Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I would like to ask - Before your transition, how much time of your day you spent thinking about transition? i mean, 10% of your time? 20%? 80%? how much time that was part of your thoughts?

Hi Anonymous

Nice to see to you again, I hope things are going well for you.  You mentioned in your post "A question regarding transition";

Quote from: anonymous24 on July 21, 2024, 08:43:12 PMI would like to ask - Before your transition, how much time of your day you spent thinking about transition? i mean, 10% of your time? 20%? 80%? how much time that was part of your thoughts

I thought about it in light of my past and seriously even I cannot quantify the amount of time that I spent thinking about my situation.  If I did it would have to go like this 8 hours sleep, 6 hours swimming, 8 hours of work.  Which only left 2 hours left.  Which is approximately 10% of the day left to do any normal thinking.

Weekends you could forget, it was either competition swimming or some other activity.  Which at this point it becomes pointless to keep tabs on how much time I would have spent on longing or wanting to be female.

The last two years before I changed my life around, the thoughts did increase, but they never interfered in my life.  I never worried about them, they were a part of me.  When I did think about it or do something, buy clothes or get dressed, the amount of time was very short.  Why did it not bother me?

In hindsight now it's obvious that I was a female and I was just doing things that I liked, regardless of my situation.  So I never thought about 'transition',  but then again the word 'transition' was not around in my time.  So how could I?  Other members will of course have different answers to your question.

Which brings me to your post.  How much time are you thinking about it and exactly what are you thinking about, during those times?

Which leads to me to the following questions, have you spoken to any therapist about your situation?  What are you doing about these thoughts and what can you do about them.  You have been having these thoughts since you were 16 and you need the peace of mind that you so richly deserve in regards to your issues.

One last thought for you, I never thought about longing or wanting to be a female, ever again when I changed my life around, why?  I was living my life as a female.

Take care and all the best and please let us know how you are going.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter
@anonymous24

For me it was different, I think. When I was first diagnosed, I didn't really understand what that meant. I spent about two years in therapy learning what Gender Dysphoria is and how that applies to me. Once I accepted that this is who I am, I decided to pursue transition and of course, I wanted it all done right away. I understand it is a lifelong journey, but I am not a young girl with my whole life ahead of me. I wanted to get it all done and start living my life tomorrow.

At first, I probably spent a lot of time thinking about it, maybe even 50% of my day. I am retired and single, so I didn't have the issues of a job or family to distract me. I made a checklist of things I wanted to happen to help me achieve my goals, and I focused on one thing at a time. This tripped me up because I thought I had to do these things in order, then later discovered that it was unimportant. Just getting things done so I could check them off the list was a big help. Get it done and move on to the next.

Lately, I have realized that many of the things I want to get done, may not happen for me in this lifetime. Finances, location, and political climate are making these very close to impossible. These are issues that I discuss with my psychologist.

I have not given up hope. When someone tells me that something cannot be done, I turn it around and think, "How can I get this done?" I don't focus on the problem. I focus on the solution and if one is not readily available, I will work on inventing one. Never say never!

Nothing is impossible... except maybe putting toothpaste back in the tube.

After 60+ years of looking at this, I have developed this view. We are born incongruent with our birth sex, and we all realise at some point in our lives that we have conflict with our sex. For some, this occurs late in life, but for others , like myself, it goes back to our earliest memories.

At 4 year old I dreamed nightly os waking up as a girl, as at the time, there wasn't a way I knew of to transition other than magic! As I grew, I learned more, and I considered transition, but felt it was not possible for me. I identified the conflict and yearnings as dysphoria, and though I was able to temporarily distract myself by being insanely busy, some level of it was always there. I learned to manage it, by giving myself periods of affirmative action.

It wasn't always thinking of transition, but often discomfort with my gender role at the time. To overcome this discomfort, I took affirming action, which often took the form of imagining transition. From my 50's, my dysphoria increased, and in my 60's, it became critical. I didn't seriously consider transition until my health declined and my doctor insisted I had no option. Then it dominated my thoughts until after my surgery.

So I have learned that thinking of transition was a way of combating dysphoria, and it didn't always take the form of actual transition, but often simple affirming thoughts.

Hugs,

Allie

I transitioned because presenting male simply didn't work for me.  I had far too many female characteristics and that would drive folks nuts as they couldn't be sure of my gender!
Now that I've transitioned without HRT I have a very feminine 32A-22-34 figure.  Weight 106 lbs with a height of 5'2".  I'm very confident about my mannerisms and voice being feminine.

