I am starting here as an introduction. I am 66 years old and a transgender Woman. I finnaly gave myself permission to allow this to become a reality about 2 months ago. 🙃 I don't know exactly how it happened, it was like one day a light went on in my brain. I have always had doubts about my actions for most of my life.I joined the Navy right out of high school. I married 1 year later, high school sweetheart, I thought I was in love, maybe I was, maybe it was that I had to have girlfriend as it was what we were supposed to do. I never really showed true emotions. My upbringing we were taught not to show any emotions. Men don't cry sought of thing. Anyway I spenty 75 percent of my 20 years of marriage at sea on several ships. This didn't do well for the marriage. During this time we grew apart. Often at times I would find myself during the course of our marriage envying my wife. This was weird for me, as I was envious of her clothes and makeup. I would wear her underwear when she was at her parents on weekends. I would at times use her makeup too. I couldn't explain to myself why. I just know I liked this. When she was home at times I would watch her dress and wish it was me. I found this exciting, but also thought this was not normal. This went on for some time. One weekend I got the nerve to buy a matching set of night gowns when she was out of town. I hung them in our closets and when she came home I told her. I said these were both of and asked if we could wear them tonight and just snuggle together. This did not go over to good. I wore mine as she said no worries but she wasn't. But things changed after that. Needless to say a couple years later we were divorced.
Now the stranges thing happened that I never could have imagined. We got divorced and we had 2 children 1 boy 1 girl. My daughter well let's say we don't talk. My son He fell into the same trap I did, He joined the marines. So now I'm single and move on and for the several years I'm drifting through life not knowing but suppressing all my thoughts of dressing and trying to move on. I get into a bisexual relationship with a couple that last a year. Thus brings back those feelings but the couple will not allow cross dressing, so I end the relationship. About 9 months later I meet another girl who does like me who is ok with cross dressing and this last about 1 month. It's just nit right, cross dressing isn't quite what I want. Fast forwar. I get married again for 5 more years to try to put my life back in some kind of order. Againd suppres everything in my head. Not working, divorce again. I know something is not right with me. Something is missing. All my life I have always felt I have had to prove I am a man I have alway been on the outside so to speak. I know that sounds wierd. Well heres the the shocker to me, my son calls me and wants to talk. He stops by, he now has 2 daughters and he is discharged from the marines. He tells me he is a transgender woman.YES, I am not shocked at all. I was stunned that I was not shocked. Was it because I think he knew about me, I don't know. My only reply to him wad ,I support you in everything and decision you do, and that I live you.
This was in 2018. We have not spoken since. This is my regret. Since then I have suppressed so much about myself and something happened this February that awoke in me and I started rwading about gender dysphoria and I started looking back at my life. I started seeing things and realizing why I did some of the things I did. I blame myself for my transgender daughter at times also.
I have no male clothes except 1 set of underwear, 1 shirt, 2 sweat shirts in case of emergency in the near future. I know this long and some of it is probably mundane, but one I got typing I didn't know when to stop.
As I wrote this a few days ago, I was not planning on writing a blog to record this part of my life. But now that I think of it, I think this is a good way to memorize my journey. I have never blogged before so I will see how it goes.
After 6 weeks of being on HRT I am feeling really good about myself. I always wonder if these patches were working or am I just going nowhere fast. Well these past days I have noticed noticeable pain, not severe but noticeable in my nipples. Now I know that the HRT is working. I thought maybe the low dosage was too low and doubted its ability to do anything. I know my well being has improved but I can contribute that to the fact that I am acknowledging who I really am and am taking action on this. But to see and feel physical actions really affirms that I'm on my way to who I am. And this is where I belong. I've come so far, and many years. I know I have many more miles to go in my journy, but this is my first sign that I can say I "press onward, theres no time to look back. I am so happy to feel this pain.
Now to keep with the weight loss plan. I started on 10 February 2025 at 198 and today 14 April 2025 I am at 177.7. I have set a goal of 152. I am not sure how this works with HRT. But Im sure I will find out. 😊
Quote from: Annaliese on April 14, 2025, 12:20:55 PMI am so happy to feel this pain.
I envy your pain, Annaliese! Please keep sharing it with me. As an older, mostly woman (my he/her pronouns are for a reason) I've often wondered how I would respond to HRT and am seriously considering finding out for certain sometime this summer. You will know I decided to follow in your path the moment my pronouns change. I didn't realize I was mostly female until a few years ago. And, since that realization, every year that passes makes me feel more like a woman. I asked Ashley how I would feel if I started on HRT. She replied, at least for her, it was the difference between watching your life on a black and white TV and living it inside all the colors of the rainbow (I've paraphrased a bit, but not much). I'm looking forward to sharing your journey.
Quote from: Mrs. Oliphant on April 14, 2025, 12:53:46 PMI envy your pain, Annaliese! Please keep sharing it. I'm looking forward to sharing your journey.
Thank you, It is a long awaited one, as you are aware. Yours is also a journey that is one I have been following. Each of us are unique in our paths but similar in our lives in some way or another. Each day brings a new dawn. I aim to always move onward. I at this moment in my personal life am on my own. My family or friends do not know and this is my preference. I am making my preparations to relocate later this year to Colorado. I do have a lot of feelings of uncertainty and fear in my future, but I find alot of confort in this place and the people here. I embrace who I am and am going to press onward and look forward to whom I am as for me there is no time to look back.
