMG!
Yes, many times. I call those my WTF moments. The first one lasted 60 years! :D Since then, they have been getting less frequent and they don't last as long.
As Buddy Ryan would say, "But I'm feeling much better now!"
When I first tried on my sister's tights, I worried someone else would find out as it wasn't normal that a boy would want to do such a thing. This is something I worried about for years, whether it was wearing pantyhose under my pants or going for full cross dressing. Now that I have accepted who I am, those things are normal. So, as mentioned in my sig, I wear a bra, pantyhose and nail polish daily and consider it normal, because it is. And, I'll soon be on hormones, barring any medical reason to prevent it.
Sometimes I do have these WTF (Why the Fuss?) moments. :)
There certainly is a lot of effort and determination required and a lot of challenges at times.
Chrissy
Oh, did I ever! These kind of thoughts surfaced a lot of times and they were usually followed by a period when I tried to distance myself from trans* things because I felt that this whole thing is so out of this world and strange that it cannot be true. I was overthinking my situation and tried to approach the subject from all possible angles until I realized that I can think about it as much as I want I will never have the chance to be truly happy if I don't do something about it.
Whatever it is, it my intersex condition or is it a mental thing? I never stop to think about myself in whatever roll I was. When i was little, I played the same stuff an d was dressed the same like my sister. I did not know that this was girls stuff, because I had no idea what gender is. Later, I was told that I am a boy, and I tried to play a boys roll, it was easy in the beginning, as much fun as playing a girls roll, and not really that much different. Later in my life, a constant and growing anger build up, but I had no idea why? It was almost as if I was angry to be angry. Anyway that anger destroyed my marriage, and I finally looked for professional help. The anger went away, and I found out that I was not really a man, but just tried to play one, and finally failed in that roll. But I still did not know what I was, because I still did not have any clear gender identity (and i still don't have one). I accepted my new roll of not really being anything, because I was usd to this all along. Some years later my desire to become a woman got stronger and stronger, and my body started to develop breasts (today I know that I never finished puberty, and this was the beginning of finishing it), and my female chromosoms took over, and I believe that this was the last push I needed to become a woman.
But I still don't wonder about it, because for my entire life I was used to live in an unusual body not really matching the roll I was old I had to match.
I mean, trying to be a manly man inside a body that is still pre-puberty, and pretty heavily female looking, gets the brain to accept a lot of different stimulations. Nothing about myself makes me sit back and wonder, I have learned to take it as it comes!
Before coming out was weird. This doesn't feel weird at all. It feels very natural. I'm finally at ease with myself. I can enjoy being who I am.
Quote from: Beverly Anne on January 21, 2019, 01:20:56 PM
Before coming out was weird. This doesn't feel weird at all.
:eusa_clap: Best answer! ;D
There are some days I hardly think about anything else (though not always in the context of weird), but then I am turribly conflicted about it all. I do have to say though, the feeling of putting some clothes or shoes on and feeling 100 percent normal about that, which sometimes happens, is just unbelievably sweet. It's like the sun coming out from behind a cloud.
In the end funny enough, you just kind of forget about it really? It will hit you in waves mind.
Mostly hits me in amazement of where I am now, compared to where I was.
Quote from: Mendi on January 21, 2019, 09:15:38 AM
Yeah, I´ve been thinking that this really didn´t turn to be a boring life, in any indicator.
Though, I have a few words with the manufacturing quality control, when I get to meet my maker...
Amen to that sister! Amen to that.
Sent from my SM-G950F using Tapatalk
There are so many great thoughts and responses to this thread!
I never felt normal before. I always wondered why I felt weird and had to fake everything that my friends seemed to just know.
Since the first time I fully accepted myself I have felt extremely normal! My normal. Screw what society thinks is normal...they don't know me!
One person's normal is another person's weird!
Lacy
Quote from: randim on January 21, 2019, 02:17:47 PM
There are some days I hardly think about anything else
Me too.
