Well Memorial day weekend has come and gone.  It was a weekend that I was not anticipating to be. My week started out pretty normal and uneventful for me. I kept trying to attempt to get the hang of learning to crochet to no avail. I can say I was getting a bit frustrated with this. I would put this aside and delve into some reading for a while.
This book I was reading only added to my questions about things that I have discussed in other places here. I decided to just put it aside for a while.

As always Tuesday was a great day as is this is my day to meet with my therapist. I do tend to be able to put more pieces together in such short time than with her and this is such a great sense of calm for me. One thing we will be doing this week is she is going to teach me to crochet.  When I mentioned that I was struggling with this new hobby, she informed me she knew how and would love to teach me. I was so happy  to hear this.

The other thing was I decided to go on my yearly 4 wheeling trip to the mountains, but by myself.  This trip turned out to be one heck of a self reflecting trip. I did a lot of self reflecting that I was not expecting.  But I did find out some interesting things. I planned a 2 day trip. 1 day 4 wheeling  and 1 day at an outdoor shooting range. On the first day, I spent on the trail and wheeled up the mountain trails until I got to the top. There I had lunch at the knob. This place was so peaceful. I used to live for this type of stuff, but I found myself not excited to be on these trails. I mean I love the scenery and all, but it is not the same. I keep thinking why was I so invested into something that I really don't care alot about. Anyways After lunch I headed back down, back to my hotel. I decided I wasn't even going to the range the next day and when I awoke the next day I went straight home. I just wanted to be home. The ride home was much more pleasant than the ride up to the mountains. I had some help from members here to get through some things I was dealing with.I really do appreciate that so much. Thank you @Pema @TanyaG for helping me through some of those issues. I am so grateful for everyone here. I have learned so much from you and everyone at Susans.

Before I left for the weekend I scheduled myself for voice traing lessons. I thought I would try to do this in person as videos are not working. So it was a up and down week.

I have a busy week ahead. Tomorrow  I go to Richmond Va. for my second set of MOTAY laser hair removal. This is for my arms, chest, face, neck, and underarms.
Therapist was moved to Thursday due to her having a family matter.
Satuday voice training.  So a busy schedule to keep on my toes.

I never know where I will land, but I know I always find comfort knowing that there are always those here who will lend an ear when needed. 🫂 to you all. Annaliese

Things change as we get older anyway, I miss the old days of drag racing at my local track but its not me now. Same for going to VW shows but I am looking forward to taking the Austin to car shows with my friends.
 Still have the urge to build and make stuff but that's part of my DNA.

Quote from: davina61 on May 27, 2025, 08:11:08 AMThings change as we get older anyway, I miss the old days of drag racing at my local track but its not me now. Same for going to VW shows but I am looking forward to taking the Austin to car shows with my friends.
 Still have the urge to build and make stuff but that's part of my DNA.

I still enjoy watching NASCAR. 😊

It is great that your therapist has offered to teach you how to crochet!

Good luck with the voice training.  I had professional speech therapy to improve the way I modulated my sentences.

Marion

Annaliese, it sounds like this weekend may have been a significant milestone on your path. Discovering what experiences do and don't nurture your soul is extremely valuable. Hearing the critical voices within you and asking them whose interests they represent... that's huge.

I'm glad you feel like we were helpful to you. I feel the same way about everyone here. The main thing I want you to know is that you are the only person who truly knows what's right for you. Believe me, I wish I had as many powerful signs you've had that point the way for you. I feel the joy and the love pouring from your posts when you write about how it feels when you allow yourself to be the real you.

And the your therapist wants to teach you to crochet? Now that's value. I need to look for a therapist who will teach me how to sew fine fabrics.

Keep doing what you're doing. I know it feels slow and painful sometimes, but it's working. And we all benefit from you becoming your best self.

Quote from: Annaliese on May 27, 2025, 07:51:40 AMI keep thinking why was I so invested into something that I really don't care alot about.

Maybe because it isn't the trip itself as much as what it represents? It's something that reminds you of a time in your life that seemed more simple, an escape. And you were looking for a way to get back to that. To take shelter from the waves and wind of life for a while?

But when you got there, you found you've changed as a person more than you perhaps think, and realise you're more able to deal with things than you thought and don't need that escape as much as you once thought you did?

Just some thoughts off the top of my head. *hugs*

Quote from: Sephirah on May 27, 2025, 04:35:47 PMMaybe because it isn't the trip itself as much as what it represents?

The journey is the reward.

Annaliese!