I wouldn't really be able to put a % of time on my thoughts. What I can say is that the thought of transition was just very persistent. It just kept swirling around in my thoughts. Some days it was more, some days it was less. Sometimes it felt as though it went away for good, like weeks or months at a time. However, it always came back. No matter what, it always came back.

Now that I have transitioned I have found some peace in that I no longer ponder if it might help me to feel better if I transition.

Quote from: Sarah B on July 22, 2024, 04:19:41 AMHi Anonymous

Nice to see to you again, I hope things are going well for you.  You mentioned in your post "A question regarding transition";

I thought about it in light of my past and seriously even I cannot quantify the amount of time that I spent thinking about my situation.  If I did it would have to go like this 8 hours sleep, 6 hours swimming, 8 hours of work.  Which only left 2 hours left.  Which is approximately 10% of the day left to do any normal thinking.

Weekends you could forget, it was either competition swimming or some other activity.  Which at this point it becomes pointless to keep tabs on how much time I would have spent on longing or wanting to be female.

The last two years before I changed my life around, the thoughts did increase, but they never interfered in my life.  I never worried about them, they were a part of me.  When I did think about it or do something, buy clothes or get dressed, the amount of time was very short.  Why did it not bother me?

In hindsight now it's obvious that I was a female and I was just doing things that I liked, regardless of my situation.  So I never thought about 'transition',  but then again the word 'transition' was not around in my time.  So how could I?  Other members will of course have different answers to your question.

Which brings me to your post.  How much time are you thinking about it and exactly what are you thinking about, during those times?

Which leads to me to the following questions, have you spoken to any therapist about your situation?  What are you doing about these thoughts and what can you do about them.  You have been having these thoughts since you were 16 and you need the peace of mind that you so richly deserve in regards to your issues.

One last thought for you, I never thought about longing or wanting to be a female, ever again when I changed my life around, why?  I was living my life as a female.

Take care and all the best and please let us know how you are going.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter
@anonymous24

Hi Sarah,

First of all i would like to thank you for asking me about my feelings. thats not obvious in our society today.

I actually think about it few times a day i think. it doesent bother me so much, probably because i repress it. i trying "not to think about it" too much, as i always think that it will dissapear some day. or that i could "live with it" without doing anything regarding transition.

This time i just cant do anything in this case, mainly because of my parents. i think that i will hurt them so much that i cant even think about it. telling them i have trans feeling can be harmful to them.

Quote from: anonymous24 on July 27, 2024, 07:20:49 PMThis time i just cant do anything in this case, mainly because of my parents. i think that i will hurt them so much that i cant even think about it. telling them i have trans feeling can be harmful to them.

Why do you think this, sweetie? Tell me about your parents. What are they like? What is your life like with them that you feel this way?

I know a mom who has posted pictures of her new daughter on her Facebook page!
She told me she has trouble remembering her new pronouns no matter how hard she tries.

I think about some level of HRT quite often to be honest.   I know I can not go all the way because of family etc etc so I think about it at a reduced level at least to help my dysphoria issue that nags at me from time to time.   I'm trying to get the courage to see a trans doctor to start but I have not quite got to the point just yet.   I did go as far as to select a Dr who is F/M himself.  I think I could find my place if I did grow some breast tissue and other suttle changes that would not create a loss of family,, my daughter is the one that I would be concerned with. I have not been married for 30 years so that is not a issue.   Thats my story  :)   

I understand your concerns, but I think you might be under a misconception. Breast growth is not determined by how much hormones you take. It is mostly genetic. Your body will respond to it in your system. A "low-level" dose will either be too low and not be very helpful, or it will be enough to get the breasts to grow. Once they grow, genetics take over and size will be determined by other factors. Merely taking a small amount of hormones will not necessarily help you with dysphoria. If it does, perhaps your dysphoria is mild enough that you could transition without it. Changing your appearance with clothing, breast forms, and wigs can help without making anything permanent. You can take them off if the situation dictates. They are available when you need them.

I am glad you found a supportive doctor. That is great! Discuss this with them. Let them know your concerns and what you are attempting to achieve.

How you live your life is up to you and no one else. Have you discussed the possibility of transition with your daughter? Maybe dance around the subject to get a feel of how she might respond? You might not know about her secret friend who is LGBTQ that she has not discussed with you, and it turns out that she could be very supportive.