Lacy beat me to it. I've always believed one persons normal is another persons weird. Yeah duck out of water like others my whole life. So what, becoming more normal everyday.
I don't know, I was never allowed to forget how weird I was when I was a child. Trying to be a boy I thought was pretty weird.
This seems pretty normal now even though I am sure that I am still considered weird by many. I am happy now at least.
I've never had the "normal" option.
Growing my hair out seems to help me blend in better.
Quote from: RealLacy on January 21, 2019, 03:32:48 PM
There are so many great thoughts and responses to this thread!
I never felt normal before. I always wondered why I felt weird and had to fake everything that my friends seemed to just know.
Since the first time I fully accepted myself I have felt extremely normal! My normal. Screw what society thinks is normal...they don't know me!
One person's normal is another person's weird!
Lacy
That was me exactly to a t... I constantly felt awkward, like I was reading of a script and nothing would sound right! It was terrible... And at 27 years old it was getting worse [emoji31]
Now, I think it's weird when guys show interest in me and I remember my transness. Or when people clock me and in my mind I think, well I'm not a genetic girl and they know. I mostly feel weird like people will think I'm fake... But people don't know me and I'm sure those same people judged me before too and always will. Some people just don't like me! Lol I'm learning to live with it [emoji6]
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I am sitting in a restaurant having finished dinner. I'm wearing flats, opaque black stockings, b&w flower patterned capris, a white long sleeves bodysuit, 36B bra, and an asymmetrical grey sweater.
There is a little WTF going on in my head, thinking this is different, maybe weird, but happy and calm with myself. I love being out in public as i want to be. I even used the women's washroom tonight for the first time (okay, that was intimidating and weird).
Just be natural, I am telling myself.
Hugs Zoey xoxo
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I came out to my sisters last week and it feels wierd that happened and the fact that they support me. One of my sisters wants me to transition. It may be even more wierd once I hrt.
Quote from: Zoey421 on January 21, 2019, 09:15:00 PM
I even used the women's washroom tonight for the first time (okay, that was intimidating and weird).
Just be natural, I am telling myself.
Hugs Zoey xoxo
Sent from my SM-G950W using Tapatalk
This will still be weird for a few more times, but you get used to it more and more. In a few weeks you will even be chating with the other ladies inside waiting for a free stall or redoing their makeup.
Remeber, you are a women!
Besides absolutely all the time?
I feel like after the very last bounce I took on a trampoline, someone switched off the earth's gravity, and now I'm flying through space.
I always knew I was from outer space. When I was 5, I wanted to be an astronaut.
Transitioning is weird for me because I didn't know or UNDERSTAND that it was possible until I was 32. Then when I finally worked up the guts to watch someone FTM on youtube, I lost my marbles and scheduled my intake at the gender clinic 2 days later. (I read about transitioning for a long time, but couldn't bring myself to actually watch a real person speak while I wrestled with questioning.)
I know it's right, but I don't have any other trans people in my life. I think it freaks out my brain because I don't have any precedents or points of reference.
Life feels really uncertain, but I'm finally getting used to the idea that whatever happens, I will be okay (and also more good than bad is going to happen). Getting all the legal/social transition out of the way has been an immense weight off my shoulders, too.
The weirdest part to me, honestly, is that transitioning is not weird. This is the person that I've been the entire time. I think it's weird how I have been invisible my entire life, stuck in a body that wasn't mine, and no one could see me, recognize me, or properly connect with me because of it. I've been unconsciously grasping at the reflection I couldn't see since I hit puberty in the form of partners, fictional escapism, and posters on my wall.
It makes me think of that moment in the Matrix when Morpheus tells Neo, "This is your residual self-image."
Being the ghost in your own life - it doesn't get any weirder than that. Glad it's coming to an end.