Often we find that many of our previous activities,  that we fully believed were a piece of who we are, were simply distraction from the elephant in the room of our life and... a way to fill all the time we were spending maintaining the false persona we had carried for so long... that we couldn't easily distinguish it from our self... 🌻

Embrace this falling away of things that no longer serve your souls journey...As they fall away, space is made for new people, things and experiences that serve far better!... Perhaps your Jeep club will give way to a crochet meetup group!  The world is yours sister! 🤗

Onward!

Ashley 💕

Quote from: tgirlamg on May 29, 2025, 11:11:01 AMPerhaps your Jeep club will give way to a crochet meetup group!

Actually  Ashley, I have signed up to group on Facebook that meets regularly and teaches new crochet patterns and will also assist beginners. So you were right. It's a beginning that I look forward to. IAt my therapy session today we didn't have time to get into crochet,  but will on Tuesday. My crochet FB group doesn't start untill the 8th. So yes I have indeed moved on.  😊

Quote from: Annaliese on May 29, 2025, 01:42:25 PMI have signed up to group on Facebook that meets regularly and teaches new crochet patterns and will also assist beginners.

Hooray! I hope you'll share some of your early successes. There's nothing quite like those. I always found crocheting so meditative.

Are there things you hope to be able to make someday?

Quote from: Pema on May 29, 2025, 01:56:26 PMHooray! I hope you'll share some of your early successes. There's nothing quite like those. I always found crocheting so meditative.

Are there things you hope to be able to make someday?

once I get finally get started, The first thing I want to make is a throw blanket.
But I'm sure that's gonna take a lot of practice.

Quote from: Annaliese on May 29, 2025, 02:14:13 PMonce I get finally get started, The first thing I want to make is a throw blanket.
But I'm sure that's gonna take a lot of practice.

It will, but maybe not as much as you think. One of the great things is that you can just remove the hook and pull the yarn out and start again. I remember doing that a lot when I'd realize I'd made a mistake an hour earlier.

I'm genuinely excited to see what you'll make.

Quote from: Annaliese on May 29, 2025, 02:14:13 PMonce I get finally get started, The first thing I want to make is a throw blanket.
But I'm sure that's gonna take a lot of practice.

And desire, Anna. Don't do what I would do... just buy a blanket and fake it.

You've got this, girl. You are nothing if not determined.

<3

Had an euphoric day today. Met with a professional voice coach. She was very positive. Found she does more than voice coach. She specializes in body languages and other areas of feminization spaces. I was excited. She is one of the top specialist in this and works with a lot of gender affirmation care. I am feeling like so far this was a good choice. I even actually got off butt today and worked outside. 😊

Sounds very positive.

There are also numerous online training resources that can supplement your professional coach.

The feminine voice is very important to me.  I have not mastered it.  Gesticulations I am just fine with. 


Chrissy

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on May 31, 2025, 03:13:58 PMSounds very positive.

There are also numerous online training resources that can supplement your professional coach.

The feminine voice is very important to me.  I have not mastered it.  Gesticulations I am just fine with. 


Chrissy

yes, we are going to work on the gestures. I didn't notice but she pointed out I was doing some already. I will be trying to do everything I can. Thank you Chrissy 😊

Quote from: Annaliese on May 31, 2025, 03:07:59 PMHad an euphoric day today. Met with a professional voice coach. She was very positive. Found she does more than voice coach. She specializes in body languages and other areas of feminization spaces.

Annaliese, congrats, sounds very affirming, and have fun. 💓


~ Lilis 🫂

@Annaliese  @Lilis  @Maid Marion  @davina61  @Pema  @Lori Dee
 @Sephirah  @TanyaG  @Mrs. Oliphant  @tgirlamg  @D'Amalie 

Yes indeed, there is so much more to being able to reliably pass as the woman that
you are than one's appearance, hair, nails, makeup, clothing, etc...
...  as @ChrissyRyan and @Maid Marion mentioned, voice and manner of speaking is a big 
obstacle for many, then of course there are other important items such as movements, walking,
sitting, body motions, eating a meal, sitting, standing, walking... and, hand and body gestures.

Cis women spend their entire childhood, teen years and young adult lives learning and
living with how to do those things....  as transitioning MTF people we have to learn things
more quickly. 

For transgender men there are equally difficult hurdles that have to be mastered as well.

Unfortunately, just like the effects of HRT are not necessarily as quick as we all like to
have them happen, these other things are not quick to become 2nd nature and automatic...
... practice, practice, and more practice is usually required with a  good dose of patience.

HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Annaliese, you continue to make my days with your positive steps and your excitement. I literally feel excited when I read your posts like today's. From what you've said, this coach sounds to me like someone who cares enough to see who her students for who they are and work with them accordingly. I think you chose very well. And she's blessed to have you as a student.

I found this writing the other night. I forget who wrote it. But It is really good.