Yesterday was a great day for me as I was able to finally start one of the things I have been wanting to do for so many years. I never liked this body hair I was given. I have over the years grown used to it as I had no choice in the matter. I can on on few occasions in the past recall shaving my chest and legs as I would dress up and wear some women's clothes on those times when I had the opportunity. It always felt so good. But then to only have to make some wild excuse to my wife when she returned home why my chest and lower legs hairs were gone. Holy smokes. I only did legs 1 or 2 times. How many times could I use the excuse of spilling acetone while painting. I don't think she believed me but hey who cared.
Anyway so yesterday I finally had Motus AY laser laser hair removal on my arms, face, neck, chest, and under arms. I am scheduled for my full legs on 2 May. It was such a wonderful time. It was definitely like a spa day. I can say that It was something that I thought would be embarrassing. ButI was very comfortable and relaxed. The technician was very nice. She made me feel at ease and very comfortable. It was worth the almost 2 hour ride. I will say I am excited and feeling very optimistic. These sessions come with 6 follow sessions. A long haul of SPA time. 😉
Until my next post 🤗
Just poking my nose into your blog to give you a giant hug, honey. You seem like my kind of gal going by your posts around the rest of the forums.
*giant hugs*
Quote from: Sephirah on April 17, 2025, 06:36:53 PMJust poking my nose into your blog to give you a giant hug, honey. You seem like my kind of gal going by your posts around the rest of the forums.
*giant hugs*
thanks. I am just starting my journey. I am so glad to have found Susan's Place. I feel like I have found a space where I can finally feel free to be myself and express myself as I move through this trying and unknown time. I am excited and anxious as this unknown future in front of me makes itself known to me as each day passes. Not sure of which way it will turn.But I am determined to press forward. I so much appreciate all the support here and recognize that this is a long road to travel and cannot be done alone.
Quote from: Annaliese on April 17, 2025, 06:53:07 PMthanks. I am just starting my journey. I am so glad to have found Susan's Place. I feel like I have found a space where I can finally feel free to be myself and express myself as I move through this trying and unknown time. I am excited and anxious as this unknown future in front of me makes itself known to me as each day passes. Not sure of which way it will turn.But I am determined to press forward. I so much appreciate all the support here and recognize that this is a long road to travel and cannot be done alone.
As far as any of us here are concerned, honey, you're Annaliese. The girl who likes steak and kidney pies ;D Who you are... you get to decide.
Whatever the future holds, you don't have to go through it alone, okay?
Every step you take is one step closer.
I've kind of felt like that for close on two decades. The people here... y'all are something special. You accept without judgement. You embrace without question. You support without malice.
We all need that these days. :)
Quote from: Annaliese on April 14, 2025, 12:20:55 PMI Now to keep with the weight loss plan. I started on 10 February 2025 at 198 and today 14 April 2025 I am at 177.7. I have set a goal of 152. I am not sure how this works with HRT. But Im sure I will find out. 😊
It's been a week since I added to my blog. Not much happened. Just enjoying my daily life. Keeping to my routine of trying to become the new me. I do look forward to Monday mornings though. I get to step on the scale. I get to see the results of a week of eating less and good diet, and the daily exercise. Its a little reward but one that I work hard for. So today I weighed in at an even 175 pounds. Yabba dabba doo. I was happy. Getting there. Saturday I added bicycle riding back to my daily routine. I only 2 miles a day right now. But in time I will try to add more.
Other than that I have been just enjoying everyone here at Susan's Place and ploddibg along. I hope everyone has a great day. 🤗 👐 Until next. Annaliese.
@AnnalieseDear Annaliese:I am so glad to see that last week you had started your very own Blog Thread
here on the Forum.
This will be your Journal where you can share your thoughts and comments regarding
your life journey with other like-minded members.
In addition to my own Forum Blog Thread I keep a more private "old school" pen and paper
journal/diary at my home that includes snap shots, hand drawn doodling, and notes and
cards from my dear friends.
On cold, snowy nights, of which there are many here in Alaska where I live, I can be
found in my favorite chair in front of my fireplace reading over past entries, sometimes
with tears in my eyes, and sometimes with laughter.
When you share good news and successes your followers and readers (me included) will rejoice
with you... and when you report "not-so-good" news we will give your our ears to listen and
our shoulders for you to lean on.
Your BLOG Thread here becomes your HOME here on the FORUM where members here can easily find you
and exchange comments and thoughts with you.
I will continue to follow your updates, postings and reply comments not only here on your
Blog Thread but also all around the various Topics and Threads available on the Forum.
My best wishes to you for your success and happiness as you continue on in your journey.
Warmly,
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
The Forum Administrator Direct Email address:
alaskandanielle@yahoo.com
Quote from: Northern Star Girl on April 21, 2025, 02:22:15 PM@Annaliese
Dear Annaliese:
I am so glad to see that last week you had started your very own Blog Thread
here on the Forum.
This will be your Journal where you can share your thoughts and comments regarding
your life journey with other like-minded members.