Something that I learned is that we must live our own lives to achieve happiness, regardless of anyone else's feelings. Explain things to them. Help them understand. But it is their decision to stay or leave, not yours. Keeping them around under pretenses is dishonest and not a good way to approach any relationship. Talk to her. Let her decide for herself how she feels about it. She may be against it, to begin with, but after seeing that you are a happier you, change her position. She may talk to her circle of friends and realize it isn't the end of the world. Give her the chance to decide.

I am glad that you are giving these things some thought before blindly jumping in. In other words, you are doing it right.  :)

Quote from: Sephirah on July 27, 2024, 07:49:58 PMWhy do you think this, sweetie? Tell me about your parents. What are they like? What is your life like with them that you feel this way?

My mother is one of the most emotional persons i ever knew. she takes everything to her heart. and when it comes to me, thats much stronger. if she know something bad happen to me, than she would react very hard. she always like to protect me and take care of me, even though im 35 years old. again, she is super-emotional and i think she will cry for days and will take that very hard if i will tell her about my trans feeling. i also did made her hard times in the last years, which caused her alot of sorrow, so thats even make it harder for me.

Otherwise than her, i dont afraid telling no one, including my father and my siblings. the hardest part is my mom. i just cant even tell her a word about this.

Transition or dysphoria was on my mind or in the back of my mind almost all the time. 

Hi Anonymous

Just a thought I have had, is there a name that you would like to be called.  'Anonymous' seems so impersonal.  You deserve to be recognized for who you truly are.  It would be nice and if you decide, we at Susan's can change your name, if you so wish.

Thank you for telling us a little about your mum.  Even though you have told us your mum is very emotional.  You have not said anything about other family members including where you live.  It would be nice to hear a little bit more about your family situation.

Please remember that you only share what you are comfortable in sharing and anything you say here can be read by anyone on the internet.  If you want to have a private conversation then it is possible with PM's here on Susan's or on Susan's Discord channel.

You have indicated that your mum is protective of her family and that is what it should be.  That is what mothers do.  However, you have also indicated that when you did something 'wrong', your mother reacted emotionally.  Regardless of what you did or the reason why is not the issue at the present stage.  Why?

Your mother is using Emotional Blackmail, to control you.  In other words you do something 'wrong' or whatever then she will cry for days and have a lot of sorrow.  Do you know what her thoughts are on 'trans' people are?  It seems she may, because you allude to the fact if you did tell  her, she would not like it one bit and would react in the way you have already described.

You have said, you are 34 years old and you have had these feelings of wanting, longing or being a woman since you were 16 years old.  Let me tell you now, these feelings are not going to go away, unless you do something about them.  If you have been reading Susan's for 14 odd years, then you know, these feelings do not go away as countless members have said 'these feelings do not go away' unless they did something to alleviate those symptoms.  I know as I'm one of those.

You asked "And im asking – am I trans or not?"  In my opinion and my opinion only, I would say, Yes.  However, only you and only you can make that determination.  Not your mum nor your family, only you.  The only way that you are going to be able to sort this issue out is to seek 'therapy' with a psychiatrist, psychologist or counsellor that specializes in Gender Identity issues and you need to do this soon for your sake.

If your mother or family did find out about you then there is nothing you can do about it.  You can "help them understand," as Lori said.  However, they still may try to control you, by whatever means.  However, they are adults just like yourself and your happiness is paramount to theirs.

If they are hurt by what you do, then that is their problem, they are adults and will deal with it in their own way.  You do not want to be 65 (whatever age) years old and regret that you did not do anything about your feelings and your immediate family have passed on.

I was 30 years old and my feelings of longing and wanting to be a female were growing stronger and stronger to eventually,  I left all my friends and family behind,  I did not tell them what I was going to do.  In other words I sacrificed everything, the good life I had, to change it around and have a much better life than I ever did before.   Luckily for me, my family accepted me unconditionally.

Let me iterate and emphasize, you need to live your own life, you are an adult and you do not need to be dictated by others on how you live your life.  You need to ensure that your happiness is paramount, that is not to say that you consider the effects that you may have on others.  I certainly considered the effects, that what I was going to do, did not affect my family and friends.  I did this by moving 4,000km away essentially disappearing.

However, you have the final say in what you do and I hope you find the happiness that I did.  Take care and all the best for the future.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter
@anonymous24

I don't know if transition per se was on my mind, meaning the mechanics of all of this... but the longing to live authentically, and the repercussions of trying to do so... trying to figure out if there was ANY possible way to do so without hurting others, etc.. that was always percolating in the background, and when dysphoria struck, it was the thought that drowned out all other thoughts for minutes, hours or sometimes days at a time.