Quote from: VivianB on January 21, 2019, 09:20:23 PM
I came out to my sisters last week and it feels wierd that happened and the fact that they support me. One of my sisters wants me to transition. It may be even more wierd once I hrt.
those are the best sisters. Its like they want more girls in the family or something
I personally think humans were meant to evolve to start using technology to alter our bodies. For some time now we've been putting in all kinds of implants and making artificial prosthesis. So some of us humans use science to alter our gender.
Quote from: jackiefox5585 on January 22, 2019, 03:58:08 AM
I personally think humans were meant to evolve to start using technology to alter our bodies. For some time now we've been putting in all kinds of implants and making artificial prosthesis. So some of us humans use science to alter our gender.
That's true and surgeries have been happening for a long time... While estrogen helps a lot, I always think without it, most of us would rely on suppressing testosterone by getting an orchiectomy. I always wonder if that was the case for transgender people in the past before hrt. It sounds to me like one biological factor can change so much for a person and help them... Now we know that having no sex hormone either testosterone or estrogen leads to osteoporosis and other health complications. And I don't mean they were just done for eunichs, but trans women too...
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Quote from: jackiefox5585 on January 22, 2019, 03:58:08 AM
I personally think humans were meant to evolve to start using technology to alter our bodies. For some time now we've been putting in all kinds of implants and making artificial prosthesis. So some of us humans use science to alter our gender.
I don't agree with this! If that would be the case, I would not have been able to earn my living! The human body tries to reject anything that is not part of it's biological system. In addition, post surgical wound infections would not be one of the larger problems in our hospitals, because the body would reject all human pathogens getting into the wound, if it as meant to be surgically altered!
QuoteNow we know that having no sex hormone either testosterone or estrogen leads to osteoporosis and other health complications.
I've often wondered about that. Dogs and cats are routinely "fixed". Do they develop those problems? I've had many dogs and cats over the years and don't recall that ever being a problem.
I think it is natural for some of us to have some questioning, as what we go through is quite radical. We might think we are "going against Mother Nature" and perhaps we should not mess with it!
But, if we are honest with ourselves we realize that we need to take positive steps to deal with our gender. What each of us does, or can do, may differ from what we want to do if there were no real barriers to cope with. We may give up a lot to get what we want.
But we must make decisions. We may change our minds, change our schedule, or keep on going.
Does it seem weird at times? Certainly we are on an unusual trek.
I wish you all "good travels" on your journey! :)
Chrissy
Quote from: RealLacy on January 21, 2019, 03:32:48 PM
There are so many great thoughts and responses to this thread!
I never felt normal before. I always wondered why I felt weird and had to fake everything that my friends seemed to just know.
Since the first time I fully accepted myself I have felt extremely normal! My normal. Screw what society thinks is normal...they don't know me!
One person's normal is another person's weird!
Lacy
Hello Lacy
I agree with you on both counts.
I think my friends or acquaintances knew there was something weird or wrong in their eyes with me but I suspect they couldn't determine exactly what it was.
Yes since I decided to take positive action on my trans status, I have felt normal and in fact motivated whereas before I could feel I was false.
Hugs
Pamela
Quote from: Beverly Anne on January 21, 2019, 01:20:56 PM
Before coming out was weird. This doesn't feel weird at all. It feels very natural. I'm finally at ease with myself. I can enjoy being who I am.
I had always thought it weird that I wanted to be a girl from the time I knew there was a difference. I thought everyone else would think it's weird also so did my best to keep it hidden.
In reality, what was weird was trying to "man up" to make it go away and expecting that to work after countless attempts. Finally realized it wasn't going away and figured out that I always wanted to be a girl because I am one. So transition is my new normal.
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Doing something about it (i.e. transition) feels weird. But if I think about how I always felt that brought me to do it... that's always been there. If it's weird, it's all I know.
What's really weird is how HRT makes you feel more normal. Then your past starts to feel weird. You future might be weird. You present feels surreal.
After more than 20 years of working in the criminal justice system?
You're joking, right?