Thank you Danielle 😊. I have never blogged before, but I am finding that I want to document my journey here. I know I do not have an exciting life as many do. I live a pretty boring life here in my home in Virginia. But I am learning how to blog as I listen to the many members here at Susan's Place. As I go through the many changes in my new life, I feel it is indeed important to document the positive and the negative experiences that are to come. I truly appreciate all the support here. Hugs. Annaliese.
Quote from: Annaliese on April 22, 2025, 08:56:15 AMI have never blogged before, but I am finding that I want to document my journey here.
Writing, especially about feelings, can be very helpful, especially for those of us who aren't used to expressing (or even identifying) our feelings in the first place. It's really common for anyone brought up to be masculine to have a kind of mental gate that comes down and stops us acknowledging our feelings and the power of writing is it can teach us it's safe to get past the gate.
The best thing about blogs is that others can encourage us by legitimising what we feel and encourage us to accept our emotional landscape is okay. Get that done and it's a short step to doing the same with our gender identity. Go for it girl.
Enjoy your journey!
Chrissy
You are bravely going where you've not been before! I'm certainly enjoying the stories and life experiences around me though.
I feel too self conscious to do a personal daily blog. So, living vicariously and poking in occasionally is my limit. I'm a poor typist anyhow:)
Another week on on my jorney,
I am now out 3 months since I began this journey. I have to say so far it has been a very enlightening time. This past week I spent alot of time in thought of how my future is going to look like. I can't seem to see through the mist still. I keep seeing myself stuck in some kind of roadblock. I know where I want to be but each time I see a path forward, I find myself not ready. Too many things to do. I want to be free of this place and start anew someplace else. My timeline is too far out. 😔
Well I have a busy week coming up. I have a support group meeting finnaly this Thursday. I think this will be good for me. Also on Thursday I get my Labwork done to check estrogen and testerone levels. Hopefully the levels are good compared to what I started out. And Friday my Hair removal appointment for my legs. This is going to keep me busy this week.
On my weight side was not too good, only down 1/2 pound. Not sure why. I have been doing the same diet and excercises.
Oh well. I hope everyone is having a good week. That's all for my blog for this week 🤗 Annaliese.
Quote from: Annaliese on April 28, 2025, 03:39:41 PMOn my weight side was not too good, only down 1/2 pound. Not sure why. I have been doing the same diet and excercises.
Don't panic. 1/2 pound is the equivalent of two hamburger patties, or a 1/2 pint of water.
You didn't
gain anything, so all is good. At about six months on HRT, the fat re-distribution starts to show. Not in weight gain or loss, but in smoothing of the skin, less muscle definition, and softening of the facial features. Buckle up and enjoy the ride!
Quote from: Annaliese on April 28, 2025, 03:39:41 PMAnother week on on my jorney,
I am now out 3 months since I began this journey. I have to say so far it has been a very enlightening time. This past week I spent alot of time in thought of how my future is going to look like. I can't seem to see through the mist still. I keep seeing myself stuck in some kind of roadblock. I know where I want to be but each time I see a path forward, I find myself not ready. Too many things to do. I want to be free of this place and start anew someplace else. My timeline is too far out. 😔
Well I have a busy week coming up. I have a support group meeting finnaly this Thursday. I think this will be good for me. Also on Thursday I get my Labwork done to check estrogen and testerone levels. Hopefully the levels are good compared to what I started out. And Friday my Hair removal appointment for my legs. This is going to keep me busy this week.
On my weight side was not too good, only down 1/2 pound. Not sure why. I have been doing the same diet and excercises.
Oh well. I hope everyone is having a good week. That's all for my blog for this week 🤗 Annaliese.
Anna, if there's one thing I've learned in all this... don't look at the mountain. Look at your feet. And take it one step at a time. We can never see the horizon because it changes day-to-day based on how we feel.
To quote Lao Tzu: "The Journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." Wise dudes. Keep taking those single steps and they will add up. Every time you're thinking you take a step backwards, you aren't. Because we are always learning. So we just take a step forwards in a different direction.
You've got this, Anna. I believe in you. <3
@Annaliese cc:
@Sephirah Dear Annaliese:As our dear member Sephirah so aptly and correctly stated:
"...take it one step at a time."
Transitioning is a process, a work in progress as we continue to gain our
own self-confidence and also continue to gain the acceptance of others.
Never give up... keep going with one step at a time.
The good news is: It will become easier as you continue to make progress.
Your readers and followers including myself, will be eagerly looking forward
to your updates and postings here on your Blog Thread and on the various
Topics and Threads on the Forum.
I am wishing you happiness and success as you continue in your journey.HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
Here we are the the 5th of May Cinco De Mayo. For me this is a celebration of mini wins for the past week. I started the week very anxious and in a funk. I was constantly looking too deep into my thoughts. I know I wanted to handle this journey by myself. I really thought I could handle it. The more I kept thinking how I would get through this the more lost I became. I would research, read, listen, and overthink. This was giving me migraines. I realized I could not do this alone.