I think it was only after my first therapy session — when I first started offloading all of "this" from my brain into the real word by discussion it with someone else, did I start to give thought to how this would all play out.

Love,
Allie

I do not know how much time I think about my transitioning.  I cannot say with any accuracy what percentage of my time I think about it.  I think about it more when I face barriers to transitioning I suppose. 

I go to work now as my true female self, so I do not think about being accepted by others for who I am when working.  At least, not anymore.

I just wish I was born female and lived my entire life as a female.  Transitioning is not really fun at all.  It is like trying to get to where you should have been all along. 

I think transitioning ideally should be like being on a one way street, always making forward progress but sometimes stalling at a traffic signal.  But I have reached and been on traffic circles or roundabouts.  It can at times be like reversing direction or going in circles.  Actually, you have forward progress and sometimes backtrack.  At least, that has been the case for me.

Best wishes,

Chrissy


#Devlyn #Lori #Sarah B

And then you wait at the intersection and the traffic cop waves everyone through except you.

Not really, but sometimes that's what it feels like. I think I ran out of gas waiting for my turn.  ;D

Quote from: Lori Dee on August 02, 2024, 10:00:43 PMAnd then you wait at the intersection and the traffic cop waves everyone through except you.

Not really, but sometimes that's what it feels like. I think I ran out of gas waiting for my turn.  ;D

Well try not to run out of gas. 

Forward march, 1,2,3,4.


Chrissy

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on August 03, 2024, 03:46:30 PMWell try not to run out of gas. 

Forward march, 1,2,3,4.


Chrissy

This made me laugh. Thanks, Chrissy.  :laugh:

Quote from: anonymous24 on July 28, 2024, 03:21:28 PMMy mother is one of the most emotional persons i ever knew. she takes everything to her heart. and when it comes to me, thats much stronger. if she know something bad happen to me, than she would react very hard. she always like to protect me and take care of me, even though im 35 years old. again, she is super-emotional and i think she will cry for days and will take that very hard if i will tell her about my trans feeling. i also did made her hard times in the last years, which caused her alot of sorrow, so thats even make it harder for me.

Otherwise than her, i dont afraid telling no one, including my father and my siblings. the hardest part is my mom. i just cant even tell her a word about this.

Sweetie.. if your mum cares about you and your wellbeing as much as she seems to... then wouldn't you feeling bad through living your life as someone you don't want to be... wouldn't that be something she wouldn't want for you? If she wants, more than anything, for you to feel happy, at peace with yourself, and not feeling bad about yourself... wouldn't you explaining things to her be the best thing? Wouldn't it make you both happy to lay it out there and you get on with what you need to do to affect the changes which will allow you to be at peace with yourself?

Being trans isn't something that happens to you. It's not some condition you have to either cure or manage. It's just who you are... and transition is nothing more than a process available to you, to enable you to live your life in a way that allows you to tackle the world in an authentic way. I'm not going to say it's some kind of cure for anything because it isn't. In some ways it can be hard. But then life can be hard in general.

Being trans isn't something bad that's happened to you. It's something that you've discovered about yourself that means you want to change your life to live in the best way you can. That's all it is. And if your mum cares about you as much as she seems to do... then I kind of think being honest with her is something you should seriously consider.

*hugs*

Quote from: Sephirah on August 03, 2024, 06:12:41 PMSweetie.. if your mum cares about you and your wellbeing as much as she seems to... then wouldn't you feeling bad through living your life as someone you don't want to be... wouldn't that be something she wouldn't want for you? If she wants, more than anything, for you to feel happy, at peace with yourself, and not feeling bad about yourself... wouldn't you explaining things to her be the best thing? Wouldn't it make you both happy to lay it out there and you get on with what you need to do to affect the changes which will allow you to be at peace with yourself?

Being trans isn't something that happens to you. It's not some condition you have to either cure or manage. It's just who you are... and transition is nothing more than a process available to you, to enable you to live your life in a way that allows you to tackle the world in an authentic way. I'm not going to say it's some kind of cure for anything because it isn't. In some ways it can be hard. But then life can be hard in general.

Being trans isn't something bad that's happened to you. It's something that you've discovered about yourself that means you want to change your life to live in the best way you can. That's all it is. And if your mum cares about you as much as she seems to do... then I kind of think being honest with her is something you should seriously consider.