I feel that I am no different than any person healing from an ailment. I use technology that is fortunately for me, available, to achieve alignment with my body, and mind. I am living in a time of human advancements where I can make these corrections. I mean, look out to space outside of earth, and what is there? We are unique, and we need to embrace this uniqueness. We need to do anything to achieve happiness within ourselves. Our time on earth, in these bodies are so finite that being content and living within them happily is a necessity. Our bodies will be returned to the earth one day, and so I try my best to find balance and harmony in the one that I have. Everyone has their own priorities. For some it is making lots of money. For some, their guiding forces are to obtain spiritual enlightenment. For some, it is to help other people find happiness. And some, to conquer and control. My point is that people are diverse, and we as trans folks might have our own unique paths to follow, but they are not out of the norm when considering humankinds diverse existence. Being trans might feel extraordinary, but it really isn't. I'm stepping down from my soapbox now This topic just has me thinking. And wouldn't you know that I asked my spouse this very same question yesterday! She deferred the question back to me...
Quote from: AnamethatstartswithE on January 21, 2019, 08:50:02 AM
I mean, it is kind of bizarre. We take hormones, we have surgeries, and we examine our target sex in a detail most scientists wouldn't use, just to be ourselves.
I remember back in high school, I used to worry that I would lead a boring life...
I guess I don't have to worry about that now.
I ask myself that question. Why would I want to make my life complicated, give up male privilege, lose my family, be on meds for the rest of my life, and get really painful surgeries?
The answer is simple. Because to live as authentically me its what I need to do. Often the easy road doesn't lead to the desired outcomes. I choose to pay the price I must pay, take the hard road, and really live my life as it was meant to be lived. Life is neither easy, or boring, but to wake up every day and feel like the skin I live in fits, look forward to the day and not pretend? I'll pay any price for that.
Quote from: krobinson103 on January 22, 2019, 03:28:58 PM
The answer is simple. Because to live as authentically me its what I need to do. Often the easy road doesn't lead to the desired outcomes. I choose to pay the price I must pay, take the hard road, and really live my life as it was meant to be lived. Life is neither easy, or boring, but to wake up every day and feel like the skin I live in fits, look forward to the day and not pretend? I'll pay any price for that.
Yes....this is it for me!
It is so tiring living life that isn't authentic, and one where you cannot share your innermost pain and desires with anyone. Like you have relationships with all these people, but you can't tell anyone what you're really feeling, and you push those feelings down for decades. It just became too much and moreover, I just didn't want to regret not trying to go for a more fulfilling life.
What is also surprising is how un-weird you think it is before you actually realize you are trans. You can be fooled into thinking you have so many other problems that account for it. And you could probably have gone on for along time doing nothing about it if you didn't know like I did.
Once you know, weird or not, a decision has to be made with the knowledge.
Quote from: AnneK on January 22, 2019, 08:12:40 AM
I've often wondered about that. Dogs and cats are routinely "fixed". Do they develop those problems? I've had many dogs and cats over the years and don't recall that ever being a problem.
You cannot forget the age factor. Compare the lifespan of pets with that of humans! In addition, humans were not really designed to live as long as we do now, and all those age related ailments did not have a chance to develop!
For over 60 years I hid this weirdness from the world and myself. At times, it gave me such pleasure. But then, after self gratification, the shame and and misunderstanding returned. Many times over those 60 years I considered ending my life! When I was diagnosed with cancer, I was afraid I would never experience the true feminine side of me!! I came out to me wife, went for a make over, and Joanne appeared. Whether in male mode playing with my grandkids, or out shopping with my friends as Joanne, I do not feel weird or ashamed. I am very comfortable with myself!!! My wife is happier too. But that might be from my HRT!
Hugs,
Joanne
Quote from: CarlyMcx on January 22, 2019, 12:25:03 PM
After more than 20 years of working in the criminal justice system?
You're joking, right?
@CarlyMcx
:o >:-) ;D .... umm it's bad enough with a full moon. I wonder what will e coming up from this super blood wolf moon.