On Monday, I started a search for therapist in my area that I could reach out to. I had to ensure that I could find one that my insurance would cover. I was surprised that I was striking out everywhere I was looking
This was really bothering me as this area is not a small are. It is a major city in most aspects. I found several that would provide online therapy and were lbgqt friendly but no in-person. Or the few I found only took out of service insurance. I was striking out.
Finally on Thursday I finally found a place, I was relieved. I was set up with an appointment with a male therapist. I honestly did not feel comfortable with this and requested a female therapist. I don't know why but I can't discuss these feelings with another man. I have my first appointment on Wednesday 7 May. I can't wait to be honest.
So I am so relieved that I can now finally talk to someone about this with. That is huge for me. Maybe I will sleep better now.
I also attended my first support group last Wednesday. It was an online zoom group. I really enjoyed it. I felt so at ease and comfortable. I thought I would feel out of place, but I didn't. I look forward to next months meeting. Perhaps after a few zoom meetings I will attend the in-person meetings.
On Wednesday I also had my blood work done for my hrt levels. This part was also a bit good. My levels did progress some in a positive way.
My testerone went from 470 to 290.
My Estradiol went from 27 to 63.1
I meet with my provider on 23 to discuss results. I can't wait.
Had my first Motaf AY laser removal on Friday for my legs. Now all my body hair has finally completed step 1of laser hair removal 😊 go back in 6 and 8 week intervals to maintain and finish.
I also lost 4.1 pounds since my last blog. But I am afraid it was muscle weight. I need to work on that. I am now down to 171.5
And today I got the courage to post my picture on my profile here, thanks to the beautiful Lilis. She was my main reason I posted it. I drew from her strength.
Well like I said I had a very busy week, both emotionally and physically.
Well that is all for my weekly blog.
Congratulations, Annaliese. It's always wonderful to have a stretch of funk give way to good results and reasons to be positive. May they continue for you.
Quote from: Annaliese on May 05, 2025, 12:05:24 PMWell like I said I had a very busy week, both emotionally and physically.
You certainly have, Annaliese! And still looking good. Greatly enjoy sharing your journey with you. I'm sure you and your therapist will hit it off at first sight. I fully understand; I would not be able to share with a male therapist with the same degree of intimacy I share with my female therapist.
Quote from: Annaliese on May 05, 2025, 12:05:24 PMHere we are the the 5th of May Cinco De Mayo. For me this is a celebration of mini wins for the past week. I started the week very anxious and in a funk. I was constantly looking too deep into my thoughts. I know I wanted to handle this journey by myself. I really thought I could handle it. The more I kept thinking how I would get through this the more lost I became. I would research, read, listen, and overthink. This was giving me migraines. I realized I could not do this alone.
On Monday, I started a search for therapist in my area that I could reach out to. I had to ensure that I could find one that my insurance would cover. I was surprised that I was striking out everywhere I was looking
This was really bothering me as this area is not a small are. It is a major city in most aspects. I found several that would provide online therapy and were lbgqt friendly but no in-person. Or the few I found only took out of service insurance. I was striking out.
Finally on Thursday I finally found a place, I was relieved. I was set up with an appointment with a male therapist. I honestly did not feel comfortable with this and requested a female therapist. I don't know why but I can't discuss these feelings with another man. I have my first appointment on Wednesday 7 May. I can't wait to be honest.
So I am so relieved that I can now finally talk to someone about this with. That is huge for me. Maybe I will sleep better now.
I also attended my first support group last Wednesday. It was an online zoom group. I really enjoyed it. I felt so at ease and comfortable. I thought I would feel out of place, but I didn't. I look forward to next months meeting. Perhaps after a few zoom meetings I will attend the in-person meetings.
On Wednesday I also had my blood work done for my hrt levels. This part was also a bit good. My levels did progress some in a positive way.
My testerone went from 470 to 290.
My Estradiol went from 27 to 63.1
I meet with my provider on 23 to discuss results. I can't wait.
Had my first Motaf AY laser removal on Friday for my legs. Now all my body hair has finally completed step 1of laser hair removal 😊 go back in 6 and 8 week intervals to maintain and finish.
I also lost 4.1 pounds since my last blog. But I am afraid it was muscle weight. I need to work on that. I am now down to 171.5
And today I got the courage to post my picture on my profile here, thanks to the beautiful Lilis. She was my main reason I posted it. I drew from her strength.
Well like I said I had a very busy week, both emotionally and physically.
Well that is all for my weekly blog.
Tremendous progress, Annaliese! Congratulations on reaching out to a therapist and booking your first session.
- Lilis 💗
Annaliese!!!
Congrats on the wonderful progress and I Love your beautiful new avatar!... Keep doing what your doing sister!!!
Onward!
A💕
Just got back from a visit with my therapist. This one hour was the best hour of the last two months. 😊 It was such a relief to talk to someone.
Quote from: Annaliese on May 07, 2025, 03:36:51 PMJust got back from a visit with my therapist. This one hour was the best hour of the last two months. 😊 It was such a relief to talk to someone.
Annaliese!
That's Wonderful Sister... Putting all the stuff out there that has burdened us for a lifetime is a powerful and liberating thing indeed! 🤗 Well Done Girl!!!
Onward!
Ashley 💕
You are gorgeous, Anna. Honestly all you girls are. Kinda jealous, honestly. :P And you're taking lots of very big steps.