*hugs*

Hi sephira,

I truly appreciate the fact that you advice me the way you do. its not something obvious for me.

In my case, i truly doesent know how my mother will react if i will tell her. the only thing i know that she is very emotional and i believe she will be worried about me and will "take it to her heart".

I always tell myself that maybe those feelings would leave away, or blaming myself to feel that way. i also think that i could live with that and keep being a man - i mean, i doing it for 35 years and i doesent suffer that much. maybe i repress my inner feelings, thats possible. it is still doesent bother me 24/7 but only small part of the time.

As i mention, i thank you a lot for spending time giving me advices. i appreciate it alot.

Hi Anonymous

I sense that you still don't know what way to go and that is understandable.  I agree with all what Sephirah said.  If you are sad and miserable, then your mum is going to be emotional, because she wants you to be happy.  If you tell her about your true feelings, then she is going to be emotional either way.

In other words you are damned if you do and damned if you don't tell.  I have said it before, "you need to live your own life" and my question to you is, "What do you really want?"  Live your life as a female?   Live your life as you do now?  Or something else?  Otherwise you life will continue to be in limbo.  You need to try and answer this question one way or another.  Your life is paramount first and foremost.

If you are unable to answer that question by yourself, then you need to seek out help, that will help you to answer that question and hence provide the peace and path forward that you need.

Once you have this answer, then you will be able to move forward with your life.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter
@Sephirah
@anonymous24

I agree with what Sarah and Sephirah have said. You need to figure out what YOU want and how to make that happen.

"If you keep doing what you are doing, you'll keep getting what you are getting."

If you have read some of our member's stories, you may have noticed that dysphoria gets worse the longer we let it go untreated. Eventually, it gets to a point where something must be done. Don't wait. You deserve to be happy now and shouldn't have to wait until you are 60.

Quote from: Lori Dee on August 11, 2024, 09:32:55 AMI agree with what Sarah and Sephirah have said. You need to figure out what YOU want and how to make that happen.

"If you keep doing what you are doing, you'll keep getting what you are getting."

If you have read some of our member's stories, you may have noticed that dysphoria gets worse the longer we let it go untreated. Eventually, it gets to a point where something must be done. Don't wait. You deserve to be happy now and shouldn't have to wait until you are 60.

I admire people like you who had the "guts" to go on with what they want to do in their life. i am currently in a position i doesent think i can do this. i always tell my self i can live with it. and im trying to think what will cause less damage - if i keep living like that, or if try to do something toward transition. and than i choose the first option. if i lived like this for 35 years, than i probably can do this another 35 years. thats what i thinking.

Just look at the costs of this. my family can be suffer alot. my mom can become so worried about me. and for what? for being selfish and thinking only about myself? why its their fault that i have those feelings?

Also, my dysphoria isnt that strong. in some days i doesent even thinking about that.

Sometimes you have to choose between 2 bad options. for me, the less worse option is to keep living that way. repress my feelings and doesent doing anything. i still telling myself i can keep doing this, as i did this for 35 years.

I understand your dilemma. Coming out is not easy for any of us. It means discussing things that are extremely personal to us. What I would suggest is to seek out a therapist with experience in gender identity. Having someone that you can talk to about these feelings can help you so much. Even if you take no further action, it is helpful to have someone there for you. Then, if things get tough and you are struggling they can help you through it.

What you need to understand is that it will not stay the same as it has for the last 35 years. When you keep things repressed and bottled up, they get worse. As we age, our hormone levels drop and that can affect how you are feeling.

You should read some of our member blogs and learn from their stories. So often we read how people kept things to themselves for many years, but eventually, the distress became unbearable. That may not happen to you. But if it does, a therapist who has had a chance to get to know you can be there ready to help. Please consider this option if you can.

You may well be able to keep the water at a low boil for a long time. Knowing and accepting your feelings may help you control your dysphoria. I lived with it for over 50 years, but I didn't know it. Something was causing a darkness to build within me, a rage that I could sometimes not control. Once I discovered the source of my anger, it became easier to control, but I still knew I had to transition to survive.