Not least of which is the realisation that not only are we not built for... but we don't have to do this stuff alone. There is no shame in reaching out. That's a lifetime of dude conditioning. And one of the first things that it's kind of helpful to get past. We are stronger together, always. No matter who you are.
If you're ever in a place with no one immediately around, shoot me a PM okay? If there's stuff you just want to get out. I can't promise I'll reply in a timely fashion because I have to kind of store up energy to come here and... well.. function. But I can promise that I'll get back to you eventually. But sometimes it just helps to have a sounding board. And to just know that you aren't, and don't have to be alone with any of this. <3
Another week and I feel like I am going with the following seas with smoother waves but some difficult waves here and there. Nothing so far that is hindering my journey.
It was a busy week as I previously mentioned it would be. But busy is always good for me. I started a new exercise program. This led me to take a break for 4 days from my routine. I ordered a treadmill. Since Sunday, yesterday I have been walking on it for 30 minutes every morning averaging 3000 steps. I really like this so much better. I will continue this I believe daily.
Only lost 1.3 ponds this week but I think that is good as I did take 3 days off with no exercising. Still maintaining my healthy eating. 😊 I did enjoy the treadmill. I stopped bike riding also, the damn temperatures were in the 80's.
I believe the highlight of my week was meeting my therapist. This was a huge deal. I know we chat sort of on here, but to be able to talk to someone in person and have that 2 way feedback was so very much needed. She was so easy to talk to. I was amazed at how I just kept talking and felt so at ease even though I never discussed these feelings or thoughts to a soul before. I was shocked that I was telling these deepest feelings and thoughts. I can't wait till we meet again. Anyways I'm so glad I joined here or I don't think I would have even gotten this far.
One other thing happened, so I had my labs done and I got a message from my provider after she read the results and asked if I would like to move my appointment from the 23rd May to the 11 May. Of course I jumped at the chance to have an earlier appointment. This week was just getting better. So yesterday we met via zoom and we discussed a lot of things and after we talked for a while we determined it was time to increse my Estradiol and add a anti-androgen. She recommended a choice of spironolactone or finasteride. I wasn't sure so she said she was going to start me on Finasteride to start with and double my Estradiol to 2x .1mg/ twice weekly patches from 1. Not sure about the Finasteride but I'll take the doubling of the E. I will see how the Finasteride goes.
So yes another good week. Mentally it has been ok.I just fee so much better since I have made these healthy choices and found myself.
Until my next blog. Thank you everyone here for your continued support. 🫂 🤗 Annaliese.
Anna, where in the world do you live? I don't mean specifically. I mean... hmm... where I live it's very open countryside. Lots of green and nature and whatnot. The reason I ask is because... I lost 90lbs just walking in that environment. I used to walk like 40 miles a week back when I could, just because it was a nice place to walk. Seeing nature and whatnot. Walking is insanely good for losing weight and building metabolism. So you're doing the right thing with the treadmill but, honey... you can't beat walking in nature. Feeling the wind in your face and hair. Is it at all possible that you live in a place you can do this? If so... I promise you that you will feel much better for it. <3
Quote from: Sephirah on May 12, 2025, 06:03:09 PMAnna, where in the world do you live? I don't mean specifically. I mean... hmm... where I live it's very open countryside. Lots of green and nature and whatnot. The reason I ask is because... I lost 90lbs just walking in that environment. I used to walk like 40 miles a week back when I could, just because it was a nice place to walk. Seeing nature and whatnot. Walking is insanely good for losing weight and building metabolism. So you're doing the right thing with the treadmill but, honey... you can't beat walking in nature. Feeling the wind in your face and hair. Is it at all possible that you live in a place you can do this? If so... I promise you that you will feel much better for it. <3
I live in a neighborhood where I could walk about, but I get sunburn easy. I also have to stay out of the sun due to the hair removal treatment I am going through. I really don't want to were clothes covering arms and legs in this heat. Also I can use my treadmill when I wake up.
Quote from: Annaliese on May 12, 2025, 06:06:49 PMI live in a neighborhood where I could walk about, but I get sunburn easy. I also have to stay out of the sun due to the hair removal treatment I am going through. I really don't want to were clothes covering arms and legs in this heat. Also I can use my treadmill when I wake up.
Girl, you're talking to the OG Susan's Vampire. I can get sunburned when there isn't even any sun. I am not even kidding.
Get some heavy duty sun block and try it a couple of times okay? Just out in nature for a while with the wind in your hair and a smile on your face. You might find you like it.
For reference, this is where I live... roughly:
(https://s0.geograph.org.uk/photos/11/90/119095_fd557486.jpg)
Quote from: Sephirah on May 12, 2025, 06:09:37 PMGirl, you're talking to the OG Susan's Vampire. I can get sunburned when there isn't even any sun. I am not even kidding.
Get some heavy duty sun block and try it a couple of times okay? Just out in nature for a while with the wind in your hair and a smile on your face. You might find you like it.
For reference, this is where I live... roughly:
(https://s0.geograph.org.uk/photos/11/90/119095_fd557486.jpg)
nice, my neighborhood is more city.
Quote from: Annaliese on May 12, 2025, 06:10:38 PMnice, my neighborhood is more city.
I get it, Anna. Do what makes you happy, okay? I am like the polar opposite of a city gal. Cities make me massively claustrophobic... and this is coming from someone who spend a good chunk of time in a metal tube under the oceans, lol. I don't know what it is.
If you can find a space with nature though, Anna, that you can appreciate... try to use that, and appreciate it. It will give you more impetus than walking in place, sweetie. But anything you can do to keep you active is awesome! Go you!! <3
Quote from: Annaliese on May 12, 2025, 05:54:24 PMSo yes another good week. Mentally it has been ok.I just fee so much better since I have made these healthy choices and found myself.
I love hearing this, Annaliese. That the therapist has worked out so well, the medical aspects are progressing well, exercise... I feel better just from reading about your experiences. Thank you for sharing them with us.
Quote from: Pema on May 12, 2025, 06:39:12 PMI love hearing this, Annaliese. That the therapist has worked out so well, the medical aspects are progressing well, exercise... I feel better just from reading about your experiences. Thank you for sharing them with us.
Pema, I am exited for you and like that you have come so far as well. I enjoy also reading your post. I feel that we all give each other some sort of hope in that we are all walking the same path of sorts. We learn through each other as we take these journeys.
I find myself at times overwhelmed by the thought that spin in my head that the fog is so thick it gets so heavy. I will flip through the many pages on this site and find that this often clears alot of my mind as many have had some of the same thoughts and emotions I have. For this I find so much relief and know that this long journey is indeed going to be exhausting but worth every mile.
This has been a really good week. I did have another wonderful visit with my therapist. I again do love visiting with her, maybe this is because all week I have no one but me and my noggin to talk to. I think having someone who is sensitive to my thought is indeed a blessing. Maybe it's just her job, I don't know but it is my highlight of my week. I always feel good when I leave.
I have been enjoying my treadmill. I will say this is definitely helped me alot. I didn't realy enjoy the bike riding that much, but the Treadmill I am really having fun with, I use it for 30 minutes a day. I barely notice the time pass as I can watch t.v
at the same time. I average 2.1 miles the first week. But am aiming for 3.0 now. I am definitely loving this.
I started to learn how to crochet, damn I figured this was going to be easy. Yeah I was so wrong. I spent 3 long frustrating hours yesterday and got no where. I just can't believe how I can't wrap my brain around this. 😩 I have so much respect for my mom who could do this. I WILL get this down, by HOOK 🪝 or crook. I am looking for some self care project that I can use besides t.v.
At last the weather is finally warming up. I usually am out working on my Jeeps and yard, but for some reason, I seem to be loosing interst in these things. I don't participate in my Jeep club that I founded anymore. I seem to be more laid back than ever. I have reevaluate my recreational activities.
I do find myself doing more clothes shopping as I have alot of jeans and t-shirts. I am starting to wear shorts now the weather is getting hotter here in southeast Virginia. I have a hard time finding my style yet, but I am liking pastel colors. I am trying to find my style.
I did venture out to our lbgqt life center this past week for an event. I was so glad I went. I met some amazing people there. It was a workhop to help transgender people survive. It was an all day event. A lot of great info, good food and great company.
Well that's my week in a hopefully not too long nutshell.
I hope everyone has a very happy week 😊 💗 Until my next blog. Hugs 🫂 🤗 Annaliese.
Annalise!!!
Sounds like a fine week indeed! Isn't it an amazing feeling as life begins to open up and blossom in new ways as we start to see all the new possibilities that are now ours to enjoy? 🌸🤗🌸 I smiled when you mentioned the Jeep club... I think we can often discoverer that some, or many, of our previous activities were more about self distraction to some degree and they kind of fade away as new activities begin to fill our new life! Keep doing what you are doing sister... The world is yours! 🌻
Onward!
Ashley💕
Quote from: tgirlamg on May 20, 2025, 09:15:37 AMAnnalise!!!
Sounds like a fine week indeed! Isn't it an amazing feeling as life begins to open up and blossom in new ways as we start to see all the new possibilities that are now ours to enjoy? 🌸🤗🌸 I smiled when you mentioned the Jeep club... I think we can often discoverer that some, or many, of our previous activities were more about self distraction to some degree and they kind of fade away as new activities begin to fill our new life! Keep doing what you are doing sister... The world is yours! 🌻
Onward!
Ashley💕
Thank you Ashley, yes I see that, I was so enthralled with that club, it was my everything. I now know it was the one thing like the Navy that I was holding onto. I am finding new and more interesting things that I am findind interest in. I even found myself changing my ring tones and screen savers to more feminine styles from what they were. It's so refreshing.
Quote from: Annaliese on May 20, 2025, 09:22:30 AMThank you Ashley, yes I see that, I was so enthralled with that club, it was my everything. I now know it was the one thing like the Navy that I was holding onto. I am finding new and more interesting things that I am findind interest in. I even found myself changing my ring tones and screen savers to more feminine styles from what they were. It's so refreshing.
Early in transition I redecorated my place way...way...Wayyyy femme! It was nice to come home from work to that to affirm my new direction in life!... A trans friend came over and said "OMG.. I looks like Hollie Hobby and Strawberry Shortcake came over and threw up all over your place!" 😅
Enjoy every step girl!