Some people can control this, they can live with it. Just knowing it's there and understanding it may be enough. Please, do not think of yourself as being selfish if you decided to move forward. I think there's wisdom in this lyric from 'King of Anything' by Susan Bareilles:


Love always -- Jessica Rose

Quote from: anonymous24 on August 12, 2024, 05:13:45 PMI admire people like you who had the "guts" to go on with what they want to do in their life. i am currently in a position i doesent think i can do this. i always tell my self i can live with it. and im trying to think what will cause less damage - if i keep living like that, or if try to do something toward transition. and than i choose the first option. if i lived like this for 35 years, than i probably can do this another 35 years. thats what i thinking.

Just look at the costs of this. my family can be suffer alot. my mom can become so worried about me. and for what? for being selfish and thinking only about myself? why its their fault that i have those feelings?

Also, my dysphoria isnt that strong. in some days i doesent even thinking about that.

Sometimes you have to choose between 2 bad options. for me, the less worse option is to keep living that way. repress my feelings and doesent doing anything. i still telling myself i can keep doing this, as i did this for 35 years.

Honey it isn't about guts. It isn't about doing something you don't think you can do because you are afraid of the outcome. Okay?

Look at the costs, as you say... look at the cost to yourself. Look at how it's backing you into a corner where you are living your life for other people but never truly happy living as yourself. How long do you think that's going to last, sweetie?

Being selfish isn't always wrong. We deserve our attention as much as anyone else in this world does. And, honestly that's where a lot of the issues with people come from. Why they go to therapists in the first place. To work out why they are so mismatched with how they want to be. It mostly comes from a lack of self-esteem. Of self-belief. Of the fundamental understanding that we are all important. How we feel and what we want is important. We aren't just put on this planet to please other people, honey. Their quality of life matters literally no more than our own quality of life.

Loving yourself isn't wrong. And not doing so is often a sign of low self-esteem. Which is something you need to look at, sweetie. Because you deserve better. And are capable of better. Don't hide behind your mum as an excuse to live the best life you can live, okay? *hugs*

I used to believe that to. Despite knowing I'm intersex, I tried to tell myself that I was okay with just living as male. As far as going through the motions of existing, I probably was. I shared with a good friend of mine and she was like no, you need to see a therapist. I knew she was right, but I did nothing at that point. It wasn't tell she passed away from a medication that resulted in her falling from several stories up that I took stock into what she said. After that, I didn't waste much time before seeing a doctor and getting things moving to where I finally am now.


It often comes down to being honest with ourselves and where that takes us. Maybe that leads you transitioning and maybe it doesn't At the end of the day the only person it should matter to is you. Amount of gender dysphoria one has differs from person to person. Many don't have it 24/7, but others do. Another thing I can tell you from personal experience is it doesn't go away. My spouse, who transitioned after we got married, set the idea of transitioning aside for a time before going full throttle into transitioning. Anyways, I hope that helps. Hugs
Mariah

Quote from: anonymous24 on August 10, 2024, 05:08:49 PMHi sephira,

I truly appreciate the fact that you advice me the way you do. its not something obvious for me.

In my case, i truly doesent know how my mother will react if i will tell her. the only thing i know that she is very emotional and i believe she will be worried about me and will "take it to her heart".

I always tell myself that maybe those feelings would leave away, or blaming myself to feel that way. i also think that i could live with that and keep being a man - i mean, i doing it for 35 years and i doesent suffer that much. maybe i repress my inner feelings, thats possible. it is still doesent bother me 24/7 but only small part of the time.

As i mention, i thank you a lot for spending time giving me advices. i appreciate it alot.

Sometimes you need to move away from a toxic environment.

I had a co-worker who told me that all the males in family were considered 2nd class citizens by the Matriarch of the family!  Not only that, the deliberately excluded him from parties held after he moved out of the household!

A very good manager who was openly gay moved to Connectict from Texas, as they were less accepting back then.  Times have changed so she may move back there when she retires, or stay with her friends in Connecticut.

In the USA it is relatively easy to move across the country to a new home.

Serious as this topic is, I still got a giggle.  Around our house we taught the kids young, "If you always do what you always did.  Then, you'll always get get what you always got."

And when they had a tantrum?  "Louder, sweetie.  Your heart isn't in it."  Worked to bring them up short without conflict.

Quote from: Lori Dee on August 11, 2024, 09:32:55 AMI agree with what Sarah and Sephirah have said. You need to figure out what YOU want and how to make that happen.

"If you keep doing what you are doing, you'll keep getting what you are getting."

If you have read some of our member's stories, you may have noticed that dysphoria gets worse the longer we let it go untreated. Eventually, it gets to a point where something must be done. Don't wait. You deserve to be happy now and shouldn't have to wait until you are 60.