Onward!
A💕
The new pastels I have been exploring
Loving the Bambi top! 💕😀👍
Quote from: Annaliese on May 20, 2025, 08:42:46 AMPema, I am exited for you and like that you have come so far as well. I enjoy also reading your post. I feel that we all give each other some sort of hope in that we are all walking the same path of sorts. We learn through each other as we take these journeys.
Annaliese, I'm humbled. Sometimes it's hard for me to imagine how anyone witnessing my often-graceless course could see it as anything more than an example of how not to go about things. When I read others' posts, including yours, I understand that we're all human, and this is not an easy or well-traveled path, and I feel that hope and that camaraderie.
I'm ecstatic that you're continuing to discover ways of being more genuinely yourself and identifying what no longer serves you. Rebuilding your life in small ways will absolutely move you toward a place of greater confidence and authenticity that I think will result in more of that fog clearing.
Thank you so much for sharing your progress here. I'm eager to hear about your next steps.
Pema
Well Memorial day weekend has come and gone. It was a weekend that I was not anticipating to be. My week started out pretty normal and uneventful for me. I kept trying to attempt to get the hang of learning to crochet to no avail. I can say I was getting a bit frustrated with this. I would put this aside and delve into some reading for a while.
This book I was reading only added to my questions about things that I have discussed in other places here. I decided to just put it aside for a while.
As always Tuesday was a great day as is this is my day to meet with my therapist. I do tend to be able to put more pieces together in such short time than with her and this is such a great sense of calm for me. One thing we will be doing this week is she is going to teach me to crochet. When I mentioned that I was struggling with this new hobby, she informed me she knew how and would love to teach me. I was so happy to hear this.
The other thing was I decided to go on my yearly 4 wheeling trip to the mountains, but by myself. This trip turned out to be one heck of a self reflecting trip. I did a lot of self reflecting that I was not expecting. But I did find out some interesting things. I planned a 2 day trip. 1 day 4 wheeling and 1 day at an outdoor shooting range. On the first day, I spent on the trail and wheeled up the mountain trails until I got to the top. There I had lunch at the knob. This place was so peaceful. I used to live for this type of stuff, but I found myself not excited to be on these trails. I mean I love the scenery and all, but it is not the same. I keep thinking why was I so invested into something that I really don't care alot about. Anyways After lunch I headed back down, back to my hotel. I decided I wasn't even going to the range the next day and when I awoke the next day I went straight home. I just wanted to be home. The ride home was much more pleasant than the ride up to the mountains. I had some help from members here to get through some things I was dealing with.I really do appreciate that so much. Thank you
@Pema @TanyaG for helping me through some of those issues. I am so grateful for everyone here. I have learned so much from you and everyone at Susans.
Before I left for the weekend I scheduled myself for voice traing lessons. I thought I would try to do this in person as videos are not working. So it was a up and down week.
I have a busy week ahead. Tomorrow I go to Richmond Va. for my second set of MOTAY laser hair removal. This is for my arms, chest, face, neck, and underarms.
Therapist was moved to Thursday due to her having a family matter.
Satuday voice training. So a busy schedule to keep on my toes.
I never know where I will land, but I know I always find comfort knowing that there are always those here who will lend an ear when needed. 🫂 to you all. Annaliese
Things change as we get older anyway, I miss the old days of drag racing at my local track but its not me now. Same for going to VW shows but I am looking forward to taking the Austin to car shows with my friends.
Still have the urge to build and make stuff but that's part of my DNA.
Quote from: davina61 on May 27, 2025, 08:11:08 AMThings change as we get older anyway, I miss the old days of drag racing at my local track but its not me now. Same for going to VW shows but I am looking forward to taking the Austin to car shows with my friends.
Still have the urge to build and make stuff but that's part of my DNA.
I still enjoy watching NASCAR. 😊
It is great that your therapist has offered to teach you how to crochet!
Good luck with the voice training. I had professional speech therapy to improve the way I modulated my sentences.
Marion
Annaliese, it sounds like this weekend may have been a significant milestone on your path. Discovering what experiences do and don't nurture your soul is extremely valuable. Hearing the critical voices within you and asking them whose interests they represent... that's huge.
I'm glad you feel like we were helpful to you. I feel the same way about everyone here. The main thing I want you to know is that you are the only person who truly knows what's right for you. Believe me, I wish I had as many powerful signs you've had that point the way for you. I feel the joy and the love pouring from your posts when you write about how it feels when you allow yourself to be the real you.
And the your therapist wants to teach you to crochet? Now that's value. I need to look for a therapist who will teach me how to sew fine fabrics.
Keep doing what you're doing. I know it feels slow and painful sometimes, but it's working. And we all benefit from you becoming your best self.
Quote from: Annaliese on May 27, 2025, 07:51:40 AMI keep thinking why was I so invested into something that I really don't care alot about.
Maybe because it isn't the trip itself as much as what it represents? It's something that reminds you of a time in your life that seemed more simple, an escape. And you were looking for a way to get back to that. To take shelter from the waves and wind of life for a while?