Quote from: D'Amalie on August 14, 2024, 10:44:04 AMSerious as this topic is, I still got a giggle.  Around our house we taught the kids young, "If you always do what you always did.  Then, you'll always get get what you always got."

And when they had a tantrum?  "Louder, sweetie.  Your heart isn't in it."  Worked to bring them up short without conflict.

I love this!  :laugh:

All I know is that when I try not to embrace it, Im less passionate about life. I'm just existing, have more stress and anxiety and depression. Can't focus at work, and I'm just on autopilot through life.

When I allow myself to embrace it, all that goes away for the most part. Granted everyone has bad days. But in away colors are more colorful. I get excited about life and the possibilities for my future. I'm able to focus at work and I find Im not just going through the motions in things that I enjoy.

There are days where the thoughts consum me the entire day and other days where they aren't all prevailing, just there in the background.

Hi Robby

Thank you Robby for posting your view

Quote from: Robbyv213 on August 14, 2024, 06:57:14 PMAll I know is that when I try not to embrace it, Im less passionate about life. I'm just existing, have more stress and anxiety and depression. Can't focus at work, and I'm just on autopilot through life.

When I allow myself to embrace it, all that goes away for the most part. Granted everyone has bad days. But in away colors are more colorful. I get excited about life and the possibilities for my future. I'm able to focus at work and I find Im not just going through the motions in things that I enjoy.

There are days where the thoughts consum me the entire day and other days where they aren't all prevailing, just there in the background.

Take care and all the best.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter
@Robbyv213 

I would like to say again HUGE THANKS for all the people that commented! it really warming my heart. i didnt see such a nice people in the last time. this forum is really miracle for people who have those feelings.

I told myself already 10 times in the past that "Ok, now i will go to a therapist" but did absolutely nothing. i was afraid. i couldnt do the first step as i thinked maybe someone will found out. my mom is the most important person for me in this planet. she is caring about me so much. i know she wants only the good for me, but im still afraid that she will take that hard. maybe i need to do the first step by going to a therapist and than consider what to do.

But im afraid that i probably lying to myself and i wont do anything. the hardest step is the first one. by passing it, the rest is 10 times easier.

I trully admire all of you who did this. you probably braver than i am when it comes to this issue.

As i said - the hardest step for me is the first one. i probably need to think about the option going to therapist.

Quote from: anonymous24 on August 16, 2024, 03:43:03 PMI would like to say again HUGE THANKS for all the people that commented! it really warming my heart. i didnt see such a nice people in the last time. this forum is really miracle for people who have those feelings.

I told myself already 10 times in the past that "Ok, now i will go to a therapist" but did absolutly nothing. i was afraid. i couldnt do the first step as i thinked maybe someone will found out. my mom is the most important person for me in this planet. she is caring about me so much. i know she wants only the good for me, but im still afraid that she will take that hard. maybe i need to do the first step by going to a therapist and than consider what to do.

But im afraid that i probably lying to myself and i wont do anything. the hardest step is the first one. by passing it, the rest is 10 times easier.

I trully appreciate all of you who did this. you probably braver than i am when it comes to this issue.

As i said - the hardest step for me is the first one. i probably need to think about the option going to therapist.

Sweetie, the hardest step for everyone is the first one. It's the one we never want to take. It's the one we always make the most excuses for. Listen, you're not alone in what you've said okay? We all know where you're coming from. That's why we try to support you. Because we care <3 We see part of us in you.

In that vein... honey, you can do this. I know you can. I know it's scary. And it feels like standing on the top of a cliff from which, if you walk off the edge you're scared you can never get back up. But... the things most worth aiming for sometimes require a leap of faith.

You can do this. If someone finds out... okay, so they find out. The first thing you have to do is be okay in yourself that this is what you have to do. You have nothing to be ashamed of. If anyone says anything, you just say you're seeing someone for help with some stuff you're going through in your life. That's all you need to say. Therapy is something millions of people partake in. It's not some ugly, shameful thing you have to admit to. It's something you do when you are strong enough to know you can't deal with something alone.

You can take this step, honey. Think of it as the first step, and take it from there. Don't think beyond that. Just take your life one step at a time.

You can do this. You can! I believe in you. <3

A therapist can also help you with talking to your mom. After going to the therapist for a little while, you can tell your mom why you are seeing a therapist. Maybe she will be happy that you are getting the help you need. Maybe she will support you and want to help you too. That is for her to decide, not you. You focus on you. First steps. You can do it!

Hugs!

Quote from: Sephirah on August 16, 2024, 03:49:58 PMSweetie, the hardest step for everyone is the first one. It's the one we never want to take. It's the one we always make the most excuses for. Listen, you're not alone in what you've said okay? We all know where you're coming from. That's why we try to support you. Because we care <3 We see part of us in you.

In that vein... honey, you can do this. I know you can. I know it's scary. And it feels like standing on the top of a cliff from which, if you walk off the edge you're scared you can never get back up. But... the things most worth aiming for sometimes require a leap of faith.

You can do this. If someone finds out... okay, so they find out. The first thing you have to do is be okay in yourself that this is what you have to do. You have nothing to be ashamed of. If anyone says anything, you just say you're seeing someone for help with some stuff you're going through in your life. That's all you need to say. Therapy is something millions of people partake in. It's not some ugly, shameful thing you have to admit to. It's something you do when you are strong enough to know you can't deal with something alone.

You can take this step, honey. Think of it as the first step, and take it from there. Don't think beyond that. Just take your life one step at a time.

You can do this. You can! I believe in you. <3

I truly appreciate your kindness and help. again - this is not obvious for me. in this world it is very hard to find people who care about other people that they doesent even know personally. so i really thank you for all your support.

As i mention, i need some time to think about it. your support gave me alot of new point of view about this. to see people like you who have done all this, i must say that you really brave person. in my case, im not sure i have the "guts" to do all this. in the next days, ill consider going to a therapist. doing that step isnt easy for me, as it affirming i have those feeling. until last year i told myself it is only in my head and this is not real. it will fade away some day. but it didnt. it is still here while im 35 years old.

This forum is absolutly one of the most helpful place i saw in the last years. for me, it is like a float in the middle of the ocean.

If i do some step, you will probably the first ones to know about. you are really awesome people.

Quote from: anonymous24 on August 17, 2024, 06:38:13 PMI truly appreciate your kindness and help. again - this is not obvious for me. in this world it is very hard to find people who care about other people that they doesent even know personally. so i really thank you for all your support.

As i mention, i need some time to think about it. your support gave me alot of new point of view about this. to see people like you who have done all this, i must say that you really brave person. in my case, im not sure i have the "guts" to do all this. in the next days, ill consider going to a therapist. doing that step isnt easy for me, as it affirming i have those feeling. until last year i told myself it is only in my head and this is not real. it will fade away some day. but it didnt. it is still here while im 35 years old.

This forum is absolutly one of the most helpful place i saw in the last years. for me, it is like a float in the middle of the ocean.

If i do some step, you will probably the first ones to know about. you are really awesome people.

Take all the time you need, sweetie.

The only thing I would say is that... you are just as brave as anyone else. You took the step to post here looking for help. You took that step. A lot of people don't. They look from the shadows and never take it any further. That's bravery. Reaching out for help when you feel scared to even say anything.

You have it within you. Being brave isn't a case of not being scared. It's being terrified but not letting it stop you. You've already proved that you can do that. *hugs* You have more "guts" than you think you do. You've already shown that. ;)

Keep us updated, okay?

*massive hugs*

Wishing all the best for you, honey. <3 Very few things in life worth doing are easy. If they are, they aren't worth doing.

You can do this!

Quote from: Sephirah on August 17, 2024, 06:42:36 PMTake all the time you need, sweetie.

The only thing I would say is that... you are just as brave as anyone else. You took the step to post here looking for help. You took that step. A lot of people don't. They look from the shadows and never take it any further. That's bravery. Reaching out for help when you feel scared to even say anything.

You have it within you. Being brave isn't a case of not being scared. It's being terrified but not letting it stop you. You've already proved that you can do that. *hugs* You have more "guts" than you think you do. You've already shown that. ;)

Keep us updated, okay?

*massive hugs*

Wishing all the best for you, honey. <3 Very few things in life worth doing are easy. If they are, they aren't worth doing.

You can do this!

Thank you. it may sound weird, but sometimes people like you giving me hope in humanity again.

Transitioning, I knew it was best for me to transition after being diagnosed. My therapist was a big help with my family with the transition,told them I would be much happier in my life.

Transitioning is a very personal road and each one is somehow different than those of others.

Make your own timetable and goals.  Make the ones that are right for you, not some that others may have set for themselves.


Chrissy