But when you got there, you found you've changed as a person more than you perhaps think, and realise you're more able to deal with things than you thought and don't need that escape as much as you once thought you did?
Just some thoughts off the top of my head. *hugs*
Quote from: Sephirah on May 27, 2025, 04:35:47 PMMaybe because it isn't the trip itself as much as what it represents?
The journey is the reward.
Annaliese!
Often we find that many of our previous activities, that we fully believed were a piece of who we are, were simply distraction from the elephant in the room of our life and... a way to fill all the time we were spending maintaining the false persona we had carried for so long... that we couldn't easily distinguish it from our self... 🌻
Embrace this falling away of things that no longer serve your souls journey...As they fall away, space is made for new people, things and experiences that serve far better!... Perhaps your Jeep club will give way to a crochet meetup group! The world is yours sister! 🤗
Onward!
Ashley 💕
Quote from: tgirlamg on May 29, 2025, 11:11:01 AMPerhaps your Jeep club will give way to a crochet meetup group!
Actually Ashley, I have signed up to group on Facebook that meets regularly and teaches new crochet patterns and will also assist beginners. So you were right. It's a beginning that I look forward to. IAt my therapy session today we didn't have time to get into crochet, but will on Tuesday. My crochet FB group doesn't start untill the 8th. So yes I have indeed moved on. 😊
Quote from: Annaliese on May 29, 2025, 01:42:25 PMI have signed up to group on Facebook that meets regularly and teaches new crochet patterns and will also assist beginners.
Hooray! I hope you'll share some of your early successes. There's nothing quite like those. I always found crocheting so meditative.
Are there things you hope to be able to make someday?
Quote from: Pema on May 29, 2025, 01:56:26 PMHooray! I hope you'll share some of your early successes. There's nothing quite like those. I always found crocheting so meditative.
Are there things you hope to be able to make someday?
once I get finally get started, The first thing I want to make is a throw blanket.
But I'm sure that's gonna take a lot of practice.
Quote from: Annaliese on May 29, 2025, 02:14:13 PMonce I get finally get started, The first thing I want to make is a throw blanket.
But I'm sure that's gonna take a lot of practice.
It will, but maybe not as much as you think. One of the great things is that you can just remove the hook and pull the yarn out and start again. I remember doing that a lot when I'd realize I'd made a mistake an hour earlier.
I'm genuinely excited to see what you'll make.
Quote from: Annaliese on May 29, 2025, 02:14:13 PMonce I get finally get started, The first thing I want to make is a throw blanket.
But I'm sure that's gonna take a lot of practice.
And desire, Anna. Don't do what I would do... just buy a blanket and fake it. ;D
You've got this, girl. You are nothing if not determined.
<3
Had an euphoric day today. Met with a professional voice coach. She was very positive. Found she does more than voice coach. She specializes in body languages and other areas of feminization spaces. I was excited. She is one of the top specialist in this and works with a lot of gender affirmation care. I am feeling like so far this was a good choice. I even actually got off butt today and worked outside. 😊
Sounds very positive.
There are also numerous online training resources that can supplement your professional coach.
The feminine voice is very important to me. I have not mastered it. Gesticulations I am just fine with.
Chrissy
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on May 31, 2025, 03:13:58 PMSounds very positive.
There are also numerous online training resources that can supplement your professional coach.
The feminine voice is very important to me. I have not mastered it. Gesticulations I am just fine with.
Chrissy
yes, we are going to work on the gestures. I didn't notice but she pointed out I was doing some already. I will be trying to do everything I can. Thank you Chrissy 😊
Quote from: Annaliese on May 31, 2025, 03:07:59 PMHad an euphoric day today. Met with a professional voice coach. She was very positive. Found she does more than voice coach. She specializes in body languages and other areas of feminization spaces.
Annaliese, congrats, sounds very affirming, and have fun. 💓
~ Lilis 🫂
@Annaliese @Lilis @Maid Marion @davina61 @Pema @Lori Dee
@Sephirah @TanyaG @Mrs. Oliphant @tgirlamg @D'Amalie Yes indeed, there is so much more to being able to reliably pass as the woman that
you are than one's appearance, hair, nails, makeup, clothing, etc...
... as @ChrissyRyan and @Maid Marion mentioned, voice and manner of speaking is a big
obstacle for many, then of course there are other important items such as movements, walking,
sitting, body motions, eating a meal, sitting, standing, walking... and, hand and body gestures.
Cis women spend their entire childhood, teen years and young adult lives learning and
living with how to do those things.... as transitioning MTF people we have to learn things
more quickly.
For transgender men there are equally difficult hurdles that have to be mastered as well.
Unfortunately, just like the effects of HRT are not necessarily as quick as we all like to
have them happen, these other things are not quick to become 2nd nature and automatic...
... practice, practice, and more practice is usually required with a good dose of patience.
HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
Annaliese, you continue to make my days with your positive steps and your excitement. I literally feel excited when I read your posts like today's. From what you've said, this coach sounds to me like someone who cares enough to see who her students for who they are and work with them accordingly. I think you chose very well. And she's blessed to have you as a student.
I found this writing the other night. I forget who wrote it. But It is really good.
That's lovely, Annaliese. Thank you.